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What I ate last week. Ranked #182 in food podcasts in Mexico according to an email I just got.
More cursed and puzzling recipes from A Taste of Home by Cokesbury United Methodist Church (1998). I’m sorry that I am bringing shame to your community but it must be done. You must be exposed. Hot Chicken Salad is listed multiple times throughout this book. There are six pages of broccoli casserole. There must be 30-40 chocolate pie recipes, one of which, “Gene’s Chocolate Pie” has the word NO written next to it. Overall not as scary as the recipes that I pulled out of the epstein files but it’s a close second in awfulness. Now, I’m making fun of these recipes and I want folks to know that I do understand that these recipes were developed before the modern conveniences of having six Food Lions within a 20 minute drive that the area in which this cookbook was written has today. People had to be inventive with what they had and use canned and preserved items; I understand that these recipes live on because that’s how folks grew up; what I do not understand is the refusal for many folks I encounter to cook anything from scratch anymore and rely heavily on pre-prepared and processed foods. There are very valid reasons to rely on prepared and canned foods for meals, such as cost and other physical and mental barriers to being able to cook a meal. I am so thankful that there are so many prepared foods available for folks like my dad, who is busy and can’t always cook for himself, although he does have the luxury of teaching himself how. What I don’t understand is why 200 page community cookbooks are almost entirely insane recipes involving highly processed foods. How did this become the dominant food culture of this area and these cook books? What happened to all the scratch recipes? It reminds me of the American on 90 day fiance who went to Africa and told everyone that you don’t have to cook soup in America, you can just open a can of any flavor you want. Makes me think of when I met a Korean man in the HMart food court who was there visiting on a tractor sales trip and told me that Americans don’t know how to cook at home and don’t have a cuisine. There’s a lot of great southern food and I don’t know why it’s seemingly been lost on the communities around me. How is it that the culture has uniformly become about dumping things out of cans? Most of the women submitting these recipes grew up with mothers and grandmothers on farms making whipped cream from fresh, local cream and somehow then decided that collectively every recipe was going to use Cool Whip. These are women who are perfectly capable of making whipped cream. It’s the same mentality of the churches around us who pool their money together to buy flowers or food for the church and spend it at Walmart instead of buying from a local producer. Anyway, let’s talk about the worst of the recipes that they shared.
Ham in a Blanket
1 can (8 count) crescent rolls
1 package thin sliced ham
8 slices of cheese (cheddar or swiss)
Spread crescent rolls out. Lay 1 slice of ham and 1 slice of cheese on each roll. Roll up. Place on greased cookie sheet and cook at 375 12 to 15 minutes or until golden brown. Eight servings.
Sausage Balls
1 lb sausage - room temperature
1 lb sharp cheese - room temperature
2 c self rising flour
Mix in a bowl until mixed well. Roll in small balls and place on a cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for 15 to 20 minutes.
Tuna Ball
8oz cream cheese
6.5oz tuna (water pack)
1 small onion (chopped fine)
Lemon juice (optional)
Horseradish to suit taste
Salt to suit taste
Pepper to suit taste
Chopped walnuts
Combine all ingredients. Refrigerate. Form into ball and roll in chopped walnuts. Serve with your favorite selection of crackers.
Catfish Stew
2 lb catfish filets (boneless)
2 large onions
4 large potatoes
½ tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp salt
1 tsp fresh ground pepper
½ tsp tarragon
1 tsp parsley
6 slices of bacon
6 eggs
In 9 x 13 inch pan, layer fish, onion, and potatoes. Add spices on top of layers and top with bacon slices. Cover with foil. Cook in 350 oven for 40 minutes or until done. Break eggs over dish. Let sit in oven till poached. Serve hot.
Hobo Stew
3 medium potatoes
3 medium chopped onions
2 sliced carrots
1 small green pepper
1 can kidney beans with liquid
1 can tomato soup and enough water to rinse out the can
1 lb hamburger
Line casserole dish with sliced potatoes, sliced onion, celery, carrots, and green pepper. Pour on beans. Break hamburger into bits and sprinkle on top. Pour on soup. Cover with foil and bake 2.5 hours at 350.
