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Welcome to Flip the Script with Vic, your weekly pep talk to expand and shift your perspective. I’m your host, Victoria Nielsen. Together, we’ll unwind all the things you thought you knew, and awaken to what’s truly possible when you flip the script on your reality and take control of your own life.
Speaker A [00:00:00]:
Hi, loves. Welcome to another episode of Flip the script with Vic. I'm your host, Victoria Nielsen. Today I want to chat about navigating relationships when you're having a spiritual awakening while you're on the spiritual path, because relationships on their own are fucking hard. And then you add in this, like, crazy chaos of a spiritual awakening, and I feel like it is a pressure cooker just waiting to explode. And that's literally what happened to me this morning. So maybe that's why. That's what's on the mind, but also just because all of this is unknown, right? You never really know when you're on a spiritual path, a spiritual awakening.
Speaker A [00:00:42]:
What is the next thing that's going to be rising inside of you? What's the next thing that's going to feel triggered? That's going to need working on, right? Because that's how it works. As part of a spiritual awakening, you start to chafe and rub against things that perhaps used to bring you joy or used to at least not aggravate you, right? And then all of a sudden, this thing is causing some friction. And before you know it, that chub rub has now caused these little bumps that go all the way down your leg, right? Like, before you know it, it has turned into so much more. And, you know, of course, that can be because of the relationship dynamics, but a lot of it has to do with what's happening in the subconscious mind, what you're moving through as part of your awakening process and what you are currently facing in your reality. Because all of us, right, want to feel needed, supported, loved, heard, cared for, all of those things. And when you're in a really tender moment of introspection or integration as part of the spiritual journey, the spiritual awakening, when you're not receiving that from your significant other, it can feel devastating. It can feel like they don't understand you, like they don't get this path that you're on moving forward. And it can feel really hard to come back together.
Speaker A [00:02:05]:
It can feel really hard to come back to common ground. And I absolutely do not have all of the answers, but I wanted to normalize talking about this because I feel like we suffer in silence. We think there's something wrong with us, that we're too sensitive or any of those stories from our childhood that come up that say that we shouldn't be upset or that we shouldn't be acting the way that we are, that we're crazy or insane or any of those things. And I first and foremost want to tell you that whatever you are feeling is valid. Whatever is moving through you, whatever is being triggered by your relationship currently is valid. It doesn't mean you're crazy. It doesn't mean that you can't control yourself. It doesn't mean any of those labels or things that are being projected upon you.
Speaker A [00:02:51]:
It just means that you're in a tough spot. And can you look at it from an objective perspective and see what it's trying to teach you? And that, of course, takes removing yourself from the situation. But honestly, just as everything else is in life, it's happening for you and not to you. And that's the first thing that I would say of any tumultuousness in your spiritual awakening and also in your relationships, is that these things are coming to the light for a reason, and they're part of a pattern that you are now being asked to upgrade. And it's entirely up to you whether you want to upgrade this pattern, right, or in what way it gets upgraded. But it's going to continue coming and coming and coming until you can no longer just push it aside, until you can no longer just say, oh, I'll deal with that later. It's going to make you deal with it right here and now. And just because you're a spiritual person or on a spiritual path does not mean that you are going to always deal with it with the most grace.
Speaker A [00:03:53]:
And so, first and foremost, I want to give permission to anyone listening that it's okay. If it's not your finest moment. It's okay. If in the moment of this triggering, of this deep awakening, you don't respond with your best self. You don't respond the way that you intellectually know that you should, that is okay. We are emotional beings, and those emotions are just energy in motion, and they need to go somewhere. So if in the heat of it all and the thick of it all, you are upset or you overreact or any of those things, I want you to know that it's okay and that you can always repair and come back. Unless, of course, that situation is something that you're meant to move forward from.
