Ep 045: A Tribute to Papa Rick with His Three Kids, Josh, Jennie and Nathan

Papa Rick passed away unexpectedly on Feb 1st, 2024.  This episode is our tribute to him. We could fill many hours talking about the impact that our dad had on our lives, but we managed to edit it into a 90 minute episode so we could share it with the world and with the parenting realm that meant so much to him.  We are so grateful to have had our dad for as long as we did and his presence will be missed forever.  We hope this episode serves to shed light on Papa Rick's life, as well as his passing, and honors his memory in the process.  The podcast will live on and we hope you come with us as we navigate a new path forward.  Thank you to each and every one of you who has been with us so far - it means the world to us.

Takeaways

• Family support is crucial during times of grief and can provide comfort and strength.
• Coordinating funeral arrangements can be overwhelming, but dividing tasks and working together can help alleviate the burden.
• Challenges and unexpected events can arise during difficult times, but having a supportive network can help navigate through them.
• The experience of coming together as siblings and working closely after many years apart can strengthen bonds and create a seamless collaboration.
• He had a non-judgmental approach to mistakes and always provided guidance on how to do better next time.
• Dad's curiosity and tinkering nature were evident in his interactions and desire to understand how things worked.
• Reflective conversations about past hurts were possible, showcasing the importance of open dialogue in building healthy relationships. Personal growth is a lifelong journey that involves continuous progress and change.
• Healing and coming together as a family can be a powerful and transformative experience.
• The loss of a loved one brings intense emotions and challenges, but their legacy lives on through shared memories and traditions.
• Family bonds and connections are invaluable, providing support and strength during difficult times.
• Continuing the legacy of loved ones can be achieved through storytelling, traditions, and honoring their memory.
• The podcast serves as a platform for intergenerational discussions and healing, providing hope and inspiration to others.
• Ending on a lighthearted note with a dad joke can bring joy and laughter amidst grief and loss.

Chapters

01:10 Tribute to Dad and Starting the Podcast

03:08 Reuniting After Years Apart

05:05 Growing Up with Dad

06:01 Different Experiences of the Same Parent

07:30 Preparing for the Episode

08:20 Dad's Passing

09:48 Details of Dad's Passing

13:09 Breaking the News to Jennie

24:55 Family Support in Times of Grief

27:30 Coordinating Funeral Arrangements

28:14 The Intense Week of Challenges

32:21 The Support of Loved Ones

38:56  Coming Together as Siblings

45:04 Processing Grief After the Funeral

46:21 Favorite Dad Memories

56:07 Lessons Learned from Dad

58:28 Reflecting on Dad's Perspective

59:01 College Energy Drink Story

01:00:03 Dad's Perspective on Panic

01:00:29 Dad's Calmness in Crisis

01:02:19 Dad's Reaction to Phone Incident

01:03:13 Dad's Response to Party Incident

01:05:16 Dad's Non-Judgmental Approach

01:06:13 Dad's Relational Parenting

01:07:25 Dad's Empathy and Understanding

01:08:24 Dad's Calmness and Curiosity

01:11:15 Dad's Response to Egging Incident

01:15:04 Dad's Calmness in Tornado Situation

01:20:22 Dad's Tinkering and Dad Jokes

01:24:11 Dad's Reflective Conversations

01:28:09 Importance of Open Dialogue

01:29:47 The Journey of Progress and Growth

01:30:43 Healing and Coming Together

01:31:31 The Impact of Loss

01:33:09 Continuing the Legacy

01:34:31 Reconnecting as a Family

01:35:38 Moving Forward and Rebuilding

01:38:18 Carrying on Traditions

01:42:43 Honoring and Remembering

01:43:29 Finding a Path Forward

01:45:29 Continuing the Podcast

01:46:45 A Conversation with Dad

01:47:13 Ending with a Dad Joke


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Happy Parenting and Good Luck Out There!

Creators & Guests

Host

Jennifer Hayes

Host

Rick Hayes

Editor

Natalie Long

What is The Relational Parenting Podcast?

Welcome to the Relational Parenting Podcast! I’m Jennifer Hayes – a Parent Coach and 20 year Childcare Veteran. Each week I sit down with my own father (and cohost), Rick Hayes, and discuss the complicated issues that parents face today, as well as some of the oldest questions in the book. From the latest research and the framework of my Relational Parenting Method, we offer thought-provoking solutions to your deepest parenting struggles.
Relational Parenting is an evidence and experience based parenting method created by me - Jennie. After 20 years in the child care world, in every scenario you could possibly imagine, I realized one thing: EVERYONE was prioritizing the behavior and performance of a child over their emotional well-being. This frustrated me to no end and when I re-visited the latest research, I realized there was a better way. I started applying the principles I'd been learning in my own self-work, parent-child relationships, and partnerships, and I started gobbling up all the new research and books I could get my hands on. When I saw the results of putting these practices into play with the children I was taking care of - the difference in myself AND the kids I worked with was ASTOUNDING.
I am SO PROUD to be presenting Relational Parenting to the world. I can't wait to hear about your own journey. From Parents-to-be to the seasoned parenting veteran - there's something here for everyone!

Nathan (00:00.527)
Thank you.

Jennie (00:05.066)
See, all right there, Josh is recording, Nathan is recording, I'm recording. Did everybody silence your phones?

Josh (00:14.249)
Yep.

Jennie (00:15.711)
No vibrate.

Nathan (00:19.351)
Ahem.

Jennie (00:24.886)
Do I have anything on my teeth? Okay.

Nathan (00:27.125)
Oh, good idea.

Jennie (00:30.134)
We're recording now, so sorry, Natalie. I forgot that we were recording. All right, okay. All right, all right, all right, here we are. Episode one without dad.

Nathan (00:31.466)
That's why I keep all that in.

Jennie (00:45.322)
Alrighty, welcome back everybody to the Relational Parenting Podcast. I'm here this week with my two brothers, Nathan and Josh. Nathan is my younger brother. Josh is my older brother. Say hi, you guys.

Nathan (01:04.194)
Hi, you guys. I'm Nathan.

Josh (01:04.455)
Bye.

I'm Josh.

Jennie (01:10.333)
Amen. And yeah, you guys are joining me today because we wanted to do a tribute episode to Dad before I felt I was capable of continuing the podcast without him, given that we started it together.

did all of the things together. So thank you both for being here and helping me with this.

Nathan (01:40.151)
uh, checked in the mail room.

Jennie (01:44.611)
Nobody so far gets paid to do any of this. We have a Patreon for anyone who would like to donate. We're also looking for sponsors. So no, there's no check in the mail.

Josh (01:45.323)
Mine is yours, not Nathan's.

Nathan (01:47.033)
Yeah.

Nathan (02:00.474)
All right, see you guys.

Jennie (02:01.469)
I'm sorry.

Jennie (02:04.85)
Um, yeah, why don't you, Nathan, why don't you go first? Why don't you just tell people a little bit about yourself?

Nathan (02:14.174)
My name is Nathan, I am 30... 3.

Jennie (02:19.414)
I'm sorry.

Nathan (02:23.702)
We live, we're just south of you in Colorado. We're in Colorado Springs. And we just moved back out here from Pennsylvania, my wife and I, and our two dogs. And yeah, we're just excited to be back close. And Josh, you're gonna be out here soon and we're getting the band back together.

That's about all there is to me.

Jennie (02:46.122)
Right? After how many years have we all 15, 17 years that we haven't, since we were teenagers, since Josh, I guess even longer than that, since Josh went to college. The three of us haven't.

Nathan (02:51.169)
Uh-huh.

Josh (02:59.423)
2004, 20 years.

Nathan (02:59.434)
Yeah, there's just like summers in.

Jennie (03:02.45)
Almost 20 years since we've all like lived anywhere near each other.

So this will be the first time in 20 years that we're all within an hour and a half and in the same state.

Nathan (03:15.67)
Yeah, come this summer.

Cool beans.

Jennie (03:19.41)
What about you, Josh? What does your life look like?

Josh (03:23.007)
Well, my life is looking on the up and up. Can't wait to be in Colorado here in a few months, come June and just what I've been doing to get things ready in the meantime. But yeah, I've been in Texas now since, oh yeah, by the way, hi, I'm Josh, 38 and living here in Texas now officially, let's see, 2012, so 12 years. And...

Yeah, got two kids, beautiful wife, a dog and a cat and Texas has been great, but yeah, life happens and, uh, where we thought we'd retire, uh, has become our point of selling and to a better place to where we will officially retire in life in the longterm and be near family in Colorado. So we're stoked and, uh, so are the kids and yeah. And other than that, uh, ready to, uh,

Nathan (03:53.686)
Sorry about that.

Nathan (04:18.483)
Ahem.

Josh (04:22.543)
move forward in life and share some of the dad experiences to help anyone who's looking at relational parenting watching the podcast. So glad to be a part of it.

Jennie (04:37.034)
And Josh, you have two kids and I have my first on the way. There's baby Kaya is, we're seven months along now. And Nathan, you guys don't have kids. Just by choice. Not announcing some personal medical thing.

Nathan (04:52.179)
Yeah, rub it in.

Josh (04:54.439)
Here's a dog. Here's two.

Nathan (04:56.418)
I'm not going to end it. Yeah.

No, no,

Josh (05:02.604)
I'm sorry.

Jennie (05:05.814)
So we're all in different ages and stages of our parenting journey. But yeah, so yeah, so this, we're just starting off with, we just wanted to start off and tell stories about dad and share what it was like growing up with him as a father. And we also wanted to touch on a topic that's actually even

parenting related, which is that every child, even in the same family, grows up with a different parent even when that parent is the same person. So our dad, you know, was the same person. He was all of our dad, all of our, each of our dad. I don't know how to say that. Yeah. And

Nathan (05:58.091)
Nailed it.

Jennie (06:01.63)
So he was dad to all of us, but our experience of him as a father varies just because like we've said before on the podcast, every child's gonna require a different version of you as a parent because children are unique. And I think dad played that role with each of us as well. So I'm also just realizing.

We're gonna cut this next part. I'm also just realizing that I had you guys all prepared with your stories and I forgot mine. Ha ha ha.

Josh (06:40.524)
Hehehehehehe

Nathan (06:41.558)
I mean, I'm not, I have a note on a piece of paper that says tornado story.

Jennie (06:47.066)
Yeah, I'm just, I'm, I had, cause I shared like, I think like three little snippets of stories. And I didn't even, I was so focused on making sure you guys were ready that I didn't actually pick one. So just give me a second. And this is the best part is that I get to cut all of this out. It's just gonna look like one seamless conversation. Yeah, the cloud.

Nathan (06:52.078)
Ahem.

Nathan (07:12.458)
Wasting film.

Josh (07:15.243)
Let me get the music.

Jennie (07:20.215)
Umm...

Nathan (07:21.794)
Perfect, that's really helpful.

Jennie (07:23.122)
It's not. Please stop.

Jennie (07:30.583)
So that, let's see.

Jennie (07:37.56)
one of us. Okay.

Nathan (07:38.78)
Ahem.

What happened to Dad?

Nathan (07:46.476)
This is how I'm gonna get through it. This is how this is how I'm gonna get through the whole thing

Jennie (07:46.622)
We should actually... no, that's okay.

Josh (07:48.275)
You didn't hear?

Jennie (07:51.134)
We should actually touch on that. And I meant to touch on that because I shared very, very little on social media and or on the last episode, just like the snippet where I kind of announced to everybody that we were on a hiatus momentarily. So, dad was 65 years old and he,

was living in Illinois with his partner, Judy. And he had a heart attack. We don't know why. We have theories, lifestyle, whatever. But he was home, family history, yeah. But he was home with

Nathan (08:42.806)
family history.

Jennie (08:51.01)
that night, January 31st, and was in the recliner and was just there just watching TV and he was kind of snoozing in and out. And Judy then heard him making some odd noises and making some odd movements that concerned her. And she tried to wake him up and he wouldn't respond. And so she then...

called 911 and did CPR until an ambulance got there where EMTs took over life-saving procedures, got him in an ambulance to take him to the hospital and correct me, cause Judy just told me this story not that long ago. She said that they could find a mild pulse, a very weak pulse in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, but then he pretty quickly

passed away, they couldn't resuscitate him in any capacity. Yeah. So he passed.

