Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Platinum-selling mix engineer and vocal producer Ali "AMAC" McGuire has worked with artists like Post Malone, Kelly Rowland, Lizzo, and Joji, but achieving success didn't bring the peace she expected.
In this episode of The Work of Warriors, Kim Rapach sits down with platinum-selling mix engineer, vocal producer, and speaker Ali "AMAC" McGuire for an honest conversation about burnout, perfectionism, identity, self-worth, and the hidden emotional cost of success.
After working with artists including Post Malone, Kelly Rowland, Lizzo, Joji, and Murda Beatz, Ali reached many of the career milestones she'd spent years chasing. But beneath the accolades was a relentless drive fueled by perfectionism, people-pleasing, and the belief that the next achievement would finally make her feel worthy.
Instead, she found herself burned out, emotionally exhausted, and forced to ask a deeper question: Who am I if my success isn't my identity?
Together, Kim and Ali explore what it takes to rebuild your life from the inside out, why nervous system health matters for high performers, and how self-awareness can transform the way we live, create, and lead.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why success doesn't automatically create self-worth
- The hidden cost of perfectionism and hustle culture
- How burnout develops in high achievers
- Why identity often becomes tied to achievement
- The importance of nervous system regulation and emotional resilience
- How values and self-awareness create lasting fulfillment
- What it means to build a life you don't need to escape from
Whether you're an artist, entrepreneur, creative professional, or leader, this conversation is a reminder that success shouldn't cost you your peace.
The Work of Warriors is the podcast where artists, creatives, entrepreneurs, and high performers learn how to succeed without sacrificing their mental wellness.
Creators and Guests
Guest
Ali "AMAC" McGuire
Ali "AMAC" McGuire is a platinum-selling mix engineer, vocal producer, songwriter, speaker, and creator of the **AMACulent Mindset**. Throughout her career, she has worked with artists including Post Malone, Kelly Rowland, Lizzo, Joji, Murda Beatz, and Atlantic Records, earning recognition as one of the music industry's most respected audio professionals. After years of achieving the success she'd always dreamed of, Ali realized that external accomplishments could never provide the self-worth she was searching for. Today, she helps musicians, creatives, entrepreneurs, and high performers overcome burnout, reconnect with themselves, and build lives rooted in authenticity, resilience, and purpose. Ali is the creator of the **Inner Compass Framework**, which helps people make values-based decisions, strengthen self-awareness, and pursue meaningful success without sacrificing their wellbeing. She is also the author of an accompanying workbook and music project designed to help others move from survival to self-trust.
What is The Work of Warriors?
Success shouldn't cost you your peace.
Welcome to The Work of Warriors, the mental health podcast for artists, entertainers, creatives, entrepreneurs, and high performers who want to build extraordinary lives without sacrificing themselves in the process.
Hosted by former therapist and nervous system strategist Kim Rapach, this podcast explores the intersection of mental health, nervous system regulation, creativity, leadership, and sustainable success. Through honest conversations with actors, musicians, comedians, producers, executives, entrepreneurs, and other industry leaders, you'll discover what it really takes to thrive both personally and professionally.
Together, we're changing the conversation around mental wellness in the entertainment industry by:
• Normalizing honest conversations about mental health
• Teaching practical tools for nervous system regulation and emotional resilience
• Redefining success to include well-being, healthy boundaries, and authentic leadership
Whether you're navigating burnout, anxiety, creative pressure, trauma, or simply searching for a healthier way to succeed, you'll find practical insights, inspiring stories, and meaningful conversations designed to help you build a life you don't have to recover from.
Because when artists are well, everybody wins.
Thank you for being part of this movement. Together, we're creating a healthier entertainment industry, one brave conversation at a time.
Kimberly Rapach (00:00.896)
Okay, wow, how do I even introduce?
Kimberly Rapach (00:12.366)
Okay, wow, how do I even introduce to you today's Allie McGuire is a platinum winning artist. She had to explain to me what that meant, but she has a platinum of...
Kimberly Rapach (00:30.894)
She is a platinum award winning artist. She is a mix engineer. She's a public speaker. She is a creative coach. She has so much more. She has had so many roles within the entertainment industry. She has had so many roles within the music industry. I can't even regurgitate all of them. She will tell you about that. But what you are going to love most about Allie, also known as a Mac, she is...
Humble, funny, she clearly has a regulated nervous system.
Kimberly Rapach (01:11.34)
She's so kind, but I love most her authenticity and her vulnerability and her transparency about her journey through the music industry.
Kimberly Rapach (01:32.458)
After you hear this episode, you are going to want to follow her.
Kimberly Rapach (01:41.314)
Her journey encompasses what I wish every artist would do for themselves in the way of their mental health.
Kimberly Rapach (01:53.078)
I'm going to let her tell you about it. Welcome Allie McGuire.
Kimberly Rapach (00:06.84)
Hi, Ellie.
Ali AMAC McGuire (00:09.231)
Hey.
Kimberly Rapach (00:11.458)
How are ya?
Ali AMAC McGuire (00:13.339)
I'm good, I'm good.
Kimberly Rapach (00:15.138)
I think with all of the technology issues we just had, I feel like it's gonna be a great conversation. It's gonna be because there were a lot of issues and hopefully there won't be any further, but hey, we're here now.
Ali AMAC McGuire (00:23.365)
Could not be.
Ali AMAC McGuire (00:33.878)
We are.
Kimberly Rapach (00:34.976)
It's so nice to meet you in person. Welcome to the work of warriors. Thank you for being here.
Ali AMAC McGuire (00:39.653)
Very excited to be here. Thanks for having me.
Kimberly Rapach (00:41.876)
Awesome. So, I saw one of your videos where you talked about your success and how everything looked good on the outside, but you were struggling internally. And I, this is like my favorite conversation to have, not that I'm happy that it's very common, but we're just not talking enough about it. And I myself was there as a therapist and had a very successful business and what I had to do to sustain that.
It was soul crushing until I had to walk away. And so I know a lot of artists struggle with that. And so I would love to just hear more in person about your story and if you can kind of unpack what you conveyed in that video, which was beautiful, but I'd love to hear it in person, just what your experience has been as an artist and a producer and all the fun things you've gotten to do and the reality of success, the cost of it.
