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Tanhauser kicks in the Cackling Jackass door. Vali orders rum. Rahua, ambushed outside by a flock of owl-faced fey, solves the problem by running through the wall. Oren goes bear, Baldrick lights a woman on fire, and the Children of the Blaze fall back upstairs toward their boss, Mr. Allort.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: Pathfinder Second Edition
Creators and Guests
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What is Rotgrind - Narrative Declaration?
Five adventurers try to survive in this comedy filled Pathfinder Second Edition TTRPG campaign within the grim dark world of Tyne. Follow the show, get custom TTRPG content, and more at https://narrativedeclaration.com
everybody are you excited for another episode of road grind
it's been so long since we saw you bye bye dog okay okay okay okay i can't stop these tree men
my ass what what what is he doing what well guys thanks for coming to the last episode
wrong right oh shit we're gonna get canceled not like this we got unionized oh no
revolution my ass welcome welcome everyone to the episode six of rocker and i everyone hope
everyone's having a fantastic time but go ahead and hop into some announcement bits uh real quick
just let everybody know what's going on first off just like to say thanks everybody for supporting
us so far uh you've all been doing absolutely amazing kind of supporting us seeing fan art
seeing people you know show for the streams saying hi to us on youtube and podcasts everything else
we greatly appreciate it if you want to know where to find all that stuff you can always go to
narrative declaration.com where you can find all all of our stuff along with the patreon uh the
patreon we released a whole bunch of stuff really uh along with a fantastic chainsaw card thurston just
uh or thurston speaker if you want to i'm sorry to put you on the spot by the way that um you want
to tell me about the fantastic pdf you two put together there's something coming there's
something true coming down the streets it's getting closer it's now do another choo-choo
choo-choo it's getting it's right on me oh my god is it is it could it be
that's right we've created the chainsaw car on patreon it's here it's ready it's fast it's got
wheels and it's got wheels with teeth it's got chain glaives and quite frankly it's got a bad
attitude so please if you haven't checked it out already go ahead and check out the chainsaw car
also known as the iron baron in the world of tyne the lore and the concept was made by me and all
of the actually difficult things were done by our good friend thurston on call gm hillman and i uh
it was a lot of fun and uh we got that and a lot of other stuff some stuff i think made by urndale on
our patreon as well so come on in check it out but let's be real check out the chainsaw car run down
your players with the chainsaw car or get run down with the chainsaw car and it's free it's free so
if you've ever been curious you can come to our to our patreon check it out for free and you get the
pdf like i think it's like a four page pdf like it's it's it's a chunky pdf um it's got all the art
and you get the handout like sheets that we do for our sessions and tokens for it too so you get you get
everything everything and that's just the kind of a taste of what we like regularly put out on our
patreon with all sorts of cool stuff so yeah come check it out yeah yeah and um along with another
pdf for those who support us and stuff like that we've been releasing a lot of pdfs thurston and
jamie because of that have been really busting their butts off along with the amazing artists that kind
of help us out and also on discord um they've been doing an absolutely lovely job and stuff with
that for a lot of exclusive stuff there's also uh another excuse thing i like to kind of shout out
a artist called salty job who's been doing really really well she has been really busting her butt
off on these pieces and though those are the broad flies uh thurston was really helpful because i
wanted to take a crack at making some creatures and stuff but thurston was very helpful of looking
over my shoulder and saying hey zoran uh don't do that i'm like okay i got it and i changed it so
you get three monsters on one whole pack and stuff like that uh along with the patreon that's the stuff
that you can kind of get uh along with early access to the vods um on on youtube and along if
you're a twitch subscriber uh you also get to see the vods uh on twitch itself because now it's episode
six and we want to bring all this stuff up basically just so people are now aware that uh after this show
is done being broadcasted it now goes behind the sub wall on twitch and on patreon we quickly get the
supporters their their version schools you and we get you guys uh early vaude access on youtube if
you prefer to watch this on youtube on patreon along with a quick kind of put out of mp3 if you like to
put that on your device and listen to us while you're at work so it's just us kind of saying hey
thanks for sticking with us so long thanks for supporting us uh without you guys none of this
would have been possible so thank you all very very much for basically busting your butts off with us
and basically that's just the main stuff uh along with the bars that are below us uh everything else
at least for the stream if you all come watch us live uh you usually have these bars that are under
each person's name so basically if you want to help contribute to the stream along with helping people
out um during the game or particularly screwing them uh you can help us basically get hero points
hero points are a mechanic and pathfinder second edition and we use those to do narrative declarations
if you ever watched war hands we spin one and go hey i'm gonna do a thing
that basically is like hey i'm gonna do a really cool role play thing or manipulate the world a
little bit and stuff like that have a lot of fun with it allows us to do a lot of role play
opportunities and uh basically you can do that but basically when you do donate bits it only does for
bits not straight donations just to kind of make that clear um you do that along you see some people
inside the chat you do the bits the hashtag the player's name and it'll automatically fill up that
bar and with that bar filled up uh it basically will automatically go up and automatically give them
a hero point and we can click it to spend it and it can help or destroy us because sometimes with
that re-roll it can even get worse and even make things a critical failure so that so far as the
announcements thank you all so much for your support so far always remember narrative declaration.com to
see when we're live and all the fun stuff so with that i want to introduce the amazing people
to help bring you rock grind starting off from the left to the right odoroshi
hello is me uh odoroshi playing vali the sylph swashbuckler how is everybody doing today um
i'm no longer in your homes i'm sorry i had to move on um and yeah i'm very excited to play today
also and next up we have hulky crow yes that's me thank you very much for having me for the episode
i am pro i'm uh i'm kind of just just some guy who just showed up here they uh told me i could
stay in the show and they wouldn't press charges if i kept acting so yeah today i'll be uh playing the
wonderful kanrasu cleric rahua and i don't know i'm maidenless i'm sorry i'm tarnished guys
no man no imagine being maidenless imagine dragons i could never know no no no this is my
calm true next up is yeah hi my name is erndel and i am playing the human alchemist uh baldrick
weathers and he creates bombs and blows things up and generally tries to make the world a better
place by making it a worse place first than letting people put it back together also have you heard of
this band uh called imagine imagine zoran it's my new band yeah wow oh i'm throwing i'm throwing
tomatoes oh right i'm i'm speaker i'm i uh i i'm speaker i'm not gonna make a lame joke like erndel
i'm only gonna make funny jokes like um i'm gonna say that i'm i'm not maidenless i have two maidens
and yes they smoke weed moving on hey speaker i play yes it's so sad
that the prince died of ligma i'm gonna kill you who's who's the prince
that was me crumpling you like a fucking accordion anyway i'm playing tanhouser
i thought it was just hitting the ground erndel yeah like passed out in the middle of that bit
dropping like a marionette with your strings cut um anyway i play this guy tanhouser he's like a
revolution or something uh no he's an android he's a magus and by god he's going to bring revolution
to the city of outset whether it kills him or everyone else inside of it and uh i'm very excited
to play tonight all right that's me hell yeah and next up we have thurston hillman how you doing buddy
hi hi um how's it going uh yeah hi i am uh the gm sorry i'm just so confused by what that intro was
i'm like we've had a bunch of intros before that have been experiences this has been another one
hi i'm thurston hillman on call gm i'm the gm you can find me on all the things that on call gm i i
just want to play games today it's going to be fun i'm going to hurt them it's going to be great
okay what and her what
i highly doubt it you hear that you guys watch out the cat on the desk the cat is hopped up on
the desk she's ready she's ready for today's session now that the manager has arrived yeah
now that now that the community has arrived the actual gm's here add some fucking decorum to this
stream oh my gosh oh oh no she's attacking the mic oh and she's gone okay we're good and i am your host
as oran the bear i'll be playing oran the strix druid uh ready to basically totally base we're ready to
be totally rad with the rest of the stuff as i have a terrible transition and oh my god i forgot the
i have memory loss every intro i had a whole bit a whole thing and it died
like in live thing i could see the embers just leave my ears and go all right so basically with
that thurston i was leaving it that's who he already did oh okay this is a really really good intro we
we're not we deserve all 500 we're not getting out of the park today yeah yeah yeah yeah okay all
right we're professionals in this house yeah let's just take it from the top who are you otto
all right are you back in my house with that thurston what yes horrific what horrific experiences do
you have for us today well last time on rot grind our intrepid band of destined chuckle
fox regrouped at baldrick's house which has become their impromptu base of operations much to his
stations uh there they discussed uh their various leads in their ongoing adventures together as well as
the upcoming gala to be held by martinet cardozo the tyrant's guild also they cooked a meal and
baldrick learned a new bomb recipe as a result good good times good times um the group then traveled to
make some purchases with uh the the merchant blotis the fly merchant who is a notable vendor in the
pond's pilaster after making some much-needed purchases the group left and returned to the site
of the collapsed apartment building where their adventure began there they attempted to uncover
more about what led them to fall into the sinkhole and though they caught some traces of the presence
of the strange elemental being that baldrick spotted before they fell into the pit they could not track
the creature from this the heroes made their way to the architect's guild uh the local office
specifically uh to interrogate marlene lagasse the woman or lagasse the woman who originally provided
them with their mission to investigate the apartment the apartment there they learned that the
architects guild had received advanced sums of gold for the demolition and that they were provided
by an elf matching the description of one prince du chef and marlene believes that the local gang known
as the children of the blaze to be behind the hirings in the first place so that that gold came from
the children of the blaze of which prince du shelf is a member and for those of you who don't remember
prince du shelf and a group of uh associates was present at the apartment in our first episode when
our our destined band of uh chuckles fell into the pit now with all of this information in hand our heroes
continued on to the cackling jackass bar where they know that the gargoyle scholar du hakus resides who
they were instructed they might want to converse with to learn more about their situation um they also
know that the children of the blaze use the cackling jackass as one of their bases in the district
as they approached outside the doors of the bar heroes ran afoul of a foul-mouthed fey known as a
saucer which insulted oran's lineage before being shooed off with a display of electric power by our
our druid with all of this seemingly resolved our heroes take their first step into the cackling
jackass and so as we begin our session today i believe we've ended last session with tanhauser you
sort of jumped to the front of the group and we're preparing to open the door and make a loud
declaration as you you enter into the bar that's right i don't do things by half measures uh and so
i'm going to kick open this door and just proudly enter in with my posse okay so the the interior of
of the of the structure is is well lit there are several like candles that are standing on top of
tables uh the place has like close to um like close to like 10 or so people visible as you walk in
all in different groups at different tables uh there's a set of like a rectangular table uh immediately
to the left as you enter in there's a long bar with a bartender behind it there are several tables with
various groups three three groups in particular uh one sort of at that rectangular table there's a
circular table that's open right at the front then two more circular tables to the south what you can
see as you come into this area is a set of stairs in the distance that lead up to what must be the
second story and you've you saw from outside that like above your current area in here so like right
above is some kind of a balcony an exterior balcony um there's a small hall off to the west with with
doors that are visible probably like smaller quarters there's a door leading out to the south to some
other exit um and then you see these these gaggles of people as you you burst in tanhauser and proudly
step forward uh the bartender's sort of uh like the kind of middle-aged human uh man walks up while
cleaning a glass with a stained rag uh looks up at you what'll that be hello i'd like to speak with
your manager please my what uh the owner of this establishment uh it's not here right are you selling
something liquor and he like turns away from you tanhauser valley are you entering in or are you
just shouting that from outside because you're currently outside there oh i foundry is not loading
for me so i'll move you and i assume you're just moving in yeah yeah there we go it took a while that
was a long load time yeah i'm gonna come in just lean around tanhauser's shoulder yeah i'd like liquor um
he wants to talk to your manager i want liquor first a liquor i can do all right what are you uh
what are you looking for specifically rum a very tall glass and then a second one for this and i
hand him one of my flasks all right two silver pieces
yeah push it over the table thank you very much and turns around
please tell me all of you are getting liquor to do i know we have like a mission here but
come on oh i don't drink i literally said drinking was not something that is true are you old enough
uh i can't rule society to see the drinking age of outset
yeah yeah i'm writing the lore for it the answer is two
he doesn't know that rule the society check damn it i got a minus one let's go
i got a 16. it's two it's two
yeah i'm old enough but it's gross
it's either drink the crap water or have your child have a little bit of a liver problem you
take it comes and goes
right and i said we weren't going to be having any liquor here today so ollie go ahead and get slushed
all you want we're going to do our jobs oh come on you're such a buzzkill we can do things with
just a little i brew my own i don't need to do this what if i bought it i'm fine
come on baldrick i put four silver on the table
jeez christ uh the barkeep turns around uh having poured voli's drinks which he like steps forward
towards you tan hauser but slides the drinks over to voli thank you very much um the the people at
the table like that you are by by the bar sort of the central table um there's like a young elven
woman an elderly man and kind of a dwarf uh a middle-aged dwarf you could tell they all sort of
like look around baldrick you've sort of moved yourself beside the two of them as you come into
the space and like they're sort of like just leaning in like drinking their their drinks quietly the
conversation seems to have stopped as your eclectic band has entered this place
also um rahua can you give me a perception check please absolutely thank you
oh 19 on the die so 27 in total yeah so um as as you are um like standing at the doorway
not quite entering into the bar yet you you hear something coming from the east outside like
you you hear this hoot hoot come over here hoot hoot
who are you hoot hoot come talk to me hoot hoot don't do this i don't know i was told not to talk
to strangers although i am friends with strangers so i guess that's kind of a moot point
hoot hoot are you gonna let them tell you how to live your life or are you gonna be a tree man hoot hoot
like he'll be less of a tree if he doesn't listen to them do i really want to be a real boy
hoot hoot or you could be a tree bitch your choice oh are you prepared for the death you've earned
little man okay okay okay so as you turn the corner you see like like like like down on the ground
is the the like the wounded fey the the saucer that had previously uh taken a um like a like almost
lethal blast of energy from uh from orrin before flying off uh this tiny fey like looks up at you
uh it's clearly wounded it has these big eyes like like as you turn the corner it sort of looks up at
you uh sits like standing on the ground not even flying at this point hoot hoot no no hoot hoot don't
hurt me hoot hoot i'm i want to hoot hoot apologize hoot hoot i i i i i'm so hurt hoot hoot
well yes you're almost dead i mean i could i could help in one way or another i would like to roll
some sort of check to see if this thing is clearly bluffing uh could that be nature that more arcana
uh okay okay so if you're trying to like determine if it's if it's bluffing you i mean
