One of the most essential ingredients to success in business and life is effective communication.
Join Matt Abrahams, best-selling author and Strategic Communication lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he interviews experts to provide actionable insights that help you communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact. From handling impromptu questions to crafting compelling messages, Matt explores practical strategies for real-world communication challenges.
Whether you’re navigating a high-stakes presentation, perfecting your email tone, or speaking off the cuff, Think Fast, Talk Smart equips you with the tools, techniques, and best practices to express yourself effectively in any situation. Enhance your communication skills to elevate your career and build stronger professional relationships.
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It's celebration time, and
when I celebrate, I like to
invite the world, literally.
I'm Matt Abrahams and I teach
strategic communication at Stanford
Graduate School of Business.
Welcome to this extended live
episode of Think Fast Talk Smart.
The podcast recorded in
honor of our 200th episode.
Jenny Luna and I hosted two live events
to celebrate the show's anniversary.
Now I invite you to listen into
the highlights where I share
some thoughts on how to make your
communication engaging and focused
along with answers to questions
from our listeners around the globe.
It was especially exciting to
be joined by two premium members
live on video, so let's get to it.
Here's Jenny.
Good morning or good afternoon.
Good evening.
Welcome to this live episode
of Think Fast Talk Smart.
I'm Jenny Luna, the founding
executive producer, and we are so
excited to get into our content and
our Ask Matt Anything for today.
Thank you so much for being here.
I'd like to bring Matt on to get started.
So without further ado, please
welcome your host of Think
Fast Talk Smart, Matt Abrahams.
Good morning, Matt.
Good morning, Jenny.
Thanks so much for being here.
Can you believe it's 200 episodes?
This is amazing.
Yes.
I remember when we pushed publish on
episode 1, hoping that maybe 10 people
would listen, and now we have people
again, Argentina, France, Kentucky.
It's so exciting to
have hit this milestone.
We need to do a world tour and
go visit all of these people.
It's amazing.
There are people from all over the world.
Thank you all for tuning in today
and for listening to the podcast.
So Matt, are you ready to get started?
I think people are ready to hear
what you're gonna share today.
Absolutely.
So thank you Jenny, and let's
go ahead and get started.
Welcome to this live version of
Think Fast Talk Smart, the podcast.
And this is our 200th episode, so
let's make sure that we sit back,
relax and enjoy learning about
how to put mind over chatter.
These are lessons and best practices that
we've taken from our guests across all of
our episodes to help us be more focused.
The reality is this, many of us
are constantly being bombarded with
information, requests for our time.
We all need to focus our attention.
In fact, I believe attention is our most
precious commodity in the world today,
and we need to make sure that we engage
our audience so we get their intention.
To me, engagement is nothing
more than sustained attention.
How do we get that attention
and how do we keep it?
And in order to do that today, we're going
to talk about all the ways in which we can
help our audience to focus on our message.
Focus is critical to getting the
attention and engagement that we need.
And to do this, we're going
to cover four major concepts.
Concision, relevance,
accessibility, and precision.
And with each one of these, I'm going to
introduce what the concept is all about.
I'm gonna give you an example that I've
come to learn through our guests or
some research that I've done, and then
finally make some suggestions that you
can implement to help make sure that your
communication is focused and engaging.
So let's get started.
Concision is all about making sure that
you are tight and focused in your message.
Many of us, when we communicate, we
ramble, we say more than we need to.
Now, those of you who've been listening
to the podcast for a while know
that my mother has a really famous
saying that I try to live my life by.
Tell the time, don't build the clock.
Many of us become clock builders
when we communicate, either because
we're discovering what we want to
say as we say it, or we want to
show the world that we know so much.
We must be focused.
We need to use the fewest possible words
we can to get the information across.
In a very noisy world, being concise
is what can cut through that clutter.
We have to think about what is the
least amount of information that we can
convey to help get our point across.
Many of us, especially when we
create slides, think it's all about
how much can we put on to help the
audience, and in fact, it's more
about how much can we take away.
This is something that became very clear
to me when I interviewed Hilary Price.
Hilary is a friend, she's an undergraduate
colleague of mine and she is an
amazing comic strip author and artist.
She writes the Rhymes with Orange
comic strip and it is amazing to read
her funny and often insightful work.