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:41.197)
Sure, you would just want me to start anywhere.
Kimberly Rapach (01:43.796)
anywhere you want. Well, let's start with what has been your role in the music industry. And then also I'm going to ask if we can try to turn up your volume a little.
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:57.227)
sure. Let me do that. Check, Is that any better?
Kimberly Rapach (02:05.46)
Little louder.
Ali AMAC McGuire (02:07.919)
Check, Okay, great. I will get excited at some point. So yeah, in the music industry, I am a platinum award winning mix engineer and vocal producer, also a songwriter, artist myself. I've worn most of the hats that you can wear. I've been a tour manager.
Kimberly Rapach (02:08.942)
Perfect.
Ali AMAC McGuire (02:38.103)
I've done front of house for audio as well. Half of my career was in live sound. Half of it was in the studio. I've DJ'd, I've sold merch, I've negotiated contracts. You know, I've done it all. I've been a publisher. I could go on, but...
Kimberly Rapach (02:56.297)
Literally you've done it all.
Ali AMAC McGuire (02:59.375)
Well, I still can't play the guitar or the piano, not all of it. How I don't know how to play an instrument is actually kind of insane when you think about it. But what I'm most known for is being an audio engineer and vocal producer.
Kimberly Rapach (03:20.942)
And what like you said award-winning talk a little bit about that. That's not my wheelhouse
Ali AMAC McGuire (03:29.013)
Sure. So do you know what being platinum means? OK, it does sound cool. The record is back there. And so what it means to be platinum means that you have worked on a project that has sold one million units. So that's platinum, and then you have gold, which is five hundred thousand units and in to
Kimberly Rapach (03:33.164)
Not really. Sounds cool.
Ali AMAC McGuire (03:57.371)
Today it's a little different, not that you don't get record sales, but a lot of streaming happens. So I think they actually just changed the guidelines because they love to just continually change things up on artists. But at one point it took 1,500 streams to count as one record sale.
Kimberly Rapach (04:23.032)
Got it. That's the part I didn't really understand.
Ali AMAC McGuire (04:27.577)
Yeah, so that's what it means to have worked on a record that's been, that has a million sales or whatever the equivalent of the streaming and stuff is. So I did that. The record back there is with an artist named Joji. I've also worked with artists like Myrta Beats, Kelly Rowland, Lizzo, T. Grizzly, Post Malone.
I could go on. I've worked with the record labels. I worked at Atlantic Records. I got fired from Atlantic Records. know, just living the dream as they say. Yeah.
Kimberly Rapach (05:16.558)
So what was your experience, I guess my first question would be with all of that experience, what was it like?
to keep that pace. Like what did you have to do? What did you have to do to keep going in the industry to achieve all that you've achieved and to experience all that you experienced?
Ali AMAC McGuire (05:45.197)
an incredible drive for success. I the entertainment industry, mean, just think culture in general celebrates hustle culture so much. And I just bought into that, right? That I just have to work incredibly hard. And not that you don't have to work hard. I just want to be clear that, you know, taking care of yourself does not mean that you don't work.
It just means that you work different. My whole life was based around this outcome that I wanted to have happen. you know, there's a lot of toxic narratives that also go into entertainment. And I think especially the studio of just that, you know, late nights, super late nights, know, there's plenty of nights that I...
didn't get home until 10 in the morning the next day. And, you know, don't get me wrong, like I had some super fun times doing that, but it's just not sustainable because I'd get home at 10, but I'd have to really be awake by noon because I was already booked for the next day. So I was really constantly over booked. Right. And the only days that I took off were the days that I realized I just couldn't get out of bed.
that day because I was so exhausted. I used to have a friend and me and him once a month did what we called beach day. OK, that was our one day off per month. And we really just like we're like, yeah, this one day is totally enough. But also we felt guilty about it the entire time. Right. You know, it's just like.
Yeah, say yes to everything, be everywhere. If you say no, somebody else is going to take this. You'd be in the middle of the grocery store. Somebody calls, you leave your grocery cart and you walk out of the grocery store and you go to that gig. So that would be that.
Kimberly Rapach (07:59.884)
what surprised you the most in that season?
Ali AMAC McGuire (08:06.532)
I mean...
What surprised me the most was honestly like that I was doing it. Like these were lofty dreams that I had for my life that I didn't know if I could do, let alone nobody else definitely ever thought that I was going to be able to accomplish these things. So, you know, I talk about burnout and the first stage of burnout is actually enjoying yourself.
And it's the most dangerous place to be because, you know, you can't believe that this thing is happening to you. Like I couldn't believe that I was getting these calls and all of this was happening to me. And I was like, even I was turning down sessions with people I couldn't believe I was turning down sessions with because I just had other sessions that I was doing, you know. And when you're so excited about doing something, especially
your dream, you step over boundaries or you don't even know in the beginning some boundaries that you need to have. Right. And then just continually going that not even just like the extra mile, the extra 10 miles, you just continually are over your boundaries all the time, all the time. Don't even know that you need them. And then one day you're kind of like, you know, I don't know if I can really.
sustain this, but you feel like you have no option but to sustain it because now it's what everybody knows you for. All of these people rely on you and you don't want to lose this thing you've worked your entire life for.
Kimberly Rapach (09:50.54)
Yeah, well, yeah, there's just such a fear of loss.
Ali AMAC McGuire (09:55.525)
For sure. there's also the narrative of you only have one shot is if there's a lot of toxic narratives that I could throw in the trash, but it's definitely that one of just like you have as many shots as you want to take. And also you can be reliable and consistent, but take some days for yourself. You know, it's also very
Not that I want to, you know, say, hey, we should just like be lying to people. But it's very easy to just say, I could just say, I have a session today. I can't take it. So they don't even have to know that I'm, you know, sleeping, right? Just because I need to sleep. It's like, right. You know, what am I doing? But you kind of have this guilt that if you're not doing something productive. That that is time for other people.
Kimberly Rapach (10:42.062)
brushing my teeth.
Ali AMAC McGuire (10:54.339)
and not just time for your for yourself.
Kimberly Rapach (10:58.798)
What was your, what would you say was your goal that drove you to cross over your boundaries? What was your goal?
