Beyond Your Default

On this week's episode, George and I dive into the topic of honesty — one of the 10 pillars of the Superhuman Framework — specifically self-deception and dishonesty that manifests from within. We explore how self-deception can wreak havoc in our lives and the different ways it can manifest, such as negative self-talk and an inflated ego. We also emphasize the importance of self-awareness and the need to be honest with ourselves in order to learn and grow.

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The conversation unpacks with unflinching candor the themes of self-deception and honesty. I talk about the experience of finding inspiration for writing and realizing the role of confusion in enabling self-deception. And George went there by discussing his struggle with weight and the lies he told himself.

We both talk about the importance of self-reflection and being honest with ourselves. Practicing radical honesty with oneself can boost personal integrity, enhance emotional resilience, and improve decision-making. It promotes a sense of calm and stability, leading to overall well-being and a happier, more fulfilling life.

By being honest with ourselves, we align our actions with our true values and beliefs, leading to a greater sense of self-respect. It also helps us confront uncomfortable truths and reduce internal conflicts. Practicing radical honesty allows us to make sustainable positive changes in our lives and live in alignment with our true selves.

Topics We Cover
honesty, self-deception, self-awareness, negative self-talk, inflated ego, personal growth, self-deception, honesty, self-reflection, confusion, weight, lies, radical honesty, personal integrity, emotional resilience, decision-making, well-being, self-respect, uncomfortable truths, internal conflicts, positive changes, alignment

Takeaways + Highlights
  • Self-deception can manifest in negative self-talk and an inflated ego, both of which can hinder personal growth.
  • Being self-aware allows us to learn from our mistakes and avoid falling into the trap of self-deception.
  • Honesty with ourselves is crucial for personal growth and maintaining a balanced perspective.
  • Self-deception can lead to a distorted self-perception and prevent us from recognizing our weaknesses.
  • It's important to avoid extremes of self-deception and strive for a more balanced and honest view of ourselves. Self-deception can manifest in negative self-talk, stories we tell ourselves, and beliefs that shape our thoughts and actions.
  • Confusion can be a result of setting conditions that enable it and waiting for answers instead of seeking them.
  • Self-reflection and regular time set aside for introspection are crucial for gaining a clear and honest understanding of oneself.
  • Fear can lead to self-sabotage and staying small in life, but confronting fears and choosing clarity over comfort can lead to growth.
  • Being honest with oneself and others is essential for building healthy relationships and addressing issues.
  • Identifying and challenging the lies we tell ourselves can help break free from self-deception and live authentically. Practicing radical honesty boosts personal integrity and self-respect.
  • Being honest with oneself enhances emotional resilience and reduces internal conflicts.
  • Radical honesty improves decision-making and promotes a sense of calm and stability. It allows for sustainable positive changes and living in alignment with one's true self.

Quotes About Honesty + Self-Deception

"Self-deception is nature; hypocrisy is art." - Mason Cooley

"We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality." - Seneca

"The easiest person to deceive is one's own self." - Edward Bulwer-Lytton

"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool." - Richard Feynman

"Self-deception is a pessimistic definition of optimism." - Theodor Reik

"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting." - Buddha

"Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others." - Fyodor Dostoevsky

"We are not deceiving anyone, but we are often deceiving ourselves." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true." - Demosthenes

"The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself." - Thales

"Self-awareness doesn’t stop you from making mistakes, it allows you to learn from them." - Peter Shepherd

Related BYD Episodes

Creators & Guests

Host
George B. Thomas
A catalyst for growth!
Host
Liz Moorehead
Content therapist and speaker.

What is Beyond Your Default?

What Is Beyond Your Default? "Everyone keeps telling me I should be happy, but I'm not." “I feel stuck.” “I have a calling, but where do I start?"

Right now, you have a choice. You can continue living within your default norms, playing it safe, clocking in and out every day, and scraping by to achieve what's supposed to make you happy hopefully. Or you can choose to accept the challenge of living beyond your default. Stop wishing to live your "best life” and start living your best life. Success leaves clues. And they're waiting for you to discover them.

George B. Thomas:

When you set aside a regular time for self reflection, you can use that time to think about your goals. More importantly, maybe your values and maybe even more importantly than that, the behaviors and find out are your behaviors actually matching your values and your goals and where you're trying to get. Anyway, as yourself kind of like ask questions like, what are my core values or what do I want to achieve in the next year? Getting these focuses can kind of help you align your actions with your true self. I'm purposely pausing there because I feel like there are people out there who have the self that they show everybody, and they have the self that is them.

George B. Thomas:

And too many times we've easily fallen into this lying to ourself or this self deception that you're showing up 80, 70, 95 percent of the time as the self you think they want instead of the self that you are.

Liz Moorehead:

Welcome back to Beyond Your Defaults. I'm your host, Liz Morehead. And as always, I'm joined by George b Thomas. George, how are you this morning?

George B. Thomas:

I'm doing good, Liz. How are you doing?

Liz Moorehead:

I'm doing great. Let's go right into low lights and highlights from the weekend.

George B. Thomas:

Okay. I'm gonna start. I'm gonna start. Liz is like, no BS today. We're just gonna get right into it.

Liz Moorehead:

Well, I was about to sit here and start telling a story. I'm like, but wait. That's your highlight.

George B. Thomas:

Yeah. You should probably just get into it.

Liz Moorehead:

We're just gonna roll right into it. So my highlight from the weekend, George, I didn't have to see anybody this weekend. I had

George B. Thomas:

no plans. No human interaction?

Liz Moorehead:

No. Well, I saw some humans, but there was no, like, Liz, you have to be here. Liz, you gotta go do this thing. Because the weekend prior was really fun, but I had spent most of my time seeing other people, getting other stuff done, and it was, you know, it was good, but it was a travel weekend. And then this weekend was just quiet.

Liz Moorehead:

Formula 1 was back. Got to watch that and made myself a little breakfast in bed. A little smoked salmon, a little mango.

George B. Thomas:

Oh. It was just overall. Too.

Liz Moorehead:

I know. I've been watching you with your new healthy recipes, and I actually ended up taking a try at one of those, like, bean bowls.

George B. Thomas:

Yes. Yeah. Super good. Yes.

Liz Moorehead:

But, yeah, overall, my highlight is just silence and chilling out.

George B. Thomas:

It's a good highlight.

Liz Moorehead:

Low light, I twisted my ankle. Oh, no. I know. It's not too bad. It's not sprained or anything.

George B. Thomas:

Right.

Liz Moorehead:

But I used to have a really good working out routine when I lived in Connecticut because of the way my office was situated and also the fact that it was cooler weather. Now we are under a heat advisory. I've been doing a lot of work stuff, and I was gonna use this weekend to really kind of get back into my routines. So I go to the gym and what do I do the first thing on the track? Tweak my ankle.

Liz Moorehead:

Okay. Do you ever have that, George, where you're feeling so pumped to get a new habit started or to restart a habit

George B. Thomas:

Oh, yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

Or something like that, and then right out of the gate, like, and you gotta sit your butt down.

George B. Thomas:

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

That was me. So I'm fine. I'm not injured. I didn't have to go anywhere, but it's just a little bit of, oh, when I'm walking around this morning. So that's fine.

George B. Thomas:

Alright. I'll jump into mine. So a couple highlights, actually. So one, I have to mention that one of my nephews came into town, and so he was gonna go to a concert, but he stayed at our house, went to the concert. And, actually, he's still here, maybe sleeping.

George B. Thomas:

But getting to see him, and we took him, my girls, my wife out to mister Tokyo's, which is an all you can eat sushi place. By the way, if you're a guy who's trying to eat healthy, a sushi place is a really great place to go. I had miso soup. I had crab salad. I had this avocado, like, crab sushi roll.

