Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
With a variety of shows, Legion Podcasts brings you discussion on the worlds of horror, film and video games from an assortment of perspectives.
There is very little time or point in an explanation.
To be blunt, the audio came from a timeline and dimension that
has collapsed at a quantum level, rendering it null and void in
terms of existence. Operational time in the dimensional continuum
where the beings that created the audio collapsed in on itself,
rendering all of their civilization, including technology, null and
void. Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and
changing. The destruction has a nexus that centers on cinema.
Psyops.
Ten years. Man. 1010 years.
Ten years. Man ten years. Ten years.
1010 years.
Ten years.
What is the most likely way humanity. Will be wiped out? Maybe it's something from
space. Or us. Although the way the world ends might.
Be because of you. And if this is the case, you. Wouldn'T have any control
over it. The global temperature rise underscores a chilling
reality. Our planet is trying to tell us. Something,
but we don't seem to be listening. A recent study has suggested that one third
of annual deaths due to heat are directly related to global warming.
On top of the initial flash of thermonuclear light,
which is 180 million degrees, which catches everything on
fire in a nine mile diameter radius. On top of
the bulldozing effect of the wind, all the buildings coming down, and more fires
igniting more fires on top of the radiation, if they happen to have survived poisoning
people to death. On top of all that, each one of these fires creates
a mega fire that is 100 or more square
miles.
Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and
changing. The destruction has a nexus that centers on
cinema psyops. A breathtaking scientific revolution
is taking place. Biotechnology has been progressing at
stunning speed, giving us the tools to eventually gain
control over biology, solving the deadliest diseases,
while also creating viruses more dangerous than nuclear
bombs. Able to devastate humanity. It's man.
Returning to the most primal, violent state
as people fight over the tiny resources
that remain. What if the world we live in. Is just a dream or a
simulation? Whether it's a dream or some advanced computer game you
are playing right now, now, when it ends, you would be. What causes
the end of the world. Please, do us all a favor.
Continue dreaming or playing this game of. Life, because when
you wake up or. Unplug, there's a chance the rest of. Us will be blaked
out of existence. Timelines across the entire continuum
are collapsing and changing. The destruction has a nexus that centers
on cinema. Silence. 1010 years.
Ten years. Hello.
Welcome to the 478th consecutive week
of cinema psyops. I'm your host, Cort. The guy that's super stoked to
be the one that got to pick the movie we're talking about this week and
a little bummed out that it wasn't his choice as my co host, man.
Could have been my choice. There's so many good movies to choose from,
so I'm glad it still made a list. That's right. This week we're talking the
Big Lebowski. Now, the reason that I have fewer choices
than you, and soon it's going to become all of your choices, even though I'll
be doing the notes for some of them, is because, well,
I gave up some of my ten that I was going to do, be able
to do what we're going to be doing after we finally finish up your list
and, well, mine, which is coming to an end very abruptly in the. Next few
kind of weird torture porn. Is that going to be.
Yeah. What did I pick to be our final run to the end
of our consecutive weeks? What would I possibly have picked?
I don't know. Uh, rape fest 6000.
Revenge shit. Yeah.
I'm not that edgy anymore, so it's not going to. Yeah, it's not going to
be a rape. Revenge films. That's good. We. We've all mellowed out in our old
age. Well, yeah, living through Covid pretty much turned me into
a wuss real quick. Because this is a Saturday. We're recording
this. We don't do that a lot. So there we go.
You're having a drink because you don't have to worry. Yeah, Dan, right? I'm having
a beer. Why not? I was so stoned before we started recording
on yours, and I didn't know if I'd make it through it. No. Do a
shot, too. Well, if that's the case, if you're going to actually start
doing shots, we need to get through this recording very quickly, so you don't.
Let's go fast. All right. The big Lebowski, one of
my absolute favorite films. We're going be talking about it at length
because it is almost 2 hours, and I did my notes in thirds
because that's just the easiest thing for me. I did not edit out any
of the casual racism, the sexism, or any of the things that may
have been in this script that people will find offensive, including racial
slurs that were just common colloquialisms about people
being ripped off in some way, shape or form that Sam Elliot delivers at the
very beginning of the film. It starts off with these things. It's all the
way through it. And it just is something that shows you what life
was like in the nineties. It's a really good snapshot of the way
that in that early nineties. Yeah, it was
a different time. Yeah, it was wrong. We freely admit that
here at cinema psyops. But this is what is contained in the movie.
But we grew. And if we cut it all out, we literally just have a
bunch of star spot spots like I am doing
right now, which is basically. Yeah, I will also say this. You cut it
out and then you lose. How far we've come.
We've learned from all of that to be better.
And I get people maybe sensitivities about not
wanting to hear that kind of stuff. And if it were happening today
in, like, current stuff. Yeah, I get it. That's terrible. This could show
you. Listen, this movie was done, you know, 20 some odd years ago.
Now. Fuck me. And I hate aging.
And, you know, where do you.
We learned. Cause that's how you learn, is by making
mistakes and just owning up to it and going, oh, yeah, that was probably kind
of shitty. Glad I don't do that anymore. I glad I learned
something. You know, in 20 years from now, I wonder what we'll be learning then.
But what we're saying now is such horseshit,
Evan. What will be. We don't know how difficult it's going to be able to
breathe whenever climate change takes away all of our sources of oxygen.
And we're slowly starving to death because all of our sources of oxygen also are
either our sources of food or sources of food for our sources of food.
All right. Bummer. Jesus Christ. I mean, that's just, like, your opinion,
man. Anyway, let's get into covering the actual
movie and move on. But I was just, like, saying that. I will just say
this. It's just for those that will be offended by that, for the racial.
Stuff it in there. And I know that I normally cut it out. And the
worst stuff, which is like, the denigrating slurs, more so than the casual
racism that's in this film, I will still cut those out just because.
But I just wanted to state it. It's in there. Warning in advance. Let's move
on. And you know what? It's another one of those movies that if you quote
it right, you could succeed in business and friendship.
Yeah, this is pretty much the film that endeared me to my tattoo artist.
I mean, therapist. Your therapist, man. I keep telling you,
I'll be able. To use that story in my story time. So there we go.
Why don't we stop fucking around and go ahead and just actually cover the big
Lebowski. We're gonna take the break here. We're gonna play the Legion Patreon
ad, and on the pirate radio edit for this week, all songs featured
in the big Lebowski. Up first, we're gonna have some credence because we
have to hold out hope for the tape deck and the credence. This will keep
us quiet. Oh, hi there. I didn't see you.
You caught me. Some litigation issues, actually, with our.
Yeah, with our first sponsor. It's a little crazy.
Yeah. Dan and Shamir both. Yeah, and Shamir both got into
a. Little Tiz with us over the charges for the cards.
Yeah, we didn't ask for them, and we basically have that on our side.
Lord, send me some failure to make. Payment notice or whatever. Yeah, I got
one of those, too. I was summoned. Really?
Yeah. Well, you've got a full fledged. I've just gotten, like, a back date.
Oh, they really hate you. They really do. You know what?
It's a thing. It's Dan. Yeah, Dan really hates you.
Think we should maybe contact our. Our lawyers? I think I've
already contacted my lawyer, Jill fraud. Big guy. Really? What does he
cover? Forgery. Really? Yeah. Nice.
Well, I know that I've gotten my hands on Don fake. Oh, don't fake.
It's a specialty fraud. Okay. Makes sense, right? Since everything's
fake, it says. Yeah, I haven't gotten to be Bob bogus yet.
Will be, as they call him, apparently, in the office. Yeah. Or BB. I've heard
him refer to as BB. BB. I think it's a lot of. He wears a
lot of hats around there. Yeah. Yeah. I've never actually met BB.
I think when I say a lot of hats, I literally mean he walks
around in disguises all day long. Well, that's what I assume, because every photo I've
ever seen of him, he's either wearing, like, a Stetson or a fedora or something
along those lines. Yeah. It's weird. But, hey, listen, they're defending us,
that they're our lawyers. They have a great track record. Yeah, they really do.
I mean, bogus fakes and fraud, they handle everything. I mean,
the documentation they showed me shows they're undefeated, as far as I understand.
I don't know if bogus fakes and frauds is gonna lie to me. I don't
know who's telling me the truth. Trust a law firm named bogus fakes and
fraud. You can't trust anybody. Exactly. And it's really weird that there's more than one
fake. And they just basically are under the term fakes. Like,
it's. You think it would be bogus. Fake. Fake. Fake and
fraud. They chose fakes and fraud instead. Yeah, well, the fake triplets,
you know, they don't. They don't. Oh, they're not in it for triplets.
Yeah. I did not know. Yeah, triplets, you. You'd think they'd be a little
less identical, but now it's. I thought it was all the same guy, but.
Yeah, no, they're. They're triplets, and they are here, you know,
to assist us. They're gonna handle it. They'll take care of this. And I
do believe that we can get both Shamir and Dan to back down.
All right, that is credence Clearwater revival. And Matt, who has started drinking,
he was singing along to it and wrecking everybody in the cut. Listen, I'm a
simple man, and I hear credence and I sing along.
I'm sorry. Credence is one of the
most enjoyable rock bands from that era. Everything about them
is great, and they deserve all the success that they got. And they jam so
far fucking hard. Oh, so hard. What also jams super
fucking hard is the big Lebowski. So let's get started on that with the
first third of the film. That's just like your opinion,
man, which. Starts with our first
clip. Way out west, there was this fella. Fella I want to
tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least
that was a handle his loving parents gave him. And he never had much
use for himself, this Lebowski, he called himself the
dude. Now, dude, that's a name no one
would self apply where I come from. But then there
was a lot about the dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to
me, and a lot about where he lived, likewise.
But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darn
interesting. They call Los
Angeles the city of angels. I didn't find
it to be that, exactly. But all those. There are some nice people.
Folks there. Of course, I can't say I seen London,
and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no
queen in her damned dundies, as the fella says. But I'll
tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles,
and this'll hear story I'm about to unfold,
I guess I've seen something every bit as stupefying as you'd seen
any of those other places, and in English, too.
So I can die with a smile on my face without
feeling like the good lord jipped me. Now, this here story I'm
about to unfold took place back in the early nineties,
just about the time of our conflict with Saddam and the Iraqis.
I only mention it cause sometimes there's a man. I won't
say a hero. Cause what's a hero? But sometimes
there's a man, and I'm talking about the dude here.
Sometimes there's a man. Well, he's the man
for his time and place. He fits right in there,
and that's the dude in Los Angeles.
And even if he's a lazy man, and the dude was most certainly
that, quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles
county, which would place him high in the running for laziest
worldwide. But sometimes there's a mandeh.
Sometimes there's a man.
Wow, lost my train of thought here.
But, hell, I done
introduced him enough. With them all for collective action.
This will not stand. This will not stand, this aggression
against Kuwait.
During the clip, we see the dude shopping for some half and half
and undecided if what's there in his local grocery is up to
snuff or not. He sniffs at it after opening it and gives us a
pondering look at the camera before the film cuts to the dude,
with a hint of a milk mustache, writing a check for a whopping $0.69
that you absolutely know is going to bounce. Well. That's it.
Yeah, definitely. But real quick, how awesome is Sam Elliott? Yeah,
he is the perfect person to play this sort of spirit of the west narrator
who becomes fascinated with the dude. That man's voice just made sweet,
sweet love to my ears just now, and I'm for it.
At the end of the clip, the dude is skipping his way home.
He opens his door to a home invasion where a dude dunks his
head in the toilet. Yeah, and that is the start of our second clip.
Where's the money, Lebowski? You want that
money, Lebowski? Bunny says you're good for it.
Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the money,
Lebowski? Where's the fucking money,
shithead? It's, uh. Oh,
it's down there somewhere. Let me take another look.
