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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest into the lives of others. Find out more at youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You can mentor. What up, mentors?
Speaker 1:Hey. I'm here to talk to you about the Mentoring Leadership Summit, April 21 through the twenty fourth in Colorado Springs, Colorado. This summit is designed for mentoring leaders, people who might feel stretched thin, isolated, unsure of what to do with staff, volunteers, fundraising, all that stuff. We designed this summit for you. It's not just a conference, but it's a time for you to be surrounded with mentoring leaders, people who love Jesus, love mentoring.
Speaker 1:You step away from the daily grind. You get refreshed so that you can go back to your community and you can pour out. More importantly, the whole event is created to help you build relationships with other mentoring leaders so that you can learn, you can figure out how to have long term impact, and stay encouraged and equipped so you can mentor for the long haul. You'll experience deep connection with other mentoring leaders through shared meals, intentional conversations. We have a lot of downtime built into the schedule where you can just hang out with other mentoring people.
Speaker 1:We got breakout sessions led by experienced mentoring executives and ministry leaders, and they will equip you with best practices, new ideas, and things that you can take home to become a better mentoring leader. We've got worship and prayer. We've got hikes up in the mountains of Colorado. Easy ones. Don't worry.
Speaker 1:They're easy. But we want you to leave reconnected with God, spiritually renewed, and connected to other people. Guys, it's really hard to do this mentoring thing alone. And at the summit, you will gain new friends, you'll gain support, you'll gain clarity and confidence as you get new ideas, and it's our goal for you to walk away with a renewed passion and energy to continue mentoring kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. So sign up today.
Speaker 1:Go to our website, youcanmentor.com, and check out the summit, April in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Bring your directors, program leaders, your staff members. Let's do it. You can mentor. Come to the summit.
Speaker 1:Guys, it's in Colorado. Come on. Come on now. You can mentor. Sign up today.
Speaker 1:Bring a friend. Tell your friends. Let's do it. What up, mentors? On this episode of the You Can Mentor Podcast, I'm with my main man, Murray of Forerunner Mentoring, aka the Murdaugh.
Speaker 1:We're talking about why it's important to get outside and to create outdoor adventures for our mentees. We're talking about three things. Number one, why our mentees need safe opportunities to fail. Number two, helping our mentees name and navigate big emotions. And then the third one, how to bear one another's burdens via the outdoors and camping and hiking and all of that stuff.
Speaker 1:We talk a ton about just the benefits of getting kids out of their comfort zone of challenging them, of exposing them to new, why it's a great way to bond with other mentors, how to, show our mentees what it means to be stable and calm and peaceful under, kinda some crazy circumstances. We give them opportunities to make friends that they might not otherwise interact with in after school programs or school or mentoring. It's a big deal. It's great. You should mentor.
Speaker 1:You can mentor, and you should go outside. So tune in to the podcast. Share with a mentoring friend. Leave that five star. We love you.
Speaker 1:Remember, you can mentor. Welcome, mentors. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the pod.
Speaker 2:God, man. Podcast podcast.
Speaker 1:Podcast. Let us podcast. I will podcast today talking about Christian mentoring.
Speaker 2:How many how many AI bots are doing podcasts right now on Youth Mentoring?
Speaker 1:AI bots are doing mentoring right now. That's what we should probably be asking. We're gonna be out of a job.
Speaker 2:No. Whatever. They're telling people to kill themselves. So it's like
Speaker 1:You can't say that. What can't say that on the podcast. This is a Christian Have you seen have you
Speaker 2:seen those articles? It's insane.
Speaker 1:No. I haven't seen the articles.
Speaker 2:But there's Because it's like a they agree with people. They're like, that sounds like a great idea. You should go for it. And it's like, no.
Speaker 1:There's a there's a mentor who's who is tuning in right now with their kid in the car, and they're just like, what am I what's going on? Every episode, you say something like this.
Speaker 2:They think about these things. Sorry. I should have said, I'm alive. That's, like, the the right thing to say.
Speaker 1:Oh, gosh. This is getting out of control. Welcome to the You Can Mentor Podcast. I'm Zach. This is Steven, and we're talking about mentoring today.
Speaker 1:Okay. Well, Murdoch, tell tell the people listening in their cars with their kids in the back seat with their ears covered what we're gonna be talking about today.
