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You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
Hey guys. Welcome back to the Dad Tired podcast. I just wanna say right up front, um, last week I recorded an episode called Find the Dead Rat, and I shared some lies that I've been believing personally. And um, I think out of the nine years I've been doing this podcast, that probably was the most responded to episode I've ever done in terms of I.
The amount of people who reached out to me this week with a text message or a note or an email. And I just wanna say, first of all, thank you. Um, I, I was like overwhelmed. It was hard for me to keep up with the amount of messages I was getting. Um, I think some of that is one you guys are just. You guys are really good dudes and you want to be encouraging, and I was deeply encouraged this week.
My tank has been filled up. Um, I think also maybe it struck a nerve because I think the enemy is just whispering lies into each of our lives constantly. And so anyway, first of all, I just wanna say thank you and then second of all. I wanna say I'm proud of you for digging into the own, your own lies that you're personally believing and, um, wrestling with what it looks like to believe the gospel and what Jesus says about you.
So thank you and I'm proud of you. Um, I also wanna say, um, we are starting November at the end of every year. I. For the last nine years, we have done fundraising. I purposely don't talk about fundraising. We are a nonprofit. We rely on fundraising. Um, but I just never want to be a podcast that just like constantly throws that in your face.
Um, nobody likes that. So at the end of every year, we do a big campaign to help raise the funds that we need going into the next year. Um, we've always done anywhere from like 30, even on a maybe a big side, $50,000. We've had a donor in the past who would match donations for us. They did that for us last year, and that really helped us kind of get a lot done this year.
Um, this particular year, like going into this coming year, um, I have. An audacious goal. Um, I'm n like, even as I'm talking about it right now, my heart started to beat a little bit faster. Um, I just, I told you guys this a couple weeks ago. I genuinely believe that God is moving us into the next season of Dad tired.
We've been doing this for nine years. We're not necessarily rookies, but we are still a young ministry, but I just think that God is now moving us into a new phase. You've seen it like even the last. Month or two. We've been doing more episodes. We've tripled the amount of episodes that we do. Again, that's all for free.
We have a family leadership program where hundreds, I think we've passed over a thousand guys who've gone through that program. That is free if you, it's just a pay what you can. So if finance finances are an issue, you can jump into that for free. Um, but this coming year, one dream that Caleb, Chris and I have is that we would do a dad tired conference in every time zone, um, coming up over the next year or two.
So obviously these kind of goals, um, are big and they have a, they take resources. One of the big things that we want to do is not just be a content. We, we know that we're not just a content ministry, like a big part of the dad tired ministry is community. The amount of guys who are meeting other dad tired guys, I.
Confessing sin, sharing life, becoming brothers, and as a result, their families are getting changed. We've shared story after story. We've heard dozens and dozens of stories of that being true, and so we're, we've been working on a custom app where it would allow you to, one, get all the content in one place, sign up for all the events in one place, but also meet all the guys from the dad tired community in one spot.
Just really clean custom map. It's been a goal for a long time, and we're gonna move forward with it. But that being said, it's expensive. Just that one piece of what we're trying to do is expensive. So my audacious goal for this next year is to raise a hundred thousand dollars. Yeah, literally my heart just, uh, like beat went faster.
As I said that. Um, I'm nervous to even say that 'cause there's a part of me that's like, I don't know if we can do that, but I'm just believing, I'm believing that God is using this ministry. I think we are like, if I could just humbly say, I think. God has used at Tire to be one of the biggest ministry men's ministries in the country to reach men for his glory.
And um, as long as he allows us to keep being part of that dude, we're gonna just put our nose down and grind hard and work unto the Lord and, and have him use us for his glory and for his kingdom. So. Anyway, I, this is long-winded, but we do this every November and December. I, I humbly ask you guys to chip in to lock arms with us and to help us reach more men for the gospel, if that's something you would be willing to do to help us reach that goal.
If you go to dad tire.com and then click the donate tab, we would love to have you help us reach that goal. Uh, also want to thank our friends over at Range Leather for sponsoring this episode. I know a lot of you guys are thinking through holiday shopping. Specifically for your wife, which is super hard to figure out what to get your wife.
Um, definitely check out Range Leather. They're based in Wyoming. They are a faith-driven team, um, in Wyoming and they have handcrafted, beautiful, handcrafted products. All unique because they have full grain leather that they make right there in the US in their own workshop. This hat that I'm wearing here is part of the Range Leather products.
Um, two of their most popular products for women are the. Aetna Belt Bag and the Kennedy Cross Body. These are really great unique gift ideas for your wives. They age beautifully. As they get older, they actually look better over time. Uh, Tim, the COO of Range Leather is part of our Dad Tower community. Big fan of what we are doing and we're big fans of what he is doing and the team is doing over there.
If you go to range leather.com/dad tired, use the promo code. Dad tired, you can get 15% off. Again, that's range leather.com. Forward slash dad's hired and use the promo code. Dad's hired to get 15% off.
