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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
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Speaker 1:Find out more by following us on social media or going to our website at youcanmentor.com. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:What up, mentors and mentoring leaders? Hey. I'm here to talk about the National Christian Mentoring Gathering. I would love to see you and your team join us in Colorado Springs, Colorado, April Sixteenth through the eighteenth. We're gonna be there for three days.
Speaker 2:We're gonna get refreshed and recharged as Christian mentoring leaders. At the gathering, we're gonna connect with God and other mentoring executives, learn best practices. We're gonna build key relationships to collaborate and encourage each other. There's gonna be good food, beautiful surroundings, and gorgeous Colorado, meaningful conversations, I promise you and your team will leave inspired, equipped, and ready to pour out. Go to our website, youcanmentor.com, to learn more and to sign up.
Speaker 2:Can't wait to see you in Colorado. You can mentor. Sign up today. Welcome to the You Can Mentor podcast. This is your best mentoring friend, Zach.
Speaker 2:I'm here with Dominic Sanchez from Urban Story. Dominic, say hello today. How's it going, guys? Glad to be here. Excited.
Speaker 2:Man, Dominic, it is good to have you, my man. So how's it going out there on on, the West Coast today?
Speaker 3:It's it's going good. It's about 57 degrees here. And, by the end of the month, it'll be, like, 70 degrees here in Fresno. So
Speaker 2:Man. And so so I don't know anything about California because I'm in Texas. Okay. But so you're up in Fresno. Is that north?
Speaker 2:Is that south or what?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So we're in the Central Valley, so that's straight right in the middle.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:So that's where we're at. So we're in between we're three hours from San Francisco and three hours from Los Angeles, either direction. Yeah. So we're straight in the middle.
Speaker 2:So does that mean that you're, like, a LA chargers fan, services for 40 niners? What's up?
Speaker 3:So I I'm a Lakers fan. So, like, I'm I'm a basketball guy. So, in terms of, like so it get people choose. So I'm a niners fan and a Lakers
Speaker 2:fan. Okay. Let's do it.
Speaker 3:So We'll kinda choose which way they're gonna go.
Speaker 2:Man, what do you feel about Luka?
Speaker 3:Oh, I feel real good about Luka. I think that we've secured I think it was a great trade for the Lakers.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It was a fantastic trade for the Lakers. That's why I'm so mad about it because
Speaker 3:Oh, man. Are you in Dallas?
Speaker 2:Oh, dude. I'm I'm an hour and a half from Dallas, but I was born and raised in Dallas. And, man, I'm Yeah.
Speaker 3:Just so upset. Hey. That's a crazy trade.
Speaker 2:Makes no sense. But Yeah. It is what it is. So, man, how how did I find out about you, Dominic? Man, I I think I came across your Instagram account, and I was just like, who is this cat?
Speaker 2:Like, he is mentoring. He this guy loves kids. This guy loves mentoring, and, I think I just tossed over a tossed over a message and asked if, you would be cool with hopping on the pod. So, so, man, like, why don't you just tell us just a tiny bit about who is Dominic? You're married.
Speaker 2:You got any kids. What do you like to do? Just tell us about yourself.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So single, twenty eight years old. I like to play basketball. I play, sing, drum. I have a studio, rap, do a do a lot of different activities.
Speaker 3:Mostly mostly, I'm doing mentorship and and working and stuff. But when I'm not working, those are the types of acts. Trying to trying to balance it out.
Speaker 2:Okay. Okay. Awesome, man. So so tell me how you got into mentoring.
Speaker 3:So I got into mentoring, because at 15, the lord kinda I I gave my life to Christ, and I had been kicked out of every school in the district here in Fresno, in both districts, Clovis and Fresno. And the Lord basically had a calling on my life, and and I heard the voice of God say, you need to go on the highways and byways and tell people about Jesus. And so from there, I went up on the stage. I said, hey. I'm gonna give my life to Christ, and there was a one eighty turnaround in my life.
