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You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
Welcome back to another episode of q and a with Chris. This is a new segment that we are doing here on the Dad Tire Podcast. Um, you can submit a question for Chris to answer by going to dad tire.com/question. That is an ano anonymous question that we will, um, pick and hopefully get to on the show. We would love to have you submit your question again, dad tire.com/question all the questions that I'm gonna be asking Chris today.
Chris has not seen them. Um, our goal is to just kind of see if we can get him to squirm a little bit and get him off the cuff. So we're gonna ask a series of questions during this episode and, uh, get Chris's thoughts. We'll just jump right in here, right, right off with a doozy. By the way, uh. Is there anything off limits in the bedroom for a Christian husband and wife, assuming that it is consensual?
Uh, yes. The introduction, the, the key aspects of sex that we have to take into consideration is to recognize that sex like marriage is supposed to imitate a reality that is actually found, um, more real in Christ. So marriage is this. This submission idea, it is servant leadership idea. It is this, um, even the trinity.
The trinity are equal in value, but different in role. And so we find that all over the bedroom as well. We find it in marriages. We are equal as persons, but we're different in role in function. Which is why God has called that, that, uh, monogamous heterosexual union between, because he's, because marriage and sex is a demonstration of a greater reality, which is Christ and his church and the way that we are loved and that the way that we are known.
And so there are some things that break that analogy, and that's what is considered off limits in the bedroom. So one of the things that breaks the analogy is that if one party is intentionally doing something that hurts the other one. So I think. Anal should be something that should be deeply considered to be off limits because there is a sense in which it, uh, hurts the body.
Doing that again and again can create, um, an just a situation where someone experiences permanent damage and I don't think God's love or the way that we love one another should ever, um. Impose that level of something on somebody else. So I think that should be off limits, uh, because that's not the way that God loves us.
He doesn't love us in a way that is going to have irreparable damage. Um, I think the second thing is any outside party being brought in that would be analogous to idolatry. Idolatry, right? If, if it's demonstrating our relationship with God, then inviting a third party and would be like inviting idolatry in.
So if you're using pornography to get. Aroused. If you're inviting a third party or you're swinging as a couple, those things are completely off limits because again, it breaks the analogy that God's trying to say of a nakedness in front of two people, a deep intimacy that's known. Now God doesn't have body, so all of the.
Analogies we have. You shouldn't think like the Mormons may, that God has a body, that he has a body of flesh and blood, and that he's aroused by things and that he impregnated Mary. The Bible does not lay that out at all. God is not aroused by anything. Um, he isn't sexual being. He, he's not attracted to people.
He doesn't get, um, excited sexually at all. So all of it's analogous and it's not real in terms of, um, when, when it, when we're using that analogy and saying God knows us, like two lovers know one another, all of those demonstrations are broken by inviting another party, by hurting one another. But then after that.
God seems to kind of put the ring on the finger and close the door of the bedroom and say, go for it. And so outside of those things, and I'm really trying to scour my brain and go, is there anything else that would be off limits? But I think those would be the major ones. Anything that has hurting somebody or um, demonstrates some unequal level of hurt, like a sadomasochistic relationship, I think would be similar to like the anal sex thing.
And the second part being, uh. Permitting any extracurricular or third party into the relationship. Even if it's, um, if in your mind you're thinking about somebody else, if through video you're watching somebody else, or if you're inviting another physical person, those would be off limits also, I. I just wanna say this personal, um, you know, commentary here, but I just think it's really cool for us to be able to have a, a place where we can dialogue about these things that I think so many people, like, we want to know, I wanna be faithful to following Jesus, and yet we don't know where to have these conversations.
So I just really appreciate that we have a a, a place like. We don't wanna learn this on Google or chat GBT, right? Like, we want to have these, these conversations as believers. Well, I literally just read that from chat GBT, so I mean, but I'm at least saying it out loud. It's incredible how chat like gets your voice and like you can, it can kind of, it gets it all your personality.
I'm not even here. I'm remember. Is it biblical for churches to require their people to become members? I think some people, I got this question actually came up a few times and people are like, what is the whole church membership thing? Why do I have to become a member? Can't I just go, okay, I'm a big member guy, okay, this is like I, I believe in it.
