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Sit in with Joe and Nate as they consult clients on how to go about committing their perfect crimes. New episodes every Tuesday.
The following podcast should not be misconstrued as legal advice in any way, shape, or form. You would have to be an absolute idiot to take our advice seriously. I mean, look at us. We're dumb. Nate's still trying to find the land Oompa Loompas came from.
Speaker 1:Joe doesn't know if Hanukkah is a CNN or not. We cannot stress enough. Do not take our advice. The listener does so at their own peril. Alright.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm Joe.
Speaker 2:And I'm Nate.
Speaker 1:And we are the premier criminal consultants in the Boston area here to help you with your Perfect Crimes.
Speaker 2:Joe, today we have a hilarious comic. You can find him all over the New England area like many of our good friends here from the pod. But this guy is really a special special being. He's somebody that I I really suggest you go check out often. He wears this this beautiful plaid outfit that you're unfortunately not wearing today.
Speaker 2:Y'all give it up for the very funny, the hilarious, mister Rich Condon,
Speaker 1:ladies and gentlemen. Alright. Absolutely.
Speaker 2:He is And I mean that that's one my favorite the first time I ever saw you wearing that full plaid outfit, you're wearing it was blue jeans. Okay? But you're wearing plaid shirt, plaid hat, plaid Converse sneakers. Bad ass. And I thought you had, like
Speaker 3:Those are special order.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Thought yeah. Exactly. I thought you were I thought you'd had, like like like, ass burgers or something like that.
Speaker 2:But you're just a regular fella.
Speaker 1:The first time I saw you, you were wearing a hot dog costume at Cabo. It was awesome.
Speaker 2:And again, that could also possibly be another situation where you just don't know for sure. But it turns out, look at you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I have a really distinct memory because that was like one of the first times I'd ever been to Capo and you were there in that hot dog costume. I forget. It must have been around like Halloween or something. Yep. And like the hot dog costume was doing just a lot of work, you know.
Speaker 1:Like, I mean, it's funny. It's good. Like, I loved it. I But said to Will in kind of like a tone. Was like because he had taken, like, writing classes with Will in it.
Speaker 1:And was like, man, you taught me how to work a little too hard, you know. He he, like, looked me straight in the eyes. He was like, Rich Condon is one of my best friends. And I was like, I wasn't trying to make fun of him. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1:Like, I love the hot dog costume. Costume.
Speaker 2:Well, it was great. I do remember that from Halloween. Do you do you choose a different costume every year?
Speaker 3:I try to be able to afford, like, a nice costume, you know? Save up. Try to work hard.
Speaker 2:Rich, I love look, I I love talking to you because outside of a comedy set, I'm not sure that I've heard you utter more than eight words in a single sentence, like, at a time. I you know, it's it's usually just two or three. I don't know that I've ever had I've ever heard you say, like, a paragraph.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I like to observe.
Speaker 1:I respect that, dude. It's very transcendental of you. Even the way that you
Speaker 2:just said that, dude, that was tight. You said, yeah. I like to observe. And then he just dissipated in the air. It was so tight.
Speaker 2:It's crazy. You're like an apparition.
Speaker 3:You can get a lot from just watching.
Speaker 2:What do think your favorite thing to watch is? What do you like to watch? You like to watch do you do, you do Peep and Tom?
Speaker 3:Not recently, but, did you see the video I posted? I there was my my neighbor hangs her underwear in her there's a little window in the bathroom.
Speaker 2:This is going exactly where I like it. Go on.
Speaker 3:And they hang their win a different pair of panties in the window every day.
Speaker 2:Really?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Like to dry them or whatever.
Speaker 2:And you've been watching that. And has it been for comic purposes or for perversion?
Speaker 3:For like a couple of weeks, I was like every day taking a little video of me zooming into the
Speaker 1:new pair. Yeah. That could be art or that could be perversion. It's it's that Woody Allen line you're walking there
Speaker 2:that I like, Rich. True.
Speaker 1:I do like that. I mean, I find it I'm like, know, this is just like the Daily Menu show of life, but it is a woman's underpants.
Speaker 2:I don't know. Were you were
Speaker 3:you They're like right in the window? On her. It's small window. Yeah. It's just the only small window.
Speaker 3:She's basically
Speaker 1:framing them for the neighborhood,
Speaker 2:you know?
Speaker 1:And that's, you know, she knows what she's doing on
Speaker 2:some level. What part of town do you live in?
Speaker 3:It's, you know, I would call it the outskirts
Speaker 2:of of
Speaker 1:It's like a dystopian person on the outskirts of where town used to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah. He's an apparition, dude. I'm telling you, dude. I don't know what Rich Condon is, man. Okay.
Speaker 2:So you live on the outskirts.
Speaker 1:Partly fact and partly fiction.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I know. I know. What is Rich Condon? You know, where are you from originally?
Speaker 2:Where are born? What what part of America?
Speaker 3:I was born in Fitchburg, Mass.
Speaker 2:Really? Okay. Interesting. Alright. Do you know Terrence?
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:Well, mean, I I know I know you've seen him and met him and stuff, but I mean, I guess that was a a bad wit. Do you know Terrence?
Speaker 1:That's a really good podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm in front of the pod. Do know
Speaker 1:do you know Terrence in Pittsburgh.
Speaker 2:Did y'all grow up with did you grow up with Terrence?
Speaker 3:No. Are you I just met him like, I don't know, a year or two ago. Are you
Speaker 2:are you how are you were old? Terrence is actually, like, really old. You'd be shocked. He's, in his forties.
Speaker 3:How old is Terrence? I don't know how
Speaker 2:old Terrence. He's got, like, eight babies or something. Is that true? Oh, he's got, like, he's got, like, four. It is a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah. He's got,
Speaker 1:is a lot.
Speaker 2:But I think he got, like, three, four. We have to, I
Speaker 1:mean Eight is a lot a lot, though.
Speaker 2:And and I hope he's listening to this. But I I believe that he probably has about eight. But I know that one of them is, like, he is a real good basketball player. Ain't that crazy?
Speaker 3:Makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, you know, exactly. But what you would think that would make sense, but he's so Irish and stuff. But he has like
Speaker 1:But he played basketball. Like, played Yeah. College He has jokes about it. Right? Chance McCormick?
Speaker 2:I don't I don't know. I I know that he coaches the mentally challenged playing basketball. And that his son that he has a that he that he knows if he has basketball real, real good. And he's he's on like, he does college basketball. He's real, real good.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Ain't that crazy?
Speaker 1:I mean, I've there are people who are natural athletes. And when you have 18 children or whatever,
Speaker 2:like It's possible. Could be less than that. Maybe. But I'm not positive. I don't know.
Speaker 2:We'd to ask Terrence again.
Speaker 1:Do you guys know about, like, the phenomenon in I guess it's probably all professional sports, but, like, you know, hot women, like, waiting outside of, like, hotels, like, to, like, try and just, you know, baby trap up.
Speaker 2:Is there like a like a like a condom hold poke situation kinda deal? Kinda.
Speaker 1:Like, I mean, but there's, like, like, it was I read about this, like, on the NBA subreddit, it has, like, some crazy fucking things. But they they had some guy on there who, like, worked for teams. Was, like, something they never talk about. Is there it's, like, they're these women have a profession where they're, like, trying to get impregnated by, like a professional athlete.
Speaker 2:Just doing their best out there?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, you know, like, I mean, and I was like, I kind of respect the hustle. I don't know. Like What
Speaker 2:do you would you if you were I
Speaker 3:I go to WNBA games too.
Speaker 1:Christ, dude. I love you so much. Hell, yeah, dude. And
Speaker 2:who would be who would be the prize? Who do you think would be the prize? W I'm gonna know, like, three of them, but who would be the prize?
Speaker 3:Oh, dude. I don't know. There's a lot of up and comers.
Speaker 1:Well, it's like in the WNBA.
