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The Build a Vibrant Culture Podcast brings together amazing leaders, entrepreneurs, and experts to share the successes, challenges, and secrets to living and leading as a VIBRANT Leader.
Tune-in each week as Nicole Greer interviews a new Vibrant Leader.
Email her at nicole@vibrantculture.com
Nicole x Mary Miller
Announcer: [00:00:00] This is the build a vibrant culture podcast, your source for the strategies, systems, and insights you need to turn your dreams into your destiny. Every week we dive into dynamic conversations as our host, Nicole Greer, interviews leadership and business experts. They're here to shed light on practical solutions to the challenges of personal and professional development.
Now here's your host, a professional speaker, coach, and consultant, Nicole Greer.
Nicole: Welcome everybody to another episode of the build a vibrant culture podcast. My name is Nicole Greer, and I am called the vibrant coach. I am here with another amazing guest on our podcast today, and it is none other than Mary Miller. Now listen, I have got to sit. at the seat, at the feet of Mary and learn from her.
Okay. So I just fell in love with her the day I met her. She's teaching me. She's coaching me. She's giving me the download, the 411, the 911. She gave it all to me. Let me tell you all about her. Her name's [00:01:00] Mary. Founder and CEO of dream engineer. So if you've got a dream, she can help you get this thing engineered.
She is dedicated to empowering 10 million individuals to pursue their dreams. Don't miss that with over 20 years as an entrepreneurial coach at strategic coach incorporated, which. You should go look that up. Dan Sullivan. I'm just saying she equips business owners with tools for success. Mary's journey includes transforming Jancoa, which is a janitorial company that she owned that listened to this, that her daughter take took over.
So it's not father, son, it's mother, daughter. So fantastic. It's a small cleaning business. She took it from a small cleaning business into a thriving enterprise. Listen to this with over 550 employees and an. 85 percent market share. Hello. Her inspiring story showcases resilience, achieving a remarkable 300 percent reduction in turnover rates.
Her people love her [00:02:00] just as much as I do. And she stepped into a new chapter. Mary focuses on public speaking, coaching, and encouraging. Encouraging others to embrace life's possibilities and make a meaningful impact. So hold on, strap on your seatbelt because Mary Miller's here. Mary, how are you?
Mary Miller: I am doing great, Nicole. Thank you so much for having me on your podcast.
Nicole: Yeah, I'm all excited. Here's the thing. I think people have dreams and they have goals and they have vision, but they're scared to get them out. So how did you step into this place where you help people engineer their dreams?
Mary Miller: A moment of desperation I wish I could tell you I woke up one day with this great aha I had a dream and I knew what I was supposed to do But it really came out of desperation when tony and I my husband had actually started Jancoa I joined him when 20 years into it when we met and got married and it was time for us to work together in the family [00:03:00] business.
When I joined him he had 65 part time employees. I quickly found out that our part time employees only came to work part of the time and you never knew what part that would be. Really hard to build a stable business that way. Absolutely. Really trying to figure out how to make this business successful and sustainable and to have a predictable cash flow, personally as well as professionally.
And I hired a consultant to come in, well known in our industry. I met him at a conference, national conference, and he had a five day contract. He was going to come in and help us with efficiencies and be profitable. So I was pretty excited about that. He fired us on the second day, said he couldn't help us.
Yeah, I didn't know that was an option, but he he challenged me in a way I'd never been challenged before, and I've been through many challenges, but I knew we [00:04:00] had to really take a look and see what we had to do different, and through a lot of trial and error and working on things, what we realized is, because he told us we had a people problem. It wasn't that our people were a problem, we just never had enough people to show up to work, to even come to work. We would be 30, 40 people short every night. And that's when we only had 150 employees. So 30, 40 people is over 20%, right? That's hard. To get that work done and so everybody was working a lot of overtime And it was really hard. So we start changing the questions And that's how it started.
It was changing the questions focusing on the result. We were trying to achieve And we started to say, okay, the biggest question was What did we have to do to attract people that would want to work for us that want to work in our industry? But why choose jancoa? There was 104 other cleaning companies in Cincinnati at the time.
Why would they choose us? We [00:05:00] had to build an environment that would attract them. And that we start looking at things differently and start looking at what their obstacles were. We knew our customers' obstacles and we did a really good job of taking care of those. So we start focusing on how to take care of our employees' obstacles.
We start helping them buy homes. We started by buying a shuttle and getting them to work and getting them home after work. That was the number one issue in a business that starts at 6 p. m. and ends at 2. 30 a. m. Public transit in a lot of communities like ours just don't, didn't exist at the time.
Nicole: And what you're talking about, I think, is building a vibrant culture, right?
Where it is lit from within. We care, we're passionate, and we want to take care of our people. You literally put a shuttle service together so you could get people to and from work. And isn't that the biggest complaint? It's like, people are late, they don't show up on time, they don't have transportation.
