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Welcome to Flip the Script with Vic, your weekly pep talk to expand and shift your perspective. I’m your host, Victoria Nielsen. Together, we’ll unwind all the things you thought you knew, and awaken to what’s truly possible when you flip the script on your reality and take control of your own life.
Speaker A [00:00:00]:
Hi, loves. Welcome to another episode of Flip the script with Vic. I'm your host, Victoria Nielsen. I'm feeling a little tender today, melancholy, if you will. And it's causing me to be really introspective. It is the first day of the new year in 2024, and if you listen to last week's episode, you know that I really feel like this is an arbitrary very day, because the new year, seasonally, doesn't happen until March, when spring comes. And so this is the energy of the season. This is what is being asked of us from nature, to go inward and slow down and cocoon and have these realizations in these dark moments of winter.
Speaker A [00:00:47]:
And it's so fucking uncomfortable. I help other women move through this. And of course, as I'm sitting here today, having a low energy day, not wanting to do anything, part of me is, like, itching to fix it, to do something, to journal, to do a meditation, to move my body, to prescribe to myself all of the things that I give my clients. But sometimes what you really need to do is actually sit in the uncomfortableness and sit in the energy. And I know I talked about this in, gosh, I think it was like the second episode ever of the podcast about feeling your feelings and sitting in that discomfort. And that's really what's coming up for me, is these contradictions, right? Of knowing it's going to get better, because it always gets better. But sitting in this low point right now, and nothing even is really wrong, and I think maybe that's what I want to share today, is that you can feel icky and uncomfortable and low energy and melancholy, and there is nothing wrong with you. Those are natural feelings to be had in the dual nature of earth.
Speaker A [00:02:06]:
For every high high, there's going to be a low low. And for every rebirth, there's going to be a death. And for every transition and change, there are going to be moments in the middle. And I think that's what I'm really wallowing in today is the middle. And I actually wrote this piece about the middle, gosh, in April of this year, and I found it last night as I was journaling. I write just whatever comes to my heart. And this one felt really special and interesting. And so, you know, what I'm going to do today is I'm going to read it out loud to you and see if it resonates with you as much as it resonates with me.
Speaker A [00:02:50]:
So I actually called this one the beginning. Everyone loves a good beginning when the stars are in your eyes. And the butterflies are in your stomach and everything still looks rosy. But then the stars fade, the butterflies dwindle, and the glasses become smudged with the struggle of the actual work. The middle, where there's really such beauty if you allow yourself to see it, if you allow yourself to not get caught up in the drudgery, the incessant pull to get from here to there, to instead dawdle a while and stay there to languish, if you will. Languish sounds like a bad word. But what if it's actually luxurious? What if you luxuriated in the middle, if you found solace in the in between? Because once it's done, it's done and you can only begin once. But you can find yourself in the middle over and over again.
Speaker A [00:03:44]:
You can approach it from new perspectives, new angles. There's only one door in and one door out. But what about all the other doors in between? The ones that take you down tangled paths you never would have found otherwise? The verdant jungle of desire that allows you to wander with no real place to go, knowing it will come to an end eventually. Because everything does. You don't need to hold your breath and wait for it. It will meet you when it wants to, when it's ready to. So why not enjoy the scenery until then? Take in the lush landscape and be grateful you have two eyes, two lungs and two legs to experience it with. Everyone gets all moon eyed over beginnings.
Speaker A [00:04:23]:
But what a letdown. Because those don't last. Either they'll trickle into the middle so slowly you don't even realize, or they'll collapse like a landslide. But either way, you won't stay there. You won't be at the beginning for long. I guess that's maybe a case for enjoying the beginning a bit more. But you already have such natural excitement and exuberance. I'm not sure it needs more cheering on now.
Speaker A [00:04:46]:
The middle. That's where the magic really happens. Like that forgotten middle child you glance over at because the bookends of the oldest and the youngest take all of your attention. But my God, that middle child is so lovely. When you get one on one time with them alone, they have more pizzazz and spark and magic in their little finger than the oldest and youngest combined. But shh, don't tell them that. They're a true joy to be around when you stop and actually spend time with them. When you pause and take your face out of a screen and look around instead of rushing from one thing to the next, the best part of this is that the middle won't boast, it won't ask for your attention, but it has such gifts when you freely give it.