Now, many of you are listening in
and aren't able to see what I'm
showing, but I'm showing a one panel
comic, and that's what Hilary does.
She has to get her entire
story across, make her point,
make us laugh, in one panel.
And what she does to help her do
that is she comes up with an initial
idea, she pairs it down to be as
simple as possible, and then she
tests it out to see if it works.
So what I'm showing on the screen that
some of you can't see is she had this
idea of, wouldn't it be funny if we turned
a snail shell into a recliner, a chair?
So she toyed with lots of ideas that
would get at the punchline, that
visual image of a snail reclining.
Snails move slowly.
Why would they need to rest and recline?
And what she ended up coming up
with after testing it with several
people is this notion of two snails
reclining in their shells, watching
a stream of other snails go by with
their briefcases on their shells.
And one of the snails reclining
turns to the other and says,
isn't retirement great?
Every time I see this comic, I get a
little bit of a chuckle and it reminds me
how important it is to start with the one
idea, pair it down, test it out to help.
And therein lies the advice.
You wanna make sure that your
messages are simple and clear.
You want to test them with others
and ultimately make sure that
your bottom line is upfront.
In the US military, they instruct
all of their communicators to BLUF.
Bottom line up front.
Make sure it's clear and it's noticeable.
If you've ever been driving down
a freeway, a motorway, and seen
a billboard, you need to be able
to look at that billboard and
understand what it says very quickly.
When the bottom line is
upfront, it can help you.
So we are concise by making sure that
our messages are clear, we are focused,
we test them, and we think about what
is the least amount of information
I can put to get my idea across.
So concision is key,
but so too is relevance.
If you've been listening to the podcast,
and I know many of you have for a long
time, you have heard frequently our guests
say, it is important to make sure your
content resonates with your audience.
It's relevant, it has
some meaning to them.
They say it in lots of different ways.
Be audience centric.
It's about them, not you.
However it comes out, it's critical
to make your information relevant.
We pay attention to things
that are important to us.
So as a communicator, you need
to make sure that your message
resonates and is made important for
your audience, which means we have
to understand who our audience is.
We have to take the time
to think about their needs.
Most of us, when we communicate,
we focus on what we want to say.
Instead, it's all about what
does the audience need to hear?
It's not about what you want,
it's about what they need.
So we have to do some
thinking about who they are.
We have to understand what's
their knowledge level.
All of us listening to this now have
been in a situation where we have had
somebody talk about something that we
either didn't know a lot about or we
knew already everything they were saying.
In either case, it's very uncomfortable.
If I already know it, I'm bored.
I'm wasting my time.
If I don't know it, I'm panicked.
I need to learn it.
So we need to target our messages to
be relevant and hit the sweet spot
of what people know, and then we
can scaffold and build from there.
We also have to think about what
are our audience's concerns,
hesitations and resistance.
We know for ourselves that when we listen
to somebody, we are constantly filtering
what they're saying through our beliefs.
We might be saying, that doesn't
make sense, or that's not feasible.
It costs too much.
So when we are communicating, we
need to think about our audience's
areas of concern and resistance.
And then finally, we need to think
about what motivates our audience.
We have known for a long, long
time in social science that if you
understand your audience's motivations
and connect what you're saying to
those motivations, they're much more
likely to listen and follow through.
So we have to take time to
think about our audience.
And then finally, we need to make
sure that we leverage emotion.
We connect through emotion.
I make something relevant for you,
salient for you by invoking emotion
that's appropriate in the moment.
One of the most fascinating conversations
I had when I was writing my book
Think Faster, Talk Smarter, is I
interviewed the gentleman who's in
charge of all Lego manual writing.
Many of us have built Legos
at some point in our life.
I to this day when I'm really stressed
out, we'll still put a Lego kit together.
It's much cheaper than therapy and
it's got just enough focus for me
to get in that flow state that we've
actually done an episode on before.
And in talking to the person in charge of
Lego manuals, and by the way, if you've
ever seen a manual, you'll remember
there are no words, it's only images.
He told me two things
that were fascinating.
First, before you can
ever write a Lego manual.
You have to spend at least a
year, sometimes a year and a half,
learning about your audience.
A Lego manual designer can tell
you the difference between what a
6-year-old can do and 8-year-old can do.