Nathan (09:57.578)
I hadn't heard the part about having a pulse, but...

Jennie (10:01.518)
Yeah, she just, we had a random phone conversation, like a week ago, and she recounted the story. It was the first time I'd heard the story from her. I'd only heard it from the two of you. And yeah, so she...

Nathan (10:13.221)
Okay.

Jennie (10:23.038)
I mean, bless her for everything that she went through trying to help and save him and then losing him. And I mean, the trauma of that, having to try to resuscitate the person that you're in a relationship with. But yeah, so he passed away just after midnight on February 1st. And it is now...

Nathan (10:26.698)
Yeah, she's been through it.

Jennie (10:53.31)
March 8th, so we've been, so we all found out, you guys found out that night. My husband and my phone were on Do Not Disturb, so we did not wake up to the phone calls, which is odd, because I had been having for weeks leading up to this, I had been having these thoughts of like,

Nathan (11:01.692)
and

Jennie (11:20.646)
You've had your phone on Do Not Disturb for years at night so that, you know, all the notifications and emails and dumb stuff that pops up doesn't vibrate and wake you up. Like what if something happens to somebody and like you need to answer a call in the middle of the night?

Nathan (11:36.331)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (11:37.862)
and I hadn't changed that habit, but anyway.

Nathan (11:42.582)
Well, that's, yeah, similarly, I always have my phone on silent and that was the one night, like ever, that I forgot to put it on. And so I got the call from Josh. My philosophy on that has always just been, you know, if you miss a call, even a tragic call like that, you know, I guess my justification or whatever, it's just like, you know, it doesn't change anything, you know.

Jennie (11:52.319)
Hmm.

Jennie (12:08.947)
Yeah.

Nathan (12:11.158)
But anyway.

Josh (12:13.011)
In reality, it was a good thing that your film was silenced on Do Not Disturb, Sis, because that gave us a chance to kind of go about breaking the news to you, because it was breaking our hearts, so we couldn't both be there in person. But I was happy Nathan was there to be able to be up there, and we could run it by Lewis on how to break the news and ease it in, which there's really no easing it in. But that way, we had a little bit of coordination, and being with the baby and everything, we were just, it was a good thing to be able to.

Nathan (12:30.284)
ahem

Josh (12:42.335)
kind of work our way through those concerns and do the best that we could help you through that morning, because that's the hardest thing to ever wake up to. And I know, because when I got the call from Judy that night, right at a little before, when I was right after midnight, yeah, that was one of the things that, you know, making those calls was the hardest and longest night I've ever had to do. So, it hits everyone different. I'm just...

Nathan (13:07.231)
Yeah.

Jennie (13:09.15)
Who all did you call, Josh? Did you call mom and Steve and then Nathan and?

Josh (13:14.307)
Yeah, we called Mom and Steve, Nathan and Rob and Judy, back and forth with Rob and Judy for a good long while that night. And then Mom and Steve, of course, their phones were actually on a vibrate, but we finally got through to them and I was glad they picked up. And then, yeah, talking to Nathan after that, you know, that was difficult. Nathan kind of went into one-on-one mode and then...

Um, it was just, uh, going from there to, you know, how are we going to let Jenny know? And I can't get ahold of her or Louis, but we left some numbers and text messages and I'm sure we'll hear from him soon enough. And the next morning I did and we worked our way through it all.

Jennie (13:57.794)
no missed calls so nobody tried to get a hold of me I think you guys were adamant about getting a hold of Lewis first.

Josh (14:04.647)
Actually, your phone went straight to voicemail. I couldn't get a ring out of your phone. I do remember that. And then, yeah. Yeah.

Nathan (14:04.792)
Yeah.

Jennie (14:10.454)
I wonder if that's the do not disturb thing. Yeah.

Nathan (14:12.75)
Probably. But either way, I think our main mission after we had 10 seconds to think about it was like, I got the news broken over the phone in the middle of the night, just like you did, Josh. Not that there's a good way, just like you said earlier, but if I had a choice, I'd rather somebody show up that I love and care about, tell me in person and have that moment. And so I think we...

collectively kind of thought that and thought that was the best especially since you know You and dad have been doing this and your guys's relationship has just been so much closer And I don't want to speak for you Josh Then I think either of us, you know in the last, you know year or so or a couple years

Jennie (15:04.326)
Yeah, I think especially with the podcast, it just kind of naturally gave us more FaceTime together and we had this, this like project we were working on weekly. So we were definitely in, in communication a lot more often. Um, but yeah, so you guys, you guys found out first and then, um, you guys.

Nathan (15:05.739)
and

Nathan (15:16.738)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (15:32.894)
got ahold of Lewis. And I remember, I woke up and Lewis, Lewis had like been in another room. And are your kids okay, Josh? We can always pause if you need to go check on them.

Josh (15:53.095)
I better pause for just a second. Yeah, some, yeah, no, Xander's on his mode or something. Be right back.

Nathan (15:56.926)
No, this is your opportunity. Knock it off, you two!

Jennie (16:13.447)
remember where we are so that we don't

Nathan (16:15.542)
Okay. I didn't know how much detail you wanted to go into with.

Jennie (16:20.99)
I mean, people, I think orienting people, I mean, I didn't have a plan. I wanted to say like something like how he passed, but I think this is good. I think that us talking through.

Nathan (16:21.442)
with all that.

Jennie (16:38.718)
that experience together makes it more real for people.

Jennie (16:47.574)
So we were at, I just want to write this down real quick, waking up. Louis. Um.

Nathan (16:53.73)
I love the glistening sword point in the background. Yeah.

Jennie (17:00.126)
The what? Oh, his samurai swords.

Something is so funny. I don't hear any screaming. Hopefully he's utilizing some relational parenting skills. Oh!

Nathan (17:13.197)
Right.

Jennie (17:16.149)
where he muted himself.

Nathan (17:17.566)
Yeah, he's got him by the scruff of the neck. I can see it now.

Jennie (17:22.514)
Right?

Nathan (17:22.638)
I'm gonna be done with the crown.

I'm gonna go see right now.

Jennie (17:27.733)
I'm sorry.

Nathan (17:35.317)
Oh.

Nathan (17:41.492)
Ahem.

Jennie (17:43.738)
All good? I don't know why my voice did that!

Josh (17:43.903)
kids, being kids. Yeah, all good now.

Josh (17:50.571)
thought would be funny. I'm like it's not funny. So Lisa, oh that was Lisa giving her brother a hard time and then trying to help and calm him down. She started wrestling out in the main area then put the TV on for him. When I'm like no he give him his iPad he can watch TV upstairs and of course she's like why didn't know and there's a drink for him yes we remember this one oh yeah okay let's try this again. So went there and I'm like come go to his

Jennie (17:50.622)
Um...

Nathan (17:55.979)
What was not funny?

Josh (18:20.555)
upstairs and you talk to him and then they, and Xander responds to everything. I mean, he has a slew of new words now too, but we got him upstairs. He just walked right on up, took his drink, took his iPad and he's like, okay, and then, uh, Lisa followed him and was like, stay upstairs and enjoy yourselves for the next 45 minutes. When I'm done, we'll go to the park. So I'm like,

Jennie (18:27.968)
Oh, looks so good though.

Nathan (18:37.577)
No.

That's something you've been mentioning is like he's been really more responsive, like appropriately responsive and like communicative.

Josh (18:47.796)
Yeah.

And he knows when he does wrong too and hides under the blanket or somewhere, runs away, runs on the couch and puts a pill up like, and makes his noise. And then we're like, it's a, how you approach them on stuff. But you know, there's some things that we have to get really quick on with him. And that's if he like throws his iPad on the ground or something major, which is not, it's pretty rare nowadays, but. iPad.

Jennie (19:17.906)
He has an iPhone.

Josh (19:22.459)
Yeah, and then Lisa likes to wrestle when they play and then it gets too much then he gets, you know upset and then uh, just Oh, yeah, I know imagine that but the trampoline is the best thing for him in the swing, so

Jennie (19:28.874)
They wrestle?

Jennie (19:35.31)
Yeah.

Nathan (19:36.759)
nice.

Jennie (19:37.898)
gives them that good sensory input and release.

Nathan (19:40.087)
Yeah.

Josh (19:40.091)
Yep, and the scooter, and the scooter. He loves to ride the scooter.

Jennie (19:47.026)
Um, well, so I, I just jotted down where we were. Um, so I'm just going to pick back up real quick. Um, so I, I woke up that morning thinking it was any other day. I didn't have any calls or texts on my phone. Um, which I later found out was a well coordinated plan by everyone. And, uh,

Nathan (19:52.563)
Oh, eh.

Josh (19:54.003)
Perfect.

Nathan (20:11.274)
Yeah, it's a conspiracy.

Jennie (20:15.578)
And you guys had called Louis that was a Louis woke up to many missed calls. And he went in the other room to call you guys back. And then of course you told him the news. Um, but I, when I woke up, he was just, he was not in bed. He was in a different room, which is very unusual because usually, um, you know, he has a routine, he gets up, he goes in the bathroom, closes the door.

does his like morning getting ready stuff and then he takes the dogs and goes downstairs and starts the day while I kind of wake up slowly. So hearing him come out of a door in the house that I was like, why was he in his office? Like, that's weird. Like first thing in the morning. So I asked him, I said, I was like, hey, what's going on? And he was like, oh, nothing. I was just on the phone with Bird, one of his friends. And I was like.

Oh, I was like, you know, how's he doing? And he was giving me these like one word, like he was just acting very, you know, he was just trying to like, keep it together. Uh, and you're just like, fine. I was like, you're a storyteller. This isn't normal.

Nathan (21:16.145)
Yeah.

Nathan (21:19.822)
Mm-hmm. Ahem.

Nathan (21:27.39)
Yeah, we remember, I remember when we talked to him and we were like, you know, we really don't wanna put you in a spot, you know, where you have to be deceptive or anything like that. We were concerned about that. We didn't wanna make it, you know, a worse situation than it already was.

Jennie (21:40.885)
Yeah.

Jennie (21:48.01)
No, I don't think you did. I think a past version of me, maybe a non-pregnant version of me, and or, I don't know, would have been offended or felt left out or whatever. But

Jennie (22:16.382)
There's, whether it's personal growth on my part through, because Lewis is a very, he's a very protective husband. I'm, you know, we didn't meet till we were in our thirties and I've been a very independent person. And growing up with just brothers, I was always very like, I had a lot of pride around being able to handle myself and take care of myself. And

Nathan (22:27.853)
And then.

Nathan (22:44.194)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (22:44.35)
I don't need anything from anybody. And even, I mean, Louis early on in our relationship, we had to work through some stuff because it was like, I don't need you to take care of me and blah, blah. Anyway, but all I felt that morning was very well taken care of and very cared for because I knew you guys were also very concerned about me being pregnant and the stress of that coupled with getting this news.

Nathan (23:12.535)
Right.

Jennie (23:14.542)
Um, so anyway, so, you know, Lewis made the call to, um, let me get up and start getting ready for the day. Cause mornings are really hard for me anyway. Um, and so he, he wanted me to like kind of get up and get dressed and get ready as if I was going to work. Um, and then he was going to tell me, and then there was a coordination also, like I had to.

Nathan (23:27.839)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (23:44.75)
He had to tell me in time for me to be able to call off work with reasonable notice and was trying to wait for you, Nathan, to get here from Colorado Springs. Because you were trying to get up here in person to be here to tell me. But we got a little too close to my time to leave for work.

Nathan (23:55.507)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Josh (23:58.088)
A lot of variables and timing.

Nathan (24:00.66)
Right, yeah.

Jennie (24:13.118)
So Lewis then had to tell me on his.

Nathan (24:15.262)
Yeah, which I think is probably, I mean, not to speak for you, but I'm sure that was probably best anyway to kind of give you a moment to let that sink in because we both kind of had that on our own. To, you know.

Jennie (24:28.462)
Yeah, yeah. And we, like our three dogs were very, I mean, two of our dogs are 10 and have been with me for many years and are both highly in tune with my emotions. Like if I cry about anything for any reason, one of them is like, he's like goes and barks at the wind, like he's like barking for help. Like mom's upset, like what do we do? And

Nathan (24:55.54)
Yeah.