George B. Thomas:

I didn't eat the rice. I ate the insides of the thing. And then I had a veggie only hibachi. Again, didn't eat the rice, but ate the veggies. And I just was like, oh, this is the most amazing place to go and actually be able to eat healthy.

George B. Thomas:

Even tried a little seaweed salad. Oh. I'm not a big fan. I ate half of it, but I'm like, oh, maybe not. I'm kinda going nerdy with this healthy thing, but I don't know if I'm that level of nerdiness on this healthy thing.

George B. Thomas:

But who knows? We'll see. That's a highlight. But another highlight is and by the way, this highlight is based off of a low light. I went to the store and I was picking up, like, normal stuff, you know, like shampoo, soap, deodorant, toothpaste, you know, hygiene stuff.

George B. Thomas:

And I stopped by this aisle that had these, like, cushion inserts for your shoes, which I've never really, like, bought extra cushion because I figured my shoes come with cushion and why would I? But I was like, okay. I need to do something, so I'm gonna buy this cushion thing that goes in my shoes. And immediately when I put them in my shoes, I was like, oh my god. I'm walking on air.

George B. Thomas:

This is amazing. I will probably continue to buy these for the rest of my life and add these to my shoes. But this highlight is based off of a low light. Now it's funny because, Liz, you and I both have alluded to my changing of eating. And the fact that I went from, like, 311 down past 290, and now I'm in the 2 eighties over the last 30 days.

George B. Thomas:

And my body feels great, by the way. I don't feel any inflammation. My arthritis just doesn't seem to be acting up, but dank on it. I have this left heel that feels like somebody is, like, sticking a steak knife into my heel, and it'll come and go. It'll, like if I'm walking around or if, like, I take a, you know, hot shower or whatever, then it it doesn't hurt.

George B. Thomas:

But, like, if I sit for a long period time or if I stand for, like, too long in one place, all of a sudden that heal, and I'm like, okay. Fasciitis? What? Did you just speak English? I don't even know what that is.

Liz Moorehead:

You may wanna go get this checked out, but I had it. It's something called plantar fasciitis, which is it sounds horrifying. It's not. It's just like a weird thing in your foot where, like I can't remember if it's like a muscle knot or something like that, but it's like a big painful shooting pain and I have to be really careful if I've been sitting for too long or something like that. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

It's probably Okay.

George B. Thomas:

So I need to go get this checked out, but walking on air and giving extra cushion has been helping. But here's what's frustrating to me is dank on it. I'm, again, kind of like you're, like, twisted ankle. I'm doing everything I can to not be in pain. The way that I'm eating, the way that I'm moving, the way and

Liz Moorehead:

So of course. Of course. This

George B. Thomas:

and I'm like, really? Can I just have a time where anyway, so that's the

Liz Moorehead:

whole brother gotta do to stay healthy?

George B. Thomas:

Right. Like

Liz Moorehead:

You're like, lord, I'm eating all the beans, man. What's going on? Can we work something out?

George B. Thomas:

And what's funny is I'm not doing this to lose the weight. I just happen to be losing the weight. My literal goal, and I've told people this, I'm just trying to live a life where I'm not in pain.

Liz Moorehead:

Oh, I immediately started losing weight the moment I stopped trying to lose weight.

George B. Thomas:

That's the whole thing that's wild about it. Yeah. And so it's like it's almost like God is jokingly be like, oh, yeah. You can live without, like, 90% pain, but here you go. And I'm like Yep.

George B. Thomas:

Come on.

Liz Moorehead:

I'm sending it to you now. Plantar fasciitis is the inflammation of a certain type of tissue in your foot

George B. Thomas:

Well, that would be

Liz Moorehead:

happens with overuse and some other things.

George B. Thomas:

Look at you using the word that I absolutely have come to hate, inflammation

Liz Moorehead:

of tissue. I know. I'm here to help. No.

George B. Thomas:

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Liz Moorehead:

This week's topic, I am so excited. I know I say this about a lot of topics, but you could probably tell from my notes, Liz has some feelings about this issue.

George B. Thomas:

Well, what's funny is not only do you have feelings, but you're like, I think this should be 2 episodes before we even got here. And I was like, I'm down with that. And then when I started to do my research, I'm like, shoot. This episode could probably be 2 episodes, and the episode after this could probably be 2 episodes.

Liz Moorehead:

I think we're gonna have to have this conversation about each part twice.

George B. Thomas:

Yeah. We're gonna see where

Liz Moorehead:

this ends up. Yeah. Because this week, ladies and gentlemen, we are talking about honesty, specifically self deception and dishonesty that manifests from within. So when we lie to ourselves, when we are dishonest with ourselves. Because in our last episode, George, we went through the superhuman framework, which is something that enables us to all live a life beyond our default.

Liz Moorehead:

Right?

George B. Thomas:

Yep.

Liz Moorehead:

And for those who haven't listened to the episode yet, I strongly encourage you go back and listen to it. We talked about honesty as one of the core ten pillars of this superhuman framework. Now what's interesting about this discussion is that you pointed to 2 types of honesty.

George B. Thomas:

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

Because when you initially brought it up, of course, be honest. Don't let people that have integrity.

George B. Thomas:

You know, like Yeah. Duh. There are no duhs of it. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

It's like, yes, George. Wow.

George B. Thomas:

Earth shattering. Mind breaking.

Liz Moorehead:

It's just like when I saw it on the list, it was like, of course, it's there. But you went out of your way, and you kind of did it in a very not sneaky way, but you just kinda slid it in there.

George B. Thomas:

Oh, yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

There's also the challenge of being honest with ourselves. You just kind of like a quick throw of whale. Excuse me, sir? What was that drive by?

George B. Thomas:

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

Sir, we need to come back

George B. Thomas:

Shot shot.

Liz Moorehead:

And have a cup. I know. And you talked about how hard it can be to face one's own weaknesses, our own limitations, that you really need to push yourself to be self reflective. So with that in mind, we are kicking off the 2 part initial conversation about honesty, starting with our relationship that we have with ourselves about honesty and self deception. You excited?

George B. Thomas:

I yes. This is no. I am I am excited. It's just my goal by the way, in many things that I do outside of this professional growth podcast, I live by this philosophy of simplify the complex. This could quickly become a complex conversation, and I'm trying to go at this, especially this first episode, in a kind of simplified way, but a very, no pun intended, honest way.

George B. Thomas:

The reason I did that drive by, the reason I slid it in is because I have historically caught myself doing this. And well, anyway, we'll get into it.

Liz Moorehead:

We're gonna get into it right now. In fact, I wanna start by asking you, in what ways have you observed or experienced personally with yourself? How self deception can manifest or rehab in our lives.

George B. Thomas:

I'm gonna get to your question in one second.

Liz Moorehead:

Of course.

George B. Thomas:

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

You know what? There's On every podcast, George, you little rule breaker. I know. Go ahead.

George B. Thomas:

And we'll make sure we put this in the show notes. I've Slacked Liz, and I'm like, o m g, mind blown.

Liz Moorehead:

I watched it.

George B. Thomas:

On this piece of content.

Liz Moorehead:

Mhmm.

George B. Thomas:

And so I wanna start out with The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Dostoevsky. Yeah. Which, by the way, is not the easiest of either of those names to say, but that's not the important part. The important part is that you remember what was written, and that is above all, don't lie to yourself.

George B. Thomas:

The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect, he ceases to love. Now if you have to rewind that and listen to that again, I want you to just realize there's some real key concepts there, and especially when I think about my life and the life that I've lived and the stories that we've been telling on this podcast. And so when I heard the words truth within or around, I was like, oh, like, that's really powerful because we should be focused on the reality in which we're living, but understand that our reality is always changing minute by minute, second by second, day by day. We have this thing that we lean into where knowledge is truth, but knowledge is not truth.

