Mystery Maniacs

🎙️ Episode: https://share.transistor.fm/s/97dcd25e
📓 Show Notes: https://midsomermaniacs.transistor.fm/253

Mystery Maniacs Episode! In Podcast 253, a killer interrupts hotel room parkour and Mike has a subplot. Ruru!

Show Notes
The Swinging Christie Podcast
https://christietime.com/

Morepork
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morepork

Thanks again for listening!
 
Mark & Sarah

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Upcoming Tentative  Schedule
  • December 1 - Brokenwood S9E05
  • December 8 - Brokenwood S9E06
  • Week of 12/8/25 - Midsomer Murders Mini 2501
  • Week of 12/15/25 - Midsomer Murders Mini 2502
  • Week of 12/22/25 - Midsomer Murders Mini 2503
  • Week of 12/29/25 - Midsomer Murders Mini 2504
  • January 5 - Midsomer S25E01
  • January 7 - January Newsletter
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Creators and Guests

Host
Mark Bell
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs
Host
Sarah Smith-Robbins
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs

What is Mystery Maniacs?

Mystery Maniacs Podcast is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to British Mystery Television. Formerly, Midsomer Maniacs podcast.

Mark:

It's very cute. I'll put a picture of a more pork.

Sarah:

Hey, maniacs.

Mark:

Hey, mystery maniacs. Mystery maniacs is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to the mystery TV. Each week, we dig into an episode of a show including the murders, the mayhem, the loonies, and everything else we love this week. The Brokenwood Mystery's shot of love season nine episode five.

Sarah:

Wait.

Mark:

Stop the podcast.

Sarah:

Something very important has happened. Finally.

Mark:

Who could have predicted this? Me.

Sarah:

New Midsummer Murders are coming.

Mark:

Yes. The return of Midsummer Maniacs. Season twenty five episodes one, two, three, and four dropping on Acorn in the month of December.

Sarah:

Woo hoo.

Mark:

December, and twenty ninth. Nice. There are four episodes. One called the first one called Treasures of Darkness, which is about mud lurkers.

Sarah:

People who dig through mud at the edge of bodies of water when the tide is low to find antiquities?

Mark:

Yes. See episode two, Lawn of the Dead. About lawn bowling.

Sarah:

No. Really?

Mark:

Yes. Season twenty five episode three, Death Strikes Three in which a cuckoo clock is booby trapped and kills a guest. Don't know how that works.

Sarah:

There's one pointed booby.

Mark:

That is. And then finally, top of the class.

Sarah:

Wait a minute. Why did I say booby? Booby. One pointed cuckoo.

Mark:

Yes. We'll get to boobies later.

Sarah:

Speaking of birds. Top of the class.

Mark:

Someone gets brutally murdered at a PTA meeting, which is kinda like normal. Yeah. Well, that happens all the time. So if you're new here, this is what we do. Because we started as a Midsummer podcast.

Sarah:

Mhmm. And then we ran out of Midsummer's, which we thought would never happen.

Mark:

Out of Midsummer's. And we quickly called them up on the phone and said

Sarah:

Make more Midsummer's.

Mark:

Make more Midsummers.

Sarah:

So what we do when there are new episodes,

Mark:

if

Sarah:

you've not been around for this, is that we make a mini episode that is spoiler free. Yes. But it teaches you how to watch like a maniac.

Mark:

So we watch the episode on the day it releases, of course.

Sarah:

And we'll give you a list of things to look for

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

When you watch it.

Mark:

Now these minis are about twenty minutes. Max. They're super super

Sarah:

You watch it. You listen to it before you watch the new episode.

Mark:

Then you watch the new episode.

Sarah:

We'll release a mini for all four new episodes, and then we will release full episodes on each of the new episodes.

Mark:

Now I know for a fact that some of our listeners cheat. They watch the episode, then they listen to the mini, and then they watch the episode again.

Sarah:

That's okay.

Mark:

That's okay. Those will begin the week of the eighth. Now it's December, and it's Mark and Sarah. We're a little bitchy.

Sarah:

Is that a square on the bingo card that we say we're busy?

Mark:

Yes. It is a square on the bingo card. So what I'm telling you is the week of the eighth of fifteenth, the twenty second, and the twenty ninth, somewhere in that magical time period of that week, we will release the mini.

Sarah:

Before the next one is released? Yes. Yeah. So once a week, we'll release the mini. And then when those are done, we'll do full episodes on all four episodes.

Mark:

Which I predict will start the January 5. Again, all this is tentative. And then we'll

Sarah:

go back to Brokenwood. Yes. Season ten.

Mark:

Wow. New Midsummers. It's crazy.

Sarah:

But we watched a trailer that kinda gives away some of the murder methods.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And they look fun, especially the cuckoo clock

Mark:

or

Sarah:

or the booby clock apparently is what my head thought it was.

Mark:

They they do and there is lots of Facebook groups to talk about midsummer that you could join and talk about midsummer there. But I do recommend the midsummer subreddit. 9,500 people strong. We're almost at 10,000 of hardcore Midsommar fans. Who respect spoiler alerts.

Mark:

Yes. Hardcore. I put spoiler threads at the top of all the threads for these episodes so that you don't accidentally step in where you're not supposed to be.

Sarah:

Because we know not everybody gets acorn and not everybody will see these at the same time. We don't want to ruin it for anybody.

Mark:

Yes. Why do we not live in England? Why? Because on the April 11

Sarah:

Well, I mean there's lots of reasons why we don't. I wish sometimes I wish we did.

Mark:

A tour quay on the English Riviera is the spring gathering of the Agatha Christie film Agatha Christie festival. Ticket's on sale now. They're having a costume contest.

Sarah:

I don't know if I would like that, to be honest. I think I would feel intimidated.

Mark:

I think I would have a blast.

Sarah:

I tried the Poirot puzzles in that book and felt like I'd never read or watched a Poirot before. I can only imagine the people who go to that festival are serious hardcore fans.

Mark:

There's a podcast called Christie in the sixties, which is a fun kind of what Christie did in the sixties and how it relates to the sixties. They're doing a live podcast there

Sarah:

That's awesome.