sure i could do like so like trying to trying to like suss out if it's like if it's trying to like
deceive you would be more of a like a secondary perception check um just because you're you're
trying to perceive like it's attitude towards you uh so yeah give me another perception check
we'll we'll we'll we'll see here sure sure i was thinking more in the species sense if they're
known to be you know oh oh like are they known to be dis deceptive creatures okay yes um yeah yeah
give me a nature check too and we'll see if uh if that kind of kind of helps you out here okay
that's that's a good point there's there it is
one better okay okay um yeah so you know that these things are kind of like
the jackals of the fey world in terms of they just they they are notorious for
like shit talking people but never escalating it um however if someone like tries to take a swing
at them or damages them they are very soon not like they are very rarely going to forget these things
hold grudges in this case it looks really fucked up
well although it would be move me put you out of your misery i don't have any active portal
i could help you if you let me
hoot hoot its eyes like
like kind of like extending massively you would do that for me hoot hoot it takes like a few like
wobbling steps towards you swaying side to side it's great big eyes never breaking with yours
i don't do that but sure i don't have any active reason to not surely this seems like a good idea
your time is not now
you're going to extend his forearm okay are you going to try to like do like battle medicine on this
thing sure okay yeah unless it's actively engaged in combat it's it's not attacking you it's just
kind of like like oh you're going to heal me hoot hoot
uh yeah if it's a willing if it's willing it's it's absolutely willing to let you heal it
i still want you to crush this thing okay god damn look at it you know i would i would expect that of
certain other party members but the druid mm-hmm okay all right druids don't care all that much
about keeping animals alive there's a circle of life and i wanted that thing dead i know you wanted
it dead you want to give me that medicine check there yes yes i'll give you i'll give you the
friggin medicine thank you oh a 13. um so like okay so so you like okay uh it comes up to you you
begin like treating its wounds you have no idea how to treat its wounds so you're not like really
doing a great job on this um like like you're you're like uh you're not hurting it but you're
you're not really healing it and it's just like like its head cocks to the side and you're like
poking at its wounds with your your pain hoot hoot you're really bad at this hoot hoot
yeah they tell me that sometimes i also don't know what the fuck you are but
yeah uh i'll fucking i'll fucking hero point it why not i'll burn it right now because i'm doing
yeah all right fuck yeah do the hero point for me let's do it nope it's not what i want there we go
oh nice yeah yeah that'll that'll that'll not do well um 12 okay well it's still a crit fail so
hoot hoot you're like really bad at this hoot hoot i'm trying my best hoot hoot no no no it like
hops back like like kind of like hops back away from you hoot hoot no you should get the
fucking side and get a drink maybe your eyesight will get better hoot hoot
i this is what you get for trying to help anything yeah that's what i get for trying to be
any level of nice in this nightmare world this is not the natural order of things
yeah it like turns away from you and starts to fly and like it kind of like goes between again there's
this this big pillar that's sort of between um the the the the bar and then this like storage
structure to the east uh and it kind of full uh like flies southwards um staying you know maybe like
10 feet above the ground but like just under the second story and as it like flies down it's like
hoot hoot tell your friend we'll be back for his bird ass hoot hoot and then he turns the corner and
disappears can i can i add an insulting hoot to his dialogue yeah of course
hoot hoot see a letter you reject vortigod and then just flies away damn no damn
this is not coterminant yeah this blows rohua begins following down the dark alley oh okay
this is the side quest let's uh let's let's cut back inside rohua let's cut back inside well
we'll see what happens to old rohua in a bit um all right so um yeah the the man has returned he has
provided uh volley with you with your drinks tanhauser i believe you had something you wanted to say to
this person uh as they had come back i'll have what she's having
all right silver please i uh put it on the counter uh two silver right yeah i got two drinks one for
the flask and one for here yeah so it'd be one for you one silver thank you all right turns around
goes to make drink like just pours like rum out of like this terrible looking container
oh yes that's my favorite kind
all right there you go he comes back cupped in one of my hands i reveal it as i uh like i have my hand
on the desk i reveal it inside is uh a gold piece very quickly put it back down
i'd very much like to know about the people who run this establishment
yeah um it of gossip okay okay okay i um i like what you're putting down um
so um what kind of social skills do you have here buddy huh oh well i see what you see i happen to
have minus two diplomacy oh that's right what i do have oh my god what i do have is almost as good
um i happen to i believe have the feet streetwise um which would probably allow me to substitute uh
um my society modifier instead of diplomacy to gather information
uh when dealing with uh the pulse of my local settlement so i'd like to roll society
yeah that that's a great use of that for you absolutely excellent
don't you know
ah 19 on the dice 27 in total nice right right sort of like leans in conspiratorially uh towards you
uh like eyeing the hand that you have with the closed coin on it right um i'm licking his lips a
little bit more ham all right you want to know about who owns this establishment i've been looking to
engage in a talk with them oh it was with the manager you said right that's right all right um well
the manager um mr de shelf's in the the private suite over uh there and he sort of points to the
the door that's closed off in the little hallway to the west
any other friends i should be worried about
yeah yeah a lot of them um it's there's always a bunch here um but um you know some some of the
tables um though then he points like he points to the the the southernmost table and uh there's
two right beside you pointing to like like the the the uh dwarf and like this elf lady uh southern
tables free that old man's not part of it either but uh those two by your bucket friend there they're
uh on the take i think it might be closing time
uh uh uh well uh um um uh uh can i aid there's more where that came from okay how are you aiding
okay for i need to i want to do permission for a speaker am i allowed to help quotation marks yeah
i want him okay i want to propose this to you as you're saying it's time to close down i want oran
to be able to kind of pick out what you're putting down away i want him there you're holding his staff
like a shotgun and just like just like mimicking just him going like that
and trying to like clash some stuff together to kind of be intimidating about it maybe add some
electrical flare but still get the shotgun motif going i i question why you would need to do that
given that he rolled a full-on 27. because he wants to he wants to he wants to add flair
elect to be part of the adventure yeah we're role-playing yeah uh sure okay okay friendo um
you want to give me uh an intimidation check
i got a plus four nice yeah yeah do it up and i got a 19. hey that's not bad so there's like this
just like with the like the crackling of the um of the staff like some of the people like the
first of all the people by the door here like they they quickly like quaff back their drinks and
fuck right off like they just like rush out and leave
um then the the like the two down here uh sort of take that as as like a nod point and like kind
of get moving and they kind of like all get together and sort of head out the eastern exit
why were you making uh the mario the mario theme sound effect the pipes and go to the underground
level do do do do do do um okay like it clears out pretty fast but you can tell that like the two
people uh did not take the hint here ten hauser will uh crack his neck
do i take any damage the elf the elf woman like slowly turns her head towards you
staring kind of like at you looking you up and down
what is it you know i think it's time we talk about your benefits
and tan hauser will take us like a seat down at the table uh i'm gonna find a nice secluded spot for
myself whenever we unpause are you sure maneuver yourselves where you want to be
are you feeling unappreciated in your work
i'm uh doing pretty fine with my work
she looks at her dwarven companion and kind of like gives a nod and the dwarf stands up
oh and we just wanted to say hey introduce ourselves
warf takes a step into the hall all right introduce yourselves what do you jump on the table
yeah yeah may i um may i have the ability to intervene the dwarf in that time yeah like you
you would see him standing up like he's he's like yeah he stands out or it's just kind of going oh
sorry i'm looking for the bathroom and he goes over here he's just looking around i really like how
it kind of cut off so it's not like you said to wharf enters the hallway
watch out for empty plastic barrels
that bathroom has no honor on that note thurston while everyone's doing that uh may i craft
something using one of my imbue because we reset it as i recall which means that i technically have
all of my seven back yeah uh i would like to craft a belladonna and two alchemist fire moderates
yeah absolutely you can kind of sit down at the table and like we can safely assume you've been
working on this a little bit i'm okay with that uh okay so orin you were going to the bathroom
okay so what are you i'm just i'm just standing perfectly right here and i'm like man where could
that bathroom be the dwarf looks at you hey you know where the bathroom is door points to the south
oh i don't see any signage on it it's there now if you'll excuse me i need to go in this hole i
really like your beard it's really cool also what are you what are you what
i take out um just a just from my pack not like an actual like is there like maybe like cutlery on
like a nearby surface yeah for sure okay i'm just gonna take out a knife and i'm just very quickly
going to onto the table just scratch in this jagged mark in the shape of a g on the table
and then cut the knife into the middle of that mark a moment of your time please
the elf lady stands up looks down at the g looks to you you're gonna have to pay for that damage
the checks in the mail do you know what this is
she looks down looks at you no no clue how you best be leaving that's the mark we left tanned on
people staked for the sun to dry out on the desert wind the door the dwarf turns away from orrin
and like what the fuck is going on behind me keep going the things we put on those we've raced high on
a stage now you can all benefit from this lovely adornment or you could hear what i have to say
and benefit under your new management
could i uh make some kind of check i'll give you like an intimidation there yeah no way in hell can
i get uh am i gonna be able to justify society here you did all that for an intimidate oh my god
like literally you were just trying to be intimidating no no 100 this tannhauser is
intimidating but i don't have the stats to be intimidating yeah yeah i'll um i'm gonna pull out
both of my uh i'll pull out both of my pistols and kind of give a big uh big grin at the two of
them kind of click the safeties off of both of them i don't know i think he's making some points
maybe we ought to sit down and listen for a bit okay okay that that sounds a lot more subtle
my my assist was turning into a bear
could you even fit in the hallway
i mean i don't know about you but if you see a hallway filled with a
fucking bear you'd feel a little intimidated i i mean i'm not arguing i'm just saying you would be
squeeze in the hallway both of us can help right yeah or turn into a bear and get stuck in the
hallway like a giant fuzzy door oh that's exactly what the fuck's happening here too
i'm gonna show the amazing things of the chat stuff i just dragged it on there and now i'm a bear
now you're a bear whoa in the air oh my god i count i got a 19 on my intimidation oh wow but you
aren't a medium you are a medium yes i okay okay so you got a 19 not long yeah so you're a medium bear
okay which i'm going to spend a hero point on all right thanks yeah see if you uh mess it up
uh okay okay okay so so let me get this straight um baldrick is like sitting down happily making
like bombs and poisons tannhauser is like staring at this like elf woman who stood up like volley is
now like i i volley still sitting but has shown off the guns correct uh that was those bad phrasing
but like shown off her yeah yeah um and then then oran has literally yeah your massive gun guns uh
and then oran has turned into a bear in the hallway that's the scene we have right
the bears around the corner is around the corner in an alleyway i was just about to say all right
let's cut back to rahua so rahua you're heading down the alley to chase after this uh this this owl
creature right
hulkie did hulkie leave did hulkie abandon us my screen turned off and my computer had a moment
this is the player at the table who's looking at his cell phone okay hulkie um so you're here yeah okay
you're heading down the alley uh so what is what is going through rahua's head as you pursue this
creature well rationally this thing was not an enemy before but in insulting him in a way that
he can't possibly comprehend uh this creature has made an enemy of rahua and thus must be destroyed
okay it's it's just simple logic i don't i don't know how else to put it it's just it makes sense yeah
i'm imagining him going around in the corner and there's a gang of the little fake creatures
just snapping with hats on like ah came to the wrong place didn't you
right all right so so um so you you you you continue on down uh south following um here let's and
uh eventually you you catch sight of the wounded creature at the end of the alley it's like like
like has sort of done like a slight turn towards you like
hoot hoot aren't we done here hoot hoot
and in that moment a beam of roiling light will erupt from rahua's optic
straight towards this poor poor freak what the fucking hoot yeah please uh target it and make
an attack roll please absolutely i would be happy to we're gonna hit that with an arctic barrage yeah
sure if it me there you go click click click the attack roll i believe in you 24. uh yeah you will
definitely hit it with your your barrage please roll me ledamaggio of course
bootle of eight damage yeah so um at this point it doesn't really matter the type of damage since
they don't have any specific resistances so like this this chaotic tide of mutable matter like streams
out of your eyes like tiny little like spikes of energy and then like boulders and little like
slashing cuts and like the the thing's mouth opens up and it's just like who the fuck and it like tears
into its face um ripping it and causing like a great gouge and then like splattering its head
up against the uh up against the wall uh that quite kills it as it slumps down
fear the march of time
all right i think i feel pretty good can you can you right click on your token and um we're just we're
gonna do a little thing here um oh really oh no i thought i was just gonna go back to the tavern you
know just no no no no just uh just gonna get you to uh you know roll uh initiative with perception
please rahula you know i'd be happy to yeah thanks i'm glad and done yeah yeah yeah let's let's just do
that i'm okay for letting the this this first part of the show just be rahula's story so we can see
him get led to the zelda chickened on 27 um you know you know i'm just gonna one sec here just just
give me give me one one moment here uh but but but i care just gotta gotta do a thing here uh you
know whatever you do like oh oh no you'll you'll see it very nice
uh so rahula you suddenly had a hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot as uh from the other side of
the uh the area i'm just gonna let's uh let's give chat a good uh a good vision of what's going on here
you know just just because right like here i'll just put an oran token here so you can see what's about
to happen chat uh so i'm very glad you did you you decided not to melee it uh all right so uh for
those of you listening in the audio version there's about five more of these little things waiting
around the other side of the alley um rahula you start hearing this like immense hoot hoot hoot hoot
what are you doing oh mistakes were made
now at this point i think the rational course of action would be to leave fair enough
alternatively he does know that his teammates are inside the tavern behind him
mm-hmm how thick is the wall to my to my rear uh like it's a solid wood wall
but i'm a pretty big guy
yeah yeah
i think a couple strong punches might punch a hole in it into the laser beam
okay okay so you actually have a pick right which is that's true i have like like are you just gonna
like like start smashing into the wall yes okay uh give me give me an attack roll sure
all right yeah yeah jamie worked jamie worked hard on this map and now you're just
getting in a fucking park okay i was really i was waiting for you to fight them all so you could
literally recreate that picture of that one guy that artworks that guy fighting like a bunch of crabs but
it's the owls and it's just you with the pig just going to town well you never know you might you might
get that chance okay uh roll me damage sure oh my god that's three and five okay uh you're you're you're
you're doing some little bits of damage but it's a pretty fucking solid wall do you want to make a
second attack you've got two more actions
i like the point out by the way
the stream the stream title for this episode is called rotten ground episode six there will always
be a tavern but i almost called it we hopefully they won't burn down the tavern today like i was so
tempted the right oh we should it should be a quick tavern excursion every fucking tavern we go
to at any of our our like campaigns we burn it the down to do structural damage
but that's because we always always get like
fucking piles of bad crap sitting around them it's like oh i might as well burn down the tavern