Well, let's just remove that obstacle. I love it.
Mary Miller: That was it. When we eliminate [00:06:00] obstacles, things make a difference, and it went so much deeper than that. That was the biggest trigger. Ah ha, this is great. But when my husband went out to buy the shuttle, we decided Sunday night this is what we would do.
That was the weekend after Bob fired us. And we went out Monday morning, he went out and bought the 15 passenger van. He even stopped by a sign painting store and had it painted on the side, Jancoa Employee Shuttle, and drove it to the office. Drove it and parked it in the side lot, went into the general manager at the time, and said, I figured out the, how to fix our problem.
She sat back and said, which one? That was our only problem. She didn't know what he was talking about. So he said, look out the window. We're going to pick people up in that van and take them from their home to work and then bring them back home afterwards. She just was in stunned silence for a minute and then crossed her arms again and said, so who's going to drive this magic bus?[00:07:00]
Nicole: Yeah.
Mary Miller: My husband was the first shuttle driver. We didn't have enough people to clean, let alone drive a shuttle. So he drove around and picked people up. And within two days he was invisible, but he got to see where people lived. He got to hear them talk about their obstacles, about what their day was made of.
I mean, things that as an employer, you never hear about because they want to look good in our eyes, right? They only want us to see their best. How can you help them solve problems if you only see their best? And that was the beginning. That was the beginning. He has this horrible, horrible thing. Used to have it that if he can't sleep, I can't sleep.
So he would wake me up at four o'clock in the morning and let me talk until sunrise and go to the office. So he'd pick people up at 2 30 in the morning, get them home. And by the time he got home, he'd wake me up and say, we got to talk. And that's when we really had these deep conversations uninterrupted about what's [00:08:00] possible and what could we do next to build on that.
Nicole: Yeah, that sounds so fantastic. All right. So you got the shuttle cooking and then how did you get this incredible growth? You said a hundred and some to 500 and some, how did you scale it? I think, when I talk to entrepreneurs, scaling is the number one thing that they have they have trouble with.
So how did you build on all of that? What were the next things you did to build the vibrant culture?
Mary Miller: The things that really blew me away in retrospect, looking back, is you never see it in the windshield. You see it in the rearview mirror, right? And what I realized afterwards, years afterwards, when people like you would ask me these questions, is like, that was never our intention.
I mean, Dan Sullivan and Ben Hardy wrote a book, Ten Times Is Easier Than Two Times, and when he started talking about ten times, when I was in his workshops, I was like, Oh, I don't want 10 times the number of employees. When I start working with Tony, it's 65 part time [00:09:00] employees. Pre COVID, we were up to 650 full time employees.
We 10 times, but we didn't focus on the numbers. We focused on creating value. We focused on creating value for our customers, for our employees, for our vendors, for our community. As we were able to resolve and eliminate some of those big obstacles, our team grew. It freed me up. Well, Tony had made the mistake one day of telling me he hated being the CEO.
As the founder of the business, he was automatically CEO. I was the wife that he brought in. And I told him when he said he hated it, I wanted that job. And that was just fit my unique ability better than his. He's more of an introvert backstage, knows operations. So I was more freed up at this point to connect with communities and get with people.
And I focused on going after the bosses, the big companies that were in these multi tenant buildings that we clean. So they would go to [00:10:00] their property manager and say, why doesn't Jancoa clean our building? I love the way they take care of their people. Can we get them in here? And it was a, one of those evil plans that worked quite well.
Nicole: Doesn't sound evil at all. Sounds
Mary Miller: It was amazing. It was amazing. And we've been referred to by others as the many United Nations of Cincinnati, because we've had people over the past decade from over 40 countries and we've aligned ourselves and collaborated with social service agencies that work bringing immigrants and refugees in, that have their documentation, that need jobs, that need stability.
They, for us, they work full time, so they get paid full time wages above our competitors, along with benefits that a lot of cleaning companies don't offer. So, yeah, when people ask me, what do you have to do to be a dream engineer? The number one thing is you have to care. You can't pretend to care. It's not a plug and play.[00:11:00]
Nicole: Yeah. And all the folks that are listening to this, they're in business. And so they understand that you have to have a value proposition if you're in sales. And marketing, right? But what Mary's talking about, everybody is the EVP. And that's what we talk about in our HR circles, which is there needs to be an employee value proposition.
And so you just kind of heard hers. We pay top of the market. We help people who aren't being helped get a job and get plugged in and give them the benefits that they need and a ride to work
Mary Miller: And the very first question we ask at orientation or what are your dreams? What do you want your life to look like three years from now?
So working towards something and not just paycheck to paycheck.
Nicole: Yeah, I love that. Yeah, and so, tell me a story of somebody who declared What they want their life to look like and it happened.