Don't fuck with us.
Your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe
money to Jackie Treehorn. Ever. Thus, the deadbeat Slavowski.
Oh, no, don't do thi.
Not on the rug, man. See? See what
happens, Lebowski? You see what happens? Nobody calls
me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the dude,
man. Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
My wife? Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger?
Does this place look like I'm fucking married? The toilet seat's up,
man. What the fuck is this? Obviously,
you're not a golfer. Woo?
Yeah? Isn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire?
Fuck. Yeah. What do you think? Like a fucking loser.
Hey, at least I'm housebroken.
Thanks a lot, asshole. And that ruins his
half and half that he just stole from the store because you know that check
is gonna bounce. That check's bounced. All right, so this is
rubber. This clip ends with the idiots leaving the apartment, and then it cuts to
a credit sequence that is the bowling equivalent of pornography
as it glorifies that pastime like none has ever done before,
set to the absolutely most harmonic song Bob Dylan
has ever performed, with the man and me.
This is good shit. The sequence stops on Steve Buscemi's character of
Donnie Bowling. And our third clip.
I'm throwing rocks tonight. Mark it, dude. This was
a valued rock. This was a.
Yeah, man, it really tied the room together. So this was
a value, dog. Tied the room together. My rug. Were you listening
to the dude's story? Donnie? Were you listening to the Dude's story?
I was mulling. So you have no frame of reference here, Donnie. You're like
a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know.
Walter, what's the point, man? There's no reason. Here's my point,
dude. There's no fucking reason why these. Yeah, Walter, what's your point? Huh?
Walter, what is the point. Look, we all know
who is at fault here. What the fuck are you talking about? Huh?
No, what the fuck are you. I'm not. We're talking about unchecked aggression
here. What the fuck is he talking about? Forget it, Donnie. You're out of your
element. Walter, the Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't
go give him a bill. So what the fuck are you talking about? What the
fuck are you talking about? The Chinaman is not the issue here, dude. I'm talking
about drawing a line in the sand, dude. Across this line, you do
not. Also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred
nomenclature. Asian American, please. Walter,
this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy. Fuck are
you. Walter, he peed on my rug. He peed on the dude's rug.
Donnie, you're out of your element. Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue
here. So, who. Who. Jeff Lebowski.
The other Jeffrey Lebowski, the millionaire. That's fucking interesting,
man. That's fucking interesting. Plus, he has the wealth,
obviously, and the resources, so that there's no reason. There's no
fucking reason why his wife should go out, no money all over
town, and then they come and they pee on your fucking rug. Am I
wrong? No. Am I wrong? Yeah. Okay, then.
That rug really tied the room together, did it not? Fucking.
Eh, this guy peed on it. Donnie, please. You know, this is the
fucking guy. I could find this fucking Lebowski guy. His name is Lebowski?
That's your name, dude. This is the guy who should compensate me for the fucking
rug. His wife goes out and owes money all over town,
and they pee on my rug? They pee on your rugged fucking rug?
Peed on my fucking rug. That's right, dude. They peed on your fucking
rug. This is the study. As you can see, the various commendations
award, honorary degrees,
et cetera. Very impressive. Oh, please feel free to inspect them. Oh,
no, I'm not. Oh, please, please. That is the key to the city of Pasadena,
which Mister Lebowski received two years ago in recognition of his various
civic. Oh, that's the Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce
Business Achiever Award, which is given. Well, not necessarily given every year.
Given only when there's a worthy. Is this him with Nancy?
Yes, indeed, that is Mister Lebowski with. The first lady, yes.
Who's taking one? Misses Reagan. Is this Lebowski on the left there?
Yeah, of course. Mister Lebowski on the left. So he's a handicapped
guy? Mister Lebowski is disabled, yes. This picture
was taken when Misses Reagan was first lady of the nation. Yes, yes. Not of
California. In fact, he met privately with the president, though unfortunately,
there wasn't enough time for a photo opportunity. Pretty good. Oh,
wonderful woman. We were very happy. These are. Oh,
those are Mister Lebowski's children, so to speak.
No, they're not. Racially, he's pretty cool.
They're not literally his children. They're the little Lebowski urban achievers,
inner city children of promise, but without the necessary means for a necessary means
for a higher education. So Mister Lebowski is committed to sending all of them to
college. Excuse me. Thank you. Thank you. Far out. He's got
room for one more. One. Oh,
you never went to college. Please, don't touch that. I did, but,
you know, I spent most of my time occupying various administration buildings,
smoking a lot of thai steaks breaking into the ROTC. You know,
bowling? Tell you the truth, Brian, I don't remember
most of it. Oh, okay,
sir. You're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski. That's terrific.
But I am very busy, as I imagine you are. The. What can I do
for you, sir? Well, sir, it's this rug I
have. It really tied the room together. Told Brant on the
phone. He told me. Where do I fit in? Well, they were looking for you,
these two guys. I'll say it again. You told Brandt on the phone.
He told me. I know what happened. Yes, yes. Oh, so you know that they
trying to piss on your rug? Did I urinate on your rug? You mean,
did you personally come and pee on my rug? Hello. Do you speak English?
Sir? Paulo usted English. I'll ask you again. Did I urinate
on your rug? No, like I said. Woo. I just
want to understand this. Every time a rug is mitigated upon
in this fair city, I have to compensate the person. Come on, man,
I'm not trying to scam anybody here. Uh, you know, I.
I'm just, uh. You're just looking for a handout like every other.
Are you employed, Mister Lebowski? Wait, wait, let me. Let me explain
something to you. Um. I am not mister Lebowski. You're Mister Lebowski.
I'm the dude. So that's what you call me, you know,
uh, that or, uh, his Dudeness, or Duder,
or, uh, you know, el Dudeness. Reno. If you're not into the whole brevity
thing. Are you employed, sir? Employed?
You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that, do you, on a
weekday? Is this? What day is this? Well, I do work, sir. So if
you don't mind. Well, I do mind. The dude minds.
This will not stand, you know. This aggression will not stand,
man. I mean, your wife owes me. My wife is
not the issue here. I hope that someday my wife will learn
to live on her alone, which is ample. But if she does not, that is
her problem, not mine, just as a rug is your problem, just as
every bombs lot in life is his own responsibility,
regardless of who he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the
loss of my legs. Some Chinaman took them from me in Korea.
But I went out and achieved anyway. I cannot solve
your problem, sir, only you can. Oh, fuck it.
Yes, that's your answer. That's your answer to everything. Tattoo it on your
forehead. Your revolution is over, Mister Lebowski. Condolences.
The bomb's law. My advice to you is to do what your parents
did. Get a job, sir. The bums will always
lose. You hear me, Lebowski? How was your meeting,
Mister Lebowski? Okay. The old man told me to take any rug
in the house. Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see
you again sometime, dude. Yeah, sure. I'm in
the neighborhood, you know, and they
do the general blow on them.
Huh? Go ahead, blow.
You want me to blow on your toes?
Uh huh. I can't blow that far.
Are you sure he won't mind? Well, he doesn't care about anything.
He's a nihilist. Oh, that must be exhausting. You're not blowing.
Our guest has to be getting along, misses Lebowski.
Oh, you're bunny.
I'll suck your cock for $1,000.
Wonderful woman. We're all very fond of her. Very free spirited brain.
Can't watch though, or he has to pay 100.
That's marvelous.
I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
I'm slamming him tonight. You guys are dead in the water.
If you want, you snow dream 20
minutes late. Man. What the fuck is that? Theodore Herzl.
State of Israel. If you will it, dude, it is no dream. What the
fuck you talking about, man? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier?
Oh. Cynthia's dollar. Think it's pomeranian. I can't
leave him home alone or eat some furniture. I'm watching it while Cynthia,
Marty Ackerman. Brought a fucking pomeranian bowling.
Brought it bowling. I didn't rented shoes. I'm not buying it a
fucking beer, he's not taking your fucking turn, dude. Man, if my fucking
ex wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her
boyfriend went to Honolulu, I told her to go fuck herself. Why can't you board
it? First of all, dude, you don't have an ex. Secondly, this is a
fucking showdown with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset.
Its hair falls out. Walter, fucking dog has fucking papers.
Over the line. Huh? I'm sorry, Smokey,
you were over the line. That's a foul. Bullshit. Market eight, dude. Excuse me.
Market zero. Next frame. All right with this is it nom, we have
rules. Yeah. This entire clip was obviously a clip
because of how fucking quotable all of that is, like, over the line.
Smokey. This is not nom. There are rules. It really tied the
room together. Shut the fuck up, Donnie. You're like a childhood wanders into the
theater and demand in the middle of a movie, demands to be told what's going
on. Yeah. Fucking helmet, Donnie. Yeah.
Everything is quotable in that. Yeah. That entire clip. That's why it became
a clip, because that's the only way that we wouldn't be sitting here quoting it
all day. You know, we don't really talk about it enough. How good is John
Goodman? Yeah. In this, especially. Any Coen brothers
especially. But he's good in a lot of stuff. Everything he does,
it's. He's all right. When he does Walter soczek,
he makes a character that is absolutely irritating and
just. Just the most annoying, ignorant human
being that you can possibly deal with, who never shuts the fuck
up about anything in his head and demands privilege that
is already given to him, be even extended further to him.
Everything about him I should hate, but I find him endearing.
He's one of those guys who's an expert on everything.
Yeah, but not really irritating. Yeah. That's why he's. He was
reprehensible that way. Yes. All right. So with that
shout of over the line, Walter proceeds to escalate the issue of not counting the
opposite player score and ends up pulling a gun on him, cocking it
and pointing it at his head and demanding that he mark it zero
over and over again. Because he's entering a world of pain.
Yes, you're entering a world of pain. After getting his way and
being told the owners are calling the cops, which they absolutely should,
Walter and the dude leave to hide out in the dude's car while arguing
about whether or not pacifism is a mental illness and who is more calm
than the other and so forth and so on. I could clip this entire movie.
So skipping this is not a fun choice, but it makes it easier to transition
to our fourth clip. Hey, dude, this is Smokey.
Look, I don't want to be a hard on about this, and I know it
wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gilbert
and I will be submitting this to the league and asking him to set aside
the round. I don't know, maybe forfeit it to us.
So, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning.
Tell Walter. I'm sorry.
Mister Lebowski. Brand at.
Well, at Mister Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as it's
convenient.
Mister Lebowski, this is Mel Zellinger of. The Southern Cal bowling league.
I just got an informal report that a member of your team,
Walter Solpczak, drew a firearm during league play.
If this is true, of course, it contravenes a number of the league's bylaws and
also article 27 of the league.
Dude. Hey, Marty. Dude,
I finally got. I got the venue I wanted.
I'm performing my dance quintet, you know. My cycle,
at Crane Jackson's Fountain street. Theater on Tuesday night. And I'd
love it if you came and gave me notes. I'll be
there, man.
Dude, tomorrow's already the 10th.
Far out. Oh. Oh, all right. Okay.
Just, uh, just slipped the rant under my door.
Serious infraction. Examine your standing.
Thank you. Mister Lebowski,
rant again. Please do call us as soon as you get in,
and I'll send the limo. I hope you're not avoiding this call because
of the rug, which I assure you,
is not a problem. We need your help, and.
Well, we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brant.
We've had some terrible news. Mister Lebowski is in seclusion in the west wing.
Mister Lebowski. Funny. I can look back on a
life of achievement, challenges met, competitors vested,
obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than
most men and without the use of my legs.
What. What makes a man, Mister Lebowski?
Dude. Huh? I don't
know, sir. Is it being prepared to do the
right thing? Whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?
Sure, that in a pair of testicles. You're joking,
but. Perhaps you're right. You mind if I do it,
Jay. Buddy. Excuse me.
