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Explore your curiosity - Interesting people with fascinating stories.
Life consists of three things:
-The stories we tell others
-The stories others tell us
-The stories we tell ourselves.
Paloma, welcome aboard to the show! So happy to have you with us today! Thank you Ari, I'm glad to be here! So I'm gonna take you back a hell of a lot of years. You decided to do something that I'm gonna assume many of your friends did not.
Speaker 1:What was that crazy thing in your youth and why did you decide to
Speaker 2:do it? Oh, one of the crazy things I decided to do in my youth, I decided to go to a military school. I went to the Naval Academy Preparatory School for a year in Rhode Island. And I did that because I was afraid to go to real college. Not real college.
Speaker 2:I was afraid to go to regular college because I thought I would just get drunk and do drugs and get in trouble.
Speaker 1:I I say you were afraid of having a good time basically. That's the story here.
Speaker 2:I wasn't allowed to go out past 09:00 at night in high school. My dad was very strict and he was in the military. And so I was just really afraid of disappointing him. So I was like, the safest bet is to go to this military school.
Speaker 1:So that's what
Speaker 2:I did. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Have a, you've met, you did, well, the audience don't know this because this is a different segment, but you just met my daughter. I don't think there's a fiber in her body that is just afraid of anything, especially not to disappoint me. So, so yeah, I need to talk with your dad and get
Speaker 2:some tips. So,
Speaker 1:so you go to military school. What what was that experience like? Is it just like any other old school or?
Speaker 2:Well, first of all, I was brought up in Texas and so this school is in Newport, Rhode Island and I, well, first of all, like you go through this whole summer of, it's not hazing, but it's like older students that come from the academies and just make your life hell. Like think about waking up in the morning and they've like thrown a trash can down the hall and they're screaming and yell like you wake up like a vampire, like when the sun comes out or something. And it's constantly like being on guard, hyper vigilant. One time they took all of Some people left their locks unlocked on their locker and they told everybody to bring their locks to the hall. And then they locked all of our locks together into this huge ball and threw it down the hall.
Speaker 2:And then, yeah, just a lot of psychological crap, you know? It was also where I saw like a lot of snow for the first time. And so that was like, you know, like on Edward Scissorhands where she sees the snow come down and she's like, oh, you know, like, it's like this beautiful, I was the only one like that because everybody else knew we were gonna have to shovel it. And it was like, but it won't be hard. It's fluffy.
Speaker 2:Well,
Speaker 1:in Colorado, that's true.
Speaker 2:Wasn't fluffy. It was
Speaker 1:really heavy
Speaker 2:and then it got muddy and it was horrible.
Speaker 1:What's your best memory and worst memory from that time?
Speaker 2:My best memory was my roommate. My roommate, Emily was my best friend and they had like a really high attrition rate. Their attrition rate was like 80%. And they had one point where they're like, look to your right and look to your left. Most likely, if you're still here, the people that are next to you won't be.
Speaker 2:And I remember we looked at each other and I said, if I'm still here, you're still gonna be here. And she said, you too. And we did. Like, she we were dogs. Like, we looked out for each other.
Speaker 2:It was, like, instant best friend. Like, they made us instant best friends because we had to be. Worst thing the worst thing was a funny thing. I mean, worst thing. Like, didn't I don't really like to see people get humiliated.
Speaker 2:Right? And so we were about to go out for the very first time on pass and the gunnery sergeant, because they had a gunnery sergeant there with us, even though was in Navy school, somebody farted while we were sitting there. And he was so insulted and he was like, You better hover that shit. And this guy had to like suck in the odor of his own toot. Oh my And you better not laugh, right?
Speaker 2:So it was How can you not laugh? It was, but you're sitting there and you cannot laugh when you're there, you know, because then you're gonna help him hoover. I wasn't gonna risk that. So it wasn't.
Speaker 1:Americans are hardcore. Oh, So I was in boot camp. We gave our officers shit, and they're all like doing their distance thing right. So they're not your friend. They're not smiling at you.
Speaker 1:They're shouting at you all the time. And of course, there's the when they break distance, which is, towards the end. Yeah. But until that stage, like you are, you know, a rat and they are, you know, human beings. Right.
Speaker 1:But we, we do like, look, for us, it's everybody serves, right? Oh. So in that case, you know, we know what we're walking into, we know what this is gonna be like, and, you know, we get prepared. And, you know, so these fuckers are just a year older than us, right? What are the officers, right?
Speaker 1:The officers are a year older. Yes. Right? They're not, they're not, in their thirties or something. These are not adults.
Speaker 1:These are And I went to like a technical school. Yeah. So some of them were younger than me. Oh. This 18 year old girl is treating me like I'm some kind of, so, you know, okay, I smile and my back is killing me, but fine, whatever, we'll get through this because you're just standing and doing their shit for hours and hours and hours and hours and you just wanna die.
Speaker 1:And then they put you in a class to teach you shit for hours and there's no air conditioning.
Speaker 2:And don't fall asleep.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So hot. But there's no air conditioning. So you're so And you get tired. And then somebody's shouting at you and some of you are doing pushups.
Speaker 1:So yeah.
Speaker 2:Think that's universal.
Speaker 1:It definitely is.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it's fine. I'm like, if you're feeling tired, stand up. Yes.