Mary Miller: Oh, there has been so many so many
[00:12:00] Well, if you ever read the book The Dream Manager by Matthew Kelly He the first half part of that book.
It's 90 percent our stories like Gloria in the Rita in the book is Gloria and Gloria Was been a manager of ours for a very long time, and she was always dependable and did a great job, and all of a sudden we start getting complaints. Which never happened in her building. It was an important building that she managed.
So, our team went, our manager, dream manager, went to go talk to her to find out what's going on, because something obviously was wrong. And, she finally, after talking for a while, said, you know, Every night when I get home now, some thugs have moved in the neighborhood and the light at the top of my stairs in the apartment building are knocked out and it scares me and I'm concerned for my safety, for my family's safety and at the end of the night, I start [00:13:00] thinking about what am I going to go home to because we're talking about going home at two thirty, three o'clock in the morning, right?
So it's kind of like what we're done. Absolutely. So the first thing when we start doing this and we were already working on developing, helping people buy homes and connecting, we don't do it ourselves. We would connect with agencies that had existing programs. And at the time there was quite a few first time homeowner programs.
So we connected with Gloria first. Actually, my husband went to see her. He had known Gloria for a very long time. And he said, Gloria, let's get you out of that dangerous apartment. She lit up. And she's like, what do you mean? She's, he said, let's get you in a new house. Oh, come on. Don't be teasing me like that, you know?
And he says, no, I'm serious. I've got some, we're collaborating with some people and we've got some lots available, we've got some houses, affordable housing available, and even financing that we can connect you to. And they even [00:14:00] had classes for first time homeowners, so they could be successful at it. And within a year, she was in her own brand new home in the neighborhood she wanted to be, and one of the people, the tenants in the building she cleaned, found out about it, and they had just bought new furniture, and they donated this gorgeous, hardly used furniture to her at her new home, and there was so much, she couldn't use it all, so she's giving it away to other people that work on her team.
So when your dreams come true, you want to help other people achieve their dreams, and that's contagious in a very positive way. way. So it really has made a difference. And I remember getting a call from the principal of the school that her granddaughter was going to because her daughter and granddaughter lived with her. And she asked if I would be open to coming to the school and talk at a PTA meeting. And I said, sure. I said, tell me more about what you'd like for me to talk about. And she said, Honestly, I'm frustrated. I [00:15:00] can't get the kids to dream because their parents have stopped dreaming. You can help me get the parents to start dreaming again.
And I think that today, I'm not in Janco anymore. I've retired. As I said, Christy, Clint, and Ron, my daughter, son in law, and brother in law, they own the business and are running it, and I'm reimagining Dream Engineer to get more people excited about their life, to stir that pot of possibility, and help them get unstuck, and go after the things that have been buried in their heart for a very long time.
Nicole: Yeah. I love what you're talking about. I often give a talk about my coaching methodology, which is S.H.I.N.E. And in there, I talk about how we're traveling a lifeline and there's a day you pop on the planet and a day that you pop off the planet and this is a limited time offer and we only have, this one shot at things and
Mary Miller: We don't know how much time we have.
Nicole: That's exactly right. That's exactly right. And I think that people, they've [00:16:00] got kind of some mental models in place that hold them back that, that hold them stuck. So what do you find are those things that keep people stuck like one, I'll tell you when I think, and then let's build on it. People think I'm too old for this.
Mary Miller: Oh, there's definitely a lot of that. That's very common. And you know what? Old is in the eye of the beholder. People in their forties will say they're too old for that. I wrote a
book, came out in 2016 called changing direction, 10 choices that impact your dream. And a friend of mine, he sent me an email. Asked where he, she could get three copies. She would like to get three copies signed by me to give to her three kids because she herself is too old to dream anymore at 58. And I'm like, yeah, I'm like, okay, let's read.
That's I'll get you the books for the kids, but let's have a different kind of conversation. Right. You know, it's, there's a lot of people of senior age that have had [00:17:00] amazing success. I mean, even our favorite actor, Morgan Freeman, didn't start acting till late in life. It is absolutely amazing. You're never too old.
If we're still taking a breath, we still have time to dream. Sometimes the dreams through others. Or we are helping set that up for others. A lot of times our dreams are about what difference we can make in people's lives because that's what our gifts and talents allow us to do is when we use them and we're pursuing our dream it always benefits somebody else.
Nicole: Oh, absolutely. And at least the people that live under the same roof with you, because once you get like, I like to say, get lit, with your dream, with your potential then it's contagious. It's like, passing at a wedding, they have sparklers and one sparkler to the next, or, on a Christmas Eve service, they're passing the candlelight one to the other.
It's the exact same thing in this life. And I want to say one more thing about being old just for a minute. When I do [00:18:00] the lifeline, you know, I'm like how old do you think I'm going to live to be? How old do you think you're going to live to be? And people are always like, I don't know, based on genetics, I'm going to say 80, 90, you know, because their parents are living to be that old. And I'm like, okay if you're 58 and you're going to live to be 80, that's like 22 years.