fuck it taverns merely are a cosmic injunction of entropy they will always be chaos where a tavern exists
i don't know why i did that again that was nice do you want to make a second attack and use
that as your damage roll if you succeed yeah fuck it why yeah sure remember uh multiple attack
penalty so you're at minus five to hit the wall of course we didn't even try to talk our way out of
this we didn't even like make an attempt a 19. okay you hit the wall again this time you're you've
made like uh like you you've started to make some progress a little bit more and you might have like a
hole inside you have one more attack or you could move your choice last action hulky oh
fuck uh yeah there's gonna be like no window in the rear of this tavern because it's a fucking
tavern in this nightmare city uh we're just gonna we're gonna commit to the bit we're just gonna keep
yeah sure give me uh give me a third attack no no it's a map 10 it's fucking that's it's map 10 yeah
i've made worse decisions in my time we're gonna just move up okay okay okay okay uh so you're
abandoning the hole entirely okay don't abandon the hole did anybody hear that
oh no are you reconsidering rula you're giving me the worst possible thing for any person who's
ever given me anything which is a choice yeah i mean question question i would have thought this
ahead but you know what i'm regretting the consequence i'm regretting my actions but oh
who toot can't make a hole in wood hoot hoot
i'm just walking closer to him i'll get really close and get them into a tailbone it'll be fine
okay okay so you're going up to there and like waiting yes okay cool uh please end your turn hulky
absolutely hi a few things happen at this point this is gonna be good okay uh when you're playing
divinity and stuff and someone else in the party goes off alone and it grows like a whole
we have to keep ending our turn in the tavern because someone else yeah engage with the bandits
okay okay so so so you stand there like a bulwark in the alley to your left is this kind of like
slimy support pillar that rises up to your right is the staunch wood of the of the building you fill
the alley waiting for any attackers to come and then one of these things flies over you and lands behind
you like a shuffle of feathers and as it lands actually no it lands here you know what it lands here
as it lands and sort of like settles itself it begins just repeatedly hooting just
um okay so i should i think um see i should be able to have you make a will save give me a will save
please okay rahua a 20 not nat okay okay so that's a success so you are you are unaffected
um by this like this horrific hooting sound as this this thing flies behind you and lands behind you
okay please stop noise uh another one flies and lands behind you
uh this one however begins to assail you um with its like the little like bone saw on the front of
its chest basically as it lands beside you it rakes it across you oh that's where they get the name
oh uh 25 to hit you no it misses oh good good i'm glad i'm just gonna roll damage just because then
uh so it does nine points oh god of of slashing damage as it comes down behind you and you hear
the wood just like crack crack crack crack crack crack um ow and then with its next action it will uh
utilize its brutal saw so it was its last action was a successful strike with its saw uh now you start
taking persistent bleed damage as it is causing your like quintessential essence to bleed out of you
don't bleed hoot hoot but there's still something coming out of you hoot hoot um that's that one
and this one just comes up in front of you and attacks you this time this one is just going at you
with its beak oh will 24 hit you now that'll hit sweet
we'll do five points of piercing damage and then it will make a second attack
uh will an 18 hit a dash by zero oh really i have 20 ac what why is it flanked technically that is
right you are flanked that's why it gave me the plus two yeah that's right get rekt okay so you will take
another four points of damage all right so um this this all and you you now are just like assailed by
constant hooting um another another one of these things flies onto the corpse of its comrade i'm
just gonna move the corpse there um and then another one seems to like fly down this alleyway
out of line of sight and like the whole while all you hear is
um but we do come back to euro
uh mistake uh let us yes let us oh actually i don't that might end up killing me i don't think
there's any easy way out of this but again hell of my own making you're going to try and move past
them back to the hole that i okay i'm just going to have to take the damage well remember the
creatures don't necessarily get attacks of opportunity you're right i just assume because
there are many and i am one so you would have to like yeah you you would have to like push through
them so you'd either need to give me a athletics or acrobatics check to sort of like push them aside
or get through them i will give you an athletic check yeah do it up do it give me give me athletics
y'all it's not super super hard oh yeah absolutely enough so that's gonna uh so you'll what's your
movement your movement is 25 or 20 20 okay so yeah that's gonna be enough to get you just past them
with one move and they're sort of like fluttering out of the way you who don't what the fuck are you
uh but you managed to get past with your first mohawk that's a better one
and who is going to keep moving as soon as i am allowed to another 20 feet uh-huh i'm not gonna burst
out or burst into the bar i want him to burst into the bar and be like everything is fine outside
i don't know about that i could try what the oh god okay okay okay what are you doing i don't have
enough move speed to get to the bar either way uh can i attempt to continue bashing through this wall
absolutely if you want to attack the wall again fuck yeah i was you can chat i was not expecting
this uh you know you know um i'll give you you know you've made an athletics check you're kind of
barreling through you're using mate i will give you a plus two circumstance bonus on your attack roll
here let's uh and this could impact this might like normally objects aren't like you can't crit them
but i'm gonna give you some bonuses here so make an attack roll just to see if you somehow
completely fumble this i you don't roll a one hulky oh yeah he did he drove one d1 i'll do you
all right uh give me damage and uh you're gonna uh we're gonna reduce the hardness oh okay
so so so you haven't like burst through but there's now enough with like your your pick that like you
kind of have the jack nicholson here's johnny through the wall as your head can like peer through
and see your friends you do this just in the midst of this like tense standoff um so like we kind of
rejoin everything so what i'm going to now now have happen is i'm going to get all of you to put
yourselves in combat and roll initiative oh for christ's sake it's just simultaneously craning over
just like huh so fucking lootly uh oran got a 16.
uh sec
who is just poking his head just his face through the hole in this this is uh this is gonna be a
this is gonna be a thing okay emergency like hello friends we were trying to be so stealthy about this
shit and now we've just made the loudest noise possible like why did i wasted fucking belladonna
god damn it i didn't want to we we had them we had the info so what i'm gonna do to make this a
bit more visually appealing to everybody um just give me a sec here chat this is the power of foundry
by the way uh you won't really see this but like it'll impact hulky i'm going to uh to adjust the
walls here a little bit so so now it's almost like hulky can sort of see through the walls um
i think i'm gonna i think if i do this hulky you should still be able to see through the hole you made
in the wall perfect you shouldn't be able to move through it though um perfect yeah okay excellent so
basically you've made enough hole of a hole that you can see into the space everyone you so all of
your reactions is very much timed like like rahua your face like peers in through this like damage
section you've made with a pick your eye like staring in the closest to you of course is baldric
who is finishing the meticulous like poisons and alchemicals just in time to see rahua's head the
rest of you all see this um or and you've just turned into a bear uh i guess uh rua you have one
action left hello i've made mistakes what you sure have tree boy who don't what your assistance is
requested oh hey do you guys mind like taking five on this real fast you know this has been a great
standoff great job both of you um elf friend war friend but i think we have something to tend to
um rahua are you doing anything with your final action well i can run or i can keep bashing a hole
into the wall it's your choice uh we're gonna we're gonna keep hitting the wall because i need to
i need jamie oh map okay please give me an attack roll on the map i was i was not that was not
it's still gonna hit so it's a wall give me damage hey walls are fast true it's very true oh my
fucking god okay um so with with your pick and everything else that is enough to break enough of
a hole for you to to get through though you can't move through it yet true um so now there is a hole
into the bar um oh and uh and you uh you take one point of uh you take one point of bleed damage
and uh you can click on that recovery check for me sure
you're still bleeding uh but you more of your life essence has come out from like the sawing
you took previously all right uh volley uh a lot has happened um what are you doing
i'm sorry i had a plan i had a poison you had a plan oh my gosh yeah i was gonna do my plan to
support your plan we were all gonna do this we had a plan god damn it and i'm a bear
and i'm a bear and i'm rahua
i am against rahua oh no this is my tree sitting walk
well you just do something anything i don't care let's just kill it okay just kill everyone we're done
okay just kill everyone we're done with this we're done with enough to walk through uh yes evil campaign
thurston make me make me chaotic or chaotic neutral i'm done with this change my alignment
um so these birds are clearly up our friend here uh well yeah you can kind of see they've formed a
little troop behind him you can hear the like fluttering of wings you see that like um who is
clearly bleeding out his fundamental quintessence in front of you shit's fucked okay well i'm kind of
body blocked over here so you're also sitting still so you'll need to spend an action to stand up
all right um can i stick can i like backflip i don't know okay okay are you are you asking me if
can i move using an acrobatics check to get out of this prone condition yes yes you can
oh you want to do some kind of like chair backflip jump
bullshit i will allow it oh yeah absolutely thank you thurston you're my best friend oh my god
yeah i'm gonna get up with the the just like leap onto the back of the chair uh wobble a bit
apparently yeah it's enough to like i'll give you a five foot extra move from that as your action
okay um i'm gonna jump up here no panache i'm assuming i definitely need a 15 for that yeah just
hit me for panache it'll be fine oh yeah i just put your friends on the head
baldrick has gone blood knight alchemist now you can hit him for blood damage
oh no um yeah that door is super body blocked um i'm just gonna take a shot at the owl through
the hole in the wall leaving enough room for us to still get through yeah yeah i've got a pistol okay
so the the owl will get a plus two bonus to its um to its ac against this because it will have cover
from rahula just just just just just noting you know there's not much else i can do unless i want
to start running into the alley which no i'm not running into the bird gang oh no you're doing as i
would do which is my best this is this is the fucking dungeon equivalent of there are three different
rooms let's trigger all of them at once let's see what the fuck happened
hey mechanics are cooling great oh my god yes you oh jesus okay okay this is gonna be
fucking brutal so roll critical damage on this little because you definitely got him
oh my god remarkably unimpressive that's very yeah yeah i mean you you rolled a two and a four
but you still do eight points as you like blast this thing with the pistol uh causing it to like
stagger stagger back a bit as it takes the the brunt of the the bullet that flies like just by
the driver who is side hoot hoot fuck you hoot hoot i'm gonna whip out your eyes and
shit down their sockets hoot hoot it's mad it's very mad he's angry oh i'm gonna take a second shot
yes of course uh so uh map minus five yep i didn't know the owls had insults from full metal jacket
uh miss oh yeah so the the other one it goes off bang i think with your pistol uh i think i was
gonna be i always have to reload it for an action you have she has two though i think because she
had two of them my bad yeah yeah um now she'll have to reload them though um all right do you want
to end your turn yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna end my turn oh look who gets to go next um
it's gonna fly over you and through the whole rahua oh no uh it lands ginger you know what it doesn't
even land there it flies past rahua and like lands like on the fucking like bar desk just by the the
torn hole it like perches so it's now eye level with you volley its head kind of cocks to the side
hoot hoot that's some nice feathers you got there hoot hoot uh then it proceeds to
uh target you and attempts to like hit you with its like saw as it like moves up to like
look at the feathers but clearly is like bringing its saw blade down on you
oh jesus 20. we'll get a 20 and crit you um oh my god
we'll crit you for 17 points of damage because this is a deadly weapon um as it like basically
goes to look at the feathers and like comes in almost like to like whisper into your ear and then
brings the saw down on your neck um causing like would be a bad thing uh let's uh let's heal it back for
uh let's damage you okay cool uh and then i'll reapply the eight points there okay okay um and so
like like that takes this horrific gash out of your neck um and like is now sort of like leaned in
towards you volley and like closed your ear and says hoot hoot maybe i'll wear your skin the same
way you wear those feathers after i fucking kill you hoot hoot um and then uh why is the sawsaurer
dead i have to update that token because i accidentally applied damage to it but ignore that
um and then it will uh use its last action to uh cause you to have bleed as well
what i think is really quite incredible about the art of the sawsaurer is i don't get that it has a
saw in its stomach i just think it kind of has like a venus flytrap thing so my imagining was it went up
to volley's head and then just like put her head in its mouth like the thing no no it's just like a
saw that it just like moves up and down um all right so at this point this lovely elf lady backs up
i don't suppose you're hiring what is this discussion devolved into he backs up um produces
um like she has her dagger uh produces her dagger and then she begins uh administering an alchemical
substance onto her dagger uh and like after she does this the dagger bursts into flames
baldrick baldrick there's a lot happening baldrick what are you gonna do here i'm thinking
there's a port beam in this building hello there's a lot of walls
hmm so there's no centralized support beam that i could okay no i i think jamie's also like shouting
at me from across the room my precious map my precious map uh yeah no no no no like because
a lot of a lot of the support is is done through just the structural walls uh-huh let me take a look
at some things okay oh my god what does this let me do this okay uh baldrick is gonna see the elf
back up and you know what he's gonna let rahua and volley take care of the issue that they have wrapped
themselves up in and is going to focus instead on uh this thing that's happening up here with this
woman okay okay yep let me check here what's the best opportunity yeah this is fine uh so he's gonna
leap up from his chair and run up next to uh tanhauser unsheathe an alchemist fire moderate and
prepare to lob it at uh elf lady okay uh are you like you can lob it because you have quick bomber
if you want to yeah i am doing that okay yeah yeah so yeah yeah dude do l attack roll yeah uh he's
gonna look at her and say oh you can do that too here why don't i give you some more
and i'm going to thorough why is the action strike yeah why can't i strike with this
with all right i have to draw and then throw
uh any any other kinds of bonuses i'm getting uh no you don't take any penalties though because
you've got a clear shot on her so thank god i use a grenade and get a 20. lord this is like many
crits so many crits okay yeah um give me crit damage please be worth my time today
26 here you could use some more um she screams and falls into a puddle as like you watch this poor
elf woman liquefy as like the flame hits hits whatever alchemical substances on her dagger has
some kind of terrifying reaction and you like hear hissing and bubbling from her as she collapses
into a into a heap baldrick top man that was badass i'm glad that baldrick had a
fucking fallout mini nuke in his hand yeah that was that was a nuke grenade
that was a nuke grenade arguably better than the mini nuke oh my god uh do i have anything left i
can do so i drew i moved i you you stood up you moved and then you drew and through so that would
have been the three because you had to spend an action to get out of the chair because you were
sitting okay so that's three all right that's that's that's my go then all right please enter your
town yeah clicking that and turn but she's gone okay okay okay i instead of melting i like the idea
of the fire just going and then you just hear a the door beside you bear orin opens uh and like as it
opens uh you you your head can turn just enough to see uh the the figure of one prince du shelf
um holding holding his is like his elven blade in hand looking at you
what is uh what what is there he uses his third action to close the door
um okay that was the appropriate response i think yeah yeah i pray to god by the way for
for our sake and hulkies that there is not a window in that room through which he can leap
um oh my gosh um
okay uh this one flies past you
fluttering of fluttering this one lands in front of you volley another of the uh the owls has
crossed the breach that was made by rahua please talk 20 again uh no
and it like cocks its head the other way looking at