Melina’s Taco Soup
2 lb ground beef
1 large can diced tomatoes
1 can navy beans
1 can hominy
1 pkg ranch dressing mix
1 pkg taco seasonings
(Do Not Add Water!) Put all in crock pot and cook on low all day. Serve with cheese (mozzarella, sharp), a dollop of sour cream, and tortilla chips.
Mama’s Fruit Fluff
1 large can pineapple chunks
1 large can fruit cocktail
1 can mandarin oranges (drained)
1 10oz strawberries - frozen
1 lemon instant pudding
2 sliced bananas
Mixed all ingredients together and refrigerate up to one week.
Ginger Ale Salad
1 package Royal Lime Jello
½ c boiling water
½ c cold water
1 c ginger ale
½ c chopped celery (optional)
2 apples (cut to bite size)
½ c chopped walnuts
Dash of salt
Mix jello and boiling water until jello is dissolved. Add cold water and ginger ale. Chill to syrupy stage. Add celery, apples, walnuts, and salt. Mix together and chill.
Spaghetti Salad
1 medium Cucumber
1 medium purple onion
1 large ripe tomato
1 small green pepper
1 bottle Salad Supreme salad or can
Use Italian dressing
1 16oz box spaghetti cooked and drained
Dice vegetables and add to cooled spaghetti. Add your bottle of dressing and toss. For a little added spice, add some hot sauce. Chill and serve.
Chicken Breast Dish
6 chicken breasts or thighs
1 jar dried beef slices
4 strips bacon
1 can chicken mushroom soup
Place chicken pieces in dish. Spread dried beef and bacon across top. Cover with chicken mushroom soup (undiluted). Cook 1 hour.
Chicken and Dumplings
1 whole chicken or 4 breasts
1 large can Hungry Jack biscuits
Boil chicken until done and debone. Add back to chicken broth. Roll out dough (biscuits) and cut into slices. Add dough to boiling water. Cook 30 minutes on medium. Add salt and pepper to taste.
Country Ham
1 20-25 lb ham
1-2 liter coke
1 c honey
2 tsp vinegar
Soak ham 24 to 48 hours before cooking. Put ham in cooker cover with water, add coke, honey and vinegar. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to just keep boiling. Cook 15 minutes per lb. Cool and debone cool and slice as needed.
Spaghetti Casserole
1 16 oz package spaghetti noodles, cooked
1.5 lb ground beef
½ c salad style green olives
1 small onion
1 can tomatoes soup
1 soup can milk
2 8 oz cream cheese
Spray a 13 x 9 inch casserole dish with non-stick cooking spray. Place noodles in dish. Brown ground beef with onion and olives; drain well. Combine soup, milk, and cream cheese in a small saucepan over medium heat; stirring often. Heat until smooth. Add soup mixture to ground beef mixture and stir well. Pour over noodles and bake 350 for approximately 30 minutes or until heated through.
Maddie’s Steak in the Oven
Top sirloin steak
Onion-chopped
Salt
Flour
Beat top sirloin until cubed. Batter with salt and flour and fry until well sealed. Put in casserole dish and add lots of chopped onion. Make gravy and pour over steak. Cover with at least 2 layers of foil and put in oven. 250 or 300 for 3 hours. Can cut with a fork. This is very good when you are carrying dinner to a friend.