George B. Thomas:

Knowledge can be true, but it's not truth because everything's always changing. It was true once, but it doesn't mean it's true now. And we're just not historically good at, like, drawing a line between those 2. The other one where it says in there respect oneself, I can imagine living a life where you don't respect yourself. Because the younger George, I lived a life where I didn't respect who I was, how I was showing up.

George B. Thomas:

So I understand that, and I'm like, oh my god. That's the dark side. Like, that's respecting myself is one of the things that I've been running towards, and this lack of respect for who I am and what I'm doing and how I'm showing is what I've been running away from. But, Liz, if and I've said this several times in the podcast, like and outside of this podcast, by the way. Why do you do what you do?

George B. Thomas:

Why do you show up the way you show up? What is your, like, underlying main core concept? And that is love. Love yourself, love others. And so the fact that this ended with you lose, you cease to love, I'm like that like a shocking punch in the face to me of, like, oh my god.

George B. Thomas:

And and the reason I think it's this shocking, like, punch in the face is because I realize how easy it is to lie to yourself. And once you start that pattern, how easy that can become you because you're practicing that pattern.

Liz Moorehead:

You know what's interesting? He also has another quote, Dostoevsky. Those Russians, man, barrel elapse. I'm telling you. Big rays of sunshine just walking around, particularly those Russian authors.

George B. Thomas:

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

But Dostoevsky also said lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others. So the idea of self deception and self dishonesty is not only terrifying in terms of its consequences, we're almost programmed that way, at least according to mister sunshine.

George B. Thomas:

Right. Well, I and I don't disagree with what you're saying. And so here's the thing. Again, if we start to put the pieces of the puzzle together of this podcast and of my life and of things that I talk about, I talk about a great master is always the best student. And what's funny is when I heard this, I went to, oh my gosh.

George B. Thomas:

This is actually how for me, I've tried to divine the line between truth and true and versus knowledge being truth, but knowledge or truth being true at some point is that the master is always learning because they're being the student in life. This was, like, part of the, I wanna research this. I wanna dig in more so I can add a layer on top of my own thought. I immediately was like, oh, god. This whole topic is gonna be crazy.

George B. Thomas:

So let me back up and go back into your question. And what ways have I observed or experienced with myself how self deception can manifest? And you said wreck havoc in in our lives, in my lives. And so I don't know if the listener's going to connect with this. I feel like maybe many will.

George B. Thomas:

Some might not have the same problems, but immediately when you ask that question, Liz, I think of I'm weak. I'm not worthy. I'm unwanted. I'm a loser. I don't belong here.

George B. Thomas:

I'm stuck. Oh my god. I've ruined my life. The problem with the way that we lie to ourselves or at least that I lie to myself is that it usually creates either a toxic mental pit that is then easy to, like, get flowing in this downward spiral, or it might sound like something like this. I'm awesome.

George B. Thomas:

I'm the man. I've arrived. They're lucky I'm here. Right? And so the other side of this coin is it throws me into a journey ripe with ego taking over my brain and who I'm actually showing.

George B. Thomas:

Even worse, we don't capture the fact that on both sides of these that in my case, I'm lying to myself. Or if you connect with this listeners or Liz that you're lying to yourself. And I love this quote by Peter Shepherd that you put into our show notes. The one that is self awareness doesn't stop you from making mistakes. It allows you to learn from them, and that's the thing.

George B. Thomas:

What I've had to figure out with self awareness, especially around this topic of self honesty is watching out for those two pillars of this toxic, easy to flow down, negative, or this, like, hyper uplifting, egotistical, narcissistic side, and how can I spend time flowing between those in a more balanced way? The thing is, Liz, self deception can mess with your head. When you tell yourselves these negative lies, you start to believe them. Again, if you run a narrative long enough in your own mind, it becomes truth even though it's not true. And so you start to believe this.

George B. Thomas:

You begin to see everything through this dark distorted lens, and it becomes almost self fulfilling prophecy. And I've seen people who get in this mode where it's like, it's just this is what happens to me. This is my life. And many times, I'll look at myself when I get into that mode, or I'll look at others and I'll be like, yo, the best thing you can do right now is just get the hell out of your own way. Like, get out of your own way because your mind is, like, creating this false reality that you believe is real.

George B. Thomas:

You see it as truth, but it's because your energy is flowing on it. Tony Robbins, he did a interview. I think it was with Lewis Howes, I think, if memory serves me correct. And he said, I want you to look for everything brown that you can see in the room that we're in. And he could name things that were brown, and then he asked him to see things that were red.

George B. Thomas:

And he'd okay. So but then they talked about how he even made some things that were beige be brown, and some things that were maroon be red just so he could win. Our brain is always trying to, like, make us see the things in a way and it might not be truth, but we'll lie to ourself and make it true so that we can get the outcome that we're looking for. And so we're convincing, ourself or yourself that you're, in a couple different ways not good enough, that you can't achieve your goals, that you're a failure because you've even tried to do the thing. And this negative self talk can paralyze you, making you afraid to step out of your comfort zone and take risks.

George B. Thomas:

And so, again, truth not being true becomes the hurdle mentally for you as you're trying to move forward down this road. It's like a mental pit of quicksand that slowly pulls you deeper and deeper until you feel completely stuck. And for anyone listening to this podcast and trying to live a life beyond their default or your default, being paralyzed and in quicksand, ladies and gentlemen, it's not where we wanna be. Right? And so that's the negative side for me.

George B. Thomas:

On the flip side, self deception can also pump up your ego. Pump it up. I, like, wanna start singing, but I'm not going to. And when I say pump it up, I don't mean in a good way. I mean, unhealthy levels.

George B. Thomas:

By the way, we went deep into this. If you want more on that topic of, like, the idea of ego, then you need to listen to episode 13 where we talk about good ego versus bad ego, what to do when you get too big for your britches, and they're done that. By the way, I think that's maybe one of our it's pretty stinking powerful. I think it might be one of our most in the top 10 of powerful, like, podcast episodes that we did. But when you let this side of that coin grow, you start believing that you're invincible, that you've got everything figured out, and that everyone else should be grateful just to be in the presence of you.

George B. Thomas:

And while confidence is great, this inflated self view can blind us to our weaknesses and prevent us from growing. And listen, if you're listening to this podcast, it's literally beyond your default. It is a personal growth podcast. If you are blind to your weaknesses and you're preventing yourself from growing, then frankly, you're wasting your time even listening to this podcast, because you're probably lying about the things that you need to truly hear from the things that we're saying. Anyway, it can make you dismiss valuable feedback.

George B. Thomas:

It helps tremendously in a bad way alienate those around you, and ultimately, it can lead to your downfall. And listen, when reality finally kicks in and hits you, this is why all of a sudden you're like, man, why didn't life kick me in my beep? Because you were ignoring reality for so long on one of these sides. So whether you're spiraling down or you're riding high on a cloud of self deception, neither extreme is healthy or sustainable, and I have found these two things that end up happening. You end up with a distorted self perception of yourself or maybe it's even something where you have this realization of unhealthy behaviors.

George B. Thomas:

And we can talk about those, deeper if we want or we continue to move on, but those are 2 things that we should be kinda looking at and thinking about.

Liz Moorehead:

I love that. I have a lot of thoughts. Number 1, for a little while there, I thought you were just quoting Radiohead lyrics. You know, I'm a freak. I'm a weirdo.

Liz Moorehead:

Yeah. I'm also by the way. Always going to be here always going to be here for a pump it up Joe Budden reference because that if you think I'm not now seriously considering putting Fast and Furious on in the background while I do work today

George B. Thomas:

Pump, pump, pump it up. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

You clearly read my newsletter that went out yesterday morning. Maybe. Beondre beondre default.comforward/newsletter. But let's move beyond that. Go subscribe.