can everyone who is not hulky um so not rahua give me a will save does that include the bully boys
that will include the bully boys yes oh jesus christ there's gonna be a lot of little
saves here i will do 23. i don't even know what i freaking rolled that's an 11. i got an okay hero
point that okay okay i ain't got no hero points so i'm stuck okay no i do have a hero point i will
hero point as well okay so if both of you will please hero point i'm trying to but this the thing
is moving me up i'm trying to click it better it's a 15. okay hero quest okay so with your use of hero
points all of you succeed so hooray uh none of you are affected by the uh the terrifying hoot however i
must now uh roll some additional ones here uh so that one is fine
this one is super fine apparently jesus christ the 20s i know there's so many today that one is not
fine and that one is dead um so the only one affected which is kind of appropriate is the barkeep
who i think at this point is like you know what i'm good i'm i'm out i'm fuck this noise um and so
after it finishes that it like it lets out it's it's like immense like clutter of hooting it then
turns towards you volley and uh it attempts to like peck at your uh your knees with its uh with its beak
so please don't roll a 20 again and decapitate her knees no i will uh oh um
i was about to say uh sorry are you using nimble dodge to avoid that because i was not because yeah
my uh my ac is 20. should be yeah wait did it automatically calculate my nimble dodge
it says it's a reminder it doesn't automatically do it so it's a reminder gotcha that's that's good
that's good okay cool uh yeah so it misses you don't have to use nimble dodge hooray that's the
end of that one who's like hoot hoot as it just is like not giving any supporting text all right or
and you're up bear or and um what are you doing my friend i guess we're killing them right i was about
to say i think everything is now in combat so i don't know i i don't know the window with the
with the advent of the newf yeah i was kind of waiting for turns to go and i was like okay okay
it's the elf's turn let me just see what she does and then arendil's fucking or baldrink nuked her
and so i'm like okay i guess we're killing so oren's gonna bite the shit out of this dwarf
i said there we go jesus like i said zoran oh two i'm gonna hero point it you have two it's not
fair die the chat was very generous now i have none and 19 that'll be a crit very nice uh that will
absolutely be oh my god okay crit him i wanted to crit so bad so i'm so glad thanks chat thanks
for supporting us all right yeah that's going to be 11 points of damage oh okay um
ow he's like horrifically mauled by this second attack it's gonna be claw it's gonna be at a minus
four because it is a thingamajig yeah that's gonna be a 19. that'll hit that's going to then he's
gonna have to take uh seven points of damage he's like royally messed up now
and for the third attack it's gonna be claw again okay for my third action and just enough with the
16. oh my god just enough and then i'm gonna do six points of damage so basically i just grab him by
his neck and just orange and just like shake him like a dog while also clawing at him to death then he's
gonna look up and go like that was the right thing to do right you know i'm not even sure anymore
he was a bad man molly don't speak you're bleeding out
that's the end of orange's turn this one the the hoot hoot don't think we forgot about you tree
bitch as it like hops towards you rahua and uh one of the saucers goes to uh attack you wait i just
realized what these things are they're like the half-life hack thingy or man hacks or whatever
fuck's sake oh that's a good one oh it misses it misses like i don't know rahua you clearly are now
ready for their bullshits so uh it does it like fails to strike trying to sought you but being
unable to uh and it uses its last action to try to hit you again now missing as well like just
completely whiffing and it's just like hooting incessantly um this one moves up to here and then
just like flies in just fly like guess who's here as it lands on the other side of the bar so uh okay
that's that one uh tanhauser you are up all right seeing that my plan is going to smithereens but it's
not quite unsalvageable tanhauser will rise to his feet and just call out three gold to the man who
kills the most sorcerers and upon making this declaration i'm going to teleport to over here
uh to um inside the door what yeah i'm gonna use my teleport action oh actually you know what i can't
so instead i'll just walk up and open the door uh where orrin is you can't share a square with him
though he has to he is a bear who is like blocking all paths can i push him to the side or squeeze
past him you could give an athletics check and just try to push him sure all right sure i mean i can i
can just be willing yeah i'll let you push me excellent thank you thank you all right yeah i'll push
just slightly to the side open the door he pushes zoran to the side and he rolls over like a
fucking ottoman oh i should also uh since there's there's another there's another bully behind prance
du shelf who uh has a dagger that is similarly flamed up prance is now standing there with like a two
handed blade holding it out like defensively good evening i'm going to the fact are you here
supreme revolution and i'm going to make a spell strike on him um okay so
you moved pushing open the door so you have one action left yeah that's a spell strike right
is spell strike one action what wait is opening the door an action yeah it's a manipulate action so yeah
oh my god i actually can't do it damn this action economy oh you actually can't do anything
then how's it moves up more feet opening a door eliminates my ability to do shit oh my god
just poke him with your rapier once yeah oh my god that'll be fine
i'll uh do i have any cool one action spells um
i'll uh let's see i do have my arcane conflicts i can enter into but that won't really help me
so enter the scrunch that's right so instead put up a shield so you've cast a spell last round
um well i mean i haven't used my spell strength today so yeah yeah i got it in the tank so instead
what i'll do in order to allow my companions to help me more um i actually ah you know what
fuck it what's time i'll just attack him normally all right do it up yeah that's my option here tarnation
uh i hit him you hit him
take that
you make a really sad attempt and you poke him in like armor which causes your rapier to bend in
the middle like it's made of rubber like that what was what was that a warning shot
how do you want to end your turn there ten what a turn it was
next round will be great it's gonna be so good next turn yeah it's gonna be so good
no all the sorcerers get to just kill rahua and molly
i didn't know if there was a window i thought it was important to get there
it is important to get there because it's fucking stealth fail us completely oh god why is that one
up there in the straggler that flew past rahua down the alley has made a full return and it's now
fluttered through the front door landing on the edge of the table hoot hoot i'm here too don't forget
about me hoot hoot um thank you cedric this one
oh god um thurston may i ask that he get to also roll a morale check of some kind considering
one of his friends was reduced to cinders and the other was ripped apart by a bear
the other was i'm actually i'm actually looking at tanhauser's sheet really quick for something um
tanhauser you know what fuck it it's it's normally i wouldn't like do this but what what the hell
give me a society check please thank god oh we do live in one of those i don't know if you guys know
that not right now we don't yeah right now we live in a wasteland
we live in uh 13. oh
you know you know um you can tell this guy here is like three go paces that's three ho go paces he
rushes out um having like basically applies the the oil to his weapon the the sort of burning
oil and then takes a stab at this saucer with his dagger
and misses like i'm trying i'm trying he's shouting as he's stabbing it
uh this one just is nope nope nope nope nope nope nope
and uh runs out
hey thank you peter griffin that one's dead we're back to you my friend top of the second round in this
everyone's involved combat you're right which you totally didn't start by the way
hulky crow is the great equalizer he is like he's like henry kissinger if henry kissinger was a tactical
nuclear weapon why would you quit your friend to henry kissinger no jesus holy
shit okay we love you we love you hulky i just want you to know that we like you
i'm very angry at you right now we love you sure you do we love you i'm extremely angry at you
so be at the birds i'm going to attack the saucer in front of me directly in front of me with the
mace please please roll i'll narrate in a sec i need to bring in one sec the vines congeal around the
mace and i bring it down the time for speaking is over the time for murder is now 18 it hits
oh i love it when hulky crow rolls four damage iconic hulky crow whiffing moments jesus iconic
hulky crow sockum bopper moments
his ass cheeks to the sockum bopper shut the fuck up we have that in the last campaign
he doesn't have ass cheeks i'm doing this just i'm doing this to inflict a crucifix moment on on
thurston uh it was this one right hulky this one here the one to the right of you yeah yes okay my
stumps my stumps my stumps okay stumps fuck you god that's impressive that's an impressive
i just i just i just i don't need to brag guys but i got fat damage
i will take my second action i'm going to burn it okay die oh i didn't do the
fucking map thing it's fine it missed anyway it's fine i gotta sue chat they need your energy
otherwise i'm gonna beat them with talking birds the birds have so much health they have so much
health and saws there are five of them and four and five of us
i can't oh i'm still really stuck in the sockum boppers thing because the only thing i have in my head
is sockum boppers and the ass so thick and a pillow fight i don't know why but it's destroying my mind
doran no come on i'm gonna start making some time out
ruin your turn please let's see if you take more bleeding hurt pain death well you will yeah let's
do that yeah and your turn rahua yeah oh my god oh look you take four points i'll apply that to you
and uh click that recovery check button for me dog for crap's sake oh good it's still there excellent
nice nice yeah glad i'm all right molly you're up oh boy oh boy oh boy your neck is bleeding out
and you have two of these they're uncanny valley eyes staring into your soul and like as you sort
of backed away from the strike you've only like managed to turn around and gauge your surroundings
enough to tell two more have flown in and the whole area is now filled with the roaring of bears
the crackling of alchemical fire and hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot what would you like to do i hate this
so much covered in feathers yeah um i'm going to ah fuck it i'm gonna make an athletics check to like
or acrobatics rather to just like jump deftly onto this table just like flip on top of it
and i'm gonna stab the absolute fuck out of this bird right here um let's see if i eat absolute
shit oh no i don't oh you're good you're good you're good i assume you're looking for some
panache yes yeah i'll give you your yes of course i'm i do a backflip every day of my life
my only response to that is hoot hoot bird time i'm going to um is it going to take two actions to
put away a pistol and pull out the rapier uh no you could just drop your pistol effectively and grab so
i'm gonna drop a pistol and take out the rapier yep that's one
and i'm gonna stab this little fucker yeah and like it's like its front is coated in your blood
it's wide as because it's about the size of like a large child so it like its head looks up to you and
it's like it's per it's personal now you little bitch damn please please critically fail oh you'll
hit it no that is a 21. that is okay now please in do damage is all i ask
i as the person who has one shot a thing in this combat to demand better of all of my companions
dude exactly don't even start with me i'm gonna hit with the finisher do it up
i know you guys can do damage look there's damage there's damage you kill it it's dead
it's personal wait wait wait no no no no i just imagined it's like you're like it's personal
it's like who told so is my relationships with you and then you just stab it before it can finish
yeah volley is just like bent over it just like stabbing it over and over with the rapier like i
hate this fucking bird such repugnant creatures that's horrific creatures all right all right i'm so
sorry uh will you click on that recovery check for me too and i'll apply i would love for crap's sake
oh good you're still bleeding do i not get any bonuses no it's a it's a flat 15 unless you
basically spend an action at which point you can make it like a flat 10 or even a five depending
on circumstances you need to staunch it which is something you need to do something which you can't
do because there are there are still four of them um that that one's dead that one's dead baldrick
what are my options god my options are great i know i don't know if i can pull off the same like
roasty toasty treatment let me think if only i had a fucking hero point is all i'm gonna say because i had
a really good idea i'm gonna do it anyway just because it's funny hey what are you gonna do doug
i would like to spend one action to uh grab a pickled egg and consume it
damn if i had a hero point i would have said they don't exist
you bastard you want to ruin this one too
fuck you there are no pickled eggs in rat crime you could have
one sec one sec i'm just gonna ping i'm just gonna ping right where volley's standing if you zoom
in on the map if you just zoom in right where i saw them i had this i had this whole bit planned
where i was gonna take a pickled egg i was gonna inject it with belladonna and feed it to the
fucking prance to shelf motherfucker but no we got to deal with jack nicholson and his birds we love
you hulky i love you hulky die there are no pickled eggs there are no do i get a bonus for consuming
the pickled egg oh i'll tell you when you tell me what your next action is my next action is to throw
the other alchemist fire moderate that i made it the fucking idiot that wandered in through the hole
this fucking dumb ass this this one no this guy here oh okay yeah yeah yeah the one but yeah
absolutely because i don't want hulky surrounded okay that's fair uh i am going to also rule shape
charge i'm not going to hurt this guy because i'm considering him an ally yeah okay sounds good
we'll see if we can't get something useful out of this fucking mess what do you mean it's perfectly
salvageable all right i'm rolling a strike moderate what do i get a bonus for the egg i'll give
you a plus one bonus because of the egg okay hang on modifier holy shit there the the chat's energy
is coming your way too plus one egg everyone give baldrick your energy no no hang on i'm posting this
i'm posting this in the uh i'm posting this in the rock grind uh campaign discussion oh no
i don't know all right emanations of sulfur leaking through the walls
i use a grenade no i barely miss even with the egg bonus no
if only i had a hero point that i didn't have to having that hero point just too baldrick i'm so
fucking i'm pissed because i had to blow it on the fucking scream but then it was like no
sorry you don't get anything to give an accurate count well never mind they got you you now have a
hero point by the way thank god my soap boxing i'm going to i'm going to hero point that okay please be
worse please be a critical fail please be a critical fail so he damages all of you oh please i want you to
crit or crit fail no other alternatives you got it hey hey you guys have only yourselves to blame for
the negative fucking energy i just wanted to eat an egg and that is your crime this is your punishment
for eating an egg i don't even like eggs but baldrick probably does fuck it who cares
oh all right tell me what the hell do i do um one sec i have to remind myself i think
i think if you crit fail on a splash it's bad one sec do i kill volley or not
uh oh okay okay okay okay okay okay okay no you're still good in fact you you're you're good
it's just on a crit fail you don't even damage you don't even do splash damage to your target so no one
takes any damage oh so what happens basically thirst and i throw the bottle it bounces into his fluff and
falls to the floor baldrick stares at it for a moment and goes a dud yeah
and then the like the fucking saucer just looks down at it looks up at you looks down at it looks
back at you hoot hoot that's too easy even for me to follow up hoot hoot okay congrats guys i'm out of
pre-prepared explosives i'll have to fly on the fly some more the uh the sorcerer outside goes hoot hoot
oh my god sorcerer a bomb hoot hoot
another one goes a bomb
bomb bomb all right i'm exhausted i know
we just started this is only round three uh yeah we got the break yet god damn yeah i know
yeah because we gotta finish this brawl which has gone on with we're supposed to have one brawl
instead we have two no it's just one bigger brawl that's the size of two there's you know what he's
subtly trying to be like see what i did was okay it's fine hulky crow has earned his death i am no
longer assisting him with the guy flames please let us remind ourselves that it is all thanks to tree
please end your turn no i'm i'm gonna hold on to this forever i'm gonna end my turn
good it is now fucking sawsaurer 500's turn who gives a okay okay okay um well the uh prince du
shelf uh attacks you um i don't see him in the list where is he um under him yeah oh i don't see him
under me at all i don't know because i don't see him yeah because i don't see him that's why and then
i'm going to attack you um like tanhauser with his with his curved blade which uh um which will hit
you it will and then he will do a mighty six points of damage to you jesus crap he gets a plus seven on
the attack that's horrible then then with his next action he will close the door oh no he's
gonna lame you can i do anything to try to put my foot in the door oh he's gonna lame you
he's doing four tactics on you i mean we know that there's not a window where's he gonna go
you're in my way sir sir what skill what skill would you like to use to stop the door like
acrobatics or society if i can no yeah i'll use acrobatics okay i'm gonna nanite sergeant
i'm gonna have this be opposed by his his reflex dc which will then so the dc here will be a 22.
