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For over 25 years Proverbs 31 Ministries' mission has been to intersect God's Word in the real, hard places we all struggle with. That's why we started this podcast. Every episode will feature a variety of teachings from president Lysa TerKeurst, staff members or friends of the ministry who can teach you something valuable from their vantage point. We hope that regardless of your age, background or stage of life, it's something you look forward to listening to each month!
Kaley Olson:
Hi, everyone. Thanks for tuning in to The Proverbs 31 Ministries Podcast, where we share biblical Truth for any girl in any season. I'm your host, Kaley Olson, and I'm here today with my friend and my co-host — and my almost desk-mate — Meghan Ryan.
Meghan Ryan:
Hi, Kaley.
Kaley Olson:
Hey.
Meghan Ryan:
I'm happy to be here.
Kaley Olson:
I'm happy you're here too.
Meghan Ryan:
We just wrapped up a conversation with our friend Rebekah Lyons. And, Kaley, I don't know about you, but I'm honestly pretty fired up about this.
Kaley Olson:
Yeah, I'm pretty fired up.
Meghan Ryan:
I took so many pages of notes, and I feel like I want to go overhaul my life one small step at a time, not all at once.
Kaley Olson:
Emphasis on the small steps.
Meghan Ryan:
Yes. Rebekah shared with us four ways to heal from being overwhelmed, and I don't know about you, but I'm constantly feeling overwhelmed in these four ways that we can heal. They're just super helpful. Plus, she may or may not have given us a recipe for paleo banana bread —
Kaley Olson:
I know.
Meghan Ryan:
— which know I would like to make. I mean, now.
Kaley Olson:
It's a podcast where you can be fed both spiritually and get a recipe for something that's good for your belly.
Meghan Ryan:
So I highly recommend a pen and paper for this one.
Kaley Olson:
Yeah, absolutely. We are so excited for you guys to hear this message. But before we get into that, I wanted to remind our listeners about two easy ways that they can partner with Proverbs 31 Ministries to help us continue to impact more lives by sharing God's Word.
And so the first way is absolutely free. I love free things, right? Like free messages from Rebekah Lyons and paleo banana bread recipes. But we would love for you guys to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Leaving a rated review and a written review not only helps us hear how this podcast is helping you in your specific circumstances and season of life, but it also creates more exposure for the show, helping us reach even more new listeners. So you can do that for free!
The next way to partner with us is financially through a monthly donation. And so I'm not talking about a big donation, guys, maybe just the cost of a cup of coffee each month, something like that. You can do so by becoming a Circle 31 member, which is our monthly partner program at Proverbs 31 Ministries. This is an amazing community of women who invest each month into the work God is doing here. And in turn, we give these members special access to fun things like a discount in our bookstore, free study resources and more.
They even have a really cool texting community where we've got this gal on staff — her name is Madelynn, and she's amazing — and she will get people's prayer requests and add them to a prayer list. It's amazing. So check it out, guys. Become a monthly partner at circle31.org.
Meghan Ryan:
OK, friends, enough from us. Let's go hear our conversation with Rebekah.
Kaley Olson:
OK. Meghan, I'm so excited that we're here with our friend
Rebekah Lyons. Welcome to the podcast, Rebekah.
Rebekah Lyons:
Oh, it is such a joy to be with you guys. How are you?
Kaley Olson:
We are so good.
Meghan Ryan:
We're good.
Kaley Olson:
We're happy to be here. Rebekah, if you don't know, is a friend of ours, and we love when our ministry worlds get to collide, so today's an extra-special treat for us. She has been a guest on the podcast before, but for those of you who aren't familiar with her, we'd like to give her a proper introduction.
She's a wife, a mom to four, an author, speaker, podcast host and retreat leader. She does a lot, but the heartbeat of what she does is to inspire others to take charge of their emotional health. And don't we need help with our emotional health, Meghan?
But, Rebekah, we know that you just released a new book called Building a Resilient Life. And so I would love to first give you an opportunity to tell our listeners a little bit about your message in your book.
Rebekah Lyons:
Oh, absolutely. Honestly, I think I was feeling what so many of us feel and can be tempted to feel at any moment in just this era of overwhelm. And that began before 2020, leading into COVID-19 lockdown and all of that isolation — but obviously it only got magnified in the last three years.
