Does Complimenting Yourself Make You a Narcissist?

In this solo episode, Rachel reflects on a listener’s response to Executive Fashion as Armor, Ritual, and Identity with Susana Perczek — specifically the power of hearing a woman speak positively about herself without apology. Rachel explores the generational messages many of us received about “not being too big for your britches” and how those lessons often left us afraid to celebrate our own talents. She shares personal stories about holding back from stepping into leadership as a young student, and how learning to name and honor her strengths became an essential part of her healing. This episode invites listeners to consider where they fall on the spectrum between self-effacing and self-affirming, and to imagine what it would feel like to confidently raise their hand and say, “I want to be known for this.”

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What is Lonely at the Top?

The podcast for high-level leaders carrying the invisible weight of the world.
If you’re a founder, executive, or high-ranking leader, you already know this truth: the higher you rise, the fewer people you can safely talk to.

Lonely at the Top is a sanctuary in the storm—a space where the emotional cost of leadership is named, and where relief, clarity, and grounded support are always on the table.

Hosted by Soul Medic and former psychotherapist Rachel Alexandria, this podcast dives into the unspoken realities of high-level decision-making: the pressure, the isolation, the doubt, and the fatigue. Each episode offers insight, emotional tools, and conversations with seasoned leaders who’ve learned to navigate the weight of responsibility without losing themselves.

  📍 the truth is there's a big spectrum between narcissism and self-aggrandizing.

You don't have to be one or the other. It's a dial, it's a gauge,

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 Welcome to Lonely At the Top, a podcast for high level leaders carrying the invisible weight of the world on their shoulders. Because you know the higher you rise, the fewer people you can safely talk to.

Here we welcome founders, executives, and decision makers who feel the isolation and the pressure that comes with power. Lonely at the Top is your sanctuary in the storm, and I'm your host, Soul Medic, and former psychotherapist, Rachel Alexandria. Today  I wanted to have a quick conversation, about some, positive reactions to the episode entitled,

"Executive Fashion as Armor, Ritual, and Identity" with Susanna Perczek. My listener was saying that they really deeply enjoyed it and they were surprised by how much they enjoyed it, and it was unexpected. What they took away from it was

a lot about how the guest spoke so positively about herself. That she was able to compliment herself. She talked about being very creative and that creativity was her playground and very self-affirming, and my listener was like, wow, that is so antithetical to how I was raised, and I thought. That's true.

You know, that was, that's true in some of my experience too, and I think a lot of us who identify as kind of Gen X or Xennial or older, there was a way that we were raised, especially as women or female presenting folks where we were not supposed to be self complimentary. And it's remarkable to hear somebody do it when it's not self-aggrandizing.

It doesn't feel bad. And it's interesting, I have this work with a lot of my clients. Where they struggle to take compliments. They don't like focusing on themselves in that way usually because they've been trained that to do so is narcissistic and they don't wanna be like people who greedily hog all the attention for themselves and don't consider others.

But the truth is there's a big spectrum between narcissism and self-aggrandizing.

You don't have to be one or the other. It's a dial, it's a gauge, like a gas gauge. Your tank isn't either full or empty, it's a lot of times somewhere in the middle. And , when it comes to this dichotomy between being completely self-absorbed and completely self-effacing, it's really better to be somewhere in the middle.

And it's wonderful. It's contagious. It's inviting in when somebody has joy about themselves and their story. I invite you to listen to the episode with Susanna. I, she's a great example of embodying this, but in a way that invites you in rather than makes you feel jealous or isolated or, comparative.

I was raised with some of the expressions like, don't be too big for your britches. Make sure everyone else has a turn. I remember one of my formative experiences, one of my memories that I use as a healing template for myself, or we could say a trailhead for those of you who know internal family systems or IFS. When I was in grade school

I loved reading. I had the privilege in my family where reading was really emphasized and a lot of people read with me. So by the time I was in grade school, I was a very proficient reader and, just super into it. And whenever we were in class and the teacher would say, okay, we're doing reading aloud.

And when the teacher would ask, who wants to read? I always wanted to, but I felt like I wasn't supposed to ask. I always wanted to be the one reading aloud because I was good at it and I knew it and I enjoyed it, and it made me feel more connected to what was happening, to be actively participating because I'm an extrovert, and so expression is part of how I get engaged.

But I, I rarely volunteered because I felt like I wasn't supposed to, I was supposed to leave room for other people, never considering that maybe that's the teacher's decision to make and not mine, not my responsibility. Yeah, that was something that required a lot of healing, all the different times in my life

I wanted to step up, I wanted to be in charge, I wanted to be a leader. I remember, there was some kind of program in high school, something that honored people in high school who exhibited leadership, and I don't know what the competition for it was.

I don't know how people got chosen. They just got chosen by probably teachers on staff and nobody looked to me. But I, I felt very unseen because I'm like, I know I have this in me. I don't know that I was exhibiting it. I don't fault the people in my high school for not recognizing me if it wasn't outwardly obvious.

But these are some skills that I have that I always wanted to be recognized for and to be, known for. And. Part of my problem for a long time was I didn't celebrate them out loud. I didn't talk about them. And what's the expression? Quiet mouths don't get fed. So I wanna acknowledge those of you out there who have learned to speak well about yourself and your talents without

having to be self-deprecating or having to make caveats. Well, I'm good at this, but you know, not that good. For those of you who love to be able to celebrate what's great about you, that's amazing. And for those of you who have struggled with it, feel abashed or ashamed about it, but if you secretly wish that you could.

Maybe this is your sign. Maybe this is a place where we can be honest about it and say, yeah, I actually want people to know me for this. I want this to be something where I'm called upon. If there's reading to happen, I want the teacher to know I wanna do it. And the way I have to tell them is by raising my hand and saying, I want this, and then demonstrating that I'm good at it.

I'm curious, where you sit on that spectrum between making it all about you and making none of it about you. Do you feel as recognized for your talent as you'd like to be? Do you feel like you've spoken up about it enough that you are your own brand ambassador?

Again, not in a way that's intended to mask insecurity or make other people feel bad, just in a way where you celebrate what's true about you. Where do you fall on that spectrum and would you like to be different? If you'd like to send me any thoughts or reactions to this show or any of the others. Send me an email at [e-mail].

I'll see you for the next one.   📍 Thanks for listening to Lonely At the Top. If today's conversation resonated, I hope you'll give yourself permission to pause and check in with what you might be carrying silently. You don't have to hold it all alone.

I specialize in working with leaders who want to clean up their secret messes.

You can learn more at RachelAlexandria.com. If you know another leader who needs to hear this, send it their way because, yeah, it's lonely at the top, but it doesn't have to stay that way.