what is this opposed check he's trying to hold the door open and prance is trying to shut it so you're
rolling an acrobatics check for fuck's sake
it's a one i'm i'm having a great time here at rock grind today we're having a good time
the door closes you just hear no it's this time
oh god okay he's a please genuinely genuinely if he successfully closes this door i can do nothing on my
my next turn and so i have to spend my hero points we have a we have the owls covered at this point
i don't think we do i don't think we do i kind of look at myself like i'm talking to me going like
i don't know i got actions my we have so much enough you can open the door fine i'll leave it to the
you open the door i'm so mad that we are in a position where we're getting lamed by a door
i mean you know tactics or something this is how i play oblivion thurston
the fucking android is like i am the embodiment of the revolution he's like no
fuck that close door he's not a mormon
fucking jesus dude no i have done nothing successfully all session
uh well uh let's let's have this saucer a go next um
it just walks towards you it doesn't even fly baltrick it just walks dude no my apologies my
apologies its first action is to pick up your bomb with its beak it's a dud thurston you can't use it
against me don't try this don't try this hippy dippy with me and then it walks up to you
it attempts to hit you it attempts to uh to smack you in the leg with its saw
i am so glad this piece of shit failed this is what happens when you credit at the beginning
everything else just it's like oh damn uh then it's gonna try one more time
it will fail terribly both times for the love of god someone else give me a hero point i have such a
great idea and i just need to get in the hero point to do it uh oren the bear or in the bear
you're up are you going to continue the back and forth pushing of your companions by
i can move through an allied space i open that's true okay so yeah you're gonna move uh open door
and then i'm not gonna move i'm i'm i'm just gonna open it okay yeah yeah i'm already there i'm
already adjacent to it then i'm going to move in by doing five yep ten process standing on top of the
the couch okay you're sharing the couch now oh no my first action was open the door second action was
to uh go through the door and my third action is to fucking maul him oh no i jaw attack him
why is there a bear
uh yeah that that will definitely hit him please roll my plan is to not kill him
considering the fact that he's striked my friend so or it's like i'm gonna
fuck you up so you can just you know not do that anymore oh no we're not talking to him we came
here to kill him i just i just imagined ten i'm just now like my turn to close the door enjoy your
bear it's it's very tempting because or is going to lightly kill him okay a light killing we do a
little kit killing oh we do a little killing and that will be the end of my turn now that there is an
open door oh okay i'm so man oh my god this is such a hero point i need like adderall
uh this saucer is like hoot hoot looks like all your friends abandoned you tree man it's just you and
me in this dark alley alone so we dance through the endless annals of time uh and then it like
it hops up bringing its like saw down towards your chest or i cut you open and turn you into my nest
and have my kids in you hoot hoot um holy crap oh my god please stop hitting uh even my cat is like
what the fuck uh stop hitting we're being murdered by birds i think yeah that'll hit uh sweet uh
uh does six points oh oh not to hit oh fuck yes good yes yes yes no um then it will uh try to attack
you again with its saw but you didn't damage it for six i will get to it um not this time um yeah get the
damage on him and then it will use its last action to fly uh past you so going up and then through
and moves it into the bar which is now just full of hooting and feathers and
damage of this it's shit i use this okay uh then this one gets to go this one will um
kind of hop up fly behind you baldrick so now it's flanking with its friend i hate this and it will
attempt to saw you hoot hoot as it comes up behind you there goes the chainsaw car oh nice thank god
oh shit i miss with it too um it like angrily like stop stop moving and it like goes to peck at you with
its beak in frustration also missing please keep missing i need oh my god hit me um tan hauser
kill wait was that a critical miss no it was not but it was not on you
it was not on you oh it has to be on me yeah i want all my heart to break into this room and kill this
elf but my friends are being flagged by these no hominy goblins you will have your time please
ensure we don't lose it's a good wait do you want me to help zoran or do you want me to help you guys
i'm good i'm gonna solo these guys i'm good zoran's about to be set on fire by a chaos so i hand her plus
10. no she has a dagger this guy just is an elven blade hold on hold on zoran's the god deer he's
built he fed in jungle all game he's gonna go ham on these guys he's fine i'm getting this is the
definite tan hauser doing what is tan hauser is looking in the dictionary for the phrase mixed signals
and he's experiencing that definition right now calamity and so what do you want to do it doesn't
matter what i want what matters is what's funny i'm going to use the reactions and cast scorching ray
on these fucking owls and find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop
good
so that's what we're doing
give me a favor target each of target each of them and uh when you do damage i want to see the
special effects too oh yeah so so when you cast it you you can fire an additional ray uh to a
maximum of three so you'll get three rays um targeting three different targets so i assume
just one on each top bottom yeah we're gonna go okay no we're gonna go bottom and then the two on
uh baldrick okay so this one and then these two gotcha gotcha gotcha cool cool cool cool cool yeah if
this guy sees all his friends getting caught on fire he might fuck off okay so you roll them but they
don't count towards your multiple attack penalty so start with the bottom one and then we'll just do
the other ones and then we'll do damage separate bottom one bottom one good uh hits okay middle one
middle one oh my god i had it one hero point that you do have a hair point if you want to
can i uh use the hero point after i see if this one hits the guy oh yeah yeah i'll let you like roll
the other one too just in case sure yeah so yeah you'll hit twice so you can hear a point
the one i'll use it yeah i'll hear a point the one that missed yeah yeah hero quest hero
all right that's fine things can't be that easy okay so the middle one uh is the one that misses so
the damage on the bottom one um that's wrong microwave him oh that looks red uh if you if you uh
hold left all and target all of them and then roll that damage i actually do the beam on all of them
oh that'd be um but i don't think try it out no go try and click damage it's really cool
yeah well i i just didn't damage to that guy uh you roll damage again because you actually because
you spent more than two actions casting you do 46 on a hit oh right yeah okay yeah i what am i doing
i'm doing um yeah you can click that 46 thing that's in the spell description there for the
there you go okay so you'll do 13 on the bottom one all right okay and then the top one top man
15 on the top nice yeah they both look incredibly fucked up now after they've been hit by
oh yeah i'll show you i'll see if i can do it i can show you it's fine let's just let's just
spend so much time yeah uh okay i hear your owls can move your heads 180 degrees
i'll twirl them off at 360. good scare the fuck out of these stupid things the owl like head turns
towards you and matches its eyes like barely above the the table so you just kind of see the top of
its eyes and its mouth slightly moving like from its like burned form as it looks at you tanhauser and
it just says hoot hoot i like you i hate you i'm gonna end your turn tan i would love to end my turn
oh okay so this one this one just walks on top of the body in front of you this body
it looks at you like just waddles up to you tanhauser and looks at you hoot hoot
it looks like it's coming to hug you
hoot hoot and then it brings its saw against the side of your leg hoot
can tell hits you with one um so it'll do
five points of damage to you i'm not why do i keep so weird because i always is yeah no uh okay so it
does five points of damage to you then it uses its uh final action to brutally saw you and apply
bleeding to you as well as you're like hoot hoot i'm gonna enjoy watching you die hoot hoot
you're gonna be lots of fun as it's now covered in my oil i'm going to say do you understand how
flammable you are now hoot hoot um this this guy here goes and like turns to see the one that you've
clearly messed up and like raises his dagger and stabs quickly at it
what a hero yeah like like crits it um so
does eight points of damage ten points because of the fire uh so absolutely completely murders this
thing and you just hear him shout three gold three gold i got three gold not yet yes this person kills
the most of them not just one uh then he proceeds to use his second dagger drawing it and throwing it
um over at the one behind you uh baldrick and seeing if he can kill steal a second one uh
what a fucking hero uh let's see if this works no no no the dagger goes like sailing between you and
volleyballs it hits the smoldering remains yeah conk mediocre that one's out um that is that brings
us to the end of this cover how about we take our break here i think we should take a break
are you sure yeah sure okay let's take a break here before we come back to round four of the
shit show i am so oh my god filled with flame you will believe an owl will die i have an idea i just need
the time all right with that everybody we will be right back see you in a bit as our adventures take a
break we'd like to take a moment and thank our sponsor you you sharing the videos advertising
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okay we're back to suffer oh it's so unbelievably hot in my room right now round four fight
top around four you're bleeding your your fundamental essence is leaking out of you there are still three
shit talking birds in the bar you see them through the hole you have made to break into the bar what
are you doing i would like to try and stop the bleeding please staunch okay yeah so um effectively
i'll just like you can just spend one action and then at the end of your turn you see if it holds so
you'll you'll spend an action that'll decrease the dc uh down you could spend two actions if you want
that would make it like easier so like you could spend one action to reduce it to a flat dc 10 or two
actions to reduce it to a dc 5. uh i will just spend one action for that cool all right then good
another 10 feet so that i'm flanking this sauce or her yeah of course
i am going you hit it yeah so you're coming up and it's not looking at you it's looking at tanhouser
kind of like hoot hoot missed me hoot hoot
so uh yeah and as it's trying to insult him i'm going to bring the pick down i'm going to drop the
hammer into its little skull make sure you're close to your mic at all then oh i'm sorry
my apology that will hit 19. give me dimaggio here you four damage okay uh you smash into it with
your pick its head immediately like turns towards you hoot hoot for round two hoot hoot
this is the last round
you're right um this one okay if you want to end your turn and then we'll see if you can recover
from the horrible bleeding it'll say 15 but you can just roll it
hey yeah way too boy next turn there we go cool um all right so that's gone now hooray uh that
brings us to volley you are also bleeding um but there are several things how do you want to handle
this here you're standing on the bar bleeding out from the neck uh one of the things is down by you
one of them is charred and wounded by you what are you gonna do oh god uh part of me feels like i
should just take out the wounded one but i feel like i should just leave that to our our guy that's
running around and stabbing them um maybe just make sure of it please
that's the thing because it's like i could start chunking through some of the healthier ones
oh you're you're you're thinking of maybe doing some kind of acrobatics panache finisher flanking
bullshit aren't you oh yes naturally i see i see i'm going to uh yeah for my movement i would like to uh
i would like flip onto this table here i was about i i was like i knew i could see see the matrix of you
wanting to be like i acrobatics right here i jump onto the table and do a roll a natural one please
please roll a natural one i want you to just like land on the edge of the table and it just
flips up over you hi i'm valley welcome to jackass my name is volley and i'm sick of that fan
roll me the one please oh shit okay yeah okay that's 27 yeah you like
fucking land with like a fucking pirouette spin bullshit on the table perfectly uh you have your
panache move yes uh i'm gonna uh is it a free action to take a drink sure if you rolled a 27 i
assume that was just part of the check yeah landing on the table just tip the uh tip the glass back
drain it and then uh stab this bird oh gosh oh oh the you're gonna stab the wounded one okay
oh no i'm gonna stab the one in front of tannhauser yeah of course bulgric to his fate very good no
i'm not that's why i'm suggesting you attack the one for four days days he days
yeah uh oh me damn it yeah we'll do a hit
almost a two uh that was a 21. so that will be a 23 because the flank it'll still just be a hit but
it is a hit yeah oh wait did we put the striking rune on this thing
no oh my god so wait wait wait no because you you guys never went back to get them never went back
because you immediately came here we kind of didn't expect it i i mentioned it at the very
beginning it's like oh well we didn't have our timer do our things yet so i guess we're here like last
sessions that's why i didn't i don't have leather armor so that's why i had to turn into a bear
um let's just um let's just agree to blame uh for that as well can we yeah yeah that's fine you know
i'm gonna hit this thing with the finisher i'm just saying hey 17 holy
it's a powerful piercing blow but it's still alive barely as it's like now turns around to you like
whipping back and forth between you and tatnozer yeah i'm i'm gonna uh just give it another stab
uh just try to try to take it out just a regular little little regular stabbing a regular stab minus
poke him poke him poke him soccer he's gonna die you're gonna hit so give me damage you gotta kill him no
no matter what i think probably hey max yeah oh damn as the saucer like falls down having been so
eager to take down um tanhauser just like collapses you come up behind it and brain it twice i'm gonna
empty the rest of this a glass of rum into my mouth and just i hate this collapse drunkenly off the side
of the table side of the table side of the table um oh jesus and i uh lay myself down in defense mode
and end my turn oh good good uh you have to recover yeah i'm sorry finally
uh okay it's my yeah you did and then you took
one damage okay one damage good okay uh yes was this lady in the room with me have a turn
um yes she does i don't see it on the tracker she hasn't taken a turn at all for the past two
turns it's it's because she's invis invisible and i forgot to make her visible thank you there you
yeah uh okay uh baldrick you're up okay are you ready for this possibly extremely stupid idea that
you'll say no to please lay it on me yeah i would like to narratively declare okay that i will
use my remaining oh well hang on i will use one more of my alchemical like infusion things to
quickly brew up a alchemist fire moderate if you if you will follow me for this yeah okay okay you're
okay i'm going to grab the healthy saucer in front of me yep i'm going to jam the potion into his mouth
and throw him at the wounded one that's pretty cool i will allow this mark yourself down a hero point
this will require two things a successful attack roll with the uh
with with your bomb and then a successful uh athletics check to reposition the one you have
put the bomb in the mouth of okay please don't beam me now no not rahua i'm not hitting him i hope he
won't need it's okay this is going to happen eventually yeah okay do i still have my egg bonus
i'm gonna say the egg bonus lasts 1d4 rounds if if the if i roll a one you don't have the egg bonus
okay you still have the egg bonus i rolled the thank god god egg egg egg no one else i like that no one
else sees this bonus except you and you just have to type it in egg bonus very good
this is a waste of my time episode 6 the extremely cursed episode i am supposed to get the death of