David, so excited, man to be hanging out with you today. I just wanna say upfront, you know, and we live in a culture where, um, people are always kind of skeptical, especially dudes. Dudes are naturally skeptical. Like, what's this guy about? Uh, we, we have a, um, kind of. Bad reputation of judging each other and sizing each other up before we really get to know each other.
All that to say, you know, sometimes when a guest comes on, they're like, who is this guy? I wanna say, uh, I have thrown you so many curve balls from the time that we were supposed to meet, and you have been so gracious, bro. So we've known each other for like three minutes and I already know that you are a kind dude and you are a gracious guy.
So I want to thank you for that and for, uh, being so flexible. But for the audience who may not be familiar with you, tell us who you are and what you're up to these days. Well, my name is, uh, David Pollock. Um, I can, I have the ability to fool people in three minutes. Um, thank you Jared. Um, no, I, uh, I played football for the, uh, the, the Bengals.
Uh, I played football for the University of Georgia growing up. Um, I'm a father of two. Nicholas and Leah and, uh, Nicholas is 16. He's a sophomore in high school. Leah is a freshman and she's a, so she's, uh, starting her journey in high school and girls at 14 are really fun. Mm-hmm. Um, married my high school sweetheart, my baby all.
Um, that the only girlfriend I've ever had, we've been married for almost 20 years, so, and then I've done commentating with ESPN, and so I've done a little bit of every, everything, but I, I do, I started a podcast very similar to your vein called Family Goals and trying to help dads and he equip dads because I tell my son all the time, he is 16, bro, I'm learning on the job.
Yeah. I ha I didn't have another one before you and, and I didn't know how to parent and how to do X, y, and Z and you're just the unlucky one. That had to be first. Yeah. And, um, so just learning on the job, but definitely have learned some things along the way that can, uh, can help others too. I love it, man.
I wanna dive into all that. Um, have, do you know, are you familiar with Nate Bari? Oh, of course the, the comedian you heard, heard, of course, his joke where he talks about like, from the way that his parents went from him, like being so strict with him to like his, his little sister, and she's like, she's got tattoos and she's drinking in front of her kids, whatever about it.
I was like, bro, it's so true, dude. My FII can totally relate. I have a 13-year-old boy. He's my oldest and three little girls after him. You know, the way I'm parenting my 3-year-old right now versus how I parented him at three, I just, I'm sorry to him, you know, I, I definitely more laxed. Um, dude, I wanna hear about your football journey.
Before we dive into what you're like doing now, what, what was that all about? Um, he started football when I was six years old, man. And, um, I was, I was, I thought I was made, I thought God put me on this earth to play football just with my body type and my energy and my physicality. And so the time I was six years old, I told everybody that would listen.
Like I'm gonna play in the NFL. And it was a goal and it was a dream. And, um, I grew up about 45 minutes from Georgia. I did not choose Georgia because I grew up a Georgia fan. I chose Georgia 'cause my baby doll was in high school and she had two more years of high school and that was 45 minutes down the road and I wasn't leaving her.
Um, went to Georgia, you know, had had some success at Georgia. And then I got drafted with the 17th pick by the Cincinnati Bengals. And then my second year in the NFL, um, life comes at you fast, big goals, big dreams. And um, you know, my neck, my, I had a career ending neck injury. I broke my neck my second season.
No way. And then it was over bam. Like that in one play. So what year was that? A lot of dreams and a lot of time spent. And then, uh, and then it was gone. Just like that. That's insane, dude. What, what year was that? That was oh five. Dang man. It was awesome because man, you talk about, you talk about being a better dad, like at 22 years old, to be able to experience that and go through that and, and, and have a trial like that, man, it was, it was fantastic.
It was unbelievable. 'cause you realize. You know, I, I realized my bride, first of all, married a an NFL player who was supposed to make millions of dollars and be big and strong and healthy. And she was my nurse for two years. Like she had to take ca, she had to clean my halo scars and she had to, you know, give me sponge baths, which weren't all that bad, I'm not gonna lie.
Um, but um, but I really learned how important it was, man, and how I picked the right one and yeah, you know, for better or for worse. And it was worse really quickly in our marriage. And so I think, um. Man, I'm a, I'm a better, I'm a better husband. I'm a better father. Uh, I learned, I learned through my trial, you know, God's gonna take us through things in our lives and some things, some things I think he's gonna take us around and he is gonna protect us, but then there's some things we can only learn if he takes us directly through it.
And that was one of those things, man, that was, that was hard. And um, and it was awesome because I got to be still, and the Bible says, be still and know that I am God. It's the first time that I had done that because busy, busy, busy, go, go, go, run, lift, do this, chase, chase, and then, you know, an extended period of time where didn't do any of that and I couldn't do any of that.
And you go from being big and strong to, you're holding, you're, you're barely you, you want to use your arms. Because I had temporary, you know, paralysis and stuff in my arms. So, um, just a, a, a big, huge revealing moment, a moment God used to teach me so much about myself that leads down the road to being a parent, to being a friend, to being a son, to being a husband.