Liz Moorehead:

Go subscribe. A lot of what you said really resonated with me. And I always find these types of questions interesting because you and I will look at the exact same question and then just go in completely different

George B. Thomas:

directions. Directions. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

Now this may be somewhat inspired by some of the work I've been really focusing on personally in my life, but I'm gonna pull back the curtain a little bit on how I write our newsletter. Yeah. Because what will happen is usually I'll just be walking or somebody will say something and and then all of a sudden, the little brain machine starts going. It's like, where's my phone? Gotta grab it.

Liz Moorehead:

And I'll just start frantically typing into my notes app. Because you said something about that light bulb moment when you start to realize what's actually going on. I had one of those this weekend.

George B. Thomas:

Mhmm.

Liz Moorehead:

And it inspired a little bit of writing, which is there's a moment when you realize the reason you are confused is because you are setting the conditions only for confusion to be possible. You are enabling confusion around you. You are waiting for answers to come to you instead of just going out and getting them. So ask yourself, why are you confused? Is it because you prefer the safety and insulation that comes with living within a cloud of confusion where all possibilities are still, well, possible?

Liz Moorehead:

Or is there something you should be doing about it? And so when I think about self deception and dishonesty, the way I often see it manifest in my life is, yes. A lot of the things that you touched on. Right? The the negative self talk, the stories that we tell ourselves, those beliefs that then inform our thoughts, that then inform our actions, which is how we manifest either positively or negatively what our life looks like.

Liz Moorehead:

Right? Because there are two sides to that. You can tell yourself negative stories, which create negative thoughts, which create negative outcomes, or you can tell yourself positive stories that create positive thoughts, that create positive outcomes. But when I think about self deception, honestly, I've often run into it the most situationally in addition to that. You know, what is actually happening in a situation?

Liz Moorehead:

Right? Like, one of the things I like to say is feelings aren't facts unless they are. But usually what will happen is, for example, let's say I have a disagreement with somebody. I first need to understand, okay, what are the facts of the situation? What actually happened?

Liz Moorehead:

What was actually said between us? And then I have my feelings in a separate spot over like to the left of the facts. And then my goal is to figure out, okay, are the feelings I'm having right now about the facts in the same spot as the facts? You know what I mean? Like, am I feeling appropriately given what occurred?

Liz Moorehead:

Or are my feelings on another planet right now, light years from where the facts of the situation are? If so, what are my feelings trying to tell me and I need to pull those feelings back closer to reality. That's the only time I start feeling good about having a conversation about something that I'm not happy about. But often I will find myself in these weird kind of disconnected moments where I'm either leaning too heavily into my feelings and intuitively experiencing an experience, which is colored by negative stories, negative self talk, perceiving the absolute worst possible meaning in what somebody was saying to me about something, and then I'll create imagined crises in my head. That's usually the big way I see myself really struggling with this, is that I'll have an improper or incorrect view on the situation, be absolutely assured of my rightness in that, and then become paralyzed and stuck with fear because it's already too late or I don't know how to move forward or it's an imagined crisis that doesn't even exist.

George B. Thomas:

It's so interesting, Liz. When you were talking about that, you unlocked something in my brain, which I immediately started typing down because I didn't wanna lose it. Based on what you were saying, my brain went to this. What are the facts? Question mark.

George B. Thomas:

What are my feelings? Question mark. What are the fears driving those feelings? Question mark. What do I need to forget?

George B. Thomas:

Question mark. What do I need to foster? Question mark. How do I forge ahead? Question mark.

George B. Thomas:

Putting things that happen in some type of rubrics like that, I think, will help alleviate some of the times that we easily do what we're talking about today, which is just self deception. Flat out.

Liz Moorehead:

Oh, yeah. It's one of the things that over the past year I've worked really hard at specifically is saying, okay. There are the facts of a situation and then there are the feelings we have about the facts of a situation. How in alignment are they? And sometimes your feelings and your facts are gonna be well in alignment.

Liz Moorehead:

I perceived him being a butthead. He was in fact a butthead. I don't feel great about him being a butthead. We're going to talk about it. And then other times, it's the facts are kind of innocuous.

Liz Moorehead:

Sure you kind of disagreed, your feelings are on another planet, Liz.

George B. Thomas:

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

What is that trying to tell you? What did that trigger within you? What is the deeper conversation you need to either have with yourself or them or whatever it is? There are 2 other ways that I see this really show up as well, and I see this a lot in my coaching. And we've talked about your experience with this.

Liz Moorehead:

Right? Which is we have a very strict idea of either what identity our identity is or what will be tolerated by the public when it comes to our identity. So for example, right now I'm working with a new content manager who's young, just a couple years out of college, super sweet girl, super nice, helping her out just as a favor to a friend. And what's been interesting is I've watched over 3 weeks her writing skyrocket. Like, she literally sounds like a fundamentally different person, and she didn't change.

Liz Moorehead:

I just was a verbal permission slip to her like, you don't have to sound like that. Whatever this weirdness is right now, I love this. You can be this. You can do this. Come out.

Liz Moorehead:

Say it. Say the quiet parts out loud. And her writing changed immediately. In fact, from week 0 to week 1, she created a new draft. And the friend of mine who asked me talk with her said, woah.

Liz Moorehead:

Okay. This worked. I'm like, oh, god. I hope so you went through this training too, dude. It was funny in that way.

Liz Moorehead:

So there's this self deception about identity. Sometimes it's a matter of we growing up folks. Sometimes you only find out who you are by getting to know who you are through circumstance, time, life. Like, there's that piece of it. But then there's the self deception of, oh, I can't be this way out loud.

Liz Moorehead:

Well, I can't say those parts out loud. I can't do that out. Yes. You can. In fact, the reason why you feel so much friction in your life is because you are exerting more effort to bring yourself 5 to 20% dimmer to make yourself more palatable.

Liz Moorehead:

You don't actually have to learn a new skill, you just need to stop doing something that isn't making you exert too much energy. Fun fact. The last thing is something I have written about quite a bit. It has been the drum that has caused most of my friends to say, please stop personally attacking me every week in your newsletter, sometimes twice a week if I'm feeling spicy. And that is getting really honest with what you want and what you don't want.

Liz Moorehead:

In fact, there is a practice I shared earlier this week that is based off of a quote from Ernest Hemingway that is really actually, it's advice for writer's block. That's where it came from. And it says write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence you know. And so sometimes when I'm feeling stuck about a situation where I know a situation has now become a situation, my inner cupcake alarms are going off, everything in my body is saying alert, There is a call coming from inside the house.

Liz Moorehead:

Fire fire fire but I don't understand what's going on. I do not understand what's going on. I don't know if it's a feeling. I don't know if it's a fact. I I just know that the situation has now reached a critical mass where it must be addressed because it's taking up too much oxygen, too much energy.

Liz Moorehead:

I will sit down and I will ask myself, what is the most one true sentence I know about this situation? I don't try to figure it out, I just try to think of the one thing that comes to mind that makes me immediately say that is the truth. And I've gotten some really interesting outputs from that.

George B. Thomas:

So

Liz Moorehead:

those are my thoughts. I see your brain has been cranking as I've been talking.

George B. Thomas:

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

Oh, boy. Okay. What you got?

George B. Thomas:

No. No. We'll just move on. But there's definitely, again, we'll probably have a part 2 to this part 1 of the other part 2 that we'll anyway. So The

Liz Moorehead:

part 1 to the part 2 to the part 1?

George B. Thomas:

Yeah. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

Alright. Well, let's get a little personal then. Yeah. We've touched upon this a little bit already. How have you specifically struggled with self deception and honesty in your life?

George B. Thomas:

I hate this question.

Liz Moorehead:

It loves you too, George.