Speaker 2:Yeah. There's Who's the one who, like, did
Speaker 1:the anti trans thing that, like, like Sophie Cunningham?
Speaker 2:She's actually pretty, though. She's like she's a pretty
Speaker 1:She's actually pretty, though. Well, I mean, or whatever.
Speaker 2:You're I mean, well, I, you know, objectively Some
Speaker 1:women in the NBA are not caring so much about the male gauge, you know. They're not trying to be quote unquote petite.
Speaker 2:That's fucking clear to me for Christ's sakes. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Do we know Paige Beckers?
Speaker 2:No. I know Caitlyn Clark.
Speaker 1:She's real
Speaker 2:good. She's she's an she's like a she's real good. And then there's Britney Griner because she got stuck in in Russia for trying to bring in all those weed cartridges, which is insane.
Speaker 1:She's an idiot.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It's foolish. And then she tried out for the Dallas Mavericks because Mark Cuban thought maybe you should do, a Shark Tank thing. Maybe. I don't know.
Speaker 1:No. Mark Cuban's crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think I think maybe somebody walked into his office one day and was like, I'm here with Brittney Griner. She's going to be the first to like my short tank ideas. Brittney Griner play for the Dallas Mavericks. And he was like, I'm in.
Speaker 2:I'm I buy in. I buy it. And then the other guy who does underpants for Fubu was like, I don't like it. I'm not doing it.
Speaker 1:Wait. Was this actually what happened on TV?
Speaker 2:No. I don't Like, I was just speculating. No. I don't watch the show a lot,
Speaker 1:but that's
Speaker 2:how I imagine
Speaker 1:it happening. Ever watch Shark Tank? Has that ever been something that's appealed to you?
Speaker 3:I don't have a TV,
Speaker 1:but Do you really not? No. That's No TV. That's cool. That's cool.
Speaker 3:I had three. Right? And then I sold them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then I went to a yard sale and there was another TV. It was new in the box. But it was like one of those countertop AMFM, like with rabbit ears. Yeah. Black and white.
Speaker 3:Fuck yeah. The batteries. But it was new in the box. So I bought it for 5.
Speaker 1:That's pretty good dude.
Speaker 3:And then I was like, I gotta get rid of this TV.
Speaker 2:So what did you sell the TVs in favor of?
Speaker 3:Nothing. You
Speaker 2:just want it. You just this money.
Speaker 3:I just needed them gone.
Speaker 1:Are you a reader kind of guy? Is that like, how do you pass the time?
Speaker 3:I do have books, but it's hard to get I feel like I don't have ADHD enough to that. I just keep going around and I got so much shit to do.
Speaker 2:You just raw dog and you just get up, open your eyes and you're just like, oh man, I gotta I gotta
Speaker 3:go. Tons of shit happening.
Speaker 2:What is your first let's say, okay, right now, you go to bed and you wake up and it's like, it's been a couple hours. So you got like a good sleep, you know, and you forgot that you fell asleep here though. You wake up, you open your eyes. What's the first thing you do?
Speaker 3:Oh, I'd be like, shit. I gotta fucking go empty the dehumidifier
Speaker 1:at my house. Fuck.
Speaker 3:Shit. That thing's that thing's pulling water. There's a there's gotta be a leak somewhere. That thing feels like dude, I don't flush my toilet as much water as that kind of
Speaker 1:fills. They do suck a lot of water.
Speaker 2:They do. They do a remarkable job. I do like that. That was the first thing that came in your head. I just, yeah, that's a remarkable remark.
Speaker 2:Oh man. I gotta go into the deep environment.
Speaker 1:The shit to do. There's always
Speaker 3:That's what I did before I came. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1:It did remind me that I have to empty my own dehumidifier, but that's fine.
Speaker 2:You live in a wet house. You had to empty the you you Yeah.
Speaker 3:I need to set it up so it's on a hose or something. So it just goes out of there.
Speaker 1:That's what I drain mine and then, you know, I have to empty, the tank, like, every so often so shit doesn't grow in it, but it's like, you know, once a week.
Speaker 2:I guess that's fair. What kind of do you have a rural big one? Do you think you could put a fish in I have.
Speaker 3:That's what I'm wondering. I What? I could definitely put a fish in it.
Speaker 2:Well, because, like, if it holds enough water in it, if you did like, because if you could put that water good use, make it into somebody's house.
Speaker 3:I don't know. I
Speaker 1:Maybe. Maybe.
Speaker 3:I could. I got two dogs, so I don't need another animal.
Speaker 2:I don't need a I don't need a fish around here.
Speaker 1:I guess that's fair. No. Well, Rich, you look awfully cool in these sunglasses.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I mean, we we both thought that you're just like rocking them, but it turns out that they're a multifunctional.
Speaker 3:Correct? Yeah.
Speaker 2:These are Yeah. You got punched in the face by like a Venus flytrap or whatever it was. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You gotta be careful out there, man.
Speaker 1:Dude, so
Speaker 3:we never know what's gonna happen.
Speaker 1:What'd you say?
Speaker 3:It was
Speaker 1:like some safety goggles got you?
Speaker 3:Dude. All right. So yesterday, John Tyler brings his car to my house. Sure. We're going to do all four suspension on it.
Speaker 3:And then on the, we get the, we do the front. He, I do one side. He does the other side, the side he does make some noise afterwards. And then he had to leave and then come back so we could do the back. Okay.
Speaker 3:And then when we were doing the back, I had to cut the old ones to get the parts back to put the shit together. Cause the nuts wouldn't come off. So I was cutting the shit off. So I'd use safety glasses that were just on my toolbox. And I don't know.
Speaker 3:They must've, I must've used them to fucking weed whack or something last time. Dude,
Speaker 1:that's gotten me a couple of times, like, but only on my chest And like, yeah, not my eye. I was, like, worried about that though. That it's gonna somehow
Speaker 3:happen It's to weird, like Yeah. Because, like, I just got, like, rash right on the backside of my ear and right on my eye where the glass is like.
Speaker 2:It is remarkable to me. You are right. You are doing a lot of stuff. You're real you just said you're like, well, I was changing the suspension in my car and then I picked up the damn, the damn glasses that I had from weed whacking, you know, the day before. Well, you're you sound like you're just up and doing stuff.
Speaker 2:You sound like somebody dead.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:How many kids you got? Twenty, thirty?
Speaker 3:I got two dogs. Nice. And that's it. So but I bought a house, so that just Congratulations. Sucks all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it does. My fucking does. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:I don't do that. And more time. And then the dogs are just looking at you like, what are you doing now? Yeah. What about us?
Speaker 1:Yeah. That's
Speaker 3:true. And I'm just like, what about me? What about Rich? I'm like, at my truck, like, what about my truck? And I'm what about your truck?
Speaker 3:I gotta fix that thing. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. It's been sitting.
Speaker 3:That's like, it's like first priority, but it's, like then John Tyler shows up. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2:Speaker You're I guess in that sense, in that sense, watch this in that sense, are you trying to commit a crime where you do money, where you get money for your truck?
Speaker 3:Show up at my house to try to buy my truck. They're like, we've seen that sitting on the
Speaker 2:yard. And
Speaker 3:then they're like, they just want to low ball me on my truck.
Speaker 2:This one's too bad.
Speaker 3:I'm just like, I like my truck more than 500.
Speaker 1:I don't know if that was our best segue.
Speaker 2:It was I know. I know. No read on it at all.
Speaker 1:I was trying to ask you
Speaker 2:is Yes. There you go. Do you
Speaker 1:need help with a crime?
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah. Definitely.
Speaker 2:But what is the crime you'd like to commit friend?
Speaker 3:All right. I'm trying to get a militia of midgets together.
Speaker 1:Oh, a militia of midgets
Speaker 3:and train them to be assassins.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:Okay. Get
Speaker 3:a few judges and then send them into politics and have them push their weight around like the Gestapo.