Bunny Lebowski. She is the light of my life.
Are you surprised at my tears, sir? Oh,
fucking hey. Strong men also cry.
Strong men also cry.
I received this fax this morning. As you
can see, it is a ransom note. We have
money. Written by men who are unable to achieve on
a level field of play. $1 million,
unmarked, non consecutive. 20 weekly.
Await instructions. No funny
stuff. Bummer.
Huh? This is a bummer, man.
That's a bummer,
Brad. We'll free the end on the detail. Mister Lebowski is prepared
to make a generous offer to you to act as courier
once we get instructions for the money. What do you mean, man?
He believes the culprits might be the very people who
soiled your rug, and you're in a unique position to confirm
or disconfirm that suspicion. He thinks the carpet business
did this? Well, dude, we just don't know.
Fucking Santana. That creep can
roll Mandy. Yeah, but he's a pervert, dude.
Yeah. No. He's a sex
offender with a record. He did six months of Chino for exposing himself to
an eight year old when he moved to Hollywood. He had
to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pedder ass. What's a
petter ass, Walter? Shut the fuck up, Donnie.
So, how much they give you?
20 grand, Mandev. And, of course, I still get to keep the rug.
Just for making the handle? Yeah. He gave Dude a beeper.
Also, whenever these guys call. What if it's during a game? Oh,
I told them if it was during league play. What's during league play?
Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of
shit. I figure. What's wrong with Walter, Dude? I figure it's easy money,
you know, it's all pretty harmless. She probably kidnapped herself,
huh? Oh, what do you. What do you mean, dude? Rug peers did not do
this. Look at it. A young trophy wife marries
this guy for his money. She figures he isn't giving her enough.
You know, she owes money all over town.
Fucking. It's all goddamn fake,
man. It's like Lennon said. You look for the person
who will benefit and, you know.
I am the walrus? You know, you'll have. You know
what I'm trying to say. I am the walrus. That's a fucking bitch.
Oh, yeah. I am the walrus? That's ex. Shut the fuck up,
Donny the eyelet. Vladimir Ilyich Uliadoff.
The fuck is he talking about? Fucking exactly what happened. That makes me
fucking sick. Well, what do you care? At Walmart. So rich fucks
this whole fucking thing. I did not watch my buddies die face
down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet, this fucking
whore, waltz around. Nah, man. Well, there is a literal
connection, Walter. Face it, there isn't any connection. You're rolling.
Have it your way. But my point is. My point is, are you ready
to be fucked, man? I see you roll your way to the semis.
Dios me, oma lima me. We're gonna
fuck you up. Yeah, well, you know, that's just,
like, your opinion,
man. Let me tell you something,
panda. You pull any of your crazy shit
with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll stick
it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger
till it goes click. Jesus. You said it,
man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Eight year olds, dude.
Jesus Christ. Alright, so they cut from this to the dude
listening to the sounds of bowling pins from a specific bit of league
play, while laying on his new rug, when he looks up to a woman and
two Mendez standing above him. Both of the men are wearing, like, these cut off
bib overalls, that, like, really objectify them.
And it's pretty obvious that the woman's in charge because she's in the middle.
Anyway, one of them actually kneels down to punch him straight in
the fucking face and sends the dude into an unconscious, trippy dream sequence where
he is flying over his city until he falls to earth and is swept up
in a CGI bowling ball that is sent down a lane in what
I would refer to as Rollo vision because you were watching from the hole
inside of one of the balls. I mean, really, the poor dude.
Bad. He's just trying to live his life. Life. Somebody comes into his house,
pees on his rug, fucks up his apartment, nearly drowns him in his toilet
because they mistook his identity and that's a horrible
trip. Yeah, yeah. It's just so bad. Everything is so horrible for
him. Before he hits as the bowling ball going into the bowling pins, he wakes
up to his beeper going off, and it is the big Lebowski.
And that leads to our fifth clip. Speaker two called about 80 minutes ago.
They want you to take the money, drive north on the 405. They will call
you on the portable phone with instructions in about 40 minutes. One person
only. They were very clear on that, or I'd go with you. One person only.
What happened to your jaw? Oh, nothing. Here's the
money. And the phone.
Please follow whatever instructions they give. All right.
Her life is in your hands. Don't. Stay. Mister Lebowski
asked me to repeat that. Her life is in your hands. Her life
is in your hands, dude. And report back to us as soon as it's done.
Where the fuck are you going, man? Take the ringer.
The what? The ringer. The ringer,
dude. What the. Have they called yet? What the hell is
this? My dirty undies, Dude. Laundry. The whites.
Walter, I'm sure there's a reason you brought your dirty
undies. That's right, dude. The weight. The ringer cannot look empty.
Walter, what the fuck you thinking, man? You're right, Dude. I got to thinking.
I got to thinking why should we settle for a measly fucking 20 grandd
we? You said you just wanted to come along. My point, dude, is why
should we settle for 20 grand when we can keep the entire million? Am I
wrong? Yes, you're wrong. This isn't a fucking game, man.
No, but it is a game. You said so yourself. She kidnapped herself.
I said I thought. Dude here. Who is this?
Dude, the bag man. Man, where do you want us to go?
Yeah, you know, uh, me and the driver. I'm not handling
the money, driving the car and talking on the phone all by my phone,
dude. Are you fucking this up? Who is that? That is the driver.
I told you. Shit. The fuck's going on?
Walter. What the fuck is going on, man? You fucked it
up. You fucked it up. Her life was in our hands, man.
We're screwed now. We don't get shit. They're gonna kill her.
We're fucked, Walter. Nothing is fucked, dude. Come on.
You're being very undue. They'll call back. Look, she kidnapped.
You see? Nothing's fucked. Her, dude. Nothing is fucked.
There are a bunch. Bunch of fucking amateurs. Walter, will you just shut
the fuck up? Don't say people. I'm doing business here,
man. Your wife. But they're amateurs,
dude. Okay, we proceed. But only if there's no funny
stuff. Yeah, yeah, so no funny stuff,
okay? Just tell me where the fuck you want us to go. That was
the sign, man. So what we're gonna do
is get her to back. No one's in a position to complain.
We keep the back sheath. Terrific, Walter, but you haven't told
me how we're gonna get her back. Where is she? That's the simple part,
dude. We make the handoff, I grab one of them, beat it out of him.
Huh? That's a great plan.
Walter, that's fucking ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It's a swiss fucking
watch. That's right, dude. The beauty of this is its simplicity.
Once a plan gets too complex, everything can go wrong.
Wrong? There's one thing I learned in Nam, dude.
You're coming to a wooden bridge. When you cross the bridge,
you throw the bag from the left window of the moving car.
You're being watched. Fuck. What do you
say? Where's the handoff? There is no fucking handoff, man. At the wooden
bridge, we throw the money out of the car. We throw the money out
of the moving car. We can't do
that, dude. That fucks up. Well, call them up and explain it
to them, Walter, your plan is so fucking simple and people fucking understand it.
That's the beauty of it. Wooden bridge, huh? Throwing the money? Walter,
we're not fucking around, man. Okay, dude, the bridge is coming up. Give me
the ringer, chop chop. Fuck that. Walter, I love you, but sooner or
later you're gonna have to face the fact you're a goddamn moron. Okay, dude.
No time to argue. Hey, man. Walter.
Hey. Walter. There goes the radio.
Okay, dude. You're wheeled 15 mph,
I roll out. I double back. I grab one of them and beat it out
of em. Did you.
Oh, my God. Walter is such a fucking ass hat. Oh, my God.
This could all be over. And Walter just had to have his big ideas.
Well, we find out later that it wouldn't have been all over anyway, but Walter
just makes it worse and distracts from the actual point problem. The end of
this clip culminates in Walter falling out of the side of the car and is
uzi going into a free spin, shooting at an alarming rate while spinning in
every direction. How Walter did not get shot is anyone's guess, but the
car tires are not so lucky, as the car careens out of control
and smashes into a telephone pole. Jesus, that sequence is just absolutely
fucking hilarious. I always. Yeah, it's fucking fucking great.
The dude hops out of the car and runs off, trying to get the kidnappers
attention, screaming, we have it. We have it. We have it about the bag,
when all of their plans turn out to be shit. And by their plans,
I mean Walters, Walter says, fuck it. Let's go bowling,
because, yes, that's his answer for everything. Fuck it. And it cuts to the wireless,
phone ringing incessantly and Walter throwing rocks while
the dude is in a dissociative state, just staring off
into space. Walter sits down, and that sparks up yet
another argument between these two and our 6th clip.
It's high. Am he? Dude, as the x used to say.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the fuck are we gonna tell
Lebowski? Huh? Oh, him. Uh.
What exactly is the problem? The problem is.
What do you mean, what's the. There was no. We didn't,
uh. They're gonna kill that poor woman, man. The fuck
are you talking about? The poor woman. That poor slut kidnapped
herself. Come on, dude. You said so yourself. Man, I said I thought she kidnapped
herself. You're the one who's so fucking certain. That's right. All right, Dude.
100% certain. Stay close to the next round for the tournament. Donnie,
shut the. When do we play? Saturday, lieutenant. Saturday?
Well, I have to reschedule. Walter, what am I gonna tell Lebowski? I told
that fuck down at the league office. Who's in charge of scheduling? Walter.
Burk. Altar. I told that crowd a fucking thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos.
Walter. They already posted it. Well, they can fucking unpost it. Who gives a
shit? They're gonna kill that poor woman, man. What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
Come on, dude. Eventually she'll get tired of her little game, and, you know,
wander on back. Yeah. Saturday, Walter. I'm Shomar Shabas.
What's that, Walter? Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski? Saturday,
Donnie, is Shabbos, the jewish day of rust. That means I don't work, I don't
drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money,
I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll.
Sheesh. Jomer Shabbos. Walter. How am
I gonna show more fucking shabbos? Oh, fuck. That's it. I'm out of
here. Oh, come on, Dude. Dude. The dude
storms off, and that is the end of the first third of the film.
Sorry I had to do it that way. I fucking.
Goddamn, Walter. You just. What a prick.
Yeah. And then his whole. I don't do anything. That is such
a fucking. Oh, that's an annoying trait, too. You know, the Chavez thing.
That's an annoying thing. Fuck. You know, he just saw
it one time, and so he adopted it. Well, his wife was
at the time, his ex wife now, but his wife at the time was
jewish and observed and was very stringent in white.
He observed. And since he converted, he basically has
to be Walter. And he can't possibly be wrong. So he has to stay that
way. Because he converted. This is now his faith, is how he is right.
He made a decision, and this is it. He's sticking with it. He's not going
back. It's just annoying. Right. Everything about Walter
is irritating, and he is. If you celebrate Chavez,
that's not annoying. What's annoying is Walter's way of doing it.
You know what I mean? Or observing Chavez. But Walter's
doing is just annoying because Walter is annoying.
Well, he's screaming at everyone about, this is what he has to do in,
like, you know, basically demanding privilege that he already has.
It's already okay. He doesn't have to do it. Yes, the person at the
league probably forgot about it, but Walter's reaction to it is
grossly disproportionate to what is going on, which is what is annoying. Right? Yeah.
Yeah. There you go. That's. That's exactly it. That. You can't just go
and say, hey, man, you know, I recognize Chavez. So I don't. I observe that,
so I can't do any bullying or anything. So if we can change that up.
