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You know that sinking feeling when you wake up with a hangover and think: “I’m never doing this again”? We’ve all been there. But what happens when you follow through? Sonia Kahlon and Kathleen Killen can tell you, because they did it! They went from sisters-in-law, to Sisters in Sobriety.
In this podcast, Sonia and Kathleen invite you into their world, as they navigate the ups and downs of sobriety, explore stories of personal growth and share their journey of wellness and recovery.
Get ready for some real, honest conversations about sobriety, addiction, and everything in between. Episodes will cover topics such as: reaching emotional sobriety, how to make the decision to get sober, adopting a more mindful lifestyle, socializing without alcohol, and much more.
Whether you’re sober-curious, seeking inspiration and self-care through sobriety, or embracing the alcohol-free lifestyle already… Tune in for a weekly dose of vulnerability, mutual support and much needed comic relief. Together, let’s celebrate the transformative power of sisterhood in substance recovery!
Kathleen Killen is a registered psychotherapist (qualifying) and certified coach based in Ontario, Canada. Her practice is centered on relational therapy and she specializes in couples and working with individuals who are navigating their personal relationships.
Having been through many life transitions herself, Kathleen has made it her mission to help others find the support and communication they need in their closest relationships. To find out more about Kathleen’s work, check out her website.
Sonia Kahlon is a recovery coach and former addict. She grappled with high-functioning alcohol use disorder throughout her life, before getting sober in 2016.
Over the last five years, she has appeared on successful sobriety platforms, such as the Story Exchange, the Sobriety Diaries podcast and the Sober Curator, to tell her story of empowerment and addiction recovery, discuss health and midlife sobriety, and share how she is thriving without alcohol.
Your sobriety success story starts today, with Kathleen and Sonia. Just press play!
[00:00:00] Hi, all. This is part of our sober dating series [00:01:00] and welcome to my diary of being a single sober girl. We also have an episode titled love on bottled dating, without drinking, where Kathleen and I chat about. What dating looks like when you're sober. How you can find true love about liquid courage, how you handle a date at a bar.
[00:01:17] and we sprinkle in some great stories and practical advice. So here is my diary. Let me tell you about the time I thought I found a unicorn Well, maybe a zebra. You know, a guy let's call him T who didn't flinch. When I said I didn't drink, no problem. He said, Just as long as you don't judge me for having a drink once in a while. Sure. I thought fair trade.
[00:01:44] I can do that. I was pretty upfront that a drink with dinner was about the max I was comfortable with. And he was like, yeah, no big deal. So for a good month or so it actually, wasn't a big deal. He was hitting all the right notes. When we went out to dinner, he would either not [00:02:00] drank or just get one drink and seemed totally content.
[00:02:03] Then a few weeks later, we went to brunch and he ordered a beer and I had a little mini wince. I told myself to stop judging. and wondered if I was actually a little jealous because I had been an epic brunch drinker. I lived for drinking at brunch. It was like sanctioned day drinking. I could crush a bottomless mimosa bar. And then I reminded myself that this was normal. drinking The lesson here is trust your instincts.
[00:02:31] You don't have to be okay with day drinking. It's a level up from drinking with dinner. You don't have to impose your opinion or give someone rules, but it can just not be what you're looking for in a partner. So another month with T passed and he was sending me really cute messages from work trips, and it was clear he had been out with work friends drinking, but the texts were really endearing. It's amazing.
[00:02:55] How a 2:00 AM texts of your amazing or sending me a Neo [00:03:00] song can warm my sober heart. Even if it comes with a side of probably had three gin and tonics. Lesson here. You need to decide if the one drink rule applies when they're with you or in general about how they drink So fast forward to the three month mark.
[00:03:17] We decided to go away for the weekend.
[00:03:19] And although my reservations about his drinking had been growing. He hits me with, guess what? I'm going to go dry with you this weekend. Oh, this man volunteered. I told him he didn't have to, but he was adamant. And the lesson here is let somebody do this. Don't rush to tell them it's okay. Don't worry about it because it's a way of showing you that they respect your choices and care about you okay.
[00:03:41] So I get there. Mid-afternoon I take a quick nap while he finishes his work calls. And then we have some intimate time. Then I have a quick meeting and he tells me he'll be downstairs at the bar. yeah, I know red flag. Number one. But I give him the benefit of the doubt.
[00:03:57] I finish up, I head downstairs and there [00:04:00] is a couple of drinks in, you know, that like slightly glossy eyed look. Yeah. So at dinner, he keeps the drinks coming like Appetizer drink, entree drink after dinner drink instead of dessert. And I love dessert. At this point, I kind of like make a joke and I'm like, didn't you say you were going dry?
[00:04:18] And he says
[00:04:19] Oh, yeah, but today's meetings were brutal. I just needed to take the edge off. Hey, the alarm bells are going, people like going off, but here is when it goes full Titanic. On our last night, we hit up a jazz bar romantic and he orders a martini. I'm serving my mocktail, like the sober queen I am.
[00:04:41] And I notice it, the sign. You know the sign when they get fidgety towards the end of their drink. And they're looking around for the waitress, like she is flying the last helicopter out of nom. He is waving her down for his third martini and I'm sitting there thinking. [00:05:00] This is not the guy who volunteered to go drive. So by the time we get back to the hotel, he fall lops into the bed fully closed. without brushing his teeth. Guys, I am a former dentist and this is SAC religious. And then he wants to watch Netflix.
[00:05:14] He lasts about 20 minutes into American nightmare and then starts snoring open mouth. This is my American nightmare. I start rummaging around the hotel room in the dark, looking for earplugs that I know I packed and I stubbed my toe on the wheel at my suitcase. I'm holding my toe hopping around and I stop.
[00:05:35] And I think. What. The hell am I doing in this situation? So I get home the next day. I'm trying to process what just happened. I tell my friends and my fam about the weekend. I downplay the drinking of course, because I always have really comfy place to live. Then a few days later. A little quicker at picking up on clues my sister-in-law calls [00:06:00] and
[00:06:00] I can tell her voice is cracking and she says, he's not per you. You've worked so hard to get where you are and he's not respecting your choices. And that hit me hard. She was right. I'd been so caught up in not wanting to seem too sober or too judgy. That I let my own boundaries get trampled. So I did the hard thing.
[00:06:20] I broke up with them the next day I cried. Of course, like the whole ugly cry sat on the kitchen floor, asked my poodle if I was going to be alone for ever. But then I took myself on a little trip to home goods. I picked up like $80 worth of pink candles. I stopped by the gas station on my way, home grabbed a bag of sour cream ruffles and a caffeine free diet cherry Coke, which is like big go-to comfort snacks since I was probably 10 years old.
[00:06:46] And. I don't pull this escape patch often, maybe twice a year, but today was the perfect day for it. That's when I got home. and I got into bed at six 30. poured that. So to Intuit champagne glass open [00:07:00] my chips, pop some popcorn, turned on love island, and Sure. I cried a little more, but this time I cried because I knew I had chosen me.And that my sisters is how we respect our own am choices.
[00:07:13] Cheers to that.