Body So Tea The British Are Coming

In this episode of "That's What They Said," hosts Julia and Kieran provide a mental health "check-in" to discuss their current stress levels and academic strategies as they navigate midterm season. Amidst personal updates about internship searches and community events, Kieran shares her recent struggles with body negativity, highlighted by a bizarre dream where she was a dog with three-inch legs.

That's What They Said is a podcast produced by WKNC 88.1 FM HD-1/HD-2, student-run radio from NC State University. Like what you hear? Consider supporting it with a gift to the WKNC Enhancement Fund. Visit our podcast page to hear more and follow us on all social media platforms @WKNC881. Thanks for listening.

Creators and Guests

Host

Julia Laursen

Host

Kieran McClean

What is That's What They Said?

Join hosts Julia and Kieran as they address the myths and stereotypes surrounding the campus community.

“That’s What They Said” is a space where we pull back the curtain on the college experience — the myths, the stereotypes and the late-night thoughts nobody puts in the brochure.

No topic is off-limits! We’re talking about everything — from expectations vs. reality, to campus culture, academics, friendships and the messy in-betweens. If it’s part of student life, we’re navigating it together.

"That's What They Said" is a podcast produced by WKNC 88.1 FM HD-1/HD-2 at NC State University.

00:04
Kieran
Julia, did you hear what they said?

00:07
Julia
No, what did they say?

00:08
Kieran
Oh, my gosh. I have to tell you right now. Meet me in the studio in five minutes.

00:12
Julia
Okay, I'm on my way. I'll see you soon. Welcome back to that's what they Said, an educationally conversational podcast we be where we address all the things that aren't in the college brochure. I mean, I mess up the intro and it's what, Season two, episode seven.

00:35
Kieran
Guys, hey, I think that's a great. A good starting point for this episode.

00:41
Julia
No, and I agree. And I agree.

00:42
Kieran
Yeah.

00:43
Julia
I'm also feeling like my voice is very crisp today. Like, I don't know. The mics are feeling. I don't. I don't really know what's going on.

00:48
Kieran
The mics are feeling like microphones today. It's kind of weird.

00:50
Julia
Yeah. I don't know.

00:52
Kieran
I feel like my voice is a little bit, like, farther back, like, lower. Like farther in my throat today. Right, Exactly. Last episode, I sounded like something else.

01:03
Julia
Well, were both kind of low key going through it. Last episode.

01:05
Kieran
This is true.

01:06
Julia
I'm still like. I was just, like, hearing this nostril right here is still, like, dripping because it's cold outside this morning. And I was about to say I just walked here, but that's actually a lie. I walked here like, half an hour ago. But you know what? We rise. I would love to hear your high low, Buffalo.

01:24
Kieran
Yes. Okay. High low, Buffalo.

01:26
Julia
Hi.

01:26
Kieran
Hey.

01:27
Julia
Hello, Buffalo.

01:28
Kieran
Hey. Hello, Buffalo. My low is. Honestly, last week was a really hard week for me. I had so many things going on.

01:42
Julia
It true.

01:43
Kieran
I'll talk about it probably more in my. My update, but. Oh, this week's episode, by the way, is like a check in episode. We're kind of touching base on, like, the mental health thing again, seeing how we're doing. Kind of just. It's like mid. We're entering midterm seasons, if not have already. So this is our midterm podcast.

02:01
Julia
And also, I feel like I. When we did our mental health episode, which was episode six, which is ages and ages ago. Oh, I got a groupie message. We talked about mental health and how I get really bad seasonal depression. So I thought it would be interesting to check in now that it's like. Like we're in the depths of the seasonal depression area. And also I feel like we've had both had a lot of life updates since then. I don't know, a lot has changed since we did our first Mental health episode. So this is kind of excited to check in and see, like, how our strategies have been working.

02:34
Kieran
A semesterly check in, if you will.

02:36
Julia
Here, here.

02:37
Kieran
But, yes, last week was very exhausting for me. It was rough. It was rough. My low is just the constant stream of exams that's happening right now.

02:46
Julia
It true.

02:48
Kieran
My high is that I'm going to New York this weekend.

02:50
Julia
Yay. The Big Apple. Yeah.

02:53
Kieran
I was just there back in December. But I'm going for Bachelorette. I leave on Thursdays. The Bachelorette, the baccalaureate. We're filming this on Tuesday. I'm leaving on Thursday. So I'm very excited about it. I'm planning to do no homework, no work, nothing. Oh, my God. I haven't done that in almost a year now. So we'll see how that goes for me. I'll probably. Okay. So those who are listening on the audio podcast, Julia was doing those, like, anime, like, you know, they, like, across the screen.

03:29
Julia
That's me. Anyway, sorry, guys. I don't actually do that in real life. Please. But also, if you do, it's fine. But, like, I personally don't. But, like, if you do, it's okay. Like, I don't think.

03:39
Kieran
I wasn't talking or doing my Highland buffalo that. That you asked me to do.

03:45
Julia
I'm in a bit of a good mood today, y', all, and I really.

03:47
Kieran
Don't know why, so I'm so glad. The duality.

03:53
Julia
True.

03:54
Kieran
My buffalo is that buffalo.

03:57
Julia
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

04:00
Kieran
My buffalo is that. My mom brought me half a loaf of sourdough bread from Laor Bakery, and I ate half of it. I've yet to actually toast any of it. I've just been eating the bread raw. Oh. Eating sourdough by the slice bus. So good. Yeah. I haven't put any of it in the toaster. I've just been eating it.

04:21
Julia
So I emailed the. I taught a contra class and I make your income with me as emotional support. Like, last week.

04:29
Kieran
I did help, though.

04:30
Julia
It's. It true. It true. And it was my first time ever calling a contra dance and, like, teaching whatever. Contra. I teach other types of dances, but my first time teaching contra and contra. And I emailed Colleen yesterday. Cause I was like, I'd love to make a LinkedIn post. Like, can you send me the photos? And she sent me the photos, and there's one of me where I'm actively, like, yelling at the whole group of people. And I'm going. And I'm like, okay, so maybe that's like really not what I kind of was going for with the photo situation. But I appreciate you sending that my way. But there was like one good. They had like a professional photographer there. Do you remember?

05:02
Kieran
Yes, I do, unfortunately.