Nope. It's got to be him getting pissy about it and being very,
you know, performative. And also, let's kind of be frank about while
I kind of don't really feel like he is honest about
things, like, I get the. I get the sensation that
he has a little bit of stolen valor with his talk about Vietnam. And the
reason that I mention that is, I don't know for you personally, Matt, but all
the family members, all of the people that were loved ones or came into my
life that I know of that were actually in Vietnam do not
want to keep talking about it. Like what Walter does. They don't want
to relive it. Yeah. My dad wants it recognized. And he's
proud to be a Vietnam vet. And he wants it recognized for the way they
were treated when they got home. But, yeah, he didn't want to talk
about what happened over there. That's not. That's not a big, big thing for
him to check off. Right. And I have never had any of them proclaim the
deaths of all of their friends and all of that kind of stuff. Even though
they have talked to me about it, they have never proclaimed that. And then just
basically been like, I deserve this because my friends died or.
Yeah, exactly. All the stuff that Walter does. So it's a.
It feels so much like stolen valor. And if it's not,
and he actually is that deeply traumatized, which is something
that could also happen, he has not been seeking help
for it. And he is painting the room with his bullshit with everybody
else and making it their problem, which in turn makes him the
bad guy. In turn, it's. You may be
a victim, but because you never got help and you victimized others,
now you're no longer a victim. Now you're a perpetrator. Yeah. You're a victimizer.
At that point, you are just using your pain as an excuse to continue
hurting other people, which makes him the bad guy is what I'm saying.
So whatever is wrong with Walter, he is pretty much
the villain of the dude's story, more than any of the other characters,
kinda. He definitely makes the dude's life harder. Right. But they
also have this weird codependent pendant thing where they fight like
a married couple because they've been together so long and they are all they have.
And Donnie's like their forgotten child. Right? Donnie.
He is their ignored, abused, forgotten fucking child.
Yes, you are absolutely correct. That's the dynamic of their team. Yeah. Yes.
All right, let's move on before we get to more details into this. Yeah.
Jesus. All right, so the second 3rd starts with Walter and Donnie chasing after
the dude, with Walter gloating about keeping the money and making
fun of the dude for being worried about the money and the poor woman.
And they exit to find that the car is missing, and the wireless
phone starts ringing again. The dude gives up and decides to walk home because
they lost the money and the car. All at once. They cut from this to
the dude talking to the pigs in his home. One of them does his job
by asking him the proper questions, while the other is looking for
something to bust the dude on by going through his ashtray, clearly looking for
pot seeds or stems or anything else like that in. Our 7th clip,
some brown, rust coloration.
And was there anything of value in the car? Oh,
yeah. Tape deck, some credence
tapes, and there was my briefcase.
In the briefcase? Papers.
Just papers?
My papers. Business papers. And what do you do,
sir? I'm unemployed. My rug was also stolen.
Your rug was in the car? No, here.
Separate incidents.
Do you find in much these stolen cars?
Sometimes. Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck, though. Or the credence.
Well, what about the briefcase?
Mitchell Lebowski, I'd like to see you. Call when you get home and I'll send
car for you. My name is Maud Lebowski. I'm the woman who took your rug.
Well, I guess we can close the file on that one.
I'll be with you in a moment, Mister Lebowski.
Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mister Lebowski?
Is that what this is a picture of? In a sense, yes.
My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal, which bothers some men.
The word itself makes some mental uncomfortable. Vagina. Oh,
yeah? Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say, whereas without
batting an eye, a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his.
Johnson. Johnson? All right, Mister Lebowski. Let's get down to cases.
My father told me he agreed to let you have the rod, but as it
was a gift from me to my late mother, it was not his to give.
Now, your face. As for this kidnapping.
Huh? Yes, I know all about it, and I know that you acted as courier.
Let me tell you something. The whole thing stinks to high heaven.
Yeah, right, but. But let me explain something about the rug.
Do you like sex, Mister Lebowski? Excuse me?
Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it? I was
talking about my rug. You're not interested in sex? You mean coitus?
I like it, too. It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex.
It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. However, there are some people.
It is called caesarasis in men, bomania in women who engage in
it compulsively and without joy. Oh, no. Oh,
yes, mister Lebowski. These unfortunate souls cannot love in
the true sense of the word. Our mutual acquaintance bunny
is one of these. Listen, Maude,
I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho, but,
you know, I don't see what this has to do with. You have any kahlua?
Take a look at this, sir. Hmm?
Oh, I know that guy.
He's a nihilist.
Carl Hungus.
Hi. Hello. My new dispatcher says there's something wrong with Dino
Cabo. Yeah, come on in. I'm not really sure exactly what's really wrong
with the cable. That's why they sent me. I'm like, expert. The tv's
in here. You recognize her, of course.
Oh, that's my friend Sherry. She just came over to use a shower.
The story is ludicrous. My honest college.
Be an expert. You must be here to fix the cable.
Lord, you can imagine where it goes from here. He fixes the cable?
Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey. Little matter to me. This woman chose
to pursue a career in pornography. Know that she. She has been banging
Jackie Treehorn, to use the parlance of our times. However,
I am one of the two trustees of the Lebowski foundation, the other being
my father. The foundation takes youngsters from. What? Shit.
Yeah, the achievers. Little Lebowski urban achievers, yes, and proud
we are of all of them. I asked my father about his withdrawal of a
million dollars from the foundation account, and he told me about this abduction.
But I tell you it is preposterous. This compulsive fornicator is taking
my father for the proverbial ride. Yeah, but my. I'm getting to
your rug. My father and I don't get along. He doesn't approve of my lifestyle,
and, needless to say, I don't approve of his. However, I hardly wish to
make my father's embezzlement a police matter, so I'm proposing
that you try to recover the money from the people you delivered it to.
Well, I could do that. If you successfully do so,
I will compensate you to the tune of 10% of
the recovered sum. 100,000, yes,
bones or clams or whatever you call them. Yeah,
but what about my rug? Yes, well, with that you
can buy any number of rugs that don't have sentimental value for me,
and I am sorry about that crack on the job. Oh, that's fine.
That doesn't even. Here's the name and number of a doctor who will look at
it for you. You will receive no bill. He's a good man, and Thorough.
That's thoughtful, but, please see him, Jeffrey. He's a good man and thorough.
Oh, all right. So he says,
my wife's a pain in the ear. She's always busting my friggin agates.
My daughter's married to a jadrul. Loser bastard. I got
a rash so bad on. My ass I can't even sit down. You know
me, I can't complain, man.
I got a rash, man. Fucking a.
I gotta tell you, tone, man, earlier today,
I was really feeling shitty, man. Really down in the dumps.
Lost a little money. You know what? Forget about it,
huh? Forget about it. Yeah, fuck it, man. Can't be worried about
that shit. Life goes on, man. Home sweet home.
Mister L. Hey. Who's your friend
in the volkswagen? Huh? Yeah, he followed us
here. When did he start voting? Whoa.
Fuck. In a limo, you son of a bitch. No argument. Hey.
Hey, careful, man. There's a beverage here, huh?
Start talking, and talk fast, you lousy bum. We've been frantically
trying to reach you, dude. Where is my goddamn money, you bumdhead?
I don't. They did not receive the money, you nitwit. They did not receive the
money. Her life was in your hands. This is our concern,
dude. No, man, nothing is fucked here. Nothing is fucked?
No, man. The goddamn plane has crashed into
the mountain. No, man, come on. Who are you gonna believe those
guys are. We dropped off the damn money.
We? Why? The royal we? You know, the editorial.
I dropped off the money exactly as per. Look, man, I've got certain interests,
information. All right? Certain things have come to light and.
You know, has it ever occurred to you that instead
of, you know, running around,
blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new shit, you know,
this could be a lot more complex.
I mean, it's not just. It might not be just such a simple.
You know? What in God's holy name are you blathering about?
Well, I'll tell you what I'm blathering about. I've got information,
man. New shit is coming to light. And, shit, man,
she kidnapped herself. Well, sure, man. Look at it.
You know? A young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times,
you know, she owes money all over town,
including to known pornographers. And that's cool.
That's cool. I'm saying she needs money,
man. And, you know, of course they're gonna say they didn't get it?
Because she wants more, man. She's gotta feed the monkey.
I mean. Hasn't that ever occurred to you,
sir? No, Mister Lebowski, it had not occurred to me. That had
not occurred to us, dude. Okay. You know, you guys aren't privy to
all the new shit, so, you know. But, hey, that's what you.
That's what you pay me for. Speaking of which, do you
think that you could give me my 20,000 in cash?
My concern is, and I've got to check with my accountant, but that this
might bump me up into a higher tax grant. Give him the envelope.
Oh, well, you've already got the check made out. That's cool.
We received this this morning. Since you
have failed to achieve, even in the modest task which
was your charge, since you have stolen my money,
since you have unrepentantly betrayed my trust, I have
no choice but to tell these bums to do whatever
is necessary to recover their money from you,
Jeffrey Lebauss. And with Brant as my witness, I will tell you this,
any further harm visited upon bunny. Will be visited tenfold
upon your head. By God, sir, I will not
abide another toe. That wasn't her toe,
dude. Whose toe was it, Walter? Well, fuck should I know?
I do know that nothing about it indicates. The nail polish,
Walter. Fine, Dude. As if it's impossible to get some nail polish,
apply it to someone else. Someone else?
Where the fuck are they gonna tow? I can get you a toe. Believe me,
there are ways, dude. You don't want to know about it. Believe me. Yeah,
but, Walter, hell, I get your toe by 03:00 this afternoon with nail polishers.
They sent us a toe. We're supposed to shit ourselves with fear. Jesus Christ,
Walter. The point is, they're gonna kill her. Walter, and then they're gonna kill me.
Dude. That's. That's just the stress talking, man.
Now, so far, we have what appears to me to be
a series of victimless crimes.
Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is
a family restaurant. Oh, please, dear. For your information, the supreme
Cort has roundly rejected prior restraint. This is not a first
amendment thing. If you don't calm down, I'm gonna have to ask
you to leave. Lady, I got buddies who died face down
in the muck so that you and I can enjoy this family restaurant. All right,
I'm out of here. Hey, dude, don't go away, man. Come on.
This affects all of us, man. Our basic freedoms.
I'm staying. Finishing my car again. We have Walter
being the abuser, yeah. Not dealing with his pain and
making it everybody else's fucking problem but his. Yeah,
they cut it terrible, Walter. They cut from this to the dude smoking
a roach and taking a relaxing bath. When he finds out his
car has been recovered, his response to this is. Far out,
man. This far out, man. This joy in the message is interrupted by yet
another home invasion. This time it is these ultra KM FDM
looking motherfuckers who throw a ferret in his bath with him and then threaten to
cut off his dick and stomp on it and squish it before they. Man was
just getting high in the back. I mean, really,
I. That scene always pisses me off. All these candles.
That seems like the most relaxing shit ever. Just to have that.
That's traumatizing. They smash some more things on their way
to exit through the door. They leave his private residents, and the
film cuts from this to the impound lot. And our 8th clip,
it was discovered. Last night in Van Nuys lodged against an abutment.
Oh, man. Lodge. Where. You're lucky she didn't get shot, Mister Lebowski.
Oh, man. Must have been a joyride situation. They abandoned
the vehicle once they hit the retaining wall. Oh, my fucking briefcase.
Man. It's not here. Yeah, I saw that on the report. Sorry. You gotta get
in on the other side. The side view was found on
the road by the car. You're lucky
they left the tape deck, though, in the credence. Oh, Jesus.
What's that smell, man? Yeah. It's probably a vagrant
slipped in the car. Maybe just use it as a toilet and moved on.
Hey, man. Are you gonna find these guys or, you know,
I mean. You got any promising leads or.
Leads? Yeah. Sure. I'll just check with the boys down at
the crime lab. They got four more detectives
working on the case. The gutters, working in shifts.
Leads. My only hope is that the big Lebowski
kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off. Now,
that is just ridiculous, dude. No one's going to cut your dick off.
Thank you, Walter. Not if I have anything to say about it. Thank you,
Walter. That makes me feel very secure. It makes me feel very
warm inside this whole fucking thing.