Here's what I don't believe. I don't believe in requiring it as some level of like salvific nature, right? Like it's gonna save you. Here's why I think biblical membership for a lot of churches. I'm College Ave Baptist Church in San Diego. We have a ton of young adults coming. We, we reach the college demographic very well, and yet we teach membership now I think.
The idea of a membership process that is remarkably laborious or anything else like that, probably skirts with the idea of overkill. But the reason membership is important is because, um, consumerism is a new concept in church history. Here's what I mean by that. If you went to church in Ephesus. There was a great teacher over in Athens or over in Rome, or over in Corinth.
You didn't go check 'em out. So if you were an Ephesus and the guy leading your congregation just wasn't super interesting or a new one, uh, opened up three towns away, it took you 13 miles, which is like, you know, a day and a half's journey to get there. So wherever you found yourself, you were part of that church.
So when Paul writes to a letter to the church at Ephesus. There's only one church and a lot of the ideas that the, um, book of Romans in particular, but Ephesians chapter four, um, I'm, I'm thinking particularly here about Romans chapter 12, um, when it talks about becoming mature and then having sincerity and love for one another, it, it's references the church a lot in there.
And so here's what we do. A lot of the times you go to a church, you get in a life group. Someone hurts your feelings, you leave. Well, that was a huge moment where God wants to teach us sanctification by the process of biblical accountability of iron sharpening iron. And when you go, well, I'm here this week, but we'll see how this goes.
A lot of the times what you find. Is kind of this notion of I'm gonna stay here until you say something that I don't like, or something that Challenger convicts me. And what that does to the church is as a church leader myself, of whom Christ is the head, but I'm an under shepherd underneath him. I can, if I'm not careful, become afraid that as soon as I say something convictional or difficult, you're gonna go to the church down the street.
Membership essentially causes you and forces you as a man to raise your hand and say, we're gonna stay here, come hell or high water. Now, if I start teaching heretical doctrine, if I start teaching a non-literal Old Testament, or that God doesn't really care about sin, then you should leave, right? That as a berean, you should test it with the word of God, and you should be.
I should be written off as a heretic, but if like, we're starting the book of James this next weekend and I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna say people who are in low positions could, could consider themselves to be, uh. Hopeful in the kingdom of God and those who find themselves rich should be afraid because, right, that's what Jesus says.
It's easier for a camel to go through an eye of a needle than a rich man to get into heaven, and I have to be able to teach that while rich people in my congregation go, I gotta listen to what was just said. Hebrews four, the, the, the word of God is active and alive, sharper than any two-edged sword, able to separate bone and marrow, sin you from flesh and what we have when you don't promote membership.
Or a commitment to a local body is a lot of consumeristic Christians who just jump from one church to the next. It also, sorry that this is going long. It also helps us as an elder board and as pastors know where our flock begins and ends. Um, it helps me know that you're not a lookie lou or coming for one week and then leaving.
So let's say you are dating your. Girlfriend and you walk into my church and you walk up to me and you're like, oh yeah, no, like we're sleeping together, total fornication, and this is what we're doing. If you're not part of my flock and I hear that, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna trust that whoever is your shepherd is pouring into you.
And, and, but I don't know that. Are you here? Are you there? Is it my job to bring conviction and correction? Is it someone else's job to bring correction and conviction? Hmm. If someone in our church gets, um, hurt and they're in the hospital, but I don't know, are you in my response? Are you. Part of my flock.
Am I gonna come and help you? Do you have someone else going and doing that? It's really hard to draw boundaries around where my church begins and someone else's church ends. Not in a competitive way, but in a way of maybe an elder board at another church because of something that you're doing inappropriately, is walking through a process with you and then you come over to my church.
I don't know where you belong or what you're doing. And those people are going, yeah, we're walking Greg through a process of repentance because of his pornography. And then they come to my church and I go, oh yeah, come on in. Don't worry about your old church. It's my job as a pastor to go. It sounds like you're going through a process with a very good shepherd who's leading you somewhere.
You need to go over back over there. So outside of. Teaching something heretical or off in biblical doctrine. I would say the idea of membership is it forces you to draw a circle and to plant yourself somewhere where your heart might be prone to go, yeah, our old pastor was really engaging, but this new guy's kind of boring, so we're gonna go find another church.