Speaker 2:You want to use little fellows to kill judges so that you can put the little fellas into power like a Gestapo.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I like that. I like that a lot. I love that. I love everything about that. And let's get started.
Speaker 1:That is This is definitely getting us on the list. We can't We're gonna start assassinating judges right now. This is like Definitely not. Like need Are we gonna yeah. Well, sure.
Speaker 1:Is this
Speaker 2:a crime
Speaker 1:or not? It's a crime. That's crime. That's That's
Speaker 2:a notch crime.
Speaker 1:I just wanna This is top notch. This is a comedic enterprise we're involved in.
Speaker 3:That's right.
Speaker 2:And it's not real. And we don't have to name any real life judges. We could just say, like, judge Judy or whatever. Yeah. Because she's not even a real judge.
Speaker 2:But let's just pretend she's
Speaker 3:on the supreme court. Theoretically.
Speaker 2:Well, she's not she's a lawyer, but she's not actually a judge. I think she's an arbiter. That's not mean, arbitrator. Not an arbiter. The arbiter is somebody who plays in Halo or or who was a king of Halo.
Speaker 2:Alright.
Speaker 1:So you wanna assassinate the judiciary. Let's go ahead. Let's do it.
Speaker 2:But with with little felons, I think you're skipping over the important part, which is a small army. It's a small it's literally a small army. Guild. Literally a small army.
Speaker 1:A lollipop guild.
Speaker 2:And I do like that. You can call it that if you want. You know, it was what's his name? You know, mayor Lansky at Murder Inc. You could have the lollipop guild.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's perfect. That's a homage to the wizard Of Oz.
Speaker 2:We love that. Boys and girls. Would you have boys and girls or just boys or just girls? What would you do?
Speaker 1:Well, you need both for honeypot operations.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You know, they need to have like a chocolate factory that they bonded the money with.
Speaker 2:And or but I do like now I do like the idea of a honey pot operation with a little with a little lady. Do you think you could do
Speaker 1:They would fall for this immediately.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Sure, lady.
Speaker 1:I'll give you the nuclear codes.
Speaker 2:I'll give you the yeah. Well, not but not for
Speaker 1:I like the way you kiss my knee.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. Not Small Russian.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think I think I'd just be more I don't know if it'd be for sex. I think I could be just I I like, you know, I could be world easily, like, deceived. You know, I just would be Yeah. Really?
Speaker 2:Certainly. No. I'm I'm almost positive.
Speaker 1:I don't believe that.
Speaker 2:I think I think I could be. I think I could be pretty
Speaker 1:easily deceived. Strong willed, you know.
Speaker 2:Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.
Speaker 1:But Iron minded Nate. That's what they call him. Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker 2:That's very kind of you to say. And I do appreciate that. But but but I I know myself. I I I know myself. And and I and I think it would be hard for me to look at like a like a little fellow or a little lady like that who's coming up and was telling me that they needed like like some serious business.
Speaker 2:Like they were like, hey, look, the world's gonna blow up. And I'd be like, well, I don't think this little fellow would lie to me like that. I think I'm, you know, I gotta tell him if I know. If I know. But if I don't, I just at least point him in the right direction.
Speaker 1:That's yeah. Very astute. Very astute. I'm so glad that, like, you're right. Guess.
Speaker 1:I don't this is not one of our better thought out crimes.
Speaker 2:Well, well, that's not the crime part. That's just that that's just the part That's just like an that that that was just a kind of a hypothetical. I think in order to get this crime done, you'd have to figure out where like, is there like a place where you can, like, meet a meet a bunch of, like, fellas like that? Like, maybe like a like Go to the circus? Well, sure.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know exactly what the what what the where it would be, but Las Vegas? Perhaps. Could be. Could be. It's possible.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I don't know. Where is Tom Thumb from? Do you know Tom Thumb? Tom Thumb was the world's smallest man in the '19 in the nineteenth century, in the the early twentieth century.
Speaker 1:I thought he was also a fictional character.
Speaker 2:No. He's a teeny tiny man from Barnabas' Circus. The Circus went back when they would do they called it like the Circus of Freaks. And they would have like the the bearded lady and the teeny tiny man and his name was Tom Thumb. And he was a real life fella.
Speaker 2:But I don't know where he was from exactly. So I guess you'd have to figure that out and that would be like the source maybe.
Speaker 1:He's from the outskirts.
Speaker 2:He's probably from the other outskirts.
Speaker 3:He lives right next to me.
Speaker 2:Could've been could've been your neighbor. He could be the guy offering you money for your truck.
Speaker 3:Probably his wife's underwear in that window.
Speaker 2:He said it was small. You said it was a small window. It was a very small window. You did say that. That's your words, not mine.
Speaker 2:Your words. So wait,
Speaker 1:I forgot to ask you. Are you like a mechanic? I'd like, are you, is that what you do?
Speaker 3:So I don't think so. No. No? No.
Speaker 2:You just like,
Speaker 3:do I just yourself with fix everything. I've just had a mechanic job for like twenty years.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:And they paid me to do that for a while. Do you think now people are like, you're not a mechanic. Like if I go anywhere, they're like, you're not a mechanic. You need your certifications.
Speaker 2:Well, do you think if you need
Speaker 3:I'm like, so I can what? Yeah. The same stuff.
Speaker 1:Do you like work in a garage right now or like
Speaker 3:No. I haven't had a job two years. Okay. I've been going around on Facebook marketplace getting free stuff, selling it.
Speaker 2:I mean,
Speaker 1:okay. Like, is that like it? That's like actually very impressive if you're like surviving in Massachusetts on that.
Speaker 3:Dude, they give away some good stuff. Pretty much anything you could think about buying, someone's giving that away. Right now.
Speaker 1:Probably true.
Speaker 2:You are a real wheeler and dealer, dude. That's what you should have said. You're out there wheeling and dealing, dude. You're a slickster.
Speaker 3:You know, someone's gotta pay that mortgage.
Speaker 2:That's what I was wondering. You that's I said. You said you hadn't had a job in tears. I said, he owns a house. How the fuck is this possible?
Speaker 2:You wouldn't so what do you
Speaker 3:Last year, I was getting a lot of wheels and tires. I got, like, a tire machine for $500, and then I would take the tires off, sell the tires for like $100, and then scrap the aluminum if the wheels didn't sell, you know. And then like, while I was doing that, I would be getting like motorcycles Yeah. Mopeds, all that. And sometimes I'll trade, like, a moped for a car.
Speaker 2:You do this. I got a pen first, and then I traded that for a book, and I traded the book for a scooter.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Because it's just like sometimes people just have shit. They want to get rid of it. Yeah. And then if you can be like the first person to get there, dude.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So like, wait, do you actually pay your mortgage doing this? Like, can never tell with you. Like,
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, like a lot of times I'm like, ma help. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know? But like, I've gotten like motorcycles This is crazy. That that were free. And then I sold for $2,200. Holy fuck.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean? It's a real grind when you're like wheels and tires. You're like, that's basically like working forty hours a week.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Picking them up pulling
Speaker 3:them off. Yeah. If you're not fast getting them, then you don't have nothing. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Fascinating.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Fascinating.
Speaker 3:But like lately, I've been getting like bicycles, like a lot of bicycles. Yeah. Because those are like, I don't know why they're constantly free. Like around here, I can't even get all the nice ones, because they're always around here, and they gotta go quick. They must go quick.
Speaker 3:But one time, I got I got a Cannondale in, I don't know, Cambridge or something. Shit, dude. And I just sold it for a $100 today.
Speaker 2:Nice, dude. Yeah. Hell, yeah. This is the funniest thing
Speaker 3:to me.
Speaker 2:You're just going, did you know it's hot right now, dude? Bikes. I'm telling y'all right now, bikes is hot, dog.