Jennie (24:58.414)
Um, so we had, we had kind of a, a family moment where the dogs were like, they're like, what's wrong with mom? Like, and I mean, Lewis was crying too. Like we were crying and on the couch together and the dogs were literally like climbing in between us up onto our laps, like trying to like, like take care of us and figure out what was wrong. And so we had kind of like a five bodied, like a hug cry session with our dogs.

Nathan (25:15.466)
Right, yeah, they're perceptive.

Nathan (25:23.918)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (25:29.087)
Um, and... What was that?

Nathan (25:36.718)
Tan, Tan's doing our taxes right now and she needed one moment. Sorry.

Jennie (25:39.065)
Oh.

Jennie (25:42.906)
Okay. It's okay.

Nathan (25:48.558)
Don't you know I'm recording?

Jennie (25:48.63)
I'm doing our taxes tomorrow.

Josh (25:54.643)
Yeah, I'm glad I'm done with taxes for the year now. Fingers crossed I drink some of them. Ahem.

Jennie (26:01.03)
Should have done them a month ago, so the money we would get our return earlier, but we have our fingers crossed for a fat return so that we can pay off our doula.

Josh (26:14.331)
Uncle Sam, hopefully we'll be nice to you. Uncle Sam was not so nice to us, but was very nice to dad, so that'll help cover some of that. So funny how that works out. But yeah.

Jennie (26:23.074)
Mm, yeah. Yeah.

Jennie (26:28.582)
It should be, because we're technically... Well.

Yeah, technically we're a one income household, so.

I should be getting, no, we do. I'll tell you, I'll tell you more later.

Josh (26:40.197)
Y'all filed jointly.

Josh (26:47.327)
Cool.

Jennie (26:51.166)
So yeah, so then.

Nathan (26:53.89)
Sorry, she thought we were recording at four.

Jennie (26:58.39)
It's okay.

Nathan (27:00.942)
It's okay, I killed her. She won't come back, yeah, she's gone.

Jennie (27:02.826)
She's gone now. She's dead now. So yeah, and then, so then I called, obviously called off work. My employer was, I work privately for, as a nanny. So they were very, the mom called me back and was crying and was just like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like take whatever time you need. And then about 20 minutes later, Nathan, you got up here and we had.

Nathan (27:30.047)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (27:31.506)
So, yeah, so I think that, cause if I hadn't gotten up out of bed, gotten dressed, like gotten kind of ready for the day, I don't know that I would have had the strength to, like after getting that news and then trying to coordinate plans with you guys, cause then it was all about, you know, who's flying home.

are, you know, who's driving who, like, how are we all getting to Illinois because we are next of kin? Um, so that whole, um, burden of arrangements and things fell on us. And to be fair, mostly fell on Josh.

Nathan (28:14.834)
Yeah, Josh was the point man for like all of this.

Josh (28:16.959)
I was going to say this, that was, that, uh, just started the epic adventure of that. And it fell on a week for everybody with everything that happened from the skunk tails to Jen, your car accident on the way up, um, and you and, uh, Kristen and the raccoon fight and then, um, my car issues and then Nathan and Tom almost didn't a skunk. And I mean, it was just like, what else can happen in this week? And, uh, yeah.

Nathan (28:26.407)
Ahem.

Josh (28:46.195)
It was intense for everybody. At one point I was just like, how much time can I take off? I need to call and I was, you know, all you could do was kind of react. There was barely any time to be proactive because every time we were doing something, something else was happening. And I'm just like, good Lord God, what more can you fit in this day, let alone weeks? So we just worked through it though, as we could, but man, that week will be a, we'll be telling stories about that week for the rest of our lives.

Jennie (28:53.801)
Yeah.

Jennie (29:21.518)
Yeah, that, so February 1st, we all woke up to that news. And then...

I got on the road with Kristen six hours later to head home. And then she and I were in a major car accident in Kansas. And I was 20, almost 25 weeks pregnant at that point. And we were, it was a whole, it was a whole, we rolled the car.

ambulance, fire trucks, transported, ER, fetal monitoring overnight, fiasco, how are we getting home? Are we going to continue on to Illinois? All the things. I've never been in a car accident. That was my first one. And it was a hell of a one to be in while pregnant on the same day that my dad died. So I just kept telling.

Nathan (30:06.64)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (30:24.414)
Everybody, I was like two of my absolute worst fears, a parent dying and getting in a car accident while pregnant, like were top of my list of like just lifelong fears happened in the same, like within 14 hours of each other. But everybody was okay. We got back to Colorado, decided that we were not.

Nathan (30:34.414)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (30:53.214)
going to continue driving another 10 hours or whatever that I needed to be home. And thank goodness, because as soon as I got home, the next day, all three of our dogs were sick. Well, it was like one dog, and then the next day, the next dog, and then the next day, the next dog. All got...

Yeah, stress-induced Giardia. So then we were taking dogs to the vet all week and trying to help you guys with funeral arrangements and writing obituaries and all of those things.

Nathan (31:24.887)
Yeah.

Josh (31:29.967)
Oh yeah, Lewis's car. You just remember Lewis's car died and you're having to shop for a new one too. More with the car stuff.

Jennie (31:34.326)
Louis's car died. So we were, so it was like, do we pay the thousands of dollars to fix it or do we just buy a new car? Like it was, like you said, Josh, it was literally everything everywhere all at once that could be going wrong, like major.

Josh (31:50.943)
Yeah.

Nathan (31:53.059)
as dad would say Murphy's rule, Murphy's law.

Josh (31:55.856)
Yep. Murphy's Law.

Jennie (31:56.346)
Murphy's law. Yeah. But we also had that whole week, people in our lives, lives just completely surround us, and help us and show up in ways that

Jennie (32:21.374)
you would feel weird asking for people just, or just there.

Nathan (32:26.666)
Well, yeah, you can't even think to ask, you know, and those kind of things.

Josh (32:30.431)
Yeah, I was shocked to see and hear people last minute the day before the celebration of life. Some of the buds I knew growing up in college that had moved out of state, you know, states over, and they were on their way. I'm like, holy shit. I was surprised to hear and see they were coming, and then a couple of them surprised me just showing up there.

I didn't even recognize one of them. He had changed so much and I went until I looked closer at him and Carmen was like, hey, look at that. And I'm like, yeah, I know. I see the, the altar looks pretty good. I like how they did the deck. No, look at that. And she took me a few, her a few times. I turned around and there's Josh Dye right next to Logan. I didn't recognize Josh at first. Then I'm like, wait a minute, that's Josh Dye. Uh, then seeing everybody, John, Katie coming from, uh, Chicago and Logan and his dad and Josh from Nashville. And.

I mean, it's just the pouring of people coming in from all over. So it was very much needed to help with that. Couldn't have had a better turnout and a better celebration, I think, after it all came together in the end. But it's just one of those times where it's like, okay, I need another week now, just to process, you know, once you get back home. But getting back home after that, at least for me, it was the biggest help in routines and being able to process. And.

Nathan (33:26.452)
Yeah.

Jennie (33:43.766)
Oh, yeah.

Josh (33:53.107)
work through stuff. So that, but that week was every day getting up and doing a plan and trying to figure things out and time it and then be most effective to getting stuff done. And meeting up later on was a challenge. When the going thing was, you know, dad got out of moving again, we got to move all this stuff was like third or fourth time. And he was in everything he had was in a different city.

He had stuff in Decatur, stuff in Bloomington, Mason City, Springfield. And we're driving all around doing all this stuff like, all right, where are we going to today? Where are we starting first at? And where are we gonna set up HQ at? Judy's over the weekend, mom's during the weekday. Just it was always an adventure every single day getting that stuff together. But the running joke was he was sitting up there with Lisa and yet a common mom and his sister and they were laughing at us because he.

Jennie (34:22.095)
Hehehehe

Nathan (34:29.389)
Thank you.

Nathan (34:41.654)
Hmm

Josh (34:48.903)
got out moving again and he's watching us go through all this turmoil trying to get all his shit squared away and I think especially going through that storage locker, Nathan, that was a little fun. And I didn't even get to partake in all of that. You did the majority of that right before I got there.

Nathan (35:03.09)
Yeah, we all had our duties, right? You did a lot of the, well, a lot, period. And, you know, you were handling a lot of financial stuff and paperwork and this and that. And I picked things up and I put them down. We all have our strengths.

Josh (35:21.295)
everybody handled what they were good at. That's all you could do. Speaking of which though you brought up a good point if there's two takeaways from going through all this for anybody who's listening, write down your password somewhere or get a piece of software to use for that. Highly recommend and a will can actually help a lot too. Yep. Simplifies everything.

Nathan (35:37.994)
Yeah. Wheels and passwords. Keys to human existence.

Jennie (35:45.066)
Yeah.

We, yeah, Nathan, Nathan is, you're still trying to get into some of his, yeah, phone and laptops and stuff like that.

Nathan (35:52.19)
Yeah, I got my, you know, my dad workstation over in the corner.

Nathan (35:58.606)
Um, yeah, which is kind of ironic because I'm like, probably of, of all of us, the most analog type person, like low tech, you know, like setting this whole setup, you know, for the podcast was hilarious. And I don't know. And now I'm trying to hack into, I have a lot of help. It's not me doing most of it, but trying to hack into these, these types of things and navigate that dad be cracking up.

Jennie (36:20.956)
Yeah.

Jennie (36:25.62)
Yeah.

Nathan (36:27.714)
You're like, why didn't you listen to me all those years? This is easy.

Jennie (36:33.226)
Well, and he, dad was, had his own version of organization that was very scattered for anyone else from the outside looking in.

Josh (36:41.331)
It was called Pure Chaos. Chaos Organization.

Nathan (36:43.026)
Yeah.

Jennie (36:44.821)
Yeah.

But if you ask him where all his passwords were, he'd be like, oh, right here.

Josh (36:50.587)
Yeah, it could pull the one piece of paper knowing where it's at out of a bundle and pile of papers on the corner on top of a desk instead of a drawer and know exactly where it was at.

Nathan (36:53.89)
Yeah.

Jennie (37:00.914)
I have the same version of organization, but I've, I've adapted in my life to make it look organized on the outside. Like if you walk into my office, you'd be like, Oh, this is a nice clean organized office. That things it doesn't. Uh, well, maybe there's just like a pile right here.

Nathan (37:15.954)
Yeah. Does your office have a Monica closet?

Nathan (37:25.662)
Yeah.

Jennie (37:26.738)
junk. I have like one small pile on the floor that's just like, I'll go through that someday. Yeah, this is my, this is my ADHD joy pile.

Nathan (37:30.391)
Yeah.

Nathan (37:33.878)
That's the pile that brings you joy.

Nathan (37:39.426)
Yeah, yeah, it was interesting. I mean, if you would have you unfortunately couldn't be there. Selfish, but yeah, it was it was scary. I think you would have identified with a lot of his organizational skills. I know I did when we were just like going through things. You know, it was it was a million things at once, but it was definitely like, you know,

Jennie (37:49.53)
In a major cataract, it's fine.

Nathan (38:05.526)
Oh God, this is going to be me at 65 or this is me. It's like, you know, anyway, it was, it was interesting to see a lot of the similarities and, and it was like nice and awful at the same time. Yeah. It's like, is this what Tom, is this what my wife puts up with? I'm the worst. I'm the bad roommate.

Jennie (38:19.062)
terrifying. They're like, oh god, is this where I'm headed? Yeah.

Josh (38:26.804)
Haha

Jennie (38:31.962)
I'm the bad roommate. Yeah. So we, so, so yeah, so that week, I mean, was terrible for, for so many reasons and in so many ways, but I think we can all agree and we've all kind of touched on this in the interim conversations that we've had of like.

The three of us having to work together that closely for the first time, I mean, for the first time inside of tragedy, but for the first time since we were kids and would come up with dumb ideas to go out on our bicycles and do together. This is the first time that we, like we've all been, you know, growing up and going through our own evolutions and growth and life and finding our spouses and.

Nathan (39:00.791)
Yeah.

Jennie (39:24.682)
starting our families and all of these things. And this is kind of the first time where we were really forced to come back together. Not forced, like we've always had friendly relationships. Um, right. Spent holidays together, things like that. But we weren't like, we didn't like call each other weekly or monthly or like check in on each other semi-regularly. You know?