Ali AMAC McGuire (11:10.203)
Do you wanna know the goal that I thought it was or the goal that I now know it to be?
Kimberly Rapach (11:14.494)
No, the goal that when you were early on in your career, I don't know, you can share if you want how old you were, but give us a visual of what was going on with you and in your dreams, what were you chasing?
Ali AMAC McGuire (11:30.521)
I just wanted to be the greatest mix engineer of all time. I wanted to be working on all the hit records. I wanted to be the authority in the space of what to do. And I wanted to prove everybody wrong about me, for sure.
Kimberly Rapach (11:52.27)
So you just named three things. How many of those did you accomplish?
Ali AMAC McGuire (12:01.815)
Well, I wasn't the greatest mixing engineer of all time, but I was pretty good. I was definitely a top. mean, I still would say that I'm a top engineer in the field, though I don't work on in that capacity anymore. I definitely got on stages and was the authority and things, and I definitely proved people wrong. So we'll call that two out of three.
Kimberly Rapach (12:29.47)
Well, wasn't the other one getting on a hit record, didn't you say?
Ali AMAC McGuire (12:33.753)
Well, to be like the greatest and to be working on like all of the records in like the the top 10. So, I mean, I see what you're saying. Like, I think that I accomplished. Yeah, I accomplished all of them, but, you know, I guess when I'm thinking about it, it's like I just thought that I was going to get there and that was going to be my whole life, the rest of my life. So I think that's why I say that I didn't accomplish it. And that's OK.
Kimberly Rapach (12:46.146)
Sounds to me like you hit all three.
Ali AMAC McGuire (13:03.663)
Like that's just the way that life went, you know, but I think that's why I say I didn't accomplish it, right.
Kimberly Rapach (13:10.786)
Yeah, and I don't know, I think it's important that we normalize that conversation because oftentimes our dreams are fueled out of a different version of ourselves. And once we accomplish that, we're now a different version. And we might have different dreams and they may be bigger, they may be less visible, but they, you know, let's normalize the idea that we can change and shift. And whether that's, you know, going harder or faster, or whether that's downshifting. But
Ali AMAC McGuire (13:19.899)
Mm-hmm.
Kimberly Rapach (13:40.72)
But either way, it's normal and it's human.
Ali AMAC McGuire (13:44.549)
For sure. You you got to think that when you're a kid, people just ask you all the time, what are you going to do when you grow up? And it really makes it seem like you just have to pick this one thing to do. And then also, when you work for something for such a long period of time, it can be really hard to let go of because also you don't know. how did I?
I had a lot more energy when I was 23 years old to start something new and recreate a whole life. now it kind of like, seems like, that was crazy. But, you know, can I do this again? I'm comfortable here. I know how to do this. I'm really good at this thing. don't, you know, I don't have to start like, you know, from ground zero again. So to walk away from that. But I think we really imagine like that we just do this one thing for our whole life. And we don't think about how
long life is. Life is short, but life is long. And also when you're in your 20s, I just feel like if I can remember my 20s, I just never thought I would be 30. I would never be 30. I was never going to get there. That was so far in the future. It was nothing to ever think about because it was just never going to be me. And then all of sudden,
You know, I'm 37 years old now. It's like, whoa. But this is a I'm a totally this is a totally different version of myself. I'm going to be a totally different version of myself in 10 more years. And what I wish people would teach us as kids, because you're right, we do we do need to talk about this. We don't talk about this. People don't talk about like this longevity of life and how much you're always continuously changing in literally so many different.
ways and we talk about dreams and what are your dreams for your life and this and that and you know the only dream worth living is enjoying your life not accomplishing like an outward thing and anything can happen in life anything can happen in life you never know like when you're gonna decide to make a change or when life is going to decide to make a change for you that you have no choice but to accept and and pivot
Ali AMAC McGuire (16:08.539)
with it and a lot of the times we're just not ready for that. We're not ready for that because we're supposed to have it's this, this, this, this, this, this, and this and that's what we do and then that's life. But that's not life. That's not life. It's a totally made up construct that doesn't really exist for most of us.
Kimberly Rapach (16:11.938)
Yeah.
Kimberly Rapach (16:26.338)
Yep, exactly. And it's really any industry, but especially when...
You are successful. And especially when you're in the public eye to want to shift, to want to change, to want to pivot. There's so much resistance because of all of the conditioning through the constructs, right? Like, and I feel like there's so much internalized guilt or, you know, loyalty to, well, I got this far and this is what I always wanted. And, you know, my family and friends supported me, you know, what will they, you know, and it's like, feel guilty.
when we want to walk away because it's costing us too much. Because the rest of the world sees the success, they don't see the cost.
Ali AMAC McGuire (17:10.875)
For sure. And I think you could also throw identity in there. I think that that's a really big one. That was super hard for me. My only identity was music. And when you talk about, you know, I asked you, do you want to know what I thought it was or what it really was? Right. And proving people wrong was definitely part of it. But also I was searching for my validation and my worthiness. Right. And then I did become, you know, an authority. I became someone to look up to for
for people who were younger than me to learn from. I mentored so many people and all of this stuff. So my identity was so tied into this and I was like, this success is my worth. This is the only reason people are going to want to be around me. So if I have to strip this away, who am I without this? And who cares about me without this?
Kimberly Rapach (18:04.686)
And everybody has something, right, that their identity is wrapped up in. And again, this industry is just wild when it comes to identity.
Ali AMAC McGuire (18:16.293)
For sure, mean, another toxic narrative, welcome to the toxic narratives of, especially when you're in entertainment and in music, music is life. That is a slogan. they tell you, this can be the only thing that you care about. This has to be your entire life. So you make it your entire life. And don't get me wrong, again, it takes thousands and thousands and thousands of hours.
to get really, really good at any kind of craft. You have to absolutely dedicate yourself to doing it. But it does not have to be every single hour of every single day for sure. it doesn't have to, like life is, even when you think that is the only thing that is your life, it is untrue, right? Because life is so many different things.
Kimberly Rapach (19:17.048)
Yeah. So what happened that made you pivot?
Ali AMAC McGuire (19:24.527)
Well, I got the success and I was still searching for more. I was still searching for more and it, you know, the platinum record wasn't enough. The working with artists I grew up with wasn't enough. The working with major labels wasn't enough. Like nothing was enough. sure.