That's more exciting. That wasn't available to a New Testament Christian. And I think it, oh, I just made a bubble with my hands. That was cool. And I think that's what it does. Is it. It almost puts you back in Ephesus to go, I'm gonna stay here. And that's where I find it beneficial. Should churches require it?
No, we don't require it, but. If you wanna vote on a new senior pastor, you need to be a member. If you wanna use our facilities, you need to be a member. If you wanna have a vote in changing, uh, a doctrinal statement or constitution, you need to be a member. Why? The same way that you would require somebody to be a stakeholder to come and vote at a McDonald's conference on whether or not they're gonna continue to selling the Big Mac.
I want to know that you're here and that you're invested in it. I don't need you to sign a blood covenant because I'm com in competition with a church down the street. I just wanna know where my sheep begin and where my sheep end. That's why what I care about, so maybe through the lens of a pastor, some of you might understand it differently, but I'm telling you from someone who leads a church, why membership for me has been so helpful and that's why I would promote it.
I wouldn't require it. And I don't think churches are biblically off if they don't. It's been a helpful tool for us and that's, I think why a lot of pastors choose it. Do you, um, do you give that. Explanation when? Like at at your church membership class? Correct. And part, yeah. Part of the reason I'm asking that is I've been part of several church membership classes and it's usually like an eight, four hour class with some like stale sandwiches in the center of the thing.
And you're just, and, and then nobody ever explains that. And I think that's probably where the heart of this question comes from. But I think what you just described is so compelling. It's like, okay, now I want to have some accountability and some skin in the game here. Um. Well read the New Testament, how much of their testament has to do with church discipline and elders, and how you bring correction and those things.
But if, I don't know whether or not you're a one week person or you're like just casually walking by, or if you're part of my flock, I'm gonna treat, it's like when you go to, um, some trampoline park and your kid is acting a fool. It's very different than if someone else's kid is acting a fool. Right. I'm even, my kids aren't playing baseball right now.
When another kid's disobeying, I don't go over and go, Hey, knock it off. I actually teach my kid what it means to respond to someone whose kid is disobeying. And I go, listen, that's not our monkey. That's not our circus. This is not our responsibility here. So. Father understands that very clearly. When I go to the park, I know who is mine and I know who is not In a church setting, I need to know the same thing 'cause I respond super different than if some crazy dude walks in one week and this, you know, he's in a polygamous relationship.
I'm going. I hope someone's pouring into you. But if you don't say, I'm here the moment you do, I go, alright then as one of my sheep, as a shepherd, I gotta make sure my sheep are healthy. Let's have this conversation. So that's what denotes that for me. So hopefully that's helpful. My class is at our church.
They come over for dessert one night. I talk them through membership and the aspects of such, it's about an hour and a half, but the heart of it's really big for us. And I think that's the heart behind membership. Even if some pastors, um, you know, they're not explaining it like that. I, I, there is a tradition there that I think is beneficial.
Yeah, that's really, really helpful. Um, what is the baptism of the Holy Spirit? Okay. So baptism of the Holy Spirit is because this is a cross denominational platform. You're asking q and a with Chris. So let me give you my perspective on it, knowing that other people are going to disagree with this one, but even if people disagree with this, we're all going to.
Unite in brotherhood. Mm-hmm. So, um, there's people you've had on the podcast that will disagree with what I'm saying, but we wouldn't break fellowship over this issue. Totally. It's what we call a secondary issue. And so we go back to that. Um, an early church theologian who simply said in, um, in primary things unity, in secondary things, liberty, but in all things charity.
So this is a secondary thing where we have liberty on it. The word, the idea of being baptized with the Holy Spirit would for someone who's from my faith tradition, be that when you submit your life to Christ, um, the Holy Spirit is a gift that Romans eight talks about, that now lives inside of you. That brings correction of.
To sin and illumination of the scripture and desire for christlikeness and sanctification of the behavior. Um, other church traditions would say those are two different things, that you become a Christ follower and then at some point the Holy Spirit gives you the gifts that he wants to use for his church.
So, um, if my gift is teaching, if other. Someone else's gift is evangelism or helps or mercy or whatever it might be. Discernment. Those are all spiritual gifts, and someone from my tradition would say at the moment of belief and conversion, those are given to you in the power of the Holy Spirit, and you might need to be working on those, or those are revealed over time.