Mary Miller: Yeah.
Nicole: What can a woman or a man do in 22 years? I could do amazing things.
Mary Miller: I have a friend whose father didn't start college until his early 60s. When he was 80, he got his doctorate. I think it's fabulous. Absolutely. There's really, the only limitation is in the six inches between our ears.
Nicole: That's exactly right. Yeah. And so it's the quality of your thinking, isn't it?
Mary Miller: Absolutely.
Nicole: So what else gets in the way of people pursuing their dreams? So I know age is one of them. What is another one that maybe one of our listeners is like, Oh, I've got a dream, but I'm not doing anything about it. What might be in their way?
Mary Miller: Well, of [00:19:00] course, fear is always really on top because we've had At any age over 30, we've had disappointments, regrets, and things that did not happen the way we thought they would be, a lot of pain.
And so there's a, the fear that you're going to be disappointed once again, but if you don't, you will be disappointed one again. So you're just claiming it on your own. Ah, yes, okay, I'm going to make this happen. Self proclamation. But I remember speaking at a local university, several years back. And one of the students asked me, what do you do when you have a dream killer in your life?
Oh, I said, tell me more about that. She said every time she had a dream of something she wanted to do in her life, her mom gave her every reason why it wouldn't work.
I asked her to tell me a little bit about her mom's life. And what was, how did she spend her life, and what dreams did she go after? And her mom had a tough life, and she didn't have a lot of dreams that, that came [00:20:00] through.
A lot of disappointment. And pain. And I, so I asked her if she thought it was possible that she was trying to protect her. So what I'm finding like my keynote that I'm doing today to groups who want to help get the audience and the attendees excited about their future is really about transforming conversations to expand the future possibilities because she went home... we talked, and she went home and she asked her mom about why she was afraid, what would happen if she had dreams. So that changed the conversation. Instead of her just shutting down when her mom talked her out of it, she asked her mom, tell me more about why that's important to you. Why do you think I shouldn't do it?
And that's the thing that so many of us don't remain outrageously curious. And ask the questions that can help us move us along to where we're meant to be. Instead of shutting down to opposition. Go toward the obstacle and that way you could work through it [00:21:00] because that is where the transformation takes place.
Nicole: That's right. The obstacle is the way. That's right. And we both know that we've got these three parts to our brain, Mary and I can't help, but drop a little Dan Sullivan strategic coaching here every once in a while. But you know, when we got the teaching on that, that your brain is hardwired to find the obstacle, not to slow you down, But to say, there it is. Get around that thing. Blow that out of the way.
Mary Miller: That's where the biggest opportunity is, right? None of our competitors are going toward the obstacle.
Nicole: That's exactly right. That's exactly right. Okay. So let's say somebody's super healthy and they come to you and you're like, Mary, I've got a dream. What do you do to help them get it cooking?
Mary Miller: Usually I ask questions. It's really quite amazing. So many times the answers are within, but nobody, the critical voice shuts down our [00:22:00] self conversations. Our self conversations are the most important conversations we have, and we start first thing in the morning looking in the mirror and telling us how horrible we look.
Nicole: Oh.
Mary Miller: Instead of looking in the mirror and saying, Oh, wow, today's going to be a great day. Look at you. You're just getting started. We have to be our own cheerleaders to start out. And when we change our conversations and increase the time we hear from our inner coach versus the inner critic, life changes.
And it starts with us, the way we change how we talk, how we think, and stop when somebody says something nice to you, stop thinking they mean something opposite. Just assume the best. What's the worst that could happen? It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen either if you automatically assume that it's going to be bad.
So change the conversation, we change our possibilities. So most of my time I spend time with asking questions and going deeper. [00:23:00] And going deeper is something really difficult, like saying, tell me more about that. It's like an example. My husband has dementia now. He's, he'll be 73 next month and he doesn't have a lot of random conversations anymore.
And we were sitting on the couch one evening after dinner and he had this look on his face like he was thinking. So I asked him, I said, so what are you thinking about? And usually his response is nothing. But this time he said, you know, Losing my mind's not so bad. Tell me more about that, Tom. I didn't know what else to say, Nicole.
And he , talked about how one friend, he lost one friend from ALS. Lost another from cancer just the previous year. They were in severe pain. Nothing could be done. But they had their mind about it. And they knew what was going on. They felt the pain. It was horrible. He said, I'm not in any [00:24:00] pain.
He said, you take care of everything I need and I don't want for anything else. So losing my mind's not so bad. So he stays in gratitude every day. Our mindset and how we look at things changes the results that we receive and how we deal with it.
Nicole: Yeah, that's fantastic.