George B. Thomas:

Yeah. I've always told myself the one demon that I couldn't beat was my weight. Things like I'm just big boned even, oh, god made me this way. Because this is a episode on honesty, if I'm going to be honest, chips, ice cream, and hamburgers made me this way. Not god.

George B. Thomas:

Not getting up and moving my butt made me this way. And so if I stick to this conversation 2 years ago when I had lost £79, a friend and I both lied to ourselves and said, we're gonna take a break for Thanksgiving and Christmas. What's funny is I knew we were lying to ourself even though we were lying to ourself. It was this thing of, like, I subconsciously looking back at it realize I think I want it off the hook, but I didn't really want off the hook. It was reverse accountability.

George B. Thomas:

We were both like, screw it. But in hindsight for me personally, it was like I was asking the demon I had been fighting and winning against to come back into my life and wreck complete havoc, which, by the way, ended up me in the hospital again because we all know what happened. I had a plan until I didn't. Listen to that episode if you're curious about what that means. But, again, to be very honest, historically, it's been easy for me to fall prey to this or any conversation around being healthy, losing weight, watching what I'm eating, watching the amount I'm moving.

George B. Thomas:

Oh, one cookie won't hurt. Oh, it's just a small bowl of chips. The other thing too that I think is easy to fall prey to is if you live in a world where it's always their fault. Oh, well, I'm sitting on this couch smoking this joint, have drank those 12 beers because my math teacher told me I'd never amount to anything. Oh, you know what?

George B. Thomas:

I'm divorced because I had a road map before me in my family tree that showed me that it was see, here's the thing. If it's always their fault, then I by the way, listeners, if you're connecting with this you, but I'll just say, I have no reason to grow. They should be the one growing. It's their fault. It's not mine.

George B. Thomas:

Liz, but also listeners, I have to ask, in life now or historically, are you lying your way to staying small in life?

Liz Moorehead:

A 100%. Absolutely.

George B. Thomas:

I have absolutely lied my way away from places I should go and into places I should have stayed away from in the effort to be safe but small. I've had this throughout my entire personal journey. My entire personal journey where I've done this. And I've done it less for the last 2 years as far as, like, it's their fault versus, like, owning it and not giving myself that permission slip. I've battled more with, obviously, everybody knows the weight and the exercise over the last 2 years.

George B. Thomas:

It's very interesting to me too when we're having this very honest conversation. The amount that I've been working on my brain to which the lack I actually paid attention to my body, and therefore, the, like, looking for the need for how do I balance both of those. Like, how do I work on my brain and my body at

Liz Moorehead:

this point? Literally only a few months ago going, self care, what's that? That's for women. Like

George B. Thomas:

I don't need none of that. There's anyway, Liz, I'm gonna get off the hot seat. What about you personally? Let's hear, like, how have you dealt with this over the years?

Liz Moorehead:

What are you talking about? I'm a perfect angel.

George B. Thomas:

Oh, yeah. Okay. That section's over. Let's move on then.

Liz Moorehead:

No. No. Let's take a flashback to last week when you and I were in our evolved leadership group.

George B. Thomas:

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

And it was all about the ways in which we self sabotage because you you said something here that just triggered something that I actually didn't even have on my list of what I was gonna be talking about today. But this is what makes this conversation so important because it's a death by paper cut situation, ladies and gentlemen. It's the little insidious ways that we allow we we've programmed ourselves to fall into these mental and habitual groups of how we live our lives based on these little lies we've told ourselves. I've noticed recently, we've talked about this, like, I'm really starting to level up in a lot of different ways. I'm finally starting to put myself out there.

Liz Moorehead:

I'm really starting to commit myself to you know, I have become a little slashing and burning expert. I'm devoting my energy to this. This is out. And I actually had an argument with a friend of mine recently that I'm gonna get to about this in just a minute saying, you can't just decide. It's like, well, that's really funny, friend, because that just effing did.

Liz Moorehead:

Look at that. It is possible. But when we were having

George B. Thomas:

this converse switch. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

We were having this conversation during our evolved leadership group last week. Your conversation just now reminded me of one of the lot biggest lies I've been telling myself because I've been noticing as I'm starting to move up, I'm feeling more friction. Right? I'm becoming that lobster. Lobster shells don't grow with them.

Liz Moorehead:

They have to periodically break, they go under a rock, they break out of them like Hulk and then grow a new one. It's an incredibly vulnerable painful process. And if they were human beings, we just pump them full of Percocets and be like, it's gonna be okay. Just like lay down for a little bit, you know. So I realized I was starting to get to that point.

Liz Moorehead:

But, of course, leading up to that, I'm like, why does this hurt so much? Why are things suddenly getting harder? Why am I suddenly more afraid? I'm getting everything that I want. I'm getting everything that I want.

Liz Moorehead:

And then finally, Angus Nelson, who is leading this conversation, challenges us to say, what is one belief that is leading to your self sabotage? And I don't know what possessed me to say it out loud, but I did, but I dropped into the chat. I have made so many mistakes and I have hurt so many people. Not intentionally. Like, I don't go out into the world being like, f you guys.

Liz Moorehead:

Right. But I was living a life not beyond my default. I was living in a fear based prison, making a lot of fear based choices. And when that happens, people get hurt. I've apologized to these people.

Liz Moorehead:

I've worked hard to make amends, but I had the big fear of someone's gonna look at me being successful and say I don't deserve it, and maybe they're right. And that was the permission slip I had given myself to stay small, to continue to engage in self sabotaging practices. Because I've noticed I'm now in a space in my life right now, particularly in the past few months where I am genuinely getting everything I want. And it's not that I'm slipping, but I'm not as dialed in. I'm not as there.

Liz Moorehead:

And it's because I'm trying to protect myself. And so I've been trying to run at this particular area of self deception in my life, particularly over the past few weeks. It's why I keep writing about it. It's why I keep talking about it. You know how some people process internally?

Liz Moorehead:

I don't do that. I write. If you would like to know how I'm doing, just read the newsletter. That's usually a pretty big clear indication. I'm always curious.

Liz Moorehead:

You and I will have to talk one day. Like, sometimes an issue will disappear and be like, oh, so that's Liz, are you well? How's it going? Is this a cry for help?

George B. Thomas:

Right.

Liz Moorehead:

The other thing I will say is I had an experience over the weekend that really exemplifies what I was talking about earlier for me in terms of how I struggle with self deception. That little piece about confusion that I wrote is based on a real true Hollywood story. I was on a conversation with a friend of mine and I was really upset about something that had happened the week prior. Like, really I was crying. I was upset.

Liz Moorehead:

I had had a conversation with someone in which I didn't understand what was happening. I felt like I felt like I had triggered something and I didn't have all the facts of the situation, and I kind of ended up on the receiving end of stuff. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know. But I'm gonna go find out.

Liz Moorehead:

Because what was interesting is a friend of mine said, well, what happened? And I said, well, I'm still not quite sure. And he said, well, can you just just tell me the facts? Don't try to editorialize. Just take me through the conversation.

Liz Moorehead:

And periodically, he would just go, well, that's not okay. Okay. That's not okay either. This doesn't make any sense. I'm like, uh-huh.

Liz Moorehead:

He said, how long did this go on for? And I said, about an hour. And he said, what? Liz, I know you. How did this person get 5 minutes beyond what they were doing without you telling them politely but directly to go to hell and then leaving?

Liz Moorehead:

And I said, it's because it's so and so. Probably if it were somebody else, yes. But because it's so and so, I'm not gonna do that. He said you're gonna call me in 2 days because you're clearly still processing, but I'm gonna put it on your calendar. You're going to call me in 2 days, and you're gonna tell me everything that was wrong with what you just said.

George B. Thomas:

Interesting.