this we got beamed by rohula walking in blowing a hole in the bar everything i did is screwed
ah no oh earned oh my god hey people gave you a hero point it is is hot in here i am burning alive
in before all the youtube comments i paid a win please roll a one again yeah you don't remember
these here points it just allows you to roll worse than the ones oran you can roll another one
oh my god that's correct all right i'm re-rolling with a hero quest the great that's okay now make
the athletics test okay god it is hot in here and i want to say by the way courtesy of everyone who's
been donating to me which includes jamie which includes my roommate who's watching this in the
next room who told me to shout him out and i would have anyway this includes everyone who's giving me
all these points so i could do this horrendous nonsense okay acrobatics where's the skill
i'm giving you my energy this drinks for you oh yeah that's right hang on egg bonus
don't thank god on the three i saw it on the three it almost was but it's at 21 in total roll me
roll me the fat damage please okay alchemist fire bomb explosion whatever the hell roll damage damage
11 okay okay okay so great and mighty urndel okay so so you do 11 points of damage to this one bang
uh you do two points of splash damage to this one bam this one is also on fire now
uh the the implication was i wanted to turn him into a big bomb and oh yeah which is what you do
like you basically like grab him pull him over and then there's this catastrophic explosion as you
maneuver him into place doing the damage to both of them and causing the one to get on fire as well so
so okay how many actions was that was that all of them draw attack athletics two i'd say that's two
i'm gonna multi-attack penalty with my club yes and just try to beat the one that was in the splash
why does it say why did it unequip all my equipment i don't know there's probably some updates and stuff
yeah just just equipment and hit weird okay i'm gonna multi-attack multi-attack minus five yeah
because the second attack of the round oh hang on as you beat it to death with club as this little
thing is like singed and the other one's on fire and their their incessant hooting continues okay let
me see egg bonus god damn egg bonus no this is a certified zedek moment wait hang on is he flanked
no he is not flanked damn it you miss with the club oh falling just short oh no now this assholes gonna
steal all of them that's why i said we should kill him no shut up i'm going to burn a hole through him
that is the one guy who's helping us yes gentlemen i cannot afford to pay this man
i need to remind everyone you managed to convince this guy with your dumb little boast that we'd be
paying him and we have now killed everyone in the we'll probably be killing everyone in the bar except
for him i'm waiting for the youtube comments have some highbrow sucker go oh my gosh another
fucking like killer party oh my god he's he's our new uh he's our new npc friend and he's he's gonna
be played by like we don't need him to be or something we don't need him to be an npc friend we had we
fucking smashed him because gravity's a bitch so he's gonna get donutted
just need him for info listen tanaja pays his union dues it's fine this guy is going to be a well
well-regarded member of the uh guys i have a philosophical question why is it that nearly every
campaign that we have after murder it's kidnapping do we have a problem we're not we're not kidnapping
please listen to the words emanating from my mouth like so much raw sewage psychological issues
uh goes gm will excuse even murder in some cases he turns
holy fuck it's a bear he runs out uh towards the door uh with move action first sees tanhauser uh will
attempt to make an athletics check to shove you aside tanhauser uh this will be opposed by your
fortitude dc so whatever your fortitude save is plus 10. can i am make a contested athletic check to
shove him back into the bear can you make a contested athletics check to shut the door
i mean i'll allow you to do that as a reaction sure yeah uh would you allow it to be acrobatics
uh it would be athletics in this case this is shoving this is not
yes i'm okay can i can i say i love your negotiating tactics speaker first of all you're like all right
would you like let it be an opposed check okay i can see that all right now can i use an entirely
different skill i see you the art of the deal
make her know that man has made no money i'm a black-eyed investor i'm here to ruin this game
like atlantic city you take you take seven mental damage just for that because i'm angry yeah well you
know what 28 on the fort save baby this game can't end soon enough
he can't push past you no no it's a bear bear in the air
will knock you down um he will fight with his final action try to stab at you but the uh the
athletics check does trigger his multiple attack penalty oh it should it's a wholesale action
it did no it does it does that's what i said okay sorry sorry i thought you said you did it my bad
no no no so so he misses you tanhauser like swinging with his blade no there's a bear
um all right that's that's brown or just wars
can't believe i have one more turn of egg bonus uh it flies out uh the the saucer that's on fire
flies out of the bar um stopping at the door to like pat itself down in the hopes that the fire won't
end its existence uh so it will spend two actions in the hopes that it will uh yeah
holy shit uh oh shit it will it will succeed luckily but it will take wait i just rolled a two
no no no it's because you do two points it's you you do two points that's your thing it's you your
your bomb does two points of persistent fire damage to it so it's but it doesn't um actually get the
thing off yet so it's kind of like um okay that's gonna be it or you are up
we're killing this guy right we're not killing him no we were we were supposed to talk to him
no we weren't we were gonna beat the shit out of him because he's a terrorist
not not a good one either i just said not a good one
there is a narrative there is a narrative in this campaign chat i swear
i'm declaring the narrative the narrative is i'm a good guy he's bad kill him
no don't don't don't turbo murder him we did come here to talk to him
objectively correct listening hey what is the rampaging bear doing jesus all right
speaker do you have the elf
i have the elf cool like they're both the elf wait which do you mean which one do you want to talk
to the most um i need to execute prance in a public and horrifying way cool i'll get the other one
so i i show out to her and i begin to maul her to death jaw attack on the on the other lady 25
good i will do a hit and i will do 10 points of damage okay
excellent for health now i'm gonna claw her
that's a natural one dang it
i need i need to point something out that's very funny because of just twitch in general
someone in chat tried to say kill the french elf but it got held up
hulkie admitted the term kill the french
the phrase that's becoming evidently tied to my being is mistakes were made
let's only koki kissinger here jesus okay we need to have a quick chat about your frankophobia
oh they're not gold they're from paris okay help where do you think the word paris site comes from
i'm convinced
it's uh it's that dipshit good get out of here get lost
oh yeah full disclosure i don't have anything against the french i don't believe you
uh okay so this one tries to this this elf lady who is clearly like trapped with a bear attempts
desperately to stab at you um oren oh my gosh ab
nope i batted it away with my little claws 20 almost this is a sad story
yeah like there's like three attempts to slash with a dagger against this bear no no no
as you're mauling into this poor elven woman a tenhauser
grabbing my friend by the shoulder and thrusting my rapier straight through his chest with a spell
strike sure grabbing your friend you mean volley oh yeah targeting
oh that was so close oh my god oh my god i missed oh that's it that's all i can do
oh no oh well you have that's two actions right yeah one more flick him in the forehead
there you go there you go just don't roll a one the regular attack yeah hit him with the flat side
there you go there you go don't you understand there's a bear and he'll stop poking me with that
signal there's a bear he's batting him with the rounded edge
i just i wish i had another action so i could close this door
that's that's my turn see you later uh you'll uh please click that recovery to see if you recover
from the bleed oh right um goodness gracious now i do not okay so you are still bleeding from the
the wound in your leg from the saucer that came up to you these things are painful they are um
uh he rushes through your square baldrick do you allow him to um i'll duck aside but yes okay uh he
rushes up draws another dagger and throws it he's really just this this this is like last blaze bully
is really trying he's inspired past you um hey rule 24 that's good damn yeah i'll hit um
and kills the one that was on fire i got it number two number two sorry he's not french but you know
he's at number two i got it the french infection spreads the children of the blaze
hey good job buddy um that's two that's two okay uh round five rua so if i saw correctly that last
sawsaurer left out the door correct yeah that there was one that ran out the door are you gonna rush
outside to see what you can find i'm using two actions to move 40 feet yes okay okay i'll move the
corpse oh here's her who's little footsteps just going yeah and you come out and you look around
and you can see it's flying like 30 feet up in the air like its head comes back i'm getting the
fuck out of here i'm going to cast anarchic barrage uh is that a one or a two action oh you're right
yeah oh it's 30 feet up in the air huh yeah
what if throw something at it throw your pick
what can i narratively declare that it was not capable of flying due to its injuries
wow wow um i don't know if you want to waste a hero point on that my dog that's a that's a thing
that's a thing um i i don't think so because it's already taken that action like it's oh that's
fair that's fair yeah but but but um as was said the pick wells narratively we've decided is a part
of you technically like is still a weapon so you could throw it as was suggested
i'll knock it out of the sky like a kid throwing rocks at a pair of tennis shoes in a telephone pole
as long as it doesn't kill it it's probably going to but yes we'll see we'll see what happens
well the pick is a part of me although i still have the light mace
throw something yeah you could throw something oh throw an apple at it see what happens
i don't think there's any apples on the ground grow one hurt
yeah i'll check on that uh how do i any particular action or just like just just make it
it just make a standard attack roll and i can make adjustments it's all good
but what if what if what if what if i didn't oh okay you're gonna hear a point and roll a natural
one again just because that's how the reality we live in now hulky
we make a world of our nightmares let's go what's the chances we could have another critical fail right
like roll that die let's go see it's a seven it's 15 15. that will miss it
it as it like continues rushing off uh that's the idea here go rahua first and i narratively declare
it shits on him
it absolutely does it absolutely just this i'm sorry does it projectile shit on me from 30 feet away
i will remember this slightly i'll roll it we're really that hits you yeah it hits you sorry doug
strike beak strike beak it's beak of poop uh okay so if you want to end your turn there rahua folly
oh that's me holy shit yeah i'm gonna uh don't attack him he's fine yeah no i'm gonna reach past him
just excuse me for a second buddy i'm gonna pick up the the gun that i dropped sure uh can i
have a reaction my reaction pass her an egg for an egg bonus no egg bonus yeah uh yeah give me
another hero points looking to claire erndel has botulism
what is this section molly you take your gun we have some battle to take care of is that an action
yes yes episode five last one without the vods episode six we kill each other
eggs nothing but eggs nothing but eggs baby all right i'm gonna move uh next to tan hauser um
just going to uh that was my second action my third action i'm just gonna reload one of the guns
and is it a free action to lean around the door and say hey you want to have a conversation
there's a freaking bear in here
the bear is a friend of ours don't worry about it
i just want to talk bro
oh yeah he might be mauling your friend there but you know it's a fucking doctor bear making stuff
money's eating my friend a lot all right oran we can chill now i think that we've made our point
you're not going to go anywhere right drop the weapons
drop the weapons yeah drop you drop the weapon the like woman like meekly drops the dagger that she
hasn't been able to hate it at all there we go right okay so we're all good right we're all feeling
good we've all calmed down we're all friends here right
the woman's crying there's a fucking bear i am not okay i'm not calm but fuck i don't want to find
a bear and he's a friend don't worry about it okay he's a good bear it's all drick it's here go bulgic
can i dip over the edge of the uh the countertop and retrieve the silver pieces and any like
laying around change because here's the thing i'm gonna pass it to this guy as a reward
yeah yeah sure you can like like scrounge up the coins that were here do i gotta roll anything no no no
all right there you go good work and thanks for the help hey stick around thanks no no no
you might want to stick around friend because we have some questions for you and your pals back
there if you don't mind oh okay can i count my money in the corner you can count it next to me
okay sits in the chair baldrick is going to take the basket of i guess it's a cheese board too looking
at it and the eggs he's gonna put it on the table this is a fancy bar they got charcuterie here
no that's just cheese oh charcuterie is meat and cheese i have a very choice word for sure so so i'm
assuming basically everyone's out of combat except for uh except for the saucer um which
not flies away it's done it's bastard just like he leaves you i will pursue okay are you going to
stop you're gonna get us into another brawl with more saucers i can't take them no you can't you have
the least help out of all of us i can fix me i'm gonna fix you when you come down here next
no no let's see what happens spay and neuter your trees yeah so true so true bestie
yeah okay uh bulky feel free to pursue i don't like that i have a better idea do we want to keep doing
this for another another we have so little time please don't change don't chase after the tiny poopy bird
all right joke's done hulky what i was gonna have you do i'm taking your token
because i was just gonna have you like turn the corner
for podcast people there's not to put like 20 fucking owls around a corner so
uh but that does not happen these owls are not real and the other one has run away okay we're out
of combat all right good job mission objective my normal pills i'm okay okay i'm okay
yeah there we go apc destroyed mission accomplished holy
okay so that was fun uh somebody pour me another glass of the strongest thing we have here
and we'll have uh he reaches across the counter and just picks up all the like woman rushes out and
starts like bartending immediately like i don't want to be in my bed oh hey growl shut the door please
i will shut the door we got a hole here but they kind of have to go through us to get to it
rants i really wish i had a hero point because i was gonna near to declare me casting tree on the
hallway let's seal it up and like no escape no escape wait i'm sorry tan i was saying something
yeah i'm just gonna very quickly stop the bleeding uh before uh pushing france in
a little bit yeah move we're going to have a conversation like into this little like private
room yes okay he like stumbles back falls on the couch so to give like a description of this private
room there's like a couch in a very tight corner of the room there's like a little like love seat and
then a um like a table with some some some various like accoutrements drinks and stuff on it
i'm to understand that you are the leader of this little organization
that would be a uh incorrect i i am just the manager of this establishment
i believe that he needs more persuasion or in there no no no you misunderstand wait wait wait i am the
manager wait wait wait please please please please be waiting just a moment
um you see you see up upstairs uh the owner is on the second floor
so you are not in fact in any way associated with the what is they called again the bully flames