But some other faith traditions would say that your moment of conversion is different than your moment of baptism of the Holy Spirit, where the Holy Spirit comes on you and you all of a sudden go, oh. I've got these new gifts of power probably in mine. I would say the main thing I would understand from the baptism of the Holy Spirit is that the Holy Spirit takes the gifts that you already have demonstrated previously in your life as a non-believer, and now wants to use those for the kingdom, right?
So when Paul is. Blinded on the road to Damascus. He didn't become a good orator. He didn't become someone who was well understood. God used those things and now said, you're gonna play for my team. In the Old Testament, you got Moses. Moses was learned in the ways of Egypt. He understood their culture and their customs and their language, and yet he was tending sheep in a Midianite congregation underneath his high priest, father Jethro.
And God says, from here on out. You're gonna go be the mouthpiece of me to the nation and we are gonna establish the, the Israelite people back in freedom. So that's how I would understand it. I think that's one and the same with the moment of conversion and then through pastors and uh, community, you've, you be, you then begin to develop those gifts that the spirit has given you to further his kingdom and further his church.
Like Ephe. Ephesians four talks about is there a place in scripture where that road forks and why you have different denominational. Views on this. Like, where, where in scripture would we even get the idea of baptism of the Holy Spirit? Like, yeah. A a lot of it has to do with the moment of, with what we see at Pentecost taking place, that as the Holy Spirit is descending and acting.
In moving that you watch people begin to do things that they couldn't do before, and yet the disciples were already believers. So does that mean they're two different moments, the moment where you have belief and the moment where the Holy Spirit descends on you? Um, again, you, you could ask someone from a different faith tradition, but I think I.
That reading the New Testament as prescriptive rather than descriptive can be problematic. That because we see that happen for the apostles, I believe that the apostolic age was a very powerful moment and necessary in the history of the church, but that not everything available in all those circumstances is completely available in the same way today.
Um, but. Like healing. I think that the Holy Spirit is wild and the Holy Spirit can heal people, whatever he wants, right? I don't think that it is like O Caleb put it at the retreat, um, that it's not dependent on a person that when a man walks around and says, you are healed, that it doesn't automatically happen.
Uh, only if it's in uniformity with the spirit will that take place. So. Anyway, with some of those things being different, one of the things that I find is that when we read what happened at Pentecost, we shouldn't expect that to be a modern reality at all times. And so that would be the, that would be my response that some of those early.
Church descriptions for some people become prescriptions of a description is this is what happened, A prescription is you gotta do this, or this is what we should expect. So I think it's a here's what happened, not a, you should expect this. And that's probably the fork in the road. Hmm. Is there a biblical stance, um, on burial verse cremation now?
Um, I mean, quite simply. My wife was cremated after she passed away. And the idea that the God who makes the universe out of nothing requires a body, which is then just dry bones and like some pieces of soft tissue to regenerate it, that God's gonna be like, well, I can't, I gotta have at least bones. Um, it is kind of a, it's kinda a foolish concept.
And then you have people who throughout the histories have died, um, and had, um. Cremations that were involuntary. Think about the Holocaust and what happened to those bodies and, and what happened in those different situations. So all you would need is one saint in history to have had an involuntary cremation for us to go.
Well, darn it. God can raise the dead, but not if your body's not there. So I think that's probably taking it too far when people start to assert that burial is somehow appropriate over some other form. So, no, it's, it's Christian liberty. It's available to you and you've got permission to do what you want with it.
Um, so for the same person who goes, no, you need to bury, 'cause God needs the bones in order to resurrect them is another person saying. If you buried every person who has ever lived, you're gonna run outta space real quick on planet Earth, especially as populations are growing. So for us, it was, it was, it felt more responsible to do that, to not bury a big piece of wood with gold lining and everything, uh, for my wife, that that actually seemed a little bit further away from what I thought the heart of God would be for me personally.
But other people see it different ways. I just don't think it should fall into the category of commanded or forbidden. It's a middle area and the Christian has liberty. Hmm. If you have a question, go to dad tire.com/question. You can submit a question anonymously. But Chris, as always man, thank you for hanging out with us today.