Mark:

That that I I would also definitely suggest. And I think now that you you mentioned that the author of that Poirot quiz book might be there also. So if you live in England

Sarah:

Maybe Anthony Horowitz will be there.

Mark:

Yeah. Whatever. You should go. Yes. Our Brokenwood did so well this week.

Mark:

There was the New Zealand Screen Award.

Sarah:

Yeah. And Tim Baum won best screenplay for Odes to Christmas.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Directed funniest by Brokenwood episode Directed

Mark:

by Katie Wolfe, who he called his soulmate. So I guess there's something going on there.

Sarah:

Or they're just really best friends. I don't know.

Mark:

I don't know. He kinda make kissy kiss sounds. And I wanna show

Sarah:

It's hard to say soul mate and make kissy kiss sounds at the same time.

Mark:

It's I do wanna also shout out that they also won best makeup design for Kev Duffy. He does some amazing dead body makeup. We mentioned it last episode.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

So I think that all we are fans of all those people in the background and good job, Kev.

Sarah:

Way to go whole cast, whole

Mark:

Yep. Whole crew. Absolutely. Well, this episode Sarah is two episodes, one lame episode and one decent episode. It's called Shot of Love which I hate the title.

Sarah:

Yeah. It's

Mark:

it's it's not very good. It's written by Tim Baum, and even though he won the writing award this week, I'm gonna say this is not his best episode.

Sarah:

I wonder about the title. Yeah. Because spoiler, we spoil the episode. You have been warned. We are about to talk about the murder.

Sarah:

Yes. In some countries, to be shot of something is to be rid of it. Yes. So shot of love could mean to be rid of love.

Mark:

It could it could.

Sarah:

Which Mike is Yes. Because Beth leaves. Well Never to be seen again.

Mark:

So let's deal with the horrible cliche thing at the beginning.

Sarah:

You wanna talk about Mike and Beth first and then talk about the murder plot? Yes. Okay.

Mark:

Because the murder plot is much more interesting to me.

Sarah:

Yes. It is.

Mark:

There's two parts to this. This is this mirrors the episode in which he met Beth.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

Where there was the the Mike story and then the other story. Mhmm. So, the Mike story is that they drive really forever.

Sarah:

Eight whole hours.

Mark:

Eight whole hour. I heard he goes, we drove four hours, eight hours. We got up at 4AM. I'm like, dude, why did you not drive there in the afternoon when you first heard about Beth wanting to get married? Yeah.

Mark:

Like eight hours That day. Nothing said the people who live in the giant country.

Sarah:

Well, we just drove to Detroit and back in a few days. Yes. That wasn't it wasn't bad. Yes. So But you're good company in the car.

Mark:

I try to be. Well, okay. So Beth is good company on the way and she admits that she probably wouldn't be good company on the way back. I think she's right. And then she says, eight hours in an uncomfortable silence is not a good way to drive.

Mark:

Awkward. And then I said, I know.

Sarah:

Not with me.

Mark:

No. Not with Sarah. I was at camp with the school that I I taught at for a few years and a child had to be removed from camp and go home early for Immediately. A of reasons.

Sarah:

And you were nominated to drive said child all the way home Yes. From Washington DC?

Mark:

Yes. Ten hours in the car, he may have said three words.

Sarah:

I bet.

Mark:

I listened to a book. Yeah.

Sarah:

I would have too. Yeah. This so they The thing with Mike and Beth is that Mike is still married. Yes. And no, he's not a Mormon or a bigamist.

Sarah:

Yes. Gina. He is Mormon?

Mark:

He's bigamist?

Sarah:

I didn't know he and Beth got married. He's Now could he be getting divorced? So he needs to track down his most recent ex wife to actually get the divorce paper signed. And she has given him the runaround. I think he probably just gave up five years ago or whenever it was that they split up because she was just too much of a pain in the ass.

Sarah:

And he just was like, whatever. I just wanna be rid of you.

Mark:

To me, one of the things that bothers me about this subplot in this episode is it kinda looks like they drove down the street from Brokenwood and they're still in Brokenwood. And she has this large house, which is supposedly free of plastics. By the way, it's not. I'll get to that. And she, like, she just seems like she lives slightly out of town.

Mark:

And I would have wanted more, like, trekking through the wilderness.

Sarah:

Oh, think they should have had to go on walkabout to get somewhere? So when they get to the hotel, the hotel is being run by Marcus Yes. Who ran a few hotel establishments. He ran

Mark:

the Druggy Hotel.

Sarah:

Yeah. In Brokenwood and has now moved on to Lost Valley. Is that what

Mark:

it's called? It's called Lost Valley.

Sarah:

And he's really happy to see Mike. He seems genuinely happy to see Mike. And he says, oh, you're here to see Tabitha. And he says, you know about Tabitha? He's like, everybody knows about Tabitha.

Sarah:

How did you interpret that?

Mark:

Then Why? That she annoys everybody. And then he tells Mike. Mike tells him that he was married to her. He's like He's like, oh.

Sarah:

But then Marcus gives Beth a carton of milk. Yeah. What is that?

Mark:

I don't know.

Sarah:

He hands her a little Maybe it's for tea? Paper carton. Yeah. Which I associate with, like, the size of paper carton you get with your milk in school. Yeah.

Sarah:

Maybe that's is it for tea for their room?

Mark:

Maybe tea for their room.

Sarah:

Okay. I'll I'll go with that. That makes more sense than anything else I imagined could be in that carton that wasn't milk.

Mark:

So then we meet Tabitha, who is as horrible as we think she is.

Sarah:

You think she's horrible? Why is she horrible?

Mark:

She is well, I think she's horrible as a character because Beth should know all of this about Mike. She should know how Mike is.

Sarah:

Okay. Because Tabitha takes every opportunity to be alone with Beth to fill her in on Mike. Mike is obsessed with his job and will always be second.

Mark:

And she keeps things that would place Mike in a better light away from Beth. Mhmm. Like, the story of her mother's funeral is upsetting to Beth, as I understand. But Beth should know already that that's what Mike is like. Mhmm.