Speaker 3:And from there, I pursued missions work, and I went to Bible College, Medford, Oregon. Was hooked up with a guy named Johnny Schmelzer who was kind of mentoring me there, and we used to go to apartment complexes. And we would go pick up youth and pile them in our cars and bring them to youth group. And so that's really where the Lord began to speak to me and say, you're not only just a missionary. You're an urban missionary for The United States.
Speaker 3:And so that's kinda where my passion for mentorship, kinda went into place as as well as my own story of, like, I I had mentors in my life, that were seasonal. But in terms of, like, in the church, there wasn't, like, a lot of mentorship for me. And so God kinda filled those gaps, but that's part of my passion as well is being that mentor for individuals who don't have access. Okay. So that's how that's how I got into what I do.
Speaker 2:Man. So and then why don't you tell us a tiny bit about UrbanStory and some of the work that, you do there?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So my end goal is to see people give their life to Christ and discipled in a way to where they can fulfill their purpose. And so that's been, like, my my whole entire goal even with UrbanStory. We have a office building here in Youth for Christ where I worked for, like, six years. So pretty people know that organization.
Speaker 3:And, UrbanStory was just an outflow of doing campus ministry. And so, it's kind of a long story. We knew when we work when I was working at Youth for Christ, we had 10% of each campus that were working on giving their life to Christ each year. And so that bled into, like, neighborhoods. And so we started partnering with youth groups, and what we realized was that there's a need to train the local church to be able to work in neighborhoods where we work, which is a lot of times we're dealing with violent behavior, aggressive behavior because we work in neighborhoods that are attached with with gang activity.
Speaker 3:And so a lot of the youth that we're working with and the families, there's a lot of behavior problems, and a lot of times the church doesn't know how to handle that. And so urban story first and foremost was created to tell the story, to tell the urban story because there's a lot of misconceptions, especially when you take a lot of youth. We were taking 70 to a hundred youth every single week to different youth groups, and there's a story that's painted based upon behaviors. And people don't really understand where the causes of the how the causes of those behaviors are influencing how they act. And, so we wanna be able to empower the local church to disciple and mentor more effectively in these communities.
Speaker 3:And the way we do that is by partnering with people who feel called to this ministry and bringing them into these neighborhoods, doing home visits, doing discipleship, and all sorts of, like, curriculum based ways. So that is a lot urban history is a lot, but we wanna change the narrative.
Speaker 2:Change the narrative of, okay. Okay. Can, you kinda share with us what are some of those misconceptions?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So one of the things that people so when people when we're harvesting new believers, especially youth from neighborhoods experiencing violent crime, when they come into the church, it's very foreign to them. It's a different culture. It's a different, it's there's things that are being said. There's things that are being done that they don't really understand because it doesn't they don't use these these languages.
Speaker 3:They don't have these these preset, cultural expectations. And so what happens is that there's behavior problems, and what what people will what I experienced in the church is that because there's behavior problems, then their salvation is inauthentic. Meaning, because they haven't changed their fruit, the then the salvation wasn't truly real. And what I've realized is that in Matthew 28, it says, teach them to observe all that I've commanded you in the great commission. And that's what urban story wants to do.
Speaker 3:It wants to train the local church to teach the neighborhood how to observe all that Christ has commanded. And so that would be the first misconception is that behavior is what determines whether somebody's saved or not. And what we believe is that faith alone in Jesus Christ is what determines whether somebody's saved.
Speaker 2:I don't even have that answer to the question. 100%, Dominic. You are just preaching to the choir, man. So so okay. So you go out into these, you know, you go out into these neighborhoods.
Speaker 2:You pick up the kids. You take them to church. And then tell me what, like, some of the mentors there at church, you know, what in your opinion does an active mentor kinda need to have to be able to love these kids with the love of Jesus?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So first of all, I believe that individuals are called to urban ministry and especially, like, the kind of ministry that we're doing that's out in neighborhoods. So that's the first thing. They have to be called to this type of ministry. They have to have a love for.
