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In this episode, Dani talks about change & attempts to help us all fear change less.
For links & recommendations, view full episode notes.
Dani is honest and refreshing in her takes on the world and society. Listen as she explains how she’s come to understand the world through kindness, both towards ourselves and everything else.
[0:00] Hey there everyone! Welcome to Understanding Kindness, I’m your host, Dani! Today I’m gonna be talking to y’all about a topic that I’ve been pondering a bit as of recently; mostly because I’ve been asking questions about it and want to work through some of the ideas I have with you here. This illusive topic that I’ll be discussing with you today is change. Something we can all relate to in one way or another. I’m hoping my perspectives and thoughts on the subject will help us all out by the end of this. So, as we say, without further ado, welcome to this episode of Understanding Kindness.
[0:36] (Theme).
[0:42] For today’s Native segment, I want to talk a bit about the word Native or Indigenous. You see, before I started learning about Indigenous culture and history, my only exposure to them was of knowing the term “Native American” from my schooling. I understood that they were the people who Christopher Columbus encountered when he set foot on this soil that I’m occupying now. That was pretty much it. I did not understand the term Native American, I did not understand that the word native really meant someone who is originally from a land. I just understood it as a name for the people who live on reservations and all was good with them now. So, from beginning to learn about the actual history of the land I’m occupying currently, I learned what the words native and indigenous really mean. Living with the land. Just as there are native plants and species to a place, there are native people to a place, and the Natives of this land are still here, living with the land, and their rights and sovereignty are being infringed upon daily. A key element is that each group of Native peoples are native to a specific area they inhabit, and they fight for causes that are related to the specific areas they inhabit. I’ve mentioned some work by Indigenous groups happening in North America or Turtle Island (like MMIWG2ST) and some work that is more specific to a particular region (like the Line 3 resistance in Minnesota, or through the Anishnaabe territory). I will continue to share work being done throughout the continent, also called Turtle Island, as well as in specific regions. If there is work being done locally to you for Indigenous rights or sovereignty, please feel free to reach out to me so I can look into covering it here and bringing awareness to it. If you hear about something on this podcast going on locally to you, please support it in any way you are able. Natives are fighting, not just for their rights and sovereignty, but also for the health of Earth and of us all because they understand that we are all part of an ecosystem, and the health of each of us, each part of that ecosystem, is important and essential to the health of the whole, of us all. Support Natives, especially those who are native and local to the area you’re occupying. Remember that all of us who are not Natives of the lands we’re occupying are visitors.
[3:08]{Singing} *Shooouuuuut-Ooooouuuutttttsssssss*
Well, well, well look who it is! It’s the sponsors of this podcast- our patrons! Thank you both so much, from the bottom of my heart!
Aaaaaand, we’re back.
[3:26] So what have my thoughts on change been recently? What is the question that brought about this idea to create a whole episode of this podcast on? The question I asked myself was, why do we fear change? From everything I’ve been learning about over mostly the last year or so, but I guess technically my whole life, change is gonna happen whether I welcome it and I want it to happen, or not. Change is gonna happen whether I kick and scream and try to do everything in my power to avoid the change, or not. So, why is change something that we fear? It seems too that it is specific types of changes that bring about this fear in us. If we look around us, everything is literally changing all the time, from one millisecond to the next. Everything is new and different in the next second than it was in the previous second. We, with our extremely limited eyesight and way of sensing the world, may not be able to see all these changes, but they are happening. We accept that the weather will change from one day to the next, heck lots of times from one minute to the next! We accept that day will turn to night and night back to day. We accept that plants grow and life continues, and things change everyday. These are the changes that I think go unnoticed by most, and therefore unrecognized in their power to us
[5:00] We’re able to accept these changes without a second thought. And why is that? My thought process is that we see these as things that we cannot change so we accept them and move about our lives living with the change as we do. We bring an umbrella when we’re expecting a cloudless morning to change into a rainy afternoon. We begin to turn on lights in a room when we see the day’s sunshine turn to the moon-glow of the night. In many ways we welcome change too, when we water our plants and give them love and sunshine. We anticipate that our efforts will bring about the change we so hope to see, in the flourishment of our plants in the future. So now I ask, how can I apply this thinking to the kicking and screaming changes? The changes that cause us to be so fearful in life.
[5:51] How are these changes the same as each other? How are they different from one another? In my mind, there are no differences between these changes. The only difference is in our minds. We have no control over what happens around us. The only control we have is over our minds. Since we have no control over what can change, besides our thinking, we must understand that there is no distinction between things that we can change and things that we cannot. There is no difference between the change in the weather and the changing of a relationship, or the changing in another person. You will never be able to control anyone or anything, but yourself. Therefore, focus on the one thing you can change. Your thoughts and your actions, the choices you make. Understand that since you cannot change others, you must accept what changes come, no matter what they are. That is your only choice if you want to live a happy life. If you want to live a life free from anxiety, free from depression. Roll with those waves, there’s no stoppin em.