Liz Moorehead:

I called him back, and I said, I know you expected me to come on here and tell you the thing I said wrong is that I'm making an exception for this person. I agree and disagree with you. I am fine with having made an exception with this person, but I am clearly at a point where I need to go have a conversation. Because I would not go back and have a do over where I would just say go to hell and leave. I probably would have handled a lot of things differently, but I need to now go have a conversation because I had allowed confusion to become a norm in this particular circumstance.

George B. Thomas:

Mhmm.

Liz Moorehead:

Because I had a fear I was lying to myself. It wasn't that I was being kind. It wasn't that I was trying to, you know, whatever or you know, it was because I was afraid, well, what will happen? If I actually stand up for myself the way I want to stand up for myself, what am I gonna find out? And so I realized I had been choosing comfort over clarity in this particular connection.

Liz Moorehead:

But the thing is is that I don't think either of us are doing very well with the confusion that has been kind of become a norm between us. I don't think either of us are doing really great with it because I've allowed it to persist, because I have turned off the switches where I typically go out and say, hi. We're gonna have a conversation. So you know what I did? George, you would be so proud.

Liz Moorehead:

Friday night, I sent a text, and I said, I promised I would always be direct and honest when I'm not happy. So this is me saying I'm not happy. In fact, I'm quite hurt and confused. Please let me know at your earliest convenience when we can meet in person. I'm happy to work around your schedule.

Liz Moorehead:

We need to talk, but we're going to do this face to face. So we will be talking next weekend. So there's it's an interesting

George B. Thomas:

wait. I can't wait for, like, the part 2 of that. Like, what the heck? That's a cliffhanger right there.

Liz Moorehead:

Oh, yeah.

George B. Thomas:

But, Liz, what's funny is, you know how we're starting to put together quotes, and we're gonna do, like, some graphics with quotes of things that people say? I literally jotted down a note. Comfortable confusion over clarity based on my fears, Liz Morehead.

Liz Moorehead:

Oh, yeah.

George B. Thomas:

How many people live in that space? I'd rather have comfortable confusion than clarity in my life because I'm afraid of x y z, a, b, c, or 123.

Liz Moorehead:

Oh, yeah. It was that moment of, oh, the call is actually coming from inside the house. Yeah. I have set the conditions for confusions to become the norm. We talk a lot about defaults not being good.

Liz Moorehead:

Some of them are good. My default is to run at something. My default is to point at something and say, hi. Excuse me. What is this?

Liz Moorehead:

And I wasn't doing it because I have a fear around whatever this is, and so we're gonna have a conversation about it. And I personally am also very interested to see where it goes. Because what's funny to me is once you start doing the things you said you never were going to do, life starts getting really interesting. Life starts getting really interesting.

George B. Thomas:

Mhmm.

Liz Moorehead:

Because I'm sitting here going, like, if you flip that switch in one area of your life, I turned on one light in this particular conversation that unrolled over the past week or so, and all of a sudden it's given me confidence in other areas to be more direct.

George B. Thomas:

Yep.

Liz Moorehead:

Which I love. Alright. So back in the hot seat, George. What are the methods and practices you recommend for individuals who are looking to gain a more clear or more honest understanding of themselves? Because that was the big point you made.

Liz Moorehead:

Right? You have to go out of your way. You have to push yourself to be self reflective, to see ourselves from that realistic external perspective.

George B. Thomas:

Yeah. Which, by the way, I just want everybody to know as I go through this, this is more of, like, a unrandomized version of what I'm attempting to do and things that I try to keep in mind, then, like, hey. I'm awesome and on the mountain top, and you should know this. That is not what this is. But I would say setting aside regular time for self reflection is key.

George B. Thomas:

Like, we you know it. We we live in a busy world. There's always something to do, something to scroll. There is a way, a lot of ways for us humans to escape. But when you set aside a regular time for self reflection, you can use that time to think about your goals.

George B. Thomas:

More importantly, maybe your values, and maybe even more importantly than that, the behaviors, and find out are your behaviors actually matching your values and your goals and where you're trying to get. Anyway, as yourself, kind of like ask questions like, what are my core values? Or what do I want to achieve in the next year? Getting these focuses can kind of help you align your actions with your true self. I'm purposely pausing there because I feel like there are people out there who have the self that they show everybody, and they have the self that is them.

George B. Thomas:

And too many times we've easily fallen into this lying to ourself or this self deception that you're showing up 80, 70, 95 percent of the time as the self you think they want instead of the self that you are. I might even suggest that you pair this time with the time of meditation and mindfulness. Again, giving your time for this mindfulness and meditation, it'll help you become more aware of your thoughts, maybe more importantly, your feelings. And being, by the way, aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Like, kick that negative guy or gal in your brain that is always telling you the negative things that I kind of started this podcast with that I deal with out of your brain and regularly practice this time of self reflection and mindfulness, I want you to try to start to observe, like, your mental processes because this can really reveal how we as humans often deceive ourselves.

George B. Thomas:

Apps like Headspace or Calm can help guide you through this basic meditation. My personal favorite is actually Headspace. Got it on my phone. Love it to death.

Liz Moorehead:

Double click on that. Love Headspace. That's my favorite.

George B. Thomas:

The next thing that I'm gonna talk about because I think it's important to talk about, I have not historically done this third one, but the further we get into this, boy, I'm really being vulnerable right now.

Liz Moorehead:

Do it. Let the love flow through you.

George B. Thomas:

So listen. I've historically sucked at this. My daughters have even challenged me that I'll probably never do this. But the further we get into this beyond your default journey first of all, I hope people realize that the conversations that we have when we get on this mic are not easy. Anyway, the further we get into this beyond your default journey, the more I'm strongly considering this, and that is spending time with a professional therapist who can help explore my thoughts, your thoughts, my behaviors, your behaviors in a deeper way because an app is great and everything, but a human that is educated on how to extract the things that we need to extract out of our own brains and how to deal with them in a healthy way is pretty huge.

George B. Thomas:

Now I've been over the last, what, 43 episodes, Liz and I have been extracting things out of our brain, and we've been doing the best we can to, like, figure them out and work on them and fix them. But I might be getting to the point where I'm like, you know what? Maybe I just need a pal to talk to, aka a therapist, to unpack and do some more deep digging. If I'm truly trying to show up as what I'm asking others to do, and that is live a life beyond your default or beyond my default, I may need a guide or assistance. Right?

Liz Moorehead:

You know, I wanna throw something out there for you, George, that may be helpful, and it may be helpful for our listeners, particularly those of the entrepreneurial set because I know it's weird. Right? Entrepreneurs, we are often consultants. We are not afraid to be hired as an expert. We are not afraid to we're in coaching classes.

Liz Moorehead:

We are constantly feeding our minds with experts. A therapist is just another kind of expert, my guy. It's just another guy or gal on a board of directors who is an unbiased third party who went to school to understand the brain, how we think, and how we feel. That's really fundamentally all there is to it. And that's one of the reasons I like therapy quite a bit is that I can show up with someone who is not emotionally invested in any of the players of this whole circus, including me to some degree, and I know I will get an unbiased academically backed experienced idea or thought.

Liz Moorehead:

Yeah. And so if you're someone who's out there who's like, well, I can't do therapy. That's for people who need hugs. No. This is just adding to your board of directors as a human being.

George B. Thomas:

Yes. And I think hearing that is great, awesome, helpful. And, again, everything that we've said in the past and I hear other people talk about and have read upon this, because I'm like, really? Do I wanna do this? Do I need this?

George B. Thomas:

I like this idea of it provides me, listeners, if you decide to do this, a safe space to discuss, but more than that, to receive guidance on the issues that we might be dealing with. And, again, I'm I might implement this in my life. I haven't flipped the switch. I haven't made a hard decision, but it's definitely something where I'm like, at 52, it might be time, which is really weird because some might think that, yo, it's too late, bro. But I'm like, nah, maybe not.