Speaker 2:We're talking about the the power of outdoor trips and mentoring. I feel like outdoor trips are like a force multiplier. Forerunner, we've we've been taking boys on camping trips, fishing trips, backpacking trips. You kinda name it based off of how much gear or what kind of gear you bring, but generally, it's just getting out into the wilderness, finding God, and building relationships. And I I mean, since we last recorded a podcast, I've taken, you know, 12 boys to Arkansas on a backpacking trip where there was a torrential thunderstorm, and I was like, we may die.
Speaker 2:And then just this last weekend, we went down probably an hour and a half south of Dallas and did an adventure with some elementary students and would love to share a few thoughts from those trips.
Speaker 1:Man, I'm excited to hear this. Okay. So before we get going, Steven, I'm just gonna ask you a couple questions. Okay? So if you're a mentor, if you're running a mentoring organization, Number one, how do you do this safely?
Speaker 1:How do you like, with all the, waivers, all of the, health insurance, you know, all of that stuff, tell me how you guys pursue these outdoor trips while still providing moms and your board and all of your donors with the, kind of the peace of mind that everything's gonna be okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah. At at some level, we want moms to have confidence that their sons are gonna be okay. So the lines of communication, any of these trips that start, they start with a waiver, a hold harmless agreement. Your your man, you gotta have it. At at some level, though, the I think what we found is that if mom is getting pictures from the activities that you're doing and what's going on and she's consistently apprised of, you know, whatever's happening, she's happy.
Speaker 2:And then she also has, you know, if any mom has concern, all of a sudden, all of them have concern. And so if no one else is concerned, there there's usually a lot of peace that that is is brought by that. At some level, I mean, we have van insurance. We've got, you know, ministry safe, sexual abuse prevention training. We have a a separation of adults and kids and any sleeping arrangements.
Speaker 2:But there is an understanding that mentoring comes with risk. And going on an outdoor trip, there is risk. There are copperheads in Arkansas. And so at some level, we always have adults go first, identify where the snakes are, and then help the boys make their way to camp. And so at some level, having adults in the front, adults behind, encouraging, challenging, all of those things lead lead to a safe trip.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So how do you talk mom into, hey, mom. I'm gonna take your kid camping in the backwoods of Arkansas where there's snakes. How does that sound to you? You know?
Speaker 1:Like, my I picture some moms being like, you're crazy. I'm out.
Speaker 2:Yeah. At some level, some of the boys some of the boys think we're crazy, but what what we tell the moms is that every boy has to be challenged to find their limits, to find, you know, actionable ways to stretch themselves and get out of their comfort zone. And, you know, yes, you could say these boys are being challenged by their circumstance and they're building resilience, but at some level, going into a a situation that's not normative really opens up the heart for you to recognize, one, how big the world is and what you don't know. So, I mean, we'll talk about a lot of the activities that happen at camp and on these trips that really expose the boys to a lot of different, you know, skills and opportunities to fail, but also grow. And at at some level, moms are excited that their boys are gonna be out of the house for a few days.
Speaker 2:And so the sell is not very hard. It's more of just confirming that, hey. We know our stuff and sharing pictures of what it's looked like and encouraging her that this trip could be a lot of firsts for the boy, catching their first fish. Framing it is like, you know, Forerunner's giving your son a a huge benefit. At some level, some of these trips are earned.
Speaker 2:There there's an incentive structure where the boys attend a certain level of times in our program, and then they get access to these experiences. And so framing it as an as, you know, a reward really helps the moms buy in and say, oh, okay. Like, my son won this thing. But yeah.
Speaker 1:And just for context, Stephen, aka the Murdaugh, he runs a mentoring program for kids who don't have dads, specifically boys. So in this podcast, he will be talking a ton about boys because that's what he serves. But this also works for this also works for girls too. You know? I have a daughter.
Speaker 1:She loves the outdoors. She loves going camping, and I was a tad bit surprised by that. But something magical happens when you take these kids out of their comfort zone. It's a it's a new world, and it opens up doors that are very difficult to open when they're just in their everyday stuff. Right?
Speaker 1:And so there is power in the trip. There's power in the new. There's power in the just getting them out of their normal day to day, hey. This is life, and it's the same old same old. So super cool.
Speaker 1:But, before you get to your three things, Steven, let's go back a tad bit and tell me how you got on this outdoor adventure kick. Because whenever we were working together, this was not part of the curriculum. In fact, it was almost like as I left, were like, finally, he's gone. I can do what I wanna do. I don't have the man over me.