I could be sitting here with just pee stains on my rug. Yeah.
But, no, man, I got fucking Germans. Nothing changes.
Fucking Nazis. They were Nazis, dude?
Oh, come on, Donnie. They were threatening castration. Uh huh. Are we
gonna split hairs here? No. Am I wrong? Well,
man, they were nihilists, man. Huh? They kept saying
they believe in nothing. Niles fuck
me. I mean, say what
you want about the tenets of national socialism, dude. At least it's
an ethos. And also, let's not forget. Let's not forget,
dude, that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent,
for, you know, domestic. Within the
city. That he legal, either. What are you,
a fucking park ranger now? No, I'm just trying to
give a. Shit about the fucking marmot. We are
sympathizing here, dude. Fuck sympathy. I don't need your fucking
sympathy, man. I need my fucking Johnson.
What do you need that for? You have got to buck up, man.
You cannot drag this negative energy into the tournament. Fuck the
tournament. Fuck you, Walter. Fuck the tournament?
Okay, Dude. I can see you don't want to be challenged. Geared up here.
Come on, Donnie. Let's go get us a lane.
Another Caucasian, Gary. Right, Dude.
Friends like these, huh, Gary? That's right, dude.
You got a good sarsaparilla? Sioux city sarsaparilla?
Yeah. It's a good one. How you doing there,
dude? Not too good, man. One of those days.
Yeah. Well, a wiser fellow than
myself once said, sometimes you eat the bar, and what
you bite, sometimes the bar will eat you.
Some kind of eastern thing? Far from it.
I like your style, dude. Well,
I dig your style, too, man. Got a whole cowboy thing going.
Thank you. Just one thing, dude. What's that?
You have to use so many cuss words. The fuck you
talking about? Okay, dude. Have it your
way. Take her easy,
dude. Yeah. Thanks, man.
Call for you, dude.
Hello? Jeffrey, you have not gone to the doctor. Oh.
Oh, yeah. No. No. I haven't had. I'd like to see you immediately.
Oh? So you're Lebowski. Yeah.
Marty's told me all about you. She'll be back in a minute. Sit down.
Do you want a drink? Yeah, sure. White Russian. The bar's over there.
So what do you do, Lebowski? Who the fuck are
you, man? Just a friend of Marty's. Yeah, the friend with a cleft
asshole?
What do you do? Oh, nothing much.
Hello, Jeffrey. Hello. Yeah, how are you?
Um, listen, Maude. I gotta tender
my resignation or whatever, because looks
like your mother really was kidnapped after all. She most
certainly was not. Hey, man, why don't you fucking.
Listen occasionally? You might learn something.
Now, I got. Please don't call her my mother.
She's most definitely the perpetrator and not the victim. I'm telling
you, I got pretty definitive evidence. From who? From the main guy,
Uli. Uli Konko? Her co star in the Beaver picture?
Be. You mean vagina I mean, you know the guy? I might
have introduced him for all I know. You remember Uli.
He's a musician. Used to have a group, Artobon.
Look at my lp's. They released one album in the late seventies.
The music is sort of a techno pump. So he's pretending
to be the abductor? Well, yeah. Look, Jeffrey,
you don't really kidnap someone you're acquainted with. The whole idea is
that the hostage can't be able to identify you after you've let them go.
I know that.
The fuck is with this guy? Who is he? Knox Harrington.
The video artist. So oolihandhe has
the money? Well, uh, no,
not exactly. Uh, this is a very complicated case, Maude. You know,
a lot of inns, a lot of outs, a lot of what have yous,
and, uh, a lot of, uh, strands to keep in my head, man.
You know, a lot of strands in old Duder's head. Well, if Uli doesn't have
it, then who does? Is Sandra about to be an alley?
Look, I have to take this. Do you still have that doctor's number?
Oh, no, really? It's not even bruised anymore. Oh, please,
Jeffrey. I don't want to be responsible for any delayed apps after effects teammate
Sandro. See, after effects.
The future professor Lupin playing the absolute most annoying fucking
character that you want to punch the face of immediately upon meeting him, Rex Harrington.
Oh, fuck. Just someone give me a silver bullet, I'll kill this fucking werewolf.
No problem. Oh, that motherfucker. Oh,
God, yes. Just fucking terrible.
I could tell you stories of dudes like that that have gotten me to fucking
beat on them because that's what they wanted. Great actor to get
us to add emotion, you know what I mean? Yeah. He is so fucking good
at what he does. He truly is. He is a master of his craft.
After this clip, we see the dude at the doctor's appointment set up by Maude.
And it is obvious he is there for a sexual health examination.
As he is asked to drop his shorts. It cuts from this
to the dude smoking a j and rocking out to some credence when he notices
he is being followed by that fucking blue punch bug. Again. He is
so distracted by this guy, he fucks up throwing his joint out the window.
That sets a crotch fire on himself. Oh, I did that with a cigarette
once. That sucks. That sets a crotch fire.
That has the dude, Kareen into yet another telephone pole,
crashing his car. He then tries to slide out of his car,
and then he notices the homework of one Larry Sellers who must have been
the punk who took his car for a joyride. The film transitions from this
to the landlord of the dude performing his dance cycle we heard about earlier
at the most empty theater I've probably ever seen with
only the dude and Donnie in attendance. And then like maybe two or three
other people that were probably asked to be there and make notes.
Yeah. Walter finally walks in to relieve us of this horrible
dance with some expository dialogue and our. He lives in
north Hollywood on Radford, near the in n out burger. Oh, the in
n out burger's on. Camera near the in n out burger. Those are good burgers.
Walter shut the fuck up, Donny. The kid is a 9th grade dude
and his father is. Are you ready for this? His father is Arthur
Digbye Sellers. Who the fuck is that?
Huh? Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers?
Have you ever heard of a little. Show called branded, dude? Yeah.
Yes, I know all but one. Me and died there. Again. I know the
fucking show. Walter. So what? Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote
156 episodes, dude. Huh. Bulk of the series.
Not exactly a lightweight. No. And yet his son
is a fucking dunce.
Anyway, we'll go there after the. What have you embraced? The kid
should be a pushover. We'll be near the in and out person. Shut the fuck
up, Donny. We'll go out there, we'll brace the kid. He should be
a pushover. We'll get that fucking million dollars back,
if he hasn't spent it already. Million fucking clams.
And yes, we'll be near the in n out.
Some burgers, some beers, a few laughs.
Our fucking troubles are over, dude.
Oh, fuck me, man. That kid's already
spent all the money, man. Knew that. Hardly, dude.
I'd say he still has 900,
6970 thousand dollars left, depending on the options.
Wait in the car, Donnie. Pilar?
My name is Walter Sobchak. This is my associate Jeffrey Lebowski.
We came to to talk about little Larry. May we come in? Yeah.
Yes, thank you. That's him,
dude. And a good day to you, sir.
Sit down, please. Larry, sweetie, the man
is here. Is he. Does he still.
Right? Oh, no, no. He has health problems.
Uh huh. Uh, sir, I just want to say that we're
both, on a personal level, really enormous fans.
Brandon, especially the early episodes, was truly
a source of inspiration. Sweetie, sit down. This man
is the police. Oh no, ma'am. We didn't want to give the impression that we
were police exactly. We're hoping it won't be necessary to call the police.
But that's up to little Larry here. Isn't it, Larry?
Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework,
Larry, man? Dude, please. Is this your homework, Larry?
Just ask him about the car, man. Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework,
Larry? Is it your car out front? Is this your homework, Larry? We know it's
his fucking homework. Where's the fucking money? A little brat.
Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam? You're entering a world of pain,
son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.
And the fucking money. And the fucking money. And we know that this is your
homework. Cut your dick off, Larry. You're killing your father, Larry.
All right. This is pointless.
Okay, it's time for plan B.
You might want to watch out that front window, Larry.
Son, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.
Language problem here with this, Walter proceeds to show Larry what
happens when one does, in fact, fuck a stranger in the ass. Or in the
edited version, meet a stranger in the alps. Yeah. Yeah. He does this
by busting up the brand new fucking hot rod Corvette that's right there.
Which, by the way, is probably the ugliest of years of. Corvette was the
mid to late nineties that we see here. Yes, they were
gross, so it doesn't feel that bad to watch. It gets smashed up anyway until
the actual owner of the fucking Corvette shows up to steal the bat from
Walter before smashing up what is left of the dude's car, much to Donnie's personal
terror. While it happens, Steve Buscemi is acting in that sequence
where he's in the car and reacting to what is happening and like, Walter smashing
shit and freaking out everything. It just is. It's terrific. It's a highlight of
that fucking scene. I highly recommend paying attention to him for that.
Yeah, it's good shit. This all ends with a cutscene of the boys riding back
with some in n outlande out burger when the car is very much smashed up
and there's glass kind of flying in and they're just all just kind of eating,
staring through a broken window. The dude's very fucking pissed off about all this.
And then it cuts to a shot of the dude nailing a board to his
beautiful hardwood floor and most definitely losing whatever security deposit
he had to put down to get the place in our 10th.
I accept your apology. No, I just. I just
want to handle it by myself from now on to.
No, no, no. That has nothing to do with
it. Yes, the car made it home. You're calling me at home.
No, Walter, it did not look like Larry was about to
crack. Well, that's your perception. You know,
Walter, you're right. There is an unspoken message
here. It's fuck you. Leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah, I'll be in practice. Pin your diapers on,
Dothowski. Jackie Treehorn wants to see you. Jackie Treehorn knows
which Lebowski you are, Lebowski. Jackie Treehorn wants to see the
deadbeat Lebowski. You're not dealing morons here. Hello,
dude. Thanks for coming. I'm Jackie Trehorn.
Quite a pad you got here, man. Completely unsquiled.
What's your drink, Dude? White Russian. Thanks. White Russian.
How's the smut business, janky? I wouldn't know, dude.
Ideal in publishing, entertainment,
political advocacy. Which one's log jamming?
Yes, regrettably, it's true. Standards have fallen in adult entertainment.
It's video, dude. Now that we're competing with those amateurs, we can't afford to invest.
Little extras, like story, production value,
feelings. Help people forget that the brain is the
biggest erogenous zone. Well, you may be. Of course,
you have to take the good with the bad. New Testament technology permits us to
do very exciting things in interactive erotic software.
Wave of the future, dude. 100% electronic.
Well, I still jerk off manually. Of course
you do. I can see you're anxious for me to get to the point.
Well, here it is, dude. Where's Bunny? Well, I thought you might know that,
man. Why would I? She only ran off to get away from that rather
sizable debt to me. Well, she didn't run off. She'd been,
um. I've heard that kidnapping. So save it. I know you're mixed up in this,
dude, and I don't care what you're trying to get from the husband.
That's your business. All I'm saying is. I want mine.
Yeah, all right, man. I mean, you know, there are a lot of facets to
this, a lot of interested parties. Excuse me. Yeah,
yeah. What is that?
Excuse me. Forgive me.
No problem. Blemo, man. So if
I can't find your money,
what's in it for the dude? Of course, there's that to discuss at a refill.
Here's a poke. Shit in the woods. 10% finance. Is that
all right? Okay. Done, Jackie.
I dig the way you do business, man. Your money is being held by a
kid named Larry Sellers. He lives in North Hollywood,
on Radford. Buy the in n out burger.
Fucking brat. But I'm sure your goons can get it off if I mean,
he's 15.
Punk and social studies.
So if you could just write me a check for
my 10% of half a million.
Five grand. I'll go out and mingle.
Makes a hell of a caucasian Yankee.
15 year old kid. Kid. This some
sort of a joke? Joke? Joke? No, no joke.
Funny stuff, Jackie. The kid's got it right,
fellas. The kid just wanted a cardinal.
