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Created by Roselis Cortez • Co-host: James Stanley
Seam Notes explores luxury as behavior
How you think, how you move, and the standards you hold when no one is watching.
This isn’t about status or appearance. It’s about composure, discernment, boundaries, and self-respect. The things that quietly shape how you live.
Through lived experience, we talk about growth, outgrowing environments, and learning to move differently without losing yourself in the process.
No performance. No exaggeration. Just real conversations about what it takes to hold your own.
New episodes every Wednesday.
Roselis (00:00)
Whose permission are you still waiting for?
A lot of us are grown, we make our own decisions, we've built our own lives, And somehow we're still waiting for somebody to tell us it's okay. Getting that approval that the choices that we're making are okay.
James (00:25)
Yeah.
Roselis (00:26)
Right? we were given parameters growing up so i could say that my family
Ninety-nine percent of my cousins or my contemporaries went to college. Most of them have graduate degrees. They did doctorates in law or medicine or architecture or things like that. That's mostly what is in my family. It's that kind of brain. Right, but
It was expected that you would have that education.
James (01:04)
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Roselis (01:06)
And I took a different course. I did not go in that direction because I chose to go the other way. And so there could be a lot of circumstances where I would feel incredibly insecure.
based on the box that the family put
James (01:28)
Created.
Roselis (01:29)
us in or the expectation that was created where I would be looking over my shoulder about the choices that I had made and needing that approval.
James (01:41)
Right.
Do you question that today you think? No. I would think no.
Roselis (01:50)
If I did I probably would have chosen to go back to school and do some of those things. But for some reason I feel perfectly fine not having finished. My husband went back, got a degree, got a postgraduate degree. he's still considering doctorate. but
it was a necessity for him
James (02:10)
Yeah, yeah.
Roselis (02:11)
to have this achievement. it was more about the self, right? For me I'm talking about the fact that this was expected in the family. I didn't go in that direction. If I had felt that I needed that, I would have probably gone back and chosen that path even at a later age.
My mother, very very conservative. I chose not to live a very conservative life in the realm of female behavior, if if we get what I'm trying to say.
James (02:47)
I totally get you.
Roselis (02:49)
So it was you're proper you don't show affection to men in a specific way, this and that and the other. And I was like freedom, love,
Be it, take care of self, and please self, right? So those were very different choices.
James (03:09)
So you never needed the permission then. Sounds like it.
Roselis (03:13)
I think that there was a lot of insecurity that came from having those parameters put into place at the very beginning of my life, And when I started to make those choices, I questioned my position within the family. But what I remember very clearly recognizing.
is that I was choosing to honor myself, that I chose that luxury really early on in life. I chose I'm not gonna hear that because that's not where I feel right about the direction of my life. And so I was able to kind of hold that position. Where there are times that there were insecurities about it.
Of course, all those doubts and this and that and you go through a stumbling block because of your choices, whichever one of these two roads that I'm specifically speaking of today, or referring to today as examples, were, of course, there were those moments that I was like, my God, should I have done that? Or
why am I doing this job? And then something great would happen and then I'd be like, Well of course I understand why I'm working in this direction versus that,
James (04:38)
That's a luxury, right?
Roselis (04:39)
Exactly. Exactly.
James (04:41)
The luxury of you being able to, well, for one, connecting to self and listening, right? Having the wisdom to listen to self and saying, This is my lane and I don't need permission. Right? And I think there really isn't a bigger luxury than connecting to self and saying, you know, I believe in myself enough to go down this road. I got this. Screw ups and failures and all.
Roselis (05:07)
There was such freedom and there was also from those same insecurities and taking those steps, It gave me a great sense of self in reassuring that those choices I was making felt right. It was always when I deviated from those choices where I was doing it to please others or to meet others' expectations that there would be a dissonance within.
When was the first time that you felt like, Oh! I've chosen this as my path? where you broke out of those things from your family or or however you want to
James (05:52)
I you know, mine was very difficult. So I think I was very much a people pleaser. I was the golden boy at a very young age and a very ethnic family, cultured, old school. so I just did as I was told. And I learned to repress things that were very important to me, To be free and you know, etcetera.
And then in my teens I started to feel very angry about that. And I became a little rebellious.
Roselis (06:25)
Hold on, you've felt angry about repressing? Yeah. Okay.
James (06:28)
Yeah, being molded that I had to do this thing, Mm-hmm. And unfortunately, I became, you know, I got married, and I did this to please my family. And also please self. I can't say that I wasn't involved, Because there was a part of me that thought that's what I'm supposed to do because that's what I was trained to do. I was taught to do. This is this is the family Rockwell photo, You need to fit into this photo.
Roselis (06:53)
So it became your belief. Correct. Right.
James (06:55)
You know. Okay. and then fast forward years later I came out, very difficult time with that. and again I was holding on to what others thought I should be and who others thought James should do and very high expectations. You know, everybody thought I was gonna conquer the world. And I still think I may. But on my terms, right? On my term
Roselis (07:20)
There you go.
James (07:21)
Without asking permission. So where that shift for me was really you know, I had a very tough time with my family. I disassociated myself for ten years.
