A Return to Self

The right doors do not open until you become the version of yourself meant to walk through them.

This episode moves through that shift. Outgrowing what once fit. Letting go of what felt safe. Stepping into something that changes everything.

Not ready. Still going.

What is My Inner Musings?

My Inner Musings is a space for the thoughts we often keep to ourselves.
I talk out loud about life, relationships, change, and the patterns we notice as we grow.
These are real reflections from a lived life, shared with honesty, humour, and curiosity.
Nothing is polished. Nothing is solved.
Just honest musings, spoken in real time.

The right doors won’t open for you until you’re a version of yourself that’s supposed to walk through them.

It’s a quote I saw after an afternoon catch-up session with a girlfriend of mine. It had been a while. We were both on the precipice of two very different journeys, ones we’ve talked about for years. Now the moments are finally here. Unknowingly, we’ve both been plotting our individual courses, paving our way in the world.

But it’s so true. For ages we wanted to do X, Y, Z, talked about it. I could imagine it. I could see it. But until this last year, I wasn’t ready. I’d held on to the previous version of me. That was comfortable. Comfortable with the status quo, with her job, friendships, life, etc.

Then something shifted. I’d outgrown her. She slowly woke up. She felt that things no longer fit in the way that they used to. She’d outgrown friendships, interests, jobs that were her foundation.

Then it hit, if not now, then when? What’s the worst that could happen? And why not?

So one day, she decided to publish her thoughts and bits, her inner musings. Not for validation or approval, for she’d also outgrown that as well. As she treaded carefully with her newfound freedom, she explored her curiosity of her own creativity. She found a new version of peace. She allowed herself to be imperfect, to learn a new skill, to find meaning and purpose.

Slowly, uncurated, she released those parts of her to the world in a way that felt safe. While she was taking a leap, she needed the safety of anonymity to protect the fragile inner child whose growth she was still slowly nurturing.

This project was born in a return to self. She had been slowly growing towards without even ever really knowing it.

I’d taken the decision to go for something that I wanted, against a lot of odds, opinions, contradictions, something that would change the course of my life. So much so that I’m leaving it all behind.

Through the process of making that happen, I’d been pushed so far out of my comfort zone, discovered pieces of me that had been dormant for so long, realized how much I’d outgrown my inner circle and world.

In that, I found the comfort of writing again. That was the birth of my inner musings, a compilation of self-exploratory journey of uncomfortable moments, inner realizations, thoughts that kept floating.

I didn’t want the world to see me because I didn’t think that they’d understand. Truth is, they do in their own ways, and we can all relate in our own.

Through this, I’ve discovered a different form of connection. Sometimes all it takes is one person to say the thing that’s been on your mind for you to realize that we aren’t alone.

Sometimes it feels so lonely to grow up and walk through the doors you wanted to. Nobody understands or can’t see what’s on the other side the way we do. It’s not for them to understand. It’s for us to know it’s time to walk through those doors.

The long road that got me here is the same one that prepared me for this journey. As I look around, prepared to temporarily give up everything that I’ve worked so hard for, to live a different experience in the name of serving a different purpose, knowing that this journey is the same one preparing me to walk through future doors, ones I also dreamt of, but still need to gain more knowledge and wisdom along the way.

For every step in the direction that got me here, I am grateful to all of those who have crossed my path and on this journey, either as a lesson or a blessing. Equally grateful, I see that much of me, of who I am, is because of those who’s crossed my path.

This new version of me is walking through that door, self led, with a newfound form of self trust and inner knowing. Because she took the first steps, the path to purpose will slowly be revealed to her along the way.