And so I had to really wrestle with the Lord on that in my role as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter of God who has been given birthright gifts and called to live those out. In a way I was fanning the flame of the gifts that I’ve received and yet [I was] feeling very burned out, very lethargic, lacking energy, with a mind that wouldn't quit, racing thoughts, sleepless nights, insomnia … It reached an all-time high. Some of my kids were struggling, too, and I just remember being on the verge of tears often. And I just didn't realize how I got there. I'd been married about 24 or 25 years at that time. And I had always felt like one who was strong, but I [suddenly] felt very fragile.
And I just went back to the Lord, and I said, I want resilience. It's like this aspirational thing, but it doesn't feel approachable. It doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel possible. It feels like ethereal, like this great idea, and “if only we could …” and this idyllic optimism.
But what would that really look like in a spiritual way, in a holy way? And so I just went back to Scripture and I just said, God, what does a holy resilience look like? And then I started studying the history of resilience. The Latin root resile was used in the 1600s, and that meant “to recoil or rebound,” which is how we get this popular refrain of “bouncing back.” But that still felt not real, right?
I'm like … We're not people who “bounce back.” We are people who endure tragedy and ambiguous loss without an end date. And we bear wounds and scars, and sometimes we feel like we can barely stand up.
And so I just go, OK, Lord, I want to continue to press into this. Because You call us to something in 2 Corinthians 4:8 about being pressed and crushed but not destroyed, about being perplexed but not given to despair. Why? Because we carry light shining in our hearts, and that is why we never give up.
And so the second part of resilience that was added to the definition to further expand it in the 1800s was “to resume the original position after a season of being compressed or bent low.” And that reminded me of Christ in the garden as the bruised reed, as the one who said to God, Can you take this cup? And knowing that the storm was coming, knowing that He would have to weather the storm, knowing that in the end He would have victory …
It gave me this grace and this peace [when I was] walking through a real hard season with my oldest [child], and 18 months in, I was just walking in the woods, saying, Are You going to lift this, Lord? And [I was] hearing in my spirit, Not yet, but I'll be here for as many wailing walks as you need. And something about the presence of His nearness in the bending, in the compression, in the bearing of a burden … All of a sudden, it just felt lighter knowing that, OK, He's with me, He sees me. This resonates with God. He knows what it feels like to actually be bent low, to be compressed and pressed and crushed. And all of a sudden, that just started a different shift to how I saw strength — [I started to think] we could go all the way down and find our legs and stand up again.
And I've heard it described that way, even about depression … that we're so afraid of the bottom. We're so afraid of the very worst possible scenario, whether it's anxiety or depression. And I will ask people, "Well, what are you afraid of? Well, why? Why are you afraid of it?" I just keep pressing into the root, the root wound of why we are so afraid of at the unknown or being overwhelmed or not being enough. And when we get to the baseline, we're able to really crack it open as to like … “Well, I'm afraid that I'm not worthy of love unless I earn it or that I'm unlovable.” Like, whatever that thing is that we get to the root of, when we finally get there and we say it out loud, the refrain I say in the book is, "I'm broken, and I'm afraid I'll never change. I don't have the possibility of change."
And just by saying something like that — something real, baseline in primal … almost in our DNA from how we were raised or whatever worldview we picked up along the way — that just is where everything began to shift for me. My husband, who I told this to, said, "We're all broken. You're just more aware of it." It almost just let the air out of the balloon and the secret “I'm not enough” thing. God just met me there and gently gave me legs to stand up again all of a sudden, even though circumstances did not change in that moment and were still in process. We're all in the process of healing on our journey.
But I found strength. I found hope. I found peace. I found grace, and it was enough. It was enough for that day. And then, the next day, it was enough for the next day. And all of a sudden, I was able to take life in these bite-sized chunks and wrote about these five rules of resilience in the book that really are just so baseline as baby steps to living a life of strength.
Because right now it feels so far-reaching, but when you think about it … Well, rule No. 1 is: Name the pain. It's just whatever's hard — just say it out loud. Find a safe person who can hold it for you and not try to fix you.
The second rule would be: Shift the narrative. What is it that you've made agreement with that [you think] is unrepairable. Ask God to shift that for you.
The third rule would be to embrace adversity. And that's not, like, going to do crazy jumps of adversity but taking small, actionable steps to grow your mind and grow your body through resistance.