Roselis (07:32)
Is this do you mean in the period when you came out?
James (07:35)
When I was coming out I disassociated myself from the family. And I went to try to discover who James was. And that was really daunting. Because for the first time and I was in my mid twenties, I had no idea that there was no connection to self.
Roselis (07:51)
Okay. So that part of you didn't come in until a little later in life. Yeah. Okay.
James (07:56)
I wasn't even aware, I was just you're gonna run the family business and you're gonna get married and you're gonna have three point five kids and you're gonna do this and you're gonna work every day until you drop dead. And that's the success of life. And something about that didn't feel right in here.
Roselis (08:12)
Okay, so then you were feeling it?
James (08:14)
I definitely was feeling it. is this what we're supposed to do? Like I had a parent tell me, If you do this, no one will know and just do it because that's what society expects. And I was like, That can't be right. There's something wrong. And I was a child. I was twenty one, twenty two, but I was a very naive twenty one, twenty two year old. Okay. And I like, This doesn't sound right. How can I hurt other and lie to other, my partner, my wife? and that be okay.
Yeah.
Roselis (08:45)
Right. The deceit. Right. Right.
James (08:47)
So I knew right then there was a disconnect. And then you know, I disconnected, I went and found myself and trust me. I went and played. But it was wonderful. It was a wonderful time in my life because now I got it out of my system. And since, James has not asked for permission, I think I do ask I do listen to consciousness. Universe, whatever, and I do try to pay attention.
Especially at this stage in my life. I think that is the only place where I will say, Huh, let me kind of examine what's happening here and as long as I have the intention of not hurting other then let's go. You know.
Roselis (09:28)
it's it's interesting because when I think about asking permission, and I think about having made those decisions to break away from the family and to do the things that I did early on, I distinctly remember that feeling of the openness that happened when I made those decisions, if that makes sense, right?
Because we've talked about, hiding in the closet or under the bed or whatever, being in that space of fear and some of the anger that we carried through our teenage years and such that was kind of extreme. But being able to make these decisions or getting that feeling, and proceeding with it and
having quote unquote if you call it success, or non-detrimental repercussions if you will but just growth from them allowed me to give myself the permission to move in that direction
And to listen to the self that we're talking about, Because it was there. It was there very early on. The thing is I was never taught to listen to it, right? And that luxury bit that we really, really, really God I can't, I don't know that I can describe how important that piece is, right? In centering and listening
To self, to spirit, to universal energy, God, whatever you want to call it, right? Because it really always gives us that compass to go in the right direction, So that would be the permission, but it's all within. It still remains to be a within
exactly.
James (11:20)
You're asking self
but you're turning into self permission,
Roselis (11:25)
okay. So you were just saying the bit about hearing how you would be
told to do something and that nobody would ever know, And that made me think of the societal norms. Right? I mean, like I remember when I was younger, it's like you don't wear the same evening dress to a party where the same people are gonna be, a couple of years in a row or, you always have to
present yourself in this way and you always have to do all of these things and they were all pretend. And I remember rebelling to all of that as a child, I know we've talked about how style came into my world from
James (12:10)
A very young age.
Roselis (12:12)
from my taste. But it really I think came from those societal norms that I thought were ridiculous, you know.
Or the you have a conversation with somebody and then you say it differently to the other person and you present it this way. It's like, no, let's get this all out the way that it is, And so those are things that also feel like permission, The permission to just be openly who you are and transparent with the person that you feel intrinsically as, right?
James (12:47)
Do you think that's easier at our age or a certain age where as being young we had to fit in or there was more a need to fit in in school and so we're talking about truly just finding the luxury of being yourself and a hundred percent authentic, right? But can we do that at a super young age?
Roselis (13:03)
without looking for that permission. Right. Exactly. I think that you can
James (13:09)
Some of us need the permission and some of us don't. You know, at this stage in my life I'm not rebelling against it. I just really don't need anyone's permission other than really going inside and thinking with a clear intention, is this good or not?
Roselis (13:26)
And really the intention or that permission, at least for me, it's always and I really do mean this by always. Always has been am I harming other by doing this, It's not something that I think of in the front of the thinking it consciously, but my actions unconsciously have always been that.
Right. It's this am I by taking this action doing harm to anybody else? And if I do that then it's not an okay action, right?
James (14:02)
Which is huge guys. I think if we really think of intention first.
Roselis (14:06)
It's the one thing that should always
James (14:09)
What am I bringing to the table to help other? In every single instance of
Roselis (14:14)
Because as long as you're not harming other and you're taking care of self so that you can still be doing for other. You know, you were saying that example about being dressed and I remember there was a pair of shoes that I really wanted that My father got for me. My mother hated them. She hated them.
And every time I put on, she criticized that I had on, And I loved them. I wore them every day for probably months, right?
James (14:37)
Did you love them because she didn't?
Roselis (14:39)
No, I just I love them. He bought them for me and we get home and she's like, yeah, that's the ugliest pair of shoes I've ever seen. Da da da da da. They were cute, but she
James (14:48)
Are those like those shoes that you wear that I don't like that you think are super cute?