Mark:

And that she left out a whole bunch of details. The problem I have with the whole storyline is this. If you are a police person and you cannot let your job go and you do all sorts of crazy things like Barnaby and Mike do, which are always played off for laughs. Mhmm. In reality, that person cannot exist because they would burn out long ago.

Mark:

Right. Like, that person you have to when you're a cop, you have to understand boundaries. There is just no way around it.

Sarah:

Unless, like Mike, that's the life you opt for, which is why none of his marriages have worked out. Because he does choose to be a cop first and a person second.

Mark:

Which I agree with, which he should have known. And when Beth came around, he should have told her. Beth, I'm not saying Beth is at fault here. Mike is clearly at fault. Mike makes some big mistakes.

Mark:

But you

Sarah:

think Tabitha is bad?

Mark:

I think Tabitha is meddling, and she doesn't need to meddle.

Sarah:

I forgot from when we had seen this episode before that he basically ditches Beth with Tabitha because he gets caught up thinking about a crime scene and goes back to the hotel

Mark:

room and just leaves her there. At first, Tabitha gets him running errands. Right. But then he ditches her. That's Mike's problem.

Sarah:

She has to hitch a ride with some hippie in a polka dotted car to

Mark:

get What is that dude in the polka dotted car?

Sarah:

Just another person who washes up in Lost Valley.

Mark:

Mom, I gotta part. And boy, this entire episode is full as a cowboy bar full of mom, mom, I gotta part.

Sarah:

I think that Tabitha's meddling until he does that. Yeah. And he he voluntarily proves her absolutely right.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Yes, Beth should know. Yes, Beth would have come to that conclusion on her own. But I think that Tabitha is well written, and is very careful, and really is trying to do something to spare somebody else the pain that she went through and realizing this is who he is. And if you can't deal with that, then don't marry him. And Beth realizes when she finds him in the hotel room, she's not Okay with it.

Sarah:

She has to choose, and she chooses not to be Okay with it.

Mark:

I understand all of that. She should have chosen that long before now.

Sarah:

But Tabitha needs to be slapped with a plastic pen and say, sign it, bitch. But

Mark:

Tabitha takes the pen and empties it. Yeah. That is a problem. Yeah. Like, I would been like, here is a pencil.

Mark:

By the way, your lights have bulbs, which are made of plastic. They're glass. No. The outside lights.

Sarah:

Oh. Sign it in blood. I don't care.

Mark:

I do not care. Sign that document.

Sarah:

Stop holding me hostage, you bully.

Mark:

This is why this is why and we're experienced in this area, divorce is not like this. You don't have to hunt somebody down to get a signature.

Sarah:

If they won't sign it after a certain amount of time.

Mark:

It's just, yeah.

Sarah:

I don't know. I don't know New Zealand law.

Mark:

I don't know New Zealand law either, but

Sarah:

But in the end, it's for the best, think, that Beth and Mike split. I think he understands that. I think she understands that. Yep. I don't like that Tabitha gets to think that she was right and that she won.

Mark:

I don't like that.

Sarah:

But he's free of her now, and she can go have her tubers with multiple crowns.

Mark:

Now he needs to understand that he's he's not retirement age yet. That's the other thing. I'm I'm like, Mike has ten years in him at least.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

But he has to figure out that when he retires, he can't do this stuff, and he's gonna be on his own. Mhmm. And who's gonna help you move then?

Sarah:

There won't be anything left. Yeah. Because it's all he has. Yeah. Okay.

Mark:

Which again, I find is like, Mike is far more level headed than that.

Sarah:

Maybe maybe this is the moment when he has to confront that and figure that out.

Mark:

Maybe.

Sarah:

Okay. Ready to talk about people getting shot in the tank? Yes. Okay. The important story.

Sarah:

There are bad people who get killed in Brokenwood and all other mystery shows, right? People who are asking for it. Yep. Legitimate reasons why somebody might actually want that person dead. There are people who have betrayed other people.

Sarah:

This poor man has done nothing to deserve this, and it is so incredibly senseless. And this is why I don't bungee jump. I don't ever want my kids to have to tell other people my mom died because she went bungee jumping. It is such a stupid way to die.

Mark:

And like, it's not

Sarah:

He's not taking a risk, by the way, but it's such an embarrassing way. Like, his widow has to tell his kids Your

Mark:

dad got shot in the taint.

Sarah:

On accident.

Mark:

On accident.

Sarah:

That's so awkward.

Mark:

Like I can understand, it's not my thing, but I can understand people needing time apart. You know? That's not how People go on separate trips.

Sarah:

That's not how we resolve issues between us.

Mark:

But different people do different things. Yep. And it works.

Sarah:

Yep. And he's just going to the hotel in town. He's not and he's not fooling around. He's not doing anything wrong.

Mark:

I personally think he's driven insane by the house of his wisteria because that house is covered in wisteria.

Sarah:

Maybe he's driven insane by the commercials on the TV. Erector magic, greater good through greater wood.

Mark:

What? What? That's a Tim Baum special right there.

Sarah:

Yeah. He's just he's just lying in bed watching TV.

Mark:

Yes. And Aitken has to go in and find him. It's awful. Yep. It's so bad.

Mark:

They think it's a heart attack at first and they realize that he has blood in his perineum area.

Sarah:

Like, smaller than the size of a penny. Don't even know how they noticed it. If he'd had dark pants on, probably wouldn't have.

Mark:

Probably wouldn't have.

Sarah:

Gina shows up, and though she doesn't allow anybody else to hypothesize, she starts hypothesizing

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

That he's had blunt force trauma to his perineum or has been repeatedly kicked in the private parts by a prostitute wearing steel tipped cowboy boots.

Mark:

Why does it have to be a prostitute? It's so specific. It's very specific. Now I'm not sure what our listeners are into. If that is your thing,

Sarah:

go kicked in the crotch by a prostitute and stealing coward. Whatever. That's an unhealthy thing to be.

Mark:

That's an unhealthy thing. I believe that too. Okay?

Sarah:

But but they're kinda stuck. Right? Because it's they can't figure out how that would have happened. Yep. He's in a hotel room alone.