Speaker 2:Oh, we had to do yes. Stand up and do pushups. Get some find some real estate and do some push ups. Would you have still gone had you not had to?
Speaker 1:For us, there's no option. Right? In Israel. Oh, lord. I I don't know.
Speaker 1:In retrospect, I wanna say yes. But as a dumbass 18 year old, I don't know what I was such an idiot. I was stupid and arrogant and I wasn't a very good person. Like, I don't know. I can't tell you what I would have done.
Speaker 1:Yeah. But in retrospect, when my sister-in-law, she got very sick and she was basically exempt. And I said, you should volunteer and you should go. Because as a volunteer, you'll, you know, they'll accommodate you. They might let you go anyway as a volunteer, but they might and they might accommodate you and you got to do this.
Speaker 1:She decided not to and you know, it's fine, but yeah, I told her you need to go.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But whatever. Anyway, too much I'm talking way too much. So so I thought this was a conversation. Yeah, no, that's fair. That's fair.
Speaker 1:So okay, so you're finishing you're finishing the program. And did you have a choice at that stage? Like what am I gonna do next?
Speaker 2:The choice was to go to the actual So I went to that school because it was just one point off from going straight to the academy. And I so from, like, my sophomore year, which is, like, year 10 until 12, I had my heart set on going to the Air Force Academy. Right? And I was and to go are you familiar with the service academies in The US? No.
Speaker 2:I see.
Speaker 1:I it just threw the little that I hear.
Speaker 2:So so you have to get nominated to go by con by a congressman, by The United States congressman. That's It's it's prestigious and it's free. Right? And they pay you a stipend, but then you get automatically commissioned as an officer once it's over, but it's four years and you get a degree, right? So, it was, it's one of those things where you have to prep for that.
Speaker 2:You don't just end up going to one of those schools. Like you start your high school career saying this is what I want usually. And so you got to keep your GPA up. You got to have volunteer hours. You've got to have, you know, job histories.
Speaker 2:You've got to have extracurricular sports, good grades, no disciplinary, like, you have to be perfect.
Speaker 1:And
Speaker 2:I was playing sports and I had been doing power lifting and I tore my ACL. And so
Speaker 1:It's rough recovery.
Speaker 2:I had to get a waiver. And during the process, you have to go through a full physical. And they found that I had like this weird heartbeat, like a bundle block, branch block or something. And so that made me have to get a second waiver. So Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:I wait my whole life for this little interview thing and not my whole life, my whole high school life. Right? But it feels like that at that age, feels like that because you're in high school and high school takes forever. And my dad's in the lobby. I'm excited.
Speaker 2:I don't I don't know that anything's about to come crashing down. And so it's go time. I've practiced in the mirror. I'm ready to go. I'm confident.
Speaker 2:I've got this, I've got this, I've got this. And I sit down and there's this panel and they're all staffers. They're not the congressmen. It's just their staff. And they're like, Nice hall, Alaniz.
Speaker 2:And they have my folder open. And they're like, We see here you have an ACL reconstruction. I said, Yes, but it's fully healed. I'm great. They're like, Well, it still requires a waiver.
Speaker 2:We also see here you have an irregular heartbeat, and that also requires a waiver. Unfortunately, the Air Force Academy doesn't take double waivers. We just take one. Thank you very much for your time. I didn't even get to answer one question.
Speaker 2:I didn't I it was like sucker punch. It was just like everything you've been dreaming of has just been like yoinked out, like just it's gone. And I'm walking I'm in shock, walking back to the lobby to tell my dad. And I'm just like, do I do now? And suddenly this man comes running out of the room And he says, Paloma, wait.
Speaker 2:Wait. Wait. You've probably never heard of my school, but I'll take you with two waivers. And he was from the Merchant Marine Academy. And so I was like, I gotta go back with something.
Speaker 2:I gotta go back with something. He's like, do you wanna learn about it? I said, whatever it is, I'll take it. Just take me. Just take me.
Speaker 2:So he's like, well, your math score was one point too low. One point. So you have to go to Long Island. You have to go to Newport, Rhode Island for a year to go to this school. So when I finished that one year school for that one point, which I passed the flying colors, I went to go start my school.
Speaker 2:Well, I get there and they take us on like our very first ride in the ocean. And we're in this, it's not like a big ship, it's actually kind of small, we're going through the channel. And this is my first time in the ocean in a vessel because again, I'm like from Texas. I just about turned inside out. Like I was over the side of the ship and it was nonstop vomiting, vertigo, and just overall, just worst time of my life, like debilitating.
Speaker 2:And I realized I can't fucking do this. I can't do this. Like I can't. And so I joined the army. I never wanna go.
Speaker 2:I've never been on a cruise. So yeah, that was a year. So basically all my high school career and then a full year of my life. And then that was the year 2000 through 2001. I went home from that school and nineeleven happened.
Speaker 2:And I had been thinking of being a flight attendant. And then I was like, Oh, hell no, I'm not going to be a flight attendant. I'm going join the army. And I went to enlist. It was just like
Speaker 1:Describe where you were, what you were doing, and what you were thinking the second you found out about 09:11.
Speaker 2:I was in the break room. I was working at Pier one Imports. It was like this random job I found working at a store. It was like one of my first adult jobs. And the TV was on mute.