05:04
Julia
And like low key thing. Got a good pick of us. I don't know like how you like feel about it, but it's like, I mean it's definitely a side profile moment, but I like, not bad. Like it's like low key good.

05:13
Kieran
No, lowkey, we ate down.

05:14
Julia
Right. And so that might be posted on LinkedIn, maybe elsewhere as well. Yeah, but lowkey, I feel like I ate. My hair looks really good. Anyway, can I do my. Hello Buffalo. Yeah, okay. In terms of low, it's cold.

05:28
Kieran
This is a true statement.

05:30
Julia
And my nose is running. What else? I feel like I had like one. Do I have a low going on at the moment? Oh, in terms of internship search, that's a low. And it's kind of stressing me out because, you know, I had an interview last week that was in person and I didn't get it. It was like my last round interview and there was only two of us and I didn't get it and I was like, you know what? And then I had a whole freak out where I was like, I'm not good enough for anything. But then I was like, wait, they had a lot of applicants and I made it to the final round, which is a win. And it was a good experience interviewing.

06:05
Julia
And I haven't done an in person interview in a while, so it was good to get back into it. But I applied to probably 15 internships yesterday and I woke up this morning and started looking at more. So you know, just stay tuned on that front in terms of. Hi. Hello. I had my confidence, my actual confidence on Saturday and it was so good.

06:30
Kieran
We had the most amount of people ever show up. Over 150 people.

06:35
Julia
It true.

06:35
Kieran
Which may not seem like a lot, but that's a lot for contra dance.

06:39
Julia
It's true. And were in one of the ballrooms in the student union and it was full, like completely full. Like people like by the time like it was like 6:35. It started at 6:30, like the lesson. And the lesson started and it was like full like they were. Everybody was in a huge circle around the ballroom and people were like crammed into the corners like trying to practice. It was like it was a major slay. And I'm, I was so happy and like I have people coming up to me that there's a group called tcd, which is like the contra dancers of the Triangle.

07:07
Kieran
Triangle Contra dance.

07:09
Julia
Well, country they're called. They call ourselves the Country Dancers, Which I'm like, where you host contra dances? Which is not country dancing, but, you know, whatever.

07:16
Kieran
Country, maybe like country, like North Carolina, I don't know.

07:18
Julia
But they've been like a thing for like 50 years. So I was like, you know what?

07:21
Kieran
If you let him have it, don't.

07:22
Julia
Don't let me tell you to change your name. Anyway, and so I had all of them, like all the people that are on the board for that, come up to me and be like, this is like amazing. Like, this is such a high energy dance. Like, you have so many people here. This is awesome because that was more people than they have at their dances. And they've been doing that for years. And I do this myself and I have my front desk lady over here. And also Frank was one of my front desk ladies this time. He's a real good front desk lady. He types real good. But anyway, so I run this dance myself.

07:55
Julia
I spend hours, literally hours every week marketing and sending emails and figuring out ways to like, spread the word that it's happening and make sure we can, like, continue having the dances and blah, blah. So the win that we are experiencing at the moment is that so many people came to the last one. And I'm expecting the same amount of people to come to the next one or more. I would like it to be more like. I would obviously like more people to come, but the venue that we're supposed to have it next time is too small. So I had to cancel our reservation for that venue. And we're looking to reserving literally a field to host the next.

08:32
Kieran
An outdoor space, a literal field. It's literally called Harris Field.

08:36
Julia
It's a field. And I think, like, it's not. Dancing in the grass is not really conducive to doing all the more advanced turns and twists and things. But I think the concept of being whimsical and dancing on the grass barefoot will appeal to a lot of contra dancers because a lot of us dance barefoot and dress like hobbits anyway. So, like, you know, how about, you know, Bilbo Baggins birthday party? You know, are you ever. Have you ever watched the Hobbit and all that?

09:02
Kieran
No.

09:03
Julia
Okay, well, Bilbo Baggins birthday party, when he turns like 100 and something or whatever is outside and they dance around in the grass and hobbits go barefoot all the time. You Know.

09:12
Kieran
Yeah. And, like, you.

09:13
Julia
Right? And then they, like, dress really, like, whimsical and slave.

09:17
Kieran
Woodland.

09:18
Julia
Woodland. It's true. And so that's kind of the vibe I'm going for, but I'm kind of stressed because I have to get it approved, and if I don't get it approved, then we have, like, actually no venue. So kind of workshopping that. I literally was telling Drew and Kieran. Drew's our front desk lady in the business office, that I, like, woke up multiple times last night. Like, I need to send an email to figure this out. Like, but I can't do it. Like, I literally just have to wait for, like, a week and a half to find out if we, like, if it gets approved. But anyway, that's why I'm really excited about that. And my buffalo, I have two, but they're related. One, I saw that really fat robin this morning I was telling you about, and it was.

09:54
Julia
It was all fluffed up like a little circle, and it looks so cold. I just. I wanted to pick it up like this. And I said, good morning. And he looked at me, and it was like. And I was like, he's so cold. And that's how I felt about the.

10:07
Kieran
Goose that I saw yesterday. I was driving away from campus to go back to my apartment, and I had to stop to let these geese cross. My favorite thing about geese is I know that they're always saying some swear word at me, but, like, in goose language. And it always makes me laugh because also, the way that they walk is very just like, what you want? What you looking at, bro? What you.

10:27
Julia
What you.

10:27
Kieran
What you want?

10:28
Julia
They're so nasty.

10:29
Kieran
But then I also know that they're being like, you're ugly, you're stupid. You're dumb, like the dog. Okay. I know that's how every single goose thinks about me, or just, like, anyone. And so it just made me laugh. I don't think geese are one to be like, I love the world. Like, I don't know.

10:47
Julia
I mean, Canadian geese, I feel like, yes, they're like that, but other geese. You ever seen another? A different kind of goose. They're real nice. They're real nasty. Real, real squishy.

10:56
Kieran
I don't tap into the goose culture that much, but I am a big fan of it. I do appreciate from a distance, and in another life, I would love to have a pet goose.

11:03
Julia
I. We had pet ducks where they're, like, the big kind of ducks.

11:06
Kieran
Yeah.