Speaker 3:God has to have put something in their heart to go out there. So that's the first thing. The second thing is is they have to have the training. So part of that training is, like that is ongoing with us is training on how to deescalate conflict, training on how to understand trauma and how it affects a young person's brain and their behaviors, training on ADHD and how that affects them, especially when you're trying to disciple and teach something in, like, a classroom environment, and then, how to do evangelism. So, like and then the basic ones is, like, being a life giving member to the of the body of Christ yourself.
Speaker 3:And that's, like, our vision statement is we want every community member to become a life giving member of the body of Christ. And what I've realized is a lot of church members are not getting what they need even in their churches. Like, they don't know how to preach the gospel. They don't they don't know how to share their testimony. They don't understand, like, how to read the Bible themselves, how to pray, and, they don't understand, like, how to hear God's voice, what their purpose is.
Speaker 3:And so in order to become an effective mentor to the greatest capacity, I believe that there's a mix between urban ministry training and the local church receiving discipleship themselves. And so that's what we try to do. We have, like, a we had kinda have a twofold process. We train the local church and disciple them, and we also disciple the community. And so a lot of times in our programs, we have the community and the church be discipled together.
Speaker 3:Okay. And so That
Speaker 2:yeah. For sure. So so, like, me. Right? Like, let's just say that I have no experience with this.
Speaker 2:Like, I am used to hanging out with kids who, you know, they've got two parents. They come from safe homes. They go to good schools. And then all of a sudden, I am just exposed to to this new type of kid that I don't have lots of experience with. Right?
Speaker 2:Now, like, tell me some of the tools that you guys teach to help this mentor mentor in those kinds of circumstances. Right? Like, tell me what a mentor like, tell me what you guys teach your mentor if their kid does experience certain kinds of trauma or if they do have ADHD or if they are just like, you know, they really enjoy creating conflict.
Speaker 3:Yeah. One of the first things that takes place with us, and this is, like, the urban story thing, like, exposing that story, kind of, like, where the kids are coming from is taking the mentor to do a home visit. And that's that's the big one, and that's where I think urban story is really unique. We are right inside of the neighborhood. We go into people's homes.
Speaker 3:We pray over their homes. And I think when mentors are able to see where the kids are coming from, then I think that changes how they view the kid when they have behavior problems. So if they're able to come in, like, and see that, you know, they're lacking in daily food and clothing and the environment of the community, like, being in the projects and stuff like that. A lot of people who are in the church are that's like a foreign concept to them. Like, just in Fresno, at least, and I'm sure for other cities.
Speaker 3:But, like, when you go there, I mean, you see gang members on the corner. You see people coming in and out of the house. You see, like, people doing drugs, like, in these kids' homes. You see the bad conditions of the houses that they're living in in the environment, and I think that kind of exposes that story, and that helps to that helps to allow the mentor to kinda have some grace in a sense because they're able to actually see it instead of just hearing about it. And so any person that's come out to do home visits with us has stayed as a mentor and, has continued to stay involved with this ministry because I think people don't truly understand the realities.
Speaker 3:And I can go into a lot of the realities, of, like, what's going on out there, at least in the city of Fresno. I'm sure across The United States. But, yeah, I don't know if that answers the the question. So the first thing would be home visits and then ongoing training, in those categories, ADHD, trauma, de escalation, urban classroom management, stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, like, I know for me I mean, we have a have a bunch of sayings. Right? Like, there is no such thing as a bad kid. There Yeah.
Speaker 2:Always a reason why. You know? There's always a reason why the kids act now. There's always a reason why the kids fire. There's always a reason why.
Speaker 2:And, typically, it has it has to to do with their hurts. It has to do with their pains. It has to, you know, it has to do with their story. And just, like, it's really hard to judge someone once you've heard their story. And Yeah.