Announcer: Are you ready to build your vibrant culture? Bring Nicole Greer to speak to your leadership team, conference, or organization to help them with their strategies, systems, and smarts to increase clarity, accountability, energy, and results. Your organization will get lit from within. Email her at Nicole at VibrantCulture. com And be sure to check out Nicole's TEDxTalk at VibrantCulture. com
Nicole: So I love what you're saying about self talk.
I just recently got a book and it's about positive intelligence. Thanks.
Mary Miller: Nice.
Nicole: And in that book the gentleman that wrote it, he talks about that. There are nine [00:25:00] different like little voices or saboteurs that are in our brain. And I just think it's fascinating because you've got you, when you hear the names of these, you're kind of like, Oh, that's mine.
That's who's got ahold of me. And so they're like, I'll just read them to you real quick. Cause y'all go out and get the book. We'll put the Matthew Kelly book in the show notes and we'll put this one in there too.
Mary Miller: Oh put my changing direction in there also.
Nicole: Yes. We want Mary's in there. But there you're just restless. So you've got so many dreams. You don't know which one to chase. You're the hyper achiever. You've got so many things going on. You're trying for perfection that you're just not getting it done. You're the pleaser, which it sounds like the gal that you had. who wanted to please her mother, right? Then the stickler trying to be too perfect, the controller, the avoider, the victim, hyper rational and hyper vigilant.
And I'm just like listening to those. I'm going, Oh, I think I have several.
Mary Miller: Oh, my goodness. Yeah, [00:26:00] totally. And we have many personalities within, right?
Nicole: Oh, we do.
Mary Miller: We can get triggered easily. And that can get us off the wrong path. And sometimes we have to pause and change direction. That's one of the things I've always gotten out of strategic coach is having that one day every quarter to pause and reflect, to review the past 90 days and plan for the next.
It keeps me on track. Instead of all of a sudden a year later, it's like, Oh my gosh, what happened to that year?
Nicole: That's right. That's right. Let's talk a little bit about your book. Tell me how the book came to be. And then let's talk about, some of the 10.
Mary Miller: Well, we've got People kept asking me when I was going to write a book.
Honestly, that's how it started. And I won, I've been very blessed with a lot of different awards and I, one of the awards I won was a community building award. And the producer, had [00:27:00] a side gig where he helped people write their books and publish them.
So he approached me after the awards show and he's like, Mary, you know, you have to write a book. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. I've been thinking about it. People have said stuff to me. He says, No, seriously, I want to help you . Let's see what we can work out. And after talking and working it out and doing business while trying to do that, it took a couple years.
But that's how Changing Direction: Ten Choices That Impact Your Dreams came out. And it was a lot of hard work, because I had never really put myself out there in that way. I speak a lot. But putting your words and your thoughts in print and putting it out there. And people that know me and know about the Dream Engineer and how that's so important to me, the very first chapter is embrace change. The second chapter is about finding your dream. [00:28:00] And they said, why would you put that in the second chapter? I said, because you can't do that if you're not willing to embrace change first. If you were doing it the right way and working towards your dream, you wouldn't be reading the book or need to do something different.
So the most important step to move toward your dream is to accept and be willing to embrace change.
Nicole: Yeah. And here's the thing about change. People act like it's some evil thing in the world, but like life is change and businesses, you know, for the folks that are like, we have so much problem getting change done here at this business.
And it's like, if your business doesn't change, you will end up, yeah, you'll be the Kmart, the Blockbuster, the Radio Shack, you'll be all those things. And then, and the same thing with us as human beings, it's like, that old saying, if you're not growing, you're dying. I mean, I totally believe that.
Mary Miller: Now, you gotta be careful where you say that, Nicole, because I was speaking to a group of women, businesswomen, there's about 300 people in the room, and [00:29:00] they had quarterly meetings each year, and they would, one of the things was GROW, and that was my conversation, my topic was about GROW.
And we said, okay, and to introduce Mary, we have our our key sponsor to introduce her and it's such and such funeral home. And my first line of my speech is, you either grow or die. And if you die, you know where you can go to.
Nicole: That's right. They'll put you in a box or a jar and they'll take care of the whole thing.
Mary Miller: Absolutely,
Nicole: That just goes right back to the lifeline.
Mary Miller: Yeah
Nicole: it is absolutely true. And I will tell you the people that are in the funeral business, they do great. That is a, that's a great business to be in.
Mary Miller: It's a necessary business.
Nicole: Yeah, you gotta have a special heart to do that work. But in fact, one of my first clients owned a funeral home in Mooresville, North Carolina. Swear to goodness. So anyways, really good stuff.
All right. So you got to be growing. And so I, I've got your book pulled up here. It [00:30:00] looks fantastic people. Mary did not tell me she wrote this awesome book. All right. So you embrace change, you establish dreams. And then I love the third chapter. It says balance expectations with reality.
And I think that's the thing that would help people the most probably because they don't want to be like ...