11:06
Julia
So they look like geese. Oh, they were so nasty. They were so good to hug. They would like waddle off and put their head like right here. And you could give them a big hug and you could kiss all over their little head. And it was soft. Anyway, my second part of my buffalo. Sorry to just continue on, but Cleo, my sibling, they go to Unc sent me a picture yesterday. You know, in a tree when it gets like knots in the tree and it's like where like squirrels.

11:30
Kieran
Yeah.

11:31
Julia
Well, there was a teeny tiny knot and it was like this big.

11:35
Kieran
And besides like an apple.

11:36
Julia
Yeah. And there was a chipmunk in there and he was just looking out and he fit in there so good. Let me show you the picture. That's his house. He's so comfy. And I wanted to live in there with him. And he was so nasty. Clean picture. And I was like, what am I looking at? We deceive a chipmunk in there.

11:54
Kieran
At the gym yesterday, were talking about tinkerbell characters. Oh, my goodness.

11:59
Julia
You guys see him? He's in the air. He's too comfy.

12:04
Kieran
Oh, nasty. We were talking about Tinkerbell fairies at the gym yesterday and which one we would be. And I said that Julia would be the one that or like power wise Julia would be able to speak to animals.

12:15
Julia
It true. Because I already talked to them because you're so nasty and I just love them so much. I really do. And I. I talked to Rudy on the phone yesterday. You know Rudy Rotten, my mink? Yes. And just let me. Let me just show you a little photo of what I was. What I was. Oh, it's actually disgusting. Look at it. It's got its zipper.

12:37
Kieran
For those who cannot see, Rudy is on its back, little feet in the air. It's looking very nice and flat and round and chunky.

12:46
Julia
Wait, here is it. It is doing its trick.

12:49
Kieran
O. The leg was up.

12:51
Julia
Yes, it is doing ballerina leg. Oh, that feels so nice.

12:55
Kieran
When you pet a certain part of Rotten's leg, it just goes bloop. And it just like sticks out.

13:00
Julia
It does. It is actually nasty in here. I sent this to care this morning. Is Rudy with his little birdie on his back.

13:07
Kieran
A nice round Rudy positioned upon a chair with its little toy on top of him.

13:11
Julia
You see little birdie on it.

13:13
Kieran
My dogs kind of do the same thing as Ron, but we call it stick paw, wiggly paw. And if you pet a certain part of their elbow. Okay, so like when you. I learned this that all dogs can do this because I would just go up to my friend's dogs and See if they would do it. And they do. But we call it stick paw, wiggly paw in my family. And I came up. I don't really know how I came up with it, but at some point I did. But basically, like, the idea is that like when you go and like grab a dog's leg, I guess if it's laying down or whatever, it's very just like loose and wiggly. But if you pet a certain part of their elbow, they'll lock it. And so it becomes like a literal like, stick.

13:48
Kieran
And you can just like, if you grab it, they just like. It's just this one aggressive motion. And sometimes I go up to my dogs, I'm like, stick ball, wiggly ball. And if you pet that's just below their elbow, it locks in place and then you pick it up and you can do taps with it. But you always have to do a double tap to confirm it's in stick mode because sometimes they'll like loosen it back up. But if you do the double tap, they just like stick. It just like stays as a stick.

14:11
Julia
Oh, your dogs are nasty. I really like their toes are very separated, like you very distinct toes.

14:18
Kieran
And I don't know how much I love that about them. Like, it's pretty nice, but also like, it's pretty nice.

14:23
Julia
I like it. They do, they do tippy taps. Just so excited. It tipping. It happens. So excited.

14:30
Kieran
They do just tippy taps. I do love a tippy top. My favorite is when they back up. Tippy tap.

14:34
Julia
Ooh.

14:34
Kieran
They get so excited, they just go backwards. Like, they just like, don't know what to do, so they start backing up.

14:39
Julia
So exciting.

14:40
Kieran
But because their toes are so distinct and like clean shaven, you can hear all of their little nails.

14:45
Julia
Yeah.

14:46
Kieran
And Piper, like, can't jump. She like broke her back legs as a puppy because she was dropped as a puppy. So she can only like hop. And she'll only hop if she's like really excited. She'll like, she'll do a little like bunny hop almost where she's like the front two paws are up and then the back two, like, she goes like maybe half an inch off the ground. She doesn't go very far, but she'll do like her little hop.

15:07
Julia
Nasty, but money. Anyway. Well, you know what? Pets are helpful for improving your mental health. And that's a great segue.

15:17
Kieran
Into what?

15:18
Julia
Into talking about our mental health and levels of stress. So I would love to hear your quick update. Just kind of start me off with, how are you feeling today? Mental health wise. And then we'll go into what we've.

15:32
Kieran
Been up to this semester today, mental health wise. It's been a rough couple weeks, and it'll continue to be that. Just rough in the sense of, like, so busy in every single aspect of my life. Yeah, I'm needing to give 100 at work right now and 100 at school, but then also at some point, maybe give at least 50 to my friends, but then also give myself at least 50%. And if you notice that these percentages do not equal to 150. Yeah. And then there's more aspects of my life that also need attention, like my family and, you know, my hobbies and whatever. And so I'm just spread very thin at the moment. Some. I can't even get into that right now. I'm sorry.

16:17
Julia
Sorry. I, I, I got. I hit a nerve. I hit a nerve. I'm sorry.

16:20
Kieran
It's been a rough couple weeks with me, body positivity wise. Did I tell the math story on the podcast?

16:26
Julia
Yeah, I think so.

16:27
Kieran
Okay.

16:27
Julia
We're feeling body negative.

16:28
Kieran
Body negative recently, for those who did not hear about it. Very quick recap. I was called a woman with men mass the other day, and I quote, you're lucky I have a spots, a soft spot for women with mass. End quote. And then when I was like, I'm sorry, what did you just call me? They said, let's not beat around the bush, Kieran. You know what you are? You're not skinny. You have weight to you. And I said, oh, but it was supposed to be like a compliment. Like, they were trying to, like, hit on me. And I was like, oh, wow. Right? Also was not someone I knew either. This was a stranger. I was like, right, okay. So I was hit with that. Then I was told yesterday I have big legs. I was like, no.

17:16
Julia
And you posted that. Who told you that? No, and you could say it.

17:22
Kieran
Who was it? The power guy. Ew.

17:26
Julia
Why are you so.

17:28
Kieran
We're not talking about that.