Speaker 2:In going into their homes and seeing their lives and seeing what they have and seeing what they don't have, you know, that stirs up compassion. That's her that Mhmm. Stirs up a heart that you have to have if you're gonna mentor, build relationships for the long haul. Because it is one thing if if you don't know a kid's story and they start acting out and they're not paying attention to you and you're trying to teach them stuff, and they're they're just talking. They're just fighting.
Speaker 2:It's really easy to quit. You're just like, man, forget this. This ain't working. But when you start hearing their story, when you start hearing their testimony, when you when you start talking about their parents and everything that they've experienced. Right?
Speaker 2:Like, there's so many kids out there who've experienced more, and they're only, like, 15, but they've experienced more in fifteen years than I have in my, you know, in my forty years. And I'm just like, well, no wonder they're mad. No wonder they're angry. No wonder they don't trust because they've experienced all of these things. So yep.
Speaker 2:Man, so, like, I would just love to hear just why are you passionate about all of this stuff? Like, one of my favorite things that I've heard coming out of your mouth is, your pain can turn into your passion. And so I would love to hear kinda your story and just kinda how the Lord took what you experienced and turn it into something that's helping a bunch of kids.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, a little bit of my background. I have a unique story. I kinda grew up in a suburban neighborhood, but the environment in my home and the circumstances of my life were I I didn't really fit in as a kid. Dad was addicted to methamphetamines my whole life, in and out of prison, in and out of my life.
Speaker 3:Mom struggled with sickness, cancer. She's better now. ADHD in the classroom, on a load of medications, mental problems, all sorts of stuff. Just and, really, what that that did in my life is it led me to feel rejected. It led me to feel like I was an outcast, and I really didn't have a place where I felt like people truly saw me, saw my story.
Speaker 3:And so, growing up, I was kicked out a lot of schools. You know, I like to minister to kids that are that are the most difficult kids because I was the most difficult kid. Like, when I was in school, I had to do half days because I couldn't last within the classroom. So the day care would come pick me up, and I couldn't I couldn't do it. I was on sixty milligrams of Ritalin.
Speaker 3:Every every year that I was in school, I was suspended. When I went into my teenage years, the cops were being called to my house. Consistently, there was a lot of chaos and a lot of strife within my home, and so I kinda had this chaotic environment. One of the big part of my story is my grandfather passing away on my sixth grade camp from a football sized tumor in his stomach. And so that was a really try because he was my father figure, my mentor.
Speaker 3:And so from there, I just kinda went off the rails. At 12 years old, I got an altercation and, cut someone with a rusted blade and went into the juvenile justice system, and that's kind of a unique part of my I have a lot of unique parts of my story, but my my schooling, my sports kind of went to the wayside, and I kinda had no opportunities, because I wasn't able to participate in those things at least here because I was on probation, and I was involved with that. And so, at that's why I said at 15, I was kicked out of every school district. And, but I had individuals that were in my life that came and spoke prophetic words over me, that came spoke words of purpose and and destiny. And they would come like, when we go to different cities, they would lay hands on me, and they would tell me, you know, you're a leader.
Speaker 3:God has a calling on your life, and you're gonna, you know, break chains of bondage, and you're gonna lead people set people free. And so at 15, I realized that the individuals who I was hanging with, my friends, they really weren't for me, and Christ was the one who was for me. And in that moment, I made a decision to follow Jesus. And ever since then, I've wanted to, kinda expose that story because I felt like my own story was not really like it it people people misjudged me, whether it be in the church, whether it be in schools, whether it be in my own family. And so because of that ADHD, because of that trauma, I wasn't really able to communicate what was going on in my life.