Kimberly Rapach (19:48.6)
Can I ask, I'm sorry to interrupt, can I ask, I'm just trying to visualize. So let's say, okay, you said you worked with Lizzo and Post Malone. What was the inner narrative? You know, you're young, you're an artist, you're successful, and you're working with these other successful, or however, wherever they were at with their careers at the time. What was going on in your internal...
narrative as far as, okay, so you go home after, you know, a date with Post Malone. What was going on in your mind? How did you reconcile that? Did you argue your worth around it? Were you like, I can't believe it happened? Or how does that, how did it play out in your mind?
Ali AMAC McGuire (20:37.125)
mean, at some point that was just, that's just what I did. I was part of that. I wasn't like outside of it. You know what mean? That was my everyday was working around people who were signed to major labels. And you know, was in LA, crazy times. I was working with people all over the world all the time. I mean,
So when I worked with Post Malone, that was in the beginning of his career. was on tour with Fetty Wap and him. And so that was in 2016. So if you don't know Fetty Wap, he had like five records in the top 10 at that point in time. He was the bigger artist and Post Malone was opening for him. And that was like my first big break.
is what I would say was going on tour and doing the sound for their tour. And I think that was like, whoa, this is crazy. what I thought, and what I thought most of the time, really no matter who I was working with was, don't screw this up. Hope you're doing a good job. Stop asking people if you're doing a good job because it doesn't look good. So.
And not because it doesn't look good, it's just like, I'm doing the job, they hired me for the job, let's not be insecure about doing the job, right? If somebody does have a problem with the way you're doing a job, they're gonna tell you that they have a problem with it, But another example, so that's in Live Sound, but in the studio, my first big session was Kelly Rowland. And I mean, that was crazy, because I grew up listening to Destiny's Child and...
You know, she really the first time I recorded her, she really pushed me. And that was that was the night that I knew like, OK, I can do this because I just recorded Kelly Rowland and she was put me through the wringer and and I did it. But on the other hand, one time I worked with her and I did some some roughs and I sent them out. And I don't know, we probably left the studio like two in the morning or something like that. And afterwards, I listened to them and I was like.
Ali AMAC McGuire (22:56.209)
my gosh, there's too much hiss on these roughs. And then I went home and I redid all of them and sent them back out. You know, so.
It was my life, it's, and it matters who they were, but at the same time it didn't, was with every artist. I just didn't want to mess up. I wanted to do a really good job and I didn't want to make mistakes. And that was very obsessive to the point. I actually talked about this recently. Like my need for perfectionism made me,
a worse audio engineer, a worse mix engineer, because I was always so worried. Like I couldn't take the criticism of somebody telling me that it wasn't good, because that meant it would be tied to my worth. So that's a long winded answer to answer that for you, but.
Kimberly Rapach (24:02.828)
Well, no, but I appreciate it so much and I love that you said it doesn't really matter who the artist was. I was not like you were your own biggest critic, which I think we can all relate to that. But I'm curious. And again, the reason I'm curious is because I know this is very common and we want to normalize the conversation. But I'm thinking about like the tax on your nervous system at that time.
what would you say was the balance or imbalance of how much you spent in fear and anxiety and perfectionism and self-criticism and you know like you said you were obsessed in comparison to how much you enjoyed the success that you had achieved and worked so hard for.
Ali AMAC McGuire (24:57.435)
in anxiety and stress 95 % of the time.
Kimberly Rapach (25:04.174)
Ouch.
Ali AMAC McGuire (25:07.119)
The only, I don't, I had a, couldn't, I couldn't be grateful. I was unable to be grateful. That's like, that's one of the saddest things for me to think about. And I had, and I had a great time. I had great, great, incredible sessions. I have so many nights in my life and so many things that happened to me that I will never forget. And I am grateful for them now.
But when I was living those moments, I needed it to go perfect. I needed it to be great so I could get to the next thing, so I could get to the next thing and I could get my ultimate goal of worth. And once I got there, it was gonna be okay. So all of that was worth it for me.
So that's what I was thinking about. That's why I was so anxious. It wasn't that I wasn't having a good time a lot of the time, but there were sessions where I had such a great time and then I'd listen to the rough and I'd be like, what is this one imperfection in this record? then I wouldn't be able to sleep the entire night for this thing that nobody else could hear or cared about or might not even have been real.
Kimberly Rapach (26:30.028)
Yeah. Yeah.
Ali AMAC McGuire (26:30.885)
honestly.
Kimberly Rapach (26:36.13)
When did you leave? Or shift? Yeah, what happened there? Like you made a shift. What was that shift and where did you go?
Ali AMAC McGuire (26:46.779)
I mean, I'm still here. So in 2023, in June of 2023. So for for a few years, there were major changes that kept happening to me, relationships that were really important to me, that were just getting blown up over and over. Right. So that's like a three year.
Like while I'm in the height of my success, I'm losing these relationships that meant so much to me and changed my life. And a lot of it felt like it was a whole set up the whole time. And it was just like, you know, insane. And these are the things that I needed to get to the breaking point, but I could take a lot. I could take a lot. So then I created a company called The Pocket to help entrepreneurs live their dreams in a healthy way at the end of 2022.
And this was like my fake it till you make it, right? This is when I decided to become a motivational speaker. I was like, I'm gonna create this space and help people live their dreams. I want them to live it in a better way than I have. So I'm literally leading this company that I created and I'm doing self care. I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to do, but that in itself becomes a job because I don't actually know how to do it. It would just literally be like,
Oh, before I have this meeting, have to do self care this week. So I've got to fit it in here, even though I have all of this other stuff to do, because I gave myself like six full time jobs. And that's insane. And it was going well. You know, it was being successful and. I had a successful event at my house. We had, you know, a DJ, three performances. We had food outside.
raffles with audio companies. I gave a great speech, performed a song, woke up in the morning and I was just like, no, I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. And that's when I became really dedicated to figuring out why I could not stop doing this to myself. And I thought it was just going to take like two weeks off because at that point in time, two weeks seemed like an incredible amount of time.