17:29
Julia
That.

17:29
Kieran
We're not talking about that. There is. There is this guy whom I was just talking to you about, like, my life. This is not a guy of interest. This is just a literal man. Well, no.

17:43
Julia
Okay.

17:43
Kieran
No. And I was just like, oh, yeah. Like, I, like I sent a snap. Just like your normal one, whatever. And I was at the gym, and he's like, oh, you're at the gym? And I was like, well, yes, that is the photo I sent. Good job. But I was like, yeah, it's like leg and glutes. Day. And he was like, oh, okay, big legs. Hey guys, I can't. Well, cuz he was like, oh, so you're like big muscles. And I was like, yeah, like that's the goal. And he was like, yeah, big legs.

18:13
Julia
Oh,

18:18
Kieran
Because also nerd drop. My brother's great. Used to call me thunder thighs.

18:22
Julia
Right guys? No, but thick thighs save lives.

18:26
Kieran
No, I, I'm hoping it ends mine. Like, I, at this point, I cannot take one more negative comment about my body because on top of that, I was talking to my friend the other day and she's telling me about this guy.

18:40
Julia
Okay.

18:41
Kieran
That she's talking to.

18:42
Julia
Just.

18:42
Kieran
And she was like, tell me about this guy that she was talking to. And I was like, oh my God, haha, you should totally invite him over as like a joke. And she's like, oh, I couldn't do that. And I was like, okay, why is he going to like, and like hurt me? Like, I don't. What? She's like, he would just say some not nice things about you to you. What? I was like, basically. And then I was like, was he calling me like fat? And she's like, yeah, he call you fat. And I was like, see, there are.

19:09
Julia
So many things wrong with that one. Why would she tell you that too? Why is she even seeing this man? And I get that they're just hooking up, but there are so many. Like, you can hook up with a morally decent person. Like, it's really not that complicated. It's not hard. Like, I, like, I, we all make mistakes, but we don't have to make that mistake. Like, that's not hard to like, fix. Like genuinely, like, sometimes, you know, you just have to say no.

19:41
Kieran
So it's been a little bit rough for me. I also did have a job, a dream. I think I, I told this on the pod. Did I tell this one on the podcast too? About you did.

19:50
Julia
You did.

19:50
Kieran
Okay, to also recap very quickly, in case you did not hear about that one. I had a dream that I was a dog with dwarfism.

19:56
Julia
True.

19:57
Kieran
Meaning that I was. I had a dream that I was a dog that was short and stocky with like 3 inch legs. Like I was an obese dog with 3 inch legs.

20:06
Julia
It true.

20:07
Kieran
And I was telling the story to my mom the other day and then the guy behind me in line started crying, laughing. And I turned around, he goes, I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh. I'm sorry. And I was like, that's fine. You just say that because I also had a dream that I was at the doctors and they're like, you have little boy hands. Like they diagnosed me with little boy hands. And I was like, all right. Anyhow, all of this has been happening in the same like two week time frame or like one month time frame. And so I'm just getting hit back to back to back. So that's not really going well for me. That's been a little demoralizing. But anyhow, all this is. There's just been a lot going on in my life. Last week I had 15 meetings. I counted it.

20:46
Kieran
I had 15 meetings, I had an exam and I had obviously class all week, work all week. And something else happened last week. Oh, I taught the contra and I was still going to the gyms. Like I literally, like I was just. I'm also working on a project which I just remembered now I have to finish that at some point.

21:04
Julia
For 340.

21:05
Kieran
Yeah.

21:05
Julia
Yeah.

21:06
Kieran
So it's just been. It's just been. For me it's just been.

21:10
Julia
Yeah.

21:10
Kieran
So feeling a little stretched thin, feeling a little tired, maybe a little burnt out. But unfortunately I don't have a choice but to keep going. So yeah, here I stand, I guess. But all will be well at some point in my life between now and then.

21:27
Julia
True. Can I speak my truth?

21:31
Kieran
Yeah, go ahead.

21:31
Julia
Okay. How am I feeling today? I'm in a good mood. The sun is shining, the tank is clean. And I'm feeling good. I like having a little bit more stressed as of late just because, you know, things are picking up academics wise obviously and we have, you know, we've had projects and exams and you know, but I like did pretty well on my first round of exams and like I studied really hard for all of them and I did pretty well. So I like everything did not. Okay, well you say that and then you better than me on the exam. So it aren't. Our ways of measuring success are different.

22:19
Kieran
I just didn't do well compared to what I normally do because they're hard classes.

22:25
Julia
You know, we have different philosophies which maybe is why you're more stressed than I am. But you know, I have to have.

22:33
Kieran
A high GPA for some of my stuff I'm doing.

22:39
Julia
So I'm feeling good about my grades at the moment and I somehow ahead this week. I like turning that project for 340 and I thought one of my things was due last week, but it's actually due this week. So I already did that, which is exciting. And I don't really have any major plans this weekend, so I can, like, have some time. But I am, as I said, stressed about the internship thing. I didn't get that one that I interviewed for, and I had to do one of those, like, hirevue interview thingies on Friday.

23:16
Kieran
I don't like those.

23:17
Julia
I don't either. It's. It's literally for my, like, dream internship. And I, like, just have convinced myself that there's no chance that I'll get it. So. But that's my. That's my own brain talking. But I would really like that. But also that dream internship is going to be at the company where my ex, like, situationship works. So what I wouldn't, like is to actually go into work and see him right every day. But sometimes you got to do what you got to do for the career anyway, so that's kind of going. I'm still getting over sickness, as you can see, in terms of relationships. I went on a date last week and he was like, fine, but it was just kind of underwhelming. And I'm like, I don't know. I was like. I was like, I'll go on another date with him, whatever.

24:08
Julia
But then I had my confidence this weekend, and I was just feeling so, like, I am so everything. Like, I am so passionate about what I do. And, like, I, like, pour my life and soul into, like, dancing and into my friends and into my passion projects and into my work and my career. And why would I want to be with somebody that's underwhelming? And. And like, when you ask them, like, what are your passions? What are your hobbies? They're like, I don't know. No, I, like, I deserve so much more than that. And I, like. And not. I'm not, like, there was no spark. Because for me to have a spark with someone, you have to be, like, you have to have, like, passions and interests and, like, ambitions. Ambitions, like, because I am so ambitious. And like, I would never.