Speaker 2:And so I didn't really realize what big of a deal it was. It just a click an accident. And then the second time I wasn't in the break room, I was on the Sales Floor and the people in the store were all talking about it. And I realized this is bad. It's really bad.
Speaker 2:And, I think my dad called me to check on me and, my brother was active duty in the army at the time. So he immediately got deployed. But what I was thinking was, well, this is it. Like, I to go do something because I'm not doing anything with my life right now. Like, spent all that time to be awesome and I didn't get to serve in the way I wanted to serve, but I need to serve in the way I can.
Speaker 2:So I went to a recruiter's office and they were all I was gonna go join the air force and they were closed. And the only office that was open was this, like, army guy. This, like, salty old army guy. And I was just like, oh, well, he's trying to, like
Speaker 1:guess you'll have to do.
Speaker 2:He was trying to sell me the benefits of it and I was like, I don't care. Just let me sign. Like, I'm going. And I just I just signed up.
Speaker 1:Did he did he have any record of yours? Did he see what you had done until that far? He had no idea.
Speaker 2:No. And I didn't ever bring it up. It was an embarrassment to me. It was a failure to me. It was like it was it was bad.
Speaker 2:Like, when I when I there were other things that happened that I really wouldn't like to talk about that happened there that like, there weren't a lot of people that looked like me there. So I wasn't super welcome either. So, it was bad. And so when I did decide this isn't for me, like, isn't for me, it's gonna get worse. So, the commandant I had to go see the commandant, and he called my father and said, I'm calling you today to tell you your daughter's decided to be a quitter.
Speaker 2:Would you like to speak to her? And so he hands me the phone. And my dad who knows me knows I am not a quitter. If I will go and I will do anything, right? So he knows something's wrong.
Speaker 2:And so I get the phone and I'm sitting across from this guy and he's like, do you want to come home? I said, yes. He said, give him the phone back. So he gives he give him the phone. He's like, should you talk to some sister to her?
Speaker 2:He's like, send my daughter home right now. Get a plane ticket. Send her home now. Not another minute. And so when you leave that school and you have your back, everybody that's outside turns their back on you as you have to like walk away.
Speaker 2:Like it's a thing, It's a thing. Like it was one of the So I went to the army and I was like top cadet. Was like top, top private. Like I got promoted in basic. Like I was an achiever.
Speaker 2:I always was an achiever. That was one of the biggest like heartbreaks of my life to be treated like a failure. Yeah.
Speaker 1:The systems don't always work for everyone. It's a machine and it's a manufacturing line and they've been doing those systems and processes for many, many, many, many years. And when they break, there's really no incentive to fix them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, you know, it's, it's it's painful to to hear that this aspect of your story. But Yeah. I mean, I I understand also the why and the what, and we can we can debate military educational practices. Yeah.
Speaker 1:But the truth of the matter is that I use not all of them, but some of them with my children. And, it's super fucking weird. But I will tell you, my children are the most resilient, you know, thirteen eleven and six year old that you have ever seen. Because it works. So when I start, you know, drill sergeant ing them,
Speaker 2:Do you give the hand? They
Speaker 1:smile because they know what's happening and they get in line and they'll do the fucking pushups. Oh. And, oh yeah. Oh yeah. So the six year old was giving me shit.
Speaker 1:He was kicked out of two schools. Yeah. And I was like, okay, your military academy is about to start. I kept him home for a week. He did, yep.
Speaker 1:He was about to be kicked out of his second school. Right? Oh. I mean, he was six. Right?
Speaker 1:So I'm like, okay. It's time for your military education to start. Right. So so okay. He was doing eight hours of math a day.
Speaker 1:And anytime where he wasn't doing what I told him in math, dropped and gave me 10 pushups at age six.
Speaker 2:Wow. He
Speaker 1:and when he started crying, then we had a heart to heart, right?
Speaker 2:Don't get those. No, no, no, no, We
Speaker 1:had a heart to heart and I'm like, okay. And then this is where the Polish genes come out or the Lithuanian genes. And he's a six year old. So what do say to a six year old? And so you explain, look, your behavior at school is making mommy and daddy sad.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So I pulled out the full Soviet Union Lithuanian guilt trip, right? If you're Catholic, I guess it's, you know, we ripped off the Catholics. My mother-in-law is actually Catholic.
Speaker 2:I was Catholic.
Speaker 1:So we pulled out the full blown guilt You're us sad. And how are we gonna fix this problem? Give me 10. So he did that for a week, a whole fucking week. Poor baby.
Speaker 2:Well, I bet he didn't get kicked out of school after that.
Speaker 1:He did not. He came close to it and then I was like, and then he stayed home for two days, did it again. Oh. And then he straightened out. Oh.
Speaker 1:And the teacher is like, I don't know what you did. He was an angel today. Well, you did a lot of math. I'll tell you that. And there were some push ups involved as well.
Speaker 1:So, look, I you know, it's a shit system, but it kinda works.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. No. I didn't have any problem with the the push ups and the and and the rough treatment. No.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:It was like it was basically the guy was like, you don't belong here. You're only here for one reason, and you know what it is. Not knowing how hard I had worked, I earned inappropriate. I earned it. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's what
Speaker 1:it inappropriate.