And the fourth rule would be to make meaning — that is, find the purpose in the pain that you've walked through, and help someone else. That's part of your calling.
And then the fifth rule would be: Endure together. And I'll get into that as we continue to talk, but the idea is that we can't build resilient lives alone, and there's actually a real strength we draw from one another, and we almost take turns when each of us needs it. And I'm sure you know that, having girlfriends. It's like, "Who needs a cry today? And who can come around and lay hands and pray?” And that's why God gives us a household of faith.
Kaley Olson:
Wow. Well, I feel like even just hearing the way you described your book … Meghan, I don't know if you're feeling this way, too, but you really let us into how God has just walked you through this message. And for our listeners out there, there's no one who is not dealing with the sense of overwhelm. I mean, even having those moments like you had on your walk in the middle of the woods … We might not be in the middle of the woods, but we have those moments of just being like, God, are You going to show up? Help me because I'm so overwhelmed. And the answer's not always what we want it to be … But, Rebekah, I know one of the things that we know that you're going to talk about today is the feeling of overwhelm and how God's grace meets us in that, and that's just part of what your book is about. But I would love to give you the space to really share more about that topic with our audience now.
Rebekah Lyons:
Yes. Well, I'd love to jump into just some very beautiful scriptures that give us instruction on how to navigate overwhelm. Quite frankly, Scripture's full of [instruction], and it is a book of encouragement. And when you think about the definition of “encourage,” it's “to put courage in.” So it's putting courage in us when we open the Word. And when we read God's Truth through His Scriptures, we start to feel courage. We just can’t not. It is a book of redemption. It is a book of hope.
It is a book of promise, but it doesn't skip over the hard, and that's what I appreciate about it. It's not trite or cliché. There's a lot of depth, and there's a lot of heartache, but there's also so much beauty and redemption in the gospel. And so when we feast on the Word and we make it our manna every morning, it becomes a new mercy. Like it says, His mercies are new every morning, and part of what that means is that not only does the sun rise and emit a blue light that tells us to wake up, the birds to wake up, the animals to wake up, the flowers to bloom — and if you garden, you've got something growing overnight, which is crazy to think about — but there are also these new mercies. Meaning that God is the author of life, and He's a regenerative God, which means He's always doing something new every morning. And not only is He doing something new in nature every morning, but He's doing something new in you and me every morning.
Every morning that we wake up and invite God in, open our hearts, open our hands, open the Word, and just say, God, I'm here to receive what it is You have for me today … then all of a sudden, it gives Him free reign to give us this zoe life Jesus talks about, which means divine, eternal, resurrection power. This resurrection life that Jesus talks about so often in Scripture.
So I'm going to talk today about Romans 12 and life as a living sacrifice. And it's a popular passage, but I want to talk about it in the response to being overwhelmed — because there are very practical things laced throughout the scriptures that sometimes we treat as metaphor, and I don't believe they are. I believe this is literal. And I believe this is something that we take and we do. We read the Bible, and then we go do what it says.
And so I'm going to start here in Romans 12:1: "Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship." Verse 2: "Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God" (CSB).
So I want to start back and review verse 1: "I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice." When we hear the word “bodies,” we might think that that's [theoretical,] like, Oh, that's a great idea. Let's take notes and write that down. Let's present our bodies. But Paul was talking about our actual bodies — like, our physical bodies, our hands and feet, our heartbeat, our pulse, our anxiety, our racing mind, our insomnia, our unrest. Maybe the little tics we have when we're nervous or our sweaty palms or just the cadence that we have when we walk … our whole bodies. And he's saying, "Your bodies are a living sacrifice, and they're holy and pleasing to God." When you present your whole body, and when you get up and you go out and you do things, this is an act of worship.
And so the reason why I think this is so important is that currently we can be in our minds and not use our bodies at all. We use our brains, and we think, but we are very sedentary. But it says here in verse 2, "Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” And I want to let you know that you transform an overwhelmed mind by presenting your body as a living sacrifice.
There's a connection between the mind and the body that we take for granted, that we don't often talk about in the Church, but very historically, over centuries, societies have always healed from trauma in four primary ways. And the first way is through community, tethered to clan or tribe. Well, you've got to be in relationship and using your bodies to just show up. Show up. We didn't have screens back in the day, a long, long, long time ago. You had to be embodied.