24:56
Julia
I could never date someone that would not dance. They wouldn't even try. Like, I could never. Because that's, like, everything to me. And like, I, like, as you can see, pour my life and soul into the. Literally, like, the contra club. And like, putting on those dances is everything to me. And it, like, genuinely, like, makes me so, like, joyful and like, I. It, like, connecting with people in that way is, like, such a blessing in my life. And how could I ever be with someone who doesn't have Anything like that and has no desire to find something like that. So I'm kind of in having a. An interesting situation with that of, like, I. Like, if you don't. If you have, like, if you can't match me, then, like, I'm not giving you a chance.

25:38
Kieran
Somebody gonna match my freak, right?

25:40
Julia
And by my freak, I mean my whimsy for life. Like, can you match my freak? But also, can you match my passion, my ambition, my drive, anything? And also, if you agree with everything I say. Oh, I hate that. Why can't you banter with me? Why can't you make fun of me? I love to make fun of people. Like, that's what I do.

25:59
Kieran
And, like, Julia learned that she's a bully.

26:02
Julia
Guys, come on, like, take my bullying. No, but, like, I, like, I. I feel like my humor is. I mean, you guys are my humor. If you watch the podcast, I feel like I am pretty, like, witty and dry in my, like, the way that I, like, I don't know, make jokes. And if you can't get that or if you can't do it back, like, if you, like.

26:25
Kieran
The worst is, like, not even when they agree because, like, they agree. It's when they agree because they, like, just want to, like, make you happy.

26:34
Julia
Yes. And they don't even have an opinion on the subject or. Yeah, an opinion, but it's just like. Like, they just, like, laugh. Like, because they, first of all, they don't get the joke or, like, they, like, won't do it back to me. Like, if I'm poking fun at you and, like, you, like, thinking, then I.

26:47
Kieran
Just feel like a jerk.

26:48
Julia
Well, I don't. I'm just like, why can't you. Why can't you, like, come? I'm like, I'm making a joke. Or, like, am I making a joke about, like, about myself and you, like, don't. Like, I just. I don't even know it. Just, like, I can't. I can't because I've, like, had experiences where I clicked with somebody who gets it. Like, people do get it. They do get me, but I just have been on so many dates lately where they just don't. And. Which is like, fine, we just don't, like, spark like that. But I'm just like, I will not be giving you a second date if you, like, cannot give me anything on the first one, you know? Anyway, so I've been working through that in terms of social life doing well. I was hang out with Serene this week.

27:34
Julia
I'm staying out with Charlotte this Week I'm supposed to finally hang out with Josa and give her cat a bath. She has a naked cat, and I was supposed to give it a bath, like, two weeks ago, but then I got sick, so I couldn't go over there. So I. Hopefully we'll get to do that this weekend. She doesn't have to work and going camping with my friends in April. And I mean, you're gonna be gone this weekend, so that's not really great. But that's all right. It'll give me. It'll just give me some time, you know, just some time to just go and explore and then, you know, do whatever. Probably go dance in a little bit. I need to go dancing, but yeah. Oh. Been going to the gym?

28:14
Julia
Well, I didn't go to the gym last week because I was sick, and then I was feeling sad because I couldn't go to the gym. But went yesterday, and I'm feeling better, and were talking about this. I feel like maybe I talked about it last week on the pod, but I thought, like, going in the gym, like, would potentially make me lose weight, but because we're lifting, I'm gaining muscle, which means I'm gaining weight, which is fine because I'm gaining muscle, and I love it, and I love being strong and, like, I'm actually so proud of it. Like, I won't shut up about, like, how I'm, like, I can lift heavier each time I go, blah, blah. But sometimes I still, like, will get on a scale and look at the number and be like, but see, and we've talked about this before.

28:56
Julia
I, like, back in the day, I used to have a really horrible body image, like, perspective, and I used to, like, really, honestly, like, hate the way I looked. And that was for a variety of reasons, for the society that I grew up in, for the way the people around me would talk about their bodies or, like, make comments about my body or tell me what I needed to do to, like, better and, like, I don't know, whatever. Like. Or, like, make assumptions about my health because of the way that I look. And that was really hard. And I was low key, so insecure for a really long time and hated the way I looked. And. But then I don't really know what happened. It took a lot of years of work to get to where I am now, which is. I actually zone.

29:53
Julia
Like, I don't feel negatively about my body most days. Like, sometimes I wake up and I'm like. But most of the time, it just doesn't Even cross my mind. Like, I doesn't even, like, I don't even think about it. Like, I don't go to the gym because I'm trying to lose weight. I was like, that would probably be a byproduct of going to the gym. But I go to the gym because I low key think it's so fun. Like, set me up at a squat rack. I'm about to have some fun. Like, I'm about to lift a weight. You know, I just think it's. I just think it's awesome. And I love, like, being strong and building strength and like, working towards something.

30:27
Julia
It makes me feel good and has nothing to do with my body or this, like, the state of, like, how I look or like the amount of, I don't know, squishiness I have on me because as we have discussed, I'm a curvy baddie. So that's never gonna go away. Like, I'm always gonna look like that because that's the way that I was made to look. And lowkey, I'm sexy as hell, so I really have no problem with that. And now I have muscles. I'm a muscle mommy. And it's like, really a win in every department.

30:59
Kieran
I. Five minutes later, I chime in.

31:04
Julia
I actually. Wait, wait, just right before you chime in, one quick vocal stim. My first pinayata. Okay, go ahead. Sorry, that's been really stuck in my head. Go ahead, speak your truth on your body.

31:20
Kieran
I have a very negative relationship with my body.

31:23
Julia
It's true.

31:24
Kieran
It. Okay, I don't think I like that you just commented on it like, that.

31:30
Julia
We're working. We're working on it.

31:35
Kieran
This is not a topic I'm very comfortable with talking about. And I also don't want to make the episode very depressing, so.

31:43
Julia
Well, no, it doesn't, like, matter, actually. That does not matter. Like, this is. The whole point of this podcast is to talk about things that, like, we're like, well, we shouldn't talk about because we don't want to like, speak your truth because this is important and literally everybody goes through this.

31:57
Kieran
So I have a very negative relationship with my body. And I always have. It's my one red flag.

