Dealing with People’s Opinions of Our Food & Health Goals

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Creators and Guests

Host

Lindsay

Wife and mother of three. I have a deep passion for learning and teaching. I also really love lifting weights and fitness.

What is LiftingLindsay's More Than Fitness?

Dive into the joy of fitness with Lindsay and other guests exploring how it goes well and beyond the gym floor, the number on the scale, the size of your waist or the calories you're counting.

Lindsay: Welcome to the
Lifting Lindsay podcast.

I'm really excited to be
here with you guys today.

This is gonna be a short one.

There's been a few thoughts that
have kind of been coming to me

lately as I have found myself,
uh, in social eating situations.

But also I am putting together videos for

my Be Strong community about mindful
eating, and how to navigate social

situations where you really can't
control the foods that are presented

and, and how to healthily mind and
body navigate those kind of situations.

And so I actually talked about this in
my last video that I recorded for them.

I thought I would just kind of open the
discussion up in my, in this podcast too.

Tell me if this sounds familiar.

People may see that you're on a health
and fitness journey, and at social,

uh, situations where there's food, they
kind of pay attention to what you're

eating, or maybe they watch closely

what you're putting on your plate
and how much of it you're eating and

they're just keeping this eye on you
kind of thing or so it appears, right?

When I did one-on-one coaching,
this was probably one of my top

10 questions that I got the most.

And it was from women

who either every other week
or weekly had a family dinner.

Let's say it was the Sunday, it seemed
to always be like a Sunday type of

family dinner, and there was always
somebody in the family that made

them feel uncomfortable about food
choices for one reason or another.

I'm sure as I'm talking, some of you
are nodding your head like, yeah,

I've been in that situation before.

Or, yeah, there's that one person
in my life who always has to

make a comment about my food.

Sometimes when people bring
up questions about our food,

they're actually not judging us.

And sometimes they are judging us.

But I'm gonna challenge you on this one,
and I'm going to say it doesn't matter.

It doesn't whether they're judging
you, or whether they're just curious.

Either way, it doesn't matter.

It shouldn't take more brain space
and brain power than it is from you.

I'm a health and fitness
coach, nutritionalist.

I go to a party, like a, a church
party or a neighborhood party or a

family party, and you better believe
people are looking at my plate.

And you better believe I get
comments and I get questions.

One of the comments that I have
gotten a few times are, keep

in mind, these people are just
seeing what I'm eating at a party.

What I eat at a party is not
a good representation of what

I eat consistently day to day.

It is not.

Because when I go to a party, I can't
control the options that are given me.

I fall back on my system
of mindful eating.

I gauge my hunger.

I eat slowly.

I drink a lot of water, and I
eat until full and satisfied.

About a seven on the
hunger, fullness scale.

I eat till about a seven.

I'm satisfied.

And then I stop, and I don't
always finish what's on my plate.

So I get two comments.

I get one of people seeing what I
put on my plate and then make the

assumption or comment, oh, see, you can
just eat whatever and look like that.

Okay?

That's like watching somebody buy
a boat and say, see, they just

spend their money on everything.

You actually have no clue
how they spend their money.

You have no clue about what's
coming in, how they're managing it.

All you're doing is seeing one purchase
and you're jumping to some wild

conclusion that you know all of these
things that you actually don't know.

So I, I get those comments.

I think, I think earlier on a few years
ago, that would've brought out the sassy

Lindsay and I would've been like, well,
let me just actually explain to you, no.

What you're seeing is, and I
would probably waste my time

and breath needing to explain.

I've moved past it.

I'm like, you know, I'm a mom of three.

I'm a business owner.

I'm tired.

I, I only have so much mental
bandwidth here and I'm not gonna

waste it on this conversation.

Now.

Now if I feel, if I get the feeling
that it's genuine and that they're like.

it just kinda seems like you eat whatever,
because I've gotten a lot of different

types of comments and sometimes if I
feel a little bit more energy towards the

conversation, I may say, do you know what?

This actually isn't how I eat all
the time, but these are the options.

People have brought food, they've served.

I'm gonna be a gracious receiver.

I'm gonna take part and, um,
I'll eat until satisfied and

then I kind of stop from there.

Or I have some people who watch what,
you know, I leave on my plate and

that's what they decide to focus on.

They're like, oh, see, you
barely touched your plate.

You just peck like a bird.

Well, no wonder you're so skinny, right?

