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Beyond The Message is a weekly podcast that dives deeper into the weekend’s teaching. Released after each Sunday service, it offers thoughtful conversation, added insight, and practical reflection to help our community process and apply what they heard. Whether you're revisiting the message or catching up, this podcast is designed to help you go deeper throughout the week.
Welcome to Beyond the Message, the podcast where we take the weekly teaching at Christ Community Chapel and we bring it into your week. Each week we sit down together as friends and we talk, we reflect, we laugh a little bit. We figure out how to live out what it is that we are learning. If you didn't yet hear the sermon, I would invite you to drop down to the description. You'll find a link to it there, watch it, listen to it, and then come back and join in on this conversation today. my name is Stacey DiNardo and I'm joined today by Lana Chilton, by Jimmy Kozy and Holly Diakandru. Welcome, guys. Thanks. Welcome in. So, I want to just say the verse. This is again, more wisdom, more life is the series. It's week four of the series. And let me start off by reading the verse that we learned about in this. And it is Proverbs 18:21. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. So, all about our words. And to start things off, I thought I would just ask if there are words that took place, have been given to you in your life that really shaped you or impacted you negatively or positively. just for a couple of us to share. Share. I mean, I. I can go. I. All my life growing up, I have always heard the phrase, like, wow, you're a lot. And it's not necessarily negative in and of itself, but after a while, you know, I started to think like, I am a lot, which I am. I'm loud. I have a lot of ideas. I'm enthusiastic, I am high energy. but after a while, I think that that became more of a label and an insecurity that I really had to fight. So I would leave places and think to myself, how much was I? Was I too much? I shouldn't have said that. I should have been quieter. You know, I made too much of a ruckus, you know, all of the things. And, what I. I feel like the Lord has done is kind of reminded me like, hey, that attached itself to a fear and an insecurity you already had. And then, you know, what the enemy does is just allow that to completely blows it up and. Yeah, take some roots there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you walk around our atrium this weekend, though, you'll see people who are a lot do a lot of stuff, and it's pretty amazing. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. yeah, mine is probably is sad as well. So, but I think sometimes those are the ones that are the Most shaping. That's right. I do think so. yeah. M. But I had a group of friends when I was younger that I was good friends with from basically third grade on. and so they were the ones where I was like, if. If I was trying to hang out with somebody at school, sit at the lunch table, so on and so forth. It was this particular group of people. And so I, remember very distinctly. It's funny, Joe talks in the sermon about knowing exactly where he was when Coach said what he said to him. And, like, this happened on a Washington, D.C. trip in eighth grade. We were at the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. And, I. With this group of friends, we were moving around the museum, and everybody's trying to get into an elevator to go down a floor. And the elevator was tight. And I remember I was trying to get in, and the one who I thought I was most close friends with looked at me and said, why do you keep following us? Stop. Like, we don't want to be with you. So awful. I don't like this story. No, yeah. No. You know, like, that's eighth grade. Whatever. But I would say that comment has shaped my approach to relationships ever since. Trust. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's awful. Yeah. It's really. I mean, it. I think we. Remember. I could list off and thought of negative one too, because they are so impactful and stick with you and do shape you. But I do think the power of positive words are there too. And so I just know, you know, to kind of turn the corner at least a little bit in that. I think the, Like, my dad always, always would tell me, and it felt nonsensical at the time. And he'd be like, you know, you could be president if you wanted to be. You can do anything. Don't feel limited because you're like, you need to go after whatever it is you wanna do. and now that might have led to me having more confidence than I actually should have, but I do. I mean, again, that does. Stacy once told me that she could beat a mountain lion in a fight to the death. And I would just like to go on record. She might could, Jimmy. She might could. Have you seen a mountain lion? They're big. I've retracted since then. Anyways, we need to move on. But how your dad's come and shaped you. That's right. Are things that we benefit from because of the leader that you've become. So we have m. A mountain. L know. Or if trying to do a mountain lion. It's good. So we're going to talk a lot about words today. and Pastor Joe taught this week. It was week four. I'm going to go through his points, just kind of to recap things to remind us, and then we'll jump in and talk more. So his first point was where words