Speaker 3:And so that, helps me to be able to understand the kids that we work with and, you know, and be able to create strategies. I feel like the curriculums that we create are based upon, my own story. And so just kind of working backwards or reverse engineering, what were the things that Dominic did not have in his life And then creating that strategy behind that. And so, it there there's
Speaker 2:a lot to my story, but, basically, that's that's kinda my background, and that's my motivation, for doing this work. And so so if you could go back and you could meet little Dominic, age 12, what are some things that you would say to him, and what are some things that you would do to him?
Speaker 3:If I could go back, I would man, that's a good question. I mean, I would come in and intervene. I would come in and intervene. Like, I would come in and become become a consistent presence in my life because that was really what I was missing was a consistent presence in my life of an individual who was motivating me, of an individual who was incentivizing me to do well. And so I think that's a big part of UrbanStory strategy as well.
Speaker 3:It's like, I wasn't receiving incentive, and that's like a big like, so when I would go to school, when I would do well in sports, when I would do well in, you know, reading, math, I wasn't being incentivized because of my behavior problems. And so that led to me saying, you know what? I I go home. I go to the neighborhood. I go to school.
Speaker 3:I go to church, and it doesn't matter what I do. It's it's not gonna pay off. And I began to learn that even just being a kid with being raised without a father was that you get your hopes up and you get let down. And so even just in my position is being able to say, show up. Right?
Speaker 3:So, like, my unique experience is, like, my father would tell me, hey. I'm gonna show up, and then I'd be waiting and waiting and waiting. I wouldn't see him for two years. You know what I'm saying? And so when my grandfather passed away, that was kind of like, a turning point in my life because that was the only consistent, especially male figure.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And so if I was talking to Dominic and and I was his mentor, I would show up. And that's that's I think that kinda sums it up. It's like a lot of mentorship is about consistently showing up. And that's like, if you don't have that part, then, you you you're that's really the big the big part of mentorship and getting the buy in.
Speaker 3:Because a lot of, like, the kids listening has to do with the buy in that you actually care for them. Because they're used to to individuals not caring about them, getting a paycheck to hang out with them, whether it be at school. And so, you know, that's why, like, things like certificates. Like, I remember a moment in my life when I was in in school. I would get all these awards, four point o, three point o.
Speaker 3:I would excel in sports. But because of my behavior, I was never rewarded in the assembly. And so all my friends would go up and get their citizenship awards, and I'd be the only one in the whole entire school sitting down getting nothing. And so, again, coming into a kid's life, giving him an an In N Out Burger, going to his house, talking with him, you know, even, like, giving him a certificate, you know, acknowledging him in front of his peers. These are all things that I would do, that I think would make a huge influence, that would make a huge impact in my life.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Man, like, I think that's so so important, Dominic. I mean, like, I say 90% of mentorings has shown up. And, man Yeah. We whenever you take a look at Jesus and how he treated other people, right, it's like, man, he he didn't try to fix anyone.
Speaker 2:He Yeah. He didn't come in and point out their bad behavior and say, hey. You need to do this, this, this, this, this, this. Like, I think more than anything, Jesus just showed up and just loved them and accepted them and made them feel like they were a part of something, made them feel like they were loved, make them feel like they were valued, like they were cared for. I mean, that is what our kids are so often missing, and that is the great opportunity that we have as mentors is to create that for them.
Speaker 2:You know, like, there's a tons tons of kids that I've spent time with, and you walk into their house. And on the wall in their living room are all these certificates. And I'm sitting here, like, these are, like how come this this guy has his certificate from second grade, you know, that that Yeah. Well, it's because it's one of the only times in his life that someone has pointed out something good and that someone has shined that spotlight on him. Right?
Speaker 2:One of my favorite sayings is mentors get to hold the spotlight. Right? It ain't our job to receive the spotlight. No. No.
Speaker 2:We hold the spotlight and showcase what the Lord is doing in the lives of our mentees. And so, man, what a great example. What a great opportunity we have. If you see something good that your mentee's doing, don't hold that inside, but share that with them because it it might be the first time that someone's ever said that to them. So Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's true. Alright. I mean, so, like, tell me some more. So you talk a lot about managing conflict. Right?