Wow. Did you know, like when you had the neck injury and you said you had temporary paralysis, did they know that that was temporary or did you think that that could be permanent? Yeah, because, because I started feeling stuff back pretty quickly. Okay. In, in my hands. And I'm, I'm out because my legs were, when I had the injury, my legs were kicking like crazy.
Um, but my arms were, were kinda like when you fall asleep on your hands. Yeah. And you wake up and you're like, oh, crap. Like, and you're scared to death. I, I remember that, um, that feeling like it was yesterday and then. Um, no, I mean I started to have feeling, feeling back pretty quickly, which was awesome.
Um, 'cause it was, it was, it was actually so scary. And then, um, you know, really quickly started to understand it was a journey, you know, it was gonna be neck brace, it was gonna be halo, it was gonna be neck brace, it was gonna be surgery, like, you know, an extended two year period of time where it was gonna be a while and, 'cause I had a burst fracture, so like the C six vertebrae.
Instead of cracking it or chipping it like mine burst and when it burst, thank you, Jesus. It burst in my spot on cords here and it nicked it as opposed to this much more in that direction. And I'm in a wheelchair, so geez. Um. I mean, grateful, thankful, and I had two main goals in life. Like my, my first goal was to play in the NFL.
My second goal was to be a dad. Yeah. Like I, I knew man, when I was younger, I loved kids. I wanted a bunch of kids. And so to know that. I was blessed to escape that and not have paralysis. And to be able to live a normal life and to be able to have babies, which was so important to me, man, it was like that was an easy decision.
I could've gone back and played in the NFLI absolutely could've. And um, but I had no desire to, I mean, not with, 'cause I was at more risk than anybody else. 'cause now when you got, you know, plates and screws in your neck, when your neck turns, it doesn't go as far. And obviously the chances of something happening are greater.
And, um, no thank you. Man, were you, um, were you following Jesus at that point in your life? Yeah. Yeah. I, I found faith as a senior in high school. Okay. What, how did that happen? I. It was cool, man. Um, I tell this story a lot and I love to share this story did not grow up in a, in a household of faith at all.
I have two of the best parents I in the world, but we just didn't go to church and, and I had a neighbor across the street, the Brentwood, and they're like, Hey man, we're having a lock-in. You want to come? I was like, what the heck is a lock in, bro? It is like you go to the church. And they lock you in. I was like, no, absolutely not.
Why would I go, don't be part of your cult Yeah. Prison cult. Yes. Why would I, why would I go to that? Like, what are you talking about? And then, um, they said the magic words, you get to stay up all night and you get to play sports. I. Okay. Yeah. Sold. And, and that got me there. And I tell people all the time, man, like wherever you are at in your walk, you don't have to be, um, so sound biblically that you can quote all the scriptures and, and lead somebody to Christ.
Anybody can send an invite. Yeah. And that's what they did, man. They literally sent an invite and they let the pastors and the other people in the church do the work. And it's the first time I heard Jesus and it, it didn't take then, but it was the first seed planted in my life. And then I had a teacher in, in English class and his name was Mark Watson.
And, and this dude was different. Like he lived a life that was just so different. He was so calm. He was so cool, easygoing, like just. Meek, but, but strong, like just had this, this presence about him. And he had a Jesus sticker on his computer and uh, played praise and worship music between, between classes.
And I was at a public school and he, and he was a physics teacher, so it was kind of strange and it stuck out. And so for outside reading for English, you have to read 200 pages. Well, I told my English teacher, I was like, Hey, I'd like to read the Bible. And she was like, Nope, nope, absolutely not. And I was like, why not?
She was like, 'cause I can't meet with you. I can't make sure you read it. I said. Mr. Watson can, and Mr. I went and asked Mr. Watson and he said, absolutely. Wow. So two things about that, that, that, that I want everybody to realize is like the invite was, was step one, the life lived verse emulating. Because if, if, if you do know all the scriptures and you do know how to say it, if you don't live a life that people look at and go, man, something's different, something special.
Then a lot of times you don't get that opportunity to get to that point. Yeah. So he lived his life in a way that I was like, dude, that's really cool, man. Something's different about him and in our lives and the way we live them is our biggest testimony by far. That's the biggest way and the best way that we're gonna represent our heavenly Father.
And by the way, we can turn people on really well. And we can turn them really off and, and make people wanna run away from faith. So, um, tho those, those, that's the story. And um, and then I went to Georgia and it was even better 'cause I had a coach, coach Rick, who was a believer in FCA and it just, and I continued to grow and in my faith.
Wow. Um, what did your parents think as you were getting deeper in your faith? Well, they didn't really know. They, they were kinda like, you know, that's, that's a little strange. You know, I, I started to go to church and, and they didn't go to church with me. And, uh, and, and that was okay. We've never, we never went to church as a family until the last, um, six months in the Pollock family household.