Sarah:

I mean, okay. You're a man.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

You have these parts.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Can you imagine a scenario in which that would happen by accident?

Mark:

And I can't imagine a scenario in the, hotel room. You asked me about this, and I think the closest I've seen was I saw a terrible water skiing accident where a young man skidded across the water as he collapsed and fell and ran into the end of a dock. With his legs spread? With his legs

Sarah:

spread. Oh. Oh. I

Mark:

think he caught the doc, so it only Grazed him? Grazed him, but he was definitely in a lot of pain.

Sarah:

Oh. Yep. I don't even have those bits, and I oh. But this guy's in a hotel room alone.

Mark:

Yeah. What could

Sarah:

he be I mean, is he practicing parkour in his hotel room or something? I'm gonna jump off the bed onto the TV stand go over this chair that I've turned upside down, and land on the table.

Mark:

No. No. Oh, yeah. It's two okay. I got two ideas.

Mark:

Okay. Okay. The first one is he was trying to do skateboarding tricks.

Sarah:

Without a skateboard?

Mark:

Like, was trying to get the skateboard to go under the chair as he jumped over it and he landed on one of the chair legs. Maybe? And then the skateboard went under the bed, which we know no one looks under the bed, or he was playing Flora's Lava.

Sarah:

That's something to keep you busy in a hotel room alone Yes. When your wife has said, you need to go away for a little while.

Mark:

I'm going to go play the floor is lava.

Sarah:

Floor is lava? Did did he think that upturned chair was a good thing to land on?

Mark:

I I don't. Well, maybe he maybe he wanted to up the game, up the level. Right?

Sarah:

I need to increase the difficulty of Floor Lava. I'm gonna put hazards in my way. If I slip, I could impale myself on this chair leg. High stakes game of Floor is Lava. Yeah.

Sarah:

Did you play that as a kid?

Mark:

I played Floor is Lava by myself as a kid, but yes, I did.

Sarah:

I played Floor is really, really cold, so I'm gonna throw things onto the floor and and walk on them when at night.

Mark:

See, my parents had no concept of room decoration, so all items were moved to the sides of the room. So I just made laps.

Sarah:

Oh.

Mark:

It was pretty easy.

Sarah:

Yeah. It's not fun. So Did you have red carpet? No. Cause that would have made it

Mark:

No. Really cool. But we did have This is in the rec room of my parents' house, which had saloon doors and a wet bar and giant Tijuana Mickey bottles. They were like this high, like three feet high. It was very seventies.

Mark:

There was paneling involved, but it also had one of those poles that holds up the house. Mhmm. But my parents covered it, of course, in carpet.

Sarah:

That was to keep you from bashing your head on it. I'm sure one of your older siblings probably knocked themselves out on it, they were like, maybe we should wrap carpet around that. He's dead in his room Yes. With blood on his crotch. Yes.

Sarah:

He's not been kicked by a prostitute. No. They've gotta figure out what happened.

Mark:

Yes. And they have some clues. The first clue

Sarah:

is a pizza receipt. You took a close look at it, didn't you?

Mark:

Did you see what was on the bottom?

Sarah:

I took a photo of it.

Mark:

Before they say it in the episode.

Sarah:

Super taste, super fast, superman.

Mark:

Is on the bottom of the receipt.

Sarah:

What I found most offensive was that their delivery fee is $7.99.

Mark:

Yes. It's

Sarah:

In a town the size of Brokenwood, how dare they charge $8 delivery fee?

Mark:

They gotta pay for the world's greatest vehicle somehow.

Sarah:

And the costume, I guess.

Mark:

So it's the

Sarah:

It's not cheap pizza either.

Mark:

The pizza is $27.98 New Zealand dollars. Do you know what that is, American? No. It's $16.00 3 American.

Sarah:

Oh, well that's not

Mark:

too Which is not bad.

Sarah:

No. So it's a $4 delivery? Yeah. Okay. I'll let it go then.

Sarah:

I was like, that's really expensive. Because Ray has leaned fully in on a Porky Pigeon He's themed pizzas.

Mark:

Now did you notice? I don't know if you noticed this, but the Porky Pigeon is obviously filmed in an actual restaurant.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

And they have Porky Pigeon stuff around on the walls and stuff. Mhmm. And, oh my gosh, Ray has that t shirt.

Sarah:

The logo is great with that sack.

Mark:

I want a Porky Pigeon t shirt so bad.

Sarah:

It's awfully cute. They

Mark:

then, if you look really closely, you see the rest of the stuff.

Sarah:

I like the map of Italy.

Mark:

Like the map of Italy, and there's like all sorts of Italian food that is not pizza.

Sarah:

Yeah. But it's that's kinda like a tip typical small town Italian restaurant Yeah. Pizza joint.

Mark:

I guess.

Sarah:

The red and white checkered tablecloths. We talked about those. You

Mark:

know? Chalmers has an idea of what he was doing in the in the hotel. Well, let

Sarah:

I'm not done talking about pizza yet though because Ray has discovered there's been an increase in business since he's come up with bird themed names for the pizzas.

Mark:

Superhero bird themed name pizzas, he says.

Sarah:

The Blackbird Supreme

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And the Iron Duckman.

Mark:

Yes. So that's supposed to be like Iron Man.

Sarah:

But what is on a Blackbird Supreme, you think?

Mark:

I

Sarah:

Is it just a supreme pizza?

Mark:

I do not know.

Sarah:

So it's got all the meats and veggies on it?

Mark:

I I guess. Maybe?

Sarah:

Well, I couldn't help but come up with other ones.

Mark:

I also came up with

Sarah:

other ones. We kind of challenge each other to do this, Yes. Don't Okay. So mine, I was trying to think, I was like, pepperoni. What could be pepperoni?

Sarah:

Because that's probably the most common thing that people order.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And I was like, Tube bird? No, like, that doesn't work. So I thought, well, it starts with a P, so I'll call it a double puffin'.

Mark:

A double puffin?

Sarah:

Yeah, that's like a double pepperoni.

Mark:

It's a

Sarah:

double puffin. Okay. Yeah. Okay. What do you got?

Mark:

Okay, my first one, because I got

Sarah:

I got two.