And then the second thing is … "Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the
renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is good, pleasing, and perfect will of God” (Romans 12:2, CSB.) I just look at our age right now and think, What is the spirit of the age? The spirit of the age right now in our current moment is to actually be the opposite of embodied. It's to be virtual. It's to be on a screen. It's to be filtered. It's to be edited. It's to not really show up. It's actually to be very fractured.
And so because we live in a way, in an age, that … I'm not saying there are not good things about it — I'm able to talk to you right now through just the marvel of technology. So it does bring good things. We can talk to people long distance, and we can even see people's faces long distance. We can hear voices that we might not be in the same room with, and that is something to be grateful for. But what that can't replace at all is real people who actually bear burdens together, who hold us when we cry, who nurture us through touch, who comfort us with a hug, and who hold space for us when we're walking through pain, when we're walking through overwhelm.
And so when you think about those prominent ways of being through community, the second way that we would heal from trauma would be through regulatory rhythms of movement. And that's again why Paul is saying “present your bodies.” Because all the time, throughout Scripture, scholars believe that Jesus walked up to 3,600 miles just when He did His three years of ministry, walking from town to town. It was in that range of around that number. And He would just say, "Follow me." And it wasn't like the disciples just wrote that down and said, "That's a good idea. I'm going to follow You as metaphor." No, Jesus meant, “Get up, and use your actual legs, and go with Me from town to town.” We get to be invited to be the hands and feet of Jesus. We get to move our bodies.
And so I started to study the science around these regulatory rhythms of movement, actual movement. And what does that do to a brain that is overwhelmed? And so I write about this in the resilience book … just the power of this idea of getting in a rhythmic movement with our bodies, somewhere between 60 to 80 beats per minute. And often that's walking, that's some form of swinging, or that's some form of rocking. That's why a baby is nurtured right out of the womb when it's being rocked. That pace, right around 60 to 80 beats per minute, is basically the resting heart rate of your mother when you were in utero, in the womb. And that was the pace that you heard life. That's when life formed. That is where, even in utero, you felt safe, you felt warm, you felt nurtured, you felt calm. You think about the value of the womb and how it sets the pace, the rhythmic, regulatory pace, for what we're all looking for the rest of our lives. We're all looking to go back to home, this place of safety and nurture and provision and warmth, so that we don't feel an ounce of anxiety, which is wild for me.
When I started to … When I have a racing mind or I feel overwhelmed or I feel anxious, I'll get out, and I'll walk in nature. Even sometimes waking barefoot in the grass will ground you and break off all the, just the frequencies from all the phones and the machines. But something about getting out in nature and then having a rhythmic gait of 60 to 80 beats per minute [like a heartbeat] is very calming. And all of a sudden, the things that made you so anxious before you left the house or all the kids and all the duties and all the tasks in the hurry and all of this — all of a sudden, all that begins to slow.
And so I talk about the signs of a walk that way. But then, also, as we have these regulating rhythms, they don't just end with walking. They end with playing with our kids, conversing with friends. And I just found that the more active I was during the week … I'm not talking crazy, rigorous activity. I'm talking like if I can get 10,000 steps a day in — I use the Pacer app (it's free) — and in the summer, if I can do about seven things outside, even if I just walk to another meeting or I walk to do a walking meeting around the block, it grounds the things that start to make me anxious. And so this idea of Jesus walking, of presenting a body that is moving is this regulatory way, gives us into healing.
The third way that society has always healed is obviously … [Actually let’s circle back to the first way:] through community because we are a communal people made by a communal God. The triune God said, "Let us make man in our image" (Genesis 1:26, CSB). So we need one another. And then we've got this movement that Jesus invites us to. And then the third thing would be belief in a higher power. Obviously, belief in God, a God we can trust.
You think about how, all throughout Scripture, God's heart was to redeem us back to Himself after the fall (in Genesis 3). And even after the Israelites were delivered from Egypt, they got to walk. They got to walk for a long time. They had a lot of regulatory rhythms, but what they couldn't see was the end in sight. And so they started not to have trust in God. And God goes, "I'll provide for you. I'll bring you manna. I'll bring you the things you need so that you can be sustained." And this idea shows that even in the waiting, God is working. In the waiting, God is working.