Speaker A [00:05:28]:
They say it's about the journey and not the destination. And here I must wholeheartedly agree. For there is gold in those middle moments when you're making your way to the end. There are pearls of wisdom uncovered. Only when you stop to dig, when you allow yourself the space and time to lolly gag. What a weird word. Lolly gag. Are you gagging on all the lollies because they're so divine? I guess maybe someone was.
Speaker A [00:05:54]:
There's less pressure in the middle, too. You might be poked and prodded to begin and even forced to end by no cause of your own. So enjoy that time in the middle and the unwinding and unfurling. You don't know how long you'll get to be there. So instead of complaining that it isn't over yet, be grateful you're there at all, that the path has been illuminated for you to walk down, for you to skip and hop and trapeze to your heart's content. Because there would be no beginning and end without the middle. Did you ever think of that? That was really fun to read out loud. Maybe I'll be doing more of that in the podcast where I read some of my writing out loud.
Speaker A [00:06:37]:
But it was a beautiful perspective and reminder to find this last night, because I feel like I am in the middle of yet another transition, and they're coming fast and furious because of all the inner work that I'm doing. And so if I'm in a transition, I know that means that you must be in another transition, too. And especially as we're in this weird, no man's land middle ground of the end of the holiday season, the beginning of the new year. Maybe your kids aren't back in school yet. Mine aren't back in school for another couple of days. And the end is coming. It's going to be here soon, but it's not here just yet. And instead of wishing it would come faster, can we just enjoy being in the middle? And can we enjoy being in this moment? And can we try and be with our feelings without trying to change them or alter them or numb them, or do any of the things that we do as humans to disassociate and get out of our bodies? Because this is where the magic is in these uncomfortable moments, is when you grow and they don't feel good while you're in them, but they don't last forever.
Speaker A [00:07:42]:
And there is no coming back to them. And so can you squeeze them for all that they're worth and get all of the juice out of them that you need to so that you don't have to be in these moments again? Because the lessons that come around for us come around again and again until we learn them. And so the feelings that you may be feeling are potentially the vibrations or the debris of other things that you have uncovered. And you may be thinking, God, I thought I already dealt with this, or why do I feel this way again? And I just want to give you a hug and say that it's totally normal and that, yes, it may be frustrating to continue to feel these feelings, but they're there for a reason, and they're coming up for a reason. I feel these last couple of weeks of chaos in my house has been difficult in the sense that my oldest has a lot of really big feelings, and he just turned four a couple of days ago. And I'm ready for these big feelings to be over with because it's a lot of drama, it's a lot of yelling, it's a lot of throwing and hitting and dysregulation. He gets super dysregulated. And I've started to think of it as an opportunity for connection.
Speaker A [00:08:59]:
Instead of, he's doing this because he's a bad kid, he's doing it because he's having a bad time. And if I feel uncomfortable in these feelings as a grown ass adult, I can only imagine how uncomfortable he feels in these feelings as a kid who is not used to them, who has never had them, who doesn't understand them. And I read a really beautiful book by Dr. Becky called good Inside, and I kind of skipped around a little bit because I was really looking to alleviate the hitting and yelling and things. But I know she talks a lot about separation anxiety and sleep and really all kinds of issues that kids face because she's a psychologist and she works with adults who come to her having so many issues that are stemming from childhood. So many of us have these things that we carry that were birthed within us in childhood and were never looked at or never fixed. And it doesn't mean that we have anything wrong with us. It just means that we have stories that we have the opportunity to rewrite if we are willing, and we have the opportunity to look at and give love to.
Speaker A [00:10:03]:
And I did a beautiful meditation last night that was really connecting me to my inner child and some of these moments that I wanted to rewrite where I felt alone and misunderstood. And unloved. And it was by no fault of my parents or anyone around me. It was just how I felt because of the circumstances, because my know took a job in the legislature in Florida. So we moved a couple months out of the year to Tallahassee from my little town of Key west. And I look back at that time fondly, but I think there was a lot going on during that time that I haven't processed or didn't even realize, because I used to eat a lot of junkie food to cope with my feelings. My mom was gone a lot because she was working as an aide in the legislature, and they had really long hours. And so I was always with a babysitter, and I loved them.