Mark:

I got three.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

My first one is the

Sarah:

blue booby. The blue booby? Yes. We did get back to boobies.

Mark:

We get

Sarah:

What's a blue booby?

Mark:

It's got blue cheese and steak on it.

Sarah:

Oh. That sounds kind of good.

Mark:

Yeah. Like with the white sauce, that wouldn't be a bad pizza.

Sarah:

Yeah. And it'd be fun to order. It's like the moon the moon over my hammy at the Waffle House.

Mark:

Yep. Can I have a blue booby with with Extra extra? A big blue booby.

Sarah:

A large blue booby. Yep. We're having too much fun saying boobie. We

Mark:

are. Boobie.

Sarah:

I I just went with the first letter.

Mark:

Okay. So

Sarah:

you guess what this is.

Mark:

Well, let let me do another one.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

Because you only have two. I have three.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

So I'll do another one, then you go. Then I'll go. Okay. My second one is the morgue pork porky pie. What's a morgue?

Mark:

A morpork is a tiny little cute owl in New Zealand. It's called a Morpork? It's called Morpork. Sometimes it's called a ruru because that's kinda what the sound it makes is.

Sarah:

I hear the ruru of a Morpork? Yes. Morpork is the name of the city in all the Terry Pratchett Discworld books.

Mark:

Yes. So the Morpork porcupine has ham, bacon, and salami on it. Nice. Yes. More pork.

Mark:

I got an actual New Zealand bird in there.

Sarah:

You did. You you rammed it in.

Mark:

Okay. It's called more pork. I saw that and I was like, oh, well, that one's easy. It's very cute. I'll put a picture of a more pork in in the show notes.

Sarah:

What do you think a puff and swallow and humming is? Puff. Don't know. Puff and swallow and humming. I

Mark:

don't know.

Sarah:

Pepperoni, sausage, and ham.

Mark:

Okay. Yeah.

Sarah:

Puff and puff and humming and swallow is probably better. I like that order And if you if you are really up for it, you can have a puff and humming swallow mocking that's got mushroom on it. Ah. So A mocking.

Mark:

A mocking.

Sarah:

Puffin, puffin, swallow. That's sausage, pepperoni, ham, and mushroom. Yes. That would just be fun to order. I need one puffin humming.

Mark:

Booby No and a more pull on.

Sarah:

Hold the swallow. That could get into double in time real fast. Totally. Speaking of boobies. Yes.

Sarah:

It's aspirational pizza. It's

Mark:

aspirational. Like, Ray has been taught by Root

Sarah:

and Trudy. Yeah. Don't be

Mark:

an ark.

Sarah:

Be aspirational.

Mark:

It's aspirational. Trudy. My last one is the penguin pie. It's got sardines on it and white sauce. Anchovies.

Mark:

Yes. Anchovies and white sauce.

Sarah:

It's a penguin pie?

Mark:

It's a penguin pie.

Sarah:

Is it like penguin from Batman?

Mark:

Well, see, it mixes it all up.

Sarah:

That is the penguin.

Mark:

Yes. That is the penguin, Oliver Cobblepot. Cobblepot?

Sarah:

Yes. Okay. So you could have a penguin and swallow. Now I can just think of Danny DeVito in the Batman movie and how gross he was.

Mark:

More pork and swallow. It was a whole different pizza. So

Sarah:

in the room next to the poor dead man

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Were the three jerk teenagers. Yes. If you are raised by a woman who owns a museum, do you turn out like Fanilla? Because she's awful. It's not fair.

Sarah:

Okay. Yes. It is. Because you are an awful person who did really dumb, awful things.

Mark:

Okay. Let's do the backstory. Fanella got dumped by the pizza guy.

Sarah:

She has a crush on him, and it's not reciprocated because he's into Lila.

Mark:

Because he's in And then the pizza guy

Sarah:

Dustin.

Mark:

Dumps Lila because he wants to spend time concentrating on his studies. Yes.

Sarah:

Dustin has done nothing wrong except No. Work for Ray.

Mark:

Which okay.

Sarah:

He seems to be a hard worker.

Mark:

Working for Ray is not a bad thing.

Sarah:

No. It's just a dumb dumb job.

Mark:

It's just a dumb job. Yeah. Yep. I don't think Ray pays well. I don't

Sarah:

think It makes him wear that outfit.

Mark:

I don't think he's a yelling, screaming boss.

Sarah:

Be so hot.

Mark:

But I think he's a demanding boss.

Sarah:

Yes. Aspiration.

Mark:

You get to go home on the last order.

Sarah:

Hey. You can drive that little truck home.

Mark:

I want that truck so bad. I want the t shirt so bad. I want all the porky pie stuff.

Sarah:

Do you want me to make you a pigeon costume?

Mark:

No. Okay. You don't want that? No. I want the pigeon costume.

Mark:

Puff and swallow swallow pizza? Pizza? No. No. Just

Sarah:

trying to help.

Mark:

And so Fanella gets what's his

Sarah:

name? Dustin?

Mark:

Dustin. No. No. The new guy. Curtis.

Mark:

Curtis to steal a gun from his dad because that's the only reason she's interested in Curtis.

Sarah:

Fanella pretends that she wants to scare Dustin on Lila's behalf. Yes. And really, she just wants revenge on him herself Yes. Because she is after she wishes Dustin was her boyfriend, and and he doesn't like her.

Mark:

And this is a whole revenge plot where you think of these things in your head, and then you go, no, I'm not going to do that.

Sarah:

No. The guy who works at the pizza joint really isn't worth it.

Mark:

No. You know? He might be and then Chalmers chases him and he threatens to jump in the water. I'll jump. It's a foot deep.

Mark:

Chauber, the look on Chauber's face there, he's like Like, oh, go ahead, dude. Yeah. Again, the men in Broken Woman They're winners. Are winners.

Sarah:

And Curtis is the example of, wow, I really did something dumb because I like somebody and wanted to win them over. Yes. Like, and I didn't really see who they were because Fanella, if I haven't mentioned it, is awful. She is horrendous. Her punishment should be that she has to go live with Tabitha.

Mark:

No, she should go to jail for a long time. I know.

