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Welcome to The Foster Friendly Podcast. We’re bringing foster care closer to home by sharing stories from the front lines. We're talking with former foster youth, foster parents and others who are finding unique and powerful ways to dramatically improve the experiences and outcomes for kids in foster care.
The Foster Friendly podcast is brought to you by America’s Kids Belong, a nonprofit that helps kids in foster care find belonging in both family and community.
Courtney (00:01.697)
Hello and welcome to the Foster Friendly Podcast. I am Courtney joined by my co -host Travis. And today we're going to hear from the story of a former foster youth, Darius Cavavehi. He's going to share his experiences and events that changed his life in the darkest of times. We'll also talk with him about his insights on being in foster care and what kids in foster care need most. Darius is an entrepreneur and real estate investor residing in Virginia.
He's formerly from Hawaii and graduated from Purdue with a degree in mechanical engineering and was commissioned in the US Navy for eight years. He is passionate about helping others who in foster care find healing and wholeness and to never give up on their dreams and has started a Facebook support group called Formerly Fostered, Forever Loved. He is also a brand new board member of America's Kids Belong. Welcome to the podcast Darius.
Dairius Kawewehi (00:56.782)
Thank you for having me.
Travis (00:58.849)
It's great to have you. So tell us anything more about yourself personally, your family. We know you have a strong Hawaiian heritage, a lot of pride for Hawaii there. So bring us into that world.
Courtney (01:00.353)
That is...
Dairius Kawewehi (01:12.398)
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So as mentioned, I'm born and raised in Hawaii and the family that I was eventually adopted into, my dad is a native Hawaiian and also just being in Hawaii itself, you know, I'm surrounded by that culture. You know, you spend years through elementary school, middle school and high school taking what we call Hawaiian classes. So you're formally taught, you know, the culture and history of Hawaii.
and then it just comes up, you know, in your day -to -day life. I mean, a lot of the street signs are in Hawaiian. A lot of words that grow up are in Hawaiian. and then a lot of the, the traditions and practices in terms of holidays that we celebrate or just, you know, other non -traditional events, are influenced by the Hawaiian culture. so just kind of perpetuated throughout. I do have a few siblings that I'm adopted with that are also, of native Hawaiian descent.
But I think just generally growing up there, it's just a huge melting pot of various cultures from all around the world.
Travis (02:13.057)
Very cool. I was shocked to learn that I think Hawaiians purchase 7 million cans of spam annually. The spam connection is strong there. That's a random Hawaiian thing.
Dairius Kawewehi (02:23.886)
The spam is really strong. I mean, if you think like eggs and bacon is like, you know, staple in certain parts of North America. I mean, we have our equivalent is spam, eggs and rice. We even have that at McDonald's. I mean, it's just like really embedded in our culture out there. We have a dish called spam musubi, which musubi is another word in Japanese for like a rice ball or onigiri.
Travis (02:37.409)
Wow.
Dairius Kawewehi (02:52.142)
And so we have rice with the seaweed and then you put spam. That's a whole dish. So yeah, spam is in our food traditions at home.
Courtney (03:05.633)
That cracks me up. Yeah. Yeah. I've never had spam. I don't think ever in my life. Never. No.
Travis (03:05.953)
That is, I love it. Yeah. I mean, we might need that recipe after this.
Dairius Kawewehi (03:10.734)
Very simple.
Travis (03:12.929)
You've never had spam?
Dairius Kawewehi (03:14.734)
I don't recommend eating it straight from the can. Like we all just like, you know, pan fry, cut it thin, pan fry it. Then when we cook it into dishes, you know, a little bit of soy sauce, you know, maybe some teriyaki sauce.
Travis (03:26.785)
Okay. So that's, well, but here's the funny thing. I mean, the, the spam museum is in Minnesota, which I've been to. So, I mean, it's like, the things we're learning on this podcast.
Courtney (03:26.977)
Maybe in Hawaii, gotta go to Hawaii I guess.
Dairius Kawewehi (03:28.878)
Yeah, I think you gotta go to Hawaii.
Courtney (03:39.649)
Yes.
Dairius Kawewehi (03:40.59)
Yeah. I mean, it became popular because of, you know, World War II is kind of where it got massively distributed and it just became so popular in Hawaii ever since then. And now it's just continued to, to hit the shelves. Yeah. I mean, when we have like a disaster warning, right? You know, threat of a hurricane or tsunami, you go to Costco and the shelves are empty of all the spam, right? You know, cause they tell you to grab non -perishable items, right? The canned food and
Travis (03:44.673)
That's right.
Travis (03:53.729)
to hit the shelves.
Dairius Kawewehi (04:09.454)
Well, spam is a very popular item right up there with toilet paper, so...
Travis (04:12.513)
Well...
Courtney (04:14.401)
Yeah, like try the paper and COVID, yeah.
Travis (04:17.026)
Well there's some spam trivia.
Courtney (04:19.457)
That is great. How often do you get to go back to Hawaii? Do you go back frequently or?