32:04
Julia
My only red flag.

32:07
Kieran
It kind of is, though, because I. It's such a large part of my life that it drives a lot of my life, if not all of it. There's a running joke between some of my friends that is funny because it's true, but it is also kind of sad that they never really see me dressed up, or if they do, it's for a very short amount of time, because then I'm immediately like, okay, can I go change? And I like, that's true. It's true. Like, especially, like, at Galentine's or, like, a Tanner's party. Like, I have people come up to me, like, this is the longest amount of time I've ever seen you in, like, a nice. Like, an actual, like, outfit before. You, like, immediately went and changed because you're always looking, like, change out of it.

32:48
Julia
Which is true.

32:50
Kieran
And it's just because I genuinely and from the bottom of my heart, hate the way that I look in nicer clothes. And I've had a very difficult relationship with my body. Growing up, I was put into a lot of those, like, fat kid weight camps. Not like camps, but, like, programs, I guess. And I was always bigger. I. Julia was the first person that I ever found in life who looked similar to how I looked. Not to say that I hate the way Julia looks, because I know that's exactly what that sounds like. I've talked about this, how Julia has been an inspiration for me.

33:27
Julia
So.

33:29
Kieran
But, like, growing up, I never had friends who are even remotely like, I'm bigger than Julia is. So, like. Like, there is, like. Let me make that clear. I am bigger than Julia is. Like. So let me just. Let me get off my. Let me just clear the air. All of my friends growing up were very skinny, very thin. Like, always have been. Like, and that was for pretty much my entire life. Like, all of my friends. And then they would be like, I feel so big. I feel so large, bro. I'm so big. And it literally. And I was like, what. What am I? They're like, no, you're so pretty. You're so beautiful. Like, I don't believe you.

34:11
Kieran
If you're saying all these negative things about yourself and you're quite literally a quarter of the way that I am, what does that make me? Like, I'm a monster. Like, that's, like, that's what I would call myself. I thought I was monstrous because I was like, what in the world? And, like, you know, I. Have you ever seen the movie duff?

34:30
Julia
No, because I don't support that, but. Right. I know the concept.

34:34
Kieran
For those who don't, it's the phrase duff. Duff means designated ugly fat friend. And the whole movie is about this girl who has, like, two really hot best friends. And, like, all the guys always go to her to, like, try and get with her friends. And, like, no one ever really Likes her, but she's like the fat funny friend and blah. That's who I was growing up. I was the fat funny friend in all of my groups. And, like, none of my friends ever on purpose made me feel that way. That was just like, kind of just how it became. And, you know, like, my doctors would always be like, maybe you should eat a little bit less. Maybe you should, you know, go run a little bit more.

35:06
Kieran
And I always may be angry because I was like, why do I have to work so hard to be accepted when this is just how I am naturally? Like, I was like, I don't eat. Like, I wasn't allowed to have anything sweet until the weekend. So there's only like two days a week I was eating ice cream or something like that. Like, and my mom was very health conscious growing up, in a good way, not like a controlling way. So, like, we would have very balanced meals. Like, you know, like, whatever. And so for the most part, I ate pretty well. Like, I didn't eat very badly. And I was very active growing up. I played a bajillion sports and I played volleyball for eight years.

35:39
Kieran
And I was in the, like, the volleyball gym, like, six hours a week, if not more, because I was also doing practice for like two and a half hours twice a week. But then I was also doing, like, intensity, like high intensity trainings throughout those days. But then also, like. And then also. And then also. So, like, it wasn't like I was just sitting at home and I was like, I'm still large and it's a lot of. It is muscle. But, like, when I go to the doctors, they would tell me I was obese. They're like, you're ob. Like, your BMI is like literally of like a.

36:05
Julia
That. Okay, that has literally been scientifically proven to be bs. Like, BMI is not, like, it is not accurate. Like, you can, like, you know, like when you go to the gym, there's like, people that are like, clearly, like 100 muscle.

36:21
Kieran
Yeah.

36:22
Julia
Their BMIs will also say that they're.

36:24
Kieran
Obese, but unfortunately, because they look like they're clearly muscle, it's fine. I don't look like I'm clearly muscle, and that's fine. It's just by proxy. My doctors don't really ever believe me. And so I always get the, maybe you should drink more water. Maybe you should work out more.

36:39
Julia
That's ludicrous.

36:40
Kieran
And like, even when I went. I went to the doctor recently, literally yesterday for something else, and I got in my car and I like actually cried on the way over to go like, or not like cry, but I was just like teary eyed the whole way because it was just like, well maybe you should be eating more fiber and you should have a more balanced diet and you should be. And like I like told my mom and she was like, well maybe you should just do more cardio. Like in a supportive way. That was not my mom like bashing on me, but like it was just like I already walk three miles a day and I go to the gym for an hour five days a week. And also I'm eating meal planned meals. Like my breakfast is a bagel or oatmeal.

37:15
Kieran
My lunch is a deli container with rice and chicken.

37:19
Julia
Like, true.

37:19
Kieran
What else do you want me to do? But like, I don't want to make my life awful. Like I don't want to sit here and eat squash. And like I lucky love squash, but I don't want to eat that ever. Like, I want to eat food. Like I want it like I'm in college. I want to be able to like I don't understand why I have to work so hard when there's some people who don't have to work at all.

37:39
Julia
True.

37:40
Kieran
Let me get off my soapbox. But anyhow, I just have a very hard relationship with my body. I don't have a lot of clothes as we know. I wear a lot of the same things. And it like has actually made it worse.

37:54
Julia
Well, that's something we could change.

37:56
Kieran
This is true. I just don't have money, which has been the biggest problem, which is something we can't change. Right? It's, it's a, it's a toggling process. But then I think it also makes it worse that my love life is so bad because like my friends and like will tell me all day long, like, no, you're so beautiful. And even after my friend was like, yeah, this guy would come over and call you fat, she was like, but like she like also got upset because she was like, I don't think that like I, like that's just the kind of person he is. But that's not who I think you are. Like, you know, but it was just like I've been told something along those lines my literal whole life.

38:30
Kieran
Like literally since elementary school, I would go on the monkey bars and this kid would come up to me and said, I'm surprised you're on the monkey bars because you're so heavy. I thought you would just fall off. I Was like seven. I was seven. I got kicked out of running club twice because they said I was too fat or that I was too slow. Isn't that the point of running club is to learn how to run? And then like, Kieran likes to walk when she warms up.