Speaker 2:That is that is not true. Mees, our partnership with Camp Firewalker has lasted before my time, but at the same time, global warming became a thing. And but do you remember how many times we canceled these trips because of a, like, a thunderstorm or something came through, and it was just like I don't know if it was actually a storm or we just didn't have enough volunteers, and we just framed it as that. But it was like, that that happened consistently, and we were just like, it'll happen one day. And so then we just started fishing at White Rock Lake and catching nothing.
Speaker 2:And at at some level, if you don't know about White Rock Lake, it's like, it's the sewer line for Plano, and it just kind of, like, all of the junk comes to that lake, and you're not allowed to swim in it. The fish are, like, growing three eyes. And, I mean, they've been accustomed to eating things that aren't on the end of your lure. So at some level, we've caught, like, three fish in the last ten years, and I would not I didn't even wanna touch the fish. So that has always been, like, a a practice for us.
Speaker 2:But getting getting engaged with men who love the outdoors and want to give their sons these experiences and other boys in the neighborhood that maybe don't have that opportunity. It's just been a great outlet and way for guys to jump in and serve that maybe aren't aren't necessarily committing to a, you know, one to one match that meets for over a year. These are guys that are saying, I can come once a semester and host an event and cook some bacon and, you know, show a kid how to shoot a bear and bow and arrow. And at at some level, having 30 of those guys in our, like, mentor pool is, like it's perfect for us because these boys are getting experiences that they would not get to have if it weren't for these guys going out of their way. And so at some level, it's it's created on ramps for lower commitment but high impact for for volunteers.
Speaker 1:And I think one thing that's so important that I've been kinda learning as of late is this, is you have to cast the vision. So it's like, what do our kids need? What do our mentees need? You know? Okay.
Speaker 1:My mentee needs to grow in confidence. My mentee needs to grow in adventure. My mentee needs to grow in courage. Okay. Who in our donor pool, who in my network can give them access to those opportunities?
Speaker 1:And so it's like, Here's James. James really likes to hunt. James really likes to fish. James has land. James doesn't want to mentor because he has a bunch of kids at home under the age of five, but what can he do?
Speaker 1:So this is where we, as executives, as mentors, we can get creative and say, okay. He might not be able to do the mentor thing, but what can he do? Can he give us access to his land? Can he get with all of his other hunting buddies and create a weekend? Hey, guys.
Speaker 1:Will y'all for one day, will y'all cook the food? Will you help them fish? Will you help them, you know, create a campfire? Like, what do our kids need? Who in your network can help them receive that?
Speaker 1:And how can you engage them and tie them to the mission, to the vision while also having them do something that they're passionate about? Guys, there's a lot of power in that. You know? There's people in your network who are volunteers, who are maybe they are a donor, and they love golf. Okay.
Speaker 1:Well, let's have them teach our kids how to play golf. Let's have them host a, you know, like, a golf tournament to help us raise funds. Or if they like to shoot skeet, okay, have them host a event to where they can support us by right? And so that's an opportunity for us. Who can we partner with to help people do what they're passionate about in the first place, but just do it in a way that supports our vision and helps our kids become all that they can be?
Speaker 2:So Yeah. And it and it doesn't have to be mission drift. So for for us, we want boys fulfilling their potential. And so that looks like how do we give them skills and experiences to build their character, help them, you know, model responsibility, humility, integrity, leadership, and respect. But the the the wine is the same.
Speaker 2:The wineskin is different. So for for these outdoor trips, when you talk about responsibility, it's like, hey. Don't point your BB gun the wrong way. You need to point that downrange because there's others here. You need to take care of them.
Speaker 2:At some level, the intersection between meeting practical needs and serving others and what you enjoy, like like, that could be a bull's eye for any mentoring program if they can find the secret sauce of what their beneficiaries need and what their, you know, volunteer base has, you know, practically what what they find joy in. And if if you find that at at some level, I mean, it's a huge blessing. And if if you can, without compromising your vision, like you're saying, like, at some level, if someone loved, gosh, I don't know, you know, sewing, I'd be like, I I feel like there's probably an organization out there for you. Or may maybe there's a bunch of moms in our group. You know, there's a 90 year old woman, miss Sybil, that serves the church over here, and there was a 100 Afghan families that came to Lake Highlands in our neighborhood.