Speaker A [00:04:39]:
And so, you know, all of this tumultuousness that's occurring is because there is a story inside of you that is ready to be rewritten. So, for example, you know, this morning I got into it with my husband, and I was not feeling seen or heard or listened to. And that's a story that I have had for a really long time, that nobody listens, that I have to scream as loud as I can to be heard in the room that people don't really get me. And so I'm continuing to perpetuate this story with my husband when we argue, because it's really easy for me to say that he doesn't understand because it feels like I'm screaming at a brick wall. Well, I'm sure he feels the same way that he's screaming at a brick wall, and I'm not moving or budging or willing to see from his perspective. And so when something like this occurs again and again and again, to me, it's coming up because it's ready to be looked at, it's ready to be healed, it's ready to be moved through. And something that I think is really important is that information is not integration. So, I know I say a lot on the podcast that awareness is the first step, and it is bringing it to your awareness that it's an issue or finding that it's a trigger or discovering that there is something rising inside of you is always the important first step.
Speaker A [00:06:00]:
But information is not integration. So just because you know that this thing triggers you, just because you know this thing is here for your highest good and for your learning, does not mean that it's automatically integrated, that it's automatically moved through. That is a conscious process that you then have to take on, that you then have to be willing to move through. And it's not about being perfect. It's not about the next time you guys having a fight that, like, oh, this never happens again because any of those extremes never work. You can never say, oh, I'm never gonna let this happen again, or, you know, any of that hyperbole, like, doesn't work in a situation like this. You have to live in those areas of gray, because, again, we're human, and we're never gonna react perfectly 100% of the time. We are not robots.
Speaker A [00:06:46]:
So you have to give yourself that little bit of grace that every fight is not going to magically get better. But can you, little by little, as you bring the awareness and the integration, move things forward? So, for example, I know when I'm not heard and listened to and feel like I'm being loved and accepted, I literally turn into a tantruming child. Like, I jump up and down and vibrate and, like, get louder. It's my body's way of remembering that feeling and saying, this is how I used to deal with it in the past, and so this is how I'm going to deal with it now. And so unless you create that cognitive dissonance that second, to break the mental pattern that's happening in your physical body, then, of course, you're going to continue doing the same thing, and it's going to take time. So maybe that first time, instead of my whole body freaking out, I take a pause and I walk away. Well, then underneath, everything is still there, and I'm the person that can't walk away until things are fixed. And that's something that is coming to the forefront with this issue for me, because why can I.
Speaker A [00:07:56]:
Why? What am I afraid of? Like, am I afraid that if I walk away when things are not fixed, that they're going to be broken forever? Am I afraid that I'm not going to be loved anymore? You know, this is something that I'm going to have to explore during the time that I'm not arguing, right? Like, this is for downtime, the introspective time afterwards, some journaling to say, okay, this is what's coming up, and it's related to my childhood. And so what about this is coming up? It's. It's the unloved thing. It's me feeling like I'm gonna push you away for, you know, further, faster, so that you don't get the chance to hurt me. You don't get the chance to push me away. This is a story of mine since childhood, okay? This is not anything new, but it's manifesting in different ways and showing itself throughout my relationship, because your relationships are mirrors for what's happening inside of you. So it's showing me the way that this story is still not been healed. This story is still coming up, because somewhere deep down, I don't love myself.
Speaker A [00:08:54]:
Somewhere deep down, I believe that I am unlovable. Somewhere deep down, I believe that I'm going to be alone and abandoned, and I'm just too much and too crazy and everyone's going to leave me. And so I have to begin rewriting that story by expanding my tolerance for being uncomfortable in those moments. So when I cognitively see myself pushing, I'm scream, you know, my. My. The front of my brain is not on. I'm a. I'm a toddler having a tantrum, essentially.
Speaker A [00:09:24]:
So if I don't have the outside help of someone to break it for me, you know, it would be great to have an adult come in and be like, you're having a tantrum right now, please go have a reset. But if I can pause myself enough to start having a reset or to walk away, I need to start sitting with the uncomfortable emotions of not having it completely fixed. Immediately, I need to start sitting with the emotions of it's going to be okay, even if it's not okay in this moment. And that's really hard for me because as a reformed people pleaser, like, I want everyone to like me, I want everything to be okay. I don't want to feel or be uncomfortable, but I can only control myself. I can't control anyone else or anyone outside of me, and I cannot control what they say, what they do, how they feel, any of those things. And so I have to be able to pause long enough to let my mind know that it's telling a story. Your mind is always telling you a story.