Speaker 1:I respect this so
Speaker 2:much, though. I do. It's so crazy. You're just out there making money.
Speaker 1:Dude, I definitely had uncles that, like, made their living this way too.
Speaker 2:I never had I've never known anybody who did this, but they wasn't also stealing shit on the side.
Speaker 3:If you get like a good yard sale, you know what I mean? People are just at the end of it, giving half the shit away, or like the good things that you were gonna spend 100 on, now it's 20.
Speaker 2:So you see, you sit there, you you pull up in a van, and you scope out this yard sale, and you wait it out, you do like a like a
Speaker 3:Well right now it's a Lexus, but yeah. Had my truck at the time, like last year when I was getting a lot, like I was getting so much shit. Like I had to stop because it was like too much shit at my house. You know what I mean? Like, your garage gets too full.
Speaker 3:You can't even fix shit because of this shit every Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's insane.
Speaker 3:Fuck you. Mopeds too. They're like quick and easy. Like you can get a lot of them in a day. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1:What are your margins
Speaker 3:on mopeds? Well, I usually get them for a $100.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Sometimes they're free. Sometimes
Speaker 1:You get like a full ass moped
Speaker 3:for a $100? Yeah. And you can trade
Speaker 2:But you get them from a lot of lesbians?
Speaker 3:You can trade like one working one.
Speaker 1:What the
Speaker 2:fuck is that for?
Speaker 1:Well, I just was wondering Oh, you
Speaker 3:can get them from everybody. Well, you can get them
Speaker 2:I just figured you
Speaker 3:Just think about it. You got you you saved up for your moped, it was really cool. And now it's next year, and it doesn't start. And now you're like, ah, get
Speaker 1:rid of this moped. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then, like, I just go and scoop them all up, put new gas in them, and then bam,
Speaker 2:it's someone's fucking. That just put oil in this fucking thing and it runs?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Some of them are like, oh, the wheels don't spin and all this. And then, like, I'll spend a little time on them Yeah. And get the part because, like, I know where to get parts. Some people are like, you can't get parts with these.
Speaker 3:And I'm like, oh, yeah?
Speaker 1:Yeah. I know
Speaker 2:where to
Speaker 1:get parts.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It's like I'm on Italian eBay. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Alright. So like you you get like one of these can you sell like a scooter for like $500 or something? Like after you
Speaker 3:I got a free Vespa. Yeah. But I had to rent a U Haul to go get it
Speaker 1:because I
Speaker 3:didn't have my truck.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:So that was like a $120 to get it. Okay. And then I sold it for $700, like in two days.
Speaker 2:That ain't bad, dude. That's actually like a ridiculous turnaround in two days.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And it was like the cheapest one for sale. Yeah. But it was like a ran. It wasn't the cheapest one, but it was one of the cheapest that ran.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And it didn't look all messed up. Dude, you know what you
Speaker 2:should get into? I'm telling you, this is actually you can make good money doing this. Okay? You go to pawn shops. If well, I mean, now you you need your license and everything.
Speaker 2:But you go to pawn shops, you can find old guns, you can refurbish them, and you can sell those things for a ton of fucking money, dude. And I got a buddy that does that down in Louisiana. Mean, you can buy, like, old shotguns, sweet sixteens, and shit like that.
Speaker 3:I'd have so many guns. It would be insane.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. He yeah. He's got a bunch. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But it's it's
Speaker 3:It'd be dangerous for me. I don't know. I couldn't keep up with the licensing.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You should I mean, don't have buy the bullets or anything. Just buy the yeah.
Speaker 1:Down south, the licensing licensing is pretty easy.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It's called it's called a birth certificate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So you don't even to be from the country. Talk to the cops down there. Good god, no. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It would be on it would be unconstitutional. You're
Speaker 1:licensed in Massachusetts now. Right?
Speaker 2:I am. Yeah. Am.
Speaker 1:Have purchased firearms with that license?
Speaker 2:I mean, I have I've I've I mean, they're pre I already own a couple of And then
Speaker 1:you brought them up after you
Speaker 2:got the license. Yeah. Cause I, yeah, I'm waiting, still waiting for it in the mail, but yeah, no, I mean, most of them are hand me downs, you know, I'm, you know, they're, know, just old family guns, stuff like that, you know, that kind of thing. But no, I'm not a purchaser much. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Do you own firearms?
Speaker 3:I have a two BB guns.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:It's like a Daisy.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Daisy. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's what happened. It wasn't poison.
Speaker 2:I got a red rider.
Speaker 3:See, listen, I got
Speaker 2:these squirrels. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. First thing in the morning, they're on the tree branch screaming like,
Speaker 2:yeah. That's what they do.
Speaker 3:And then, so I'll try to get them off. Yeah. Hit them off the branch.
Speaker 2:You're never gonna kill one with a BB gun. You gotta get a No,
Speaker 3:but I knock them off the branch and it shuts them up.
Speaker 1:Man, what do you think about that?
Speaker 2:I mean, I but I respect it. I respect it a lot. I I just I, you know, I would I'd I'd invest maybe more like a pellet gun. You know what mean? Something to get the job done if you're really trying to, like, send a message, you know?
Speaker 3:Yeah. You know, I could get some real firepower out there.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Get A good pellet gun.
Speaker 3:I'll probably I would have I don't know what I would have. I would, you know, get a drone with a little fucking
Speaker 1:Get a drone with a gun on it. Yeah.
Speaker 2:If you got a drone, if you you know, you
Speaker 3:So see you can get the right angle on him.
Speaker 2:You seem like a pretty good mechanic. Could you put a gun on a drone, you think?
Speaker 3:Oh, psh.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1:I already have.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah. I knew a kid one time in Phoenix who was real good at building stuff. He would build like pipes all the time and bongs mostly, but he would use like medicine bottle, whatever. One time he built a a flamethrower. And like, it was like a like a super soaker that he like souped up with like a metal canister on it.
Speaker 2:And we could fill it with gasoline, and he pulled the trigger on that bad boy, and it would shoot a stream of flaming gasoline for like 50 feet. And we set the street on fire, dude. And it was terrifying. We couldn't put it out. It was Phoenix, Arizona.
Speaker 2:It was just a big thing, dude. We have the the neighbors called the police and Starting
Speaker 1:a wildfire.
Speaker 2:It was very scary. I knew another I knew a couple kids that did that once lighting fireworks in the eighth grade. Oh, yeah. In the desert. And they they started to fire a a wildfire like that, and the police came and they were like, did you see what happened?
Speaker 2:I said, uh-uh. Uh-uh. Just like that.
Speaker 1:That's right. Don't talk to the cops. Said, uh-uh. Snitches get stitches. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:I said, uh-uh. It was crazy. His name was Shaq. He was that was his real name, Shaquille. And he was the one that set the fire in the in the desert.
Speaker 1:I think I have a really good idea. Did you guys ever see that show Battle Bots? Oh, yeah. Like back in the day?
Speaker 3:I saw a clip yesterday.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Like, see? It doesn't even have a TV and he knows what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:It's on black and white. Yeah. The bunny ears. Yeah.
Speaker 1:No. But, you know, like, Nate, did you ever see that show with the, like, fighting robots? Like, they need to just, like, do that. But, like, the UFC version where, like, they have actual, like, guns and, like, missiles and shit. That'd be cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I would watch the
Speaker 3:hell out
Speaker 2:of them. Is that what you're
Speaker 1:gonna put?
Speaker 2:Is that what you can put the little fellows in?
Speaker 1:No. I'm what? Well, was thinking about what it is.
Speaker 3:They're gonna do whatever. They'll do whatever we say. Coming up on a boat. They can't wait to go.
Speaker 1:They can't
Speaker 3:wait to.
Speaker 2:I do like that. I like that a lot.
Speaker 3:They're gonna infiltrate all sorts.