He is actually going to use all things for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). So this idea of this belief and faith and trust is how we heal, just leaning into going, I trust You, God. Even when God told me … Like I said earlier in this conversation, I asked, God, are You going to lift this? And He was like, No. But I'll be here. I'll be here for as many wailing walks as you need. I will not leave you, and I will not forsake you. I hold you. I hold space. I hem you in behind him before. There's a nearness that God has with us in this rhythmic healing.
And then the fourth thing would be some form of medicinal herbs or natural medicine. And so, as we see today in 2023, we've reversed that. Sometimes we jump straight to like, "What's the quick fix? Is there something that will make me feel better?" But as we know, all things that are truly transformative and truly healing actually require a lifestyle change. And so my encouragement out of this living sacrifice of being embodied is that, in life, what we really do want is a God who's near, who put on flesh and dwelt among us, who became embodied, and that was Jesus. It wasn't enough to worship God from a distance. He was like, "I'm going to put on flesh, and I'm going to come. I'm going to be the Word who comes and dwells among you. I'm going to be fully embodied so that you can see and know that you're not alone."
And that's what He did. And He came, presenting His full body as a living sacrifice — so Christ did this first before He invited us to do it. He then gives us a model of what it looks like to be fully human as a son of man, but then also as He's God. And so we get to watch Him have grace with people. We get to watch Him grieve, as a man of sorrows, well-acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). We get to watch Him sacrifice, love unconditionally. And yes, of course He's God, but He's giving us a vision and a picture of this as a man.
And He's allowing us to see that when we become more like Christ, we get to live a life that looks more like His. And the beauty is [that we get to say,] "Wow. Of course our flesh is still here, but how do I no longer become a slave to the flesh and become free in Christ?”
Galatians 5:1 says, [“For freedom, Christ set us free. Stand firm, then, and don’t submit again to a yoke of slavery” (CSB).] He calls you “free indeed” (John 8:36, NIV). And so this new way of being fully embodied through this rhythmic life … The Middle Eastern diet when Jesus was alive wasn't processed. So you even think about: How do we take care of our bodies, not just through movement but what we put in our bodies? Are we eating things that are made from a plant or grow on a plant? That's always my litmus test. Is this something that I could pick from the ground in the closest form to which God provides it, and it would be my nourishment?
And this is something that obviously took some time. Years ago, we did a Whole30 diet. The kids endured it — I'll say that. But it did shift how I saw food. And when I started cooking with food, like whole food and ingredients, I went from [having] a snack house to an ingredient house. And so, my kids were teens at the time, and their friends would come over and they're like, "You don't have food?"
I'm like, "We do have food, but it's going to require you making something." And then the food was amazing. The cookies were amazing, or the trail mix or the granola or the muffins or whatever. I just have this great paleo chocolate chip banana bread. I mean, just so many yummy things. But it does take some nurture and some care. It's not going to be fast, fast and quick, but it's going to be nourishing, and it's going to be natural so that your body can break it down so that it doesn't grow toxins or hang out in your body. It's not going to be something that just becomes a bigger problem down the road because your body doesn't know what to do with foreign things. And so this is just another example of asking, OK, how can we eat and move in a way that actually calms our brains?
I've discipled a lot of college girls over the last couple years. And all of them, every single one of them, have found a correlation that when they get more disciplined in their bodies, their brains follow. When they get more disciplined in the Word renewing their mind, when they get more disciplined with reaching out to friends, to initiating in community, to giving more than they take, they find joy in that. When they are watching what they eat, they don't get these highs and these crazy lows. There's more of just a consistent rest, like a restful state, a peaceful state, a joyful state. And so this living sacrifice is so much about renewing our minds so that the overwhelm and the anxious brain and the racing thoughts don't take charge.
I'd love to just end here in this chapter with verse 9 of Romans 12: "Let love be without hypocrisy … cling to what is good" (CSB). When you think about what God gives us in nature, what He gives us in relationship, what He gives us through His Word, what He gives us through family and a household of faith through community and the Church, these are things that are good. And in a tsunami of culture that's just touting all this hard news, bad news, drama, horrible things, that's what's coming at us. So my point is you've got to separate a little bit from that. It doesn't mean you ignore hard things and you don't care, but we were never actually meant to bear the burdens of the entire globe on any given day. Our bodies and our brains cannot even handle that. Our brains were made to actually care for the people who are in front of us. And again, centuries ago, that looked like a group of maybe … The lowest would be in the 60s to about 100 people. Maybe in the [inaudible] community, you get up to 140 people. And your community was very much formed by who you could feed and who you could protect. And those were the needs that you would be encountering daily, and you would actually have agency to help serve those people. And so you’d feel a lot of confidence: "I can do something to help what's hurting right here."