Speaker 2:And Sybil loves sewing. So she set up 20 sewing machines in a classroom over here and hosted all these Afghan women who haven't I don't know, don't have the resources for a sewing machine that they may have had back in the day. And it's like, all of a sudden, Sybil's leading this sewing machine class as a missionary to all these Afghan women who that that when the need and the desire converge, it it it creates a beautiful thing. And so for us, men men love shooting things, and they they love catching things. And, I mean, that from sports to fish to to whatever, they love danger.
Speaker 2:And at some level, when when boys come out and they experience danger and they walk up on a a cow and they've never seen a cow before, and we're like, we're gonna milk it. Like, they're freaking out, but it's also at some level, those kind of experiences are things that are gonna become core memories where you're like, these dudes took me out there and we almost died, but we made it. And that's that's the stuff that I love. And every volunteer that comes out there loves seeing the boys' eyes light up, enjoying the thing that they enjoy.
Speaker 1:And, like, hey. Look. I'm all about the after school. I'm all about the summer camps. I'm all about these things.
Speaker 1:But if we can create memories, if when they're 40 years old, like, hey. Do you remember when we went on that camping trip and we came across a snake and Stephen picked up the snake with his hand, and it almost bit him, and he freaked out and, you know, da da da. But, like, one reason why I love doing these adventures is because you create core kinda memories and things that these kids will remember for the rest of their lives. You know? Like, that's a big deal.
Speaker 1:That's a really, really cool deal.
Speaker 2:I wanna I wanna mention that we're not the, like, the snake handler kind of Christian
Speaker 1:Of course. Area. Of course.
Speaker 2:I just wanna mention And Yeah. So yeah.
Speaker 1:Yep. That's good that that's good that you said that because I'm sure people were
Speaker 2:I mean, there's a promise in the Bible. I mean, I'm not I'm not Okay. Testing it out.
Speaker 1:You're you're getting out of bounds again. You're just riding the line, bro.
Speaker 2:It's in the bible. Always. It's in the bible.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of things in the bible. Okay. Before we get going on these three things, Steven, just please tell the story about how you tore your Achilles on the camp out and continued to hike a mountain for the next week. Just please start out on that shore. That's hilarious.
Speaker 2:The, you know, the the guy, Eric Swithen from Outdoor Adventures, he this guy was like a former marine. Bunch of our boys were like a little afraid of him because we were like driving to Bogota Springs, Colorado to meet up with him, the boys were like, have you met this dude? I was like, I've talked to him on the phone. And we're like, why is he a former marine? Did he, like, off some people?
Speaker 2:Or, like, was he dishonorably discharged? I was like, guys, don't worry. It's gonna be fine. We get out there, and one of our boys, his name is Elijah, at the at the camp, this is like a base camp, so it's like a house at the base of the mountain. There's a basketball court, and Elijah crossed me and my Achilles tore.
Speaker 2:And I I went into, like, shock. And the boys were, like, just, like, laughing at me, but I was, like, I could not move. And the medic there now this is probably not safe, but the medic there probably was not yeah. He didn't have an MRI machine. He was like, oh, you probably just rolled your ankle.
Speaker 2:It wasn't for, like, two weeks later that I actually found out that I tore my Achilles. But all the boys were like, we're not going on this hike if you don't go with us. And so I was like, okay, Moses, like, chill. But I decided, I was like, okay, I'm gonna go. And we hiked 16 miles, and I just stumbled behind these boys.
Speaker 2:And that that was, like, my rite of passage into this role. Like, that was 2021, and, like, my my first kind of, you know, thought that hit my head was, like, all these boys are walking into manhood in the dark with a limp. And that was exactly what I was doing, and I was getting like, God was transposing their experience to my pain and encouraging me that, you know, all of these boys that are growing up without a father, they have tremendous pain, and they don't know how to share it. They don't know how to unburden themselves. They need God, and they need one another, and they also have to keep walking.
Speaker 2:They have to keep going. And at at some level, that gave me a passion for, you know, these these kind of trips. And even just telling the boys, every time we go on one of these outdoor trips, whether it's hiking up a mountain or just, you know, glamping with a toilet next to you, that that's that's my definition of a of glamping is just if there is a toilet or if there's not a toilet. If you have to make one or you just you can go. But at some level, I tell the boys that the reason we're taking you on these trips is so that one day, you will be the man who guides, directs, challenges other young men that they have what it takes as they walk into manhood.