Speaker A [00:10:55]:
They were great. And we tell really funny stories about that time, of how I answered the phones at the sorority house, and they let me drive the stick shift of their car, and things that are really fun, but underneath them, I think I was a little girl that was hurting for her mom. And my mom was doing the best that she could because she needed to provide for our family. And I learned in that moment that providing for your family meant that you had to sacrifice time with them. And that's a story that I'm rewriting, because I don't believe that that's true. I think I can be completely successful and still spend time with my family and still be here in the difficult moments. And so that means that I have to be present in them and I have to not run away from them, which is a little bit ingrained in me. And again, not that my mom was running away from them, she physically couldn't be there because she had to work.
Speaker A [00:11:46]:
But when my son cries and gets upset, I have this bodily, visceral reaction to get him to stop, and I'm really uncomfortable with it. And I know that stems from my childhood. And if this resonates with you, again, there is nothing wrong with you because you want alone time or because you don't want to be needed, or because there are some moments when really you just want the kids to stop and you want them to be able to regulate themselves. Those are all normal, normal human emotions. But taking the time to sit with my own uncomfortable feelings has allowed me to see how hard it is for my son to do that, and that we have to rewrite this story together, and that we have to regulate our nervous systems together. And so I'm trying all kinds of things with laughter and with games and with play to try and bring him back to a more neutral state to bring us both back to a more neutral state. And when I come from that mindset of it's going to take as long as it takes, and it's okay if he is screaming and yelling and getting it out, right? As long as we're together, that's what matters. Because I think we're hurting ourselves when we put these unnecessary time frames, not even just on how long our kid is allowed to have a tantrum, but how long we allow ourselves to feel bad, or how long we allow ourselves to wallow in the middle before we're itching to start a new beginning.
Speaker A [00:13:18]:
There is no time limit. Time is an illusion and something that is made up. And so we get in our heads that it has to take a certain amount of time to do something and that if we take any longer than that, then we're a failure. But that's arbitrary and it's something that we've just made up. And can we let that go so that we can give ourselves a little bit more ease and a little bit more peace? To know that it's going to take as long as it takes and as long as we're doing the work and we're connecting and we're there together, that that's what matters. That there's no rushing to the next thing. Because really, that moment of connection is what matters most. Because that's, for me, what it comes down to more than anything is connection.
Speaker A [00:14:02]:
When I'm having these moments, it's because I'm craving connection. I'm craving someone else saying, I feel that way, too. Wow. I'm not alone. You're not alone. We're in this together. And so I just want you to know that whatever you're feeling in this moment, you are not alone. And we are in this together.
Speaker A [00:14:19]:
And we are in the middle experiencing it as it's meant to be experienced. And it's okay if it's uncomfortable. And it's okay if we don't really like it here at the moment. Because things will change. Because they always change. And can I encourage you and invite you to form deeper connections this week with people in your family, with your children? Maybe it's with a stranger online taking that time to send them a note that they really inspire you, or that you're looking forward to whatever it is maybe that they're offering or they're doing, or what have you. Because you never know when those little moments really make someone's day. Because behind our screens are lonely people.
Speaker A [00:15:02]:
The world is a really lonely place. And it is okay to feel that loneliness. We don't want to shun it, but I want you to know that even if you feel lonely, you are never truly alone. And you can always form connection in any moment with your kids, your partners, your friends, strangers on the Internet, women who are hosting podcasts who are just speaking from their heart. This is my bat signal for connection. If you're looking for connection and wanting to connect, I invite you to do so with me. It would be an honor. So I'm going to go connect with my kids and with my husband.
Speaker A [00:15:44]:
But I hope you enjoyed this really interesting episode of Flip the script with Vic. It was really fun to read some of my I don't even call them poems. Like, they're not poems, they're musings, I guess, if you will, that just come from my heart and felt like the right time to share. So with that, I'll bid you ado. We'll chat next week. I don't even feel like promoting stuff this week. You could check out the show notes for all the things I got going on. I love you guys so much.
Speaker A [00:16:20]:
Be good to one another. I'll see you next week. Close.