But we don't feel that now in the world. We feel so much there's something horrible on the other side of the globe, and we can't do anything about it beyond prayer, which is still very effective but ... So there's a sense of "I feel so burdened by the things I can't change that I don't have the agency or the energy to focus on the things I can change or the things I can invest in." And so I've had to get very mindful about caring, asking the Lord, Where is my circle of influence, of support, of caregiving, outside of my family? And how big does that number get where I can really steward well how to help and serve others? And so I would just encourage you cling to what is good that's happening around you, right in front of you. And just note that it says here in Romans 12:11-13, "Do not lack diligence ... be fervent in the Spirit; serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer. Share with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality." So this is a way to do that. Don't think about everyone — just think about who God's entrusted to you. In verses 15 [and 16, it says,] "Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. Live in harmony …" (CSB).
In verses [16-18], we find, "Do not be proud; instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone's eyes. If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (CSB).
So it's hard to have peace if we have an overwhelmed mind. And the peace comes by being smaller but stronger. Being slower but more restored, more renewed, slower but calmer. And the answer is: It's all about just dialing things in and bringing them back in. And then, all of a sudden, the overwhelm starts to fall away, and you start to really see what resilience is made of and what's worth fighting for.
Kaley Olson:
Wow. I mean, Rebekah, can I be very honest with you right now? Ok, so I'm a mom. I have an almost-17-month-old son. I work full-time, and I literally was just talking to my husband, Jared, last night about the concept of being disciplined outside of just surviving the day or surviving the week.
Because whenever I look … I started to look at the summer, and I got very overwhelmed last night. And I said to him, "Jared, we have got to get ahead of this." But I found myself in that place of not being able to start it yet. And I know if I can lay it out, and I can see it, and there's discipline in preparing myself, I think I'll feel better. But as long as I keep taking this approach to “just get through the week, get through the week,” I'm always going to feel out of control and overwhelmed by the small things in my life. So this was a message for me that I know I'm going to go back to.
But one thing that I am curious about is: I think there are a lot of people like me who are listening to this, who are finding themselves in the place where they have recognized, OK, there's a lot going on in my life. I'm overwhelmed. Rebekah is a wonderful teacher. She's obviously been through this. But how long did it take her to feel overwhelmed?
How long was that process? What did it look like for you? How did the Lord transform you in that season?
Rebekah Lyons:
Well, I would love to tell you that it's a one and done, but it's not. It's a rhythmic life. It's a rhythmic life. So I've been doing this for years. Anytime I feel anxious, I'm like, "OK, kids, I'm going to get outside." Now, I know in the office … I'm in the office right now. Sometimes I'll go, "OK, I've been sitting in the same chair for three hours. We are going to go for a walking meeting, and we're going to walk around the block and go or walk to lunch.” We live in downtown Franklin, so it's a little easier to do that, but there has to be movement in your day. There has to be so your brain can calm back down. So it's really less about [questions like:] What's the big vacation you took that restored it all, and how long did it take? It's more about asking: Today, what is the action item I need to take so that I enjoy this day at work so that I'm not just “getting through it,” but I'm finding some laughter here, finding some light? There's a levity. There's a little bit of an ease. How do I bring ease back into my everyday life? But I would say there are seasons. As I'm sure you guys know, I just launched this book, so going into launch, my rhythms were starting to slack because the to-do list just never ended. And I still can be tempted to go, "We're just going to get through this." I see your smile, [Kaley!] We're going to hang on for dear life —
Kaley Olson:
Survive the week.
Rebekah Lyons:
— and we're going to get through this. The minute I start saying "we're going to get through this" about things that are really fun and should be celebrated, I'm like, OK, Rebekah, you've got to go back and dial it in. Why are you slaving to something that's a gift? And are you putting all the control of the outcome back on yourself? Or are you trusting God?