They've studied to that level of
detail and because they know the
audience so well, they can craft
manuals that really resonate and
are helpful and not distracting.
And then the other thing
that I found so interesting.
They design their manuals
to have emotion in them.
And you might be thinking, emotion?
It's just an assembly set of instructions.
If you think about it, if you've ever
built a Lego model, you know that
you could make every single page,
every single step, the same number of
pieces in the same number of moves.
But what they found is people aren't
that excited to get through building
the model if every step is the same.
So instead they build emotion.
Some of the steps they make very easy and
you can do it quickly and see the results.
Others, they have more complex moves.
They make it so it's a
little more challenging.
So as you go through building Legos,
you're having an emotional experience,
which makes it relevant and motivational.
Who knew that you could learn so much
about communication from building Legos?
So what are the take home messages here?
It's important to make something
relevant that we first do our
reconnaissance, reflection, and research.
We need to take the time to know who
our audience is, which means we might
have to ask them, take a survey, talk to
people who know them, maybe even cyber
stalk them, check out their LinkedIn
profiles, look at their company bios.
Maybe they post blogs or sub stacks.
Go check that out to give you
insight into what's important.
Another great way to make things
relevant is to connect with people
through using their names or inclusive
language, like the word "you".
When we hear our name,
we pay attention more.
Never forget growing up, whenever my
teachers would say, it's time to do math.
I would think they were
talking to me because my name
is Matt and sounds similar.
When we hear our name,
we pay more attention.
It's more relevant.
So too, when we use the word "you".
Next time you're on a virtual call,
Zoom, Team, Meet whatever, I want
you to use the word "you" more
frequently and you'll see people snap
to attention and look at the camera.
And you can do things easily, like
say, as you might be wondering, by
using specific language that calls
people out, you make it relevant.
And finally, build curiosity.
Human beings are curious.
If I get you interested and provoked
to learn more, it makes it relevant.
We want to learn.
So anything you do like asking
questions or setting up a puzzle or
taking a poll and people wanna know
the results, that builds curiosity.
So it's all about concision,
making it focused and relevant.
And then we have to think
about accessibility.
Many of us, when we communicate, we
talk about complex issues and ideas.
Some of you are technical and dealing
with technical coding, for example.
Some of you are in finance
dealing with numbers and others
are doing scientific work.
Complexity is critical in the work
that you do, in the communication
that you have, so we have to make
sure that we can make that content
accessible without oversimplifying it.
We don't want to dumb it down.
We want to make it so
people can understand it.
If we oversimplify, we actually do
ourselves an injustice because when
people think, oh, this is simple,
it's not that hard, and then they
come to realize the true complexity,
they can question your credibility.
They can get frustrated.
So we need to find ways to
make it so they understand.
And there's a big barrier in our way.
We all suffer from the curse of knowledge
and the curse of passion for anything
that we spend a lot of time talking about.
So we need to make sure that we
overcome that curse of knowledge
and that curse of passion.
The only antidote is
empathy and curiosity.
You have to be curious to
understand what does the person
know about what I'm talking about?
What could I help them learn so they
understand it at the same level I do.
So your own curiosity is critical, and
then you have to be empathetic enough
to change and adjust your communication.
Many of us just start on the path
of communicating and don't change.
We need to adjust and adapt to make
sure we make our content accessible.
And when we do so, we have to
make sure we avoid acronyms,
technical terms and jargon.
That language can distance
ourselves and make our concepts more
difficult for people to understand.
One of our guests, a friend and a
colleague at Stanford Business School,
Huggy Rao, shared on our podcast
this notion of jargon monoxide.
It suffocates your communication.
Make sure that you define
your terms and your acronyms.
That helps people understand.
I learned a lot about this when I
talked to an editor at CliffsNotes.
Now, some of you might be too young or
perhaps in places around the world where
you're not familiar with CliffsNotes.
Way before we had generative AI, if
you needed a little help understanding
something that was complex or maybe
you were a student who didn't do all
of your work, not that I'm admitting
that happened, you would refer to
CliffsNotes and they would give you
a summary of what you needed to learn
and give you detailed examples to help
you understand it at a deep level.