Dairius Kawewehi (04:21.774)
Yeah, fun facts.
so ever since getting stationed here in North Virginia back in end of 2021, I have fortunately been back every single year, at least once, 2022. I went back for, my formal wedding celebration, I guess the public ceremony. so I went back in 2022 once in 2023, I went twice for two different friends, weddings, one friend from high school. Actually from middle school. I've known him for a long time. And then.
Another friend that's from here in Northern Virginia, but he and his now wife met in Hawaii back in 2020. and then I did go back. Technically once this year on an, on a very extended trip, I did a two month trip in Japan, but prior to that, I was in Hawaii for about a week. And then we got to Japan, came back to Hawaii for about 36 hours and came back here. That was kind of my leaving the military trip.
you know, sort of celebrating that phase of my life. So luckily, I've been very lucky and fortunate that I've gone back every year since 10 to 21.
Courtney (05:33.921)
That's great. Yeah, good for you to be able to do that.
Travis (05:39.297)
Very cool. All right. So before we get into more of your story and journey of foster care and then eventually adoption, you had a video that went viral back when you were in high school. This is another kind of a random Darius thing. Tell us about that story.
Dairius Kawewehi (05:56.11)
Yeah, this, this definitely brings back a lot of memories. I mean, this happened a very, very long time ago. there, my, my freshman year of high school, it was in my English class. my teacher, she, you know, had an assignment for the class where you're going to write a thank you letter to anyone you want, right? It could be anyone in your personal life, right? It could be, you know, family member, mom, dad, sibling could be, you know, a teacher, coach, whoever it may be. It could be outside of your family life as well. I mean, if it could be like,
a historical person or a sports icon. but essentially the assignment was to write a thank you letter to someone that's affected your life. and you don't necessarily have to give it to that person, right? You just come from the heart. it was just an assignment that she has annually, each, each year she has a freshman class. And so I was given this, this assignment, I kind of looked at it for a while and I was like, well, who in my life would I write this letter to? Right. And there's like a flood of people I could probably think of.
but I ended up choosing to write my thank you letter for my mom that adopted me. And on, on the backside of this, I didn't really know that my teacher submits, students letters, you know, for a statewide competition, right? So there's a, there's a competition at home called thank you. thank you letter competition by Lex Brody's. I'd have to see if it's still going on, but it was going on for a number of years.
And, you know, I had written my letter. I heard about the competition, but I told her, I was like, this is a very personal letter, right? Like I'm writing it to my mom. So I'd rather just to kind of stay in -house and whatnot. So my teacher, she talks to my mom because in her eyes she's like, well, it's his mom's thank you letter. So she gets permission from my mom to submit the letter for this competition. And several weeks later, we ended up finding the results of the
the competition and it turned out that our high school, cause this is a competition like all the high schools in Hawaii, had two winners. One was the, the state winner. And then one was like a fault and like a runner up. And so there's like some commotion going on outside the classroom. All of a sudden, like the local TV news station is kind of marching on into the classroom. So all of us are kind of, you know,
Dairius Kawewehi (08:22.734)
Confused it's like what's going on right now and then at some point one of my friends say hey your mom's outside of the classroom talking about and then that's where they announced, you know, they're live on TV that I was the state winner for this thank you letter competition and then I have to read it live on camera with my mom there in front of my entire freshman class, right? This is like the first semester of my freshman year. So like what a welcome to high school there.
Courtney (08:41.409)
Honest.
Travis (08:41.697)
Travis (08:45.281)
Dairius Kawewehi (08:52.75)
didn't get to live that down for the rest of high school. But yeah, that was a story that a friend of mine films the recording on his TV when it aired and then uploaded it onto YouTube. So it kind of went viral among my high school and the rest of Hawaii for a little bit there. But yeah, that's my thank you letter story. It was a very personal letter too. I mean, I was crying and everything. Like it was like for me at the time.
Travis (08:55.425)
Wow.
Courtney (09:14.977)
Yeah, I gotta look it up now.
Travis (09:17.569)
That's right! You were just set up to...
Dairius Kawewehi (09:21.518)
Super embarrassed because it was totally unexpected caught off guard But I think my mom was very appreciative of it Funny funny thing. She actually helped me edit it. She was like my My my grammar like I could always bounce ideas off her I would like write, you know things out and then I would get her to like, you know Do a back check on my edits and you know, I'd update it so what not So she's already seen versions of the letter, but I've never read it to her
Travis (09:24.609)
Ahem.
Dairius Kawewehi (09:51.374)
So that was an interesting experience. And then after that TV series, they wanted me to at the award show read it live on radio. So I had to like make sure I kept my composure and could read it all the way through without choking up. So yeah, that was an interesting experience.
Travis (09:53.889)
What a moment.
Travis (10:03.937)
my gosh. Wow. Did you at least get some spam out of the deal too? Like any, was there some sort of like, the award?
Courtney (10:11.681)
Is that their reward?
Dairius Kawewehi (10:12.014)
They gave me a free luncheon at the awards ceremony. So I guess, you know, as a high school student, you know, that's consolation there, I guess.
Travis (10:24.257)
Right. Yeah. man.
Courtney (10:30.209)
Well, shifting a little bit here, take us into your journey of entering foster care and tell us about your experiences just being in care and what that was like for you.