Sarah:

But but then her parole should be living with Tabitha. Yes. And having to do what Tabitha tells her to do. Yes. Write with this wooden pen.

Sarah:

Go find me a pumpkin. So the idea is they're going to order a pizza to the hotel room. Dustin's going to come deliver it because he's the only guy who works for Ray. And then they're going to do like a reservoir dogs thing with him

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

To make him confess that he's cheating on Lila and that's why he dumped her.

Mark:

And they're gonna cover his head.

Sarah:

Pillowcase.

Mark:

I'm not sure why they strip him half naked.

Sarah:

So they can torture his nipples with a gun.

Mark:

Oh.

Sarah:

It just wouldn't be as effective poking him

Mark:

in his pigeon suit. I think it would be much funnier.

Sarah:

It might have absorbed the bullet though, you know?

Mark:

Yeah, maybe.

Sarah:

The parabellum wouldn't have gone in a perineum, it would have gone in a pigeon.

Mark:

There's too many paras in this I

Sarah:

was like, parabellum, isn't that what they call the South after the civil war?

Mark:

No, that's antebellum. And that's before the civil war.

Sarah:

No. Yeah. Anti.

Mark:

Antebellum is pre civil war. Pre bellum.

Sarah:

Now we're back to parabellums again. I thought I had a great joke there about the parabellum and the perineum and then Kristen says it.

Mark:

Yes. Like,

Sarah:

you stole my joke, woman.

Mark:

Well, okay. So we haven't talked about the most

Sarah:

The whole the whole plan is ill conceived, wrong Yes. Dumb Yes. And over the top.

Mark:

And they do the whole, oh, I didn't know you were in here. So everybody knows everybody's talking.

Sarah:

Yeah. But the the level of terror just to get a guy who dated your friend for a month. Like I mean, like, come on. Dustin. He's gonna be broken for life.

Mark:

Dustin, it's not worth it, and

Sarah:

he is completely innocent. And traumatized. He's gotta be traumatized.

Mark:

Plus he has an earache.

Sarah:

Well, you would too if

Mark:

a Luger went off next year. Went off next year ahead.

Sarah:

You'd be like, What?

Mark:

Never mind the fact that, okay, the way the bullet goes, it has to go up a little bit to get to the perineum on the bed. So they would've, like, there's just no way that this is accidental.

Sarah:

I buy it.

Mark:

No. No. Maybe if they tussled on the floor, but she has the gun like up near his head and stuff.

Sarah:

If it goes off next to his ear, it's too it has to be at a downward angle. Yes. But it comes out under the desk Yes. In the room

Mark:

next Which would it would continue to go down Right. And go under the bed Yeah. Where, as we know, nobody finds anything.

Sarah:

Right. And unless the dead guy was laying on the floor Yes. He'd be too high. Yes. It's so awful.

Sarah:

He's just learning their mind and his own business. He couldn't even have known what happened to him.

Mark:

Meanwhile, I'm like, how much does a DS make in Brokenwood? And can they afford that house?

Sarah:

It's a nice house.

Mark:

It's a very nice house that Kristen's moving into.

Sarah:

Well, maybe she can't afford it and that's why Gina ends up moving in. No, she moves in because her house is being renovated.

Mark:

Her house is being renovated.

Sarah:

Apparently she makes quite a bit, or the real estate market there is much more realistic than it is where we live.

Mark:

She is a trestle. Did you notice the trestle?

Sarah:

The whole house is beautiful.

Mark:

Yeah, the trestle has wisteria all over it.

Sarah:

You mean a trellis? Yes. Sorry. A trestle is a table.

Mark:

Sorry. She has a trellis. Okay. What did you think of her red furniture?

Sarah:

Since we have a couch that looks almost exactly like that upstairs?

Mark:

No. We used to have it.

Sarah:

We used to. I was like, oh, she's got a red couch. I was less judgy about that than I was about the wallpaper in the hallway.

Mark:

Oh, the wallpaper's bad.

Sarah:

I'm just assuming it's old.

Mark:

Should spill Borscht on it. Get rid of your armpit secretions.

Sarah:

Gina is priceless in this episode.

Mark:

Gina and Chalmers?

Sarah:

I can stay as long as I as you need me to.

Mark:

Gina and Chalmers are the comedic team in this episode. They are. So I feel objectified. Borscht is

Sarah:

good for your liver and armpit secretions.

Mark:

You're not gonna shoot laser beams in my private parts.

Sarah:

Go skids Waldo. Poor Waldo, who's never been called into action before and has just been waiting.

Mark:

Yes. I'm just going to wait. The hotel is pretty good CCTV that we see. Yeah.

Sarah:

I love that it's Room 904 And 905 on the 1st Floor. Yes. Like, did they just start numbering at 900?

Mark:

I guess. That hotel is cursed. Or is it

Sarah:

a much bigger one story hotel than we think?

Mark:

And there

Sarah:

are nine zero three rooms.

Mark:

Let's review the deaths that have happened in this hotel. Yeah. Okay? It is a death magnet, that hotel.

Sarah:

Well, hotels aren't. Well, it's let's be fair. It's a motel.

Mark:

Yes. It is a motel.

Sarah:

It's for motorists. You can park right in front of your room. Motel.

Mark:

Yes. Tell. Holiday e. The other problem I have with this episode is that Dustin and Curtis, they're not they're they're they're good. Okay?

Mark:

They're good at playing dumb. Mhmm. Those actors are very good at playing dumb.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

But they are not Oates level. No. And they need to be.

Sarah:

Nobody can be Oates level.

Mark:

They should be. If one of them had said, oh, Frodo's my cousin, I would have been like, yeah, you're a nerd.

Sarah:

What I really like about Curtis is that we don't even meet his dad, and you know exactly what he's like Yes. Via the house and what Buchanan says about his dad.

Mark:

It better not be Buchanan. Oh, no. It's not Buchanan.

Sarah:

No. It couldn't be. It is. Yeah. But not but not for Yes.

Sarah:

Not for Lila.

Mark:

Frodo does some physical comedy here.

Sarah:

He does with the coffee cups. Yeah. He does a really good job.