All the dude ever wanted was his rug back greeting.
Really hide
the room together. I love how they drive the point home
there right before the dude passes out, that he absolutely just really
wanted his rug. And that's. He didn't want any of this. There's none of his
fault. And he just keeps getting deeper and deeper in trouble. That rug really tied
the room together. What do you want? During the clip, the dude puts a chair
between the board he nailed to the floor and the door underneath the doorknob.
Effort to fortify it. When the door is opened by the
thugs, it shows that this was a waste of time because the door swings out
and it was completely stupid. And that is a great fucking bit.
That is. It's fucking awesome. Also, the introduction of Jackie
Treehorn walking away from a hedonistic sex party makes me think
that the amount of penicillin that lifestyle would require would. Let's.
Who's kidding? It would still be worth it. Oh, yeah. I mean. But did that.
It's going to be. I mean, holy shit. You're going to have to mainline penicillin.
The dude clocks the notes Chucky treehorn is making during that call that
was happening during the clip, but he was just drawing a dick. But the dude
still takes the rubbing that shows the dick for whatever reason.
I don't know. I don't know what that it's about. And then at the end
of the clip, the dude passes out, which starts another hallucinatory sequence,
which is set to just dropped in to see what condition my condition
is in. And it's mostly the dude subconscious processing everything
he has been going through with him. Dressed as Carl Jungus, doing a dance routine
to seduce Maude, who is dressed as a valkyrie, I think.
With. He's seducing her. Yes, she is. Yeah. With he's seducing
her woman. He's seducing her with the use of bowling
and teaching her how to bowl before he is then chased by the
german guys dressed as the noid. If anybody remembers Domino's
from the nineties classic, who all
have scissors and are going to cut off his johnson and make good on their
threat, this ends with the dude hallucinating things like cardinal
headlights and then hearing things like police sirens before
we exit. His hallucination in the back of a police car.
And our 11th charge was true.
And they say he ran away.
Is this your only id? Know my rights, man.
You don't owe shit, Labasca. I want a fucking law lawyer,
man. I want Bill counselor man,
or Ron Koobi.
Mister Treehorn tells us that he had to eject you from
his garden party, that you were drunk and abusive.
Mister Treehorn treats objects like
women, man. Mister Trehorn draws a lot of water in this
town. You don't draw shit, Labelski. Now we got a nice,
quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet.
I. Let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around bothering
our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk off name. I don't like your
jerk off face. I don't like you jerk off behavior, and I don't like you,
jerk off. Do I make myself
clear? I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.
Ow. Fucking fascist.
Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski. Stay out
of Malibu, deadbeat. Keep your ugly fucking gold
bricking ass out of my beach community.
Funny thing about this movie is there are terms that multiple
characters use that I've never heard people use in normal life. Like referring to
someone as a gold digger, as a gold bricker. Yeah, but multiple characters
do it. I think they were creating specific slang terms to
sort of set this movie off into its own universe, especially in the nineties.
I didn't really hear that term being used, but both
Walter and that cop use it. But they're both like kind of
fascist douchebags, so it's okay. Like in sons
of bitches. All right, that clip is
the end of our two thirds mark of the film, by the way, so we
are two thirds of the way there. We're almost done. We're all right.
18 plus minutes in. Good stuff, too.
It's a classic, obviously. Yeah, it is by far my favorite
Coen brothers film. I'm gonna say that. Yeah. Right off the bat. Yeah, definitely.
All right, well, if you got nothing else to add, we can just go.
I mean, I'm trying to think of anything else to say, but, I mean,
yeah, we kind of. We've been talking a lot about this movie anyway, so.
All right, so the run to the end picks up with the dude in a
cab ride where the Eagles are playing, and the dude complains about the eagles and
asks the cab driver to shut it off. When he does so, the cab driver
drags him out of the cab, making good on his threat to do so,
and leave him by the side of the road, once again making good on his
threat to do so. And yeah, he does it just in time,
as we see Bunny Lebowski go speeding
by him in her car where she has all
ten toast. She's not missing one at all. The dude arrives home to find the
whole place trashed as people are looking for the money
still in his house. It was obvious Jackie Treehorn drugged him and dragged
him out of his house so they could search his house proper for the money.
That's what happened. He trips, walking into his place on the board he
nailed there for defense because he never pulled it back up, even though it was
useless, because he is that lazy of a man.
And when he rolls over to look up, Maude is standing there and
drops her robe at the start of our 12th clip. Jeffrey on
love me.
That's my robe. Tell me about yourself,
Jeffrey. Well, not much to tell.
I, um. I was one of the
authors of the Port Huron statement.
The original Port Huron statement. Uh huh. Not the
compromise. Second draft.
And then I. You ever hear of the Seattle
seven? That was me. And there
were six other guys. And then
music business, briefly. Oh, yeah. Well,
Rhodey from Italica. Who? Speed of sound tour.
Bunch of assholes.
And then, you know, a little of this, a little of that.
My career's slowed down a little lately.
What do you do for the recreation?
The usual. Bowl, drive around.
The occasional acid flashback.
Ow. What happened to your
house? Oh, Jackie Treehorn trashed the place.
You thought I had your father's money? He got
me out of the way while he looked for it. Cocktail? No,
thanks. It's not my father's money. It's the foundation's.
Why did he think you have it? Who does?
Oh, Larry Sellers, this high school kid. Real fucking
brat. You know, this is a very complicated
case, mom. Lot of ins, lot of outs.
You know, fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict,
drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, Lindbergh.
And I'm very fucking close to your father's money.
I keep telling you, it's the foundation's money. Father doesn't have any.
What are you talking about? He's fucking loaded. No,
no, the wealth was all mothers. Oh, you run
stuff? We did let him run one of the companies briefly,
but he didn't do very well at it. Oh, he's, you know. No, he helps
administer the charities now and I give him a reasonable allowance.
He has no money of his own. I know how he likes to present himself.
Father's weakness as vanity. Hence, the slut.
Uh, do you think he, uh.
Was that yoga? It increases the chances of conception.
Increases? Well, yes. What did you think this is all
about? Fun and games? I want a child.
Okay, yeah, okay, but let me. Let me explain something about
the dude. Look, Jeffrey, I don't want a partner.
In fact, I don't want the father to be someone I have to see socially
or who have any interest in raising the child himself.
Oh, so that doctor.
Exactly. Now,
what happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn do
that as well? No, it was
the chief of police of Malibu. Real reactionary. So,
your father.
Oh, yeah, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. What? Oh,
man, my thinking about this case had become very uptight.
Yeah, you're fine. I. Father?
Jeffrey, what are you talking about?
Jeffrey. Walter, if you're there, pick up the fucking phone,
man. Come on, Walter. Pick it up,
man. This is an emergency. Come on, enough, dude. Yeah, listen,
Walter, I'm at my place. I need you to come pick me up. I can't
drive, dude. It's Arab Shabbos. What? Arab Shabbos. What?
Arif Shabbos. I can't drive, man. I'm not even supposed
to pick up the. This is a fucking emergency.
I understand. That's why I picked up the phone. Walter,
you fuck, we gotta go to Pasadena, man. Come pick me up or
I'm off the fucking bowling team.
Get out of that fucking car, man.
Get out of that fucking car. Get the fuck
out of the car, man. Get out
of the car. Who the fuck are you,
man? Relax, man.
No physical harm intended. Who the fuck are you? Why are you following
me around? Come on, fuckhead. Relax, man. I'm a brother Sheamus.
Brother Seamus? Like an irish monk?
What the fuck are you talking about? My name is Defino. I'm a private
snoop, like you, man. What?
A dick, Mandev. Now let me tell you something.
I dig your work. Playing one side against the other. In bed with
everybody. Fabulous stuff, man. I'm not.
Fuck it, man. Just stay away from my fucking lady friend. Hey, hey,
I'm not messing with your special lady. She's not my special lady.
She's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive,
man. Hey, man, I'm not. Who are you working for?
Lebowski? Huh? Jackie Treehorn?
The Knutsons.
Who the fuck are the Knutsons? The Knutsons.
It's a wandering daughter job?
Bunny Lebowski, man. Her real name is
Fawn Knudsen. Her parents want her back. See?
Jesus fucking Christ. Crazy ran away
about a year ago, and the Knutsons told me I should show
her this. My father. It's the family farm. It's outside of
Moorhead, Minnesota. They think it'll make her home safe. Oh,
boy. How you gonna keep them down on the farm once they've seen Carl hungus?
She's been kidnapped? The female, man. Oh, I don't know.
Maybe not, but she's definitely not around. Hey,
maybe you and me could pool our resources. Trade information.
Professional courtesy. Compeers. You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, I get it. Fuck off to Finfino. And stay
away from my special. From my fucking lady friend,
man. Every actor that shows up in this has basically
been handpicked for their specific role and are perfect for it.
Specifically, that other private investigator that's trying to find fawn
knuds. Which is weird, because if your name is Bunny
as a porn star, why wouldn't you just keep your normal name and just go
as Fawn? Yeah, right. You would think that
would be smart. Whatever. Well, at the end of
clip, we see the Germans ordering pancakes, and the female with
them is missing a pinky toe. So we know what happened there.
They cut from this to the dude laying down the facts of the case in
our 13th clip. I mean, we totally fucked it up,
man. We fucked up this payoff. We got the kidnappers all pissed off at us,
and Lebowski, you know, he yelled at me a lot, but he didn't do anything,
huh? Well, sometimes it's a cathartic. No, no,
I'm saying that if he knows I'm a fuck up, why does he leave me
in charge of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't
fucking want her back, man. He's had enough.
He no longer digs her. It's all a show. Okay, but then
why doesn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean,
he knows we never handed off his briefcase, but he never asked for
it back. The million bucks was never in the
briefcase. The briefcase was fucking empty,
man. The asshole was hoping that they would kill her.
You threw out a ringer for a ringer. Okay,
but how does all this add up to an emergency? Huh?
I'm saying I see what you're getting at, dude. He kept
the money. My point is, here we are,
it's shabbos, the Sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only
if it's a matter of life. Or death will you come off at. Walter?
You're not even fucking jewish, man. What the fuck are you talking
about? You're fucking Polish Catholic. What the fuck are you talking about? I converted
when I married Cynthia. Come on, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know
this. Yeah, and five fucking years ago, you were divorced.
So what are you saying? When you get divorced, you turn in your library card?
You get a new license? You stop being jewish? This is the drama.
She was fucking tub. Yo, man, you know, it's all
a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man.
Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue.
You're living in the fucking past. 3000 years of beautiful tradition,
from Moses to Sandy Koufax, you're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking
past. Jesus.
What the hell happened?
Where was she? Mandev. Visiting friends of hers in Palm Springs. She just picked
up and left. Never bothered to tell us. Well, I guess the fucking nihilist
knew where she was. Jesus, dude. She never even kidnapped herself. Who is
this gentleman, dude? Who am I? I'm a fucking veteran,
that's who I am. You shouldn't go in there, dude. He's very angry.
Man. No. He's back,
no thanks to you. Where's the fucking money,
Lebowski? Bucks from fucking needy little urban achievers.
You are scum, man. Who the hell is he? Who am I?
Who am I? I'm God. It's gonna kick your phony go brick and ass.
That's why we know the briefcase was fucking empty. We know you
kept the million bucks for yourself. You have your story, I have mine. I say
I entrusted the money to you, and you stole it.
As if we would ever dream of taking your bullshit money.
You thought that bunny had been kidnapped, and you were fucked.
Glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear.
All you needed was a SAP to pin it on. You just met me.
You. You human paraquat. You figured,
oh, here's a loser, you know, uh, a deadbeat.
Somebody the square community won't give a shit about. Well, aren't you?
