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Unashamed Unafraid is a show dedicated to being unashamed about sexual addiction recovery and unafraid of coming unto Christ for healing. Pornography and sexual addiction are not something you are stuck with to manage your whole life. We share real stories of recovery, the best resources, information from experts, and answer anonymous questions with those who know. All to help you on the path of being 100% healed from pornography and sexual addiction.
Sam: Hey guys, this is Sam.
The following episode is a
never-before-seen clip of me, Chris,
and Joshua discussing gratitude.
We've been saving this for
months for this very special
time in your lives to post it.
Which is also another way of saying
we recorded this back in December, and
I forgot to edit it until last night.
Whichever version of that story you choose
to accept, I hope you enjoy the episode
Welcome to another episode of Unashamed
Un afraid . . Unashamed of sexual
addiction recovery and unafraid
of coming unto Christ for healing.
Joshua, you know what I'm grateful for?
What are you grateful for, Sam?
Guess.
Me.
Nailed it.
I knew he had to say it.
I
Sam (2): was gonna say him.
Chris stole the show.
Sam: I'm grateful for you too, Chris.
Sweet.
Well, I mean, we just had Thanksgiving.
I actually have been thinking
about things I'm grateful for.
Probably one of the things I'm most
grateful for right now is I, I'm just
grateful for a relationship with God
that's not so stained by the past and I,
I wouldn't say that, I have a consistent
relationship with God right now.
But I don't believe that He hates me
anymore, and I'm really grateful for
that 'cause there's a lot of peace
that comes into my life because I
know that grace exists, and I know
that love exists, and I'm really- And
I'm pretty sure He never hated you.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did I say anymore?
Yeah.
Iâ¦
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, that's funny.
There's probably still some
remnants in the back of my mind-
Right ⦠'cause genuinely, when
I was a kid- Totally thought He
did ⦠I was like, "Dude, He hates me.
It was, it was pretty damaging the way
that I spoke to myself and, and I, like,
I had to do some serious trauma therapy
to, like, forgive God for, like, the
way He never actually felt about me,
yeah.
It was s- it was such a weird grieving
process, but I really felt that way
about myself, so I'm grateful for that.
What are you guys grateful for?
Man, my sobriety, my life, my
clients, my wife, and my kids,
like, like, they're justâ¦
Especially with my wife, , everything that
we've gone through and just so grateful.
I'm grateful for my house
and the cars that get me to
and from where I need to go.
And people may look at some of
my cars and they're like, "Why is
he driving such an old beater?"
Like, I mean, I've gotâ¦
I bought, dude, I bought my
truck with 13,029 miles on it.
I'm at almost 265,000
miles on that sucker.
How long ago did you buy it?
I bought it in 2007.
Nice.
18 years.
And that thing fricking runs like a champ.
Nice.
I could s- remote start it from
here, and you guys will hear it,
and it's awesome, and it'sâ¦
I freaking love to drive my truck,
but I'm grateful because it gets
me to and from where I need to go.
Mm.
I'm grateful that Chris's
hair always looks so perfect.
I've just been sitting here listening to
him talk, and I was like, "Look at that.
My gosh."
Where do you go to get your hair cut?
Does Autumn do it?
No, my sister-in-law does it.
Oh, your sister-in-law.
I go up there every three weeks.
She gets the angle so perfect.
Oh, my gosh.
It is this thing of beauty.
Like, she sculpts that.
She do- she does, and then
I'll be like, "You know what?
You need just a little bit more
right there, and you're good to go."
That looks good.
If she lived closer, I'd be getting
it, I'd be in every two weeks.
But- ⦠she's an hour away, so.
Wow.
So why does gratitude matter in recovery
? Because I think it changes
your thought processes.
Because so many times as addicts, we will
focus on, all the negative shit in our
lives, and the negative things that happen
to us, and the stresses that we've got,
and all the things that we don't have.
And, and I don't have recovery,
and so I'm a piece of crap.
And so we, we just keep beating
ourselves up over and over again.
Just the spiral.
Yeah.
That's what you were- Right ⦠talking
about before, the way that you
looked at yourself before you
entered into recovery, the way that
your relationship was with God.
It's always a spiral-
Yeah ⦠of negativity.
Yeah, it was like the only thing
that motivated me, but it would
motivate me until it didn't.
And it, you know, I'd, I'd have
a little bit of motivation , and
then I would just crash.
Because I was just motivated
constantly by fear, and I was afraid
to let that go because I never
had any other system . Just shame
yourself into doing things 24/7.
Yep.
It works till it doesn't.
Totally.
There's something that Trish Lee,
that we just recorded withâ¦
Was that how you say her name?
Yeah, Lee.
Yep.
She just said that- Dr.
Trish Lee ⦠you're, you're either always
in, you're in a spiral, no matter what.
It's either a spiral
down or it's a spiral up.