come from. He drew from the passage Luke 6, 43, 45, where it says, for out of the abundance of the heart is where the mouth speaks. And I know that is a passage I go to, I think about often, and use kind of that ladle and bucket prop where, like, the ladle can only bring up what is actually there in the first place. and thinking about our words do come from somewhere and what is produced in our heart. The second point, though, was how words work and the reality that our words have the power to shape every relationship. Our marriage is what our marriage is, in part, at least because of our words, our kids, lives, all of that. It's. We shape or can shape reality with our words. and then the third point, was that words every. The words that everyone needs to hear. And drawing from Luke 15, the lost son, and really the words of that speak of how God feels about us and kind of talking about replacing words that have negatively impacted us, emptying those out and filling us with these words which were being seen, being loved, being forgiven, and having a home. And that. That passage on the lost son just kind of points us to those. So, again, a lot of really, really great stuff in there, and very practical, which this whole series has felt very practical. But to start off, I love the picture of, I think the ladle pulling from the well water, and that it can't pull from what's not there. So what are maybe clues. Let's just talk about that a little bit. But what are clues that our words give us? like that of what is happening in our hearts. How do we know that? What if we find ourselves drawing from a well in our hearts that is not healthy, not good. Yeah, yeah. I think of when I hear Luke 6:45. Is it like. I think of how, you know, like, we all have an engine light that comes on to go. Something's going on underneath that you need to look at. Just ignore that. Ignore the check engine light that go. Yeah, that's one option. but how our words are an indicator of what's going on inside of us. And that might be an indication of insecurity, of envy, of selfishness, of. I mean, there's. Or of. Of graciousness of the work of the spirit in us. And so, yeah, I think of words like an indicator light of what's going on inside us. I think there were two, two things that came to mind to me when I was thinking about this. The first is, the idea. I'm pretty sarcastic, and I think you are. Yeah. You guys. Okay. Okay, now we are. But I think, sometimes only I know when that sarcasm has crossed over from me being lighthearted and messing around to. I actually mean what I'm saying. I'm just not saying it, in the right way. And then I forgot what the other thing I was going to say was. So we're moving on. But do you think. I think a question, though is, what if you. I don't know. What if you can't identify it in yourself? Right. I think a good indicator is what happens when you're under pressure. Okay. So I think when you're not under pressure, you know, I can be very controlled. Right. So I can be controlled. I can think, about what I'm going to say. I can be on. And then when things go haywire, when something is stressful or. Or something in my life falls apart and there's pressure, then what flows out is harder to stop it. It's harder to control it. And so maybe that's the indicator when things are not right. That's great. I'm remembering my youth pastor. He preached a sermon called what's with the bump, Chump? And it was. Yeah. it was what was out of Us. That was the title of the sermon. I think it was it. But it stood out to me so much because it was convicting. Because in those years. What's with the bump? What's the bump? Well, the bump was the friction, the stress, the pressure that we wanna blame everybody else, maybe the circumstances around us when things come out of us that aren't good. But really those external things just caused the overflow of our heart. What came out of us is actually between us and God. Yeah. I remember what I was gonna say earlier. So the other thing that happens with me is that, if my heart is not in a good place, then I leak elsewhere. Yeah. And Emily, my wife, can. She can notice it and she will point it out. And I think she knows when I'm a little bit off kilter. But I think that is usually an indication for me. Like if I am saying something that I don't mean, or if one of my kids does something and I react in a way that's disproportionate. To the what's actually happening level of whatever they did. Then that's usually the check engine light, so to speak, of like, you spilled water. And I got really mad madder than I should get about you getting water. And I said things that were stronger than I should have said. Yeah. Then maybe I need to take an inventory of where I'm at. Yeah. But I, I find comfort in the idea that, Jesus doesn't just care about, like, the behavior. So he's not like, oh, you leaked, you said the wrong thing. That's the problem. He really is saying, let's get your heart back in the right spot. And I find comfort in the fact that it's not just about a behavior modification. It's about like, hey, we gotta fix the heart posture. Because that is really important. Yes. Yeah. Cause you can say the right things and still have a heart broken. Yeah. And still miss it. Yeah. And that's still easier said than done, I think. How do we get our hearts back? And that could be a whole other discussion. We might even get