Speaker 2:And, like, we've all got that kid who we've spent time with, who who's a part of our program. And, man, they're picking fights, and they're agitating people. Instead of dismissing that kid, instead of tossing him in the corner or calling his mom or sending him out Mhmm. What are some ways that we as mentors can engage him in the conflict? Right.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, like, we there's an elaborate system we have, because you don't want the neighborhood to come into the space of learning. So, like, for us, we have, like, you know, 20 to 30 kids who are all you know, they're all in secondary schools because we're going into these projects, and we have kids that are in continuation schools. And so they have, like, really bad behaviors, and we're having to manage all these behaviors in one space. And that can be tough, to do.
Speaker 3:Like, you know, I can't even tell you the stories of where it's went wrong. I mean, one one story that I had was, we had a brawl with 70 kids because we're bringing them all from different neighborhoods, and they all had conflicts with one another because they were from different neighborhoods. And, the church members, there was no infrastructure. So I think managing the behavior has if you wanna be able to mentor well, part of that has to do with especially with large groups, the infrastructure. Now if you're talking one on one mentorship, it has everything to do with the relationship.
Speaker 3:So, like, at Youth for Christ, they talk about a relational ministry action of building times. So if you wanna mentor someone, they have to buy into you. So that that's talking about the home visits. That's talking about going out to McDonald's without trying to teach them something. So that that's the the onboarding with one on one.
Speaker 3:Now with group mentorship where you're discipling a group of people, the infrastructure plays in. So that's behavior contracts, like, making sure that you engage parents. I think one of the big things that, especially urban youth mentorship, people can be intimidated by the parents, and they can kinda, like, shy away from engaging those parents, or they have low expectations for the parents. And I think when you're mentoring a youth, there also has to be a dual mentorship with the adult that's in their life as well. And so, that's a part of it.
Speaker 3:So, like, when we onboard the people into our first level of discipleship, we do an orientation process. We go into their home. We talk to them about the program. We talk to the parent about the program. We pray over the parent, pray over their home.
Speaker 3:And so we really establish that authority structure that, hey. It's not just Dom that's telling you, hey. We need to do x, y, and z, but it's also your parent, and it's also empowering the parent. So the discipleship and the mentorship doesn't just end at when he hangs he or she hangs out with Dom. See what I'm saying?
Speaker 3:There's an extension of that when they go home. And so that's key, keeping that that communication and then establishing clear rules. Like, that's that's a big one as well. It's like every single week, we're doing this. You know?
Speaker 3:The these are the expectations because one of the things you'll see when you get a bunch of kids in is they always forget the expectations. But when you set them each time and you incentivize them right? So, like, candy, gift cards, $5 gift cards, incentivizing those expectations so they remember them. Because I think a lot of times we're we can start, like, coming at kids when really it's just the chaos of the room that they're in that they're not remembering the rules. So just because you say it once doesn't mean they're gonna remember it.
Speaker 3:Because when they're all together, right, and they're coming from an environment where somebody died or last night, there was 70 shots rang out in their neighborhood and they're coming to an environment, you have to set the environment each week so they know what to expect. Because everything in their life is all over the place. So if you don't set the traditions of what you want your group to be, then they're gonna take control of that group if they feel like there's no control from the adults. So back to what you said, how do you handle an individual kid? It has to do with the teamwork of the mentors that are together and the infrastructure you've created, the expectations you've created.
Speaker 3:And that's a lot of work because, like, for us, we're going in and out of hotels. Like, in our program, every five months, we have kids losing their houses, going in and out of hotels, going in and out of shelters. And so, like, for us, it's like real missions work. So I'm not saying that that type of infrastructure is an easy thing. It's a it's a hard thing.
Speaker 3:It's something where you have to count the cost. We're gonna go the extra mile. We're gonna go, you know, sit in the shelter and do the orientation with the parent who's might be drunk, whatever's going on. Right? And do that.