George B. Thomas:

Either way, no matter what you as a listener decide what I decide to do to improve our honesty of ourselves, I do want to emphasize that we should be focusing on and I have a hard time with this, but it is something that we need to do. We need to emphasize that we should focus on being kind to ourselves along the way. Listen. It's not if, but when, or you are going to find times that you've deceived yourself, and it might make you mad, rage mad, like frustrated. But the only thing I'm asking of myself and I'm asking of you is when you discover these areas where you've been less than honest to yourself by the way, what we'll talk about less than honest to others next week, but less than honest to yourself, Have some self compassion and treat yourself with the same kindness and understand that you would offer a friend.

George B. Thomas:

Recognize that everyone has flaws. Acknowledge those flaws. Take that first step for improvement and every rest of the step for the journey of growth that we're all on. So, like, just be kind to yourself as you figure out how to navigate this journey or implement things like mindfulness or time or therapy.

Liz Moorehead:

So freaking proud of you.

George B. Thomas:

Thank you.

Liz Moorehead:

I very rarely get to be the one who says that. So I'm just gonna take this moment because well, no. Because I think what you're doing is you're setting a good example. I think so often, you know, what was interesting is and I wrote about it this in that newsletter I wrote last week, beyond your default dot com slash slash newsletter. Often when I would do that practice of what is that one true sentence.

Liz Moorehead:

Right?

George B. Thomas:

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

The truth was very rarely something new. It was very rarely something new. It was something once I said it out loud, I went, oh, yeah. My body in some way has been saying this for days, for weeks, for months, for years. This is not brand new information.

George B. Thomas:

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

But what you did there is the output of that work. Is that so often the reason we self deceive is because there is something unpalatable about saying the truth out loud. It's not that we don't know what the truth is. In some cases, we've got blinders. There's something you're still figuring stuff out.

Liz Moorehead:

You're still growing. Maybe there's some sort of deeper thing. In other cases, the only lie you're telling yourself is just not saying it out loud. You already know what that truth is. So I just wanna point out for our listeners, like, sometimes this is what it takes just to say it out loud.

Liz Moorehead:

This is the truth. This is where we are. This is where we're going. So it's just I loved that.

George B. Thomas:

Thank you.

Liz Moorehead:

I do have a question though. And this is something I fall prey to. So I'm sure when you saw this question, you went fantastic. But this is a question for us. Never.

Liz Moorehead:

I know. This is a question for a friend and by friend, I mean me. Because this is a problem I fall into. Right? There is how do we differentiate between constructive self criticism?

Liz Moorehead:

Right? Where it's like, I should do this. It's time for growth. Let's get your get your ish together. You know, like, boop, boop, boop.

Liz Moorehead:

And harmful self deception. Right? The type where we start telling ourselves the negative stories that do what you were talking about at the beginning of this episode. Where's that line?

George B. Thomas:

Yeah. Actually, believe it or not, this is a great question. I actually saw this, and I was like, oh, I love this question. I'm glad we're going in this direction. So understanding the difference between constructive self criticism and harmful self deception, it's an important piece to unlock and to understand for personal growth or, again, maybe more important, our own personal mental well-being, which, by the way, this question probably leans into the reason that I wanted to do this side of honesty before the normal side of that most people think around honesty is that that's lying to others.

George B. Thomas:

Buddha said there are only 2 mistakes one can make along the road to truth, not going all the way and not starting. Here's how I look at these two items and how I hope this conversation helps the listeners of today's podcast. Constructive self criticism is growth oriented, offering specific feedback aimed at improvement and learning. Now listeners, the keywords there are improvement and learning that I want you to focus on. Constructive self criticism provides actionable insights delivered with, which is why I made a big point a couple minutes ago, self compassion, Acknowledging both our strengths and the weaknesses that we have.

George B. Thomas:

And listeners, I just wanna make sure that you heard that part. Actionable insights delivered with self compassion. So this type of self criticism motivates positive change and leads to progress in our lives, ultimately enhancing self esteem and creating a balanced self view, keyword balanced, of oneself. Because literally at the beginning, I painted the picture of the chasm of ego versus, like, toxic waste dump. On the other hand, harmful self deception involves denying or in many cases, rationalizing away the truth so that you as the human can avoid discomfort or been here, done that, protect your ego.

George B. Thomas:

Maybe, by the way, that the ego that you shouldn't be protecting. Harmful self deception often results in a generalized blame. Oh, it's everybody's fault. Negative emotions, and, honestly, a distorted self view, either inflating abilities that you think you have. And my grandpa's cod is totally coming back to mind where he'd be like, don't let your alligator mouth override your hummingbird butt.

George B. Thomas:

Like, you think you got skills, bro, but I'm gonna I'm about to show you if you don't shut up that you ain't got no skills. God, I miss my grandpa. He had he had some zingers. But this inflated ability or unrealistic idea of who you are or even hand in hand with this, like, diminishing self worth might be what comes out of this. In my opinion, both of those, by the way, that I just talked about are red flag warnings to the fact that you officially are no longer on your beyond your default path.

George B. Thomas:

That's a sharp corner. Shoot. We're in a ditch. We're stuck. This harmful self deception can lead to stagnation or being stuck, decreased self esteem, and a lack of motivation.

George B. Thomas:

Ever been there, listeners? I just can't get motivated. To address and learn from our mistakes. So we need to try to double down, honestly on this constructive self criticism while we're on this growth journey that we're talking about today. To to help grow our constructive self criticism, we all need to practice, again, self compassion by treating ourself with kindness and understanding just as we would any other human being, friend, family, coworker.

George B. Thomas:

We need to get in the habit of, like, seek, I used the word objective, seek objective and valuable feedback. Be careful on this one, though, because sometimes you gotta know the source. It has to be a trusted source, friends, family, coworkers, therapists, so that we can gain a balanced perspective of our strengths and areas for improvement as we move forward. Regular reflection on our actions and decisions, setting realistic goals, and celebrating small successes along the way can help us build this positive feedback loop in our lives, which if you're honest with yourself, if you have to pause this podcast, do it. You might not even need that long.

George B. Thomas:

I want you to ask, do you even have any type of feedback loop in your life at all? And is it a positive feedback loop? Are you listening to the world around you, the people around you, the thing inside of your brain, your core, your consciousness, your little still small voice, like, do you have a feedback loop, or are you just rolling through life? Making sure that we balance criticism with praise will help us maintain a healthy self view while, again, practicing this idea of mindfulness to stay away or stay aware, whichever direction you need to go, of your thoughts and feelings, again, without judgment, keeping us on this path of our journey versus, again, ending up stuck in a ditch along the way, which, by the way, you might have been stuck in the ditch when you picked up this podcast. That might have been the reason.

George B. Thomas:

Like, I just feel stuck. I need something to get me past it. Hey. Let me become a listener of Beyond Your Default. Thoughts?

Liz Moorehead:

You know, I loved what you said there just at the end because because I was about to say something else. But you may have picked up this podcast at a moment, you know, where life got really hard. And we've always been radically honest about our journeys on this podcast. And if it helps to hear, I started recording this podcast with George in an emotional ditch. We put it at 7 in the morning on Mondays partly because it was when we had time and it also made sure that my depressed ass got out of bed and actually would start the week.

Liz Moorehead:

It's not that I wouldn't have shown up for work, but, like, mentally, it forced me. It didn't matter how I was feeling. On Mondays at 7 AM, my butt was out of bed and we were having a conversation. And I was sitting here on this mic having genuine, truthful, sincere conversations with all of you, but often in the fetal position. Sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally, ready to vomit all the time.