And what CliffsNotes did is they utilized
several techniques that all of us can use
to be more effective in our communication.
They would use things like analogies,
comparisons, if you're learning about
Romeo and Juliet, comparing it to maybe
a sporting event where you had two
adversarial teams can be really helpful.
You can diagram things out.
If you look at CliffsNotes, especially
the versions today that are online,
they have lots of diagrams to
help you understand stories and
plots and mathematical thinking.
You can backward map, start at the
end and explain how you got there.
That's a really important way to
make complex ideas more accessible.
And then finally, you can show it.
Show a video, show a
picture, draw a chart.
All of these are ways to help us make
technical concepts more accessible.
I challenge each of you to really take
a moment to reflect on the language
you use and some of the things that
you communicate and think about how
can I make them more accessible so
my audience can focus and really
get the meaning of what I'm saying.
So with concision, relevance and
accessibility, we make it pretty far on
our way to being engaging and focused.
But there's one more stop on our journey.
We have to be precise.
Precision is all about being exact.
We really have to help our audience
focus by being exact in what we're doing.
And the best way to do that
is to have a clear goal.
I believe all high stakes
communication must be goal-driven.
To me, a goal has three parts,
information, emotion, and action.
In other words, what do you
want your audience to know?
How do you want them to feel,
and what do you want them to do?
Know, feel, do.
The knowing is the information you
want to get across, tailored to
the amount of complexity as well as
what's relevant for your audience.
The feeling we've already talked
about, the ability to help people
feel draws them in, makes it relevant.
Do you want people curious or concerned?
Do you want them excited
or fear of missing out?
Do you simply want them feeling confident?
Think about that emotion.
That helps you be precise.
And then finally, in most
communication, we strive towards action.
We want people to do something.
Make sure you are clear on what that
action is, so much so that you could
measure to make sure it happened.
Helping you be precise is
to help set expectations.
Think of yourself as a tour
guide when you communicate.
Tour guides are very precise
about where they're taking you
and where they're not taking you.
That way you can focus on the journey.
You need to be the same when you
communicate, set expectations of where
you're going in your content so people
can relax and know what's coming.
Then if you've ever heard the podcast or
read anything I've written, you know, I
believe structure is really important.
Many of us in our communication, we
just ramble and itemize information.
We just list things out.
As human beings, we are
not very good with lists.
As a matter of fact, I can
only remember three things
when I go to the grocery store.
If I need to buy more than
three, I have to write it down.
We just don't remember lists.
Structure replaces lists.
Our brains are wired for structure.
Structure is just a logical
connection of ideas.
This notion of being precise was
made very clear to me when I spent
some time talking to the people who
produce and edit The Dummies books.
You might be familiar with these books.
These books cover a wide range of
topics, everything from how to code
and use technology, to how to travel
and enjoy a particular city or country.
The Dummies books are designed
very specifically to help you
precisely find your way through them.
They use what they call way finding.
When you get a Dummies book, you can
get through it in many different ways.
You can go through it from page
one to whatever the page ends.
Or you can go through it by following
a certain path that icons make, or
certain expertise levels that you have.
So there are lots of ways
to get through the material.
They precisely take you on the journey
you need to have with their material.
They don't take you through everything.
So what does this mean
for our communication?
When you communicate, make sure
you not only have a clear goal, as
we talked about, but that you have
themes that relate to that goal.
Think of it this way, if you were
ever going through a job interview,
you wanna make sure that the person
interviewing you precisely comes
away with a clear idea about who
you are and why you're a good hire.
So once you have your goal, create
themes that represent ideas and concepts
you want to get across, and make
sure that those are clearly stated.
So you, if you're interviewing,
might want to demonstrate that you're
very adept at learning new skills.
That's a theme.
And then you can support that theme so
they precisely understand exactly the
skills that you bring to the table.
Now once you have the themes defined,
you have to structure that information.
Remember, structure is a
logical connection of ideas.
My favorite structure in the entire
world is three simple questions.
What?
So what?
Now what?
The "what" is the information
you're getting across.
It could be your update, could be
your answer to a question, could be
your feedback that you're giving.
The "so what" is why is it important and
relevant to the person you're speaking to?
We talked earlier about
how important relevance is.
And then the "now what" are the precise
exact steps you want to have follow next.