Speaker 2:He's like, I I'm I'm gonna make sure you get you get out of here. So you know? Because I was good at pretty much everything. I wasn't a bad soldier. I was a good soldier.
Speaker 2:It was actually the first thing someone told me I was good at. You're a good troop. You're a good soldier.
Speaker 1:Know what the you know what the biggest compliment I got in my life? This guy is the son of a general. Oh. Like a his like a famous general. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And and he says to me, Ari, I would go to war with you. Yeah. That was the biggest compliment I ever got. Okay.
Speaker 2:So That's amazing.
Speaker 1:You're in the army now.
Speaker 2:Not anymore. Oh, after that?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I went to, so I joined this unit, a civil affairs unit and it's, I'm a reservist, right? So I get back from basic and I'm like, what do do now? Because you go through your basic training and your, you know, whatever training. Oh, which that was also crazy. I was supposed to be a medic.
Speaker 2:Right? I signed up for medic. My scores were good enough. I had these scores. I could do anything I wanted in the army.
Speaker 2:And I show up the day to leave to get shipped off. And they're like, oh, you've had a knee surgery. And I'm like, like, you can't you have to have, like, perfect legs to do the lifting of the gurneys and everything. And they're like, yeah. We only have one thing open and it's admin.
Speaker 2:And I by this time, I have no apartment. I've given it up. Like, I'm homeless. I don't I mean, just send me to whatever. Just send me whatever.
Speaker 2:So this is like my whole life has always been like, just to just do whatever. Like, I like like, I I think you wanna let's just go. Let's go.
Speaker 1:So go. Let's
Speaker 2:I go, I have a good time. I get home, I live with some friends and it's time to get a job again in between like drill. So I decided to go work at a jail. So I become a jailer at the county jail and I'm doing that and it's time for deployment. Like the time for our unit to come, to go came up and I volunteered.
Speaker 2:I mean, I broke my mother's heart. I volunteered And before I knew it, was on this plane to Afghanistan. Well, to Germany and then from Germany to Afghanistan. So that was 2003, early, twenty two years ago.
Speaker 1:It's crazy. Yeah. What's the worst and best that you remember of Afghanistan?
Speaker 2:They loved Mexicans in Afghanistan. I felt more loved there than I do here.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure that's a good thing.
Speaker 2:It's the truth because they would watch satellite TV and the Mexican shows have you watched Mexican TV?
Speaker 1:Telenovela. Oh,
Speaker 2:the novella is there like juicy. The news reporters wear these short dresses and the desk is glass. And you see just sexy legs through the newscast. There'll be little people dancing and, you know, like there's always something crazy going on bikinis and it's just fun. They'd be like, Oh, you, Amrika?
Speaker 2:Nay, you And I'd be like, No, Mexique. Mexique number one. Number one Mexique. They loved Mexique. They just like so impressed that I was a Mexican.
Speaker 2:So like, I love being Mexican there. The hard part was, I mean, now, Now, like, that it, you know, that it feels like it was kind of for nothing. That it felt like that I have friends that aren't here anymore, and it's back to how it was. And then I wonder, like, did we all go through all of that for a reason other than what we thought? Like, it just I I tried to think about it too much because it's just it's just a part of who I am now.
Speaker 2:Like, it's just it's shaped me. I would not be the same person right now had I not gone in different ways.
Speaker 1:You know, they don't enlist 40 year olds into the army or wherever military for a good reason. They need us dumb, stupid and naive and full of we call it poison in
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, we had a lot of telenovelas back home because, and you know, my, my, one of my best friends, she was speaking Spanish fluently just because she was watching the telenovelas.
Speaker 2:They're so
Speaker 1:good. She like every day she would watch it for hours, like in the background and she was fluent in Spanish and we have a lot of Argentinians, right? Yeah, A lot of Argentinians came to And so, you know, she was just, you know, in one with the Latin American crowd speaking Spanish and they're like, How do you speak Spanish? Like, Well, I'm Russian, but I
Speaker 2:And she's saying all these dramatic things.
Speaker 1:Was she was
Speaker 2:a little She knows how to tell somebody they're
Speaker 1:a cheater or you know, like Like, you did what with who? Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, yeah. Yeah. That sounds that's amazing. I, you know, That's like the story of a lot of people who go, okay, so there's no like coming to America story for me because like I'm Texan, like Texan, Texan. Like my family's been in Texas since it was like Mexico, but I have lots of friends who have come from Mexico and they learned through American TV and through movies, like even before they came or even, or since they've been here through TV and movies, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Have a funny story about TV and movies.
Speaker 1:Go ahead, go for it.
Speaker 2:So you brought up kids. I have three kids. What ages? 20, 16 and 11. 11.
Speaker 2:So my oldest, Sebastian, he was were like, you know, when you first kid where you're real careful and you, you know, you like really are trying to be a good parent and you don't watch any rated R movies in front of them. You don't cuss in front of them.
Speaker 1:This is true.
Speaker 2:You're watching the pacifier when it falls. Like things like that. Know. Three times. Yes.
Speaker 2:Three times. They sanitize it all. Okay.
Speaker 1:We had a special sanitize rack with water. It went in the microwave.
Speaker 2:Yes. You have the wiping warmer. You have like okay. Yes. So I'm tucking him in one night.