So because I had a very hard spring and at the end of a book launch I always feel burnout, I'd like to change that. In fact, I talked to my publisher yesterday and I said that ... but what it meant was last week. It was a whole seven days where I made sure I was outside — it was our vacation week, so it was easy — and I [decided] I was going to walk 10,000 steps. And we were going to play a bunch of games, whether it was golf or pickleball or whatever. I was going to be outside about eight hours every day because it was a nice weather. And so I know we can't all do that normally, but you might be able to pick a week where you're like, "I'm going to reboot and I'm not going to be sedentary. I'm going to actually be active. I'm going to have intentional play.” [For my family,] we would play board games or we’d play corn hole or something that just requires just some play. And honestly, in one week's time … I also listen to audiobooks while I walk or move so that I'm growing, too, and then being inspired by those books because I have found even in the rhythm of walking, I retain better when I'm moving with an audiobook versus just in the car driving. My brain starts to wander. But all that to say: I told my husband at the end of that week, "Babe, I feel more inspired and refreshed than I have felt in a year." Just from one week.
So I guess my instruction or my advice would be find out how you can have a rhythmic Sabbath annually, a rhythmic Sabbath weekly, and then rhythmic Sabbath moments daily. And if you can do that — even when you get home tonight, you could go for a walk at sunset, which emits natural red light, which is natural melatonin for your body — it's already helping. God's nature is trying to help your body get back into the right rhythmic state so that you're not overwhelmed. We just have to get outside more, and we have to be moving more. And then I like prayer walks. I like talking to God as I move.
I also think it helps really us as we age. I'm 49. I just turned 49, and I'm looking at the next 30, 40, 50 years. And none of us know our days, but part of all natural science in medicine is telling us is that the more we actually engage God in the movement, the less ailments [we have]. It's just data. And studies show that the less ailments we start to accrue, it's because we were made to actually be in rhythm. And so that's an encouragement for all of us. You don't have to have this massive plan.
And when you say, “get ahead of it,” I would just say to add one thing that’s restorative every day, and don't negotiate. [Just decide,] "OK, dinner is in the oven. I'm just going to walk around the block. Or I'm going to walk the dog. Or I'm going to go on a bike ride." Summer's a good chance to do those things, and they're free. So that's just my first little bit of encouragement there.
Kaley Olson:
Yeah, for sure. Meghan, I know you have something that you want to say too.
Meghan Ryan:
Oh, yeah. Even just thinking about what Rebekah was sharing, the idea of one small step —
Kaley Olson:
Yeah, for sure.
Meghan Ryan:
— of restorative [practice] every day. I've been in a big slump when it comes to movement of just not wanting to exercise, which is very out of character for me. And I was talking to a friend yesterday and I was like, "I just have to get to the parking lot of the gym. If I can just get to the parking lot, then I will go inside, and I will move. And even if it's not as strenuous or I'm not lifting as heavy weights as I used to or whatever, if I can just get that one step forward, that discipline is eventually going to change my desires.” And that's true in all areas of life. When we discipline ourselves to spend time in the Word or get outside, the more we do it, the more we desire it, and the more we can tell its absence. And so I think just everything you shared, Rebekah, has been super practical and helpful.
But before we wrap up this conversation, I know one thing that I get asked about a lot, and I know our audience is thinking of … You said the first step toward this is community. [I’m sure there are] gals who are just like, “I don't know where to start with that — how do I find those people? How do I engage? I feel lonely and isolated or maybe misunderstood or left out." What is one step you would just advise the women listening [today to take] toward finding that community?
Rebekah Lyons:
Well, I would imagine you have had a friend in your life somewhere along the way. And maybe you're new to a city, and it's hard to figure out who that is right now. Or maybe you've had friends who just grew distant. I would say the first step was just ask the Holy Spirit right now to give you a name, just like, Who would You like me to reach out to right now?
And it could be somebody just from this current season that you just don't ever see much. Or it could be someone who you knew 20 years ago, 10 years ago. I would text them. I would text them right now, and I would just say, "Hey, the Lord brought you to my mind, and I am thinking about you, and I hope you're doing well. Would love to catch up." If it works, do that via phone or FaceTime, or maybe you could even grab a coffee if they live local. You have to initiate. You just have to be the friend you wish to have. And I've talked about this a lot in friendship. You have to be the person you would want for a friend. And that partly begins with being the one who reaches out. And it's not big risk. You're not throwing a dinner party. It's like you're just putting something out there, going, "I've been thinking about you." And then you say "maybe we could go for a walk" or "we could meet for coffee" or "we could just catch up —I'd love to hear how you're doing." I have friends who I still don't see over time, and I can still feel trapped in loneliness, but immediately, when I go to my phone, that person is like, "Thank you for initiating and inviting me. Yes." Nine out of 10 times, it’s always a yes — because someone just wants to be invited and thought of.