Speaker 3:And so that's a big part of it. Now the second part about what happens when a conflict when you do all the infrastructure and then the conflict breaks out. So a big part of that is separating the student from their audience. So separating the student from their audience. So as long as the student, if they're acting out and they're in front of their peers and their peers are egging them on, like, in a youth group environment or 10 to 20 group, you know, you youth mentorship, you have to immediately remove that person from from the group.
Speaker 3:And, you have to be in teamwork with your leaders to be able to take over, and that's where every leader needs to understand urban classroom management. Like, for example, okay. Fingers up to the sky. Alright. What does this mean?
Speaker 3:What does fingers up to the sky mean? And you have your candy bag there, and you're rewarding them. Because, really, your your mentorship is like you're you're raising them up. And a lot of times, they don't have that because when you're when we're just picking them up straight from the neighborhood, they're running wild everywhere. See what I'm saying?
Speaker 3:And we're having to train them to be able to be leaders, to know what it means to exist within an organized environment. So removing the audience, separating the kid, and being able to ask good questions. That's that's the key, not becoming angry with the kid. That's why you have to do the home visits. You have to know the kid.
Speaker 3:You have to identify with the kid. You have to find, common ground with the per the kid that you're mentoring. And so from there, it's just it's reinforcing your intentions as well. So, like, when you're actually in the conflict and you're trying to deescalate it, it's, hey. You know, buddy, I'm here because I care about you.
Speaker 3:Hey. Here's a little bit about my story. Right? This is why I'm not willing to see you continue to continue this dysfunctional behavior because this is where this dysfunctional behavior is gonna leave you. And I care about you too much to to allow you to continue to do this.
Speaker 3:So it's not feeling bad for a kid and saying, oh, man. What's your story? Oh, poor you, man. You're never gonna be able to do it. Right?
Speaker 3:It's combining the compassion with saying, okay. This is what we're gonna do next, and this is why we're doing it, and this is what I'm doing with you. So it's more of a coaching relationship. I think a lot of mentorship is coaching. If you imagine, like, a football coach or basketball coach, it's like and I don't think that sometimes people look at it that way.
Speaker 3:But if they look at it more that way, it's like, hey. This is what it's acknowledging what they did wrong and saying, hey. This is the intention of why I'm pointing it out. So I don't I don't know if there's a lot to to teach on on that, like, how to deal with the conflict when it's happening, you know, how to deal with fights when fights break out. That that's a big one as well.
Speaker 3:A lot of it has to do with with having your other leaders. They have to be activated, and you have to you have to know what you're walking into. Like, big mistake I made was like, okay. We're doing campus life. We need a hundred people in the room.
Speaker 3:Right? You for Christ. But when I was when I had dude mentorship, it's like, it's better that we take them in phases and teach them how to have a strong organization. This you know, it doesn't matter how good of a mentor you are. If you don't have strong organization to what you're trying to do, it it will fall you won't get to the mentorship
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Which is like the one on one with the kid.
Speaker 2:Man, I was a teacher for, like, a decade at kind of a kind of a tougher school up in Dallas, And I would always say, like, I would always say a couple of things. One, the kid doesn't care what you know till they know that you care. Yeah. Two, you can be the best teacher in the entire world, but if you can't control your classroom, it's all for not because they ain't gonna ask you a thing you say. But, man, like, you know, oftentimes kids would come in and there'd be a fight and, you know, and, hey, bro, gotta go out in the hall, you know?
Speaker 2:And like a couple of things that I found when you're removing them from the situation, You know? I absolutely love what you said about being a coach. Are are you acting as a coach, or are you acting as a warden? You know? Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so you send them outside, and you can very easily go outside and be like, what are you doing? Don't you know? Right? And that never goes well because then it is you versus them, and they've got their guard up, and they're fighting. But if you can come in curious and you come in and you've gotta know your facial expressions and you dude, what?