Mark:

Just a nice little bit of physical comedy.

Sarah:

Curtis's fingerprint is on the bullet. Yes. But Fanella is the one who puts it in the gun because Fanella is the worst.

Mark:

She purposely loads that weapon.

Sarah:

When he's not there. Because he's smart enough to go, no. No. No. No.

Sarah:

No. No. No. We don't do that.

Mark:

And he is a really dumb person. Uh-huh. And he I don't know anything about anything. No.

Sarah:

No. But but my dad collects, you know, World War two Nazi guns or something, but, you know, that's okay. I just can't get over what they do to Dustin. It's just so scary and awful and unnecessary. Yes.

Sarah:

And then for Jax to die so needlessly

Mark:

It is.

Sarah:

Though I kind of think Fanella is gonna go to the women's prison in town and run the joint.

Mark:

Yeah. She's another one that's gonna run the joint. For for me, I don't it's it's like this. So they had to get the Beth storyline figured out.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

Beth is gonna marry Mike and be a regular or

Sarah:

She has to go.

Mark:

She has to go. And that is a tough thing. It's tough. This actress has been on what I think nine episodes now. Mhmm.

Mark:

Like, it's tough. And I'm sure she was pulling for I Marry Mike and I'm a regular now.

Sarah:

Maybe.

Mark:

Her being in the hospital helps. Right? Mhmm. So they had to finish that story. Do you think they then glued this half story that they had on to this?

Mark:

Or which do you think came first? Because I think if the crime story came first, they knew it wasn't good enough for a full episode.

Sarah:

Not that it's not good enough, that it's not big enough.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

It's kind of easily solved. Yes. Once they know where the bullet came from. And it can only come from next door.

Mark:

And there's no mystery.

Sarah:

No. The fact that it kind of lacks a mystery, I think makes it not a candidate for a full episode. I can see that. So yeah, they might have had that story in their back pocket and then thought, okay, this is a good story to pair with.

Mark:

Because Bob The Beth story. Is the king of that's a good character, I'll bring them back later. Yeah. And that is a thing. Like, people who say that that Broken Wood is Midsommar in New Zealand, there are a lot of similarities, but that is a difference.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

Think so too. Midsummer doesn't have reoccurring characters the way Rev Green, Frodo

Sarah:

Right. Know, Trudy Ray.

Mark:

Doesn't have those reoccurring characters that are not crime related.

Sarah:

Do you think Trudy would have hired Fanella? I don't think she would have. I think she would have talked to her for thirty seconds, had her number and went, no, I'm not messing.

Mark:

She did hire Fanella, she would have her cleaning the women's bathrooms right away.

Sarah:

All day? Yes. All the time? Yes. With a toothbrush.

Sarah:

She'd have her number immediately.

Mark:

Yeah. I I don't buy the the she works for me thing because Trudy is better than that. Mhmm. Trudy reads people better than that.

Sarah:

So in the end, Fanella's definitely gonna go to prison. Yes. Lila fired the shot. Yeah. I think So she's gonna go to prison.

Mark:

I think she needs to

Sarah:

go to prison too. Dustin provided the weapon, so he's at least getting some kind of weapons charge.

Mark:

Kidnapping all of them. Conspiracy all of them.

Sarah:

Yeah. Failure to check on the guy in the next room. Yep. They're all getting that.

Mark:

Yeah, all that stuff.

Sarah:

Fanella put the bullet in the gun, but Lila shot it, and Dustin provided it, Curtis provided it, so they're kind of all three going away on kind of equal charges, I think. They are. Poor Dustin's just going to be traumatized, And Beth is gone. Like She's gone to the new job.

Mark:

It's difficult because Dustin is just honest with people. Yeah. He he he says there was no one else. He he, like, he doesn't dump either one of the women unfairly.

Sarah:

No. He's very nice to Fanella when he lets her down. Yeah. I got your Valentine's Day card, but I have to tell you, I mean, he does have a poor choice in women because Lila's clearly weird.

Mark:

Granted all that. Love that Lila tries to pretend

Sarah:

that she was drunk and disoriented and found herself under that bed.

Mark:

Yes. I don't know how I got there. I don't know how I got there. At first, I thought she was under the bed the whole time that Sims and And Chalmers were doing the laser bit with the did you notice the laser guy was suddenly Eastern European for no reason? Someone ask asked for a laser?

Mark:

Someone asked for a laser?

Sarah:

Waldo asked for a laser. Maybe he's related to Gina. I'm

Mark:

Ivan with laser.

Sarah:

That's what Gina needs. She needs a brother. Don't you think? So oh, like a

Mark:

little Sims's house, I was like, oh, there's the bedroom with the sister.

Sarah:

And that's Oh. Oh. That's later.

Mark:

Did you notice Sims' cute little shoes?

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

Yeah. She got Chuck Taylors on. They change clothes in this episode many times.

Sarah:

Every time they pick up the couch, their phone rings. Yes. It's it's a funny joke. Yeah. I like that joke.

Mark:

It's a fun joke. And Kristen doesn't have any friends. We we've not seen her with any friends at all. And if I was moving, I would call Chalmers to come help me.

Sarah:

I would too. He's the strongest person in town.

Mark:

Why is he not carrying I carry Couch by myself. By myself.

Sarah:

Oh, call the laser guy. He's clearly strong. Yeah. Call Gina. Yeah.

Sarah:

She could have asked them. Gina would have Gina would have helped.

Mark:

Gina would have dropped everything and went and helped.

Sarah:

And her cowboy hat.

Mark:

And made borscht. Have you ever had borscht? No. Have we talked about borscht before?

Sarah:

Yes. I like beats. I don't wanna have borscht. What did you think of Sin City, the band at the end?

Mark:

So they are obviously friends of so the band that was in the other episode with the lead Yeah. Singer that's female that those her and her brother run the music for the show. Mhmm. So they're friends of those people, clearly. Mhmm.

Mark:

I think they did a great job. I think Marcus dressed up in all his cowboy finery was fantastic. I think that anybody who geeks out on stuff like that is fun.

Sarah:

Maybe Marcus and Gina need to meet.