38:50
Julia
Hello. It's a warm up.

38:50
Kieran
It's a warm up. And I'm eight. Like, what?

38:55
Julia
Oh, my God.

38:56
Kieran
I can never find clothes that fit me. I can never go to a lot of things because. Or like, I can, but I just. Sometimes I won't go to things because I don't have the right outfit for it or, like, I hate. I don't have a single photo of me from prom, either of yours that I went because I cried both times because I hated how much I looked. And so I deleted every single photo and now I don't have any, which kind of sucks. I kind of wish I had photos from it, but I hated how I looked. And I think it just sucks that, like, in college I was like, wow, I'm gonna have. I'm go to school. So many people. Like, I'm gonna be swarmed. Like, I'm just gonna be, like, encompassed by love. Like, blah, blah, Wrong.

39:35
Kieran
Still have yet to go on a date. Still have yet to really be with anyone. In my second. I'm now two years into college and I'm graduating early, so I'm cutting myself a year short. So I'm missing out anyways.

39:45
Julia
Anyhow, there is no. There's nothing.

39:48
Kieran
There's no time. There's no timeline. And that's what I have to remind myself. And everything is fine. Everything is great. Everything is lovely.

39:55
Julia
Well, that said, that does have to be true. But, like, time doesn't stop when you graduate. Literally, you just.

40:00
Kieran
It's true. It just becomes a little bit harder because you're not in a pool of 40,000 people anymore.

40:04
Julia
That's true. But we also go to the same places every single day, so it's not. We're seeing the same people over and over anyway, even though we go to school now. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. I growing up, as I said, had a lot of similar issues. And my. I have the same, like, body type as my mom. And I have a sibling. Right. And my sibling is older than me, has going to go ahead and would say probably the opposite body type for me. Would you concur on this fact?

40:37
Kieran
Yeah, they're a little taller and thinner.

40:39
Julia
A little. A lot thinner, I would say. Yeah.

40:44
Kieran
And.

40:46
Julia
That was hard for Me growing up. Because, like, it will.

40:52
Kieran
I don't know.

40:53
Julia
I always idolize my sibling because they're older than me, and I'm like, wow, they're so cool. Like, I want to be like them, whatever. And so that kind of. I was like that in the way that they look too. I was like, oh, they're like, I want to look like that, whatever. But I can't look like that. I will never look like that. And also now I don't want to look like that. I can't. Like, I.

41:16
Kieran
That's just nothing against them.

41:18
Julia
No, I just, like, I have no desire to look that way anymore. Like, I just, like, that's just not what I'm meant to look like. But I like, okay, picture this. One of my parents will remain unnamed. I only have two, so you could probably guess 50. 50 was really. And is still really into going for walks every single day. And which is great. And I go for a walk every single day now because I have to, because I live on campus. But this parent of mine would always force me to go on a walk every single day with them.

41:55
Kieran
That happened to me, too.

41:56
Julia
Yep. But not my sibling. And I like, hello, who's this texting me? Oh, anyway, so that's kind of hard for me because that behavior was kind of reinforcing my own belief that, like, I am unhealthy because I look the way that I look and so that I need to, like, work out and do all this stuff. I was 11 or 12, you know. No, that's not like, let me live, you know, I just look this way because I look this way, like, and that was really hard for me. And I, like, I don't know. That kind of was one of the driving reasons that I had a really hard relationship with my body. And I had a hard relationship with food, too, especially in middle school. I, like, low key, did not eat like I like. I. And still I look the same way.

42:48
Julia
So it's like, hey, further proof that it's not. Like, this is just, like, my body. Like, I would not eat and then I would. I would still look like this because this is how I'm supposed to look. So, you know, whatever. So it took a while for me to overcome the not eating thing and the. I need to work out more than my sibling because they're just naturally healthier than I am because they're skinny. And I just need to, like, figure out how to be skinny like them. And, like, obviously my parent thinks that I need to do that, so I need to do what my parent says because they're an adult and they like want me to be healthy and to be healthy I have to be skinny like that. That's BS And I like, that's just dumb. That's just dumb.

43:29
Julia
I like, I'm not, I am made the way that I'm supposed to be made. Like there is no difference for me. I like, I am like, this is just me and I also am healthy. Like, bottom line, I take very good care of myself. And obviously now I've gotten to the point for a while after I overcame the major body image issues, I just didn't really work out at all because I was like, well, I'm not doing. You can't make me do that. I'm not going to do it. It's not fun. Like, I don't need to be skinny like that. So I'm not gonna work out. But like now I've gotten to the point where like low key, it's fun. Like it brings me joy and it makes me feel strong and like good to work out and like lift weights and do cardio.

44:24
Julia
It like makes me happy and it's not because somebody else is telling me that I need to lose weight or like I feel like I need to lose weight is just because I feel like good and also stronger. I am better dancer. I am so having dancing is like motivation is makes it a lot easier for me. And also dancing in itself is cardio, which is, let me tell you, tears my body up. Yeah, my back was hurt after Saturday night, but any which way, it's a long journey and it never low key ends because I still have days and like periods of time where I'm like, oh Lord. Like I'd like every time. I don't get on scales anymore very much. But I did discover one in the gym and I was like, well, let me see what's up here?

45:06
Julia
And I stepped on it and I was like, oh. So the muscle actually is like, I'm gonna go be adding on there. Yeah, right.

45:13
Kieran
And that always gets me at the doctor. It always does. I lost �40 when I came to college because I was not eating and I was walking a lot.

45:23
Julia
The saltines.

45:24
Kieran
The saltines. But like I've always been one to be prone to grow muscle. Like, which I guess is a good thing. It's, it's very easy for me to gain muscle.

45:34
Julia
It's true. You are like very strong.

45:36
Kieran
I.

45:37
Julia
We looked at the gym. Queen is like going town.

45:42
Kieran
I will say I'm Pretty muscular in the sense of, like, obviously you can't see it, but, like, I. Sleeper build, but I am prone to being very muscular. But that's always been, like, a thing of mine, like, since I was a kid. And so, like, I was 100, like, 50 pounds by the time that I was in fourth grade. And then I.