Nathan (39:39.246)
Merry Christmas again.

Jennie (39:54.47)
Um, we were all just in our own separate worlds a lot. And this brought us to this place of like having to work together. And I, and we, it was like, for me, it was seamless. There wasn't, it's like, we didn't skip a beat. It just was like, like a vortex of just like, we've got to do this. Let's go.

Nathan (40:15.087)
We were all just super supportive, it felt like to me at least.

Jennie (40:19.07)
And we each knew our role. Like Josh was like, this is mine. I'm taking this. Nathan was like, I'm going to do this. And I was like over here in Colorado. And I was like, all right, Leo, like, what can I do?

Nathan (40:22.83)
Mm-hmm.

Josh (40:30.427)
Hahaha.

Nathan (40:30.667)
Yeah, no, we did a good job. You know, Josh, definitely. I think the biggest thing you're guilty of is like. Trying to take everything on like that was your biggest, like weakness in, in all of this is, yeah, is trying to just be the do it all. And I remember, you know, us, us having a couple of conversations about, dude, you got to delegate some of this stuff. I was like, you know, I, again, I pick things up and I put them down, but it's like.

Jennie (40:40.822)
Yeah, the big brother protective.

Nathan (40:58.914)
Finally, we all kind of reached a point where it's like, yes, you have to do this or do these two things or do these two things so we can get this stuff accomplished. But yeah, I agree. It was pretty seamless. We were all just there, ready to help, troops hitting the ground kind of thing, bonding, rebonding through re-trauma kind of thing.

Josh (41:22.571)
And it took a couple of days once we got out there just to be able to know, even for me, the load and what it was that we had to go through, what frame of time it was going to take. Because we had, the challenge was we had to get everything done that week so that way we could tackle it from a distance, everything else. Because we're all in different states and it would just be too much to be able to go back and forth and very costly. That week was a very high cost.

Nathan (41:22.882)
Yeah.

Nathan (41:31.338)
Right. First rodeo with this.

Nathan (41:41.591)
Mm-hmm.

Josh (41:50.587)
as it was financially in life and for everybody, everything goes happening. So trying to coordinate a strategic plan, timing, getting it all together, and then how we're going to go about it every day. And then who we delegate what to. Within the first couple of days, that was pretty much my main function at Judy's and coordinating with you all. And I think by Monday, we had a pretty good.

Malformation of everything where we were at staying ahead Nathan we accomplished. I still don't know how we did it that weekend I mean we were we knew what we needed to do and I think it worked In a good way for us to work through stuff as we cleared out his stuff from Judy's but by Monday With that done and being able to go to moms we were able to say hey Jen you can help with this running the obituaries taking care of this and doing that from a distance and then you know home conference in each day and

Jennie (42:43.402)
I did logistical funeral announcement things to make sure all the plans were in place and the flowers were going to be there and the obituary and pamphlets and all of that. That's what I could do.

Nathan (42:45.506)
Yeah.

Josh (42:46.944)
Yeah, funeral stuff.

Nathan (42:49.974)
Yeah.

Josh (42:59.835)
Yeah, I took a load off and then that way Nathan with the truck helped with carrying, transporting some of the bigger stuff we needed to do. And then I had my Jeep there so we could divide and conquer where we needed to and then tag team it where we needed to. And it was able to get a lot more done even amid skunks and car engine issues and workshops and all that. So in the end though, it all came together.

literally the day before and then I hit a point where I'm like, all right, it was not done. Well, oh well, it is as it is, it's as good as it gets. So we managed to get it all done from a distance and then, you know, since then, somehow or another, we've managed to, I've gotten all the paperwork side wrapped up. We've had our conferences over the phone each week, staying up to date, and I think it's definitely drawn us closer. And that seems to be a thing with.

Nathan (43:36.492)
Yeah.

Josh (43:55.963)
of late over the last five years, 10 years, as death has brought everybody closer in the family. And, you know, now it's what we gotta do with next steps. Being closer in Colorado will help us with reunions and being there for family, each other, and the next round of growth. So, new adventure begins as life leaves us and new life coming in. Jenny, with your...

little baby girl and my niece. I can't wait to see and you know, all the stuff we have to come from there and get to Colorado. So fresh starts and new beginnings.

Jennie (44:34.198)
So, yeah, so that's kind of what life, you know, and then we all got home after the planning week and the funeral, and then we all went back to our respective homes and lives. And then, you know, sometimes they say that's kind of when real grief sets in, when there's not a checklist of a million things to do and handle, and that was definitely true for me.

Nathan (45:00.718)
Right.

Jennie (45:04.242)
Uh, and so we've all just been kind of trudging through the last month or so and keeping in contact and checking on each other. And that's kind of how I, we came to be, decide to be here and do this episode. I was feeling extremely distraught and broken and hopeless. And like, I didn't know how to keep doing the podcast without him. Um,

And after a conversation with Nathan, I had the light bulb idea that I needed. There needed to be some acknowledgement of his passing publicly on the podcast. I couldn't just make some social media posts about it and then just keep going like nothing happened. And so that's why, and you guys both agreed to that, which I'm so grateful for. And so.

That's why we are here today. Let's start, let's tell some of our favorite dad stories to share with everybody. Our favorite dad memories. Who wants to go first?

Josh (46:21.589)
Well, I guess I would take the range by the horse here. So, shoot, you know, Dad was, yeah, you know, I said, right, I was waiting for someone to correct me. You know how she was the one that correct me first, right? And I was waiting for it. Our brotherly sisterly roles are really truly what that goes into. It's interesting the dynamics because the one person always talked about the family dynamics was Dad.

Jennie (46:27.144)
Horse by the reins.

Nathan (46:29.587)
I like your version.

Jennie (46:30.966)
Hahaha!

Nathan (46:32.578)
It's a more interesting image.

Josh (46:48.779)
and the role each sibling plays. And he's always talked about how he enjoyed watching us as we developed. And he and I would talk about stuff like this off and on too, especially when I had kids and seeing them. And I'd talk to him and ask him about, you know, hey, remember seeing this when us, we were growing up or I remember this. And he remembers seeing that with me or more Jenny or more Nathan or a bit of all of us, but, you know, kind of how each person.

uh is in their role you know the eldest sibling is protective and watching out for the other for the other two and the younger ones and then the middle one is you know can take sides with either the oldest or the youngest um and then the young one youngest of all of course yeah and then the youngest can just uh watch us and get through and be the you know get all the passing down to get what they want and we take care of everything for them and uh

Jennie (47:31.958)
or play you both against each other.

Josh (47:44.359)
It was interesting to watch that and talk to him about that when I had Lisa and Xander and worries we had and cool things that came from that. But seeing that, the one person to correct you every time, Jenny would always correct me when I was saying a word wrong when I was singing and Nathan would be like, I don't care. And dad would just sit back and laugh at it because when we talked about it, he remembered it. Each of us had different things. We spent more time with him. I can relate back to childhood.

Where I really, we kicked it off the most was when we were wrestling and tickling and then learning chess and he was teaching me that at like five years old. So that was one of the biggest connections until I started reading. And fourth grade, the love of reading hit me and then suddenly Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling and Gary Gygax and some of these other popular authors dad loved and we connected on them and.

could share those stories even going back and rereading those over time. And some of those in a good way too, imagination takes effect and helps you to approach things from a new perspective or to take new interest in things that takes you a little longer to dive into from reading and he was able to understand that in a way and I could and we could talk about it growing up and that

He was always the one that I was approachable with and what could share with growing up. So any hard challenges I was going through the school years, he was there. Um, and best friends, of course, you know, John Dewar and, you know, we have those one or two that are nearest to that. You can share anything with or anything you're going through. That's tough. Um, but dad was always there and open to that stuff. And that was, you know, he was my sidekick for that.

Mom was there too, of course, but for different for other things and it's just interesting though You know when you look back on those things the things that you remember with dad the iconic mannerisms that you do that copy from him or the moments were like you're ready to call him or wait for something he's not there now and

Josh (49:58.911)
those moments that hit you and then you think back and go like, oh, that's cool. I'm like, oh, that did do that. And I do that now too. I'm like, oh, we're not going to do that in 20 years now. I'm going to be less like him. Oh, great. And yeah. And from chess days to when he was teached, we were playing the board games. Monopoly is the one I got a lot of the gaming side from. When it comes to the boards, I think mom's side was more with the.

Nathan (50:08.191)
It's inevitable.

Josh (50:27.583)
ping pong and the physical activities next to Monopoly. But dad side, you know, risk and the war games and the technology playing descent on computers back to back, you walk into his office down the basement in the house outside Mason City and it would be like walking into a spaceship. You'd see three Dell computers and seven or eight gateway computers and it's a line of flashing lights in the dark and all these piles of paperwork around them. And he'd know exactly what computer was.

design for what that he used it for, which one was extra, which pile of paper had what stuff in it he needed for his conference calls. And he would like, don't mess up my pile of papers. And I'm like, which pile of papers are you talking about? And then I'd sit down on the chair that had the pile of papers he was talking about, like that pile of papers. Oh, okay. Do you need help organizing that and cleaning up? No. And then he'd walk into my room and goes, Hmm, maybe I could use your help, Josh.

Mom asked me to clean up the... Mom would... I remember when Mom asked him to clean up everything in the office and then he suddenly tied... he... well, he came into the bedroom after... this is after he built my room downstairs and I'm in there on the bed one day and I'm reading a book and he walks in he's like, hmm, you're good at cleaning and organizing. I never truly noticed that before until now. Could you give me some advice and feedback and...

Jennie (51:25.19)
You were always the organized one. You kept to the basement. Like.

Nathan (51:26.891)
Yeah.

Josh (51:54.463)
I'm like, sure. And I walked out and I'm not really knowing what he's looking at. And he walked me into his office and he's like, how would you go about this? I'm like, Hmm, mom, golly, didn't she? Yep. Um, well, I'd take it all into bundles and, uh, put, sort it from junk pile and burn pile and trash pile to what you do need to keep, and then have those unorganized piles and then clean up, you know, vacuum and wipe everything down after that, uh, start at the top and work your way down. And that way you're not.

causing yourself extra work. And he's like, good tip. About six hours later, I come out of my room again and I look in the whole fireplace, which is about eight feet long downstairs at the time, brick and it was by maybe three feet in width. And he had it lined up with newspapers and magazines wrapped in twine. And he's like, these are going to recycling, these are going to the burn pile and these are going to the trash. And I'm like, wow. And then I walk into his office and.

he's got organized piles of paper and you could actually see the desk and the floor and I'm like, Hey, I can sit in the chair again. Um, and so, you know, there'd be moments after that, he'd asked me for feedback on some of that. And then he actually started doing it himself and that was kind of an incentive for him and kind of shared the load in that way. And then of course I was very, uh, inspiring help to physically help him take everything up, load them up in the car and take them to the recycling place, which was a lot of fun as to sell at the time.

But the things we think back to with that, that transition from that and being close to him to share stuff in high school and playing on the Nintendo 64 with Goldeneye and all the way through the college experiences and phone calls we'd have. And the thing of the celebration of life, I shared the story about driving. My mom was his first. That first child is always the experimental child. To kind of cut a long story short.

Nathan (53:20.878)
Clanker.

Josh (53:48.435)
We were driving down the snow bank after probably been eight months of test driving, you know, and permits and I'd gone out on my own a few times without my actual license at the time because I had to practice by myself and of course, yeah, well, I think seven years, so we're on the same time. Yeah, out in the country. So, but yeah, you know, hey, and we were cutting that corner.

Nathan (54:04.018)
Yeah, yeah, what's the statute of limitations on that?

Jennie (54:06.102)
Ha ha.

This was back in the day when you could learn how to drive on the country roads. Yeah.

Nathan (54:13.04)
Yeah.

Josh (54:17.771)
icy and snowy on the ground. It was packed tight. And he, uh, when I put the brakes on and we just started going faster and we're gliding. And when you hit that, all you can do is kind of, um, do a intentional slow, slow crash. And yeah. And so, uh, he, he definitely made some screaming noises and, um, I made a few grunts and I'm like, well, we'll get this and we're going to.

Jennie (54:31.358)
Jesus take the wheel.