So I get all sorts of comments.

I could spend a lot of energy trying to
decipher who's judging me, who's not.

The truth is, I don't really care.

I don't really care.

I can't waste my time and mental
energy trying to justify my life.

I don't feel any need to either.

I love my life.

I have a healthy life.

I have a healthy mindset around food.

I think anybody who's listened
to me for a while knows that.

They get that feeling.

I Try to help other people establish that.

I don't need to sit here and
justify what's on my plate

or what's left on my plate.

It is what it is.

I'm not overly eating.

I'm respecting my body.

I'm eating plenty.

I choose not to take part.

But I also choose to kind of
look at people with grace.

Much how I would want them to look at me.

I can't control how they look at me,
but I can control how I view them.

And in so doing, I can actually bring
a peaceful spirit to the environment

and conversation, but beyond whatever
I may do for them, I bring peace to

myself by choosing not to get too
hung up on people judging me, people

thinking, I can just eat whatever.

Or people thinking, oh,
see, she doesn't eat.

I don't, I don't have time.

I'm just gonna share something that
happened the other day on, on Instagram.

I usually don't make comments
when somebody says something

that I disagree with.

I just move on.

I really do.

But there was this comment that
was very, it was, uh, racist.

It was, uh, just weird and uncalled
for, and, and I, I should have moved on.

And I didn't, Lindsay was not her
best self that day, and I wrote

what I actually thought was like
a really well thought out, kind,

response.

And the woman wrote me back and, and
she was like, well, what a waste of

your time and energy writing that to
me and Vada and how stupid is this?

And, and I thought to
myself, she's so right.

I wasted all of my time.

Clearly we are not each other's people.

Clearly there was not
going to be understanding.

I do, you know what, and I wanted to write
back, but I didn't want to offend her.

But I wanted, I did.

I wanted to be like, thank you.

Oh my goodness.

Thank you so much.

You are right.

I did waste my time.

I should have moved on.

I should have been better.

I told my husband that story
and we both just laughed.

He's like, because I'm like, yeah,
yeah, you were, you're right.

I'm not gonna get through to you.

And that's okay.

That's okay.

I'm going.

I, I learned my lesson again.

I feel like I'm one of those who
my lessons are always on repeat.

I learned my lesson.

I'm gonna take all that mental energy
that I put towards that, and I'm gonna

put it towards things that are better.

And I'm gonna encourage
you to do that too.

In social settings when people make
comments about what's on your plate,

what's not on your plate, whatever.

To choose not to take part,
choose not to take part.

It can be really hard when you
know you're going to somebody's

house every single week and it's
like a touch and go relationship.

It's kind of like a, a hard relationship
where maybe there's not safety

and security in that relationship.

Maybe it's a family member, your
Mother-in-Law or whatever, and

you're already kind of on edge.

So honestly, anything that that
person says in your mind is just gonna

kind of be taken and be confirmation
that, see, they're judging me, right?

Because that's kind of the
relationship, let's be honest.

So I'm gonna challenge
you on that one too.

If you have somebody, and I'm just poor
Mother-in-laws, I'm just using them as an

example because sadly it was usually the
mom or the mother-in-Law that was looking

at the food and making a lot of comments

to my clients and they're
like, how do I handle this?

Like, look it's not about you
actually, it's about them.

They are probably having a hard time with
maybe accepting and loving their body,

and maybe they kind of know that they're
not treating themselves in a healthy way.

Maybe they're not taking time to move
and eat more nutrient dense foods

than they are, and they know this.

They know this.

Then they see somebody else who comes in
and is trying to make an effort, and it's

almost like they feel threatened by it.

So it's not about you.

You don't have to change.

And you also don't have to change them,
and you also don't have to judge them.

You can actually allow them
to sit in their discomfort.

And choose not to get in it with them.

Because at the end of the day, you're
gonna disappoint somebody, right?

You either disappoint yourself because you
watch them or you hear their words, and

so you change what you are going to eat
or not eat because of what they've said,

so then you're not living with integrity

to yourself, so therefore
you disappoint yourself.

Or maybe you decide to take part in
kind of this toxic relationship, and

then you're disappointed with yourself
because you know you should not take

part and you can respect them and love
them, and allow them to feel whatever

it is that they wanna feel without you

taking part.

Without your peace being disrupted.

That's hard to get to, but it is
powerful when you're there and

when you're there, you invite other
people to kind of rise up with you.