Well, yeah, but you. Get out, both of you.
Look at that fucking phony, dude. Pretending to be a fucking millionaire.
Out of this house now, you bums. Let me tell you something
else. I've seen a lot of spinals, dude, and this guy's a fake.
A fucking gold breaker. Stay away from me, mister.
This guy fucking walks. I've never been more certain of anything in my
life. You stay away from me. Walter.
Come on.
Put him down, man. Yeah, put him down. Dude.
Come on, man. Help me put him back in his chair. I would feel sorry
for the big Lebowski, but I doubt he even fought in the war. Everything that
this dude claims about he is pretty much lying about everything, is what I'm thinking,
because he's literally just all about his ego and his pride and
is pretending to be a millionaire. So I'm sure he's pretending all the valor he's
stealing as well, I'm sure. Yeah. I also love Walter's feigned
outrage over the idea that they would possibly ever consider stealing his money, which is
exactly what Walter was planning to do, but he's outraged that anyone would think
that he would do that. Yeah, well, it was like, how dare you accuse
me of the very thing I was trying to do. The film dissolves from this
sequence when they go to pick him up and put him back in his chair,
to Donnie, who does not get a strike for once and is really
thrown off by it and looks kind of really dour, as Walter
wax us on and on about war in our 14th clip.
I mean, I was a foot soldier, whereas this thing should,
you know, should be a piece of cake. I mean, I had an m 16
jacko out of neighborhood's fucking tank. Me and Charlie,
eyeball to eyeball. Yeah. That's fucking combat.
The man in the black pajamas, dude. Worthy fucking adversary.
Who's in pajamas? Shut the fuck up, Donny. Whereas, what we have here,
a bunch of fig eaters wearing towels on their head, trying to find reverse on
a soviet tank. This. This is not a worthy. Hey,
sir. What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit?
I don't know. I fucking care. It don't matter to Jesus.
But you not fooling me, man. You might fool a fox in
the league office, but you don't fool Jesus.
His bush league psycho stuff. Laughable,
man. I would have fucked you in the
ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next
Wednesday instead. Woo. You got a dead Wednesday,
baby. He's cracking. Concept of
Asia. I mean, many learned men have disputed this, but in the 14th
century, the rombom, he like.
Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.
We want some money, Lebowski.
Yeah. Otherwise, we kill the girl. Yeah. It seems you
have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski. You don't have the
fucking girl, dipshit. We know you never did.
These are nazis. No, Donnie. These men are nihilists. There's nothing
to be afraid of. We don't care. We still want the money.
La Fox girl. We fuck you up. Fuck you.
Fuck the three of you. No, without a hostage,
there is no ransom. That's what ransom is.
Those are the fucking rules. His girlfriend gave up
her toll. She thought that we've been getting million dollars.
It's not fair. Fair? Who's the fucking nihilist
around here? You bunch of fucking crybabies. So cool at Walter. Hey,
look, pal. There never was any money. The big Lebowski
gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man.
And I would like my undies, babe. Are these guys gonna
hurt us, Walter? No, Donnie. These men are cowards.
Okay. So we take some money you have won. You.
We call you deeper. Fuck you.
Hey, no, come on, Walter. Come on. We're ending this thing cheap, man.
No. What's mine is mine. Come on, Walter. No. Punish.
All right. All right. I got
$4. Almost five. I got $18.
What? Mine is mine. We fuck you up, man. We takes
the money. Come and get it.
We fucked you up. Show me what you got,
nihilist. I fucked you. Walter, come on. He's got a sort
of thing with. A nine toed woman. Fuck you.
Fuck you. At the end of the clip,
Walter steps up and fucks up two of the nihilists right off the bat,
then beats the third one with their boombox before seeing that
Donnie is on his back and clearly having a heart attack. The film pans
out and fades to black before cutting to our 15th.
Clip bereaved,
Francis Donnelly. Pleased to meet you. Jeff Lebowski.
Alter subject, actually, is.
Excuse me. Yes? I understand you're
taking away the remains. Yeah. We have the urn.
I assume this is credit card. Yeah.
What's this? That's for the urn. Don't need it. We're scattering the ashes.
Yes, so we were informed. However, we must, of course,
transmit the remains to you in a receptor.
It's $180. It is our most modestly
priced receptacle. Hundred,
$80. They range up to 3000.
Uh, we're, uh. Can't we just rent it from you? You know?
So this is a mortuary, not a rental house. We're scattering
the fucking ashes. But just because we're bereaved doesn't make.
Sir, knowing your voices, man, don't you have, you know,
something else we can put him in? You know, that is almost
modestly priced receptive. God damn it. Is there a
Ralph around here? Donnie was a good bowler and
a good man. He was. He was one of us. He was a man
who loved the outdoors in bowling. And as a surfer, he explored
the beaches of southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo
and up to pismo. He died. He died as so many young
men of his generation, before his time. In your wisdom, Lord,
you took him. As you took so many bright, flowering young men in Que
sand, at Londoc, at Hill 364.
These young men gave their lives. So Donnie. Donnie, who loved
bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabazzas,
in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well
have been, we commit your final mortal remains to
the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you love so well.
Good night, sweet prince.
Oh, shit, dude, I'm sorry.
Goddamn win. God damn it, Walter. You fucking asshole.
Dude, I'm sorry. Fucking travesty with you, man.
I'm sorry. It was an accident. What was that shit about Vietnam?
Does anything have to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?
Dude, I'm sorry. Fucking.
Fuck, Walter. Come on, dude.
Hey, fuck it, man. Let's go bowling.
The call to go bowling is met at their special alley as we
get more pornographic alley shots for a beautiful sequence that
ends with our final clip. Two old sodas, Gary.
Right. Good luck tomorrow. Yeah, thanks, Mandy. Hey, man.
Sorry to hear about Donnie. Oh, yeah. Well,
you know, sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes,
you know. Hey, man. How do
you do, Dude? I wonder if I'd see you again. I wouldn't miss the
semis. How's things been going? You know,
strikes and gutters, ups and downs. Sure. I got you.
Yeah. Thanks, Gary.
Well, take care, man. Gotta get back. Sure. Take it
easy, dude. Oh, yeah. I know that you will.
Yeah, well, the dude abides.
The dude abides. I don't know
about you, but I take comfort in that.
It's good knowing he's out there, the dude,
taking her easy for all us sinners.
Shush. I sure hope he makes the finals.
Well, that about does her. Wraps her all up.
Things seemed to have worked out pretty good for the dude and Walter.
And it was a pretty good story, don't you think?
Made me laugh to beat the bandaid parts.
Anyway. I didn't like seeing Donnie
go. But then I happen
to know that there's a little Lebowski on the way.
I guess that's the way the whole darned human comedy keeps
perpetuating itself down through the
generations. Westward the wagons,
across the sands of time until we.
Oh, look at me. I'm rambling again.
Well, I hope you folks enjoyed yourselves. Get you
later on down the trail. Say,
friend, get any more of that good sass? Perila and with that,
we roll credit. Cinema silence 1010
years. Ten years. Oh, man. Sam Elliott Bookending.
I always kind of thought he was either, like, the spirit of the west
or sort of like the touchstone. Yeah, maybe like,
you could look at him as a God. He's more like the zeitgeist of the
time. Like, people recognizing, like, what is the
person that is meant to be for that particular era.
And for the nineties, the slacker was prime time.
Like, being a slacker in the nineties was perfection because it was
so much easier to do it then because a minimum
wage job actually went a lot further. And then also, if you had
ways of scraping cash together and things like that, things were a
lot more lenient and relatively more affordable just about everywhere at
the time. And just being a kid and being a slacker in the
nineties, when you didn't even have to worry about paying rent and things was even
fucking better, I had personal experience. That was the bomb.
Yeah. Being an underachieving slacker in the nineties was the shit. It was the most
comfortable and wonderful your life would ever get. That's what everybody wanted.
Yeah. It was the ideal. So I always kind of looked at Sam Elliott as,
like, the spirit of the west or like, the zeitgeist of the Americas spirit,
like, realizing what it is that is the perfect man for the times and
just being fascinated by the story that proves that he is like
the everyman. It's like the Homer's odyssey for the stoner. Loser is what
big Lebowski hunt essentially is, and it's perfect.
Yeah. I mean, it's just awesome. Yeah. Sam Elliot's just fucking
almost too good. I mean, again, that voice of his.
Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. Save some sexy for the rest of us, you dirty fucker.
Yeah, right. How about, God save some pussy for the rest of us,
man? All right. With that, I think we should probably move the
fuck on to my story time for the week. What do you. Yeah. All right,
so let's do it. Up next on the pirate radio edit and playing under ethos
right now is the sons of the pioneers with tumbling tumbleweeds.
When we come back, we'll have our story time.
Weird, Ken, it did happen. Okay. Millicent's been calling. You've been
getting calls from Millicent? Yes. I have not answered any of them.
And she does know that you're taking a right. Yeah. I'm a married
man, and I don't go messing around with married women. Yeah, that's really bizarre.
That ain't my scene. But they're not. I mean, I haven't. She doesn't leave voicemails.
Okay, so just calls. How do you know it's Millicent? Is it, like,
her phone number? Her cell phone number? Why do you have the Chenille's
private lines? I don't know. Dad gave me a contact card
of anywhere I could get ahold with him at any time. I got that,
too. But it was all like. Like, you know, routed through the
same Sandy Shores number that we contact Shamir at.
No, his was all personal contact numbers. Okay,
now Dan's just getting a little. Creepy, is he not? And Millicent,
too. Yeah, Millicent start to. Okay, if Shamir doesn't know about
this, maybe before we take it too much further to bogus fakes
and fraud. Yeah, before we go any further with taking it to them, maybe we
should just have a sit down with Shamir, you know, like, you know, without the
litigation involved. Maybe just kind of arrange a meeting with
litigation. I believe so. Shamir, I mean,
let's face it. I mean, just between, like, you and me and everybody else that
listens to this podcast. Yeah, Shamir's a businessman. That's true.
He has all that new Agey stuff that he likes to sprout off to help
people, you know, quote unquote heal. But when it comes down to it, Shamir's a
businessman, and he's got business logic. And he knows either way, we're going to be
sending clientele to him. Yeah, exactly.
It took me a little bit to find the song that sounded the most
like the version that we hear in the film. I think they did something else
to it to make it sound a little bit even more old timey than the
recording that I found. But, yeah, as close as I could get it.
Spent a goodly amount of time this morning while really, really sleepy and
a little stoned over trying to find that. I gotta admit how you
should be most sound. Well, let's take
care of that so I can get in my next story time.
Story time.
Story time. All right. I just took a big hit
and then breathed out and. Holy fuck. There you go, Matt. Are you happy?
Yeah. Breathe in. Breathe out.
My lawyers are advising me to state once again that this is hemp
derived farm bill, legal, federally legal stuff that
I am getting high with. Thank you very much. Of course it is. I just
finally found something that is, you know, the right strength for me. So there we
go. My story time for the big Lebowski. I actually have
a couple of them, but the most important two
of them. I'm going to come and do both of them here, because they'll both
be pretty quick, and I think it'll equal out our normal length of time that
we do this in, because we usually go a little bit on story times.
Yeah. Up first. The very first time that I saw the big Lebowski,
my mom and dad had decided to rent it, because it was a new release,
and they were familiar with the other Coen brothers
movies. And I believe the marketing at the time on the videotape had basically said,
like, from the people that brought you yada yada. And my parents both liked
that movie, the yada yada. So they decided to watch this, whatever that Coen
brothers movie was. And I remember seeing some advertisements
for it, and being like, mom, dad, I can't wait to watch this. I'm super
excited. I love the Coen brothers too, but this movie, it looks really weird.
And I was like, I don't know if you guys are gonna like it.