Nathan (54:34.143)
Weeeee!

Josh (54:44.607)
We're going to end up in the driveway. I just don't know in what condition, but we'll be okay. And I remember him holding the handle like this on top of the, uh, his, uh, passenger side door handle on the ceiling. And he's just, yep. And, uh, you know, I, we came up with our, to our, uh, little drive circle driveway and I put the brakes on, put the parking brake on and then turn the wheel and we spun around about.

Jennie (54:56.906)
for the kids these days, we call those oh shit bars.

Josh (55:12.895)
four times, three times and landed in perfect parking position next to the house. And he looked at me and said, and to start, I thought he was going to be shouting or doing something. I didn't really know what to expect. And when he laughed his ass off, I'm like, oh boy, what did I do? I'm like, I'm in for it now. I'm never getting my license now. And he's, all I can remember him saying was after the, ah, was him going.

Nathan (55:30.518)
You're broken.

Jennie (55:33.006)
Right?

Josh (55:37.919)
don't tell your mom about that because she'll never let us drive together again. And I, you know, that's one of those moments that always stuck with. And then he started calling me bad cheetah after that for a number of years, just between us when I was out. Yeah, when we were out and doing stuff, you're like, bad cheetah, stop that. Cause after it reminded him of something I had done during the driving, he had explained it once, but I can't remember how he explained it but it was after that bad cheetah commercial with the cheetah chasing after the animals. And then

Nathan (55:41.07)
Yeah

Josh (56:07.687)
It would change over time and became a guy with the Doritos and it was it was cheated back and forth So I remind the guy said bad cheetah because he ate all the Doritos and that was Calling me that after that commercial. So but Yeah, he Was definitely an instrument of learning Wealth of vast wealth of knowledge. You never quite knew what to expect and when he did have something

Jennie (56:12.376)
Oh.

Jennie (56:15.83)
Bad cheetah, yeah.

Josh (56:35.859)
that frustrated you with them. It was one of them trivial matters that you just kind of took like really. And, um, even in college and, um, going through all during those times, you know, and some of the phone calls he got and including from me, um, and, uh, I remember one night when I was, uh, we'll keep some details confidential on that night, um, for another time, but you know, just fun times of phone calls. And he's like, where are you at? I'm like, you know, I'm driving down a one way. And.

Jennie (56:58.166)
these two.

Josh (57:05.047)
Oh, there's a sidewalk. Oh, I'm a sidewalk. And you know, and you know, there's moments like, well, let me call you right back, dad. And, uh, you know, there's times where we had some little too much fun. He'd call me back and like, are you okay? And in a good spot to talk. I'm like, yep. Um, he's like, and he's like, so what were you calling me about earlier? I'm like, when did I call you earlier? You know, and we'd have, and then it would stream a whole long conversation. And I remember about different things in life and girls and.

this and that and he's like, are you doing your studies? I'm like, oh yeah, what did you learn today? Well, made it to these two classes. I'm passing them with a B and I know I showed up for what I needed to and left a little early, but you know, missed just the gen ed. And you know, the conversations that you remember and think back to and he said what he needed to say and then when I needed him a couple of times he was there and it's just, you know, he was always.

sacrifice to be there for us, even a long distance thing with him and mom. Back in the day, he always said his number one thing was to make sure that he did what he needed to move out. And it's like when it went from Pennsylvania to Illinois to be there for all of us because we were his life. We were his purpose in life and everything he did revolved around us. And that's also another reason he was wanting to move to Colorado. He was due to do that mid-April. He was almost there, but other plans were in place for him.

And another reason that running joke, he's sitting up there laughing that he got out of another move yet again We got to move all of his stuff and cleaned out his storage locker again for him all in one fell swoop. So

Nathan (58:33.326)
Thanks for watching.

Nathan (58:38.866)
You just reminded me, I'm sorry to interrupt, but you just sparked a memory for me of phone calls with dad, which I'm sure we all have, you know, numerous histories with that, but like from now thinking from like what it must have been like from his perspective and how the hell did he not have a heart attack earlier? Like, I'm just thinking about one from me personally in college, it was like,

Josh (59:01.651)
Hehehehehehehe

Nathan (59:07.454)
I think it was my senior, it was either junior or senior, but I think it was my senior year. And it was finals week and it was like, my biggest final was the next day and I'm a procrastinator. And so I took a five hour energy. I was drinking a lot of caffeine back then, but I took a five hour energy. And then I would just, I had already been up for like 48 hours straight or something like that. Like it was just like a crazy time. And took another one about.

20 minutes later, which are not even supposed to take more than one in 24 hours kind of thing. And I just remember calling dad. I don't even remember the details. I remember the only details I do remember were like my heart was in my head and I was like running down, I lived on a street that had like a bike path that just went on forever near St. Louis and just.

I just remember being on the phone yelling like I'm gonna die. I'm crazy You know, whatever is going through my mind at that time like I'm freaking out just my shirt off Just running just straight up running and I think I think I was only on the phone call with him for probably like 10 minutes And he probably didn't even say a word other than what's going on You know, it's like hearing this pure panic come from the other end of the phone and then click Just like probably nothing probably nothing for like

Josh (01:00:29.761)
Haha

Jennie (01:00:30.606)
Are you just...

Nathan (01:00:32.898)
till the next day, I probably just went home and passed out. I don't remember. But just, yeah, stories that we all probably have like that and just what it must have been like from his perspective of just like, ooh.

Jennie (01:00:46.334)
I didn't know that you had an energy drink story too. So I, my sophomore-ish year maybe, I had stayed up, sophomore, junior, I don't know. I had stayed up and I was drinking, I don't even remember the brand, but it was like, you know, they were like the big cans.

Nathan (01:00:54.023)
Yeah, cause you do.

Nathan (01:01:15.618)
Like the monster kind of thing.

Jennie (01:01:16.018)
Bigger cans. Yeah, it wasn't monster, but it was something else. Um, and they were, they were great flavored and so delicious. And I bought four of them. Um, and then went to, it was finals week and went to the library to pull an all nighter and I failed to, well, one, you shouldn't drink four of them anyway. Um, but I thought each one was one serving.

Nathan (01:01:46.644)
Yes.

Jennie (01:01:47.634)
and each can was two servings. So I essentially drank eight energy drinks in like a 12 hour period overnight. And then tried to go back to my dorm room before going to class to take my first final and was obviously like freaking the fuck out and called dad and he like, he was like, you need to go to the hospital because you think your heart's. So he stayed on the phone with me while I like,

panic walk ran to the emergent. There was a little hospital like two blocks down from our campus. And yeah, I mean, I was fine. They hooked me up to an EEG for a few hours and then sent me on my way. But, but yeah, I didn't know you. But he, but my freshman year that one that should have given him a heart attack or could have was

Nathan (01:02:19.746)
Oh, yeah.

Nathan (01:02:33.346)
We got another one!

Josh (01:02:35.682)
Haha

Jennie (01:02:45.714)
It was literally freshman year, it was like the week before everybody else arrives, you know, freshmen show up on campus first. And at our school, so does Greek life. Greek life shows up on campus the week before school starts because they get to start recruiting freshmen. And so it's freshmen and party houses on campus for the first.

or the last week of August or whatever before school started. And we were me and my new dorm mates were at. A house. And obviously, we're underaged and the cops show up to break up the party. And I had my pink Razor phone hooked on my belt loop pants, and we took off running.

Um, and, and then got back. I eventually got back to my dorm. I couldn't find my phone, uh, blah, blah. And then some, and then my, and then dad called my roommate's phone, uh, because he had gotten her phone number for just such a situation like this, um, called her phone and she put me on her phone. And I was like, Hey, dad.

What's up? And he was like, I know where your phone is. I was like.

Nathan (01:04:16.47)
down.

Josh (01:04:17.509)
Oh

Jennie (01:04:19.434)
And this is long before iPhone tracking, smartphones, all of that. And I was like, what? And he was like, yeah, so-and-so like Sam or Steve or, you know, the, um, campus security has it. And I was like, what? That's crazy. I've lost it. I've been looking for my phone. Yeah.

Nathan (01:04:21.741)
Right.

Nathan (01:04:41.243)
I'm sorry.

Jennie (01:04:45.094)
Yeah, they have it. They they want you to go down to the office and pick it up. And I was like, Oh, but it's dark out, can't they just bring it here? Anyway, eventually, I had to come clean because he knew like, Campus Security had picked up my phone at a party and looked through it and found dad's cell and called dad and was like, Hey, we found your daughter's phone. She probably wants it back. Do you know how to get ahold of her?

Nathan (01:05:01.407)
Yeah.

Nathan (01:05:05.108)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (01:05:16.23)
Anyway, but from that, you know, he...

Nathan (01:05:17.057)
now.

Jennie (01:05:23.95)
He didn't lecture me. He didn't. He never was like, I'm so disappointed or what are you doing? Or, you know, he was just like, so what have we learned? I'm glad you're safe. Like, you know, he and he would like he would give me like a like a like a being safe speech.

Nathan (01:05:33.251)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan (01:05:38.989)
Yeah.

Josh (01:05:40.235)
I'm glad you're back safe. Yep.

Jennie (01:05:52.15)
Um, and, but he never was like, he was never like, don't do what co, you know, what college kids are going to do and live your life. Um, but he always like gave, gave us rain. Well, then later on the joke became, yeah, but I outwritten them. Aren't you proud of me?

Nathan (01:06:00.746)
Mm-hmm.

Josh (01:06:02.771)
get your phone.

Josh (01:06:10.171)
Yeah. Hahaha.

Nathan (01:06:11.372)
Thank you.

Jennie (01:06:13.27)
I didn't get a ticket, I didn't get arrested. But dad was always like, I jotted this down a few minutes ago, like he never judged us, at least in my experience. He was never judgmental when we messed up or made undesirable choices. He would lecture us.

about how to do it better next time. He would like have conversations about it. He would reiterate the importance of making a different choice and here's why. But he, I never felt.

judged.

Jennie (01:07:01.946)
even getting caught on campus underage at a party, you know, losing my phone, getting picked up by the cops. And I think, and Josh, what you've said multiple times while you were telling your stories is that dad was always someone we could talk to about anything.

Nathan (01:07:25.396)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (01:07:28.286)
we could always tell him the truth.

Nathan (01:07:30.779)
That's something I always admired in him, not even just with us, but like, he was always the guy. Like I always remember just being so in awe. I mean, up until, you know, a month ago, he could talk to anybody about anything for any amount of time. And it was just like always blew me away. He was just like always there to relate. And...

Yeah, he always came with a heavy dose of empathy and understanding and just kind of wanted to like help us navigate, you know, as it refers to us, help us navigate and help us figure out, like let us reach our own conclusions about what the situation was and how we should maybe do it differently next time. And yeah, I think we all at least had that similar aspect in Dad.

Jennie (01:08:24.447)
Yeah.

Nathan (01:08:24.93)
for each of us, yeah. I'll be very quick about this one, but very similar about getting into trouble. I was, you guys just keep reminding me of these stories I wasn't planning on telling. Yeah, I know. I knew those triggers, but yeah, he was very, I remember, oh, he was so pissed, but he kept his cool. Like, you know, we've all seen Dad mad, right? You know, the-

Jennie (01:08:32.286)
You don't have to be very quick.

Jennie (01:08:40.178)
I told you, I told you as we talked, things would just pop into your minds.

Jennie (01:08:53.286)
Yeah, well, yeah. This is not to say like that dad never made mistakes or got angry with us. All right.

Nathan (01:08:54.486)
Like we all got the flaring nostrils. He was perfect. He was always calm. He never raised it. Yeah, no, anyway. So I think it was like the summer between seventh and eighth grade or somewhere around that time. A group of my friends and I decided, I think I may have been the ringleader to go egg some houses. It's so foggy. May.

Josh (01:08:54.67)
Hmm.

Josh (01:09:02.717)
I'm going to go ahead and turn it off.

Jennie (01:09:21.142)
My memory is so foggy.

Nathan (01:09:24.95)
Allegedly, we egged some houses. The courts are undecided still. But yeah, so.

Jennie (01:09:34.122)
How old were you guys? You were like 12 or something, right? You're 11?