You really do.

But if, if they say something that
threatens you, so you jump in and

feel the need to defend and you
don't actually need to take part.

You don't need to.

Because you're not going to kind of
join them or change your feelings,

or your nutrition because of them.

And guess what?

That's okay.

That is 100% okay.

Sometimes in order for us to choose our
future self, we have to disappoint a lot

of people and we're disappointing them

not because we're being rude, not
because and we're meaning to, it's

just they may feel discomfort when they
see us stepping into a powerful self.

Making choices, making commitments,
keeping them, getting healthier,

getting stronger, really feeling
a lot of confidence because we

are making and keeping commitments
and promises to ourselves.

And that's gonna disrupt some people and
their emotions and that's gonna be okay.

That's okay.

We don't need to change them.

We don't need to waste any
time thinking about that.

We just need to choose our future self.

So I've explained this before, that we
have our past self, we have our present

self, and we have our future self.

We have these three different
versions of ourselves.

Now, the past self, the only thing that
we can really do is learn from them.

The future self is who do
we really want to become?

What do we want to have?

Who do we want to be?

And the problem is when we disconnect
our present self with our future

self, we, we disconnect by making
choices today that doesn't set

our future self up for success.

That's what that disconnecting
ourselves, our present from

our future self looks like.

So either you disappoint yourself and
your future self, or you disappoint

this random person or family member
who's not so random at a social event.

You know, at the end of the
day, I don't wanna disappoint

myself at the end of the day.

I'm the last person whose voice I hear.

At the end of the day, I'm the person
who I, who I actually have to live with.

It's me.

I'm the last person I wanna disappoint.

So next time you're in a social
situation, and somebody decides to

look at your food and make a comment.

One, don't jump to the conclusion
that they're judging you.

Maybe they're genuinely curious.

Even if they are judging you, who
cares, that story doesn't serve

you, it doesn't serve them, it
doesn't serve the relationship.

A better story that's gonna
serve you is they're curious.

So you can answer their question.

Just say, I'm focusing on my health
and fitness, and I love fueling my

workouts, and so this is how I eat.

And it doesn't have to
be any further than that.

You don't have to convince them
that your goals are worthy.

If you feel like you have to convince
other people, you're probably

not bought into your own goals.

You're probably still
trying to convince yourself.

'cause when you really are secure in
your goals and in your choices, it

doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.

You don't have to convince anybody.

You can explain, oh,
this is why I'm doing it.

I'm really excited about it.

They don't need to be excited for you.

It kind, it's nice when they
are, but not everybody's going

to be, and that's actually okay.

You don't need them validating
your choices when intrinsically

you are validating yourself.

Right?

The validation comes from within.

You don't need it to come extrinsically.

That is really powerful.

So don't look at them
like they're judging you.

Choose to look at them as they're curious.

Don't feel the need to have to get them
on board with your goals, 'cause whether

they are or not, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't.

You need to be on board.

That's it.

You need to be on board
with your future self.

And then when it's somebody like
a Mother-in-Law or whatever, don't

get pulled into the emotions that
actually may not even be there.

Your mother-in-law too may just
be curious or like I said, she.

It may bring out some
of her own insecurities.

It's probably, no, it
is about her, not you.

It is, or him or whomever
it is in your family.

My mother-in-law is great.

Actually.

I don't have this, this issue.

We have a great relationship, but
I do have that with issues with

other family members doing that.

So.

Don't get pulled into the toxic cycle.

Don't get, um, don't waste your
mental energy and bandwidth.

Don't feel the need that they
need, uh, to understand your goals.

They don't.

It's totally okay.

They can be worthy and wonderful goals
without anybody understanding them.

As long as you're bought in,
that is the most important thing.

So this holiday season, as you find
yourself eating with other people a lot,

and your food choices may look similar
or may look a little bit different.

It doesn't matter guys.

It doesn't matter.

Okay?

This is about you.

This is about you and your health, and
stepping in to your power and setting

your your future self up for success.

Thank you so much for joining me
today on The Lifting Lindsay podcast.

If you have any questions,
I'm always open.

You can send me a DM on
Instagram at Lifting Lindsay.

You can also go to
BeStrong.LiftingLindsay.com to

sign up for my training app, and my
Be Strong community where we talk

about these things all the time.

We're giving each other support
on both the physical and the

mental aspects of fitness.

We would love for you to join us.

You guys have a wonderful week.