Speaker 2:Well, I do and I appreciate that. Not maybe they could put in some of that Battle Bots legislation when they get to be judges.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying I'm just
Speaker 3:saying People would see him coming and they wouldn't even be able to stop him.
Speaker 2:Well, he wouldn't he can't even watch it, dude. He wouldn't even would you would you think if you got if they had BattleBots on TV, where they were shooting guns at each other, would you get to regular TV again?
Speaker 3:It would be wouldn't that be, like, outside? It would be Yeah. Outside, but BattleBots.
Speaker 1:Yeah. You know, that have,
Speaker 3:like It's like the people are in an underground bunker.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. There's some very thick, like, bulletproof glass, like, field that they can fly inside of. I don't know. There's gotta be some way to do it.
Speaker 3:You know, I don't have time for that shit.
Speaker 2:What do you don't
Speaker 3:have time that
Speaker 1:you wanna watch robots try to blow each other up?
Speaker 3:You know what I watch? I watch this guy like taking apart like a watch. Okay.
Speaker 1:But what?
Speaker 3:And then like the, and by, and then like he shows a piece and it like looks like a grain of sand on his palm and he's like, that's the screw that I'm putting in there. It's like, it looks like, you know, because he's got his zoom on his camera. It looks like it's perfect big size. You know what I mean? But then he comes in with, like, tweezes and shit.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean? And you're not really thinking about it when you're watching the video, but then it's just like, oh, wow.
Speaker 1:And then look how small that screw is.
Speaker 3:Yeah. But then all that that screw's holding together all these gears and all these springs and all this shit happening, and you're just like, holy fuck. This guy just like took that to pieces and put it back together, and now it's working.
Speaker 2:Did I Yeah.
Speaker 1:I had a joy in your voice as you discussed this. There's actually lot out there. Lovely. I think it's
Speaker 2:possible you might actually have Asperger's syndrome. Dude, I don't know about that.
Speaker 1:That like, that That's crazy. Talk the same way, but about much more terrible things. Well, yeah. Of course.
Speaker 2:Doesn't But that mean I mean, that doesn't mean I don't have to either. You know, I just mean, it just I just mean, maybe I can spot it even better. Maybe I could spot real good because of this. Just want to know what you know. Everything about that.
Speaker 2:Exactly. You know, thinking logically. It's possible. I'm just saying. Anything is possible.
Speaker 2:Fine.
Speaker 1:I'll allow it.
Speaker 2:You can't negate anything anything is possible. That's what they say.
Speaker 3:I can get like twenty minutes in on battle bots. And then I'm like
Speaker 1:I'm I'm saying would you like well, would you
Speaker 3:like I wanna see like someone really kick someone's ass. If you Amen, man. Amen. That's man. Amen.
Speaker 1:$25 building, a robot. Like, I I would think this would appeal to the, like, you
Speaker 3:know If I'm building a robot
Speaker 1:Wouldn't you, like, wanna build one
Speaker 2:of these
Speaker 3:get a couple treadmills, put them under a couch, drive that shit down the street. You
Speaker 1:know I mean? It's like a plot But
Speaker 3:then I'm like, where am gonna park it when I'm done with it? That's the problem. It's like you because I I already did that. I put a set of car wheels on one of those, like, bicycle beach trikes. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And now I'm like, no one wants to buy it. You know what mean?
Speaker 1:Gotta put it on Facebook
Speaker 3:or be easier to give it give it away for free as a bicycle.
Speaker 1:You know?
Speaker 2:You know you're not you like that tell about the
Speaker 3:dude. It's got, like, $500 wheel bearings.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You're like you're like the guy who built the Killdozer. You could build anything.
Speaker 1:He's much much less desperate
Speaker 2:than You that could do it. You could build the Killdozer.
Speaker 3:You know, it's really I really wanna finish the projects I got already, you know, at the house. It's like I already have, Before like I start a new one, you know.
Speaker 2:The killdozer?
Speaker 3:Even just the couple of mopeds that are in the way right now.
Speaker 1:No. I got a couple of killer mopeds, but
Speaker 2:Do you think you could take the mopeds okay. Because you said something very interesting before about the couches, with the treadmill. I really like that idea. Because I like the world wars and I like tank, you know. So if you what if you took the mopeds
Speaker 3:That's how this podcast should be. We're driving on a treadmill couch.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:That would be
Speaker 2:tight. It's okay.
Speaker 1:So If you build us that treadmill couch, we'll get you we'll trade you two mopeds for a treadmill couch with, like Yeah. It's gotta have two outlets.
Speaker 3:Honestly, the couch is free. The treadmill are free. It's really just, like, get them all together
Speaker 2:and, like Do you think you could attach take the wheels off?
Speaker 3:You have to like wrap the treadmill and tires or something.
Speaker 2:Could you take the wheels off the Vespa and make the Vespa run on the treadmill track? So the red the Vespa just like goes like
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah. So the Vespa so
Speaker 2:it's got
Speaker 3:good power.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. So it just
Speaker 3:goes like a 200 cc Yeah. Tank.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Could you do that?
Speaker 3:Yeah. We'd have to get, a fatty, like, fat tire. In the front? On the Vespa. Well, you got Like a thick, like a drag slick.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:So it would hold the belt.
Speaker 2:Well, you got all those cars and stuff. You could
Speaker 1:do Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I see what you're saying.
Speaker 2:You could do it with with all those car tires you got.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I got a bunch of tires for free on marketplace right now. We could take them down and start building.
Speaker 1:That would be funny, like, if the assassin army had just like Vespas with like tank treads Yeah.
Speaker 2:That they
Speaker 1:like rolled up on.
Speaker 2:Giant front tires.
Speaker 1:They're just like full size motor cycles. It
Speaker 3:would be totally possible to do this, like, I got free e bikes, you know what I mean? Like, you can get the motors.
Speaker 2:You ever gotten a Peloton? Have you ever gotten a Peloton?
Speaker 3:I've seen them. I just don't get like that much workout equipment. You know what I get that sells right away? Barbells. Okay.
Speaker 2:I can see that.
Speaker 3:Those sell every time.
Speaker 2:You get which ones do
Speaker 1:you But like, why are they not what like makes you a better distributor where you're getting money for the barbells?
Speaker 2:Yeah. How come this other person can't just sell it? Yeah. How come you're just smarter
Speaker 3:than It's like, if you go into the if you think, oh, do you just like, I'm buying barbells this week. You know what I mean? Then you go to the store and it's like $85 for one. You know what I mean? Then you go on marketplace and it's like $20 for 62 pounds.
Speaker 3:You're like, oh, shit.
Speaker 2:I'm going to this guy's house That's right pretty tight.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Do you ever run into strangers?
Speaker 3:Oh, I can't wait to run into them.
Speaker 2:Well, I guess that was my fault. I meant to say strange people, but it just came out as strangers.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah. They came to my house today, bought a bike. Yeah. He tried to be like, I'll give you 80. And I was like, I'll take a 100.
Speaker 1:The agreed upon price.
Speaker 2:Did he, do you ever get anybody comes and tries to kiss you?
Speaker 3:No, not yet. Time for everybody.
Speaker 2:That's, do you think, do you think
Speaker 3:I I would've like, what do
Speaker 2:you think it'd be a man or a lady?
Speaker 3:Well, I'd hope it would be a lady, but
Speaker 2:What would you But do you
Speaker 3:But usually guys show up.
Speaker 1:You know what mean? Odds
Speaker 3:are.
Speaker 2:What if a guy What if a man Do you think of
Speaker 3:I sell garden and stuff and then ladies come.
Speaker 2:Do you think of
Speaker 1:You know, your your market, dude. I'm impressed, man. You're like quite the little businessman, Rich. I I didn't really like know like this side of you and I love it.
Speaker 2:It's really it is actually very very funny and fascinating. It's amazing.
Speaker 1:I feel like this is like the kind of reality show I would like like I used to love like the fuck where they go through the like the storage units or like Yeah. So They like there's one where they go through old bronze and look like for antiques.