Mm.
Yeah.
And I feel like gratitude is a
really good way to stop the spiral
down and reverse it back up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So what would the opposite of
gratitude be ? Like, entitlement?
The opposite of gratitude, entitlement.
Um-
Maybe I'm thinking of
Well, that's what lust is
Explain your thought process Uh if you've
ever read Unwanted by Jay Stringer, he
talks about the role of- Ungratefulness?
Yeah.
Yeah, I gue- I guess that's
actually technically the word.
I mean, I, I just looked it up.
I was like- I've- ⦠what
is the opposite of gratitude?
It's ungratefulness.
Ungratefulness.
Ingratitude.
Well, Jay Stringer talks about the
concept of, , entitlement Entitlement,
that's what it was ⦠Jay Stringer
talks, Jay Stringer talks about the
role of entitlement in lust, right?
I'm entitled to this.
Like, it's why a lot of times men will act
the way that they do- Mm ⦠towards women
. It's an entitlement towards your beauty.
I need to use it in order
to feel good, right?
Because if you don't give me
your beauty and your acceptance,
then I'm not good enough.
So we develop an entitlement
that protects us.
Mm.
That's a really good opposite
to gratitude, I think.
Yeah.
Instead of being grateful for what you
have, it's believing that you deserve it.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But what about you believing
that you deserve God's love?
Ooh.
Uh, I I think entitlement is, is believing
that you deserve things which you don't.
Yeah.
Mm.
It's, it's- Yeah, totally ⦠I
think that you deserve God's love.
I just do.
Like, Jesus seems to think so anyways.
- And I just brought it up just
to kind of clarify, right?
No, it's, it's true.
You're right.
Yeah.
Right.
It's, it's just because it's not
actually true that you deserve
those things, and it's not actually
healing to have them.
yeah.
And it's not actually true of yourself
and your relationship with others.
But it's 100% true of your
relationship with Jesus . Yeah.
And I would say you're entitled to
that love because Jesus says so.
But not Because you deserve it on paper.
That's the difference.
Yep.
So with gratitude, so I, I have a buddy
of mine, comes to boot camp, , like
three years ago, and right after that he
starts sending out texts of gratitude.
Sends it out not just to me, but he sends
it out to, like, I don't know, 50 or
100 guys every single day, without fail.
How long has he been doing this?
Sends it out every day.
Like two or three years.
Dang.
, So I text him.
This is maybe, like, I don't
know, less than 30 days ago.
Um, I texted him.
I'm like, "Hey, I work with a lot
of my clients and talking to them
about gratitude and the benefits
of gratitude, and you've been
doing this for two plus years.
You send it out to, to a ton
of men, and just wanna know,
like, why are you doing this?
What has it done for you?"
And like, I mean, some of the stuff that
he sends out, it, it's so simple that he
do- what he does, it's like, um, it'sâ¦
He'll, he'll be simple, "I'm
grateful for dress down day."
I'm grateful for, grateful
for that when I hear truth.
If my heart is broken and contrite,
that my heart can hear the voice of God.
He'll send a quote with it or two
quotes in it with it and then a song.
So it's really cool what he does, right?
So I'm like, "Dude, tell me
like what has this done for you?
You've been doing this for a long
time, and you obviously enjoy it and
it's doing something for you because
otherwise you would've stopped."
And he responded.
I thought it was just gonna be something
like, just, "I, it's just life-changing.
It's been super cool, you know.
I feel God's love," or whatever.
No.
Helps me focus on the positive.
This is what the text is that I
get back from him: "Hey, Chris.
It truly has been an
extraordinary journey.
When I first began, it was born out of
sheer desperation, a desperate attempt
to silence the grip of addiction
and escape the shadows of drugs."
He was a drug addict, right?
"At the time, gratitude was little
more than a routine, a hollow practice
I clung to without much feeling.
I tried so hard to be thankful, yet
inside I felt consumed by self-absorption.
But over time, something began to change.
What started as duty and obligation
to myself slowly transformed
into, into something deeper.
My gratitude began to feel
genuine, no longer forced, but
flowing naturally from my heart.
Now, each morning as I kneel
in prayer, gratitude has become
a wellspring of strength.
It is the power that keeps me
connected to my Father in heaven.
It reminds me of my nothingness before Him
and of the truth that every breath, every
blessing, every moment is a gift from Him.
Every interaction with others,
whether joyful or painful, every
emotion, both light and heavy, has
become a token, a teaching moment.
Each one is an invitation to
grow, to understand, and to strive
to become more like our Savior.
Gratitude has shifted from a practice
of survival into a sacred lens through
which I see life, a constant reminder
that His love transform even weakness into
strength and even struggle into love."
I was like, " Wow
." I mean, dude, uh, like I just got tears
in my eyes when I first read that.
I was like, "That is so good
and so powerful," constant
attitude of gratitude, right?