Dairius Kawewehi (10:32.334)
You
Travis (10:34.529)
Yeah.
Dairius Kawewehi (10:42.606)
Yeah, absolutely. So I'll kind of, give a high level pervy and then just feel free to ask some guiding questions. but essentially, so I entered foster care when I was four years old. and I, you know, at the time I lived with my, my birth parents, I have an older brother, we were like a year apart. And for, you know, many different reasons, CPS, you know, took me into care.
Travis (10:47.969)
Mm -hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (11:11.758)
it was a, it was a huge shock for me. I mean, I was so young, I didn't really understand what was going on. I just remember that, when my parents would go to work, they would drop me and my brother off at like a daycare facility. and one of these, these time periods, there was, people that were there talking with the staff and they ended up, saying that I need to go with them. And, you know, that was, that was kind of the discussion. I didn't fully understand what was going on. I mean, I could tell that something,
was definitely wrong, right? Cause my normal cadence of the day is changing. so I just remember that first day, essentially this being a huge swirl of like confusion or a chaos, you know, being, being, being scared, feeling alone, because I was also being taken away from my brother, right? My older brother. and so I just had no idea what was going on. So I just like my theme of the day was uncertainty. so they ended up taking me, taking me away in their car.
Travis (12:06.689)
you
Dairius Kawewehi (12:10.478)
When we get to a medical facility and they're doing all these tests, I mean, it felt like I was kind of a librarian, just getting examined. They're questioning me, doing a bunch of tests, taking a lot of notes. I met with a therapist and they were going through their examination. I mean, it just felt like pretty torturous with no one really explaining anything. I mean, I guess they could explain as much as they could to a four -year -old.
Travis (12:17.025)
Hmm.
Travis (12:32.801)
Mmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (12:39.63)
And after that, I remember, you know, this was probably several hours later. but they told me I was going to go temporarily to, you know, to stay with a family. and I didn't really know what that meant. I don't think this is a normal situation. cause I was like at the time, right. I think, I think we kind of revert to saying like, we want to go home, but like deep down, I know that's not the right, right answer. Right. but I just remember.
Travis (12:39.681)
Hmm.
Travis (13:02.497)
Mm -hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (13:08.526)
having that feeling of like, you know, I don't know where I am. No, I want to go back to my home. But then they ended up taking me to this family's house. They took me in, shown where I'm going to be sleeping and whatnot. And so like just that whole day was just like a swirl of emotions, you know, uncertainty, not really knowing what's going to happen next or what is the next day going to look like. Am I going to wake up and, you know, this was all a dream or just...
I just thought I was kind of indescribable, honestly. And so after that first day, fast forward a few years, I had to go through multiple years of therapy, multiple years of meeting with lawyers and caseworkers and sessions with my birth mother because a lot of the prosecution was going on against my birth father. And I ended up having to testify in court in front of a live jury against my birth father. That was...
Travis (13:39.745)
Mmm.
Travis (14:07.137)
Mm -hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (14:07.214)
That's probably like, if I could think of like some of the most traumatic things in my life aside from what got me into plastic, it was like that court case. Because it wasn't just the court case, but it was like the years leading up to it, right? I mean, I'm telling you that I was going through therapy sessions at least two to three times a week court sessions, you know, like every week for about two years, still going to school somehow. And so just, just kind of that leading up to that culminating event.
Travis (14:13.601)
Wow.
Travis (14:29.537)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (14:35.438)
And then, you know, once like the verdict happened, like there was just like a big wave of relief that, you know, maybe from here on, right, could be the next steps towards healing and having like a certainty in my future, you know, possibly dealing with like everything that's facing internally. And up until this point, I don't think I really faced like head on with, you know, what happened in my life. I mean, I had to say it over and over and like describe things to the caseworkers.
And to the judge and my therapist and whatnot. but I don't think I at that time had dealt with it like internally. and so over the next few years, I've, I've moved to, you know, many different foster homes for, for various reasons. ended up moving to about six homes and five elementary schools within between the age of four and 13. and I ended up.
Travis (15:13.153)
Mmm.
Travis (15:22.913)
Hmm.
Travis (15:32.289)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (15:33.806)
getting adopted when I was in middle school, actually, about a year and a half before that story that I told earlier in high school. And through that time period, I remember just feeling like when I'm going from, especially after the first two moves, you kind of get this feeling of like, you know, am I safe in where I'm gonna be? You know, am I gonna have...
the ability to kind of like pause in life and kind of deal with like what's going on or to have to constantly be on edge of like, when am I moving next? Right? Like, you know, I have to go through this whole process again in school, being a new kid and learning this new environment and not being the new kid in school. Like I think for a lot of people, like, especially like, you know, after I've been in the military and met other veterans, you know, children.