Speaker 2:The pickers. The pickers. American pickers.
Speaker 1:Love to just like follow Richard on with the camera like that. I'm gonna turn this into fucking $50.
Speaker 2:You just fucking watch me. Hell yeah, dude. You see that old comic book? I'm gonna make it into a billion dollars. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I like that, dude.
Speaker 1:They did. They were giving this for free. It's Superman number one. Fucking idiots.
Speaker 3:Sometimes you can take magazine and cut the ads out and sell them for 20 on eBay.
Speaker 1:What? That's not true. Yeah. It is. No.
Speaker 1:It's not.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It is. What what
Speaker 1:like how like an old magazine?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Just like if you're at a flea market stack
Speaker 2:What sort of fucking dipshit haywire idiot? Are you selling that to a That's insane.
Speaker 3:Some of the vintage ads. Actually, I like Wow. You can't believe that was allowed in an ad, guys.
Speaker 2:Interesting. But people don't wanna buy the ads.
Speaker 1:No. It's like they they they wanna buy the
Speaker 3:see like
Speaker 2:when you're when you're
Speaker 3:shopping on eBay, you don't realize you're just getting a piece of paper in the mail, like, while you're drinking your glass of chardonnay and buying like baskets of stuff. So like, all of a sudden this piece, the laminated piece of paper comes, you know what I mean? And you put 25 on it, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:That's fascinating. It's true. Yeah. So people buy and they buy the book they buy the
Speaker 3:magazine If or you sell a few ads out of one of those, boom, you make
Speaker 2:So wait, so you're selling the ads or the or the magazine?
Speaker 1:Well, it's gotta be like a
Speaker 3:You take the magazine and you cut the ad out and then
Speaker 1:These are like from like the sixties or something. Right? Like back in the day.
Speaker 3:You know how they have those like sleeves, like you can put a paper in and put it in a binder, sell it in like something like that. So like it does the edges don't get fucked up in the mail.
Speaker 2:Yeah. What's the strangest thing you ever sold in your life? You ever sold your penis? You ever sold love?
Speaker 3:I sold a trough one time. Like, for pigs? Yeah. Nice. Like a big trough.
Speaker 1:And it's like, I got five of those in my truck. That's not strange at all. And now, my god.
Speaker 3:When I was buying it, I was like, why am I buying this trough? It was huge. Yeah.
Speaker 2:They're not Heavy.
Speaker 1:That's a weird acquisition.
Speaker 3:But I think I got it for, like, $20. Okay. And I sold it for $300.
Speaker 2:How the fuck, dude?
Speaker 3:But it was fucking huge and heavy. I could barely move it, dude. I needed help with it
Speaker 1:for I thought, a dude.
Speaker 3:Dude, it was like 14 feet long and like lead.
Speaker 2:Is that also the strangest thing you've ever picked up? Was it was it trough? What what what's the strangest thing you've ever like been like, hey, I think I'm oh, man. I could do something with that.
Speaker 3:I don't know. Let's see. Sometimes it's like a like an old lady, like
Speaker 2:An old lady?
Speaker 3:Like a like a makeup
Speaker 1:Got about
Speaker 3:50 Like bucks a for makeup I don't know what it's called. It's like a case. It's like a pocket of makeup or something. And
Speaker 2:that could
Speaker 3:be I know what It's like a powder It's like a powder case or something.
Speaker 1:No. Know what you're talking about.
Speaker 3:And okay. So I I got one. Right? And did you give that to me? And I was like, how how often am I buying these, like, powder cases?
Speaker 3:Right? Like, who why what brings me to this powder case?
Speaker 1:Right?
Speaker 3:Yeah. I'm looking for a moped
Speaker 1:over here. Let me
Speaker 3:see this powder case, and it's kinda like shiny, like a pearl. It's got like a pearl essence. Yeah. And it's got like a I think it was like a butterfly on
Speaker 1:top of it. Sounds sounds pretty.
Speaker 3:And I yeah. And I like looked at the bottom and it said Noritake in like a
Speaker 2:green Japanese. That must be Japanese.
Speaker 3:In like a green stamp.
Speaker 2:That must be and it was from Japan?
Speaker 3:And so I got it for like a dollar and sold it for like $300 on eBay. Fuck.
Speaker 2:They Are you sold that to a lady or man? Was it a
Speaker 1:lady or I don't
Speaker 3:know who bought it. Some I don't know. Was like a company bought it to probably resell that. I think they probably sold it for like 800 to the final lady or
Speaker 1:They're like, I can't believe this idiot selling it for 300.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.
Speaker 2:This is crazy. That is fair cinating. And tastes
Speaker 1:like it crazy amounts of like money.
Speaker 3:You have to just look up the thing Yeah. Because you can take a picture of that Noritake thing and be like, oh, these ones are good and these ones are worthless. You know what mean?
Speaker 2:I just can't believe that you do this so well. You really are like an American picker. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I actually dug a Coca Cola sign out of the ground. 1932. How'd you know it was there? Do you have like a metal detector? The corner of it was sticking out, and I was like, what's this deli sign?
Speaker 1:He just sounded because
Speaker 3:he said like delicious and refreshing or something on the bottom, and I could see deli. Yeah. And I'm like,
Speaker 1:what's what's
Speaker 3:what's this deli sign? And I just started digging, and it was like, I had to dig for eight hours in Holden, Mass. There's like a bottle dump next to the reservoir. You go you go out, you could go there right now and find like random stuff. I'll I'll come home with wheelbarrows full, like, if I go there.
Speaker 3:It's dangerous.
Speaker 2:I love yeah. Dude, you either you're either doing stand up comedy or you're at the fucking reservoir of pictures.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I thought you were like, you can't make
Speaker 3:money in stand up. No. You gotta dig shit out of the ground.
Speaker 1:I like the idea of this sign just taunting you for, like, days before you're like, I'm gonna do that son of a bitch up.
Speaker 3:I like just No. No. It was the day that as soon as I seen it, my I was like with my mom and my brother.
Speaker 1:And I was like Gotta go. We were
Speaker 2:trying to dig it out
Speaker 3:with like broken sticks and I made someone go back and get a shovel. You ever seen And then I was there for, like, eight hours until it was out of the ground. Hey.
Speaker 2:Hey. It's chill.
Speaker 1:Yeah. That's Mila. That's Mila. Anyway.
Speaker 2:You know who you remind me of? You ever seen Trailer Park Boys?
Speaker 3:Oh, I love Trailer
Speaker 2:Park You remind me of Bubbles, dude. You remind me of Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. Yeah. You like you you like, I need I need another shopping cart, please.
Speaker 1:There are
Speaker 3:I've actually taken shopping carts and I made a welding cart out of it. Like I cut the basket off Amazing. Made like a table and now it's like
Speaker 1:We gotta Curious to see like how much of the barking like translates into the into the episode? You know, I can't really tell. Mila. Does seem like it's getting picked up. At any time.
Speaker 1:We'll be there.
Speaker 2:We gotta stop it for a second? Alright. Sweet. There we go.
Speaker 1:Alright. And we're back. Hell
Speaker 2:yeah. Hell yeah.
Speaker 1:Just a little, like, little minor dog interruption there.
Speaker 2:Just a little bit of a dog barking.
Speaker 1:That's fine. But yeah, we're talking to you about how you're like, maybe the most resourceful man in comedy digging up Coca Cola signs.
Speaker 2:Our very own bubbles from trailer park.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Oh yeah. So that Coke sign. Yeah. I dug it out the ground and then I couldn't sell it for the life of me.
Speaker 3:I tried selling it.
Speaker 2:I would think that that would
Speaker 1:be like a shit ton
Speaker 2:of money. No, I agree. No one's who's
Speaker 3:buying terrible ones. Some of them were worth like $5. So I wanted like $5. You know what
Speaker 1:I mean?