Speaker 2:He's five. And he's like, mommy, grab my bear so I can make love to it. And I said, what? And he's like, I wanna make love to the bear. I said, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2:Why did you see this? What happened? And so, like, PG 13 movies, which we had seen one, like, you never see the actual act. And he's like, well, isn't that where you lay under the covers and just hug? They always show, like, the afterwards, you know, of people, like, hugging under the covers.
Speaker 1:And this is why we have TV ratings.
Speaker 2:He wanted to make love to his teddy bear. He went to lay under the covers of his teddy bear and go to sleep because that's what that's all they show in that level, right? My
Speaker 1:son, he's So he uses all these words. I'm like, do you know what that means? Like, where did you hear that word?
Speaker 2:I I need an example. I need an
Speaker 1:my lord. What would he what did he say yesterday? He said, daddy, I need a predicament. What? What?
Speaker 1:Don't have one of those. He heard
Speaker 2:somebody say, I've got a predicament. And he's like, I want one too. And then I I don't have one.
Speaker 1:It's like, well, fresh out, dude. Fresh out.
Speaker 2:What the fuck? Love it. I love it. Okay. So I gotta tell you another free up okay.
Speaker 2:So my daughter, my my second, right, the second child. Is always really interesting people, the second child. So we were eating dinner one night and I made some chicken breasts. And she's like, What part of the chicken is this? She's I think she was like seven.
Speaker 2:Six? Six. And I was like, it's the breast. And she's like, no, it's not. And I said, why not?
Speaker 2:And she's like, there's no nipples. And I said, I said chickens don't chickens don't have nipples. And she's like, why not? I have nipples. Dad has nipples.
Speaker 2:Why doesn't the chicken have nipples? And then we were like, because they're not mammals. And then she's like processing, you know, she's like, I'm not a mammal. And we're like, yes, you are. She's like, I don't have a hump on my back.
Speaker 2:So she can shoot that camel. Yeah. I love kids, man. I loved my I had so much fun raising my kids. It's good times.
Speaker 1:Oh my Lord.
Speaker 2:It's good times. It took
Speaker 1:me a while to understand that the hard times are the good times. Like, it took me a while to kind of understand that. Yeah. But I think I feel like I'm lucky because they're still very young, and I kinda get that now. So anytime I'm about to scream, shout, or kick their asses, I'm like, these are the good times.
Speaker 1:These are the good times.
Speaker 2:You're gonna miss dates.
Speaker 1:These are the good times. Yeah. And they really are. Right? It's just a perspective.
Speaker 1:They really are. Like, they really, really are. And I feel so lucky that I kind of figured it out before they left. And in many ways, I feel like it's changed our relationships that I figured that out. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because it allows you not to get angry, but to get even. Gosh. Joking. So so my wife's traveling. She just got back from Germany.
Speaker 1:She's a high power, you know, thing, which I am totally supportive. It's my fault that she is that, so I don't complain about it. But she was she was well, because I because she was like, oh, I'll stay home with the kids. I'm like, look. In in twenty years, they're gonna be gone and you're gonna do what?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I'm like, you need to you need to have a career now because you need to have a you need to be your own person. You need to have a career. You need to have friends. You can't be dependent on me.
Speaker 1:And if I leave you for some reason
Speaker 2:That's I mean, that's fair. No, it's fair.
Speaker 1:Like if I, if I am a son of a bitch and I cheat on you and I leave you, you need to have a great job and you need to be able to take care of yourself. Obviously, I would never do that, but you don't know. Right? You don't know what's
Speaker 2:You'd like to think you know what you would never do.
Speaker 1:I would like to think. I'm like,
Speaker 2:you're right.
Speaker 1:No. No. I'll be good. I'll I'll be good. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I don't know what you'll do to me that will piss me off tomorrow. Like, look, we've been together for twenty years. It's going pretty well so far.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But but my point is it doesn't fucking matter. The point is that you choose to love each other every day in the morning. Uh-huh. And if you don't make that decision one day, then I don't want I I I'm gonna forever love her, but I don't know that I'll forever be her husband. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And and the day that I'm not her husband, and I hope that never happens. Yes. I hope that I never change my mind. And I have chosen to love her every day ever since. And and and I chose to love her this morning.
Speaker 1:I'll choose to love her tomorrow. Yes. Don't know about the day after. Yes. But my point is that if that ever changes, I want her to be strong, independent, powerful, and have a good job.
Speaker 1:So I was like, no. You need to do this.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So that's why I say I I pushed her because because even if I ever fall out of love with her, still want her to be okay. Anyway, She got very
Speaker 2:just got home from a trip.
Speaker 1:She just got home from a trip. Anyway. And your So I'm working full time, This is a labor of love. Working full time, they pushed me to my limits. Like really pushed me to my limits.
Speaker 1:And so so I called the two idiots down.
Speaker 2:I need AJs here. I need AD. I need AD.
Speaker 1:So okay. So the 13 year old is teaching the six year old math. He's doing two hours of math a day, two to four. Wow. Depends on how fast he does it.
Speaker 1:Wow. And he's just fucking with the 13 year old. He's just giving him hell.
Speaker 2:I wonder where he learned that. Yeah.