Ali AMAC McGuire (29:11.131)
And then after that two weeks was over, I was like, you know what, let's have the summer of Ali. I'm going to take two entire months off and just like do whatever. And after those two months were over, I kept trying to come back to it and I just couldn't. I just would feel physically ill doing it. And I mean, that was really, really difficult. I love music and I love audio engineering. I love audio. I've spent, I'm such a geek. You know, I love it so much. was really, really hard.
when you can't, when you hate the thing that you love. But I was dedicated at that point to really going through my stuff. So it was also an incredibly emotional time. Like I never cried or screamed more in my entire life. And I was just like constantly having these cracking open moments of realizations, right? Like even The Pocket, the organization that was
about me just filling space because my heart was broken from all of these things that have happened, all of these people that I loved and had left and I probably can never talk to again in my life and everything was just breaking down. So a part of my story is from today. I quit drinking 14 years ago. Thank you. But what I realized
Kimberly Rapach (30:37.068)
Mmm, good for you.
Ali AMAC McGuire (30:41.391)
during this moment, like, and during this time, which was around 11 and a half to 12 years of me being sober, was that I immediately, after I quit drinking, actually got my first job working in music. That's when I started making all my money off of it three weeks later. But I just traded alcoholism for overworking this entire time. And I had never dealt with why I was an alcoholic. Right? I mean, I was 23 when I quit drinking. So I just thought we were all just everybody.
just drinking fifths to their face before they left the house. That was that was what we did. We were you know, we were kids, right? But like, no, I was trying to not feel this stuff. So I just became very dedicated to that and being like, whatever is put in front of me, I will honor. And that's what I've done.
Kimberly Rapach (31:32.718)
So what does your career look like today?
Ali AMAC McGuire (31:37.709)
My career looks like that ground zero that everyone, let me not say everyone, but a lot of people are afraid of rebuilding. being a speaker and sharing my story, that's my career. And what ended up happening is actually during like probably like my deepest, darkest,
pit of despair, I got offered an opportunity to speak at Stanford.
And the girl who gave me the opportunity said, I know you don't want to just come and talk about mixing records, so you can come and talk about whatever you want. And I was like, great, great, I'll figure that out. And so was like, I don't know what I'm going to say, but I was going through this healing, you know, like I said, of having all these cracking open moments of like,
understanding why I kept myself in a lot of these places that I kept myself in, these relationships that broke down and what was going on inside of them. I was like, OK, let's talk about, you know, why I started The Pocket, how to navigate the music industry in a healthy way, how to do it in a healthier way than I did it. So I started it.
at first was just called following your guides and the realities of the music industry. And it just became me creating how to navigate your life through through being self aware and understanding why you're doing things like I didn't understand that my main driver was searching for my validation. I was clueless to that for my entire career. I didn't understand that until after all of this broke apart. Right. And so
Ali AMAC McGuire (33:36.751)
Do you know Brene Brown? You must, yes.
Kimberly Rapach (33:39.589)
rewind. That's like asking a dog if it's hungry.
Ali AMAC McGuire (33:44.773)
Brene Brown is basically like my mom now.
Kimberly Rapach (33:47.779)
You
I say she's my mentor, she just doesn't know it.
Ali AMAC McGuire (33:52.827)
And I'm sure so, so many people feel that way. But when I was going through like some of the hardest times, my friend told me like, you should watch this Ted talk. And I was like, all right. So driving back from Las Vegas after having seen Kelly Clarkson, my other mom in concert, I put on the Ted talk and Brene talks about shame.
and vulnerability and what it is. And I don't know that I knew what shame I ever thought about the definition of shame or how I felt about shame or thought about it ever before. And in that moment was when I realized I was carrying other people's shame for my whole life. Right. And then I was like, I have to consume everything I can on this woman. So I read every book she wrote, watched everything I could.
watch about her and in there she talks about your values and how important it is to find your core values and how you'll never walk into a room alone if you know them. So originally I write this speech about knowing your values is how you're going to navigate the music industry by knowing yourself. My core values are authenticity and growth. I write this whole paper about it. My friend reads it.
And she says, but Allie, you don't talk about how you broke your values inside of here.
And that was my second biggest cracking open moment. mean, I spiraled on that for like six weeks, to be honest, because that's when I understood that I didn't love myself enough to take myself out of these situations. And it's crazy because, you know, I thought I loved myself. I did not. I did not. But so values. All right. If values aren't enough because I was being authentic and I was growing.
Ali AMAC McGuire (35:56.505)
The entire time I was in those situations. So what was going on? And that's when I created the whys, which are your motivation. I break them down into your ego and your purpose. My purpose-wise are joy and impact. And my ego-wise are searching for validation and proving people wrong. So that's when I understood that that's what I was being driven by. And joy and impact were still there. That did happen for me, for other people.
for the hundreds of millions of times people have heard the songs that I've worked on, right? But I would do anything for my ego, which is my insecurities, because that needed to be fixed. That was the most important thing. My wellbeing wasn't the most important thing. Who I was working with, whether they respected me or not, was not the most important thing, just to show the rest of the world that I had value.
And then your what's, which is what you do for your whys and your values. So everything you do is a what, what we're doing right now. You can run it. So it's called your inner compass. You can run it through your compass and I could say, am I here for my purpose or my ego? And am I in my values? And does the person on the other side of the screen also share those things? Is this somebody that I, you know, want to talk to, want to be around?
and then your hows, which is how you think, act, feel, and communicate about all of this. So I can think before I go into a session, right? How am I thinking? Am I thinking positively? Am I thinking negatively? How does my body feel? Is it tense? Am I loose? And now how am I acting prior to getting there and also when I'm there? Am I acting as myself? Like what is, what's going on? And this is a great way.
for you to figure out whether something is just challenging or whether it's unsafe. So the Immaculate Mindset Intercompass is what I came up with and talked about at Stanford.
Ali AMAC McGuire (38:05.231)
But then I didn't realize I was gonna write a whole book about it.
So I wrote, I have it right here, I wrote 150 page workbook about it. And I wrote an album about my experience as well. So this is a whole question about where is my career now. But what I'm doing is wanting to share this story and I share it in the workbook and also, you know, created a lot of
Kimberly Rapach (38:14.89)
Amazing.
Kimberly Rapach (38:20.93)
That's incredible.