Nathan (01:09:37.074)
I want to say it was a summer between seventh and eighth grade. So yeah, maybe third to EAA right around then. And, you know, I was obsessed with CSI. I was such a goof. You know, I was wearing like rubber gloves as we went around thinking, thinking that the, you know, the Mason City, the 2,700, you know, people towns, CSI department was going to reconstruct the eggshells and nail me for the crime.

Jennie (01:09:40.406)
This is 1213, yeah.

Jennie (01:09:51.782)
never get caught.

Jennie (01:10:01.226)
Right?

Jennie (01:10:04.662)
with your

Nathan (01:10:05.73)
Don't ever give me such an idiot. Anyway, um, but I just remember the next day. So we had actually egged, didn't know it, but we egged like the up and coming new police chief's house. And we had no idea.

Jennie (01:10:19.582)
Yeah, yeah.

Josh (01:10:20.803)
of all the people in the town of Mason City that you could have egged.

Nathan (01:10:23.906)
we had no idea it was his house. It was so rent. I was just like, yeah. No, no, not Coulter, Marlowe. Anyway, the up and coming, not Coulter. Yeah, yeah, I knew her, Coulter. No, no, it was Marlowe. It was the next guy in line. So he wasn't quite chief yet, but he was about to be. And so we do that. We do the thing and they chase us down.

Jennie (01:10:26.746)
Everybody knew he lived there. He was our dare officer.

Jennie (01:10:35.914)
Oh, oh, okay. I always thought it was Coulter's house. I was like, how did you not know where he lived?

Okay.

Nathan (01:10:53.386)
you know, me and a couple of my friends. And Marlo chases me down on the bike his wife falls in a van. You know, we're very cool. You know, why are you wearing the rubber gloves? I just, I'm an idiot. And, you know, sees one of the other guys with me, throw an egg when he turns his back, you know, to try to destroy the evidence. And anyway, the next morning, dad gets...

Jennie (01:11:15.794)
Didn't you say you found... I'm sorry, tell your story. Yeah, tell your story.

Nathan (01:11:18.614)
We said all kinds of stupid stuff. Yeah, where'd you get the... Oh, we found them. I don't know. You know, dumb. Um, 12. And Dad gets a call the next day from Coulter. Um, hangs up the phone, comes into the room, talks to me. So why did I just get a call from the chief of police? What? I have no idea.

Jennie (01:11:47.063)
Clutch your pearls!

Nathan (01:11:49.258)
Why would you? Yeah, clutch me. It was very kind of like, you could, I could see the little rage ball inside of his head kind of thing. That I was projecting. Yeah, but he was very much like, okay, we're going to go down there. And you know, in his best calm, just like he always was, you know, he's very, very calm most of the time. Especially when it came to like...

Josh (01:11:51.819)
the

Jennie (01:12:00.743)
throbbing vein on the front.

Nathan (01:12:14.67)
crises kind of things and we went through the whole process and it wasn't a big deal. We went for an interview and they nailed down the hardened criminals and we went our separate ways after that. But I just remember him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We now know of the three, I won't name names, but we now know of the three of us, the friends that were involved, who the narc would be. So that's all I'll say about that. But...

Jennie (01:12:28.276)
They wanted to scare ya.

Nathan (01:12:44.938)
But no, dad was very cool. And I think he understood the non-seriousness of the whole situation, but not a good phone call to get even with your eighth grader. The chief of police rings you up, but yeah, he was very, very mellow and understanding. And like, here's the bar of soap you need to eat now, kind of thing.

Jennie (01:12:46.218)
Who broke?

Jennie (01:13:12.21)
Well, and like, you know, but at the same time, made sure that you had to walk through the process of retribution because if you just get away with something like that, that's when things can turn into more than, oh, if we can get away with egging a house, what else can I get away with? And things can escalate versus like, okay, you egged a house, you didn't hurt anybody, you didn't whatever, but you're also going to, you're going to go, you're going to face the police.

Nathan (01:13:17.65)
Exactly.

Nathan (01:13:29.37)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Jennie (01:13:42.13)
you know, you're going to pay your dues and make up for it and clean it up. And so you like there's, you know, relational parenting and the more that we've done this podcast and the more I've called it relational parenting, the more that I realize.

Nathan (01:13:42.602)
Yeah. Yeah, we cleaned it all up.

Jennie (01:14:01.834)
that we were relationally parented. And so, but...

point is he was calm. He kept his cool, but he still walked you through repair and retribution and doing the right thing, but then, but didn't overly punish or scream at you or shame you or guilt you or any of these things, but you had to take the steps to correct the situation.

Nathan (01:14:37.674)
Yeah, no, no insult injury kind of thing. He's like, you, he kind of recognized like you already probably feel pretty bad about this. I don't need to lay any more on you, but let's.

Jennie (01:14:41.663)
Right.

Jennie (01:14:46.055)
Yeah.

Yeah. Well, and having to go down to the police station at 13 years old is terrifying. Like piss your pants terrifying. That is your, that this is your natural consequence. You have to go face the music.

Jennie (01:15:04.532)
Yeah.

Nathan (01:15:05.042)
It was alright, I mean I was fine. I wasn't scared at all.

Jennie (01:15:11.122)
If I had to go down to a police station now, I'd piss my pants.

Nathan (01:15:15.608)
Oh yeah. Well now it's a little more serious.

Jennie (01:15:19.158)
Yeah. I still get like, I like getting pulled over is still like a, like, I mean, like there's nothing in my car. I'm just like, Oh my God, I'm doing stuff illegal. And I just forgot about it. That like, like guilty conscience or whatever.

Nathan (01:15:31.787)
Right.

Nathan (01:15:46.326)
Yeah, the earliest, you know, just to lay it on thick with the whole him being calm thing, I think the story I told at the funeral, that we all probably remember differently and we all had our different roles we played obviously in it, but when we were...

Jennie (01:15:46.698)
Dad once.

Nathan (01:16:07.882)
I don't know if it was a game we all played or if this was just a game I was playing and competing with myself but thought I was competing with you guys you know, cause siblings, you gotta win, right? You gotta win. And it was cloud watching. And this is probably my earliest, really my earliest memory like with him cause I was, I don't know how old I was.

between set, yeah, like between five and set, yeah, that's what I was gonna say. And yeah, I was little, I know that. And then, you know, the front of our house, you know, we're surrounded by cornfields and the front of our house had these big, big tall windows, I don't need to tell you guys. These big tall windows with the sill, you could kind of like sit in, you know, window sill, five, six feet, you know, almost floor to ceiling kind of thing, or the window pane rather.

Jennie (01:16:35.271)
were like five or six.

Jennie (01:16:40.566)
Because I was seven or eight. Yeah, you were little. Yeah.

Nathan (01:17:05.05)
And I'm just sitting there and we're kind of like, you know, just looking outside. And I think he was just in the room. I don't think he was there like actively watching with me or anything like that. You know, I'm looking for the cool clouds. And then I see this one and it's, as you guys know, touching the sky and the ground and kicking up dirt. And it's moving from right to left across the cornfield, kicking up all of this debris.

And you know, I'm like, Oh my God, this is the best cloud ever. Dad, come over here and look at this cloud. And I'll still, this is, this is the part of the memory that's just like crystal clear for me is like looking up at him and, and just seeing him just kind of. Kind of look out of the window. It just seemed like for forever. And he kind of looks down at me and he goes, well, Nathan, that's a tornado. It was just like, I just remember after that, it was just like.

chaos, you know, mom obviously did not like the sound of tornado, my God, tornado, get everybody get into the basement and get into the tornado room that we had. That was kind of news to me. I was like, that's why we call that that. Um, you know, I had no, I had no sense of like the thing we did. I don't know if it was before or after that, but whatever. That's what it was. This little bunker in the basement. But, um, yeah, I just remember he, he stayed up and like,

Jennie (01:18:16.67)
I always called it the tornado room.

Nathan (01:18:31.658)
was to watch, he went outside and was inside and outside watching the storm. A lot of the neighbors, most of the neighbors were like, had been there their whole lives and were farmers and all their kids were outside apparently watching the storm go by. And it was kind of far enough away and you could just kind of watch the path that it's going on and where most of us or all of us are in the basement. I just remember like the biggest overarching theme for me was like, I never, I don't have a memory of like feeling scared in that moment.

And I think it all came down, because I know, Jenny, I think you mentioned this. You were scared. Mom obviously was scared. Yeah.

Jennie (01:19:08.378)
I was part of the freak out. Tornadoes was one of my biggest fears till I was like 20 years old. I was mortified and I constantly pointed at clouds when we would be driving and be like, that's gonna be a tornado. Yeah, no, I was freaking the fuck out, yeah.

Nathan (01:19:14.75)
Yeah.

Nathan (01:19:20.926)
Yeah. Um, and I just remember not feeling that, or I don't have a memory of feeling that. And I think it came down to just him matter of factly just being like, Oh, well, that's a tornado. And he's just like, Oh, well, that's a rabbit. You know, it's just kind of this like, and he's like, well, let's go do this. So, you know, let's get into the basement. And then he had his little, the big yellow, I'm sure you guys remember the big yellow flashlight that was a radio and, you know, probably had like an alarm or something on it too. But

Jennie (01:19:45.022)
Radio flashlight.

Nathan (01:19:49.774)
you know, tuning in and listening to the, we didn't lose power, I don't know why we had to use that, but we had like other radios, I think, but, you know, using the emergency thing and listening to the storm. And I just remember just like wanting to be out there and like look at the storm. And yeah, that always stuck with me was his calm and his curiosity. And that was just like what kind of summed him up, you know, from an early impression for me, it was just like this really calm, curious.

kinda guy.

Jennie (01:20:22.026)
I think those are two really good words for him. Cause he was, he was.

Nathan (01:20:28.862)
It was a two C words.

Jennie (01:20:31.83)
I'm sorry.

Josh (01:20:33.247)
calm and curious and he always tried to tinker and see how things worked. And if anything, that was the one thing that drove me insane. Cause the first time he came to my, our first house here at Travis ranch in Texas for his visit, I remember it was just him on that particular visit. That better? Good.

Nathan (01:20:38.526)
Yeah, yeah, that's...

Jennie (01:20:52.003)
Hey Josh, move your mouthpiece closer. Yeah, thank you.

Josh (01:20:58.631)
I remember he came down for that first visit by himself when we first moved into Travis Ranch, our house up there here in Texas. And I just got in the internet set up with AT&T U-verse. Everything was fast. It was great. It was like a hundred megabits per second plus. Actually no, it was 150 megabits per second at that time, which was fast and much faster than what he had. I think he had 50 MBS and he came in and he's like, wow, this is fast. I think I can improve this. And I'm like,

Nathan (01:21:24.914)
Hmph.

Josh (01:21:28.839)
I went to work and came back that day and I'm trying to hook up to my internet when I was getting on my Xbox for a minute Do an update and it wouldn't connect and then went to my laptop. It wouldn't connect and my phone wouldn't connect I'm like what is going on? I'm like, uh, what is it? My dad walked in he's like what's going on? And I'm like, I can't get connected to the internet like oh, yeah, I went down about an hour ago I'm working on I'm trying to mess with them your DNS settings and make it a little bit more secure and faster I'm like what?

I'm like, dad, it was fine. I had it already defaulted. I have it re-running through a whole separate modem and secure box. And I'm like, I don't need anything else on it. And I'm like, what did you do? And he's like, well, I'm trying to figure that out because it was working fine. I'm like, really? So I remember restoring it to default completely, restarting it, rebooting it, changed the password on it. And I said, don't touch my internet again. And it is fine. And

And then I'm like, look how fast it is. I'm like, it works just fine now. And he tried it and he's like, wow, that is fast. And I'm like, yeah, it's 150 megabits per second. Look at the security on this part right here. It's like, okay, that's pretty good. I'm like, don't touch a thing. He's like, I'm only gonna try to touch two settings. I'm like, no, you're not gonna touch nothing. He's like, well, let me log in. I'm like, no, you can't. I changed the password already. He was like, what?

Nathan (01:22:47.383)
Thank you.