Speaker 1:This is you know, these fuckers are our punishment for what we did to our parents. So so it's total karmic revenge. That's totally fine. No, get it. So I'm like, I'm like, okay.
Speaker 1:So I put on Sally Goes Up, Sally Goes Down.
Speaker 2:Oh, see.
Speaker 1:Yep. I put on Sally Goes Down and I start shouting at them and we're doing squats and push ups. Sally Goes Down! And they're down and it's full volume and I'm screaming and they're those fuckers are smiling And I'm like, this is too much resilience. They need to have a little bit of fear off Right.
Speaker 1:Like, they they don't fear me at all.
Speaker 2:At all. And I'm screaming
Speaker 1:at them and the music is playing loud and they're squatting and I'm correcting their poses until it's the pose where, and I'm doing it with them. Yeah. Until it's the pose and I am strong. Yeah. So until it's the pose that they, I'm doing
Speaker 2:it- Did
Speaker 1:they get it correct? Smiling.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. They do it correct, and I'm doing it and and I'm doing it even more aggressively than them. And I'm like, what's the problem? Because your old man can hold out more than you, they call me old man, you know, weak old man. I'm like, everything okay there?
Speaker 1:And I can see they're wobbling and shaking, and I'm screaming at them. And then they fall on their backs because they can't do it anymore. And I just keep sitting there in the in the squat, up, down, up, down. So, yeah, I gave them hell. But with their laughing, I'm screaming and smiling.
Speaker 1:And you know, it's fine. Right? Yeah. But they like really pushed me to my limit this week and happy it's over, but oh my God. So at that moment, I need to scream at my kids a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we had fun. And, you know, that night,
Speaker 2:I mean, Yeah.
Speaker 1:It did. And then they went back to the math and he knocked it out of the park. And then I took them to zigzag tap burgers. So that's my point, right? The hard parts are the fun parts as well.
Speaker 1:You just need to figure that shit out.
Speaker 2:You're right. I went through those awakening in the last, I don't know, three years. In the last three years, there was this really hard time with my middle. And she went through some hard times, you know, where they start thinking a lot of things that are hard, hard to deal with. Right?
Speaker 1:And
Speaker 2:and then I realized I've been sitting here trying to be like this, facade of of a of a perfect parent, of a perfect mother, of a perfect person. And not like saying, look, I know what it's like for this to happen or to do that or to like I had to be a human being
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:To be relatable to her so that she could talk to me.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Because I was doing a probably not very good job of trying to pretend I wasn't like this innocent nun that necessarily had three kids.
Speaker 1:What? That never happened.
Speaker 2:You did that? No. I told my my daughter's old enough to like, because we're human now. Right? So she knows I'm a fully functioning woman.
Speaker 2:You know? So Yeah. I've been divorced for nine years. So I told her, I said, listen. Make me a deal.
Speaker 2:It's her and some of my select friends.
Speaker 1:If
Speaker 2:something ever happens to me, like, really bad and I don't come home, like, I'm gone, I'm not here. Go into the closet. There's a gray bag on the shelf. Don't look inside.
Speaker 1:Burn my porn. Light
Speaker 2:it on fire.
Speaker 1:Throw it in
Speaker 2:a dumpster and don't look back. And then she says, I already looked in the gray bag. That really happened?
Speaker 1:So I had that same realization as you did. And I tell my son, and I realized that I can't hold him to unhuman standards and I can't have him think that I am inhuman because it just sets him up to failure. So it took me a moment, but I figured it out not so long ago. And I had a because shit was hitting the fan like really badly. I was like, what am I doing wrong here?
Speaker 1:And that's how raising kids is. It's every, like every month you're fucking it up in some new way. New exciting way. And just because you did it with two kids doesn't mean that you're gonna do right with a third because everyone is a new human being, so it's a fucking shit show. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And anyway, so I'm fucking it up again.
Speaker 2:And then
Speaker 1:I figure out, okay, that's the thing. And then now ever since I had the talk, right? And I won't bore you with the, okay, daddy's a human and all that. Anyway, so we have the talk and I kind of come off my high horse and he calls me an idiot ever since.
Speaker 2:In three languages. With love.
Speaker 1:I wanna believe so. I wanna believe so, but he's calling me an idiot in like three different languages.
Speaker 2:I have this rule with parenting and it's just like, when I'm about to do something, I ask myself one question. Are they going to have to go to therapy for this someday? Definitely. And if the answer is yes, I might tone it down a bit. Am I not
Speaker 1:completely I not do have the same rule, but it's not therapy. It's am I angry? Oh. There's a difference between shouting at them and being angry. Yes.
Speaker 1:And you can't be angry when you're shouting at them. You have to shout at them with a smile. As long as you're beating the shit out of them, quote unquote, with a smile, it's okay. But if you're, know, if you're And when I say beating the shit out of them, I mean the military education. I don't mean physically.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Don't know. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Physically harming them. Yeah. You know, still they're feeling pain by doing push ups. They're feeling pain, physical pain by doing squats. But, but you know, as long as you're disciplining them with a smile and with love, I think it's okay.
Speaker 1:But if you get angry and it has happened to me a few times, I'm human, I'll admit it. I always fucking regret it the next day or the next minutes or the next second. Was like, this is a fucking mistake. I need to get I need to get my emotions in check. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think that's for me, that's been key.