Maybe it's, let's set up another
meeting, or ask me certain questions,
or let's get into some brainstorming.
What?
So what?
Now what?
is a great tool to help you be precise.
And when it comes to starting
your communication, you wanna make
sure that you start with impact.
Start like an action movie.
Many of us have a preamble or a
buildup that distracts from the
precise thing we're trying to get to.
Think about how action movies start.
With action.
Now, I'm not saying jump out
of a plane or crash a car.
I'm saying ask a question.
Tell a story.
Give a startling statistic.
Take a poll.
These are always that you can precisely
and exactly get your audience's attention
so you can introduce them to your themes
based on your goal and through your
structure make your point very clear.
So taken together, concision,
relevance, accessibility, and
precision, help us to more effectively
engage and focus our message.
All of us can benefit by having
engaging, focused communication.
And it is my hope that you take away
some of these best practices and apply
them to your communication so you can
definitely think fast and talk smart.
Jenny, I'd love to have you
join me back and let's take some
questions from our global audience.
We're gonna kick this off with a
question from our premium member,
so I'd like to invite Aaswad
Kulkarni to come ask his question.
He's from Poon, India.
Thank you so much to all
of our premium members.
So great to be joined by you.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Thanks a lot, Matt, and first of all,
congratulations to you and your entire
team for such a significant milestone.
It's great to have 200 episodes and I'm
sure there'll be 2000 more, hopefully.
Oh wow.
I hope so.
Yes.
And thanks for helping me cross
off one item of my bucket list
to be a part of a podcast.
So many a times I find myself in
a situation where time is limited.
So what are the key ingredients
for an impactful elevator pitch?
And also is there a change in the
ingredients of the recipe when the
audience, the receiver of the pitch,
might already know me versus they
don't know me, I'm new to them.
So love to hear some thoughts on that.
Yes, thank you for that question and
there's so many important points there.
So let's start with being time crunched.
I think what we've just discussed,
this notion of concision, relevance,
accessibility and precision really
are key when you're time crunched,
so we really have to be focused.
Now, if you have time to plan your
pitch, then you can really think
through what's the most essential
ways that I can get my point across.
If it's spontaneous, you get in the
elevator and you happen to be with
somebody who's curious, maybe an investor,
maybe a leader in your organization
who wants to help support you, and
you haven't planned it out again,
think to yourself, what's my goal?
What is most important and
relevant to this person?
What's the bottom line
that I wanna get across?
So even in the moment,
you can do that focusing.
So we have to get down to that focus
through the techniques we've talked about.
Certainly it matters based on who
the audience you're speaking to.
If they know you and you have some
credibility and some track record with
them, you can start in a different place.
Perhaps you remind them, you might
say, remember back in that project
we worked on a long time ago?
Well, I have an idea for a new project.
So connecting what they know about you to
where you want to go forward helps you.
You don't have to build
up that credibility.
For somebody who's new, who doesn't know
you, you might have to establish the
credibility either through your position
or through the things that you have done.
What's critical when you are
establishing your credibility, and
we've talked about this before,
is you want to show, not tell.
You don't just wanna recite what's
on your LinkedIn profile or resume.
You want to tell stories that demonstrate
your expertise rather than just itemizing.
And then finally, you ask
how do you pitch effectively?
I have a pitch structure
that I really, really like.
This structure is different than what?
So what?
Now What?
where you have to think
of those categories.
This is actually a set
of sentence starters.
You just finish these
sentences and you have a pitch.
What if you could, so that, for
example, and that's not all.
What if you could, so that, for
example, and that's not all.
If you finish those sentence
starters, you have a good pitch.
So let's say I'm trying to get
somebody to sponsor the podcast,
which is something we do try to do.
I might say, what if you could help
people all around the world improve
and hone their communication skills,
so that we hear the diverse voices
and ideas from people who have
really important things to say.
For example, imagine helping people learn
to be more persuasive and influential so
that they can get their ideas and things
that they want, and that's not all.
By teaching people these skills and
connecting through a global podcast,
you build a sense of community that
can help further people's learning.
Simply by saying, what if you could, so
that, for example, and that's not all,
you can quickly put a pitch together.
So Aaswad, thank you
so much for joining us.