46:06
Julia
Wait, I think when you said when you were born, you're �21.

46:09
Kieran
Oh, I was. I was trying to explain to Julie yesterday that I came out as a very healthy, in full baby. And what I meant to say. That I was 21 pounds. No, I. That I was 21 inches and like nine and a half pounds. But instead I said I was nine and a half inches and 21 pounds.

46:31
Julia
21 pounds.

46:32
Kieran
Like, my mom would have died. My mom would have actually split wide.

46:37
Julia
Open,

46:39
Kieran
Worn a literal boulder. No wonder she had a C section.

46:47
Julia
I was also a C section baby.

46:49
Kieran
I was. Yes, I was a C section baby. I had my hand on top of my head and I refused to put it down. So they would, like, push it off and then I'd put it back up.

46:57
Julia
And then they were like, it was too bright.

46:59
Kieran
No, I. Yeah, it was too much effort. They're like, you gotta go through that. And I said, absolutely not. I said, I will not be going through that. You can be out.

47:07
Julia
You could go. Yeah, I said, and take me out. No.

47:09
Kieran
Option two. Thank you.

47:13
Julia
But anyway.

47:14
Kieran
But anyhow, I was gonna say something that. I don't remember what it was, but it's getting. Let me end on a higher note. Sorry, guys.

47:23
Julia
So I apologize. This is a safe space.

47:27
Kieran
Oh, I'm thinking of the higher note I want. It's not as bad as my.

47:35
Julia
My.

47:36
Kieran
My outlook on myself is not as bad as it used to be.

47:38
Julia
Yay. In.

47:41
Kieran
If we're comparing it to the worst it ever was, it is not that.

47:43
Julia
Yay.

47:44
Kieran
It's only a little bit above that, but. But it is above, and so that's fine. And I'm learning to love myself more every day.

47:57
Julia
I like that.

47:58
Kieran
And I think your life will become a lot easier when you do too, if you don't already.

48:05
Julia
So get into that.

48:06
Kieran
Yeah. You are beautiful in every single way. Words can't bring me down. They definitely can, but it's true. Stones may break my bones, but words.

48:22
Julia
But chains and whips excite me. Perfectly. Good at it.

48:32
Kieran
Yeah. What time are we at? Did we talk about that for, like, an hour.

48:34
Julia
So we are at 48 minutes. Let's do a quick notes app.

48:37
Kieran
Oh, I know what My notes app.

48:38
Julia
Is I wrote one down, but I can't remember what it was.

48:40
Kieran
Okay, I'll do mine while we're waiting.

48:42
Julia
Oh, yeah. Okay, I have mine.

48:45
Kieran
My notes app. Is that something that I've learned to enjoy as I've gotten older? POV I'm literally only 19, but something I've learned to enjoy as I've gotten older is hummus.

48:54
Julia
Oh, I love hummus.

48:56
Kieran
I used to be a big hummus hater. Well, okay, so this kind of goes back into this whole body thing. But when I was younger, my mom used to feed me, like, peppers with hummus for lunch. Like, that was all I was allowed to eat.

49:05
Julia
Well, when you eat that much, it, like, is like.

49:08
Kieran
And then one time in, like, the third grade, I opened up my hummus cup and it was moldy.

49:12
Julia
Oh, my God.

49:13
Kieran
And then I immediately hated hummus after that.

49:14
Julia
But for real.

49:16
Kieran
But I also just, like, never really liked hummus that much. Like, it just, like, I don't like the taste of it that much. And I was like, recently. And by recently, I mean, like, literally a few days ago, I was like, at this place and one of the options to put on my bowl was hummus. And I was like, let me get some of that. Put a little scoop on there. And it was delicious. And I'm low key being turned around on hummus.

49:34
Julia
I love our roasted garlic hummus.

49:37
Kieran
I love a chickpea. So, like, I don't know why I wouldn't like hummus, but as I've gotten older, I've learned to enjoy hummus more. That's kind of how I was with pineapple as well. I used to really not like pineapple. And then I went through a phase where I was like, Like, I had to have burns.

49:53
Julia
My whips.

49:54
Kieran
Yes, it does. It does eventually hurt my stomach or my throat at some point.

49:58
Julia
Yeah.

49:59
Kieran
But I do love pineapple now. But, yeah, I was. I was just thinking about that because I was like, I used to be a hummus hater, but now I kind of. Now I kind of turned on to it. I'm liking it a little more.

50:09
Julia
I like that. Yeah. Oh, the thing that I wrote down in my notes that I was like, oh, I should share. This is Saturday night after I got home from my confidence. I was laying in my bed and my ears were ringing, but they weren't ringing. And like, just like a ringing. It was the sound of a mandolin. My ears. And I was like, stop laying here.

50:32
Kieran
Like, but I like world's tiniest violin.

50:36
Julia
Yes. There was a tiny mandolin in my earball. And it was playing and it wouldn't stop. And I was like, so what am I supposed to do about this?

50:44
Kieran
That happens to me all the time now with the phone that rings at work. I listen to the phone ring so many times that I just hear it now. Like sometimes I'll be like. But I'll be like outside. I'm like, why would there be a business office?

50:57
Julia
What can I do for you?

50:58
Kieran
No, my customer service voice is crazy.

51:00
Julia
It true.

51:02
Kieran
Very, very up there.

51:04
Julia
Yeah. So mandolin was inside my head. Also got the same band for the next dance because let me tell you, that mandolin player. Let me tell you a little something about this mandolin player. This mandolin player is probably the most baddies individual I've ever come across in my life. Okay. Very Patty, very bad. So then I did move forward with following him on Instagram and he followed me back. So I'm feeling really positive about that. But he is definitely approaching his 30s, so I'm feeling a little negative about that point. But it's okay. We rise and we move forward and I want him so bad. Anyway, hope you guys have a lovely day.

51:43
Kieran
Make sure to follow us on Instagram and DM us. Any questions or topics that you to want. Want to hear about TWTS pod. Our individual TWTS pod. Our individual accounts are linked in the bio. Lots of exciting things on the horizon.

52:05
Julia
I'm sure we don't know what they are, but they're probably there.

52:08
Kieran
There's something coming between now and then. Well, yeah, you know what?

52:16
Julia
We're here to tell you the truth.

52:18
Kieran
Because they don't always get it right. Bye guys.