Speaker 2:And I I mean, I remember telling Zimari on that first trip. I said, you know, twenty years from now, you're going to be in my shoes taking your son on on a trip like this, and I want you to remember that. And my my hope and faith is that those boys will, and they won't, their sons will not need someone else to give them that experience. They will have it modeled to them so that they can do it themselves.
Speaker 1:Good stuff, my dog. I was expecting, like, a funny story, and you just got super deep. He super powerful. It's like, dang, man. I just wanted to hear about how he got crossed and all the kids laughed at you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. The the graphic part was the guy that did the surgery. He said that my maybe this is too graphic. Maybe I shouldn't hear it.
Speaker 1:There's kids listening. We just talked about this. The kid in the bag in the minivan with his hands over his ears. Just
Speaker 2:He just he said he pulled something out that was like, I looked like an x man that my body was trying to, like, reattach because of all the effort that I put in. And he was like, can I put this in a book somewhere? And I was like, sure. So but yeah.
Speaker 1:Alright. Let's talk about these three things. Okay. So just before you get going, I mean, let's be honest. This whole time you've been going.
Speaker 1:But I am not mister outdoors. I'm not I mean, I'm six eight. I've got, you know, look at my hair. I've got gel in my hair. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't go camping. I don't shoot things. Guns scare me. I don't like snakes. But I have since seen the light, and these trips really are super powerful.
Speaker 1:They create core kind of memories. It's bonding. You are challenging kids. You're pushing them. You're exposing them to new.
Speaker 1:You're getting them out of their comfort zone. It's fun. You get to, like, see these kids in a new way as they I mean, you're outdoors with them for, you know, for a day or two days or for a week. And, I mean, you can really talk about some amazing things. Dare I say, you can mentor a kid more in that one week or that one weekend than you will in, you know, the entire year of spending an hour with him here and an hour with him there.
Speaker 1:But, Steven, tell us your three things as to why you encourage people to get these kids outdoors and outdoor experiences.
Speaker 2:Yeah. On on the time thing, I I do see it as a force multiplier because most of our mentors, they'll probably spend fifty hours a year with their kid, and that those are in hour, two hour spurts. And kids kids can fake it. They can code switch. They can they can present as someone to you for two hours, but they can't for forty eight hours.
Speaker 2:At some level, you're going to get to know the real them and that's very helpful as a mentor to understand. But they'll also get to know the real you because you can fake it as a mentor. You can show up and be happy clappy until you get uncomfortable, and they see the real you. So I that's a thing that I really love about it. My my first point on on these is I tell I tell moms that your boy needs safe opportunities to fail.
Speaker 2:What I mean by that is when we when we go on these trips, there's a lot of different activities that are probably not normative. You're gonna cross a creek or a stream, and you're gonna fall in the water, and you're gonna freeze your butt off. And at some level, you're you're gonna be frustrated because you lost your footing or, well, that rock was, you know, slippery and, well, you didn't tell me and all this stuff. But ultimately, it's like, you're the one that is walking. You you're the one that chose the path that you took.
Speaker 2:You chose that rock right there, and that rock failed you. And at at some level, having a conversation about the choices that we make and the repercussions and consequences, we have to face those failures, and we have to get up. We can't just stay in the water. We have to keep moving. We have to keep going.
Speaker 2:And and so at some level, learning how to manage setbacks from the choices and consequences of our own actions, like, those are the things that help you build resilience. And, you know, something as simple as what rock am I choosing to step on can lead to a conversation about the gospel on, you know, who are we putting our faith and trust in. Because at the end of the day, you could make a great decision, and it could still end in destruction. It could still end in folly. But at the end of the day, we know that if we build our house on Jesus, he is a firm foundation, and we will never be shaken.
Speaker 2:And so transposing any of these experiences can can make any trip like a, you know, a fantastic lesson where where the boys just it makes sense. Now I can apply that to my, you know, life back home, that my decisions matter, but ultimately, my trust in Jesus is the thing that is gonna carry the day. When when the boys are fishing, we tell them that there's a reason they call it fishing. They don't call it catching because you don't always catch something. And so at some level, the only way to learn how to fail is to fail and be good at fit being good at failure is being good at growing.
Speaker 2:And so one one of our core values at Forerunner is always be growing. And the only way you can grow is to face setbacks and learn from, you know, challenges in life and expose yourself to new opportunities. At some level, some of the boys, they'll show up, and they do not wanna participate. And then as soon as they feel challenged by, you know, learning a new skill or wanting to compete, then all of a sudden, they're invested, they're engaged, and they see other people that are, you know, excelling, and they want that. And it it just creates a lot of opportunities for you to help boys not just find themselves in the pecking order, but to process process failure in a safe environment where there's not gonna be as many consequences for failure.