Speaker A [00:10:24]:
And so that's going to be the hard part for me, is that in those moments, pausing and taking a break and walking away, which is actually, my husband does that really well, and I am not very good at it. I keep pushing and pushing and pushing until things reach, like, a breaking point. And so you got to get to the root of why. You've got to ask yourself why you do these things so that you can begin to integrate and change them. And so, like I said, I know it's this childhood story, and so I'm going to do some journaling, I'm going to do some somatic work. I'm going to let my body know that it's safe because you have to begin cultivating that safety in the body when you're not in those stressful moments so that you can call upon that safety when you are in those stressful moments. And, you know, I found today, overwhelmingly, that my body remembered some really stressful times. Like, I used to give myself panic attacks because I would get so upset.
Speaker A [00:11:19]:
And it's something that I started in college, but that's what my body remembers, that in those. In these moments of feeling overwhelmed and not hurt and not accepted and full on tantruming, it wants to start giving itself a panic attack. It did this morning. I basically gave myself a panic attack, but it's because I let it. Like, I. I kept trying to stop it, but then I would rush back into the fight, and then you're putting your body back in that fight or flight mode. I wasn't giving my body the space it needed to rest and digest. And it's easy in hindsight, right, to see that that's what I should have done, that in the heat of the moment, it was not the right thing.
Speaker A [00:11:56]:
And, you know, it's. It's gonna take a bit to undo all of this. And there's guilt as part of this, too, right? Because as you're navigating the spiritual awakening, you're like, oh, I'm more aware. I know that I shouldn't be doing these things, but there's no room for shame. There's no room for shame here because you are human, and these are the things that you are supposed to be learning and growing through while you're here on earth. And so you're not going to be perfect. You're not going to just magically want this to be better and have it be better. You're going to have to work through it.
Speaker A [00:12:27]:
And so, really, I just wanted to share today that, you know, it's hard, and whatever you're, you're navigating personally in your spiritual awakening is going to be amplified in your relationships. And so can you set clearer boundaries, perhaps that when you're having a fragile moment, that you set some time aside for yourself to have space by yourself to process these things. Can you already, you know, I'm a couple days away from my period. I know I'm in a tender moment. You know, what I could have done this morning instead was say, hey, I'm already tender. Like, I don't want to have this conversation right now. Can we table this until later? Or I get really worked up when I have to go teach a class, or I have to go hold space and be in integrity for other people after I've had these arguments, or these things happen. Like, that's another side effect of the spiritual awakening, right? Is that you are more sensitive to energy and to energy around you.
Speaker A [00:13:19]:
So I'm super sensitive to my kids, to my husband, all of that. And so something that I can do is have better energetic boundaries before these activities because it's really easy to blame him and say, like, oh, he always does this before I have to host a class or hold space, which, okay, yes, maybe that's true. Maybe that's not true. But again, then it's up to me to decide if I know that, that something that could potentially happen. I have to set the boundaries and the space to get myself to feel safe, to not put myself in that situation in the first place. And that takes learning, and that takes patience, and that takes time, because your family is going to be the biggest energetic vampire to you during the spiritual awakening. Your. Your relationship, your kids, your immediate family, they incarnated with you for a reason.
Speaker A [00:14:10]:
So you chose your entire soul family before you came here to Earth. And you guys said, hey, I want to experience these relationship dynamics. I want to experience these emotions. I want to experience these things. You chose all of this before you came to Earth, right? But it doesn't mean that it's easy. It means a lot of the times. That's why we have these tumultuous relationships with our mothers, with our fathers, with our spouses, with our kids, because they are our biggest teachers. They are our biggest activators.
Speaker A [00:14:36]:
They are our biggest triggers as part of the spiritual awakening. And if you can learn and accept that, then it becomes a little bit easier to deal with and to navigate, right? Because you know what's going to happen. You know what's going to come up. And you put better safeguards in place around your energy, perhaps around your time, and you build your life in a way that supports you as you're navigating this journey. And you give yourself the space and time perhaps for some self care or to then meditate and move through these emotions, right? But they're going to happen. They are inevitable. And can you prepare yourself with as much patience and love and compassion as you can? And then when they happen, can you give yourself the space to navigate them with a bit more grace? Okay. And in the heat of the moment, it is not easy.