Mary Miller: Everyone of them and it depends on where you're at in the journey. But our expectations is what creates our frustrations and our frustrations is usually what stops us in our tracks. And when you take it and start breaking it down and just acknowledging it, it takes the power away.
So always expect good, and it's amazing how often good happens. When you expect bad, guess what's gonna happen? It doesn't always work that way, but it works so much better than, because rarely if you expect bad will you be disappointed.
Nicole: That's right and the thing is it's like a self fulfilling prophecy. This isn't going to [00:31:00] work. Well, guess what? It probably won't.
Mary Miller: Totally agree. Yeah. Totally agree.
Nicole: Yeah, and then your
Mary Miller: ...Sabotage because of the self conversations that we go back to
Nicole: 100%. And then, the her fourth chapter's about obstacles, and we've talked about that. Um, in your own dreams, right, you transitioned out of Jancoa. And now, I think you're living your dream right now, aren't you?
Mary Miller: I am.
Nicole: You're keynoting, you're running all around, you're doing the stuff.
Mary Miller: For the most part, I get to coach. Keynote speaking more than I ever had. I've dabbled for the past few decades. But now I get to do that full time. But I'm balancing that out with a husband with dementia that was never part of our dream.
We were planning on doing a lot of travel. Somebody with dementia, the most important thing is familiarity and routine. So my husband, who never did the same thing the same way twice is totally surrounded and keyed on familiarity and routine. And it [00:32:00] works for him. We don't know how long it'll stay this way but we're grateful for every day that we have.
So it really does make a difference. We can't always predict our future. Doesn't mean it has to stop when it's uncomfortable and you don't like where you're at. I mean, the shower's my friend some days. That's where I just stand in the shower and cry and then I smile when I come out and go after it.
Because I'm not going to ignore it or deny it. It's difficult. But you know what? Raising a blended family of five kids and running a 24 seven business for 30 years. That was difficult too, but we got some great rewards. So, it's about learning how to do hard. And when you have dreams you're focusing on and you're working on along with the hard stuff that comes along, it's much easier to do the hard stuff because you get some blessings on the way. That's what energizes you.
Nicole: Yeah. And I think what you're talking about is like this wonderful character trait called [00:33:00] resilience.
Mary Miller: That's it.
Nicole: Or maybe grit. . You just, you do cry in the shower, but you get out and you keep rolling. And, one of her chapters in the book is just to think positive.
So I've got a couple of things I do because I'm an entrepreneur just like you. I'm out here hustling, making business happen. One of my best things that I do is I get up earlier than everybody else and I sit.
Mary Miller: What time is that, Nicole?
Nicole: 5 a. m. Every day, even on the weekends, because first of all, I can't sleep past 5am anymore. But I get in my chair and I have my little coffee and I have my puppy and I put all sorts of positive things in my brain. I read like a mad woman, listen to great things. Do my centering prayer. It's so good. So You know, people are like, well, I want to live my dream, but I get overwhelmed.
So that's one of the things I do. What are some things that, that you've done Jancoa years, now with your husband's situation, which I'm so sorry.
Mary Miller: I appreciate that. I surround myself with great friends. [00:34:00] So if I need to reach out to somebody or go have a glass of wine over happy hour before dinner and I exercise.
Actually, Cincinnati Chamber's got a brand new leadership class coming out this fall and it's called Breathe and it's about dealing with mental health issues and trying to focus on how in our community we could take a that negativity, the way we look at it and help more people deal with it.
And one of the questions was, how are you protecting your mental health? And I didn't for many years, and I truly thought I was losing my mind. I've been to many counselors over the years, and it's nice to have somebody you talk to, but it's even nicer to focus on what we can do. And getting the right amount of sleep has been number one change game for me.
I wish I had done that years ago to protect my sleep time. And seven to eight hours is what I need. And I was lucky if I got five or six hours for many [00:35:00] years. And it just doesn't work. Your brain doesn't work the same way. If you get less than six hours of sleep consistently, studies have shown, it's like you're working while you're drunk.
Yeah, I focus on starting the morning out early as well and take that quiet time for prayer and meditation. To be able to just reconnect with my spirituality, too many people avoid spirituality or desire to believe in a higher power that it's not all on us. We are not 100 percent in charge. And that makes the difference.
I get physical exercise, whether it's yoga, Pilates, or my newest fun thing is pickleball. It's like, I'm on the pickleball wagon. If you're going to do it, learn how to do it right. So you don't hurt yourself, but it is absolutely a social event. You meet great people. It's fast paced. I love golf, but golf is four to eight hours, [00:36:00] right?
Yeah. And it's much faster turn around and then you could do other things in the day. So it's just, those things really make a difference. And like I said, having good friends. And making sure I take time for the close relationships.
Nicole: Yeah, and don't miss this everybody. That's chapter 5 in the book. Right, which is create meaningful dialogue in relationships. And I love how you put create meaningful dialogue in front of the relationship. So I'm curious about that because just truth telling, honesty and candor, Mary, I've got like two girlfriends.