what are they what's the fucking gang called jesus uh flame i don't know tanhouser what is their name
i don't remember you closed the door for the the the cackling jackass
children of the place the children of the place oh i'm being bullied
fuck you guys someone else interrogate him oh okay begins tomorrow
i love the panic in your voice i hear it so sparingly
all right never mind i am to understand that you are the leader of a local chapter
of the children of the blaze but i'm just the manager of this establishment that's all
are you really in the mood to lie to me i'm not lying the fucking our leader's upstairs
what's your leader's name monsieur a lot monsieur a lot
a lot yes he's upstairs excellent that you won't mind introducing us to him all right sounds good
all right i'll uh pile out i'll let him go ahead all right if you follow me everyone follow
and we're just going to i'm just going to get oren and vali if she'll follow or anyone else
to just kind of crowd around this guy and not give him a chance to escape
i want to keep an eye on these two that was our fire alarm briefly
what the hell no we just have really sensitive fire alarms uh so if like there's any like little
poof of smoke in here they just all start freaking out
uh so i know normally split the party is a stupid decision i really want to ensure these guys don't
run away and maybe get more friends we already have been outnumbered once i'd really rather not get
any worse yeah maybe maybe having uh baldrick and rahua down here would be a good idea yeah okay so
oren um okay okay okay so oren uh tanhauser and folly you are going up to the second floor give me
one sec because splitting party for this is always hilarious we go to the top floor and there's a
there's another encounter we were supposed to engage with oh and of course before we go up the stairs
i'm going to lean over to the bar and to take the drink that the elf lady had made and just thanks
this is how volley gets her elf g it one second oh no you don't want that that's that's upsetting
what okay she's afraid of you elf gs no she's afraid of you oh that's true
who's terrified of me okay if i did this right you'll be in a new scene
as you walk up the stairs all right so you come into a place which has various like large um
bookshelves on the wall with various like reading reading paraphernalia uh prance like leads you past
another large seat um kind of like haphazardly walking and then like he he points you to a man
who is sitting down and like the man uh you've you've actually seen before um he was the fellow
with the sort of eccentric top hat and like blackened clothing and cape and sort of like flame-based
face uh paint that you saw in the apartment um and he sort of looks up i mean monsieur lots these
people they wanted to uh to to to meet with you ha ha ha um and you see the man sitting in the in
in the seat um as like prance comes and like like basically alert waves a hand to the seat for like
prance who quickly like takes a seat beside him oh i don't see the second floor
oh uh one sec i will oh i i think i see why one second now now you should or at least you will in
a second okay
good evening mr lord hey long time no see why hello there it's a pleasure to meet you all again
i assure you the pleasure is all ours holy shit i can't believe you did that
well do not uh do do do not be like that i'm here just to talk my friends
there will be talking yes and i expect you to do quite a bit of it now well first of all i would
like to know why you are in my establishment it is no longer your establishment oh i i i believe that is
a mistaken impression you have your men are all routed or dead i believe that this place is now property
of the revolution but these things are perhaps negotiable depending on your cooperation oh you
wish to negotiate with me how how uh how amusing please please one moment prance get get out of here your
your services are no longer required you funny man sit beside me but sir but no no no no no you you
you can you can go um just get out of here
like
like comes up to the bear looks at you i i had like two claws to my eyes and i point at him
just kind of snake eyes and i let him by
i'll oblige him and take a seat
and your friends please come closer you you are uh you're most welcome to this conversation you too
my ursan friend uh i like to say out of a 30 foot radius of an aoe ability
yeah uh and he like volley as you kind of like come across he like it's easy you get close to this
door um here to like the south because there's two doors one that leads out to the west and one that
leads to the south um and so as he's sitting in this like austere couch um he sort of like raises his
hand and points to the the southern door i would not uh open that unattended it is it is quite trapped
my dear i promise i will not good good good anyways uh you were you were drollfully explaining to me
how you believe you own my property you mentioned earlier that i'd like to ask you a few questions to
negotiate i'm afraid you have my nature confused negotiations you are the most amusing of characters
please continue what i would like to do is have you high upon a pole i want people to see their
vaunted smug leader burning in the embers they seek to represent i want people to know your weakness
and understand that the era of common thugs like you are to be buried alongside the tyrants of outset
that is what i would like what we are doing now is a compromise
oh oh i see i see what exactly it is you think is going to happen he turns away from you tenhauser and
looks at valley what about you perhaps you're more sensible of your your band uh perhaps you are
willing to do some uh negotiating properly i might be willing to entreat with someone who is not so
well as tempting as it is to waltz in and uh claim the bar is ours it is nice lots of booze here but
no i'm uh i'm afraid i will have to back up our friend tanhauser but i am willing to be a bit more reasonable in our
compromise because you see there was a bit of a strange coincidence that happened to us after we met
at that abandoned house and how you know after we very politely asked the lot of you to move on
the place was essentially fire bombed and hearing about the children of the blaze and your usual emma
you see where we're going
like he raises his hand up to his mouth like a kind of that mock shock oh and you would think that
myself and my merry friends were responsible for this heinous situation
i think that's a reasonable assumption but do correct me if i'm wrong well i i will say that
as amusing as it would be to to randomly find passers-by and burn them and lose property in
the process i assure you me and my associates had nothing to do with that really really so it was
just a coinkydink that we caught you guys there well you know sometimes people just want to be in
certain places at certain times and fate he sort of twirls his finger fate just brings them all
together it's quite quite amusing i see um i would like i think i can use a feat here okay you can use
your deception to weave traps a trip of anyone trying to deceive you oh yes uh i can essentially
substitute deception for perception uh in order to try and tell if people are lying to me
yeah do you want to do you want to do that please yes i would love to what's the feat name
it's called lie to me nice yeah um i'm just gonna give them yeah give them a smile and just
oh of course you know we really didn't super expect you in the first place but we've got to cover all of
our bases after something like that happens throwing your best customer service smile
uh 24 okay with a 24 you get the impression that he is he is weaving a fine line he is not he's he's
not like outright lying but he is not telling the truth on something related to what he's speaking about
okay of course you wouldn't have known that we were coming into the that building so tell me what
the fire elemental was for then fire fire elemental who don't bullshit me oh ma'am ma'am i assure you
i was not privy to any fire elemental trust me if i could have the employ of such creatures in my
little expanded dominion here you would you would understand i would but i i do not i'm but a humble
businessman in outset then tell me what you were doing there playing cards with the elf and oh yes
literally you were playing cards but no the destruction of that place i think i'm gonna safely
assume it was your fault once again you impugn my honor madam but i will let that trespass slide
because you and your friends points to the bear uh how long does that last for by the way how long
does your like animal form last let's find out actually curious if it would be going on during all
this i know it lasts for a chunk of time but one minute okay so it'd be like ending about now okay
we we lasted a little bit longer but like as and like almost as if on cue and he says oh and your
friend that's when like the the bear appearance ends and you go back to your friend
ah i just apologize if if you got that impression but uh i assure you that is not the case he smiles
widely at you okay yeah i'm good i'm checking them again i feel like that is a straight up you uh can
both you and tan hauser actually and um and or and give me a perception check yeah uh would it be
perception or for would it would i be perception okay perception nice you're not one of the day you are
okay um volley uh not oren but volley like as you're you're having this you have the faintest whiff of
smoke on the air like as you're having this conversation like you are smelling smoke and not
just from the like the burning corpse in the lower level there's something like tangible around you
and uh what are we doing friend there's a bit of a bit of a smoky smell in the air are you trying
something funny do we need uh tanny do we need to teach him a lesson his hands kind of like move up
mockingly looking at both of you i'm doing no such things though my professor of the alchemical arts
may be continuing to brew more of my compound in the levels above i see well that might be a
problem oren can you go and get baldrick i think if anybody's going to deal with alchemists it's going
to be him all right i'll get him quickly take a step on the healing potion okay yeah you can
absolutely like take casually heal yeah uh okay so during all of that what we'll do is we will cut
back to uh the first floor one sec i'm just going to remove some back in time very slightly yeah back in
time very slightly i'll just move oren there uh not that it matters uh and then i will pull
zoran the bear back to this scene so that i think i have observer on them so i should still be able to
see him no no you should be good i'm just pulling you to the scene because i think i don't know if
you see them yeah okay you're not you're not down yet though you're not down we're gonna do what
they were doing when they were so like the the three of them go back go upstairs to have their
conversation uh baldrick you're you're with the guy counting his money and like the lady who's
like behind the bar rahua you're there too what are you doing rahua rahua is kind of
vibrating in place a little bit debating on what to do next waiting for any sort of purpose because
he's very very slighted after what happened oh after the okay okay he is thinking very long and hard
okay although it would be an excellent chance to try and recover some health
and absolutely may may i perform a medicine check
absolutely you like sit down at one of the tables and begin to like boost yourself up absolutely
oh there is the freaking spell check and then there's the like there's the clinking of coins as
the man beside you baldrick is like oh there's some good coins here i could i could eat for a couple
weeks no problems okay so that's gonna be enough uh you can roll 2d8 okay as you nature yourself up
up rahua oh okay oh that's seven nice so yeah you whoops as i damage you uh kill i'll heal you more
there we go okay perfect um and yeah so so like as you're sort of like tending to yourself this this
elf woman is here kind of like awkwardly back and forthing at the bar um this this man beside you
baldrick is like counting coins looking up yeah i could i could really uh get a lot of meals out of
this it's good it's good yeah yeah keep your counting don't bother sprinting up just lady could
you calm down just a bit there was a bear yeah and he's a druid so he's not a bear anymore just i've
never seen a bear i lived in the city my whole life so close so she's like breathing heavily to this
friggin people ain't never been to college never seen a bear in a text
baldrick is helping himself to the cheese now he is just sliding it onto some bread and fighting it
under the helmet at this point prance du shelf comes down all right uh hey everybody uh i've been let go
from the organization i uh must be departing prance how about you sit down instead he stops
my employer told me to leave the premises and your friends allowed me to to depart can i
menace him with my remaining necrotic bomb just like like like i don't know tossing the bomb in
your hand the sort of thing you can give me an intimidate check absolutely okay i need to target
this bastard do it wow yes he sucks i hate him do i get a bonus the egg bonus is no longer applicable
i know but i mean like because i'm using a weapon yeah i'll give you like a plus one circumstance sure
plus one egg bonus
uh well he's like he's clearly more afraid of his boss than you and it's like look mr lord said i was
not required and that i should leave and you do not make mr lord angry you do not want to make him angry
and like bulgic as he he says that you can tell the other two kind of like have very wide eyes like
even the man beside you stops counting the change the woman stops pacing like the like
all at the sight sound of like miss don't make mr alert angry
why is that
and like the change man beside you sort of speaks up and at this point you've like finished your
your medicine on yourself well uh mr lord's a very kind so but uh if you cross him it's uh
it's uh he doesn't forget slights very easily and he tends to uh exact tolls in overwhelming ways
that's why he keep keeps the birds around here i think he likes them kind of remind him of him a bit
well he doesn't have many more ah crap rahua
there are many birds
i just remembered something you you said that he doesn't like slights or impugning on his what his
honor or something um it is more that she doesn't like
he does not like people who uh try to fuck him over ah terrific we've sent the most undiplomatic
people up there damn it oh does this mean that we have to go resolve this at this point or and you
now come down hey i'm kind of diplomatic
i negotiate with that guy back over there kid that corpse and that corpse yeah
kid you're 18. you don't know how to diplomacy yourself out of a paper bag
oh my arm looks sad
ah anyway keep an eye on these i might need to go upstairs and check this out actually that's why
i came down asking the ask you for you to come up i don't like the sound of that crap
they got the weird guy with a hat can you keep these two from bolting i still have questions for
them when we're done here where did prunce go go out that way he points to the door what oh yeah
this door's shut oh there's another door over there why it just oh i don't know because game
bash was moving shit
you were having this conversation and he was like
did it did i see mario oh he made the mario noise
oren you guys stay here and watch these two i can go chase them down to get out and knock them down
i mean i could get them quicker just do something i don't care just watch over these two we can have
a woman stairs i uh where did the bear go she says as uh as oren goes around the corner out of her
sight oh no i change them back into a bear so they basically burst out that door and go get to shelf
or whatever and uh let me click this apply me again and there's a loud roar and crash through the
door to go catch him it's just so that's how she hears it it's so i go chase them down and when i do
like hey you come back etc okay we'll come back to all of this baldrick you're going up to the second
floor character yeah he's moving with some alacrity oh yeah very good uh
go back to here oh my god okay let me delete some tokens
zoren you turn into a shark i can turn into a shark and from like i just like the idea of like
i'm gonna turn into a bear and chase him falls on the ground as a shark
okay so oran has departed um and then brought baldrick up we'll come back to this scene in
just a moment uh zoran i should have pulled you to this scene i think you should have you yeah okay
you're good um all right so so yeah so so you'd sent oran off to get baldrick and like mr lort is
still sitting on the couch volley you have that like still smell in in in your nose the the hands for