into that a little bit in this. But, Okay, another thing just to touch on shortly. Like, I think our, our culture now, we are surrounded by more words, more people spilling out all sorts of words than maybe ever before. Do you think we become even, like, careless with our words? Or is everything just loose and out there and what do we do about that? Like, how can we be better stewards of our words too? there are some, some things that came to mind. The first is I think the problem of sin has always existed. Yeah. You know, there's not more sin now than there was 500 years ago, a thousand years ago. I do think one thing that's different about our culture as opposed to previous cultures, is that there are more places to put your words where people can see them and there are less consequences. Uh-huh. Immediately. Keyboard warriors. Unkind words. So, you know, if I'm frustrated with you, I can go on social media in the. At 10 o' clock at night, you're miles away. I can say whatever. And you can't do anything about it except read it and maybe fire back. Whereas, like, you know, it's a joke, but, like, say it to my face if you say those things. And you'd never say those things in person. Yeah. but because of the technology that we, we live and breathe in now with social media and with phones and that, like, this is one of the things that makes me terrified as a parent of an 11 year old because she's getting to the point where she's starting to ask about phones. And I hear, you know, the, like, stories of, like, group text threads just get totally off the rails. And, so. But I think that's. That's what it really comes down to. The sin problem hasn't changed. I think we have more access to words, more ability to say them, and more ability to say them without having to face consequences of them. Absolutely. Well. And you. You see it shaping our culture. Like, that's where I think the whole point of going words have death and life are in the power of the tongue is like, it's. It happens and it's happening around us and impacting us on a bigger level. Yeah, I would say. I mean, one, of the things that I've noticed even, so, like, I. I coach football at the middle school. And, I think that even the way that it's interesting to watch the way that parental interaction has changed where, you know, people will. Are much less comfortable expressing disagreement or anything negative face to face, but then four hours later can fire off the most aggressive email. And it's like, why didn't you just say this stuff when we were having a conversation? But I think another byproduct of the way that our words work now is like, we have lost the ability to communicate interpersonally unless we can type it. And we don't have to deal with the fallout of what we're saying right away, and people just cling to things. So something that is maybe like a moment of anger then becomes like this movement of anger. So, like, I was mad, I said something I shouldn't, but now everybody is involved and everyone wants to, you know, say an opinion. And everyone is on my side. And this one person is like. It's like this concept of secondary, you know, secondary hurt, where, you know, you put something on social media that you're frustrated about that nobody else, you know, 20 years ago, nobody would have ever known that situation. Now everybody. Now everybody's got. Everybody's frustrated for you. And then you might end up getting the situation resolved. But still, they're still mad and yeah, just stop it. Everybody just stop mess. Just make it stop. Life and death, you're gonna shift gears. That's right. Okay. Ambassador Joe said, I think I this quote, right? When we sin, it is not so much breaking the rules of God as it is breaking the heart of God. how. If we could really get that. Let me say that one more time. When we sin, it is not so much breaking the rules of God as It is breaking the heart of God. how should that change our response to sin and ultimately to God if we can really get that truth? yeah, I think we can have a, an initial, you know, go to response of like, oh shoot, I did this thing, I broke it. There's this moral thing and just worried about the rule following nature of things versus like really understanding the heart of God, his love for us and what that does. But anyway, I mean, I don't. Yeah. What came to my mind when you asked that question. And this might be a different angle than I want to hear from you guys too, but the book of James was something God really used in my life early in my following of Jesus because my words were not life giving. And reading in the book of James that what pleases God is a mouth that is made for praise of him and blessing others. But when I use my mouth otherwise that, that is sin. But it's not a breaking of a rule, it's using what God gave me in a way that isn't what he created. And so when it comes to our words, I think recognizing that it's not just that he doesn't want us to say the wrong things, it's that he created us to say life giving things, to give life and to speak life and to, and to praise him. And yeah. So I don't know, that's what came to my mind is like not so much going, oh, I hope I don't say the wrong thing, but what did you make my mouth for? What did you create me to speak? And what kinds of things should be coming from my mouth? Yeah, I mean it changes it from legalism to relationship where it's, you know, God