Speaker 3:I thought in my mind. But it was it was the dug out of the
Speaker 1:ground one. So it was beats
Speaker 3:as shit. No one's gonna give you $5 for that Yeah. Idiot kid. You know what sell Did many times did I get that? Yeah.
Speaker 3:I traded it for a motorcycle. Of course you did.
Speaker 2:Of course you didn't. And then
Speaker 3:I sold the motorcycle for a thousand bucks.
Speaker 1:That's pretty good. That ain't
Speaker 2:bad, dude.
Speaker 1:I mean, for something you dug out of the ground. It's remarkable.
Speaker 3:I actually rode the motorcycle for like two years. So
Speaker 1:there you go. Yeah. That's pretty cool. It's pretty cool.
Speaker 2:Have you ever done anything on the shopping cart?
Speaker 3:Oh
Speaker 1:yeah. He just said he was telling us about, making the welding cart.
Speaker 3:Right? I cut the basket off one, made it into a welding cart. I put a channel,
Speaker 2:but not like a, that's not like a car or anything. You weren't, you weren't driving in or nothing. Were you?
Speaker 1:No. Like you think he's going to make a moped?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Like a vehicle or some kind. I thought you were just doing a lot of vehicles. I thought you're doing vehicle work.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, I got the welder.
Speaker 1:Yeah. He's have you seen the so when you got a Capo, you know, big shout out to Capo. Rich, when he records himself, he has this thing he's made with a big old magnet and then like he's welded like a phone holder So he can just stick it on any sort of like metal object. And then, like, it's act like, that's the first thing where I was like, that guy's like way smarter than I realized. Like, that's fucking awesome.
Speaker 1:Like He's a real just a really good idea. Like He's a genius.
Speaker 2:He's like Bubbles. He's the smartest guy in the trailer park, dude. He's a genius. Smartest guy in the trailer park. We all got together this year.
Speaker 2:We got Richard Go Kart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,
Speaker 1:he does sit there and watch a lot of the time. You're like, alright. That's cool. But then you're like, damn. Richard is actually like really on top of shit.
Speaker 1:It's like It's like a remarkable. Fascinating. Yeah, dude. I just like, as soon as I like realized you had made that thing, I was blown away. I was like, it's really cool.
Speaker 3:I need to I I wanted to start a whole business selling that thing, but then it's just like a lot of work. It's like you gotta first, you gotta bake them and then you gotta try to sell them. And then it's like, if people don't
Speaker 2:because you want go them run around town stealing damn mopeds and selling them or whatever the
Speaker 3:hell you're Most of them are free. Yeah. I well, the thing is is like I had no mopeds they'll sell right now. If I post a picture of that thing, people are like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, bro.
Speaker 2:I like
Speaker 3:a marketing campaign, like
Speaker 2:That's what you do need then.
Speaker 3:Then like and then have the website all set up and everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Because you can get, like, hot girls to buy that. Hot girls would buy that. They love to have they love to take pictures of themselves.
Speaker 3:It's the kind of thing it's super useful if you're taking videos, if you want, like, b roll, you put it on, like, the hood of your car Yep. Or you can fucking hang it till the ceiling.
Speaker 2:What do you call what do you call it? What do you call this device?
Speaker 3:The first one I made is called a flying swallow.
Speaker 2:A flying swallow. I like that. Everybody everyone, ladies and gentlemen, reach out to Rich Condon if you'd like to purchase the flying swallow, whether you're a comedian or a hot girl or hot guy, whatever it is that you're doing where you need to take a picture of yourself, masturbate, do whatever it is, whatever you're doing, reach out to Rich Condon for the flying swallow, ladies and gentlemen. Was the what
Speaker 1:was the second one called?
Speaker 3:It's really hard to sell something and you can't see it. You just like you just described like
Speaker 2:It's like it's excellent. I don't even know what
Speaker 1:it looks like It's magnifying It's like
Speaker 3:a bunch of bent wrenches with a with a car inner tie rod welded. If you like You know?
Speaker 1:Metal sculpture and filming yourself.
Speaker 2:It's unbelievable. And and and it doesn't discriminate. You can even you can you can you can touch yourself in front of it. You can do whatever you want. You can do anything you want in front of it.
Speaker 2:It doesn't discriminate the flying swallow. The flying swallow, ladies and gentlemen. Please reach out to Rich Condon for the flying swallow, the creator of the flying swallow.
Speaker 3:So what happened was, I had a bunch of plastic bone mounts that just kept breaking. I had a pile of them. And I'm like, am I gonna go buy another one of these right now?
Speaker 2:And you don't do plastic.
Speaker 3:I just went to the garage. I started bending wrenches Yeah. And then put springs on that shit. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And do you do you do you do plastic? Can you work with plastic? Can you melt it and, like, make it in something?
Speaker 3:I've welded some plastic. I I have like a You can do that? Yeah. You use like a soldering iron and then melt it.
Speaker 2:And then you what? Squeeze it back over hard?
Speaker 3:You take the same plastic and melt it in there if it's like a hole you're filling or some shit. And like I fixed a canoe, like I got a free canoe.
Speaker 2:Oh, like with like resin With or
Speaker 3:a fucking, what is it, soldering iron? And then I sold it for $300. Someone it was a kayak. Someone came and got it
Speaker 2:right Fascinating. You could have been friends with like Bam Margera in like 2005. You could have cut the the hole on the top of his Lamborghini. You could have
Speaker 3:done that. We could hang now.
Speaker 1:People have been telling me I look like a young Bam Margera and I never really know how to take that.
Speaker 2:Interesting.
Speaker 1:It's been in like an interesting I've gotten it like three times in the past like, I don't know, like couple of months.
Speaker 3:You could do them for Halloween and get just get like tat like those like Yeah.
Speaker 2:The hymn, the the heart heart o gram. Heart o gram.
Speaker 1:It happens a lot more when I'm wearing a backwards hat. That's what it was. I was hanging out with like Tyler and Logan and they're like their sister or something was like, do you know like that you you look like Bam?
Speaker 2:I was like, thank you. And like, Dan Marchero?
Speaker 1:How old? Like, 20 or the currently dead version?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Exactly. Like The swollen one or the young one?
Speaker 1:Yeah. And each time I've said it, like, people have seen the look at my eye where I'm like, are you fucking with
Speaker 2:me? And they're like, no
Speaker 1:no no. The young one. I'm like, let's hope so.
Speaker 2:Not the swollen one. Not the one who's on drugs and is miserable now or whatever.
Speaker 1:Sad when I see pictures of him.
Speaker 2:Very, very depressing. It's very depressing. He's like so he's one of those guys who's like lost his mind. It's like, Johnny Knoxville, fuck me in the ass. He fucked me.
Speaker 2:You ever heard that?
Speaker 1:I believe it.
Speaker 2:He says stuff like that, I think.
Speaker 3:I've been going down the whole rabbit hole.
Speaker 2:Well, no. It's not
Speaker 1:don't even own a TV.
Speaker 2:It's one of those things where it's like Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, you know, where but he's like, they they but but Corey Feldman does that thing where he's
Speaker 1:like Isn't Corey Feldman dead?
Speaker 2:No. Corey Haim is dead. Oh. Corey Feldman is a is a washed up child star who does who makes music and dances like Michael Jackson very poorly.
Speaker 1:He just wishes he was dead.
Speaker 2:Yes. Gotcha. He wishes he was dead. It's remarkable music though. I really suggest you reach out.
Speaker 2:You you listen to his music because he has a great song. It's called Here He Comes, The Comeback King. Here He Comes, The Comeback King. Sure. So I recommend everyone check it out.
Speaker 2:It's very very good music. It's it's very good comedy. But he tells all the stuff about how him and Corey Haim used to get diddled or whatever. And then when people ask him about it, they're like, so what happened? They're like, oh, well, they took Corey Haim over to this tent and they they diddled the shit out of him and it was terrible.