Speaker A [00:15:33]:
It is not easy at all. The reality of this is really hard because especially as you're changing and evolving and growing, you know, that other person that you're with, perhaps they're not. Perhaps they're still on that same wavelength that you started with that you're no longer at. So now you have to consciously choose to recalibrate yourself to them and to their energy. And of course, they have responsibility in this as well. They have to be willing to come along for the journey. And you have to meet people where they are. But also when people show you who they are, you have to believe them.
Speaker A [00:16:08]:
And you cannot try and change them just because you're having the most amazing spiritual awakening. You're learning so many things. This is the best thing ever. You cannot push that on someone else. You cannot push that on your partner. You cannot make them awaken with you. They have to their own shit. They have to navigate.
Speaker A [00:16:29]:
So the only thing that you can be responsible for is yourself as part of this awakening process. Knowing that, yes, there may be collateral in the fights and the things that come up with your family, but again, it's for your highest good. It's for your soul's highest involvement. It's for you to continue to learn and grow. You chose these situations. And I say all that to say, I am not by any means condoning staying in an unhealthy relationship or in an unhealthy or unsafe space. Like, if your partner is part of the spiritual awakening process, is bringing up a lot, and it doesn't make you feel safe or you don't feel physically safe in the moment, your mental health and safety is, first and foremost the most paramount thing. Okay, so I'm not condoning staying in anything, but what I am saying is that these are here to teach you and that you have to begin to integrate them because they will show up again and again and again until you do.
Speaker A [00:17:30]:
Then it feels like deja vu and can be even more frustrating because you're like, I thought I dealt with this. But it is always a reflection of a story that's rising inside of you to be looked at, to be reprogrammed, to be readdressed from this higher perspective, this higher consciousness that you are cultivating. So it's messy. It's messy. Spiritual awakenings on their own are messy. Relationships are messy on their own. These things are really fucking hard. And then you put them together and they get even harder.
Speaker A [00:18:00]:
So please allow yourself a little bit of grace that whatever way you're navigating this is perfect. And having the support that you need outside of your family is huge. So having friends that you can lean on and not to just go, like, rehash the argument and be like, oh, he's wrong, I'm right, blah, blah, blah. But instead, to have friends to just check on and support your energy and maybe bring you up when you're feeling low is important. And taking inventory of who in your life is that energy vampire and who isn't, right? Because you may notice that throughout the day, to keep your energy levels, at a certain point, you have to move people or situations out of your energy and then bring in people or situations that give you joy, that light you up. Right. At any given point, it's like a. A chess game where you're moving people and pieces around depending on how they make you feel, because it's really important that you're supporting yourself as much as you can on this energetic and spiritual awakening, right? So if your children are what bring you joy, then spend more time with them and maybe spend a little bit of less, you know, time with your partner.
Speaker A [00:19:12]:
Not all the time, but maybe that week that you're really feeling this integration or feeling this upgrade, set yourself up for success. You know, maybe you. You plan a girl's trip or a girl's day or a girl's night out or something. So that you. You can fill your cup because it's a balance, right? It's always going to be filling or depleting. And on days that you're feeling more depleted, how can you surround yourself with the things that lift you up so that you can navigate it with a little bit more ease, right? And perhaps a little bit more gentleness and clarity? So that's what I've got for you today, guys. I hope it helps just to know that you're not alone and that, you know, this, this chaos can be navigated and that there's a reason for it. I think for me that's always the biggest thing, is to know that there's a reason for it and then it feels potentially a little bit easier.
Speaker A [00:20:06]:
And to give yourself the space right that you need for hindsight and for those integrative, juicy nuggets to drop in to show you the way forward, to show you the things that you can do better and do differently. Because that's all we're ever trying to do, right, is just be better humans and take it day by day and know that the path is not linear. It could be five steps forward, seven steps back, two steps forward, a step back. It is not a straight line. Healing is not a straight line. It's not linear. It's not something that's going to happen overnight. It is something that is progressed over time.
Speaker A [00:20:40]:
So with that, I love you guys so much. If you want tools to better regulate your nervous system, to feel safety in the body, my monthly online kundalini and breath work membership, the portal collective, is here to support you. We have new meditations every single month that support the collective energy. Right now, we're doing a monthly meditation to trust. To trust that we're exactly where we need to be, that we have the support of the universe, that we have the support of our guides and angels, and that we are not alone in all that we are doing. I love you guys so much. I'll see you next week. Be good to one another.