[7:04] My friend, Jazz, was telling me something she heard the other day: we attract the things we fear. I thought to myself, okay, but what about once we get past those fears, what then? And as I thought for a bit longer, I realized that the adage is always true, even once you get past the fears, because when you fear nothing you attract nothing to be feared. When we welcome change because we understand that that is our only option, we do not fear it, we can be at peace, we can have joy. When you are fearing change, do you find joy in those moments? Peace? I’m guessing not. It’s rather difficult to be enjoying or at peace while we’re in the middle of fear. But that doesn’t mean that we cannot be at peace with our fears. Remember that the only thing you can change is your own thinking, remember that you can choose to follow one thought and not the other. You can choose to act on one thought and not the other. We can look at change and say, “I know you, you’re always here and I deal with you everyday, all day, you’re not scary. How will I adapt to this change? I know that I can because I’m always adapting to change.”
[8:34] And that’s another thing I have been thinking about in accordance with change. We know that we’re one of the most adaptable species on Earth, so why are we fearing change? It’s built into us. Every part of us is adaptable. We need to learn to embrace it. We are meant for it. We are built for change. Change is good for us. We need it. It helps us grow, it helps us learn, it keeps life interesting. Try to see change as opportunity for growth, for learning; see change as interesting, instead of terrifying. This shift that I’ve made in my mind, to look at change as a teacher, has helped me in so many ways.
[9:02] Earlier in the pandemic, back in August my mom and I found out we had to move. We had lived together as adults in a town house since my senior year of college in 2016. We loved living together, at least I loved living with her. I’m sure she loved it too, I’m just being funny. I’m a great roommate. Because of our situation, we ended up moving away from each other, she into her own apartment and me into Jorge’s place. This was a big decision for me since Jorge and I weren’t planning on moving in together any time soon at that point, especially during a pandemic. Instead of seeing it as my only option though, I saw it as full of opportunities. Jorge’s parents speak Spanish mostly, so I saw this as a great way to improve my Spanish, and it has! I saw it as a way for Jorge and I to work on our communication and get to know each other on an even deeper level, and we have! I saw it as an opportunity for Jorge and I to support one another in our respective endeavors and create a cycle of reinforcement, and we have! There were a few more things that I saw as opportunities in this big change in my life and just by viewing them in that way, as a way to make myself uncomfortable and forced to grow rather than just ways to make me uncomfortable, I’ve managed to make them a reality. It’s definitely been difficult at times and a lot of work, but I am so grateful for this opportunity and for all the things that I’ve gained from choosing this viewpoint.
[10:54] And it’s just that, it’s choosing. Whether we know it yet or not, whether we understand it yet or not, when we fear change, we are choosing to fear change. Begin to shift your thinking and you begin to shift your choices and you begin to shift your actions and you begin to shift your life.
[11:21] Before I end, I want to talk a bit about uncomfortability for a moment, because uncomfortability accompanies change. When change happens we feel uncomfortable. That will never change, ironically. Change is uncomfortable because it’s different. No matter how long you’ve been working on changing your mindset to view change in a different way, it is still uncomfortable when it happens. The key is in the changing of your mindset though. It’s not just a shift that happens and then we never feel uncomfortable again. It’s a welcoming of the uncomfortability. It’s a welcoming of making mistakes. It’s a welcoming of growth, of learning, of opportunity. We become more accustomed to this uncomfortability in this act of welcoming, of gratitude for its presence. We cannot change the things that we cannot change, but we can change our mindsets in how we view the change. That is really the only thing we are able to change, and therefore the most powerful thing we can do. Choose to view things differently. You have that ability, and with that act of choosing to change your mindset you will change your life and you can change the world. Once we understand that changing our mindsets is the only thing we actually have control over, we can see that spreading this message of a simple change in mindset is the only way to change the world. This will help those around us prepare for and welcome the inevitable changes in their lives and in the world. And we can all do it!
[13:05] Change is apart of us. Change is apart of everything. We must learn to embrace it, or else it will debilitate us, both individually and as a species. We all come from people who knew this, many of us have just forgotten it. We need to show our fears that they do not hold power over us because we can roll with the waves of them. It is difficult in the beginning, and it can be overwhelming at times. We have each other to help us through those times. If we spread the message of the power in changing our mindsets, we will have a community of others who are there learning and growing with the changes with us. We can choose to do that. We can choose to change our mindsets, and we can choose to spread this message to help others. And in the end, it will all be a lot easier.
[14:00] {Singing} *Recommendaaaationsssss*
I didn’t actually recommend any specific sources in this episode. So, I guess generally what I’m recommending today is to embrace change and start shifting your mindsets. That’s probably, actually, the most powerful recommendation that I’ve given thus far. Heed this one!
[14:29] If you enjoyed this episode, help support the podcast! All this content is free and I’d love to make it my job one day, so if you’re financially able join our patreon or send a one-time or recurring donation through paypal! You can also share an episode with family or friends, and give UK a kind rating and review!
Check out UnderstandingKindness.com for all episodes, transcripts, and blog posts. And why not take a listen to my other podcast, Better When Awkward, co-hosted by my childhood best friend Jasmine!
Get in touch with me by emailing UnderstandingKindness@protonmail.com, or through social media. You can find all links in the episode notes.
For now, be kind, be compassionate, be understanding, and question everything. I’ll be here. Thank you for listening to this episode of Understanding Kindness. [End transcript]