You hear the, that it's kind of cliche,
the attitude of gratitude, you know?
But, like, that is powerful in what
it can do, and I've seen that so many
times in, in many of my clients that
I'm like, "Get a gratitude journal."
There's super cheap ones on, on Amazon.
There's some, really cool one.
It's got a, a couple of
triangles on the front of it.
It's like, uh, we'll put, we'll
post it in the show notes.
But this attitude or this gratitude
journal talks about in the morning,
what you're starting your day off with
is three things you're grateful for,
three things you're looking forward
to, and then a, a daily affirmation.
Then at night, it splits it up and
it's like, what were you grateful
for that you experienced that day?
So it's a reflection, because
we don't reflect enough.
We may reflect on the negative things-
Hmm ⦠and remember the negative things
that we did- and all the things that
happened to us, and not reflect on
the things that, that we did and the
little things that we're grateful for.
I'm grateful that I didn't get in a
car accident today, or I'm grateful
that my car got me to and from,
work and it was an awesome day.
Or- We know you like your truck, okay?
Right.
So, so it's, it's stuff like that.
How grateful are you for your truck?
I'm super grateful, man.
And I'm grateful I have the skills
to work on it when I need to, right?
So that total attitude of gratitude
can really change your heart in,
in the recovery aspect of things.
And instead of focusing on the
negative things that I see in
my wife- Hmm ⦠focusing on the
things that I'm grateful for.
So that's what I'll tell some of my
clients, be like, "I want you to write
down three things you're grateful
for for your wife every single day."
So part of this comes from
my experience with Autumn.
When everything came out ⦠I, I
can't remember if it was, like, the
very last time everything came out
or after she tried to take her life.
But even on super crappy days- Every
single day, Autumn sent me three things
that she's either grateful for or
she loved about me every single day.
Wow.
And that changed her view
of me, of how she saw me.
She saw me for who I was,
not for what I was doing.
Even on days when I acted out and
she's pissed off and she doesn't wanna
talk to me, an hour later I'm getting
three things she loves about me.
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
That is powerful.
Or three things that she was grateful for.
Geez, dude.
Like, talk about powerful.
Talk about inspiring for me to come of,
become, coming from that side and, and-
Mm ⦠like acting out, and then I'm
still getting those messages from her.
I'm like, "Man, I wanna change.
I wanna do something with my life.
I wanna do something different."
It reminds me of President
Nelson's quote that the wayâ¦
It's, it's something like the
way we feel has a lot less to
do with our circumstances and
everything to do with our focus.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Life is going to have good and bad things
all the time, and if you feel like life
is bad, it's because your focus is wrong.
Yeah.
But if you have- There's parts that suck
⦠it would be really easy for you acting out
before you started in recovery to focus on
all the bad- I did ⦠and for your wife.
Totally.
I f- that's how I saw it.
Yeah.
That was it.
And then she chose to focus on the
good, and it had this profound impact
on the way you wanted to change.
Had a profound impact
on the way she saw you.
It's incredible.
The, like, the power in
that is, is- inspiring
So I w- I wanna challenge y'all out there.
I l- I love challenges, and I, I would
love to hear, like, what, how these
challenges, like, affect you, like,
if, if you're doing these things.
But I would, I would challenge all of
you listeners out there, whether you are
the spouse of an addict, whether you are
the addict, like, I don't care who it
is, but write three things that you're
either grateful for about you and your
life or whatever, or maybe if you're
having trouble seeing your spouse in
a, in a, in a different light because
you're seeing so much negative, take
that focus and be like, "What are the
three things I'm grateful for her for?
What are the three things
I'm grateful for him for?"
Like, what does that look like?
And do that every single day, and
watch what it does to your heart.
I promise you it'll change you.
It will change the way you see each
other, the way you feel about each
other, the things that, y- you know,
you start dropping labels that you
put on each other, all these negative
labels, because you start looking for
the things that, to be grateful for.
Every day you're like, "Oh, I gotta,
I gotta send her three things that I'm
grateful for, so I'm gonna start looking
for those things instead of being like,
'The negative things, that's what I'm just
gonna focus on, the negative things.'"
Mm.
We can always focus on
those negative things
And email us I was gonna say,
what if they, what if they posted
on their socials and they tagged
Chris and Unashamed Unafraid?
Yo.
Posted every day three things
that they were grateful for.
Tag- Tag me ⦠tag, tag
Unashamed Unafraid too.
Tag Unashamed Unafraid.
Tag Unashamed Unafraid.
Tag me.
My Instagram is @chrisbennettcoaching.
Like, let's go.
Yeah, we wanna see it.
Guys, thanks for watching.
Find us on social media
at Unashamed Unafraid.
Get access to our bonus content
by becoming an outsider on our
website, unashamedunafraid.com.
And until next time,
continue to live unashamed