HOW TO COOK A TURKEY "Mama's Recipe"
1 turkey
water
salt
The day before your turkey dinner, stew the neck and giblets for several hours in a covered pot with water and a little salt. Put the resulting broth in the refrigerator for the next day for making gravy. When the turkey is thawed out, wash it inside and out with running water and pull out any stray pin feathers and dry it off. Salt the turkey good inside. If you cook your dressing now, fill it at both ends and sew it up with a darning needle and some heavy thread. Smear several tablespoons of butter or shortening all over the outside of the turkey as if you are giving it a facial. Salt it thoroughly all over. Tie a string around the middle to hold the wings up against the body and tie the knob ends of the drumsticks together. Your turkey is now ready to roast. Put a rack in the bottom of a roaster or deep pan. Put the turkey on the rack, breast up and cover the turkey entirely with a sheet of heavy duty aluminum foil, tuck it down around the sides of the turkey. Do all of this after supper on the day before you plan to serve it. By the time the turkey is ready for the oven it will be time for bed. Set the oven at 275° or no higher than 300°; you want to cook this turkey, not cremate it. Figure to cook the turkey about 30 minutes per lb. of weight up to 6 hours, which is right for a 12 or 13 lb. turkey. If the turkey weighs more figure on 7 or 8 hours, which is a full nights sleep. Put the turkey in the oven, set your alarm clock and go to bed, when the clock goes off, turn off the oven. Leave the door shut and go back to sleep. An hour or so before dinner take the foil off the turkey and take it out of the oven while you heat it up to 325°. Now smear it good with the drippings and put it back into the oven to brown, baste it every 10 or 15 minutes, until it is golden brown.
Squash and Onions
Squash- cut in small pieces
Onions- cut in small pieces
Bacon grease
Salt
Pepper
Cut squash and onions in small pieces. Put in deep frying pan with bacon grease. Stir often until thoroughly done and slightly browned. Season with salt and pepper. (can be prepared early and frozen).
Farmhouse Barbecue Muffins
1 tube (10 oz) refrigerated buttermilk biscuits
1 pound ground beef
½ c ketchup
3 tbsp brown sugar
1 tbsp cider vinegar
½ tsp chili powder
1 c shredded cheddar cheese
Separate dough into biscuits. Flatten into 5 inch circles. Press each into the bottom and up the sides of a greased muffin cup. Set aside. In a skillet brown beef, drain. In a small bowl mix ketchup, brown sugar, vinegar and chili powder. Stir until smooth. Add to meat and mix well. Divide the meat mixture among biscuit lined muffin cups using about ¼ c for each. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake 375 for 18-20 minutes or until golden brown.
Old Timely Chess Pie
3 eggs
1.5 c sugar
1 tbsp sweet milk
1 tbsp meal
¾ stick of butter
Dash of salt
1 tsp vanilla
Cream butter and sugar. Beat eggs separate and add to ingredients. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.
Hawaiian Pie
1 can condensed milk
1 large can crushed pineapple, drained
1 c nuts
⅓ c lemon juice
1 large carton cool whip
Pour into 2 graham cracker crusts and chill
Sarah’s Yogurt Pie
2 carton Dannon yogurt (any fruit flavor)
½ c fruit of same flavor
1 small carton Cool Whip
Mix all ingredients together and pour into graham cracker pie shell. Freeze for 3 hours.
Goofy Cake
Cake
1 box yellow cake mix
1 stick melted margarine
12 oz chocolate chips
1 c chopped nuts
1 egg
Filling
1 box 10x
2 eggs
1 8 oz package cream cheese
1 tsp vanilla
Mix cake ingredients together and press in greased 12 x 13 inch pan. Mix filling ingredients together. Pour over cake mixture. Bake 350 40 minutes to 1 hour, depending on individual oven. This was Vickie’s recipe that I love and cherish.
Mama’s Ice Box Cake (Very Old Recipe)
½ lb marshmallows
1 c rich milk or cream
1 tbsp sugar
1 c chopped nuts
½ c raisins
1 box graham cracker crumbs
1 c dates or figs
Cut marshmallows in quarters and mix with milk. Let stand 10 minutes. Mix remaining ingredients, leaving ⅓ c crumbs. Roll in crumbs.