Travis (16:13.441)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (16:29.71)
of those families, like how to deal with like moving over a few years. But in this case, it's a different experience where you're like, yes, you have a new kid in your school in your neighborhood, but also new kid in a family, right? Like people I don't even know. Like there's no like sense of stability around me. and so just kind of growing through that, I felt like I had to grow up very quickly and become very independent. look after myself and, and, you know,
Travis (16:53.205)
Mm -hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (16:59.086)
advocate for myself and my needs and get to a standpoint where one of the therapists that I ended up becoming very, very close with, I was able to learn to confide in him and really open up and kind of deal with a lot of what was going on with me emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically. I mean, there's some circumstances that I faced when I was in elementary school that
you know, caused me to kind of want to give up at times. And so just kind of working through that, and just learning how to not realize that, you know, I, I shouldn't be blaming myself for what happened, but essentially realizing that, you know, the, the past happened, right. certain things happened to me that I couldn't really control and learning where I could focus,
Travis (17:32.96)
Mm -hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (17:58.286)
my time, my emotional energy to kind of heal and focus on my own future and kind of define that for myself and realize that despite where I came from, I can still create the future that I envision. So that's, I would say like one of the biggest lessons I have to learn as a kid growing up through the fall script system.
Travis (18:10.177)
Hmm.
Travis (18:19.041)
Thank you.
Travis (18:26.273)
Well, thanks for sharing that and taking some somewhat inside of your story and being vulnerable there. What struck me of just hearing some of that as you described the uncertainty and swirling around and just all of these things like, and then also at what point in your story did you feel like you could actually even start to think about the future? Would that have been into high school to where it just.
You were just always dealing with just what was in front of you and what might happen next. I mean, future thinking seems like a healing moment. You know, a new chapter, I mean, was that much just later into your life to even really think about the future?
Dairius Kawewehi (19:09.486)
No, that's definitely a great question. I would say I felt like I could have like the actual sigh of relief and kind of step back and reflect on, you know, where I've been in my life and kind of, you know, where I want to steer it. And that happened essentially when I knew I was going to be adopted. This, the way it happened was kind of convoluted. So essentially the second foster home I was in ended up after several moves and coming back to it.
became my last home when I was in middle school. And so once I knew because I like this became a standpoint when I had gone down a very, very dark path where I was like, you know, kind of giving up on life and, you know, getting to a standpoint where, you know, I wanted to turn it around and make a change. There was a time period where I, you know, I had a
I had attempted to take my own life and the reason I stopped myself, I actually thought of my older brother, right? And the last time I saw him was when I moved into the foster care system. So, you know, at this point it would have been over.
Let's see, probably.
Dairius Kawewehi (20:26.894)
I'm sixth grade, so probably almost seven years at that point. And I just thought of him because I didn't mention it before, but my brother was born paralyzed from birth. So he could never speak. He was fed through a tube. So he never really had the same experiences in life that I did in terms of just being able to walk and talk and speak your mind and your emotions and eat.
Courtney (20:32.705)
Amen.
Travis (20:42.593)
Hmm.
Travis (20:51.073)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (20:54.542)
And so, you know, our life experiences were completely different. And so here I was about to give up on my life, despite everything that happened to me. and, and I just, I just felt like it was such a, a waste of a gift of life, right? Like for these simple things that I took for granted that my brother could never do. so that stopped me. and like, I never want to get to that, that point again in my life. And I had no idea his condition at this point in time.
Travis (21:10.625)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (21:23.918)
never updated. And so when I had that thought and the circumstance on where I was at in that particular foster home, I was like, all right, something needs to change. So I talked with my therapist and I was like, you know, I am, I'm feeling way worse than I was in previous homes. I want to go back to this particular home, my second one that I felt like safe and I felt comfortable. I had a really good relationship with the other siblings that I met there.
Travis (21:24.865)
Mmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (21:50.734)
good friends I made in school. I was doing well in school. I actually really liked learning. That was actually one of my escapes, I feel, if you will, from my current situation. I really loved learning. You know, I liked my teachers and so he found a way to kind of bring me back to what he called like my home. And it was that standpoint where I felt like, all right, I'm on this path where I'm going to be part of a family that truly accepted me for who I was that felt
Travis (22:01.217)
Hmm.
Travis (22:09.665)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (22:20.238)
I felt like I was truly a part of their family, right? Like this is not just a monetary transaction, right? This is not just them, you know, trying to be the savior of the kids or anything. But I truly felt like when I was in their family, that year and a half or so, you know, she was like, no matter what we needed, she was there for us. And so once...
Travis (22:27.713)
Mm -hmm.
Travis (22:44.993)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (22:47.534)
Once I was able to get transitioned back into that home and then we were going down this path of adoption and what that would look like. that's where I felt like I could kind of break down my walls and my barriers and then have a little bit deeper connection with my, my therapist and kind of work through a lot of the challenges I was facing. so I'd say the healing really began after adoption and then, you know, through the rest of middle school and my first couple years of high school.
Travis (23:07.457)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (23:16.654)
Like I don't, I don't think I ever had the thought as a kid of like, you know, one day, you know, go to college or one day, you know, become, become a real estate investor, right? A business owner, serving my country. so I think having that, that plethora of opportunities when I was in high school, like it was truly uplifting. It's truly empowering to feel like I could, could really make a difference in life.
Travis (23:30.049)
Mm -hmm.
Hmm.
Travis (23:41.025)
Hmm. Hmm.