Thank you also for being a premium
member and taking advantage of
the extra content that we provide.
Jenny, do we have some other questions?
So we would like Bozhena
Orekhova from Silicon Valley to
come on and ask her question.
Hi.
Hello.
Congrats on the big milestone and thanks
for having me as a premium subscriber.
Here's my question.
What's your take on the best way
to build a stronger vocabulary?
Is it lots of reading the way to go?
And are there any kind of
books or genres you recommend?
Thank you so much again for being
a premium member, for asking
a really important question.
You know, it's not just for non-native
speakers who need to learn to use more
words or improve their vocabulary.
It really is for all of us.
A couple ways to think about doing this.
One, if you wanna become a better
writer, you should read a lot.
If you wanna become a better
speaker, you should speak a lot
and watch others who speak well.
So by observing others and listening
to their language, not to copy and
mimic, but to get good ideas for
what words might be appropriate.
That said, what's most important is that
you get your meaning across, and you don't
always have to use just the perfect word.
A lot of my students, especially
those who are newer to English, in
my case, 'cause they're taking a
class in English, they feel like
they have to say it exactly right.
There is no one right way to say things.
They're better and worse ways.
So rather than fixating on just
getting the right word, focus
on getting the meaning across.
Yet it never hurts to bolster
and build your vocabulary.
I'll tell you a way that
I've built my vocabulary.
My mother loves to play the word
game Scrabble, and ever since I was
a little kid, we would play Scrabble.
Still to this day, we play Scrabble, and
in doing so, I've learned a lot of words.
So find an activity that's
fun for you, that uses words.
Maybe it's doing a crossword puzzle or
reading some kind of material you're
interested in, and use that as the
vehicle to help you learn more words.
Thank you for that question.
Yes.
We've got one from Maji who's joining from
YouTube, and I love this question because
we have some episodes that talk about it.
What's your advice for communicating
numbers, figures, percentages.
How do you craft a compelling
story around that type of content?
Yes.
We recently had Miro Kazakoff on and
earlier we had Chip Heath on, and
both of them talked very specifically
about how to leverage numbers.
It starts by understanding where your
audience is at regarding the concepts
and numbers you're talking about.
If they have a deep understanding
of the numbers, then you can
actually start at a different place
than if they don't understand it.
So it's not just about getting the
numbers across, it's about understanding
how people will relate to those numbers.
And both Chip and Miro shared with
us that it's the stories you tell
around the numbers that help people.
There's some good evidence that says,
it's hard for us to remember numbers.
What helps us is if we put it in
context, put it in a story and
context here means two things.
One is a story, so help people
understand, what does this number mean?
So if I give you a revenue
number, what does that mean?
Help me understand the deals that were
closed, the products that were released
that got us to that revenue number.
Plus you need to give context.
Help us appreciate what that
particular number represents.
I once worked with a very senior leader
of an international bank, and as part
of his presentation, he shared how much
money went through that bank every day,
and he shared an astronomical number.
My bank account will never
see a number that big.
And I said, what does that number mean?
And he did some quick math and he said,
it's roughly 25% of the world's money.
And I said, say that.
Do you see how that gives context?
You say the big number and
then you give the context, and
that helps us to understand.
So it starts by knowing your audience.
You then have to show through story what
those numbers mean, and you have to give
context so people can appreciate them.
Finally, when possible, use charts
and graphs that are appropriate and
understandable by visually representing
the information, appropriately.
You can do a lot with data representation
that can confuse people, but if you
help people see it, it makes it stick.
So thank you for that question.
Really important.
Most of us deal with data.
Thank you Matt.
And if you are interested in
more episode 49 and episode 189
tackle communicating with numbers.
Okay.
Are you ready for our next question?
I am.
Sometimes you're always put on
the back foot by a certain person
in a meeting, so how do you
communicate back in that scenario?
Sometimes people will say things that
are surprising to us, challenging to us,
unexpected, and we can be on that back
foot where we're really caught off guard.
In that moment we feel incredible
pressure to respond right
away, and we don't need to.
We can take a beat.
We can say, let me think
about that for a second.
Or we can ask a question
to get more detail.
What makes you think that, or how
did you come up with that idea?