Josh (01:22:48.511)
But he's like, give me a puppy dog face, because he wanted to get into my network, because it was so fast. It was faster than a T1. And I'm like, no, it's working just fine. And it's like, you always had to have that one thing to work with. Like, that one thing to get frustrated with on the trip was a GPS or his phone. And he'd be talking back at the GPS. So if there was something that he had to get route around, it was the internet or something. So I had to find a, yeah, I had to substitute.

Nathan (01:23:10.765)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:23:13.47)
He had to tinker.

Nathan (01:23:14.362)
Yeah, those are the two coins of the Tinkering.

Josh (01:23:18.639)
I had to substitute my Xbox for that, for the internet for his first visit, because he had really truly enjoyed the Xbox until then. Then he tried some games out and then he was on the Xbox most of that visit.

Nathan (01:23:29.25)
Yeah, he didn't like to leave any stone unturned. You know, if there was a stone to turn, he was gonna look under it and find all the bugs and maybe make things worse or better.

Josh (01:23:33.06)
Mm.

Yep. I always, and it would always surprise me because we build the sky fort together out the old country house. And he was like, measure twice and cut once. As my dad would always say, ever since dad fixed the vacuum, his dad couldn't fix when they were younger. And then I'm like, and dad, that goes with the saying, you don't fix something that ain't broke. Because he'd always tinker something that was working fine. It wouldn't work afterwards because he was trying to figure out how it worked. I'm like, it's fine. Just leave it. And.

Nathan (01:23:50.86)
Yeah.

Josh (01:24:04.863)
I always knocked him with that and then he'd bring up Murphy's law. I was like, shut up. So you never knew how it would happen, but those conversations are always going to happen at every gathering of any kind with him. It was always entertaining.

Jennie (01:24:11.855)
I'm sorry.

Jennie (01:24:22.102)
his dad-isms. He was also a very stereotypical dad joker, which we saw a lot on the podcast.

Nathan (01:24:23.63)
Thank you.

Josh (01:24:24.057)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan (01:24:32.246)
Yeah.

Josh (01:24:32.575)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:24:33.99)
He would always say, he would always say like, you know, you can cut any of my dad jokes or whatever. And I'm like, no, that's part of the charm of you being on there is that and the generational perspective that you bring. And then our, of course, our relationship. Cause I think there's a lot of, there's a lot of people are, you know, our ages or somewhere near.

Nathan (01:24:56.622)
Thanks for watching!

Jennie (01:25:03.666)
And you know, they're like, like we said earlier, like dad was also not a perfect person. And we, and we all, you know, he had his flaws and we all grew, you know, grew up and went into adult life. And I did lots of my own therapies, not necessarily because of him or mom, but just

I struggled with mental health and stuff in college and afterwards and blah, blah. But through that developed healthier emotional skills and relational skills and all of these things and then was subsequently able to have these reflective difficult conversations with dad about things that he did do that were traumatic or...

not healthy or toxic or whatever. And I was able then as an adult to start calling him out, like when they were happening. So like, you know, we'd be on the phone and he'd make some comment about something that was like, where he was just completely misinterpreting what I was saying or, you know, whatever. And I was able to be like, right there, like that. Don't do that. Or whatever.

Nathan (01:26:21.389)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:26:32.176)
and

Jennie (01:26:38.786)
Oh, but part of the reason...

Jennie (01:26:44.974)
that I wanted him on the podcast as a co-host, not just to show up once in a while, but I wanted to show people a healthy, for the most part, adult, child, and parent relationship that wasn't necessarily always perfect growing up, and that it took a lot of conversations.

But like dad became receptive to hearing, you know, that even with all of the good and wonderful things that he brought to our lives, he still made mistakes and there was still hurt. And that that's okay, you have both. Everyone's going to have both. In any relationship that has ever existed of any kind, you're gonna have good and you're gonna have hurt. And he...

Nathan (01:27:37.005)
Right.

Jennie (01:27:40.422)
was able to hear me when I would tell him those things. And he was able to acknowledge them or apologize for them or improve on them or whatever. And there's so many people I see, you know, either anecdotally online or that I know in real life who have cut a parent off or who've had to just distance themselves because...

Nathan (01:28:06.945)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (01:28:09.746)
because they can't, as an adult, they have all of this, you know, these pieces of their childhood where they're hurt and they can't acknowledge them with that parent or during holidays, that parent like repeats those behaviors, you know, and reopens the wound and is unwilling to hear the adult child when they're like, please don't do that or in our house, you know, in our family that we're building.

Nathan (01:28:28.255)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:28:37.854)
we don't act like that or we don't say those kinds of things to the grandkids or whatever. And there's a lot of grandparents and parents of adult children who will just lash back and be like, I've raised kids and I've done this and I know better and I'm older and all of these things. And there is a respectful way to do it. But being able to have that open dialogue.

Nathan (01:28:52.652)
All right.

Jennie (01:29:07.118)
is so important. It's important from the time your children are small. But it's also important that if you are older, I don't know, we just wanted to set an example. We wanted to show people that it is possible and that you can have that relationship despite past hurts and or imperfect childhoods or things like that.

Nathan (01:29:25.666)
Yeah.

Nathan (01:29:30.958)
Well, and it's just, yeah, it's life. It's a, you don't escape life without trauma. And I mean, just saying exactly what you just said is like, it's such a complex, messy thing. And...

It's a never ending process kind of thing. It's like, you know, you don't reach, you know, I'm gonna offend somebody saying this, but it's like, you don't reach enlightenment. I don't think it's just, you just keep progressing and growing and changing and you do that together. And I think you guys starting this thing, that's one thing I personally at least was excited about when I heard about this.

that you guys were kind of going down this road and stuff. I was just like, you know, that's, that's just gonna be like a really incredible thing. And especially now, you know, looking back at, you know, this is gonna be a huge part of his legacy. And it really speaks to that because, you know, of our family history and, you know, the rough divorce and all of those things, we all have those things that we need to kind of like heal from and it was really cool to.

see you two come together and be able to talk about that, from an outside perspective, sort of from your guys' relationship. That was really something special. And even more so now it's so precious.

Jennie (01:30:52.424)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:30:58.73)
Yeah.

having.

having, you know, there's so many parts of this, of him passing. I mean, when someone passes it's never easy. And there's always, you know, intense emotions and hard things to traverse and all of that. There's a few things that were really...

and still are not were are still hard for me was one of course, like that the part that there's going to have to be this huge pivot if the podcast was going to keep going and also just feeling like, how do I do it without him? Like it was it was our thing like I it was my brainchild but it was he was an integral part.

Nathan (01:31:47.886)
Right.

Jennie (01:31:58.706)
of the whole vibe and purpose of the podcast. So that was one thing. But the flip side of that was that I had a year, I have a year of footage of conversations with him captured, not only for my memory and to rewatch and as a legacy, but to show my kids someday and keep, you know, keep his

the lessons alive.

Nathan (01:32:31.29)
And sorry, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to touch on, and he's never not going to be a part of this, right? Like you guys started this thing together. You are a part of him, we all are, and you are the product of him in large quantities. And he's always going to be right there sitting across from you. Excuse me.

Jennie (01:32:40.256)
Yeah.

Nathan (01:33:01.218)
So you have that, so he's always gonna be a part of this thing you guys built together.

Nathan (01:33:09.55)
which is awesome.

Josh (01:33:13.2)
legacies they live on.

Jennie (01:33:13.226)
when I felt.

I felt.

Jennie (01:33:20.07)
You know, I think we each said some version of that in our parts of the eulogy at the funeral about how we will carry forward the torch that he has passed.

Nathan (01:33:32.492)
Yep.

Jennie (01:33:36.222)
But yeah, there's been some really hard like, like he and I have talked about parenting since I was a kid. And now that I'm becoming, I'm finally becoming a mom, like he got taken. And I've heard from so many friends who have also lost a parent and actually specifically their dad, and then they had kids, how hard it is like each moment.

that they're like, oh my gosh, like, dad would have loved this or grandpa would have thought this was so far, he would have said this thing when they did that. And that, and then the other piece is that we were all literally on the phone, the week before he passed away, he was apartment hunting. He had made the decision to move out here to Colorado.

Nathan (01:34:08.482)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan (01:34:13.4)
Yeah.

Nathan (01:34:30.455)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:34:31.934)
He knew the three of us were finally gonna be all in the same state. And that there was just, you know, before we'd all been spread up around the country quite a bit. And now we were all ending up in Colorado. And he was like, there's nowhere else I'd rather be. And he was apartment hunting and. And, you know, asking, we were all making arrangements to.

go on apartment tours for him and help him find a place to live out here.

Jennie (01:35:10.33)
Yeah, and we did. There was a very ugly divorce when we were all teenagers. And we all kind of, at that point, started living separate lives. I mean, we were all getting older anyway and kind of had our own friends and our own things. And Josh had just left for college and I was in late high school. And so we were all kind of starting to grow up and enter adulthood.

Nathan (01:35:24.642)
moment.

Jennie (01:35:38.438)
and go our separate ways anyway, but, you know, the divorce really, obviously like dad moved out, we had two different places to live. And then we all just like went into adulthood and kind of, I think kind of ran away a little bit from the messiness and ugliness of what that was. And.

And we just kind of continued on that trajectory. I mean, we all came back around and for holidays and major things, but there was a lot of just like spreading. We all spread out and we were all finally this, now that we're, you know, 20 years later, ending up in Colorado together and he was gonna be out here. And I know mom has a three to five year plan.

Nathan (01:36:17.335)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan (01:36:21.738)
Yeah.

Nathan (01:36:35.21)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (01:36:35.926)
To be out here too is like we were all gonna kind of be close again for the first time since all of that and that just feels very...

Nathan (01:36:39.384)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:36:47.114)
Feels very like the rug got pulled out from under us.

Nathan (01:36:50.578)
Oh, absolutely. I think, yeah, for me too, that's probably the hardest, absolute hardest part was

Nathan (01:37:00.102)
Exactly what you said coming from our family history and about to kind of get to a place where we can be closer

Nathan (01:37:09.63)
Yeah, that's absolutely the hardest part, I think.

Jennie (01:37:16.726)
When his whole, like Josh said earlier, he always told us like his whole purpose in life was us. And that was then translating now to we've all, the, you know, we've all started our families. We have our spouses, Josh has kids. I'm about where Lewis and I are starting our family. Like he was coming out here to play grandpa. And he, like, he was so excited and he was so, like he was excited to be with us.

Nathan (01:37:39.595)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:37:45.19)
His kids, but he was excited to be out here too for the next generation and be grandpa full time.

Nathan (01:37:51.766)
And just like, I think I told you both the other day, but like what you said, Jenny, about once you have kids and you're gonna start noticing like, oh, he would have loved this, or this is how he, you see little things that he did that you do also. But like, me and my wife are working on being the fun aunt and uncle. We're getting into that groove and...

we're really excited to have Josh and his two little ones up here, and then, you know, yours on the way, and get to steal them and spoil them, and be right exactly, and be there confident and stuff. But just babysitting Tom, my wife's niece and nephew on her sister's side, the other day we had like a little sleepover, and little girl, little boy, and I already was channeling my inner.

Jennie (01:38:26.614)
Free childcare. Ha ha ha.

Josh (01:38:28.883)
Hmm.

Nathan (01:38:48.502)
dad, we had story time around the fireplace to wind down for the night. And the little girl was just adamant about telling scary stories. And I'm thinking, oh, God, I don't know how many times they've slept at other people's houses. But I'm like, you've never been here before. This is a stranger's house. Let's tell happy stories before bed. And so the only thing I could think of, I didn't have anything ready to go, was

Jennie (01:38:55.583)
Oh yeah.

Jennie (01:39:11.173)
Right?

Nathan (01:39:17.566)
And you guys remember this, the Slither.ED song, which I don't know. I don't know. I don't know who, uh, who wrote it. Uh, you got your listeners and viewers can Google it. Um.

Jennie (01:39:21.91)
You have to sing it. If you're gonna bring it up, you have to sing it.

Josh (01:39:30.123)
That was Beatles. No. It's the Beatles. It's the Beatles. It is the Beatles.

Jennie (01:39:30.454)
I think dad wrote it. I think dad made it up. I don't think it came from anywhere.

Nathan (01:39:33.286)
No, I know it is a thing. They did do a version. I think someone else originated it. But yes, I think you're right. They do. Yeah, they did do. I've looked it up before. It is like a little, you know, it's like a 30 second. Yeah, I think yeah. But that and you know, which is just like kind of it's spooky, but it's just goofy. It just ends silly. Oh, God.