Mama’s Winter Kitchen Cake
2 16 oz cans pitted cherries in syrup (or 1 28 oz can fruit cocktail, peaches, etc)
2 tbsp melted butter
1.5 c all purpose flour
2 c packed brown sugar, divided
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
1 egg
½ c chopped walnuts
1.5 c boiling water
Pour cherries into a 9 x 13 inch pan. Add butter. Add flour, ½ c brown sugar, soda, baking powder, and salt. Add egg and beat with fork until well blended, about two minutes. Spread butter evenly in pan. Sprinkle with 1 ½ c brown sugar and walnuts. Pour boiling water over entire mixture. Bake in 350 oven for 40 minutes. Serve warm with ice cream, or whipped cream.
Rum Cake
Cake
1/2 c. chopped pecans
1 pkg. Duncan Hines Butter Golden Cake Mix
1 3 1/2 oz. pkg. vanilla instant pudding mix
1/2 c. water
1/2 c. oil
4 eggs
1/2 c. rum
Grease and flour bundt pan. Crumble chopped pecans in bottom of pan. In large mixing bowl combine cake and pudding mixes. Add rum, water, oil and eggs. Mix 2 minutes at medium speed on mixer. Pour into pan and bake at 325° for 50 to 60 minutes. Remove from oven and leave in pan. Immediately pour hot rum glaze over cake. After 5 minutes remove cake from pan. This cake is good served hot or cold. Will keep for weeks without refrigeration. Can be baked using a chocolate butter recipe fudge mix instead of yellow mix for a chocolate rum cake.
Glaze
1 c. sugar
1 stick butter
1/4 c. rum
1/4 c. water
Combine all ingredients and boil 2 to 3 minutes.
Enough Punch to Serve 100 People
2.5 gallons lime sherbert
2 46 oz cans pineapple juice
2 8 oz lemon juice
12 qt ginger ale
Mix all ingredients together and serve
Zesty Punch
2 pkg strawberry Kool aid (or any flavor)
1 small frozen lemonade
1 small frozen orange juice
1 tall can pineapple juice
2 c sugar
Dissolve Kool aid with a little hot water in a gallon jar. Add other juices and finish filling jar with water. When ready to serve add a qt ginger ale. You may freeze punch to use as an ice ring. Be sure not to freeze the ginger ale. Pouring the ginger ale in the bowl is what makes it so zesty. This makes 1 gallon. Serves approx 25. [IF GINGER ALE IS SO IMPORTANT WHY DON’T YOU INCLUDE IT IN THE INGREDIENTS LIST]
How To Make Cake Mix Better
1 c plain flour
1 c sugar
1 egg
1 stick of butter (if desired)
Mix and add to cake mix
Gayle’s Microwave Vegetables
1 head cauliflower
1 bunch broccoli
4 carrots
Garlic salt
Pepper
1 stick margarine
Place cauliflower in center of round dish. Place broccoli pieces around cauliflower. Slice carrots diagonally and place around dish. Sprinkle with garlic salt and pepper. Drizzle 1 stick of margarine over vegetables. Cover with plastic wrap, leave one corner open. Microwave on high for 19 minutes. So good and so pretty.
BONUS
Elizabeth Luard
Wallis Simpson’s doights de fromage
A seductive little savoury as served to the Prince of Wales by the then Wallis Simpson in the 1930’s. Eat them with your fingers for maximum effect. Serves six at the end of a dinner party, or in the morning for two as a post-prandial breakfast.
1 ripe camembert
2 tablespoons cream cheese
4 tablespoon double cream, whipped
Salt and pepper
2-3 tablespoons grated parmesan
To serve
Water biscuits
Mash the camembert and cream cheese together and push through a fine sieve, or give them a thorough chopping in the food processor. Fold in the whipped cream. Taste and season. Line a baking tray with clingfilm, spread with the mixture in a thick layer, and freeze until perfectly firm. Turn out onto a board, cut into neat fingers, dust all over with parmesan and serve ice-cold on a silver dish handed round by the butler, accompanied by a footman with piping-hot water-biscuits warmed through in the oven and wrapped in a snow-white napkin (preferably monogrammed)