Ali AMAC McGuire (38:37.229)
exercises and guides inside of there. And I didn't know that I didn't try to write an album. I didn't try to write this book. just it was just what I was going through. And I just put it together as it happened. But the album also accompanies this workbook. So you can listen to me going through the experience because the entire album is the story of how I went from hating myself to loving myself. So you don't just read the words, you can actually feel me and.
Kimberly Rapach (38:53.614)
amazing.
Kimberly Rapach (39:00.302)
Mmm.
Ali AMAC McGuire (39:06.157)
My hope is that you also sing along to the songs, but as yourself, as these mantras, and also to know that you're not alone. You know, when I was a kid and I'd get on stage, it's when I got the download that I was supposed to be seen and on stage and telling this, I was so annoyed because I'd been terrified of public speaking and all of that stuff my entire life, which is
Obviously a key that that's what I'm supposed to do, right? But when I was a kid, I have like this big voice, but I couldn't sing by myself. But if somebody stood next to me and sang, I could sing all day long. No problem. So that's one of the reasons that I made the album. So if you have trouble singing by yourself, you can sing with me.
Kimberly Rapach (39:57.218)
That's amazing. That's so beautiful. Even before you said that when I was just thinking about the workbook, but even more so now you've literally created what you needed before you knew you needed it.
Ali AMAC McGuire (40:10.925)
Yes. like that's the most impactful thing for me is that I wrote and created this album and the workbook for me. Like whenever I'm going through anything, I play my record. It's me telling me what I need to know because we have all the answers for ourselves. Right. So my hope is, you know, that you do this workbook, you listen to this album and it encourages you.
Kimberly Rapach (40:31.594)
Amen.
Ali AMAC McGuire (40:40.559)
to create whatever that is for you, whether it's making an album or writing a book or painting a picture or doing a dance about it. Like whatever you have to tell yourself what you need to know because you already have all of the things. I just want to help unlock that story inside of you. It's not about doing what I did. It's not about me. just, I didn't think that I could ever enjoy life.
We could talk about the music industry all day, but that's not my story. I just happened to have this story inside of the music industry, but I didn't want to be alive most days of my entire life. And now, even though it's challenging, it's hard, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for grief. I'm able to hold multiple emotions at the same time. I had like one emotion.
my whole life and it was depression. And now I'm able to have all of these other emotions, even when they're difficult. I look forward to being alive. So if I can do that, you can do it too. It is possible to get here and I just want people to know that.
Kimberly Rapach (41:59.426)
I just want to stand up and start clapping. Yes, all the yeses. Because I mean, that's why we tell our story. That's why we share our story. Right? And I don't know about you, you know, I have similar experiences, but sometimes I forget. Right? I forget how hard it was. I forget because I'm so alive now.
Ali AMAC McGuire (42:00.985)
Yeah.
Kimberly Rapach (42:23.256)
But I wasn't always. And I think that's why we share our stories is because of the impact. You we want people to know, like, if I can do this, so can you. Keep going. It is possible. But I think in the world, we think keep going. And we think it's tied to success, right? Like, keep going. Keep chasing your dreams. Give it all you got. And it's, you know, you and I both have experienced, for me now, keep going means keep taking care of myself.
keep loving myself, keep learning, keep staying curious and compassionate with myself first, keep saving myself first before I save other people. But I think most people when they hear keep going, they think I gotta push harder, I gotta work harder, I gotta sacrifice more. And again, you've clearly stated what all the costs are.
Ali AMAC McGuire (43:15.205)
For sure. You you could say I quit being an audio engineer. I quit the music industry. But those are just things that I've done or do in my life when I feel like it. I didn't quit getting to myself and enjoying my life and experiencing more things. I just stopped.
doing something because I understood that I had to stop doing it. And there should be no guilt or shame inside of that for any of us. It's just about knowing yourself. That's why, you know, become self-aware. The three pillars of the inner compass are awareness, accountability, and curiosity. You have to become aware to the things. You have to become accountable to them. And then you have to continue to be curious.
to become aware again and then accountable again and curious again. And you just keep doing that to understand yourself. You're gonna, you know, as we're searching for balance, we're gonna make mistakes. We have to find out whether things work for us or don't work for us. But we also have to learn how to communicate with ourselves and with other people about what is going on so we can build relationships and our lives instead of just running from things or
thinking we're running towards something that's going to like fix us when just be present with where with where we are. We're just here to experience life, literally nothing else.
Kimberly Rapach (44:51.446)
Right, yep, yep, absolutely. Well, and I go back to, I mean, I've loved everything that you've shared, but I think one of my favorite parts of what you said in this conversation is when you were saying, you know, once I just wanted to get.
I didn't want to make a mistake because I wanted to get to the next thing so that I could get to the next thing so I could get to the next thing because eventually I was going to find my validation and then everything was going to be okay. And when you said that, like, I think thought every human being, right? Like, I think we all share that and we don't talk about it.
And so what I'm curious now is with your own internal validation or your own sense of self-worth, what does the internal dialogue sound like these days?
Ali AMAC McGuire (45:44.749)
It sounds like you're doing great. You're doing great. know, it's learning how to observe yourself is just incredible. And I told somebody, he's like, well, how do you, you know, deal with like the bad days and all that stuff? And that's in essence, like a little bit of what you're asking, right? And I was like, the thing is, I don't know that I have bad days anymore.
I have really tough days. have really challenging and difficult days. But when these thoughts come up in my head, I am like, hey, what's up, bud? I don't need you. Thanks for being here, but I don't need you. can handle this. I got this. I have the capacity for this. I'm going to allow this to alchemize its way through me.
Like, and I'm gonna feel it. Like, man, I think about it when you're talking about the things like that you don't think about because you kind of don't have these things anymore. something would happen to me and it would take me out for three weeks. I wouldn't be able to get out of my bed for three weeks. The only reason I woke up and got out of my bed most days, like when I drank was to just go get a 40. But it was just like one thing was taking me out for so long.
And I still have moments where maybe I don't feel good, but that's okay because I came here to experience that. I'm here to experience that. So it's all right and I'm gonna allow it to happen. I'm gonna allow myself to not feel good. But one of my main things to let people know is that you're okay even when you're not okay. People always say it's okay to not be okay. That is true.
but you are okay when you're not because this is the human experience for sure, for all of us. So yeah, the thoughts in my mind are, I wish I got more done today, but I know that I did enough and I'm gonna sleep well tonight. You know what I'm not. Thank you, thank you. And I learned so, so, so much from reading her material. I'm really grateful to Brené.
