Mastering Difficult Conversations on the Masonic Journey

Summary
In this insightful episode, we delve into maneuvering tough discussions, aligning intentions, and staying focused amidst confrontation. Discover the art of productive dialogue, whether in your lodge or daily life, and learn to let the 'noise' fade while pursuing your mission. Tune in for practical advice on fostering harmony and advancing collective goals.

Key Points
• Identifying behavior root causes
• Align objectives to facilitate talks
• Turn abrasive interactions positive
• Utilizing tactics for complex discussions
• Embrace discomfort for effective dialogue

Best Quotes
00:11 - 00:21
• "So there will be people in your life, I'm sure, I don't need to tell you, that will behave in ways that seem really, really counterintuitive."

01:34 - 01:47
• "There are obvious reasons for most people, they're seeking, you know, some sort of deference or superiority complex or some sort of approval or, or validation or whatever those sort of needs might be."

02:00 - 02:15
• "But when it comes to the bigger order stuff, where it's like, you know, we're at cross purposes, we don't have an aligned objective, then, you know, the work that you would wanna do should be spent on aligning to mission."

03:54 - 04:00
• "Asking questions like, you just said something, what was the intent? What are you driving to? What are you trying to get to?"

04:08 - 04:18
• "Don't be afraid to reiterate your understanding of their point. Say, listen, I, I'm not sure I understand this, but I, what I think I heard was X or Y or Z."

04:48 - 04:55
• "Your worry is to get that alignment and then move from a tactical, you know, perspective through the steps you're gonna need to execute your vision."

Creators & Guests

Host

Brian Mattocks

Host and Founder of A Mason's Work - a podcast designed to help you use symbolism to grow. He's been working in the craft for over a decade and served as WM, trustee, and sat in every appointed chair in a lodge - at least once :D

What is A Mason's Work?

In this show we discuss the practical applications of masonic symbolism and how the working tools can be used to better yourself, your family, your lodge, and your community. We help good freemasons become better men through honest self development. We talk quite a bit about mental health and men's issues related to emotional and intellectual growth as well.

Brian
00:01

So we just recently talked about the process of identifying root cause for behaviors, and this really becomes tricky with other people. So there will be people in your life, I'm sure, I don't need to tell you, that will behave in ways that seem really, really counterintuitive. There are people that may seem to antagonize you. There are people, well-meaning people, folks perhaps even in your lodge that may not treat you the way you would like to be treated or expect to be treated. There are generally a couple of ways to go about resolving these issues. First things first, if you can, if you can get back to alignment. So in our ritual, the, the construction of the temple is central to the conversation. And so using the temple as a concept for aligning, you know, people's intent. Say, listen, I'm not sure you know what your intent here is.

Brian
01:08

My intent is as follows. If you're aligned on intent in any of the conversations you might be having with others, the the rest of the conversation then becomes a little bit, sort of easier. Now, some folks will find it in their day-to-day behavior to be abrasive or to be demeaning, and there's reasons for that. There are obvious reasons for most people, they're seeking, you know, some sort of deference or superiority complex or some sort of approval or, or validation or whatever those sort of needs might be. So, so you can dismiss some of the smaller order behaviors with, with people when it comes to stuff like that, so long as they're not imminently disruptive. But when it comes to the bigger order stuff, where it's like, you know, we're at cross purposes, we don't have an aligned objective, then, you know, the, the work that you would wanna do should be spent on aligning to mission or, or, you know, using the temple sim symbolism, you know, what temple are we building here? From there, working through the approaches to solving that problem, there will very likely be a situation in your professional or Masonic life where you will have agreement and principle on a direction, but you'll have disagreement on the methodologies that you might use to solve a problem. And so this is a great place to start testing out some of the working tools that you're using. You know, lay out your

Brian
02:58

Work, lay out the, the conversation that you want to have, walk folks through the step-by-step and be open to the notion that you might be wrong and, and you might be right. And, and neither of those justify getting abused or, or being abusive. So as you work through those sort of steps to get from point A to point B, the, the working through the mechanics of the conversation, the, the tactical, hows and ins and outs, like, Hey, I think what you just said seems pretty dismissive of my perspective. Being able to assert yourself on a sort of a specific basis will help maintain that alignment to the overall objective, and at the same time give you the chance to really work in a way that's more productive. Asking questions like, you just said something, what was the intent? What are you driving to? What are you trying to get to?

Brian
04:00

Don't be afraid as well in conversations that are difficult like this. And there's books, tons of books on how to have hard conversations, but don't be afraid to reiterate your understanding of their point. Say, listen, I, I'm not sure I understand this, but I, what I think I heard was X or Y or Z. And as you do that, as you start to take almost a, like a, a research scientist or an archeological approach, I wonder why this is this way, or, or, can you help me understand a little bit better as to why you're saying this or why you're doing this? And it's much harder to do this. I recognize when somebody's being intentionally abrasive or, or demeaning, but that's not your worry, right? That's just essentially signal, it's noise and a signal, right? Your worry is to get that alignment and then move from a tactical, you know, perspective through the steps you're gonna need to execute your vision. And so as you start doing this work, as you start sort of really embracing that, this is gonna be an uncomfortable spot for you and probably for them when you're having these conversations. As you work through these things, you'll find that your ability to let the noise in a conversation sort of dissipate or, or ignore it, and only focus on the mission, will help you get a whole lot further in your quests to interact well with the people you care about.

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