Speaker 2:I I've actually learned that they don't wanna disappoint me thing from my dad. So
Speaker 1:How do you do that? Like, teach me teach me Catholic guilt. Like, I wanna do that. Feels like so much more effective than what I have It's to
Speaker 2:more of like it's more of, like, I my dad, he, like, never yelled at me. Never. My dad would just he'd just be like like, he would just look so, damn. You really fucked it up this time. You fucked it up so bad.
Speaker 2:I'm not even gonna say a word to you.
Speaker 1:Why don't you just,
Speaker 2:like, just, like, sit there and just think about, like, just it's not yeah.
Speaker 1:Would that work on boys, though?
Speaker 2:I mean, it worked on my brother too, though. Right? Like, me and my brother both are just like, daddy's on a pedestal. Like, my dad but he's like a saint. I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 2:Like, this my dad I'm sorry. I'm lucky. I'm lucky. I don't know what I would have done without that guy to show me love. Like, he's the first feminist in my life that was like, you can do anything.
Speaker 2:You're amazing. You're he's just like a cheerleader. He's so because he was so positive to me all the time and so encouraging, when he would pull that back, it was devastating because it was always just positive.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So and and I would self correct.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I mean, I would did a few things, you know, but
Speaker 1:I'm not perfect. No. Nobody is.
Speaker 2:No. But but that's what it was. Right? So Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I've I've I've picked it up with my with my daughter. Like
Speaker 1:But you didn't elect for that tactic with your daughter.
Speaker 2:I didn't elect for that tactic with which daughter?
Speaker 1:With your kids. Right? You're not using that tactic.
Speaker 2:I I actually you know, it's been I've never I've the the youngest one has never been spanked ever. Not even No. Nothing. Mhmm. It is a gentler.
Speaker 2:The old one gets mad. I would think At the young ones. You know? Like Uh-huh. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, what? She gets away with everything. And I'm just like, I'm not the same person. Like That's right. Literally not the same person that raised you.
Speaker 2:I feel bad for you because I didn't know what
Speaker 1:the hell
Speaker 2:I was doing. I was 22.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I was 22 and fresh out of the army. Like, I was still in uniform when I got my discharge and I was pregnant like that. So I had married a paratrooper. His mom's in the army and his dad was a job master instructor. So he had a straight, like I didn't handle the discipline.
Speaker 2:I didn't handle just what his dad did.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I was the gentle one. Yeah. So that's the difference. You're the dad.
Speaker 2:It's hard because you're always dad's always expected to be the disciplinarians. Right? Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Shit, this is a tough one. Here's the problem, right? With my wife, we had to align and sync that it's okay that I take the disciplinary kind of persona, but I need you to back me up. I'm okay to be the bad cop, but I need you to back me up because if you don't back me up, they're going to manipulate us against each other. And that's bad.
Speaker 1:So I need you to support me in the process and I will support you in the process. And if we need to kind of get our story straight before we, you know, we play good cup, bad cup, that's okay. Yeah. We should do that. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know, problem is if you don't play good cop, bad cop and you don't get your story straight before doing it, but if you pay bad cop and then defense attorney.
Speaker 2:Right? Yeah. That's the because
Speaker 1:that's that's how that's how relationships go sour.
Speaker 2:I object. Yes.
Speaker 1:I I get it. It's like, oh, no. She you know, your daughter like, no. You're my fucking wife. Not not her defense attorney.
Speaker 2:Right. Right. Right.
Speaker 1:So so we had to get our shit together, that took some work.
Speaker 2:It's almost like you need a safe word. Like, if you're taking it too far. Yeah. Like because look.
Speaker 1:I I I lost my shit, and I Yeah. Look. I had to learn how to do it right. She had to learn how to do it live. Like, it's been a fucking process is what it's been.
Speaker 1:But you've you know, you've we've been together for twenty years. Our oldest is 13.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, the youngest, the six year old has shown us that we don't know shit about shit. And the 13 year old, the 11 year old daughter, like she is challenging me in ways I do Yeah. Not imagine are Yeah. Yeah. She was giving me so much fucking sass the other day.
Speaker 1:And I was like, hold on. I said you can't play this computer game on, with strangers because pedophiles are a thing. But you can play it with your friends. So I did not say that you can't play it with nobody. So why am I getting this mopey shit face?
Speaker 1:And she's and I'm like, why? And I'm like, you know, rational and she's Yes, of course. And I'm like, why are you sad? Shouting at her. Why are you sad?
Speaker 1:Shouting at her. Why are you sad?
Speaker 2:Let her be sad dad. Let her be sad.
Speaker 1:And I was like, I can't play on my game. And I'm like, I didn't say that. I'm like, you can play your fucking game just now with strangers. Because you know, this person can be like a pedophile and you don't know. So just, can you just play with your friends?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm like, oh, I can play with my friends? And then I'm like, can you play the game alone? And I'm like, yeah, I can play it. So you can play alone. Like, that's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So why are we
Speaker 2:fighting? Do you know there's like parental controls? Like, could you put the parental controls on?
Speaker 1:It's like, yeah. And I'm like, is this BG 13? Like, yeah. Yes. I'm like, okay, you can play.