Courtney (23:48.225)
Yeah, I love that. I've heard you say and just said it again, that adoption journey, it's not the end all be all itself, but it's more where the journey of healing begins. And I think that's just it. Those kids like you needed to feel and truly believe that they belong in a family, in a home. And that's when that healing can begin. I just recently watched the movie, Sound of Hope. And that movie as well, you just see that journey, would she really...
Travis (24:04.161)
Hmm.
Courtney (24:16.577)
girl, young girl in the story, when she feels that, like, I really belong here. It's when those barriers are removed and those chains are in a sense broken and they can start to heal in a family. It's like you just described.
Travis (24:26.305)
Mmm.
Yeah.
Dairius Kawewehi (24:29.998)
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, at the time, I don't think I had like this sort of existential thought, you know, reflection on my life, but like, you know, as, as I've kind of gotten older and had experience, you know, and life, not having to kind of worry about like, you know, what my day to day situation looked like. I mean, I think I've had this thought more and more of like, what was that pivotal, pivotal point in my life? And, you know, just thinking back, I mean, it truly was when
when I felt that sense of belonging and that sense of comfort and really just that eternal love. I mean, truly having a family that wants the best for you and you can feel that they mean what they're saying.
Travis (25:06.561)
Hmm.
Travis (25:13.505)
Hmm. So in another past interview where you and I talked about your story, I remember you bringing up a really fascinating and profound insight around part of your journey of healing was also how big the community around you played a role. Like I think you talked about teachers, certain people, and I thought that's a really powerful thing to unpack a little bit because that's an understated part of this for the kids that are in foster care that
You know, of course it's equipping foster families and we want them to do well and to be a safe and a, but that aspect of the greater community and how they play a role. Can you talk a little bit about that and then your story as it pertains to that?
Dairius Kawewehi (25:57.198)
Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, aside from my, my, my mom, I really leaned on her a lot, growing up. but aside from her support, of course, I mentioned my therapist when I think back, I mean, I've just talked to him late last year, you know, for the, over the holidays. And I realized like, I've known him for over 20 years at this point. He's been such a pivotal part of my journey. I mean, I truly look up to him as like a mentor in life. I mean, even after our sessions ended.
I mean, he was there for me to kind of find my path towards, you know, college where I thought, you know, I wasn't going to give myself that chance. I was going to go show it to the military, but he kind of was an advocate for me and, you know, finding different paths and opportunities for me to go to college and to serve in the military. Cause that was something I was passionate about. he was there for me when I would come home from college, you know, for, for breaks and we would.
He would just take me out to dinner and we would catch up. I mean, he just, he kept up with me in life and he was there at my wedding a couple of years ago. And so just, just, he was that kind of person for our family for, you know, for the entire time that my, my family has known him. my mom and my other siblings have collectively known him for over 30 years. and so, you know, outside of my therapist, and his support, I surrounded myself, in sports. I did.
Travis (27:14.049)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (27:23.022)
basketball when I was in middle school and my first year in high school, at a local community park and, you know, our high school coach, had known our family for a while, or not our high school coach, our basketball coach had known our family for a while. He didn't know the specifics, but he knew, you know, we had gone through some challenges and, you know, he would offer us, you know, rides and he would offer us, you know, just different ways to kind of show his support. so.
You know, just sports was another avenue for us to really express ourselves and kind of have something different than, you know, the challenges we were facing. in high school, I ended up doing cross country and a long distance track. And that was just another outlet for me. And, you know, again, my coaches were very supportive. that teacher I mentioned in my freshman year, my English teacher, I mean, she, you know, for the rest of high school, and even now, like after, after college, and just kind of going through my journey.
maybe had always been such an advocate for all of her students, but especially when she got to know me, I just always felt like she was someone I could go to and talk to about anything. And, you know, even though I kind of joke about the fact that she took the letter to my mom, I mean, you know, I think that really just sparked a great relationship with her. So sometimes when I go back to Hawaii, we'll link up and
Travis (28:32.065)
Mm.
Travis (28:38.593)
Ha.
Dairius Kawewehi (28:47.662)
She'll have me talk to her freshman class because she remains the freshman teacher for English, honors English. And she is always excited to have me back and talk to her students about my journey through high school and touch on pieces of kind of where I came from in my past because she feels that the story and the journey I've been could impact her students and kind of inspire them as they kind of step into their own paths in high school.
Travis (29:12.993)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (29:17.038)
I kind of look towards their future. And so for me, that's, you know, I'm so humbled to be able to have that support from, from my teachers, not, not only her, but other teachers I got close to in high school. I mean, you know, when I think back to some other, you know, people I've met throughout high school, I mean, I felt blessed that I had such a close relationship with my teachers. I mean, I don't think that was the experience for everyone.
Travis (29:28.449)
Hmm.
Travis (29:44.097)
huh.
Dairius Kawewehi (29:45.134)
But I think it was just such an invaluable support that we had. Our teachers truly advocated for us just outside of class. I would see them working crazy hours until 7, 8, 9, 10 o 'clock at night just helping us with different activities. If we need to have extra study time, they were always in our corner for anything we needed. Not even education related, but for a start with something in life.