So I would just say I would start there. Start there. God, who's the person You'd have me reach out to right now? I'm going to send them a text, and we're going to grab a way to connect. And then, once you do that, I'm telling you what's going to happen in your brain is that the dopamine in your brain and this idea of connection, after you come out of that coffee or that conversation, will be so supercharged that you'll have this happy hormone serotonin happening because you had real connection, and you might have shared something vulnerable, and they might have responded. Then you're going to go do it again, and you're going to go do it again. And it's this domino effect, like you said about getting to the gym. It's the same with friendship. Just the domino effect of taking that very first small step and feeling confident in doing it.
And then when they respond with a yes, keep going. And then before you know it, in a month's time, you'll be like, "I have four things that I can't ... I'm not sure how to get all this in." But it's beautiful. It's just that all of it is baby steps. Walk in step with the Spirit — that's my greatest advice on all of this. Walk in step with the Spirit. And that means going, God, every day, show me how to move my body. It could be the gym. But for some people, like, the gym's too intimidating. It might just be, like, going to enjoy nature right now. Go on a hike, or do whatever, but walk and step with the Spirit physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually. He will guide you. He will be your healing, your counselor, your comforter and your advocate.
Kaley Olson:
That's so good. Meghan, I know we were just talking about that recently about how hanging out with friends can give you a lot of times the energy that you need in the moment, even whenever it seems like a big ask of energy of yourself to hang out with other people.
Rebekah Lyons:
Yeah, always. I'm like, "Oh, I can't do this. Oh, I've got too much." And then I leave and I'm like, "Oh, I'm so filled up.”
Meghan Ryan:
You're so glad that you did that.
Rebekah Lyons:
“I'm so filled up right now." And I write about that in the first rule of resilience, “Name the pain.” Like, the more we even are vulnerable in our journey with friends, they respond in kind. And then that connection is so strong that you're like, "I can't believe that we went a year without talking. I miss you so much." Just those little things like that … just leading with vulnerability.
Kaley Olson:
Yeah, for sure. Well, Rebekah, thank you so much for coming on the show today and really just teaching us how practically God has woven His grace in verses like Romans 12:1-2, teaching us how to take the overwhelm out of our lives. It's so comforting to me to know that this doesn't ... I don't have to add one more layer of complication to uncomplicate my life. It can be easy.
Rebekah Lyons:
Right, amen.
Kaley Olson:
So thank you so much for that reminder. And I want to get our listeners connected with you. So first of all, if this message was helpful for you, which I know it definitely was for me, grab a copy of Rebekah's book, Building a Resilient Life, using the link in our show notes.
And I want you guys to connect with Rebekah on her website at rebekahlyons.com. And on Instagram. We'll link all those places in the show notes. But, Rebekah, I do have one question for you. You mentioned paleo banana bread.
Meghan Ryan:
I was just about to say that.
Kaley Olson:
I know. Meghan and I are like, "We need this recipe."
Meghan Ryan:
Yes, please send it to us.
Kaley Olson:
We like healthy.
Rebekah Lyons:
I know. I will.
Kaley Olson:
Can we get it? Can we get that?
Rebekah Lyons:
It's so easy. It's what do you do with rotten bananas — it's perfect. Just a little almond flour. I'll get it to you. You could even put that in the show notes if you want. Yes, I'll send it.
Kaley Olson:
Ok. We're going to do that because we need that.
And we don't want to leave without our listeners hearing about Circle 31, our monthly partner program at Proverbs 31 Ministries. We created Circle 31 for those who invest in what we are doing at Proverbs 31 —things like our podcast and free devotions and social media posts, Bible studies and more. Through a reoccurring monthly donation of any amount, you are helping us bring biblical Truth to any girl and any season. And so we want to get you connected with that community in our show notes.
All right, friends. Rebekah, again, it was a treat to have you on. Meghan, thanks for co-hosting with me.
Meghan Ryan:
Oh, my gosh. Happy to be here, always.
Kaley Olson:
It's the best! At Proverbs 31 Ministries, we believe when you know the Truth and live Truth, it changes everything.