We wanna avoid being accusatory
and escalating if this happens to
be a conflictual situation, but by
asking a follow-up question that
gives you a little bit of time to
think, to address your emotion, which
likely you'll have in that moment.
Similarly, you can do a paraphrase.
A paraphrase simply
acknowledges what you've heard.
It doesn't mean you agree,
it simply means I heard you.
And in that moment you can actually
begin formulating your response.
Paraphrasing is a lower order cognitive
skill, which is just a fancy way
of saying, we can do it, and begin
thinking about what we want to say next.
So in those moments where you're
really thrown back and you might
have strong emotion about it.
You need to give yourself just a fraction
of a second to collect your thoughts,
to take that deep breath and respond.
So again, you can ask for the time,
you can ask a follow-up question
and, or, you can paraphrase.
That can help you get back on track.
And I guess the last thing I would say
is in many situations you can always
respond later or add to your response.
We feel like we have to do it all
now and we have to do it all right.
If somebody really throws you for
a loop, you can respond and then
follow up with another conversation,
an email, et cetera later.
It doesn't all have to be done
perfectly in the moment, but I certainly
know how awkward that can feel.
I have been in those situations often.
Makes me stress just thinking about it.
Our next question is from Dolores and
she asks if you have recommendations on
improving our confidence when speaking.
Oh my, absolutely.
Dolores, thank you for asking that.
That is one of the very first
things I began studying.
Even as an undergrad, I did research and
published some work on managing anxiety.
This was something that was very
real in my life and I have committed
myself to trying to help people really
become more comfortable and confident.
If you go to FasterSmarter.io, that's
our podcast website, and go to resources,
there are a whole bunch of resources there
on many things, including English language
learning content, including how to be
more influential and negotiate better, but
there's a whole section there dedicated to
managing anxiety and becoming confident,
so definitely take time to look at that.
We have many, many episodes on the
topic as well from experts like Kelly
McGonigal, Andrew Huberman, Alia Crum.
These are world leading experts on
how to manage anxiety and how to be
more confident when you communicate.
Let me share just some really quick ideas.
Whenever it comes to managing anxiety,
and I notice I use manage, I don't
believe we can ever truly overcome
our anxiety in communication.
Those of us who study this believe
it is innate to being human.
We see it in every culture.
We see it develop around the same
time in people in every culture.
It's part of being human, but
we can learn to manage it.
And when you go to manage that anxiety
and to become more confident, and
those two are related, the more anxiety
we have, the less confident we are.
The more ways we have of dealing with our
anxiety, the more confident we can become.
You have to take a two-pronged approach.
You have to manage symptoms and sources,
symptoms of the things that we physically
display and sources of the things that
initiate and exacerbate that anxiety.
Everything from taking a nice
deep breath all the way through
rethinking your approach to being
more present oriented and connected.
Lots of resources in our podcast episodes
and lots of resources at FasterSmarter.io.
Please take the time to get better at
your confidence so that you can really
deliver your messages in a way that
resonates and you feel good about.
Thank you for that question, Dolores.
Really important.
I just wanna add, Matt, that something
that I'll never forget from the podcast
is when Kelly McGonigal, a guest and
a collaborator of yours, said, when
I feel anxious, it means that I care.
And that was always a
great reframe that I use.
It means I'm passionate, it
means I'm excited, and if I
can use that reframe, I care.
And that's why I'm feeling anxious.
I still think about that today.
Kelly is wonderful, and
that advice is great.
We can actually see our anxiety is a
sign that we are excited, that we're
focused, that this is important for us.
When I teach, when I give presentations,
when I do this talk we're doing right
now, I get nervous and that tells me
this is important and it helps me focus.
So you're absolutely right.
Alright, our next question is from
Marcine and they ask, I occasionally
deal with stakeholders who go too
far on a tangent or change topics.
How can I politely bring the
conversation back on topic?
Marcine, thank you for
bringing that question up.
Many of us struggle with this, where
we have an agenda sometimes, literally,
sometimes just in our head, and we
end up on these tangents when we bring
our agenda or ideas to other people.
I believe the most useful tool for getting
things back on track is paraphrasing.
It's a way of interrupting
somebody who speaks too long.
It's a way of redirecting people who
take things to the side or off kilter.
A paraphrase simply highlights
something that they've said.
It's not a complete repeat
of what they've said.