I mean, our teaching were there for us. So I was, I was truly blessed. and then one of my other, advocates that I don't think I would have gotten to, where I have been able to accomplish within, you know, college and, and, you know, serving in the military was my career college counselor who truly pushed me to, take the leap of faith and just apply myself. Like I said, I was like, my, my goal, my sophomore year was like, all right, I'll just.
Travis (30:17.953)
Hmm.
Travis (30:32.129)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (30:43.086)
enlist in the Marine Corps, I'll serve a few years and, you know, at some point in my life, I'll go back and, you know, get a degree in something. Originally, I wanted to be studying psychology so I could also become a therapist like my therapist was to me. So that was kind of my initial initial motivations. And one of the reasons I wanted to join the military was because there are so many of these people in my life, right, like my support group that served me.
Travis (30:58.241)
Hmm.
Travis (31:09.121)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (31:11.47)
for the time that I needed, I felt that I could serve in the military and serve my country specifically dedicated to those people that helped me in life. But when I talked to my current college counselor, she was like, it's very admirable that you want to do that. But I think there's a lot of potential that I see in you and the others see in you that I feel like you could really apply yourself and you have this opportunity to be able to go to college.
just because of what you're able to do in the classroom and be able to also serve your country. She's the one that introduced me to the Navy RTC scholarship. So if it wasn't for her kind of pushing me towards the path that she knew I wanted to be on, I don't think I would have taken that label faith. So I was definitely grateful. I mean, she made me work for it. I mean, I was doing a lot of the college essays during my summer break before my junior year.
Travis (31:49.505)
Hmm.
Travis (31:56.417)
Wow.
Travis (32:00.449)
haha
Courtney (32:01.089)
you
Travis (32:06.497)
huh.
Dairius Kawewehi (32:06.926)
But I ended up finishing all those essays and college applications. And I was pretty much applied for all my colleges by the end of my junior year. So by senior year, that first semester, I was just waiting for the acceptance letters or rejections, right? And then waiting for the news on the scholarships and whatnot that she had me apply to. So it was incredibly stressful for me in senior year. And that's just because of that push that she had for me and others, others of my friends that
Travis (32:20.385)
Hmm. You're right.
Dairius Kawewehi (32:36.43)
and also sought her counsel and her support.
Travis (32:40.513)
That's amazing.
Courtney (32:41.793)
is the power of relationships and just that reminder, you know, how much our relationships matter. We really pour into people and I love that. I mean, you often think of, you know, as a foster parent, we experience the good and the bad sometimes. You know, we have therapists where I feel like they're just there to do the job and they're probably overwhelmed and, you know, it's probably a very rough job. But then we have the few, like you're kind of explaining that just really take it beyond the job, right? And pour into those kids and
Travis (32:45.921)
Hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
Travis (33:01.665)
Mm -hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (33:09.422)
Yeah.
Travis (33:09.601)
Hmm. Hmm.
Courtney (33:11.713)
And that's what those kids in care really need to feel that they need to feel their importance and that they are important by many different people.
Travis (33:15.617)
Yeah.
Travis (33:20.417)
Right.
Courtney (33:22.433)
I love it. Thanks for sharing. Darius, how would you finish the sentence? What kids in foster care really need is.
Dairius Kawewehi (33:33.486)
What kids in foster care really need is...
unconditional love and support. I mean, if I had to summarize in a nutshell, I think that encompasses like everything. I mean, any kid, I mean, not, not just a kid in foster care, but I feel like any, any youth that's growing up in life, right. Regardless of their circumstances just requires unconditional love and support. and, and everything that kind of comes with that. Right. and just that feeling of, of security that they can truly confide in, you know, their parents.
Travis (33:46.465)
Mm -hmm.
Travis (33:55.841)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (34:07.726)
You know, their support system, be it a therapist, a teacher, right? To be able to confide in what they're feeling, what they're thinking, surely without any repercussions. And just having that space to be able to do that. So I think that's how I would describe it. There's many different avenues I can kind of take this conversation with, but I have to summarize it. That's what I would say.
Travis (34:19.649)
Hmm.
Travis (34:25.761)
Hmm.
Travis (34:37.217)
So looking back, it sounds like a lot of the foster homes you were in weren't necessarily healthy or good for you. There certainly was the one that you talked about. And, do you think looking back that that was definitely a thing that you felt like you were just, you knew you were missing at the time. You just couldn't share. Like there would have been a consequence to you sharing, honestly, like there wasn't the freedom, the space to kind of be you and just say like, Hey, this is really hard. I wish I had.
my foster parent that I could confide in. I mean, it sounds like that just was a missing piece maybe to a lot of your journey in there.
Dairius Kawewehi (35:13.454)
Yeah, it was certainly a missing piece in terms of repercussions. I don't think it would have been like a repercussion in the sense that I would have gotten like swore at or, you know, physically beaten or anything, but more so like, even if I were to say anything, right. And some of the homes I was in, it would fall on deaf ears. and, and so I just, I just didn't really feel like, you know, in some of the homes I was in, I could truly just.