Mary Miller: And that's okay. I love this metaphor that- I can't remember where I heard it years ago, but they say some relationships are people that live in your neighborhood. Some relationships are people that come into your yard and you have conversations with. Some may come as close as your front porch. But there's a smaller number of people that come into your home and sit at the table with you.
Nicole: That's right.
Mary Miller: We have different types of [00:37:00] relationships. And I have tried to build... my team used to think at Jancoa that I knew everybody in the city. The mayor of Cincinnati, I've been called. And I love meeting people.
Nicole: And we all believe that.
Mary Miller: I am totally a full blooded extrovert and 100 percent F on the Myers Briggs. So, that's who I am, there's not as many that are the close-knit.
So we have to stop trying to please and try to make friends with everybody. Get to know people. Be kind. Be respectful. And you'll know when it's somebody that you feel connected to that needs to be a closer relationship. But don't expect that you're going to have that closeness with everybody you meet. Meaningful relationships, I've got a number of people that I feel like I have a good friendship with that we've never even gone to lunch. But when we talk, it's a close, great conversation and we support and encourage each other.
Nicole: Yeah. And I [00:38:00] think what it's landing for me as I'm listening to you is that meaningful dialogue, it's like we are so close that we're like, here's what I'm going to do. And, you know, it's the dream is right there. And then the person that's sitting at your dining room table or on your back porch with you, sipping wine or whatever, they're like, you can do that. And then it's almost like you're coaching each other in the process. Right? Yeah.
Mary Miller: Totally. Yeah. It's a give and take. Always. Always a give and take.
So we just have to make sure that we don't give trying to get, that when we give to our heart, it's releasing something to somebody else. And then if it's a boomerang and we totally receive something that was given to us, it wasn't because we expected or they owed us, but it was a true gift. And that's when your heart changes and that's when you get softer on yourself and you could do things you never thought was possible.
Nicole: Yeah. When I was coming up in my coaching "career" per se in [00:39:00] 2007, I got my first coaching certificate and started practicing. I had a master coach. His name was Dave Cowan. And one of the things that he said to me, is he's like, Nicole, everything gets to be messy if it needs to be. And I was like, what the heck does that mean? But what he was trying to say is, you know, as a friend, he was my master coach, but he's like, you need to just let go and be messy. And so we had so many creative, meaningful dialogues and he dropped so many little nuggets on me like that. Like, just relax. You're going to be a coach. You're going to build a business. It's going to be fine. And so I think you need somebody who can be authentic alongside you and have those meaningful dialogues where, like you said, you never go out to dinner with them, but they'll drop some major wisdom on you and always available to give it.
Mary Miller: Always. Absolutely.
Nicole: Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's go to the next chapter in your book. It's called capture opportunities. So I'm curious about that because people are sitting there with a dream. [00:40:00] They need some friends to talk to them about, they need to call Mary Miller to talk about it. But they're like, how do I even get started? Where do you find these opportunities? Where are they, Mary?
Mary Miller: You know, when we change our thinking, we become a magnet and we start attracting things to our lives that we never thought was possible. Like Matthew Kelly writing a book about a program we created out of desperation. That wasn't on our dream list, never even knew that was an option.
People will say that they can't dream or... they're sitting on the couch watching TV waiting for something to happen, is what I hear over and over and over again. There's no movement. God doesn't help people who aren't moving. Even in Nemo, Crush, the turtle said life is easier in the stream, dude! Move, go do something and see what comes along the side that were strategic byproducts that you never thought was possible. And it's amazing what comes into your life and opportunities that show up and relationships that show up. The year I [00:41:00] turned 30, started with a bankruptcy. Yeah. Yeah. It was lovely. My second divorce. Unemployment. The company I worked for for 10 and a half years sold the division and became a direct cost first shop out of twine. They didn't need me anymore. So that job's gone. 10 and a half years. I thought I was going to retire from there.
Mary Miller: And then the best piece was Christmas Eve. I get home from my mother's and there's an eviction notice on my door. So I'm a single mom with three kids, no place to live and no job. It was hard. It was hard, but, and I sat on the couch and cried for too long until I realized, whoa, wait a minute, I'm young. I'm thirty. I got things to do. I found a great job. I went after it. My parents were thrilled. I got a 100 percent commission sales job because I wanted to be responsible for what I brought in. Instead of waiting for somebody to tell me how much they thought I was worth.
Nicole: That's right.
Mary Miller: So when you go after something and you're willing and you [00:42:00] move... When I took on that job as a sales, I had no idea I would meet Tony. I had no idea that husband number three was around the corner a couple of years later...
Nicole: I didn't even think you wanted another one.
Mary Miller: ...and then I marry and then I start working with him, a glamorous job. That was another one my parents enjoyed, becoming a janitor.