gave us these rules, if you want to use the word rules, because he wants us to flourish or these guidelines, these wisdom. And so when we break that, you know, I think of my own kids where I'm like, I'm not mad when they break a rule. I'm mad because they think that they don't trust that I have that I want the best for them. Right. They think that I'm against them and I'm holding them back from something. It's the same thing with God, right. So when I break a rule, I'm saying, hey, I know better than you. And so I've broken that relationship. When really he's saying, hey, this wisdom, these rules are because I want you to flourish for your good. I think there's another way of going wrong in that same category where for example, with my kids I can tell when they're following a rule, but, they're begrudging about it. And I think, you know, to your point, it's not about following a set of rules legalistically. It's about connecting relationally with a guy who loves you and wants to have relationship with you. And I think, you know, on the other hand, we can do the same thing with God where we're just doing things because we. We want to check boxes. We don't actually believe it's the best thing for us. But it's like, I'm just going to do this because you said to. When that's not really what. What he wants. It's. I mean, God is it. We think about our human relationships. It's the same thing. Like, it's not about a rule that's broken or an agreement that's just been voided out. It's about the reality that how it has hurt the other person and. And just. Yeah, I think for me it's sobering to realize, like, I can break God's heart, I can hurt. Like that is. Not that I have any control of that, but, like, that he cares and loves me so much that when I am not wanting what he wants and not flourishing like that there is this. That relationship is there and that really matters, you know? Yeah. It's like, it's almost a child almost. It almost never occurs to them up to a certain age that that through either their disobedience to a rule or to the way that they speak to their parent, that they can actually. I think there have been times where, you know, in interactions with my own children, they've realized that they actually landed a blow. And it shakes him up because he's like, wait a minute, I thought you were invincible. Right. And I think to hear that it's possible for me to hurt the heart of God by my sin is a pretty sobering thing to think about. Yeah. Yeah. so. And we move on to, like, kind of the four different things that, you know, the words everyone needs to hear. And one of those is I forgive you. When we sin, it is, again, that's the. Not so much breaking the rules, it's breaking the heart of God. But I just wanted to talk about that, about the pattern of asking for forgiveness in human relationships. not just a flippant. I'm sorry. I know. I think this is something that's been really powerful for me to learn more and more to do this well. And yet I think we, in our words, and when we hurt Others, or even in talking to the Lord about that, like, what it means to actually explicitly ask for forgiveness in a healthy and good way. So, I don't know, is that something that any of you relate to or have learned from or. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's. Yeah. We're not just sorry that God doesn't like what we did. We're sorry for what we did. Right. When I sin against you, I'm not just sorry that your feelings were hurt. I'm not just sorry that you don't like what I said to you. I'm sorry that I said the wrong thing to you. I'm sorry I sinned against you, and I need forgiveness for that. Yeah. I think we all need to learn how to really ask for forgiveness. Well. And apologize. I think that, you know, those apologies that are actually not an apology. I'm sorry you're upset. I'm sorry that. I'm sorry if, you're upset. Maybe I should be apologiz. Yeah. I'm sorry you felt hurt. You felt hurt. Yes. Right. Are you guys quick apologizers or slow apologizers? I feel like, Holly, you're making a face, and not everyone's watching this, so. Good. And then. Good thing. My husband's. Same question for forgivers. Are you quick forgivers or slow forgivers? I think I'm very quick to forgive. I am. I think it depends in as far as. I had an interaction this week with my daughter, and as soon as something came out of my mouth, I realized, like, oh, my goodness, that was stupid to say. And in that moment, I was very, very fast to go directly and say, I need your forgiveness. I said this, and I should not have said this, but I think with my husband, I'm not so great. So I think it does change with people, like, depending on my own stubbornness and my own pride or get in the way of certain things. But. But, Yeah, I don't. I'm. I'm very thankful to the Lord for this. I'm not one that I don't hold grudges at. Like, I. I don't. I don't get that. I don't even relate with people that do that. But, yeah, I'm. I'm probably slow to, ask for forgiveness. I mean, I. Not probably. I think I am slow. I think maybe as I get older and maybe I'm. I'm getting better, the Lord's grace is helping me there. but it is a battle, I think, for me, because I want to explain to you where this came from, even if I'm like, hey, I shouldn't have said that the way that I was. Let me tell you where I was coming from. And really, that is about my pride. Right. Because I