Travis (35:24.673)
Mm -hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (35:43.278)
open up about what's going on. There were some siblings I've gotten close to in different homes that, you know, we could talk to each other, right? Because we've gone through, you know, similar experiences and, and we could relate on some level, but even just talking to each other, I mean, I don't think that's always the right level of support. You know, it definitely helped me get through some difficult times in those homes, but, you know, we truly, all of us just needed, you know, a level of love and care and
belonging, right? I think that was a key piece that I kind of left off in the previous question, but just just that feeling of belonging. And there are some of the homes where it felt and this is crazy to think of like being a kid and having to stop like transactional, right? Like, because, you know, when you when you become a foster parent, you know, there is a monetary aspect that comes with that, right? And then it just depends on, you know, if you're a quote unquote, special needs kid or
Travis (36:14.017)
Hmm. Hmm.
Travis (36:27.841)
Mm -hmm.
Travis (36:40.737)
Mm -hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (36:41.262)
or whatever the other categories that they label us. That was also something that got to me. I'd hear all the labels, right? I'm in these conversations and we're just labeled different things. So it did feel transactional at times. There's a dollar amount that gets associated with it. I'd hear my different foster families argue among their spouses about certain things. All of us kids, we're hearing the entire conversation. So it's not like it's secretive or anything.
Travis (36:49.825)
Hmm.
Travis (37:07.713)
Right.
Bye.
Dairius Kawewehi (37:10.606)
So it just felt at times incredibly transactional. Like I was just a dollar figure. I was just money to pay for bills and you know, whatever it may be. no, not to say that they weren't like feeding us or I didn't have a roof over my head. I mean, I was incredibly grateful for the fact that I could live somewhere and I wasn't out on the street, but I mean, to feel like I'm just a stranger and someone's home and you know, just, just the
Travis (37:13.633)
Hmm.
Travis (37:20.577)
Hmm.
Travis (37:25.153)
Mm -hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (37:40.558)
just the paycheck, but I never felt that in the home that took me in when I was there, my second foster home and the home that eventually adopted me. Never, never felt that. you know, my, my family was willing to, you know, sacrifice any monetary gain, in order to take me in. I mean, she was willing to just say, Hey, I don't need any of that. He's, he is my, you know, he is part of this family. and so I think just.
Travis (38:00.321)
Hmm.
Travis (38:04.641)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (38:09.518)
just realizing the differences, right? I felt like, yeah, this is a family that truly cares about who I am as a person, right? Care about my personal wellbeing.
Travis (38:17.825)
Hmm.
Yeah, and you're part of them, part of the family, like you said.
Courtney (38:25.601)
Yeah, when we train foster families, we always talk about there's a difference between a kid being safe in your home versus the kid feeling safe. And it's the same thing with what you're saying. They don't just be told, yeah, you're heard, you belong, you're part of the family versus really feeling that and helping the kids feel it.
Travis (38:36.961)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (38:39.726)
feeling. And I think that's a, I think when kids go through this, or kids and youth, there's like an intrinsic ability we have where we can sense those things, right? It's not something you're taught, right? It's something that you go through and you just understand when you're in the moment. And other challenges that we face,
Travis (38:39.808)
Hmm.
Travis (38:54.561)
you
Dairius Kawewehi (39:07.918)
that I faced. I've been the oldest child, the youngest child, middle child, you know, among many different ranges of siblings. Sorry, I lost my train of thought, but yeah. You know, ranging from 10 to 12 siblings to being the only child. I mean, I think that's just a unique set of life experiences. And at times, you know, being in homes where, you know, I was among a family that had
Travis (39:15.457)
Hmm.
Travis (39:32.065)
Hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (39:38.734)
you know, natural born children and, and, you know, being, you know, one of the foster children. So just kind of being able to feel that difference, like the fact that there's a difference, right. And so just, you know, it is definitely uncomfortable. It's unsettling. So just something that I've had to go through and I'm sure, you know, there's countless, countless, many others that are out there that have felt this as well.
Travis (39:45.569)
Hmm.
Travis (39:52.897)
Mm -hmm.
Dairius Kawewehi (40:07.31)
And so I think that's another challenge that we kind of face when, you know, we're in the system.
Travis (40:14.497)
Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because I'd never actually thought of that until now of where, you know, we talk about with adoption is common to talk about disrupted birth orders and kind of from the parents view. But for the kids in foster care who like in your case are bouncing around the homes where you're all of a sudden the oldest, now your youngest, now your middle, like that other element of like, how do you even cope and deal with even just that? I mean, that's a really, yeah, another challenging hurdle.
Dairius Kawewehi (40:44.142)
Yeah, I, it was one of the reasons why I kind of went down like the darkest part of my life. I came from a home where I was the, you know, call it one of the, one of the youngest and all of a sudden I'm like the oldest, but still being in elementary school, but having to take care of like a one -year -old and a three -year -old. and I think there was a four -year -old as well, right? I'm not even, I'm not even a pre -teen yet.
and I, and we had a parent that had worked those very late at night. So I'm, you know, dealing with, all right, I got to cook up some, some food, you know, feed the kids, get them showered, put them in bed. and, and, and I'm still like, I gotta do my homework. I walk to school every day. I mean, it was just, it was just a lot to do with that. I mean, I didn't have older siblings to teach me how to do that. I've never been in this situation before. and I was kind of just lost this responsibility inherently because I was the oldest kid in the house.
and so that was just an incredibly difficult challenge and still dealing with my own, like I haven't even faced my inner emotions, right? Like this was already my fourth or fifth foster home and fourth elementary school that I was going to and the second move in like six months. So, it was, yeah, I think it's just a challenge that's unique, in this sort of situation. So I don't.
