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Creating a Foundation of Trust by Building a Safe Environment
Trust is the foundation of your mentoring relationship. Above all else, your mentee has to believe that you are good and that you want them to succeed.
The author Stephen Covey says “Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”
But what if your mentee has experienced hard times? What if there is trauma in their past or they have been betrayed by those who should have been taking care of them?
Because of their histories, it is often difficult for these children to trust the loving adults in their lives, which often results in perplexing behaviors.
While a variety of mentoring strategies may be successful with some children, children with histories of harm need caregiving that meets their unique needs and addresses the whole child.
That is why even some of the most successful parents are confused when what worked with their child does not work with their mentee.
Trust must be established between the mentor and the mentee before you can take any steps of progress in your mentoring relationship. And it can take some time. The reality is that some mentees trust their mentor in three weeks while it takes others over a year. But we can’t give up. We must continue to show up to build trust.
The best way to build trust is to create a safe environment.
Get down on their level.
Make eye contact with them.
Give them space and go at their pace.
Smile often.
Give appropriate touch.
Use words of affirmation often.
Undivided attention.
Be patient.
When your mentee raises their emotions, you stay calm. Listen to them.
This works with eight year olds and eighteen year olds. Even if they look like grown adults, we must always remember that they are still children on the inside.
This safe environment will create a nurturing relationship built on a foundation of trust.
For some of our kids, they are used to adults telling them all that they are doing wrong. Some rarely see an adult smile and take time out of their day to notice them. You get to be the exception.
Keep showing up with a smile on their face. Create a safe environment. Be a stable, consistent adult that they can count on. If your mentee lives in a world where chaos and instability is their normal, meet them with peace and stability.
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Contact us at zach@youcanmentor.com or at www.youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring organizations through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples. Learnmore@youcanmentor.com or follow us on social media. You can mentor. We're talking about creating a foundation of trust by building a safe environment. Trust is the foundation of any good mentoring relationship.
Speaker 1:Above all else, your mentee has to believe that you are good and that you want them to succeed, that you're on their team, and that you're gonna be there no matter what. The author Stephen Covey says, trust is the glue of life. It is the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds together all relationships. But what if your mentee has experienced hard times?
Speaker 1:What if there is trauma in their past or they have been betrayed by those who should have been taking care of them? Because of their histories, it is often difficult for some children to trust the loving adults in their lives, which often results in perplexing behaviors. While a variety of mentoring strategies may be successful with some children, Children with histories of harm need caregiving that meet their unique needs and that address the whole child. That is why even some of the most successful parents are confused when what worked with their child does not work with their mentee. Trust must be established between the mentor and the mentee before you can take any steps of progress in your mentoring relationship.
Speaker 1:This can take some time. The reality is that some mentees trust their mentors in 3 weeks, while it takes others over a year. But we can't give up. We must continue to show up, to love unconditionally, to be curious, to build trust. The best way to build trust is to create a safe environment.
Speaker 1:How do we do that? We get down on their level. We make eye contact with them. We give them space and go at their pace. We smile often.
Speaker 1:We give appropriate touch. We use words of affirmation. We give them your undivided attention. We're patient. I know that all of those things seem simple, but they can go a long way in creating a safe environment where your mentee feels the safety that they need to open up and to give you their trust.
Speaker 1:When your mentee raises their emotions, you stay calm. When they talk, you listen to them. This helps create a positive relationships. And this works with 8 year olds and 18 year olds. Even if some of our mentees look like grown adults, we must always remember that they are children on the inside.
Speaker 1:The safe environment that will create a nurturing relationship that is built on a foundation of trust. For some of our kids, they're used to adults telling them all that they're doing wrong. Some mentees rarely see an adult smile or take time out of their day to notice them, but you get to be the exception. You get to love them like Christ loves us. You get to make them feel worth and value and like they're the most important people in the world.
Speaker 1:So keep showing up with a smile on your face. The joy of the lord is our strength. Create a safe environment. Be a stable, consistent adult that they can count on. Your actions will speak louder than your words.
Speaker 1:If your mentee lives in a world where chaos and instability is their normal, then you get to meet them with peace and stability. This is a great way to help your kids experience the love of Jesus, to give them peace in a chaotic world. Thank you very much for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. I hope you picked up a new tip or 2. Share this with a mentor friend, and give us a 5 star rating on whatever podcast platform you're listening to.
Speaker 1:Thank you very much, and remember, you can mentor. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Please share this with other mentors and download our free resources on our website. You can also order Zach's book, You Can Mentor, or John's book, Mephibsheth, on Amazon. Lastly, we'd really appreciate it if you gave us a 5 star rating on whatever listening platform you are tuning in on.
Speaker 1:If you'd like to connect with us further, please contact us through our website because we're always looking for new guests or connections. Thank you. And remember, you can mentor.