somehow want to come out, like, still not. Yeah. It's not as bad as it sounded. Right. But, like, real restoration of relationship is me saying, I'm gonna lay my pride down. That's right. Yeah. Like, true repentance is like, I'm just gonna stop, and I'm gonna say, you tell me every way that I've hurt you so that I can itemize and apologize for everything that I've done. Yeah. Which is not easy. Yeah. What about you, Jimmy? I am, a. I'm a. I'm quick to forgive. I think it takes me a long time to admit that I did anything wrong. Yeah. So I'm slow to apologize. Yeah. Yeah. I will try to justify and try to find, you know, an angle that proves why I did the right thing, actually, so. And you did the wrong thing. I think you should. Sorry. To apologize. Yeah. I mean, you can ask my husband and son. I think I. I think I am. Once I realize, like, if I really realize that, yeah, I think I'm. And with others in my life, I think I'm quicker. But with my husband and son, I can be slow to forgive, especially if I feel like you tiptoed through the apology. If I'm like, yeah, yeah. And so then I become real ugly. I can become real ugly. Like, no, no, it's not. Not enough. I need more. I need more blood. You just told me you were sorry for how I feel. How I feel. You know? And I could be a little bit exhausting with that, so I'm growing in that way, too. Okay. Well, that is. I just think that's, something worth mentioning if that's, The practice of explicitly asking for forgiveness when you have wronged someone is really important, I think, in the Christian life. I know it's something that I've been. Yeah. Challenged and, Okay. To wrap things up, I just. I do want to kind of land the plane around those four different things. So God offers. God offers us to be known, loved, forgiven, and have a home in him. Perfectly. if we think about just really embracing that truth, thinking about what that teaches us, practically moving through this next week ahead of us. any. Just words of ideas of wisdom or ways to apply that. I think about Brandy's testimony that Jo shared. So I teared up. Yeah. I was like, oh, I Mean, the first time I heard her story, I sat across from her tearing up. And the reality is she couldn't hold both what her mother told her and what God was saying to her. They both couldn't be true. There had to be an exchange. She had to exchange the lie for truth. And so I think in order for us to receive what God is saying to us, it's almost like taking inventory. Like, if that is true, what is not true, what can I not hold or cling to if I'm gonna cling to that? And, yeah. So that might look different for all of us, but if we're gonna fully embrace that truth. Yeah. Which is the illustration, Jojit, at the end, you're emptying out all these things that are untrue, but you have to take inventory of those things. I think the quicker we can and the more, transparent we can be about taking inventory about where we are either believing lies or speaking lies to ourselves. Yeah. And sometime things come with maturity, too. Like, how many years are we into, following Jesus? And I can sit with any of you and be like, yeah. Recently the Holy Spirit pointed out to me that I've been entertaining this idea about myself that doesn't line up with the Scripture. So I think bringing those things to Jesus, taking inventory, and then not doing the work ourselves, but saying, I am believing things that don't line up with God's word, I need to dump this out and be filled with the truth. I mean, you have to know truth, though, to be able to identify the lies. So I think even you have to start with making sure that you have truth coming in. That's right. Yes. And that other noises are not as loud as the truth coming in so that you can recognize. What do you mean by that? This is a lie. I know. Be super practical. Yeah. I mean, I think it means surrounding yourself, like being in the Word and surrounding yourself with people who are going to speak truth, Truth to you. So that if you get yourself in a season where you are listening to other words that are not life giving, someone is saying, hey, that's. That's not truth. You got to stop. You know, I've had friends say, stop. What you just said is not truth. That's from the enemy. You got to lay that down. You're like, oh, okay. And so you're just making sure that you have people that will do that and that, first of all, that you are rooted in the Word as well. Yeah. I've heard Zach say, turn down the wrong voices. Turn up the right voice. Yeah. Yeah. And the right. The voices that will reinforce the right voice. That's really good, Holly. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. This is a good one. I know each week is gonna be probably more and more practical stuff to talk about, but, thanks for sharing. Thanks for sharing pretty vulnerably today, guys. This has been a little bit of a therapy session as we're talking through our own hurts and wounds, but we're gonna lay them down this week. but, yeah, thanks for joining me. Thanks so much. If you are joining us, for beyond the Message. So glad that you joined us. If before you leave, make sure you go ahead and like and subscribe so that next week you can get pinged with the next beyond the Message. And in the meantime, make sure you check out other resources we have on our app on our website so that you can grow right where you're at. And we'll see you next week.