Kimberly Rapach (47:38.54)
Yeah, radical acceptance.
Kimberly Rapach (47:53.186)
Brené Brown would be so proud of you, Allie.
Kimberly Rapach (48:03.256)
Same, me too, changed my life.
Ali AMAC McGuire (48:03.995)
You know, but yeah, just yeah, like it's a lot nicer in here. It's a lot nicer in here.
Kimberly Rapach (48:15.502)
Yeah, I love it. Did you have a therapist or a coach who helped you along the way?
Ali AMAC McGuire (48:21.019)
So I did have, I did get a therapist like midway into this and I did, you know, different therapies like sound baths, breath work, all of that stuff. But I really did a lot of it on my own.
Kimberly Rapach (48:44.268)
Yeah, sounds like it.
Ali AMAC McGuire (48:45.467)
Like I would say my therapist, she was more like, Ali's gonna come in and she's gonna say some shit, you know? And I'm just gonna let her go and let her go and let her go. And she was great, but I needed her. Getting a therapist is great because there are a lot of reasons for getting a therapist. But for me, why it was so amazing was because also during this process, I lost a lot of my friends, okay?
a lot of people around me, that was really difficult. I didn't have a lot of people who I could talk to who didn't also know those people. So I needed somebody where I could go in and I could say anything to them and it was never gonna get back to anyone, it was never gonna be anything because also I didn't know if I really felt the ways that I was talking. You know, I think...
People forget that a lot of the times that when you're figuring stuff out, especially when you're going through like a breakdown awakening, try to give people some slack because when we're feeling for the first time, I got to sort through a lot of stuff. I got to figure out, do I really mean this or not? Is this, this might be about something that happened 15 years ago and I don't know because I'm still reacting instead of responding. So needing a therapist for that was invaluable.
So yes, I had a therapist.
Kimberly Rapach (50:16.514)
Yeah. Well, and you had Brene Brown.
Ali AMAC McGuire (50:18.647)
And I had Brene Brown and I read a lot of books. Before this, I didn't read. And well, I listened because I learned that I was dyslexic, which makes it hard for me to read. But I listened to a lot, a lot of books and I still do now. You know, people will say when you're on a healing journey, like that you can get addicted to the healing and the needing to heal and fix things about you.
Kimberly Rapach (50:22.36)
Yeah. Yeah.
Ali AMAC McGuire (50:48.463)
And I think about that a lot because I've never just been like, I'm going to read a fiction book today. like, I want to read about all the ways that people came to be awake within themselves. But it's not for me. don't I don't have things to fix. I have things that I can be better at. I have things that I'm working at, but I'm not trying to fix myself. I'm just trying to know myself better. And so that when I'm reading these books, I'm just looking for these insights. Right. It's like when you ask advice.
from people or you're reading books when you're looking for this, you should just be looking for what you think about it. If somebody gives you advice, it's not that you just follow it. It's for me to be like, no, absolutely not. Or, OK, yeah, I could try that. I never thought about it like that. So so I read a lot of books and that just continues by exploration of myself because I'm curious.
about myself and thinking in ways that I never thought before. So yeah, I write a lot of books.
Kimberly Rapach (51:51.49)
Well, well, you bring up something really important that I think maybe we might take for granted because I think a lot of people might hear what you say as far as, know, if someone gives you advice or if you read a book or listen to a podcast, you don't necessarily just go and do what everybody tells you to do.
You stop and you discern and you listen to what feels true for you. And that is so empowering, but it is not something people are.
taught or trained or given permission to do. And so a lot of people, especially people who have trauma or complex trauma, they tend to be dependent on other people. And so, you know, I used to have the hardest time making decisions because I wanted other people to tell me what should I do? What should I do? What do you think? And now, and for me, it's all, you know, nervous system work. But like when you
trust yourself when you, I guess it would start when you know yourself, like you're talking about really increasing your self-awareness when you know yourself and you love yourself and you're committed to staying curious and compassionate and to constantly evolving for the greater good. You learn, like I can read a word.
I can, I'm trying to think of like any recent examples. I think I was, you know, running something through even like chat GPT. I can feel what feels true and what doesn't. Like I just know. And it is so empowering because it's clarity.
Ali AMAC McGuire (53:28.474)
Mm-hmm.
Kimberly Rapach (53:34.346)
It's empowering. You don't feel dependent on other people to direct your life for you because when you're in that space, you don't trust anybody anyway. And it's just such a mess, right? And so that self-awareness, self-love, self-compassion leads to self-knowing. And you can hear something and go, yeah, that sounds nice maybe for some people, but that's not for me. that definitely I want to give a try.
and just trusting yourself. It's like for me, that's it's emotional freedom.
Ali AMAC McGuire (54:07.813)
Absolutely and and being open to being wrong Like Whatever I know about myself in this conversation right now There is more to know something I feel all the time because you got to think we're talking about reading books getting advice But we're on social media. We're getting a ton of information all the time some of it factual some of it emotion-based some of it
Absolutely out of this world insane so but we have to have like this discernment of All of that right, but as all of this is is happening and I'm ingesting all of this and I'd love to ingest less of it and talk about why am I so addicted to this? Right. That's a whole other podcast but My point I'm trying to make here is
I can tell I'm like, it's almost like one of words on the tip of your tongue. And I'm like, I'm like, there's another level of me knowing myself of a place of me having this trust in myself. Even recently, I've just been like, I can still see with what I'm trying to do, how I'm trying to work inside of these systems that I know, but I don't think I'm supposed to work inside of these systems. And I don't know what that means yet.
but maybe I need to meditate. But there's something for me and it's going to continue to be like that all of our life. And I can only hope that it's that way until the last second I have of this journey that I'm continually curious and wondering and courageous as I move forward in really
being authentically and unapologetically, apologetically when I need to be me.
Kimberly Rapach (56:16.034)
Yeah, yeah, I love that. You've really done a great job talking about, you know, your values and really how you live your life. But as we kind of close this out, what I'm curious about is...
logistically, you know, on a day to day, what are your non-negotiables to stay committed to your mental wellness? Are there things that you do, practices, routines?