Roselis (14:52)
Kind of like that. Kind of like that concept. You tell me, my god, they look like this. And I am like, I love them. And it doesn't matter what you think. I love them. I love them. I wear them with skirts and pants and this this whatever. So we go on this trip. We are on a six week tour of South America. we started out in Rio. So we go Caracas Rio and Rio Brasilia.
Those were the first two legs of the trip. And we get to Brasilia and I open up my suitcase and my shoes are not in there.
Mother took them out of the suitcase and left them in Rio. Because she was so tired of telling me how much she disliked my shoes and me continuing to wear them. Right? That she took them out. But here's the thing, right? It's like I was angry. I was really angry. sure. You know, and that was part of all the anger that I've discussed before that I've had, right? Because of those things. It's like, my god, it was my suitcase. I put this stuff in my suitcase. It's my stuff. What are you doing? Right?
But it still didn't stop me from wanting to buy another pair and doing it all over again because it was my taste and it was my desire and it was my liking. Do you do you see what I'm trying to say? It was like all that time she kept criticizing it, she kept fighting it, she kept and she couldn't fight with me because I stood my ground on that,
James (16:31)
great.
Roselis (16:32)
Until she figure out a way to get rid of them.
James (16:35)
Could that be considered for young people listening or parents that a child's being rebellious?
Roselis (16:41)
Of course it is considered a child being rebellious. If you think that your child must do what you want them to do, but if you recognize that by allowing a child to express their likes and desires and wishes and extend all of that
They are creating their own personality because we're not here to be a reflection of you.
James (17:30)
See, I had a different experience growing up, but I can relate I wanted to play the piano as a kid. And my parents said no, girls do that. And she bought me a three thirty-five Les Paul Gibson. Very expensive electric guitar. And my uncles played. They were in a band. And I didn't like it. I tried, but I wasn't drawn to it. The piano to this day I melt. And I will teach myself one day how to play.
I so I had this thing in me where I wanted to sing and dance and play and write and I was told not to, So I would agree with you in saying that if you can encourage any living being, but especially a child, to just kind of figure out some things on their own, who they are, develop that as a young child, right? Thank God I had my ten year separation from my family and I went and did and did everything I could do, right?
Roselis (18:22)
Because that allowed you the luxury of not looking for the permission. Totally. Of creating that side of James that was able to have all those parts of self sitting at a table and be accepting and dine with all of him.
James (18:37)
You know, maybe I may I may even say that I'm envious and I've never thought of this till right now. Real time moment, guys. Okay. Maybe I'm envious.
young people that have lived a life from a child being able to experiment with who they are. Right?
Roselis (18:56)
Of permission.
James (18:57)
For not needing the permission.
Roselis (18:59)
Right, permission to be who they are. Not a permission to act in a specific way, but the open permission to be who they are. Absolutely
James (19:13)
Imagine who I'd be today.
Roselis (19:14)
There's so many different ways to take this particular topic on. Right. But you know, the bottom line is that, The permission that we give self, the openness in which we accept others and not looking over our shoulder for that approval from that voice or that memory of what was.
James (19:39)
And isn't this interesting? I think even at this age, third act, right? Mm-hmm. Society is telling us that we should have accomplished this at this age, that we should be this at this age. This is what we should be doing next.
You know, people say, aren't you ready to retire? I said, For one, no. I don't want to. There's so many great things I want to do And I'm not ready to conform or ask anyone's permission at this age. This is what I'm supposed to do.
Roselis (20:05)
That's exactly what this topic is. It's that, it's the societal norms, it's the expectations of aging, it's what we were supposed to do, I mean, the expectation was that I would get married, I would have children, and I would be retiring right now. I'm starting a whole new career that I don't even know where it's taking me, I'm doing a complete pivot and change. And I'm excited and it brings me joy and it brings more life. And you know, this is 60.
I mean let's get real,
James (20:31)
people in the third act are deviating from the plan and being more creative, more outgoing, and really going for it. And I'm like, how that excited me.
Roselis (20:42)
That's great, that's great and it should be exciting for everybody and it should be exciting for really young people that are listening to us as well because I think that when you are at the start of your life in your career, you think, my God, this is detrimental. I need to make a decision and I need to be on this lane and I need da da da da da da it's those expectations of that permission that you allow
yourself to have upon these things. But if you are in that stage, look at what old people are doing, because
there is time, that there are ways of redoing life and that you can be energetic and enthusiastic and looking forward to doing other parts of your life at any stage.
James (21:30)
And guys, you don't have to have it figured out. I know less now. Well, I'm willing to admit, how about this? I know less now than I did when I was twenty five. I thought at twenty five or whatever young age I knew everything. And I had to accomplish everything and now I look back and I'm like, my God, I knew nothing at that age. And I know nothing now in the sense of where I should be. I'm just going to do.
Roselis (21:55)
That's the beauty. It's in the action of the thing. That's where the beauty lies.
So this week, notice one place in your life where you've been waiting for the yes.
Who
Are you waiting to hear yes from?
James (22:14)
Great. Yeah.
Roselis (22:15)
Thank you for being with us. We'll see you again next week.