Speaker 2:When you're, I don't know, probably in the school having a conversation about losing in front of, you know, everyone. Like, at some at some level, that can place a lot of pressure on you. But this is a this is an environment where it's okay to fail. It's like you have permission to miss the mark. You like, that that is a part of being a man is that we all fell short.
Speaker 2:We all, like, we all started somewhere. And so at some level, creating that growth mindset through these experiences outdoors, experiencing failure, and learning to grow, the those are huge aspects of of what these trips help us help us build into the boys.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite verses is, you know, Proverbs 24, for a righteous man falls seven times, they rise again. I'm like, man. Say it with me now, mentors. It's okay to fail. It's okay to fail.
Speaker 1:It's okay to fail. Like, I feel like sometimes we are so consumed by trying to keep our mentees from failing that we miss the point that no. No. Like, we actually wanna put them in safe environments where they can fail in a way where the consequences aren't major so that we teach them how to handle failure, how to handle adversity, how to get back up. Right?
Speaker 1:And so what a what a crazy concept. I am going to put this Menti in a scenario that he's unfamiliar with to cause him to fail. And that's my job as a mentor, is to cause him to fail so that I can teach him how to fail well. Because as a husband, as a leader, as a student, I mean, you are going to fail. And, if our mentees think that they can't fail or they shouldn't fail or the first taste of failure sends them into a you know, sends them off a cliff, well, then we're not doing them a service.
Speaker 1:So Yeah. It's good, Murdoch. Tell me what's next.
Speaker 2:Okay. So this this is my favorite, part of these trips is that there are, you know, I I would say a high level of certainty that boys are going to have a meltdown in some way, whether that's a conflict with another boy or even just with themselves and just being frustrated. But helping the boys name and navigate their biggest emotions, Like, you know, naming naming those things is more important than fixing them. At some level, like, I'll share a story. This is a boy.
Speaker 2:His name was Jeremy. He was getting really mad at one of the other boys that was, I I mean, I think we're playing red light, green light. And one of the boys didn't say green light, he said green fight or something. And that was like I don't know. It's some for some reason, he got out and it it just tripped something in his heart.
Speaker 2:And he he wanted to and he didn't know this other kid. So at some level, some of these trips are, you know, merging in multiple different schools that we serve. And so there there is, you know, boys coming in with relationships that they know, like, they know where they stand, and then other relationships where these are new friendships and we're experiencing something difficult together and you don't know where it's gonna go. Jeremy was running at this guy and we grabbed him, we sat him down, and I said, Jeremy, put your hand on your heart right now. And his heart was beating at 220 beats per minute.
Speaker 2:I mean, it was just, like, insane, like, how fast his heartbeat was. Like, we were playing Red Light, Green Light. So you're I mean, you're not working out, but you're working something out in there. Like, where are you? What is that?
Speaker 2:And I I would I would ask him, where are you? And he said, I'm I'm I'm at Camp Firewalker. I'm I'm on a camping trip. And I was like, no. Jeremy, where are you?
Speaker 2:And just having a moment where he could breathe and he could think about how huge the things that he was feeling were connected to something that was very insignificant and towards someone that he doesn't even know. And at some level was like, there's a stranger that just, like, set something off inside of you, and you gave them the authority over your your whole being. Like, you gave them way too much authority over how you're you are responding right now. And at some level, just sitting down with him and helping him calm himself and take back authority over his body and over his choices and how he's responding to things that are coming his way. At at some level, those are areas that I I just love sitting with the boy.
Speaker 2:And sometimes as a mentor, you're not going to experience that moment for years because you are not there when it happens. And the it's a privilege to be a man that just sits down with a guy and helps him cool down and redirect his thoughts inward to saying, like, what's going on inside of you? Not just what did they do to you. What are you doing right now? Where are you?
Speaker 1:Man, in lights, What a great opportunity for us as mentors to be able to show them how to process hard things well. Right? You said that one of our goals is to help boys name big emotions. You know? Well, you also, as an adult, you might have have a big emotion.
Speaker 1:Right? Like, you you tore your Achilles, and yet you continue to climb climb up a mountain. You showed them something there that words couldn't ever say. You showed them how to handle setbacks, how to handle failure, how to persevere, how to endure. Right?