Ali AMAC McGuire (56:47.419)
Absolutely hiking Walking every day but I Would say the biggest thing I do is listening to myself listening to my body even I I told you earlier I've been sick for the last week and You know, I could I could walk around I wasn't like in the fetal position in a corner
type stuff, right? But I didn't feel well. Like my brain was so foggy, but I had just been in such like a fire speed of like making content. Like I was checking off all the things on my checklist. I was getting in a good flow and I was so annoyed that this was happening. But I was like, Ali, your body is telling you that you're tired. Your brain is.
literally not functioning, like just lay down. You have the time and you have the space. If you can make it happen, you have to make this happen for yourself. You have to listen to what your body is saying because the work isn't gonna be as good and you're not going to heal as fast and everything is going to suffer. So let's not suffer. Let's let, you know, the hustle culture suffer, okay? It can suffer for you and take care of yourself.
You know, something I journaled about was I was like, during this while I did this and I took this time and like I had a couple of days where all I did was lay in bed and watch TV. And I love those days, but I still have this drive in me where I want to get stuff done. But I journaled next time this happens. Appreciate it more. Even though you are sick, you got a day in bed and you love that.
So don't worry as much about what you're not doing and just appreciate it even though you don't feel good. Because there's a reason why it's happening. Be more present. I can always continue to be more present even though I love thinking about my future, very excited about my future, very excited to build towards my future all the time. But the moments that we have right now, this second right now, every second that passed, we'll never ever have them again. I just want to be grateful.
Ali AMAC McGuire (59:16.421)
for all of it and not, I spent a lot of time, like we were talking about, this thing to the next thing to the next thing to the next thing.
I just want to not do that because there is going to be a time again in my life for whatever reason that it is going to be way more fast paced than it has been in the last two and a half years that I've been going through this journey. And I just want to remember now.
Kimberly Rapach (59:44.992)
I love how dialed in you are.
Ali AMAC McGuire (59:48.729)
Me too, it's kind of crazy, right? If you knew me before, you'd be like, not a chance in hell.
Kimberly Rapach (59:51.756)
I love it too, I love it too.
same, same, same. And, you know, I knew when we got on the call because we were, you we were both having a, well, you had a little technical difficulty and then I had a lot. But we were both just so like.
just in it and chill and you know, I mean, I was thinking when we had to keep hopping on and off the call, I was like, man, there was a time I would be just panic stricken or I would be embarrassed or what and I'm just not like, I'm just here and here's what we're being dealt with and or, being dealt being dealt to deal with. And there's a reason for it and we can grow from it. But it takes that being dialed in that relaxed nervous system.
to be able to show up like that. And I just felt that from you the minute you got on the call. Like, I think before you spoke, I could feel it. Yeah.
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:00:46.587)
Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate that. And I I received that. And yeah, I thought, you know, the couple of times you said, I'm so sorry about this. I was like, I was like, she's just she's just saying that because like, that seems like the thing you should say in this situation. But I think we both know that this is fine. This is totally fine. No problem. Yeah, we're going to figure it out. I'm like, now I now I know this thing if I'm ever in Riverside, so he's having a
Kimberly Rapach (01:01:05.216)
Yeah, fine. We're going to be better for this, no matter what.
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:01:16.325)
problem again, I can help them, you know, it's it's great.
Kimberly Rapach (01:01:18.572)
Right, Yeah, exactly. You you spoke candidly earlier, this will be my last question, about, you you spent much of your life not wanting to be alive. And that as well, I think is far more common.
than what we talk about. I know I have wrestled with that. I know many people do. And what I'm going to ask you is for somebody listening, and maybe that's where they're at, like, don't really want to be here. What's the point? What would you say to them?
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:02:00.795)
I'm like trying so hard to not be cliche about this and be and just be like, it gets better on the other side. And that is true. But I think what I would say that I hope for you is to have the courage to not confront these things. I don't like saying I need to confront this, but meet these parts of yourself. I always paint this picture.
and think about it like you're sitting at a lake or well, the things you need to meet are sitting at a lake. And if you're going to go confront them, what are you going to do? You're going to run up and be like, yo, what's up? What's up? I've got to confront you and we're fighting and we're fighting. But what if you just go sit next to them and ask them why they're there and what they're there to teach you? Because your pain has a lot to show you about yourself and
We're so afraid to feel the pain, but we're just carrying it every day anyway. So be courageous enough to cry and scream for six months and do the hard thing because this too shall pass good and bad just the same.
And you can do it. You can absolutely get to the other side. It is possible, I promise. If I can do it, you can do it too.
Kimberly Rapach (01:03:33.024)
And I would echo that. We've both expressed, we've experienced some pretty dark seasons and here we are, loving life.
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:03:42.427)
That's right.
Kimberly Rapach (01:03:45.218)
Thank you so much, Allie.
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:03:47.717)
Thank you, Kim. This was great.
Kimberly Rapach (01:03:49.548)
Yeah, I really enjoyed talking to you. I'm so grateful that you're here. How can people find you? I guess I did have one more question. How can people find you?
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:03:57.157)
So you can find me on Instagram at amaculent. So that's A-M-A-C-U-L-E-N-T. YouTube at amaculentmindset. You can check out amaculent.com. Definitely, please check out my album. You'll never guess my artist's name is amaculent.
Kimberly Rapach (01:04:19.246)
You
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:04:21.403)
and the workbook and info at immaculin.com. Honestly, if you have any questions or want to share anything with me at all, I'd love to chat with anybody.
Kimberly Rapach (01:04:35.118)
Thank you for that. Sometimes we just need one person.
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:04:40.228)
Absolutely.
Kimberly Rapach (01:04:41.422)
In recovery, they say there's only one part you have to do alone, and that's walk in the room. So it might be email, might be a text, might be a DM, but it's the only part you have to do alone. I hope everybody checks out your work and all that you have going on and the impact that you're having in the world. And thank you for that. And thank you for using your story to make an impact. Thanks for being here.
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:04:45.531)
Mm.
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:04:50.51)
Absolutely.
Ali AMAC McGuire (01:05:03.471)
Thank you.