Speaker 2:And they're like, yeah, what happened to you? And he's yeah, well they took Corey Haim over to this this hotel room. They diddled the shit out of him and they are too. It was crazy. They're like, but what about Corey?
Speaker 2:What about you, dude? And he's like, And then they took Corey Haim. Was in an airplane and they diddled the shit out of him
Speaker 1:out there.
Speaker 2:It was insane. Poor Corey Haim.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Exactly. But he says, we both got deal. And they're like, okay, when it happened to you? He's like, well, Haney went into Disneyland. They got him there and then we were on a plane and they got him there too and they're but what okay.
Speaker 2:Whatever. You know, so yeah. Corey Feltner. Interesting cat.
Speaker 1:Agreed. I concur. I watch lots of stuff. A lot
Speaker 2:of the stuff.
Speaker 3:I wonder if you got a podcast.
Speaker 1:I like the watch videos. Yeah. Would rather watch the watch videos. No. No.
Speaker 3:I could watch, like, 20 of them in a row.
Speaker 1:I love that shit.
Speaker 3:It's wild.
Speaker 2:I find much more
Speaker 3:interesting Wild.
Speaker 2:Let's see what I've been watching this guy named Derek Washington lately. You seen Derek Washington? He, like, walks past people and he's like and he does like it's awesome. He's like, oh oh, man. I'm gonna turn oh, look look at this guy.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna turn this guy into a waffle. And he snaps his fingers, and then they use, AI and the guy just turns into a waffle. And then and then he walks away. It's tight. It's really really cool.
Speaker 1:That makes me wanna shoot myself. It's so Sounds awful.
Speaker 2:Dude, it is some of the greatest television I've ever seen in my life. Shout out to Derek Washington, friend of the pod.
Speaker 1:No. Friend of Nate's side of the pod.
Speaker 2:Very good friend of the pod. But I need to
Speaker 1:look into the AI until I
Speaker 2:It's not a friend. No. It's not like AIUs, like, comedy where we're like, bleh. No. No.
Speaker 2:It's it's like really fucking funny, dude. It's so funny. These are like I saw one the other day where someone's like, Derek Washington. Shoot. He's like, yeah, that's me, Derek Washington.
Speaker 2:They're like, can you make my hands in diamonds? Oh, yeah. I'll make these guys hands in diamonds. Here we go. He snapped his finger in the guy's hands and just turned in turned into diamonds.
Speaker 2:It was tight. It was great. It was great. It was very, very good. It's good TV.
Speaker 2:You'd like it.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna move to the outskirts with Rich. Outskirts is where I wanna live now.
Speaker 2:It's great TV. It's great TV.
Speaker 1:I'm talking. Town is not for me anymore. I don't like it. I wanna live on the outskirts. Well, I'll
Speaker 2:take care
Speaker 3:of it.
Speaker 1:And I wanna, like, harvest metal and make it into sculptures and useful things.
Speaker 2:That is true. You do you kinda like live like you're in that game Fallout or whatever. You're just like picking up screws and coins and stuff and making them into stuff. It's pretty cool.
Speaker 1:Thousand percent. I'm gonna, like, reach out to Rich if the world ends. I'm gonna be like, can you guide me or help me? Let me say that's
Speaker 2:a good that is a good point. Okay. Let me let me give you a scenario here. I show up at your house tomorrow. I got a blender, a two by four, and an Etch A Sketch.
Speaker 2:And I put them in your hands. I said, build me something. What are gonna make?
Speaker 3:An Etch A Sketch, a blender, and a two by four?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:I don't know. You could like build like a nice stand for the blender. Then you could put the Etch A Sketch on the front of the
Speaker 1:stand. Talk about what's in the blender.
Speaker 3:And make like a sign that says juice for sale.
Speaker 1:Pretty good. Genius. That was genius.
Speaker 2:This is very good. You are. You're like bubbles. You're remarkable. You're very intelligent.
Speaker 3:That's it.
Speaker 2:I like it a lot, dude.
Speaker 3:I love it. I went down and bought a free boat motor.
Speaker 1:A free boat motor?
Speaker 3:It was like a
Speaker 2:Mongo gets stuff like that.
Speaker 3:200 horsepower Honda, huge boat motor. It was heavy.
Speaker 2:There's you can find stuff like that.
Speaker 3:And then I had to build a fucking stand for it out of two by fours and then it fell off that like three times. So I had to like learn how to build shit better.
Speaker 1:Dude, that's that's my uncle will
Speaker 2:do that with a like back in the day, like when he was young with a boat, like when he was just like done with it, when this boat was just like, well, his boat's heads run. I'm done with it. He just, like, pull over on the side of the interstate, unhook it, take the license plate off and take scratch the numbers off the side and leave it. And, you know, somebody just come get it sometime. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Now they just put them on marketplace.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. That was old school marketplace. Was the I 10.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. Fucking awesome.
Speaker 2:It's pretty tight, dude. Pretty tight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dude. Rich, I almost don't want you committing crimes. I want you just living this life and like building something I like
Speaker 3:started getting the free stuff because I was like, well, I can't do crime because I don't want to go to jail.
Speaker 2:I what
Speaker 3:I mean. You're too nice. You're resourceful.
Speaker 2:I don't
Speaker 1:want you assassinate the judiciary with a bunch of midgets, frankly.
Speaker 3:It's true. We like to I'm like not gonna be part of it.
Speaker 2:He's just running the show. Yeah. He's running
Speaker 1:the I just
Speaker 3:got the thought of the idea.
Speaker 1:I mean, it would be funny as hell. Let's hope somebody else does it.
Speaker 2:Amen. Amen, dude. Well, are you satisfied with your consultation here, friend?
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah. Great.
Speaker 2:Good. Good. Well, we're glad to have you. We are very glad to have you. Thank you for coming on.
Speaker 1:Yeah,
Speaker 2:Well, you got anything you want to plug?
Speaker 1:You can always see Rich Wednesdays at Capo pretty much. Right? You're a regular there.
Speaker 3:Yeah. No, you know, I I'm just like, you know, I I'm looking for a job, you know, except for I don't want to work there.
Speaker 2:You know? So one of those
Speaker 3:There's like jobs like that, you know?
Speaker 1:That'd be good. Jobs like what? Where you
Speaker 3:You know, like
Speaker 2:Where you get paid, but you don't do anything.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Like you show up.
Speaker 2:That's called a no work job. They only got that if you're the mafia.
Speaker 3:You show up, you get the keys for the truck. You take the truck, you sell the truck, you keep the money. Like, I need that job.
Speaker 1:You have that job.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I
Speaker 3:know. So
Speaker 2:And that brings me back to which I would like to plug again. You could purchase from from Rich Condon, creator of the Flying Swallow, ladies and gentlemen. You can purchase the Flying Swallow from Rich Condon. Please reach out to Rich Condon today for the Flying Swallow. It could be our first sponsor of the podcast, the Flying Swallow.
Speaker 2:Please reach out to Rich That
Speaker 3:thing would sell if we put like a
Speaker 1:You just gotta find like a A commercial.
Speaker 3:It needs a commercial. It needs like More
Speaker 2:than just wrenches Yeah. And bubble You need a factory that
Speaker 1:can put them together for you.
Speaker 3:I I just want like it's like, you know, when you try and you're trying to get a viral video and then you get one. Yeah. It's like, need it to be that one. The promotional thing.
Speaker 2:Well, that's what we'll work on it. We'll team up. We'll team up. Alright. Well, nonetheless, we appreciate you coming on again, dude.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, Rich.
Speaker 3:Appreciate it.
Speaker 1:It's been a great time, man. Appreciate it.
Speaker 3:Appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Of course.
Speaker 1:Alright. Well, I'm Joe.
Speaker 2:I'm Nate.
Speaker 1:And this has been Perfect Crimes.