mr alorter are very much up uh baldrick is going to approach kind of from like here i guess he's
gonna run yeah and like as as you do like this man um who you do you saw like looks over from from
the couch he's sitting on it just sort of like nods to you
mr weathers please come join us oh terrific fan of my work i always loved meeting a
follower i guess one with such an explosive reputation as yours does not go unnoticed
please join us in this little convalescence we are having do i know anything about this
guy or can i give me a society check absolutely oh society the same thing you could yeah thank you
but i say i think mine would be because he's like from around here and that's the thing you'd like
you're gonna have a way better chance that this baldrick is okay so should i get a bone up so many
of you can i'll i'll do the math i mean tano's rolled really well so oh yeah 14. okay could i give
one as well uh i'm not from here but i am a criminal so yeah no absolutely would that be
society or lore underworld uh lore underworld would be the better one for you absolutely
nope that was the three though uh okay so uh baldrick you've you've like heard of the children
of the blaze but never heard of their leader tanhauser the extent even with a 25 is you've heard
the name mr alert before like like you've heard like once in a blue moon like some some of the shadier
people in the city speak like hushed whispers of mr alert mostly because he is a um somewhat
terrifying figure in the underworld for his um like almost overwhelming retribution if you cross him
so he's known as a retributive force but he's is he does he have like a reputation for being like
an especially great personal combatant or is it just like oh you pissed him off he's going to send
anthrax to your grandma uh he's going to send flaming anthrax to your grandma and then have you like
invited over to hug her because if you don't hug her the rest of your family is going to explode
based yeah a man after my own heart so baldrick yeah he waves you over as you cross the threshold
please come join us we're having such a fine little chat here i'm gonna phrase this in a way that is
going to sound deferential but is going to hopefully give me an excuse you'll have to excuse me sir but
you look like an exceptionally potent person i'd like to keep my distance if that is all the same
i suppose a man does not wear a helmet as protective of that uh without a little bit
of common sense no that is fine i can certainly speak louder for this conversation it's fine
your friends were just attempting to intimidate me and uh make me do things that they think i will do
but i most certainly will not uh they are quite skilled uh interrogators but not quite negotiators
not that we are negotiating and you should be under any illusion that i negotiate with people like
you it's more that you've amused me enough for this little chat
i find it remarkable sir that you have elected to play cards in an apartment that was sort of
overhanging the pit and then as soon as you left villain your friends have already inquired about that
as i've said just a matter of fate one would say i was simply there to enjoy some cards and enjoy the
sights and so i did and as we've established that's at least partially a lie well as you've established
i suppose now i suppose the real question is sort of like leans in a bit that i must i must know how did
you get out of that pit well i would say that we were rather lucky and we landed on something
exceptionally soft in the form of water oh i see it a bunch of ass
put a water's ass no there were a great many things down there that we did not keep track of
exactly everything but there was one noteworthy large rotten creature we had to take care of it
in order for ourselves to get out of that mess and now we're here inquiring about why we were thrown
down there in the first place so you'll have to pardon us if we question you first sir no you've told
me quite quite a bit i appreciate it i truly do i truly do it sounds like you had quite the ordeal down
there i'm glad to see you all made it out though oh spry and vigor he does like a little mock like
boxing gesture um where is rahua and company
well it'd be really nice to have them here i don't have any means of getting them here
i would like to avoid beating on this guy because i feel like because i think beating
on people is only going to get us so far i feel like we can't actually accomplish anything through
talk and we're only succeeding in giving more information if you were to get away we haven't
really asked him anything we mostly just accused him well we've asked him stuff but he's also made
it clear that he's not interested in negotiating with us i feel like at this point he's just pumping
us for information then we can try actually asking him for some information on other crap
namely towards our supposed gargoyle person as well as maybe some information on this thing
that he clearly doesn't know anything about i wouldn't say it's clear but go on ahead
oh sir we are actually you are not our prime target if you will excuse that we simply happen to
bumble into your man prince once again the hand by the mouth oh i should be offended but i am not
i'm not i i certainly know that my establishments could have many individuals you may be interested
in yes one such being mr du shelf
yes yes of course well he's no longer in my employ i've let him go he bumbled this up quite well i see
i wouldn't blame him the error was all yours
uh quaint now um you were here for some other reason then he like doesn't even look at you
tanhauser he's now just looking at baldrick well primary problem is that we've hit a bit of a dead
end since you are of the opinion that we are not worth negotiating with
well negotiations entail that you have something i want if you are instead however looking for my
charity i am a charitable individual and certainly you may ask for things of course
in that case but you have nothing i won't i see well seeing as how you are currently out of a
tradesman such as mr du shelf perhaps we could offer you a service instead but you would like to
work for me oh impressive that is a tentative offer let's see about this charity first sir if you
don't mind me asking well if you may indulge me why are you here what is your raison d'etre to
be in my establishment so real quick just to go over with you thurston we came here to
talk to prance right there were two reasons you were coming here one was you were coming here because
you knew prance and then two was the gargoyle because uh you'd received like information from
cousin ginebrin when you were getting patched up that du hakus was like a scholar on the old powers
and might have more information about them in the temple you were in and significance therein
we are looking for a gargoyle scholar by the name of du hakus
ah yes the the fine scholarly lady who is currently up on the third floor
yeah see we have
i'm gonna roll a deception absolutely
uh let me think about what i want to say here crap we have it on good authority that mr
du shelf was planning something in regards to her life and we want to ensure that she is fine so we
were looking to have a bit of a conversation with her about it as to why yeah give me a deception on
that get a cheese bonus you do not get a cheese bonus and i rolled an 11. i'm going to stone you
he like he seems to cut through it seems rather awkward that uh you would have some reason to
speak with her about a a murder plot if you are here to speak with uh scholar du hakus well my my time
with with her is quite finished we simply gave her some lodgings up on the third level as she was
continuing her research uh since she is no longer affiliated with the university but if you wish
to take her in and provide her lodgings in your your establishment say your your fine household then
you are more than free to take her you'll just have to go through that door he points to the the door
to the south which looks at valley uh may i remind you he's quite trapped you'll want to look at it
before you do open it you'll go up to the third floor uh there you will find the alchemical lab of
dr crim uh you may have some difficult time passing through dr crim's lab uh they're quite uh
eccentric but they produce all of the necessary alchemicals for my operation but with some charm
and wit you should be able to get through that just fine um once you are done with dr crim you'll
pass over through points to the to the like his left which is to the east on the map you'll find a
passage that leads into the uh the hollowed out portion of the support pillar that dr crim uses
is a bit of a living space then you'll find a bridge to the south that will take you directly
to the harkis's quarters uh the gargoyle is a very affable individual and she should be able to
provide you with what you need to know all of this you may just go and do consider it my charity
you mentioned the door was trapped that's correct may i ask that it untrapped i apologize i do not
possess the key who does well that would be uh i suppose prince uh but his services were no longer
required and uh well here's hoping he might still be downstairs i suppose your ursine friend maybe was
uh a bit uh intimidating well i suppose i should ask do you mind if we kill him
oh mr duchel do what you will with him he was a useless tool who has long expended his uh purposes
on the subject of expending their purposes ah good he turns to you do you have even a single
compelling reason why i should not kill you he leans in so his eyes are like a fist away from yours
well i dare say you should try me
i assure you this isn't one of your bayou gambling trades i've killed greater men than you
and i've seen them bleed on the soil
baldrick ducks around the corner yeah oh please i shall even allow you the first strax sir
i really wanted someone to pop up and say hey were those guys also like level nine or something
and like at this point like i assume at this point oran uh comes back up with with prance
because you've you were going and like reacquiring prance which clearly happened we
don't have to do the specific all right mr bear i promise i'm so sorry rawr stay here
baldrick you see them come up well well we have our uh pals coming up just prompts you you hear
you hear like the steps and you hear ah and then you also hear um then you also hear um like oran roar
slightly sure you know what this guy wait hold on no no he's like he's he's he is like absolutely
just like leaning in just like you like take take it take the first hit let speaker do his
shit because what if it turns out this guy is actually just full of hot gas that would be so
fucking funny that would be that would be the npc i would make so yes i mean i'm sure this guy's
going to turn into a pit demon and kill us all but on the off chance that he doesn't wouldn't that
be great besides tanhazer doesn't know that tanhazer doesn't know that he's level three uh let's rock
come on oh my god oh my god let him roll again come on this is like his 50 it's
fucking one give him a w at some fucking point i'm giving you a gm pity hero point i am giving you
this speaker because this is bullshit that was five i'm just so demoralized i don't even want to
oh god i i feel like i think for him and i would still roll double ones on damage all right let's
take the pity point let's do something yeah don't don't roll another one because if you get a lottery
ticket you'll owe them a million dollars i want to go home oh have i got news for you roll damage
how did i oh oh is he allowing me to hit him yeah roll damage oh sure okay he said he was gonna let
you hit him oh yeah well i'll spell strike that shit um let's let's rock baby
laugh my ass off you fucking so it's gonna be 11
and uh if he has any metal on him it's persistent 1d4 damage he has no metal and when you strike him
like the the electricity arcs over his body and where your rapier goes through his chest um striking
the back of of the couch you can hear the like the tear of the leather on the back of the couch
and then like you look at the wound and see it like swirl like smoke and he looks down looks up at you
and like you you kind of see the expansion near the wound where it looks as though you've like
pierced into a cloud of gas which is now dissipating and like instead of like like his form it turns into
this dark black ash that sort of floats in the air and like moves around and volley as you're as you're
watching this you get that sense of like like kind of smoke on the air matching now what you're seeing
that that that sensation you've had that smell you've had um and it like like continues continues to
just like move through as this like smoky simulacrum begins to disappear but like he never like
loses eye contact with you after looking back up from when you stabbed him he stares at you as like
the lower body of him dissipates entirely and all that remains almost comically underneath this like
gaseous um cloud of ash is the the face and the top hat and his last words before that even that
disappears is well not too bad for lady zale's apprentice and then he disappears entirely
uh baldrick's gonna round the corner holy shit you vaporized him that's where we're gonna end
that's absolutely where we're gonna end oh no i'm gonna make it up next time it's all gonna be 20s
20s next session oh no next session we're starting with hulky down there that whole time with those
two people like you're a tree yeah he's gonna come back like he had like an entire dating simulator
happened down there and now yes got like his social link faxed with that bartender
very good very good everybody excellent session everybody well good job good job everyone
thank you and thank you chat for being here yeah thank you guys so much for watching and everything
else if you always liked what we do here website narrative declaration.com is where you can find our
stream schedule all that fun stuff please uh come watch us over on twitch and everything else and if you
like watching us here please tell a friend all that other fun stuff thank you all so very very much
for coming over and watching we appreciate you all but i want to introduce or reintroduce all of you
to the amazing players here today starting off with odoroshi hello i was odoroshi uh playing vali
the swish the swish the swish the swish the swish the swish swashbuckler uh very good session
everybody as chad is saying it was an absolute hoot um and i will see you all very soon next up we have
hulky crow that's me i'm hulky crow i played the wonderful tree who got pooped on rahua
uh you can find me at the usuals at hulky crow i mean it happened i got shot on that's true
literally you can find me at the usuals at hulky crow on twitter or on the narrative declaration
discord we hang out and have some fun stuff thank you all for a wonderful session had a great time
very very funny and next up we have arendil yeah i'm earned i've been playing the alchemist who did
who does shit and is constantly surprised at the things fouling ups around him also
odo you know you've just made a massive bungle by saying swilf right why moving on next up we have
speaker d that's right i am speaker d and you can find me on twitter at super snake kick and you can
also watch the newest audio drama for hunter the parenting on alpha abuse's beloved channel where
you can watch myself and thunder psyker make an omelette and discuss just just funny little
supernatural things in the world of darkness um this has been a very exciting session and i will get my
revenge soon
okay anyway and also our game master today thank you so much thurston hillman for such a fun uh
journey today thank you and thank you everybody chat for you uh helping out uh you can find me on all
the things at on call gm i do some uh streaming on the twitches sometimes where i'm playing through uh
critically acclaimed mmorpg final fantasy 14 heavensward expansion um that's been fun and um
uh one thing i want to call out if you did like the uh the hoot hoot saucers here they are also on
our patreon and have like a whole thing of lores so if you want to have a shit talking frogmouth
creatures in your campaign oh boy go check them out because we have a whole thing on them otherwise
that's me i love all of you and your faces yay and i have been your host zorn the bear playing or
in the stricts druid thank you all so much for watching hope you guys support us over and all
the other stuff remember we have a patreon if you want to help out the show helps pay for all the
amazing pdls we produce keep the show running get everybody some food and all the other stuff like
that help keep everything moving and with that we will now all see you next time
i'm on rock grind see you guys later goodbye
see you all next time take care
crawl in the world