Hmm. But, um, it was, it was strange. I think it was foreign, but it was so cool, man, because you talk about those things that, that happened that led me to faith. My mama calls me. I'm, uh, I'm at IMG academies training for the NFL combine. And mama calls and she goes, Hey, I'm really struggling. And she had some things going on in her life that was really, really hard.
And I was like, okay, you know, that's okay. Those are temporal things. Those aren't, it's not a big deal. And she's like, I don't understand. And I was like, what? She goes, I don't understand how you have so much peace and how you're so okay with everything. She's like, you got all this stuff going around you in a first round pick and all this Georgia stuff.
And she was like, and I was like, mom, it's, it's not me. It's he. You know, and, and I got to walk my mama through, through the scriptures and, um. It led my mom to Christ on the phone. No way. Still makes me tear up, by the way to this day. But it was, uh, it was one of the cooler moments and, uh, just being able to, being able to do that now my daddy's in church with us ev every week.
Uh, my brother's in church. And, um, it was just a, an awesome moment. But it was Mark Watson, you know, who lived a life and, and showed me what that looked like. It was the Greenwoods who invited me. You know, to, to church for the first time that it was able to, to live a life like that, that my mama could look at and be like, Hey, that's, that's really cool.
I want that too, man. I can see that head of nerve, bro. That's, that's amazing that God would use this kid across the street to invite you to this weird cult lock in sleepover and that that would eventually end, uh, not end, but in the continuum of the salvation of your parents, which is dude, only God can do that stuff.
Only him. Um, that's incredible, man. And so you're close to your dad? Oh yeah. Oh, my dad and my dad and mom are in, in church every Sunday with us. They're at every sporting event with us. They're at, you know, the grand babies are. Baby girl plays basketball. They're at every game. Baby girl plays the flag football, they're in every game.
My son plays football. They're at every game. Like they're, they are all up in the mix everywhere, all the time. Did you, uh, this is a side note, but, uh, did your son want to play football and did you let him, if he did. I, I, he, he wanted to play football. Yeah. Okay. He wanted to play football at a young age.
And, um, now listen, I, I, I was the coach and I was very, uh, hands on. And as long as I was the coach, I was absolutely fine with it because I. I know you don't need to beat the crap out of each other. I know how to teach people to tackle correctly. Um, so yeah, I, I was okay with, I was absolutely okay with him playing football, but you know, there's, there's obviously injuries, things that happen in football a hundred percent.
Like those happen all the time. Yeah. And you're just gonna continue to see 'em. But I do like the, what football's done to change the game to make it more healthy. You see so much they're taking the head out and if you wanna use the head, you're gonna get kicked out and Yeah. In my day when you used the head, it was like, yes, you made SportsCenter top 10.
And so, yeah. It's definitely a, a changing, evolving game, which I, I, I like, I like about it. I didn't like it at first, but I like it now. Yeah. Um, dude, it's crazy that you, you, you said she's, your, your wife was your only girlfriend and, uh, that's all that what a gift for, for marriage. There's like so many things that marriages have to deal with just from like past relationships and trying to figure out hurt and all that stuff.
So that's a huge gift. Um, yeah. What do you It was, it was no part of my life and I didn't want girls a part of my life for a long time. I knew I liked girls to be clear, but, um, but, uh, football was like my passion. It just, I, I didn't have, you know, I, I knew from a young age too, man, I, I gave up a lot like.
At six years old, I told you I knew I wanted to play in the NFL. And I'll never forget in eighth grade, I'm watching the, the World Cup and it's when Brandy Chastain won and they ripped off the shirt, that iconic moment. And, um, during the broadcast, they said the girls stopped, uh, stopped drinking carbonation because it hurt their conditioning.
So I'm an eighth grader. That's the last time I touched the carbonated beverage in my life. Wow. Like I was, I was focused man, and I knew I had to give up things to get where I wanted to go. And that wasn't really a part of the plan. But then. Enters baby doll and um, Lindsay. And it was, uh, it was different.
Like I just, and, and it was cool because I was, I was, I had just been saved several months before. She was a huge believer living out her faith. And so it was just like God was like protecting me, you know? He was protecting me until that moment because there's no telling what, what I would've done and what would've happened.
And then it was in that moment it was like, okay, now you're ready. And I met Lindsay and, um, you know, I honestly. My faith grew even more because she taught me really how to love and how to treat people and she's so kind. And so she was living and walking out her faith in a way that I was, it was more inspiring and teaching me how to continue to walk out mine.
'cause listen, just because I got saved doesn't mean I was all the sudden this great dude like, yeah, there's a process over the last. 20 years of sanctification that's been going on with your boy and still going on. So like I'm, I'm still battling things that, um, that I need to continue to grow on and get better.
But God, it's awesome to watch God work and the things I'm struggling with then are not the things I'm struggling with now. And he continues to take those things on himself and, and, and leave him and take him from me, which is, which is fantastic. Yeah, I, dude sometimes, um, I'm 37, so sometimes I'll, I'll get in my head and I'm just like, dude, I, I should be so much more mature in my faith.