Nicole: They're like What is she doing?
Mary Miller: I've never been passionate about cleaning, mopping floors, cleaning toilets, but I've always loved people. And that was the opportunity that wasn't just blatant in my face. This is what's ahead of you. I trusted the momentum and the universe to bring the things that needed to come to achieve the things that were waiting for me.
Nicole: Yeah, that's fantastic. Yeah. So matter what your situation is, I think what I'm hearing you say is that if the dream is in there, no matter how much despair you're experiencing, you can still get on with the
dream.
Mary Miller: Okay, I got a story. I [00:43:00] had this amazing opportunity in 2018 to visit Israel with a group of 36 other people, and they, off agenda, decided last minute to go visit this little town called Magdala. So we arrive in Magdala, and there's a synagogue that was uncovered in 2006.
Nicole: Whoa.
Mary Miller: It was a first century synagogue. And it was on the Sea of Galilee, in the valley there, surrounded by mountains. And over a thousand, two thousand years, earthquakes and mudslides and everything else, it got buried. And this couple had bought it, was developing it for a tourist attraction on the Sea of Galilee, which is really a beautiful area.
And as the equipment gets there and they start excavating, they hit something. And in Israel, with all the history, when they hit something, they stop. Yeah, they come out and check things out. And [00:44:00] when we got there, they were still was very much uncovered the ritual baths, the area where the rabbi would preach and teach and the table that he used and the mosaic tile.
They were sweeping the dust off this mosaic tile that was in perfect shape after being buried for 2000 years. Nicole, guess how deep that synagogue was from the surface?
Nicole: Tell me.
Mary Miller: 18 inches. 18 inches was it. And I felt this whispers like, Mary, this is like people's dreams.
Nicole: That's right.
Mary Miller: It's buried just under the surface and being outrageously curious and asking enough questions as what's going to excavate and release those dreams to be free to be fulfilled.
Nicole: Yeah, I love it. And so I can't help but say this. So I'm sitting there thinking, okay, so maybe the rabbi, Jesus [00:45:00] was in that building.
Mary Miller: They believe he'd been there many times because it was right by the Beatitudes.
Nicole: Yeah. Peter, Paul, John, James, the whole gang could have been right there. Who knows? And so don't miss that part of the metaphor, everybody. So the dreams are 18 inches below the surface. And
I'm just saying, all right, that's Nicole Greer's opinion on all that. So I love that Mary, it has been such a delight to have you on the build a vibrant culture podcast and Hey, everybody get all these books. Okay. And Oh, there's one more book that I thought of when Mary was talking, she said, you have to be willing to get into movement,
Mary Miller: Right
Nicole: And there's a book that's called How To Get Anything That You Want. And when you hear that, you're like, okay, that sounds a little bit like, snake oil or something, but it's by this guy named Mike Kornacki. And I got turned on to it. I don't know, 20 years ago, and he has a definition of being willing and it's my favorite.
And if you've [00:46:00] listened to this podcast, you've heard it several times, but it bears repeating. His definition is: the willingness or being willing is the ability to do what needs to be done without reservation, refusal, or judgment. Just start digging! And it'll surprise you, it'll only be 18 inches deep. You have to go.
Mary Miller: The digging could be that morning meditation time where you just ask yourself questions. If it was three years from now, what would have to happen for me to be happy with my progress? Personal and professional. Remember, you're one person with one life. Blend them together, don't worry about mixing it up, let it get messy, things will come together the way they're meant to.
Nicole: That's right. And that is the R factor question, which is a Dan Sullivan book. So we'll add that to the list. All right. This has been chock full of goodies and content and love. I just love being with you, Mary Miller. And listen, let me tell you everybody, her book, you can get it on the Amazon. I got it pulled up right here.
Changing Direction, Ten Choices That [00:47:00] Impact Your Dreams. Go get that. Let's start dreaming and let's change your life. And as she said, many, many times now, The people around you will change too and circumstances will change. All right, Mary, how do we get ahold of you? We need to talk to you about our dreams. How do we call, what do we do?
Mary Miller: Easiest way, I'm on Facebook, I'm on Instagram, but the easiest way would be just to email me, mary@dreamengineer.com.
Nicole: Okay. There you go, everybody. Personal invitation right to her inbox, and she will respond. It has been such a delight to have you on the Build a Vibrant Culture podcast.
And if you've enjoyed listening to Mary, and you're excited to get your dream cooking, will you go down, it's very simple, and just a click, a little simple click, and say that you love this, and then if you wanted to leave a little message, like, I enjoyed this, or this was great, we would certainly encourage that.
Appreciate that. Mary, I just love having you on the Build a Vibrant Culture podcast. Thank you.
Mary Miller: Thank you so much, Nicole. And I hope everybody has a [00:48:00] great rest of your day and don't hold back. Go after those big dreams.
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