And my mom and dad were like, well, why not? We like yada yada.
Why wouldn't we like this? I was like, because these filmmakers change with
every movie and get a little weirder every time. I was like, all the time.
Yeah. I was like, you like yada yada, but you didn't like Yitty Yidda,
which is the other movie that they did right after that. And I was
like, this is probably gonna be more like that. And they were like, no,
no. I think it'll be fine. Well, anyway, we start the film,
and the first hallucination sequence comes up, and my dad
kind of chuckles about it and doesn't think anything of it because he got knocked
out, right? It's just a dream. Whatever. No big deal, right? He's getting
high in the tub, and there's all this drug reference. My dad's laughing at that.
He's digging all the music that's in it, you know, and, uh,
having a good old time. And then the Jackie Treehorn stuff happens.
The drug sequence with the actual porno talk, and all the other stuff starts happening,
and it just gets further and further in and just gets weirder and weirder.
And Walter Sobczyk gets more and more annoying. And I basically
have the ability to take the emotional temperature of the room. And I can tell
both of my parents are really cooling on this really fast. Yeah. You know
what I mean? Really enjoying this. And, like, at one point in time,
I can feel my dad starting to get really irritated by
it. And then I'm sitting there loving it the entire time, like, I'm falling
in love with this movie immediately. On the first time that I watch it,
everything about it is just pure joy for me. I'm having so much fun,
right? And by the end of the movie, my dad was like, damn it,
I hate it when you're right or something like that. To me,
I think you guys probably wouldn't enjoy it. And my mom's like, he probably did
that on purpose to keep us from enjoying it. And I'm like, no, I really
liked it, and I was hoping that you guys would, too, but I just wanted
to warn you that I didn't think you would.
So I don't know if I tainted their viewing of the film or if they
actually just didn't enjoy it, but they ended up not liking it, and I
absolutely loved it from the first time that I watched it. There you go.
There you go. All right. Same. I loved it from the moment I saw it.
Now, here's my second story time. And it involves not
the first time that I went to a therapist, but the first time that
I found my forever therapist when I was getting my. Bub tag tattoo artist.
Yes.
So my very first tattoo with my current tattoo artist
slash therapist, I'm getting my bub tattoo that's on my upper right
arm, and it's like the big centerpiece of my upper right arm. Yeah.
And we're getting the tattoo done. And at the time, this particular
tattoo artist used to throw movies on in the background, like, when he was doing
boring shading and stuff like that. So he had things to quote and have fun,
and he would let you pick the movie because, you know, his idea was you
could watch the movie, or we could talk while the movie's going, or we could
both kind watch the movie. Because he was that good. He was able to kind
of, like, look up and watch certain parts while filling in areas and things like
that. It was a little terrifying at first to trust him
to do it, but once he was, like, proving that he could, I just let
him go, you know? Yeah. Anyway, we are most
of the way through the bub tattoo, and we only have, like, maybe, like,
2 hours max left. So he's like, okay, let's throw something on.
Then we can finish this up, right? And what I end up picking out
is when we go to do the color, I end up picking out the big
Lebowski because he said it would probably take him about two more hours and we'd
be done. So I was like, well, this will be finished up right around that
time, and we both like the film so perfect, you know, because he had it
and I picked it out. So I'm watching him do the color,
and I'm liking the bub tattoo when it was just the outline of the shading.
Absolutely. But then once he starts throwing the color and I'm watching it take
shape in my mind, I see immediately a
upper sleeve of Romero tattoos and know for sure that I want to do some
kind of universal monsters on my forearm, below my elbow, while sitting
there with the euphoria and the Lebowski going. So while the tumbling tumbleweeds
is kicking in and I'm actually hearing Sam Elliott describe the
dude, and I'm just at my slacker peak remembering how much I
love this movie, I decide I'm going to go full sleeve right off the bat.
Like, I'm just going to go full sleeve with my right arm. I'm not stopping
with Bub. And because of that, this movie, the Big Lebowski,
always has a special place in my heart because that's where I decided that
I was going to regularly go to therapy. You mean get a tattoo, right?
I'm going to keep getting tattooed. Yes. That's therapy. Yeah, yeah.
It has the same effect as going to cognitive behavioral therapy
in that I don't kill people, Matt. You need real therapy. No one's
arguing that. But tattoos are much better. Damn it.
With that, we're going to play the show housekeeping for the week, and then immediately
following that, we're going to have on the pirate radio edit, the song that
pretty much opens up the pornographic bowling sequence with Bob Dylan the man
and me on the pirate radio edit. Right? If you've
decided you can't get enough of the show and would like to check out more
of it, we're available at legionpodcasts.com Do just do a quick search for cinema Psyops,
or just enter this entire URL into your browser WW
dot legionpodcasts.com Cinema Dash Psyops Dash podcast
also available along with all of the fellow. It's looking like
we may actually end up having a government contract here at. The first of
the year, though. Really? Yeah. The collection loan project is looking to
be something that we may end up becoming government funded
for. Our battles kind of come to a standstill with sandy shores.
I will say that it is looking very good in our favor. Thanks to our
friends at bogus fakes. And fraud, they did, did a lot of good work.
Yeah, yeah. They're excellent, excellent attorneys at law and how I get
there is just how I get there. So if the american government wants to fund
me, I'll take it. For now. All right, so that's why things are kind of
quiet. We're waiting for that contract come through. Because that way I don't have to
spend any more of my own money. Yeah, because Lauren knows I'm not kicking in
for this. Yeah, no, you can't afford it. No,
I'm with your crushing gambling debts and everything else. I know, right? Much host.
Geez.
Hey there, folks. You got problems with vampires? Oh,
yeah. Those vampires, they always get up in the attic up
there, and you can't get them out. Attic, scroll spaces, basements.
Those blood sucking hell spawns go where that sun don't shine.
Well, we got a special uv device that really knocked your
socks off. And we'll bring the sunshine to them.
Folks, do you get werewolves in your village during the cycle of the
full moon? Oh, yeah. It's so hard to enjoy some good night fishing
out there on the lake. Out there with those werewolves. We've got
silver stakes, we've got silver bullets. We'll even find a maiden
that will fall in love with said werewolf to make sure they pierce the heart
with a silver weapon to permanently get rid of your werewolf.
None of that fake stuff. It's gonna be real deep,
caring. And, folks, do you have problems with the mister Hod
infestations? I'm telling you, that dirty assassin,
that murderous guy, he's just going around looking for loose
women just so he can do them and then strangle them. Well, we've got
the solution. We will humanely deal with your mister Hyde,
making sure that we give them the serum that will turn them back into humans.
They can be productive members of society again. Darren,
you don't have to kill him. You just kill him. The serum. We are not
contractually obligated to keep your hod from taking his serum again.
That's true. We can't be there. 20%.
So, folks, you got vampers, you got werewolves, you got hides,
you got combinations. We'll take care of it all. We've got the solutions.
We'll get rid of the varmints, whether they're vaccinated or werewolves or hides.
We got it covered, folks. Oh, yeah, we'll get all
those. That's right. Just contact exterminators extraordinaire,
and we'll take care of all of your undead,
undying and unbelievably evil assassin type,
chemically induced mad men. All right, folks, you remember exterminators extraordinaire.
That is the most coherent and on key Bob Dylan
probably ever was in his career as on that song. Right. Like, I could
understand some of what he was saying.
Absolutely. I love to beat up on Bob Dylan, but he is actually quite an
excellent musician. And his lyrics are quite powerful
and moving when you can understand them. This is true.
Someone else's lyrics, who are quite a moving and powerful when
you can understand them, is Kenny Rogers, which will be filling out our pirate
radio edit with the song just dropped in to see what condition
my condition is in. While you enjoy that, kick the fuck out of this week
and make it your bitch.
Fucking Iowa quarterback can't hit a goddamn barn with a
board. What's going on? Yeah, don't. Don't try to move, all right. Not that I
could if I wanted to. Yeah, that's what the straps are there for.
Listen, I really, really need you to hold still. Don't even try and turn your
head here. Is my head cut open right now? Yeah, that's. That's your blood.
Hmm. Seriously, man, don't move. Just stay calm. It's gonna
be fine. I'm not. I think there's some booze in my blood in there.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Dude, I've had to soak up so much, jen, it's not even
funny. We're gonna repurpose that later. Listen, all right,
I'm going to stimulate this part of your brain, and I
want you to tell me what. What you're thinking and or seeing.
Now it's my wife walking down the aisle towards me.
Yeah, that's a good memory. We can get rid of that and. Okay,
what about this one? Ah, it's the birth of my son.
Yeah, don't need that one. I'm gonna just take that out.
Okay.
Good, good. Almost enough space. What about here? Ah, it's my
first beer. Delicious. Nice. Oh, man, I can't.
I need this. Fit. Okay, it's going. Oh, right. What about here? Ah, it's the
first time I saw my dog, so. Nice. Yeah. Gonna get rid of that
one. Okay, we have. We have just enough space.
Now let's see if this will fit. Okay. No, no, no.
Quite. Okay. What about here? Yeah, you go ahead and take that. Okay. You're not
gonna tell me what it is? I'm not gonna tell you what it is.
Well, let's bring that up on the monitor over here. Oh,
God. Yeah, that's going. I told you you didn't want to know. Oh,
yeah. Oh, yeah. And for a lollipop too. I know,
right? God, you were a cheap whore. Well, all right, there's plenty of room
now. And don't. Don't. Hold still. Excellent. Excellent.
Okay, now I'm gonna try something here. I know you didn't watch the movie for
this week, so I'm gonna try something real quick. I want to see if it'll
work. Okay. Okay. And if it doesn't, we still have tomorrow
night for you to watch it. Yeah. Okay, here we go. I'm gonna upload it
into your brain now. Jesus. Oh, my God. On fire, isn't it?
Yeah. Yeah, it's all right. Dude, your brain smells so good. I know.
It's gin. It's been in there for a bit. 2 hours, man. I'm not
talking that much.
Yeah, I can't write all that dialogue down. Fuck that. No, that would be
terrible. And then it got. Do a shot.
Hang on, I gotta get the head. Okay. No, it's okay. Okay, the hard drives
out. All right, here's the connections. Hang on, Dan. Okay. All right, I'm gonna.
I'm gonna close your.
Hang on, hang on. I left my forceps in there. You should be able to
talk now. Oh. All right. All right, I'm going to seal up your skull.
All right. And there we go. Hey, cool. Wait,
wait. No. What? Twist a little bit to the left. Oh, shit, you're right.
Okay. All right. There we go. Okay. I lost feeling of my left
toes. Yeah. Weird. Okay, so basically, I tried to remove some of the memories
I know you wouldn't need. Yeah. And I was gonna try and upload the films
directly into your brain. Yeah. But unfortunately, this gin soak sponge that
you call a brain won't accept an upload, so. It won't. We're gonna
have to do this the old fashioned way. Yeah. So you're gonna have to watch
the film, and we'll get back to everybody on Monday here. You know, it's kind
of into that. Idea of being lazy about it. I know. That's why I figured
you would, you know, not mind so much. No, I wouldn't. Hey, by the way.
Yeah? Um, my wife. Yeah, I have one, right? Yes.
This is what she looks like. Oh, hey. All right. Nice. Way to go.
Me? Yeah. And then this is. This is the photo of you guys
together after she walked down the aisle. Aw. I'm married.
Oh, boy. We're in trouble.
Someone else is. Lyrics who are quite moving and powerful if, when you can
understand them, is Kenny Rogers, which will be filling out our
pirate radio edit with the song just dropped in to see
what condition my condition is in. While you enjoy that, kick the fuck
out of this week and make it your bitch. You know that song I don't
have to play all of it for. All right,
let's go ahead. And. Recording stopped and.