I should be so much more mature at this point in my life. I've been, follow God for decades now. Uh, and I can kind of get into this like weird shame, but I also look back in my life and I'm like, I'm, but I'm also not making the same mistakes I was making at like 17 or even 27, you know, like God is, even though it's a grind, it feels like I'm going through the mud that sanctification.
You know, the churchy word for just like God making me more like him. That slow process of just like, dude, God is chipping away that when he says he's faithful to complete what he started in us. Sometimes it when you're just, when you're in it, it's like, are you God? 'cause I feel like I'm still a mess, you know?
But it's like, but you zoom out and you're like, no, he's faithful. Like he, I am growing slowly. He is faithful to complete this thing. We absolutely do that, and that's gonna be normal, but we just gotta remember what God says about us. And that's, and that's to me, like I, I, every time I talk with people, I love to share this thing, especially with kids.
And, and I'll do it really quickly, but like, there's three ways to define identity and identity can be defined. I. From the inside out, what I think about myself, what I say about myself. So whatever you say about yourself, which is gonna fluctuate on the daily 'cause sometimes I feel good, sometimes I feel bad, or then it's the other way you can do it is outside in what other people say about me.
Y'all know how that's gonna go. 'cause some people will like you, some people won't. Some people like happy people. Some people like sad people. Some people like rich people. Some people like poor people. Some people don't like people, okay. You know those people. If you don't, you're probably one of them. Um, and so like if we're always living from the outside in, it's gonna be turbulent.
But what does God say about me? I am redeemed. I am loved. I am a saint that sins, and I'm going to continue to sin as long as I am on this earth until I meet, until I meet my maker. And so I think if we can remind ourselves of that, but then also remind ourselves like the same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in me.
Yeah, like, so I can do all things. I can do amazing things. He can do amazing things through me. So I think it's, it's, it's always gonna be a battle. And we wanna revert to the other ones sometimes, but man, we gotta remember what God says about us. Yeah. That's good, bro. That's really, really good. We're first sons before we're anything else?
We're sons. Um, do you, did you find it. Um, and your personality, like obviously you have to be incredibly driven. I know, um, a few professional athletes and you guys are just a different breed, like to make it to that level, uh, you, your brain is wired differently. Um, like you hear the carbonated drink thing and it's like, I'm never gonna drink a carbonated drink.
That's a different, your brain is thinking different. Um, did you take that kind of disciplined thinking and apply it to your Christian faith? I have a question, like a follow up question to that, but like. First, I just wanna hear like, were you, are you as disciplined in your faith, in your, in your like spiritual disciplines as you were?
In your kind of personal life? I, I definitely wasn't at first. Um, but yeah, I, I'm not really, so, so I'm not the type of person because probably because of my background most of anything, but like, I don't have the off switch, so I. I don't drink alcohol because I don't have an all switch. Never have, I'm never going to, that's just not something I don't gamble because I don't have the all switch.
So when I'm all in on something, I'm all in. And now I, I've learned though, like the different phases of life with kids. Like right now I'm also all in with a lot of different areas and a lot of different things that are going on. And so I think that you can get distracted. So the best thing that I've figured out for me is like, I gotta be.
Selfless in the mor, or I gotta be selfish in the morning so I can be selfless the rest of the day. Like I've learned that my Jesus has to come in the morning. My Bible studies have to come in the morning. My reading has to come in the morning, not just because I might not do it, which is a fact because the longer the day goes, I might not.
But man, when I put it in here in the morning, it's amazing how much it comes outta here throughout my day. Like it's amazing how much he meets. To me in my day. And it's amazing how much, when I invite him into all the things going on in my life that he shows up consistently. So I think it's been a, it's been a thought like, you gotta learn how to study the word, you gotta learn what to study, you gotta learn who to listen to, and.
So, but I think once you do and you get, just like as an athlete, you get your, your body rhythm and what works for you and the scenarios that work for you. And then you start to apply 'em with, uh, with, with consistency. And then I think it's the small little growth over a long period of time. Yeah. That's good, man.
The part, the kind of the, the follow up question to that is, so we both have sons, teenage sons and, um. One of the things that I've noticed in myself was, um, as I'm, as I'm parenting him, is I'm, I'm having a hard time getting him to have the same drive that I had as a teenager. So you even like your example of the carbonated drink, coming back to that, like you were able to turn on a switch and just like, I'm gonna do this.
And there were moments in my life. Whether it be sports or ambition, something I, a goal that I was driving after that, I'm like, dude, I'm going after this and I ha and I have something I'm chasing after. And I'm noticing sometimes when I. You know, I'm trying hard not to pick on my son. I love my, as the podcast gets more public, you know, it's hard to like talk about your kids when he was like two, I could talk about his thing, you know, but now he's 13.
I don't wanna throw all his laundry out there. But, you know, it is hard, man. I'm just like, how do you push your son or our kids to have that same drive that we have, um, without pushing him too hard? I love that because I, I do it all the time with mine and, and, um, and unfortunately they'll listen sometimes and they'll be like, Hey dude, what, why you throwing me under the bus?