Speaker 1:Like, what do you do whenever everyone's cold and you're trying to start a fire and the fire won't start? Do you freak out and start, you know, or do you remain stable? Do you remain calm? So much more is cotton tu. Right?
Speaker 1:And so this gives boys yes. You're teaching them. You're saying, hey. Here's how to do it, but they're also watching you do it, which, in my opinion, is probably a thousand times more helpful.
Speaker 2:So Yeah. And that those things are much more likely to come out when you're stripped of all of your comforts, your coping mechanisms. And so it it it does create an environment where you can actually go there and that, you know, the the heart doesn't change when you have the comforts and coping mechanisms. It's just it's at some level, there's a noise that's keeping you from knowing what's in your heart. It's like when you fast, like, you naturally get cranky and hangry and upset.
Speaker 2:And it, in some ways, points to not just the lack of food, but just what's naturally, like, maybe in your heart and how you view the world and, at some level, silence and boredom, elevate your awareness of what's going on inside of you, and then create an environment where you're a lot more sensitive. And when you're more sensitive, you get to have the the conversation in a in a greater way. And so the wilderness exposes a lot of that. And now I I love that Jesus was led into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit, and there's I've heard two different interpretations there. It was like, one, that's a difficult experience that Jesus is walking through, and he's facing significant temptation.
Speaker 2:While also Jesus is alone with his heavenly father in the wilderness, a place of strength later on in all of the scripture where Jesus is getting away to be with God. And so I I do feel like in the same way, we can consider the wilderness as, like, making us weak, but there is strength that can be found in that place when we find ourselves, you know, fully exposed, fully vulnerable. And at some level, I I think that is a a a point that God was getting at with leading Jesus into the wilderness is that when Jesus is fully exposed, he's also fully known and strengthened by his heavenly father.
Speaker 1:So yeah. That's good. Okay. Number one, boys need safe opportunities to fail. Number two, we get to help boys or just mentees.
Speaker 1:You know? Anyone, kids, name and navigate big emotions. What's the third and final one, Murdoch, go?
Speaker 2:This is this is like a Galatians passage. Bear one another's burdens and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. At at one point in my life, I memorized the book of Galatians and turned it into a slam poem. But then Oh my gosh. That passage is my favorite.
Speaker 2:It's like, fulfill the law of Christ bearing one another's burdens. At some level, the these trips, there are there are many things that are, like, yours to carry. It's like, I'm I'm not carrying your drawers, but but there are other things that are, like, they're ours to carry. And and so whether it's water, whether it's tents, whether it's, you know, gear that everyone needs, the boys get to elect, like, what they're gonna carry for the team. And you're bearing one another's burdens.
Speaker 2:And at at some level, being a man is learning how to be a man for others. And, like, there is a self giving love that is is just the height of masculinity is self giving love, is benevolent responsibility for caring, protecting others. So when it when it comes to this trip, the boys get to learn how to bear one another's burdens, and they get their burdens borne by other men in the group. So Outdoor Adventures, I wanna shout them out. I I remember this vividly, but Eric Swithen, he had the boys, he laid out this sheet and he said, you guys are going into the wilderness for the next five days.
Speaker 2:You need this, this, this, and this. You you need a raincoat. You need these trousers. You need these socks. You need this kettle and all of this gear.
Speaker 2:He said, here is the list of everything that you need, and there is the box where all of it is. You've been given it all. You need to go take it. You need to receive it. And at some level, what he was also describing was, like, the gospel is, Jesus paid the penalty of sin.
Speaker 2:He conquered death. He rose from the dead. And if you trust with him, receive the gift of eternal life. You have to go seize it. Take it.
Speaker 2:It's for you. It's been given. What happens and and Eric shared this with me. He was like, every single time, somebody's not paying attention. Somebody forgets the socks.
Speaker 2:Somebody forgets their raincoat. Somebody forgets their headlamp. And and so they'll get out on and and this happened to us. We we got out there, and one one night, we were doing a night hike. We decided to, like, hike back in the dark.
Speaker 2:And so everyone's packing up their stuff, and we realized that two of the boys don't have their headlamp. They did not pack it. They forgot it. And so a a cool experience was that the mentors the mentors anytime the boys were lacking a piece of gear, the mentors gave it up and gave it to them. And so at the end of the trip, the mentors were left with no raincoats, no headlamps, and no socks, and they were just giving their gear to the boys.