Liz Moorehead:

But that's what this is all about. You know, I think we walk around when we see people have informed dialogues the way we're having about life and what it means to pursue it, what it means to break generational patterns, to break habits, to forge new ones. This is painful, bloody work sometimes. And no one you're seeing who is having any of these conversations with any sort of authority isn't in their own way going through the ish. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead:

This is kinda part of the package deal. You know? And so I think what happens is we lie to ourselves and we say, well, everybody else is on this journey, but I'm doing it wrong. I'm different. I even catch myself sometimes when we're talking on this podcast going, am I really even in the position to be having these conversations?

Liz Moorehead:

Confronting yet. Right? But I think we all have that.

George B. Thomas:

Yep.

Liz Moorehead:

We're all walking around thinking everybody's got all this stuff figured out and so we lie to ourselves and say, sure I'm on this journey, but I'm never gonna get there. I'm always gonna be different. There's always gonna be something behind the curtain.

George B. Thomas:

Doesn't have to be.

Liz Moorehead:

Doesn't have to be. The funny thing is it's probably not.

George B. Thomas:

Right.

Liz Moorehead:

Like, anything you have behind the curtain, maybe we have different stuff behind our curtain. Everybody's got a curtain. Everybody's got a few things in their past where it's, like, maybe they talk about it out loud like it's behind them, but it still sometimes haunts them in the present day. They still sometimes go, it's okay. It's okay.

George B. Thomas:

But you know what? One of my favorite movies is 8 Mile. I love 8 Mile because I love where Eminem is like, here's all my ish. Now what you got? If you're willing to be honest enough with yourself that you're honest with the world, what do they got?

George B. Thomas:

You have nothing to hide from because you've said it. It's out there. Now you can literally move forward freely.

Liz Moorehead:

No. I love that because this is what I wrote in yesterday's edition, because I was talking about regrets and how sometimes what will happen is when we have these light bulb moments, all of a sudden we're like, oh, we're too late. I screwed up. They'll never listen. Although, immediately, the negative stories start piling on.

Liz Moorehead:

I wrote, your pain isn't here to rub in your face your missed opportunities and everything you've done wrong. Your pain is trying to tell you this is your do over. This is your second chance. If back then had been the right time, you would have taken action. Mhmm.

Liz Moorehead:

But you weren't ready, now you are. Don't regret that it took you so long to get here wherever that here may be. This journey took exactly as long as it needed to take because you are only standing where you are right now, knowing what you know, feeling what you're feeling, loving who you're loving, and chasing what you're chasing because of every single step you took to get to this moment. So instead of dwelling on everything you should have done, maybe you should ask yourself what makes now the perfect time.

George B. Thomas:

It's funny because, I mean, just racing right to the front of my brain when you were reading that. I can't tell you the amount of times I got asked. So do you wish you would have started your business 5 years earlier? And my response is, like, no. Actually, I don't because that time was the perfect time.

Liz Moorehead:

Oh, yeah. It was all perfectly timed. We're only sitting here on this podcast because of a layover on our way to Frankenmuth, Michigan. Yep. In which we both said to the first time after nobody else other than probably nearest and dearest.

Liz Moorehead:

So I'm thinking of going out on

George B. Thomas:

my own.

Liz Moorehead:

Yeah. And then we were off to the races. But George, I wanna end today's conversation with a flip side of this because we've been kicking over a lot of rocks. We've been kicking over a lot of dirt. So the flip side of this question is what is the benefit you really see of pushing ourselves to be radically honest from within first even and especially when it's uncomfortable?

George B. Thomas:

I love this question because it feels like by asking this question, one might be trying to reach the next level or the highest level on this self honesty conversation in their life. And so, hopefully, the listeners are asking themselves the same question. Obviously, we're gonna answer it. But if you're not ready for it yet, cool. But if you've reached that level, it's like, okay.

George B. Thomas:

Now we're gonna unpack the baggage, which, by the way, you can go back, listen to the episode where we talk about traveling in your life with, like, excessive baggage. Episode 3, believe it or not, way back when, the default, the baggage, the destination, and the importance of the beyond. If you're ready to unpack that baggage around this conversation, then I'm proud of you. So the first thing that I think about when you ask this question is that practicing radical honesty can really boost our personal integrity. Bottom line, when you're radically honest with yourself, your actions align more closely with your true values and beliefs.

George B. Thomas:

Because sometimes our actions are just not aligned with our values and beliefs because we're willing to do things, say things, lie to ourself because of this misalignment. This alignment gives you a greater sense of integrity and self respect. By the way, self respect like, Mario Brothers, you know how you get those little power ups, and all of a sudden he becomes, like, huge Mario? Yep. Self respect is life's power up for you, like Mario's special.

George B. Thomas:

Be because you're you're living consistently with the principles that you wanna follow as you go through this life. It reduces internal conflicts, and it fosters a sense of coherence and purpose in your life, which, by the way, purpose, again, is a massive power up. If you're doing something just to do it versus you feel like it's your purpose to do it and that's why you're on the planet, aka this podcast, this community, this newsletter that, like, this is a thing of purpose. This is why we're willing to go through conversations like today. But what's funny is when you reduce those internal conflicts and you have this, like, power up of purpose, it makes this beyond your default journey way less complicated.

George B. Thomas:

Emotional resilience, Liz, is the next thing that I think of and is another huge benefit of being radically honest. By regularly confronting uncomfortable truths, you literally mentioned earlier in the podcast, by the way, comfortable confusion. By regularly confronting uncomfortable truths, you become more comfortable with discomfort, which, by the way, being comfortable with discomfort is a magical place to get to in your life. Being comfortable with discomfort, which then builds emotional resilience, this ability to kinda handle difficult emotions and situations with honesty. By the way, go back to the story that you were telling about, but we're gonna have a conversation about this.

George B. Thomas:

Mhmm. The ability to handle difficult emotions and situations with honesty reduces the anxiety and stress that come with avoidance and denial. Listeners, what are you avoiding today? What are you denying today? What is that thing for you?

George B. Thomas:

That chasm that you need to get over. Like, facing reality head on can be incredibly liberating, and it promotes a sense of calm and stability in your life. By avoiding and denying, you are causing yourself to live in a life where it's almost impossible to find calm and stability in your life. When you have that in your life, by the way, you're also unlock a better ability to make decisions. And by the way, that's another thing that I think when asking this question about the benefits or what benefits us to be radically honest with ourselves is better decision making.

George B. Thomas:

It's definitely an advantage that you'll notice with radical honesty. Being truthful with yourself gives you clarity and insight. Again, Liz, you mentioned over clarity based on my fears. Right? So being truthful with yourself gives you clarity and insight, helping to see situations more clearly and make more informed decisions.

George B. Thomas:

This helps you evaluate your options. It helps you evaluate your actions without distortions or biases or and watch out for this one, ladies and gentlemen. Wishful thinking leading to more effective and rational choices that you make along the way. In the long run, radical honesty contributes to overall well-being. And by addressing the root causes of your behaviors and attitudes through honest self assessment, you can make sustainable positive changes in your life.

George B. Thomas:

And that's what we're here for on this podcast, by the way. This Beyond Your Default journey is about sustainable positive changes in your life, in our lives. You just need to be able to unlock this ability to have sustainable positive change in your life. Being radically honest with yourself, make sure that you live in alignment with your true self and your true values, enhancing your happiness and your fulfillment along the way. Being honest with yourself helps you feel more true to who you are, which boosts your mental and emotional health.

George B. Thomas:

This leads to a happier and more successful life and a very powerful approach to a journey beyond your default. Being honest with yourself helps you feel more true to who you are. Do you wanna feel more true to who you are? Do you wanna have a happier and more successful life? Do you wanna live a life that has powerful approach to it?

George B. Thomas:

You only can answer those questions. Only only you can answer those questions. So, listeners, I challenge you to give yourself, and, Liz, I'm gonna steal something that you said earlier from the show. Listeners, I challenge you to give yourself a verbal permission slip to not lie to yourself along this journey beyond your default.