Um, so here's the thing. Kids are different nowadays. I mean, they're definitely different. The world they live in is different. Um, the people that have access to them are different because with social media, if you choose to let your kids get on social media, like somebody in Australia can, can motivate them this morning or influence them this morning, like that's the world's bigger than it's ever been, and it's smaller or smaller than it's ever been because you can get to anybody at any time.
Um, I think it's hard because we also are teaching the things that are important. I didn't have perspective, I didn't understand, I didn't understand how to, to treat people. I, I didn't understand how to show kindness, to show compassion. So I, I asked my, my son to show this, but then in sports, I want him to be a killer, like, mm-hmm.
You're growing up in a different way, so he's, he's learning different things and, and I, I think that we forget, man, I think we really forget, like where we were at and what we did. I'm the same person that told you I, I stopped carbonated beverages in eighth grade. I'm also the same person that quit high school football as a sophomore because I wasn't playing so.
We've gotta remember we're not the person we were and we're not who we think we were at that age. Yeah, that's a lie. That's an absolute lie. If you think you were super disciplined at your age and you were so special. Sure in your head you probably were, but you don't know what you, you didn't know what you know now.
What we know now and how to, how to be wise and how to work and our work ethic and what to give up. It's grown so much over the years and here's a big thing with me and it should be with every parent. Help your kids live their age. Like, help them be exactly where they are, meet them where they are. So wherever they're at, I gotta do a good job of plugging into their lives and being where they're at.
Like several years ago, my son picked up Fortnite and with his butt, and they love playing Fortnite. I, I played Fortnite, I jumped in and I played with him. And I, I'm, I'm all in, dude. Like I, I'm, I'm gonna be in wherever. No off switch, bro. You're just killing everybody. I mean, you gotta plug in, dude, like I, I've got, I wanna be a part of his life.
And listen, as they get older, it gets weirder and the conversations get weird. And, and, and when you have a daughter, it, it gets a little bit different. The worst thing we can do as parents is allow that weirdness to pull out. And now we don't communicate. Now you're literally removing yourself from their world.
So they're thinking you're not in their world anymore, like they're doing this solo. You gotta keep showing up and finding ways to plug into their lives and to love on them and to meet them where they're at. It might be awkward. My baby girl, one of her. Love languages is physical touch. She's 14. Okay.
It's weird. She's starting to develop body parts. It's different. You know what? It ain't hard for me to walk behind my baby girl and put my arm on her shoulder and give her a side hug and just start talking to her because I know she feels love that way. Yeah. Like I have to fulfill that love language. I have to meet them where they're at, and I have to help them live their age.
So. I think it, I think we blow out a proportion how much we did and how driven we were. And, and we, we, we put that on them. And a lot of times to me it, it comes from a place of performance based. It's performance based parenting. Do you really wanna be a performance based parent? Because if you do. That's a miserable dude to live with.
Absolutely miserable. If I'm not, if I don't do well, my parents don't. My parents are pissed. My dad's pissed. Like that is absolutely miserable. If I say the wrong thing, I'm getting this like learn to be grace based. And like to come in and, and meet 'em where they're at and realize they're gonna make mistakes and talk about the things that we mess up.
Talk about the things that you mess up. And I think it helps them to, to live their age and not worry about like, I have to perform for mom and dad. That's cool, man. It's cool hearing that from you, uh, because that's really what the heart of what I was trying to get at was you being such a performance driven guy.
Your whole life. And then how do you shut that off with your kids? And it sounds like you, you're thinking through that and trying to be the most intentional you can. It's really hard though. I I mean, it's not easy. It's a hundred percent not easy. And, and it's definitely through time and, and learning systems and, and putting here, here's the biggest way that I've done that, man.
That me and my wife will look at each other and we go, okay. 'cause I'm all about takeaways. 'cause I'm, I'm, I'm a defensive lineman. I have my hand in the dirt. I'm not very bright, like sea ball get balls, which you need to know on defense. And so, like, me and my wife will literally look at something, 'cause my daughter has a lot of attitude at 14.
Like, she's just got a lot. And I'll literally look at my wife and we'll look at each other and be like, all right. Because, because our main thing is, is it a heart issue? Like is that a heart issue? Yeah. Or is that a issue about something else that really isn't here? If it's here, we gonna fight it. If it's a heart issue, we will stand in there and fight it.
But otherwise we're nitpicking all the time to always, and we're always gonna have something with her right now in her stage because that's just the stage she's at. And so we'll always have this while I have energy to fight fights and I can go, do I really wanna do that all the time? No. So I'm gonna pick the heart issues and I'll battle those and I'm gonna leave some of the other stuff off to the side.
Yeah, dude, man, that's really, really good. I love the parenting, the heart stuff is like, that's right up my alley as far as stuff I want to do. I think the way that you're, you're articulating that is really, really cool, man. Uh, is you just wrote a children's book. Is that like a, did you always plan on writing a book, children's book?