It's highlighting some key idea,
acknowledging it, and then pulling
it back to where you want to go.
So imagine we're having an implementation
discussion, we're bringing some kind
of product or service to the market,
and we're talking about the process
and all the things we need to put
in place in order to be successful.
And you take us on a tangent by
starting to talk about some other
company launching their product
and it really doesn't directly fit.
You might be talking about how they set
up a special marketing campaign and going
into that campaign, and I might just
interrupt with a paraphrase and say,
marketing is certainly very important.
I appreciate you bringing that up.
The next item on our agenda
talks about how we're going to
communicate this to the market.
So, it is the politest way I
know to stop a conversation's
direction and pull it back.
You acknowledge something of
value and then you link or bridge
back to what you're saying.
And you might be thinking,
gosh, Matt, that's really rude.
The reality is, if you're leading that
meeting and you let the tangent go, you're
actually being rude to everybody else.
You're taking their time in a
direction that they didn't expect.
So while perhaps being rude to one
person, even though I don't think it
is being that rude, not paraphrasing
actually is rude to the other people.
So the best way I think, to get things
on track is to use a paraphrase.
By the way, you should have
a clear agenda upfront so you
can always refer back to it.
Having an agenda anchors where the
conversation and communication is going.
If you don't have an agenda, then
going off on tangents is expected.
That's what brainstorming and
ideation meetings are all about.
They have a goal, but they
don't have a specific agenda.
You don't want all of your decision
making meetings to turn into those
kind of meetings, so thank you for
that important question Marcine.
We have time for about one more question
and then I'm gonna jump in with a
question as well, if you don't mind.
This one's a little fun.
It's from a LinkedIn user who
asks, if you could interview anyone
in the world, time is no issue.
Who would you wanna have on the podcast?
Oh, there's so many people
I'd love to interview.
I've spent a lot of my time
thinking about spontaneous speaking.
If I could interview one person,
I would love to interview
Robin Williams, the comedian.
He was just so amazing in his ability
to think fast and talk smart, and
do so in a way that was topical,
timely, and incredibly funny.
When I was a teenager, I had the
good fortune to see him perform live.
I am not kidding you.
My stomach hurt for two days
afterwards, and I think I
only got a third of the jokes.
And I'm convinced that much of what
he did was just in the moment, he
just responded to what was going on.
So I would be fascinated to learn his
thoughts and process to really understand.
Okay, Matt, I wanna know what
you're most excited about.
What's coming up for Think
Fast Talk Smart and for you.
Thank you.
And Jenny, you and the team behind
the podcast have been so incredibly
important in getting us to where we are.
And I think we're all excited
about expanding our community.
The community of Think
Fasts Talk Smart is global.
People will get together like book clubs
around episodes and talk about episodes.
I know places around the world where
people come together and practice their
communication with each other, and they
simply met through Think Fast Talk Smart.
So I really want to help expand the
community and give people opportunities.
We're exploring new and different
ways of bringing content to people.
Our latest episodes, we did a
miniseries on spontaneous speaking.
The first episode dropped today.
It's a different approach.
It's not just an interview format, so
I'm curious to see how people respond.
And ultimately we're trying to extend
and expand our premium offering
to really give people the in-depth
tools that they're interested in.
So I see only bright future ahead.
I love this community.
I love learning and helping others to
learn, and I look forward to the input
and feedback from everybody who takes
advantage of Think Fast, Talk Smart.
And from the bottom of my heart, I
am deeply grateful, to not only the
people that help bring the show to all
of you, but to all of you who listen.
Great.
Matt, this has been such a
fun Ask Me Anything episode.
I love getting to watch
you do what you do live.
Thank you, Jenny, and thank you for
being a critical part of all of this.
I encourage everybody to share, think
fast broadly with their friends,
their family, their coworkers.
We'd love to hear from you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for joining us for this
special 200th Think Fast Talk Smart,
the podcast episode recorded live as
part of an AMA, Ask Matt Anything.
To hear another live episode with listener
questions please listen in to episodes 78.
This episode was produced by
Katherine Reed, Ryan Campos,
Aech Ashe, and me, Matt Abrahams.
Our music is from Floyd Wonder.
With thanks to Podium Podcast Company.
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