Speaker 2:What happened in there, man? Like, oh my gosh. Like, I am so worried about you. Like, why don't why don't you tell me about what happened? Oh, well, that that that that that you know?
Speaker 2:And they're going off, and and you are mature enough because you're the adult to absorb his emotion. So they can go off, and this isn't time to teach. This isn't time to correct. It's time to listen. And let them get that off their chest.
Speaker 2:And then you can, oh, man. I am so sorry. Like, why don't we talk about that? Why don't you tell me what what you could've done instead of this, that, that, and so but, man, like, it is it is so important that you get to calm them down. You get to bring peace to the chaos.
Speaker 2:But kinda like what you said earlier, you can't do any of those things if you're not filled with peace yourself. If, you know, you don't have compassion, if you don't have patience, if you don't have joy, like, that's why it's so important for us to be filled up. That's why it's so important for us to have our own relationship with Christ because we can't give what, you know, you can't give what you don't have. So, but yeah, man. So thanks a lot for sharing all of that stuff for sure.
Speaker 2:Alright. Dominic, man, I got one more question for you today. If someone was coming to you and they were saying, hey, Dom, man. I heard that you mentor. I've been thinking about doing it.
Speaker 2:What's what are the most important things that I need to know if I'm gonna start mentoring a kid? Tell me how you'd answer that.
Speaker 3:So for an individual who wants to who wants to mentor, the first thing that you do is, like, what I talked about, come and and see the story, like, understand what's going on in the community. So that's the first thing, getting a strong grasp on that. And I think even part of that is is gained through being a part of a team. Right? So, like, a team of mentors.
Speaker 3:Because, like, when we're eating lunch or we're in between doing ministry or doing mentorship, we have conversations. Right? And a lot of, like, stuff was like, hey. This is going on in the neighborhood, or this is what happened to this kid, or, you know, or this is what's happened, or sharing stories. That kinda gives them like, oh, okay.
Speaker 3:This is what's going on in the community. So that's the first thing. And then the second thing would be specific trainings. So, like, understanding the behaviors, so where they come from. So, like, trauma training, ADHD, training, like, how those behaviors manifest in the classroom, and then giving tangible strategies on how to how to remedy those things.
Speaker 3:But in terms of, like, somebody wanting to mentor, the first thing is they gotta have the compassion. They gotta have the heart to do it. And I truly believe that is, like especially for the context. Everyone's called the disciple. Right?
Speaker 3:Because the Bible says make disciples of all nations. But in my context, the you're dealing with, like, people are passing away and stuff like that. Like, you know, people are there's there's violence going on in the community, and so it's just really counting the cost. It's like, hey. When I'm joining in with this, you know, I'm I'm dealing with some kids that are really coming from some serious stuff.
Speaker 3:Like, they're in and out of shelters. You know, it's like and really being committed. And that that's key. So I don't know if that answers the question, but the first thing is, like, understand what's going on in the community. First is through going to the community.
Speaker 3:If you can't go to the community, then, you know, then you're only gonna get so far
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:In in your effectiveness. So
Speaker 2:It's awesome, Dom. Man, well, thank you so much for hopping on the pod today. Tell me, how people can find out more about you and about Urban Story.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So they can go to our website at urbanstoryministries.com, or they can go to our Instagram, Facebook at Urban Story Ministries. And then they can my email is dominic@urbanstoryministries.com, and they can, reach out.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's awesome. That's, d0minick@urbanstoriesministry.com. So, Donnie, man, thanks again for your wisdom. Thanks thanks again for sharing your story and for, just taking time to help us become, mentors who look more like Jesus today, man.
Speaker 2:Really grateful for you.
Speaker 3:So Amen. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:Of course. Yeah. So thanks so much for tuning in. If you picked up something from this podcast, please be sure to share it with a friend. And remember, you can mentor.
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