Absolutely not. I just told you I played defense. I wasn't gonna tie those two things together. But you, you know, if you want to. No, I mean, I, I, dude, I, so I got fired from E-S-P-N-A couple of years ago and, um. Really the art of the possible in my head started happening and, and just like, what do, okay, what do you want to do the rest of your life?
Like, where do you want? And my thing with God is like, where do you want me? Like I'm a high school football coach. I'm a high school girl's basketball coach. Like if that's where you want me to have access to 150 kids a year, then I can talk to 'em about my faith and my journey and help them be the best version of themselves.
I'm there. And so I just never assumed that it would be writing a children's book. I'm writing another book as well, uh, uh, a different book, and I'm, which is just so you know, I don't get still very often. So to get still and to have these thoughts and to think through things has, has been difficult, but it's been super fun.
But, you know, it's, it's kind of what we're just talking about. But 60% of kids now quit sports by the age of 13 because it's hard and because the requirements are tough and it becomes difficult and they quit and it's just. It's very frustrating because I think sports is one of the best teachers in life and we want our kids involved in a lot of activities if we can help it, man, because it helps them.
It helps them face adversity and winning and losing and teamwork and all the things that comes with it. So I think the reasons they quit is because a lot of times as parents, we allow them to quit, which I don't think we should. But also how we approach sport to me is why we let let them quit. If, if your kids come home from a baseball game and they hit a home run and the first thing outta your mouth is, oh, that was an awesome home run.
Okay. What did you just solidify to them? Home run equals success. Like you score a touchdown, great to, that touchdown was amazing. You're not meaning to, but I'm putting the, I'm putting the success as the results. I don't want to be results driven. Again, we just talked about that, right? Like, I want to be, I wanna be that, are you a great teammate?
Are you trying as hard as you can? Like every day it's gonna be kind of difficult. So the kid in the book, man, he just, he loves football, his older brother plays and it's all about football. And then he goes and plays and the three Hs come in. It's, it's hot. It's hard and it hurts. Guess what? Life is gonna be hot.
It's gonna be hard and it's gonna hurt. And so how do we teach our kids to, to form the, to phrase things in their head and go, I'm, I'm gonna show up, be a great teammate, work as hard as I can with a great attitude. And I think when we teach them that, and if we can get, give that to 'em, I think when the storms of life come, they'll be ready for it.
Yeah. They've seen it. They know. Okay, now I just plug in. I work really, really hard. I don't worry about the results. Yeah. Yeah. It is such a great training ground for so many thing. Lessons in life. How do you, I think a lot of parents feel like, um, I've certainly felt this where I want my kids to play all the sports, but I feel like sports have gotten to the place recently where they just take over your lot.
Like people are miss. It becomes the only thing that you can do, like if you wanna play at 13 years old. The only thing you're gonna do is play that sport. It's gonna be year round. It's gonna cost you a thousand bucks every couple months or what, you know what I mean? It's just become so intense. You anything on this before?
No. Okay. So you just, you just hit a sweet spot. You hit a nerve. Um, professional. I was a professional athlete. And, and I just, I wanna tell all you ki all your parents, like, I rode my bike around the neighborhood. I didn't have a personal trainer, I didn't have a private coach. I had a blessing from God. God gave me the ability to play football.
God gave me a big legs and booty. God gave me a mindset that was different and like you're, you're more likely to turn your kid off than you are to turn your kid onto something special. Hmm. That's the facts. Like, that's the reality of it. They're either gonna be really, really good or they're not. And it's gonna have a, a little to do with you.
But here's what I notice in this country, everybody's making money off of youth league sports. So the tournaments are, there's a plethora of tournaments you can go every single weekend. There's a gold bracket, there's a silver bracket, there's a bronze bracket. Like we'll give, we'll give you a place to play because your money is green and we like green and they're gonna keep running those tournaments.
And, and here's my challenge. If you are a parent that is sport driven and that's your thing, so be it. That's fine. You're gonna raise a kid. That's, life is defined by sports where he will, she will hang their cleats or their shoes up at some point in their life. That's a fact. A hundred percent. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. And it's probably gonna be a lot earlier than you want mom or dad, but they're going to, like, at some point, everyone will hang them up. And so my challenge would be, what are the most important things in life for the, for your kids every Wednesday night? Lasts. When my son was 12 through 1415, we had Wednesday night basketball practice in my gym.
We built a big metal building outside with a, with an indoor basketball court. We had practice there every Wednesday night. We went to church because church is more important than basketball. God is more important than sport. Every Sunday, we'll go to church in our uniform and then we'll get to the games.
Think about how powerful that is that you show your kids. We'll go to church and then after church we'll go to sport. Otherwise, we Ms. Church. Like I have several people that I know that baseball season, I don't even see 'em, I don't even know if they go to our church anymore. They're gone for months and months and months.
It's baseball season. This is what we do. First of all, that team you're on doesn't decide your future like we just talked about. But here's the thing. You're showing your kid that sport's more important than God. And I'm not saying that. I tell them all the time, it doesn't matter what you tell them, it matters what you show them.