Jennie (01:39:40.33)
The Beatles?

Jennie (01:39:44.746)
All right, we'll link this in the show notes for anyone who wants to go listen to the Slytheri D song.

Jennie (01:39:59.638)
I mean, you could just sing it for everybody.

Nathan (01:40:03.178)
I don't think I can, but...

Nathan (01:40:12.086)
But that, and then at bedtime, I just remembered the one thing he would always say, you know, we had nightmares that night. The girl who was adamant about telling scary stories two minutes after being put to bed came in, not enough time to have a nightmare, in my opinion. I believe women, I'm just saying. She walks into the bedroom, I'm having a nightmare. I'm like, I don't think you've been asleep long enough.

Jennie (01:40:34.59)
I'm just saying this child was lying. Ha ha ha.

Nathan (01:40:39.89)
or at all to have a nightmare, but you know, using the phrase, now you guys don't have to go to bed, but you do have to lay there and keep your eyes closed. Like that's the game. Like, you know, lay there and keep your eyes closed, which was something I think he probably shouted at us at some point, you know, over the years.

Jennie (01:40:56.454)
He did. He was really good at like at sidestepping our, you know, when we were little or whatever, and he'd put us to bed and we'd be like, I'm not sleepy. He'd be like, well, you don't have to go to sleep, but you do have to lay there with your eyes closed, which sounded like such a reasonable request. We're like, well, okay, I guess I have to lay here with my eyes closed. And we were young enough. It was like, we didn't know that meant that we'd probably fall asleep. It did.

Nathan (01:41:04.366)
Mm-hmm. Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Nathan (01:41:21.522)
It worked too. It actually worked. We didn't get another until the morning. We didn't get another, you know, I'm thirsty, I'm hungry, I'm having a nightmare, whatever. It was cute. Yeah, it was very, you know, it was very, very nice that night. But I think, and I'm sure Josh and you, Jenny, have or will experience that numerous times, but it was kind of fun to be able to pull a little trick out of the bag and keep that going.

Josh (01:41:52.623)
Lisa puts herself to sleep so does Xander. So they took away my thunder right there.

Nathan (01:41:55.224)
Hahaha

Nathan (01:41:58.902)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:42:01.266)
Lisa's older though. How old is Tan's niece? She's little.

Nathan (01:42:04.018)
They're actually the same age.

Jennie (01:42:06.582)
Really? I thought she was younger. Anyway.

Nathan (01:42:10.186)
Well, Lisa's just, I mean, she's Josh's daughter, so Lisa just is twice as big as.

Josh (01:42:10.507)
Cool, we'll see you soon.

Nathan (01:42:17.282)
She's just tall. She's gonna be in the NBA in two years. Yeah.

Jennie (01:42:18.614)
She inherited the, the six four linebacker build.

Jennie (01:42:30.581)
Um...

Well, is there anything that we haven't touched on that you guys wanted to say about dad?

Josh (01:42:43.807)
could fit on a good variety of ways, experiences and memories that pay good tribute to the man he was and there'll be plenty more as we move forward to small things that we can take from it but I think we definitely give him a good tribute and way to move forward.

Nathan (01:42:45.751)
Yeah.

Nathan (01:43:01.614)
That and I, yeah, exactly moving forward. I hope this, at least in some way, honors him and maybe gives him insight, but just launches this thing forward, just like you said, Josh, like just like keeps this kind of going and is a healing and respectful way for you to keep moving on with this thing with him.

Jennie (01:43:29.778)
I definitely, I already feel better. I've had a lot of blockages and mental and, mental and emotional blockages about the podcast and just feeling very like alone with my thoughts about it and feeling like I,

Nathan (01:43:37.284)
That's personal.

Jennie (01:43:57.482)
I can't see the path forward, but I already feel just doing this episode and talking about him already has me feeling like maybe I can. And we have lots, all of the guests, we've pushed out all of February's guests and I pushed everybody out to March 15th. So we now have guests.

Nathan (01:44:22.541)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:44:26.866)
all through April. And then I'm gonna fill up May as well. So yeah, so there's, so we still have guest experts coming on that I'll be talking to, but I'll also be inviting family.

Jennie (01:44:52.518)
What are, oh my God, words. Um.

Nathan (01:44:57.266)
Okay, this isn't an audio.

Jennie (01:45:00.298)
girl, adult children and their parent or parents on to continue having these intergenerational discussions. So I have a lot of guest experts lined up that I've had lined up since last year that I've just had to reschedule while we were grieving and processing and all of those things. But I want to

I don't want to lose the part of the podcast where there are, it's me and like potentially a boomer or a Gen Xer or, you know, and having these different experiences of parenting. But then also I want to bring people on who have a story to tell about a parent-child relationship that's been healed. And so if there's anyone listening who feels like they have a story to share in that realm, we would love to have you on.

Nathan (01:45:49.94)
No.

Jennie (01:46:00.146)
You can email me, the link is in the show notes or it's just jenny at jennyb.co. And yeah, so I want to keep that piece of it going. I think those conversations are really important. And it's important for people to witness that it is possible, that healing is possible. Those conversations can happen.

Jennie (01:46:28.326)
And then the last thing that I remembered is that Nathan, you had found a soundbite of Dad and Judy talking to Lisa. And so do you...

Nathan (01:46:35.363)
Mm, mhm.

Nathan (01:46:40.019)
Mm-hmm.

Jennie (01:46:45.762)
Um, we had talked about kind of tagging that onto the end here. Is that something just to leave? Okay. So you can send that to me just to leave everybody with like a little, a little witnessing of, you know, the kind of grandpa and person that dad was just listening to this cute little conversation between him, him and, and his granddaughter. I think it would be nice.

Nathan (01:46:49.258)
Yeah, yeah, I'll send that to you.

Nathan (01:47:09.133)
Yeah.

Josh (01:47:13.995)
Cool.

Nathan (01:47:14.234)
In honor, I know this is a part of the show that you're worried about losing out on. Probably biggest part of the show you're worried about losing out on was his dad jokes. Can I tell my favorite dad joke?

Jennie (01:47:30.32)
Yeah.

Josh (01:47:30.612)
Go for it.

Nathan (01:47:32.159)
It's pretty raunchy.

Josh (01:47:34.759)
Well, probably most of them were.

Jennie (01:47:35.958)
Is it a dead baby joke? Okay.

Nathan (01:47:37.274)
No, oh my gosh, I would never now I want to because that's when dad told me but I wasn't going to go there

Josh (01:47:43.283)
I was about to throw pitchforks out there, but I held my tongue. Yeah.

Jennie (01:47:46.826)
Let's not, let's not.

Nathan (01:47:47.699)
No, I wasn't gonna do that. Okay, so it's a knock-knock joke, so who wants it?

Cause I'm, cause Josh, you want it? Okay. Knock, knock.

Jennie (01:47:56.075)
Josh.

Josh (01:47:59.179)
Sure, hit me up.

Who's there?

Nathan (01:48:04.489)
I eat mop.

Josh (01:48:06.767)
I eat my poo.

Nathan (01:48:08.158)
That's disgusting, man.

Jennie (01:48:13.254)
Nice.

Nathan (01:48:14.249)
You're welcome.

Josh (01:48:14.651)
Nice. Mm-hmm. A poo joke coming from Nathan. Wow. Amazing. He would have thought.

Jennie (01:48:17.654)
I hate my-

Nathan (01:48:20.318)
I mean, that's the you know what every four to five year old I tell that joke to just it kills. So yeah, that's my that's my favorite like under eight year old joke.

Jennie (01:48:29.722)
I mean, we laughed.

Josh (01:48:31.923)
You're a normal.

Jennie (01:48:37.752)
He's gonna be such a good uncle. I guess you are an uncle. You'll continue to be a good uncle.

Josh (01:48:39.738)
Mm-hmm. I can't wait.

Nathan (01:48:40.262)
Oh yeah. Yes. I'm always, you know, developing my uncle-ness.

Jennie (01:48:48.15)
To be fair, you are Lisa's favorite. Lisa has made it very clear that you belong to her and that you are the number one priority at any family gathering.

Nathan (01:48:50.454)
Yeah, you know, yeah.

Josh (01:48:55.961)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan (01:48:56.374)
You know, it's, it is funny though, because I have figured out what the secret to being the favorite uncle is. Because I also, like Uncle Mark growing up was my favorite uncle, although he was around a lot. My theory just busted, nevermind. Well, I guess when we were like living at the, at the Lake House and stuff, but he was, he was kind of a rarity. So I always thought, you know, it's like, it has to do with the one.

Josh (01:49:06.219)
Mm.

Jennie (01:49:15.218)
He was, no he wasn't.

Josh (01:49:18.924)
one year at the lake house.

Jennie (01:49:19.018)
Just that one year.

Nathan (01:49:24.91)
And I'm sorry, Uncle Mark, but like the one from a distance who puts like, not the, oh man, I don't want to phrase this way, because this is what I do, but the least amount of effort in and you're just like, you stay distant and that's, that's how you get to be the favorite apparently. Cause that's what he was for me, just because he was, you know, he was in New York or whatever he was, not that he didn't put in a lot of effort, but, um, it was just like that, uh, exactly the new ones or the, um,

Jennie (01:49:41.65)
You're the nuance.

Nathan (01:49:54.518)
the rare, the rare uncle. I'll try not to be so rare around you guys.

Jennie (01:50:00.878)
I don't know if I've been around any more than you have. We usually were there at the same time. Yeah. She would even, this one Christmas, and I don't know if she still does it, but she would crawl up, like you and Ton would be sitting on the couch together and she would crawl up in between you and physically remove Ton's hand from your lap or whatever. And like,

Nathan (01:50:07.286)
Oh well I'm just better than... Yeah. Hehehe!

Nathan (01:50:21.038)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan (01:50:24.522)
Yep. Oh, yeah.

Jennie (01:50:28.47)
push Tan away and like snuggle into you like he's mine. Yep.

Nathan (01:50:30.55)
Yeah, she would also growl. So like, so I'd give like Tana a peck on the cheek or something and then, oh, she did not like that. She would actually like growl at us and then like run upstairs. It was adorable. Yeah.

Josh (01:50:46.347)
Who does that?

Nathan (01:50:47.65)
Feels good.

Jennie (01:50:48.662)
She growls at you, Josh.

Josh (01:50:51.791)
Not as much as growling anymore, but she makes noises. Yeah, yeah, she's not, but she understands now we already have the discussion with her about how all that works and she still, she gets a little protective of mommy or daddy if we're around each other and of course sides with mommy for some reason. But yeah.

Nathan (01:50:56.071)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:50:56.393)
Yeah.

Josh (01:51:15.163)
Always have some fun moments with that.

Nathan (01:51:17.239)
Yeah.

Jennie (01:51:18.083)
jealous. Alright you guys.

Josh (01:51:20.099)
the impressions, the things they say. I always love them.

Jennie (01:51:26.154)
Well, thank you both for being here.

Nathan (01:51:28.866)
You're welcome. I'll send you my PayPal information.

Josh (01:51:30.319)
Welcome.

Jennie (01:51:34.838)
There is no money.

Nathan (01:51:36.963)
I'm pretty, I'll get a look at the contract again, but I'm pretty sure. And I'll talk to my agent because I don't usually like talking about that kind of thing, but we'll get back to you.

Jennie (01:51:45.331)
Hmm, okay.

Jennie (01:51:50.71)
All right, well, I love you guys. And thanks to everybody who's tuned in. This will be a little bit longer of an episode. We'll cut, we've had some things that we'll, well, nobody else will hear it. So, but we'll probably be about an hour and a half on this episode. So anyone who's still with us, thank you for listening in. This has been a very important episode for us. And-

Nathan (01:51:51.342)
All right.

Jennie (01:52:21.726)
Um, for the future of the podcast. So yeah. You guys want to say bye.

Nathan (01:52:28.61)
Bye. Love you. Thanks.

Jennie (01:52:32.266)
Love you. All right. Happy parenting and good luck out there.

Josh (01:52:32.601)
W-2.

Nathan (01:52:34.638)
Bye guys.