Speaker 1:Like, can you just not play with strangers? Yes. I can play with my friends. Okay, so why are you sad? She doesn't know.
Speaker 1:I don't know. We figured it out, but it involved quite a bit of drama. Yeah. So I don't like what? Cause her mom wasn't there, right?
Speaker 1:There's no mediator. There's nobody to help me talk girl. And there was no, you know, mom to help girl talk dad. It was just it went out of the fucking And then we figured out that we were okay. Like, nobody was upset.
Speaker 1:It just we took us a minute
Speaker 2:to That's get the age though. The age where the girly, the girl dating gets a little harder because the ages that we're going from girl to woman.
Speaker 1:But look, I've learned I'm
Speaker 2:gonna cry.
Speaker 1:I learned enough woman to speak my wife's like, I learned to speak woman and woman translates okay to girl. So I can speak girl, I can speak woman, but I speak it in a rough manner. It's almost like, So that's my that's how that's how I sound in girl or woman. And so it takes a moment to kind of get the things across, but it kind of works. So I've learned the language, but speak it very poorly.
Speaker 2:Well, sometimes they cry and it doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1:And it's called hormones. Ironically, wife, she is like, she gets upset with obviously my son, not with So I'm like, he's 13, his body is being what? Because he doesn't talk girl or woman, he talks boy. And I talk boy because boy is only slightly less good than man. Man is just a little bit better than boy, right?
Speaker 1:So we use longer words and more syllables. That's all. Right. So she's talking to him and he's like, and I'm like, Oh, I get it. I see what she's saying.
Speaker 1:She's like, What the fuck you little ungrateful little shit. I gave you life. And I'm like, No, no, that's boy for I love you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So
Speaker 1:I'm translating boy to woman. She's translating girl to man. There you go. We're making it work. But when she travels, all shit falls apart.
Speaker 1:So yeah, that's the story. And she just got back. Like she just walked in She wants
Speaker 2:to spend time with you. We got to get off this thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're gonna wrap this shit up. But it was fun! There's one question. This has been so much fun and thank you for letting me talk because usually it's me just asking questions. I have one question we got to have you back because we didn't talk through a whole bunch of stuff that I wanted to get to.
Speaker 1:But let me me let me and that's a genuine offer I'll give you the link
Speaker 2:to do that. Is this gonna
Speaker 1:be like complete? Are you gonna edit some parts out or? I is there anything we should edit out?
Speaker 2:I don't
Speaker 1:think so. I mean, I don't know. We could keep it light. I don't know. It's it's fine.
Speaker 1:Okay. One question. Difficult question because it's personal. If you had to go back to the hardest points in your life, what would you tell yourself?
Speaker 2:I would say that what other, it's very trite. Right? What other people think doesn't matter because if you would have just gone with what you wanted to do and been who you wanted to be, you would have found your happy a lot sooner. You would have there's no use in comparing yourself to what anybody else's expectations. So like there's no use in looking at someone else and feeling like you're better than or less than at all because it's all fake.
Speaker 2:It's all fake. Everybody in this world that's marketing something wants you to think you're not good enough. You're not pretty enough. You need makeup. Your hair's ugly.
Speaker 2:You need the special shampoo. You're too fat. You need these pills. Your clothes isn't good enough. You need this fancy one.
Speaker 2:Your car sucks. You need this fancy one. Like, you you're not happy enough. You need these pills and this therapy. And like, it's just everyone's just trying to pull money out of you feeling like shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you're pretty okay. Like, you should have you should have enjoyed the perkiness of your body more and not been so self conscious back then because I miss it.
Speaker 1:You know, that's the dark side of capitalism. I mean, that's the best worst system we have. But I tell you, tell my wife this and I haven't my daughter isn't at that age yet, but I tell her, you are the most beautiful right now than you'll ever be. Yep. It's only downhill from here.
Speaker 2:That was touching for a moment.
Speaker 1:For a moment. I mean, the truth in it is like, you don't need makeup. You don't need I mean, you wanna put it on for you. That's fine.
Speaker 2:You don't put
Speaker 1:it on for other people because And that's my you should absolutely do sports, but that's so you don't die tomorrow and you're with me for another forty Not because you're whatever you think about your body, your body is perfect. So so do sports. Yes. But to be healthy.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Eat well. Yes. To be healthy. Not for any other fucking reason because they're all wrong. And definitely don't do fucking Botox, or she never went down that path, but met people who do.
Speaker 1:Don't do Botox, don't do these weird surgeries, don't use drugs that were not prescribed to you by a doctor. Like all that shit is just fucking evil. So, so I appreciate that. That's a, you know, I'm a man, so I don't know if I'm technically allowed to talk about these things, but I am deeply appreciative of you saying that. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Because I think a lot of people need to hear it.
Speaker 2:And I, and thank you for being the person to show your daughter what good love from a man should feel like. It's acceptance and understanding that the person who truly loves her, maybe it's in a different way because they're not your dad, but that person is going to love her exactly for who she is. And that's what I think a lot of little girls lack in this world. So, yeah, I'm glad you show her that.
Speaker 1:Is she? That may be now the best compliment I ever got. That Mr. General Ben Gull is in second place. Paloma, I And appreciate we will talk again soon.
Speaker 2:Okay, thank you. Bye bye.