Mark:

Oh, they They'd have fun together. They would indeed have some fun together.

Sarah:

But he lives eight hours away now.

Mark:

Eight hours away. God. You drive eight hours in this state, you're almost out of it.

Sarah:

You're almost at Fort Wayne. We we said last week last time that we were gonna start ending the episodes with recommendations. Yes. Fun things. Thing interesting things.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Things to keep people smiling through the cold months.

Mark:

The cold months and the Christmasy holiday seasons. There was a lot of just talk in the zeitgeist about fights at Thanksgiving this year. Mhmm. Has he have you ever had fights at Thanksgiving? No.

Mark:

Neither have I.

Sarah:

My family is very passive aggressive. Yeah. We swallow all the things that we

Mark:

My fight family is Canadian, so of course, we're passive aggressive.

Sarah:

Yeah. Just, you know I did have an uncle who didn't believe in the moon landing, and he would bring that up. Oh. And everybody would just roll their eyes and just wait for him to shut up.

Mark:

We just have more We

Sarah:

just have more cranberry sauce.

Mark:

Cranberry sauce.

Sarah:

You

Mark:

know? I have to say, folks, that Sarah made probably the best turkey she's ever made for me. It's delicious. It's still delicious.

Sarah:

It's good.

Mark:

And the cranberry sauce she made was fantastic.

Sarah:

We spatchcocked that turkey. We did indeed. A 21 pound spatchcocked turkey.

Mark:

And then shoved a temperature probe up its parabellum. That

Sarah:

was good. And the cranberry sauce was cranberries and pomegranate. Yes. It had two pomegranates and one bag of cranberries. It's got half and half.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

Speaking of which, this relates to my recommendation for the

Mark:

week. Excellent.

Sarah:

Which is my favorite sandwich that I only eat at Thanksgiving because it requires turkey and lunch meat turkey just doesn't cut it. Nope. It's a strange sandwich, I know, but I promise you, it is so good.

Mark:

You you converted one of the children all on it.

Sarah:

So Tegan is all about this sandwich now. Yeah. Okay. So here here is Sarah's favorite sandwich. And if you have turkey leftovers, you should try it.

Mark:

And I went and got these things, especially from the

Sarah:

grocery I store love you, and you love me. I can't believe that you found everything. Yes. Because you need pumpernickel bread. Yes.

Sarah:

I don't know why, but it is the best bread for this sandwich. Okay. You put cream cheese on one piece of bread. Okay. This is important.

Sarah:

It acts as a barrier. Yes. Okay? But it's also good. Cheese.

Sarah:

Sliced turkey. Yep. Good turkey. Thanksgiving turkey is the best. White meat.

Sarah:

Yes. Mhmm. Alfalfa sprouts.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

Not lettuce, not your watery little scrap. Alfalfa sprouts. Not not those big bean sprouts. Nope. It's like crunchy vegetable hair.

Sarah:

Yep. It's but it's perfect.

Mark:

That's what it is.

Sarah:

And cranberry sauce. Yes. And so cream cheese acts as a barrier to cranberry sauce. You put the cranberry sauce on top of the cream cheese so it doesn't sog the bread. And then turkey and alfalfa sprouts on pumpernickel.

Sarah:

It is so good. I've already had three of these.

Mark:

And what do you call them?

Sarah:

The restaurant where I had it the first time was they call it Mary's favorite. Yes. But I I just call it my favorite because that restaurant's long gone.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And it is still my favorite.

Mark:

Okay. That's a good one.

Sarah:

So my recommendation for this week is go get yourself some pumpernickel and some sprouts and some turkey leftovers and try one of those sandwiches.

Mark:

I got two. I got a Tabitha touchy feely one and and a and a book recommendation.

Sarah:

Are you gonna say that we should all write with wooden pens? No. Okay.

Mark:

No. But I have a quote

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

From the great Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks. Okay. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office, or two cups of good hot black coffee.

Mark:

Give yourself a present every day.

Sarah:

I like that.

Mark:

That drops in the first I think episode three of Twin Peaks in the first season and you're just stunned.

Sarah:

Give yourself a present and have my sandwich.

Mark:

Yep. There you go. The other recommendation I have is for a book by Ellie Griffiths. I'm not sure if you've read this book or not. I'm I'm not sure.

Mark:

It's called The Crossing Places and it's a Ruth Galloway mystery. It's written in 2010, so it's 15 years old.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

She's a archaeologist.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

And she and a policeman solve crimes together. Nice. So the first book was very, very good.

Sarah:

So that's the first book in the series. That's There's a bunch of those books.

Mark:

There are a bunch of those books and Ellie Griffiths who I really like her writing, I like the flow of her writing. Her new book is about a time traveling detective. I'm like, does work? Does that work?

Sarah:

But interesting.

Mark:

Yes. So, The Crossing Places. One of the things I like about it is a female lead character who is not, oh, I was just recklessly beautiful accidentally. I think Ruth is beautiful, but not because she is traditionally beautiful.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

Right? And she's an academic, and she's a little larger than most women, and she's like, in her almost 40 and unmarried and has no children. And that has it has interesting stories told by women things that I wouldn't have thought. Women things? Yes.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

You just undermined your feminist message there by You calling them women

Mark:

know, I like the women things.

Sarah:

Good recommendation.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

If you have recommendations for things that make you happy that you think might make other people happy, post them on the subreddit, send them in an email. We'll curate a list of recommended things, women things. Yes. Boobies.

Mark:

Boobies. Boobies or women I'm leaving this chat now. If you're interested in the schedule for the next month or so, please remember to join the newsletter. That's the first place it comes out. And our newsletter comes out later this week.

Sarah:

Alright. Until next time. Bye, maniacs.

Mark:

Bye, boobies. Thanks for joining us on the mystery maniacs podcast. If you enjoyed our crazy podcast today, don't miss out on future episodes. Follow us on social media for updates, beyond the scenes content, and exclusive sneak peeks. Subscribe, like, and share to spread the word.

Mark:

Bye, Maniacs.

Sarah:

I would gladly wear a Porky Pigeon pizza t shirt. Oh. I love that logo. Congratulations. He's so cute.