Travis (41:55.681)
Mmm.
Travis (42:05.377)
Wow.
Travis (42:09.729)
Yeah.
Dairius Kawewehi (42:12.942)
I don't know how to tell someone like, how do you deal with that? Right? Like, I think it would, it would come with having a strong support network, which is not something you can always advocate for. Right? It just depends on, you know, it really just depends on who your caseworker is and who your therapist is. And then kind of starting with that support system.
Travis (42:17.761)
Right.
Travis (42:26.433)
Hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Travis (42:33.825)
Yeah.
Courtney (42:37.953)
Darius, thank you for being with us today and kind of as we close out it's just you've got a wealth of information but one thing also is you're passionate about helping others like you who have come out of foster care and give them that space of process and and grieve and find that hope and healing in the community amongst each other. Tell us a little bit more about the community that you have with former foster youth and what you started as formerly fostered forever loved.
Dairius Kawewehi (43:02.958)
Yeah, thank you for that. So I had this thought when I got moved here to Northern Virginia, right, in my military move, and I wanted to dive down this path of business and entrepreneurship. One of my mentors had told me, you know, before you kind of go down this path, you want to just set your vision for your future, right? What is something that you want to strive for that no matter how hard this path gets?
that you will continue working down this path, right? Something bigger than yourself. And my thought was, you know, I want to find a way where I can impact within this community, right? And so one of my visions was to get to a point where I can create a mentorship for, you know, current and former foster youth to learn about business, about, you know, about financial education, about, you know, financial freedom, right? And then health and fitness.
And so I was like, you know, this, this, this vision of mine is, you know, somewhere years down the line. And, and so I was challenged with a different mentor of mine of, you know, is there something you can do in your current life situation to, to impact this community that you're very passionate about? And, you know, I thought was, well, really one way that I could do that is just using my own voice and being able to be an advocate for others and kind of share my story and just create a community.
where we can gather. And so back in the end of 2022, I created a Facebook group called Formally Fostered, it's wherever it loves. And it's truly just a space for us to, you know, kind of collaborate and, you know, just share, you know, different, you know, thoughts we have about our experiences and just, you know, our life journey. You know, just a safe space for us, just us to gather and just.
you know, feel connected and feel loved and realize that, you know, we are not alone in this journey in life.
Travis (45:00.961)
Hmm.
Travis (45:05.281)
Hmm. It's a great name. I love that name so much.
Courtney (45:09.581)
Yeah. That's a great name. Thank you for doing that. Yeah. I know we typically take in teenagers now and we have a teen in our home. That's what we try to get for them. As somebody that, you know, it's one thing for us to say, you know, I haven't experienced foster care. I've experienced as a foster parent, but I don't know what you're going through. But if I can find them somebody like you that can walk alongside life with them and be with them, it just gives them that sense of somebody that they think really gets it and know, you know.
Travis (45:33.441)
Hmm.
Courtney (45:38.689)
We can talk eye to eye. We can look eye to eye. We can talk about these real hard things that they may not want to talk to with me or somebody else and feel that connection. So I'm sure that that is just such a safe place. Yeah, definitely.
Dairius Kawewehi (45:41.042)
Thank you.
Dairius Kawewehi (45:46.894)
Yep. And feel that there's a life on the other side, right? A life on the other side of healing.
Travis (45:48.577)
Yeah.
Yep. Yep.
Courtney (45:55.521)
Yeah, well again, Darius, we just thank you. We thank you for all that you do for the fostering community, for the former foster youth. Now being a board member at AKB, we'd love to have you on board and yeah, listeners, if you want to check out other things, hear more about Darius. We have things in the show notes, links in the show notes to previous interviews and webinars that Darius has joined us on. And we always love to hear your voice.
Travis (46:04.065)
Yeah, it's huge. Mm -hmm. Yep.
Dairius Kawewehi (46:04.974)
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Dairius Kawewehi (46:19.47)
I appreciate it so much. I mean, I'm just thankful for the community to see that, you know, there's people out here that are, you know, giving a platform for people to raise their voice and to advocate for others and to just show that, you know, we're here on this life journey together and, you know, we can, you know, lend a helping hand where needed.
Travis (46:39.745)
Yeah, that's well said. And also thank you so much for your service in the U S Navy. I also think about how what Courtney said of you now as a board member with a national organization in the space of expanding into new frontiers and foster care to have your leadership and your lived experience in the foster care system. It's going to be amazingly huge. So, yeah. So thanks again so much for joining us today and letting your insights.
Dairius Kawewehi (47:07.182)
thank you so much. I appreciate that. I really do.
Courtney (47:12.193)
Thank you.