And every week you're at baseball. So baseball is more important than God. I would argue that, man, show up at church in your uniform. If you wanna leave a little bit early, leave a little bit early. If you miss a baseball game, no one cares. Like the older you get, it, it, it's harder when you're in that stage.
And it was harder for me when I was in that stage, and that's why I talk about this so passionately because I wish I could go back and do this over. I didn't get it until my kids were like, my son was like in sixth, seventh grade. Um, but. It doesn't matter. Those games are worthless. Most of the sport you play all growing up, you're, you're not gonna play two of the three or one of the three.
So you're just wasting all this time when you could be having family time. Mm-hmm. When you could be in church, you could be doing fun things. And so I would challenge people to do less because when you get to high school, I'm a high school football coach, we're gonna take a lot of your time. Like we're gonna take most, we're gonna take almost all your summer.
And so while you have these opportunities, keep sport what it should be. It should be fun. If it's fun, I would argue you give your kids the best chance to succeed. When I got to Georgia, I was like, this is fantastic. This is all I get to work out. I get to run, I get to play football. And that's why I was successful.
Not because my parents took me to my trainer and, and I went every weekend to some kind of tournament. It had nothing to do with that. It had everything to do with. I was excited about where I was and I hadn't been beat over the head with a club on what I should have been. Man, I really appreciate you saying that.
It's got a lot more weight than if I said it, so I I appreciate you clearly. I did hit a nerve there. I appreciate it, man. Um, my last question for you, who are you a Bengals fan still? Like who's your team? How, how am I not a Bengals fan? Of course, baby. Yeah. I mean, like, the Bengals drafted me, man, and took a chance on me.
Like I, I'll always, I grew up a Giants fan 'cause my dad was from New York. Okay. And, um, but no, I, I mean, I always cheer for the Bengals because they took a chance on me. They drafted me. I just wish, I wish I could have given him more than, than two seasons, that's for sure. But no, I, I will always cheer for who day?
Them Bengals baby. And who's, who do you got winning the whole thing this year? The Super Bowl. Yeah. I mean that's pretty easy. You just throw a dart and hit the chiefs. I mean, I, they, I just, it's so annoying. It's so annoying. It is annoying. But we're watching Mahomes and it's just ridiculous. Like one example.
Now listen, the Ravens look really, really good. Lamar looks Lamar's spinning the pill, and Zay Flowers is legit. And they got a couple tight ends and now they just traded for Deontay Johnson, which is, which probably will help 'cause he's another jitterbug type guy that can win man to man coverage. And um.
But I just, there's something about that dude that just, he's just a flat liner. He makes everyone around him. So flipping good and he makes the plays when your team needs it. Yeah, over and over and over again. It's, it's amazing the knack he has for that. He's the greatest I've ever seen at that position.
And it's not close. I played against Brady. I played against Manning, like they were, they were elite of elite too, but his sixth sense and his superpower of being able to feel where people are at and then go make plays and it's just, it's uncanny, it's silly. It's annoying. It's annoying. It's annoying, but it's it's still there.
It's greatness. Yeah. It's in, it's absolutely incredible. And the, and the crazy thing about this season is, um, they don't even, I don't even think they're playing at their best. It's like sloppy. They're winning games and sloppy. Like once they start clicking, it's gonna be even worse. You know what I mean?
Especially Andre Hopkins coming over who's a receiver that can win and contested, uh, his situation because they've been decimated. Yeah. Were he getting better? You know, he's a rookie outta Texas, so he's. Developing, but the defense is ridiculous. I mean, their defense is so good. You know, it's, it's ama first of all, that organization is top to bottom, just legit, like hunt at the top, who's a huge believer from Texas.
I mean, just an awesome, awesome dude. And the way they run their organization to, to Harrison Buckner, to, to Andy Reed who allows or talks about like, like he is the most player friendly dude you'll ever be around like. When Harrison Buckner's situation happened and everybody was coming after him and stuff, he was like, wait a minute.
Y'all come in my building every week with opinions and I don't kick you out. Mm. You have your opinions and you have your beliefs, and you come in here. I don't agree with all of them, so if Harrison wants an opinion, he can have one. Mm. If Travis wants an opinion, he can have one. So like just, it's just, it's a well run organization.
It's a really good organization that just continues to win, and it's not a surprise. Well, I apologize to all of our listeners that we, we gave you so much good content and godly content, and then we had to end with the Chief's talk, so I apologize for take us right back down. Dude, this has been really fun, man.
I appreciate you being so gracious and flexible to make this happen. And, uh, you spoke a lot of truth. You brought me closer to Jesus. I, I have a feeling you brought a lot of cl guys closer to Jesus, so I appreciate your time, bro. Thank you. Awesome. Thank you. Keep doing what you're doing, man. Keep inspiring People need it.
People need that little, those action steps, man. I, I do. I need it. Yeah. I need podcasts like this. Thank you, bro.