Speaker 2:And at some level, the boys were feeling, you know, not only cared for, like, that their burdens were being borne, but at some level, the sacrifice that these men were making for them, and they were modeling and giving them an expression of what Jesus does for them, that Jesus does what they can't do, and he he he supplies their needs at his own expense. And that is a a picture of the gospel that I will never forget, that those mentors chose to walk in the dark so that those boys could walk in the light. And I just feel like then you would find the boys giving up their gear for other people. They would as they receive, they would give it away. They they would, you know, they would wanna be a part of that general generous spirit of, like, giving up their raincoat and getting wet just so that someone else could stay dry.
Speaker 2:I I feel like those things, that's what it's all about. It it also goes extends to the campfire, where it's like, if you, you know, campfires are incredible places for listening, for sharing stories, for becoming vulnerable, for getting authentic, and at some level, unburdening yourself with other people allows you to be carried and also creates an environment where other people can lay down what's burdening them, and they can feel like, oh, the the me too moments where it's like, I've I've struggled with that as well. And so at some level, creating those spaces where people can be real, people can share I mean, sharing literally is caring. And so bearing one another's burdens, some sometimes looking like looks like giving someone a headlamp so they can walk in the light.
Speaker 1:When I Also say this, just like going on a trip, what a great way for mentors to bond with other mentors as well and for y'all to truly kinda become a family. You know? Like, I don't know about you, but sometimes it's hard to mentor. Sometimes you've got ups and downs. It's a whole lot easier to stay in the game if you've got other mentors that you've done these kinds of trips with because they're not just your co mentors, but now they're your friends.
Speaker 1:And they understand you, and they understand what it means to try to mentor some of the kids that we're spending time with. And, also, it's the same thing for the kiddos as well. Like, you get a chance to make friends. You know? Like, so many of our friends, they just I mean, so often, our minties just sit in their apartments all day and just watch TV.
Speaker 1:Like, what a great way to get in a new spot to make new friends. And so, man, our boys need safe opportunities to fail. We get to help them name and navigate big emotions, and then we get to show them what it looks like to bear one another's burdens. Stephen, if people wanna find out more about how to do some of these things, how can they contact you, and how can they contact Eric Swithen as well?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. I I I would I would look out for Outdoor Adventures in the show notes. Eric Swithin, he he's an awesome guy, and he's he's raising up a team, even even just a a fatherlessness coalition. And then there's there's WayForward Adventures.
Speaker 2:That's another partner that we've used. And our our primary partner here in Dallas is Camp Firewalker. So if if they could be a resource just for what it looks like to start something similar, they had a friend who passed away, and this was the way that they chose to honor him was by giving kids in the inner city outdoor experiences. And and so Camp Firewalker is a good model for what that looks like. And and they are not Forerunner, but there's a complementarity to our relationship that really serves the same purpose.
Speaker 2:And so for them, they say, we have all the gear. We have all this land. We have all this desire, but we have no boys. And for us, we have all the boys and no gear and and limited desire. You you said that I would pick up the snake.
Speaker 2:I am not the guy that picks up the snake. I am the guy that runs away. So at some level, that that's the intersection where, really, like, nonprofit partnerships, that should be the standard for what it looks like.
Speaker 1:And, also, I just not the same thing, but Kids Across America, big shout out to KAA, mister Randy Odom. They do an amazing job out there. It's an awesome place as well. So partnerships, they help. They are the real deal.
Speaker 1:It's a good thing. Pursue them. Obviously, you know, test and see if they're good people and all all of that jazz. But for us, it's been a game changer. So Yeah.
Speaker 1:Alright. Murdoch, thank you for your time today. Remember, you can mentor. You can mentor indoors. You can mentor outdoors.
Speaker 1:You can mentor with an Achilles. You can mentor without an Achilles. You can mentor with, you know, hair that has some kind of gel in it. You can mentor a ball like Steven. You can mentor all I I could go on for days.
Speaker 1:I could just keep going. But remember, you can mentor. We love you. Check out the pod. Mentoring the Leadership Summit coming up in April.
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Speaker 1:Bye. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Our vision is to raise up and invest in mentoring leaders who will launch and grow thriving mentoring ministries. We do that by equipping and encouraging faith based leaders through relational connection, Christ centered resources, and collaborative gatherings. Check out our books, come to the National Christian Mentoring Gathering, and engage with our network and cohorts.
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