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Join Rem and Alvia as they navigate the joys and perils of adulthood as a married millennial DINK couple in the Philippines, while also trying to break the stigma against the DINK lifestyle or being childless by choice. We tackle challenges like facing adult responsibilities, managing finances, growing careers, breaking generational traumas, generating social impact, cultivating relationships, and determining who should be washing the dishes.
DINKWAP stands for Dual-Income No Kids with a Podcast!
Are you a DINK, SINK, or DINK-curious? Join us at DINK Lifestyle Philippines.
The DINKWAP Show. Dual income. No kids.
With a podcast.
Rem: Hello guys and welcome to another
Rem: episode of the DINKWAP Show.
Rem: I almost said "Weekend Winedown Podcast"
Rem: Welcome to the DINKWAP Show
Rem: And this is your host, Rem.
Alvia: And Alvia.
Rem: So we left a hanging question last episode
Rem: So we were discussing that we are DINKs.
Rem: Dual income. No kids. So we decided to
Rem: not have kids
Rem: and have, you know, build our lives with
Rem: a couple of incomes. Income streams.
Alvia: I got confused, who's the couple?
Alvia: Obviously, this is not scripted. Poetic.
Rem: I am the Jose Rizal of podcasts
Rem: So we decided not to have children. We
Rem: decided not to have biological children.
Rem: So that's,
Rem: we should put an emphasis on that. But
Rem: in the future, if we're settled,
Rem: and we feel like we want to have kids,
Rem: are you open or are we open to adopting
Rem: children?
Alvia: I thought we were going to...
Alvia: The topic is serious...
Alvia: but we're so out of it.
Rem: No, so that's it's lighthearted. For
Rem: example, this is good. These techniques.
Rem: For example, the listener is about to get angry.
Rem: Then, it will be cringey.
Alvia: It will be cringey. They will get
Alvia: angrier. But anyway, to answer your
Alvia: question before we go to another topic.
Alvia: I think yes. Probably. Because we've
Alvia: talked about it before. That's always an
Alvia: option.
Alvia: Because with biological clock and
Alvia: everything. And I also have PCOS. And I
Alvia: have a history of
Alvia: fertility issues with my mom. So
Alvia: probably, me too. Or whatever. With PCOS
Alvia: and everything.
Rem: Explain that. Let's explain PCOS.
Alvia: I haven't answered the question yet, you
Alvia: already have another question.
Rem: Okay, after this. There's a follow-up
Rem: question. Of course, we're like that.
Alvia: Anyway, let's go to PCOS. So, it's polycystic
Alvia: ovary syndrome. But it's kind of a misnomer
Alvia: because there's no cyst.
Rem: That's why other people are afraid.
Alvia: Although, some people have a different
Alvia: condition. But for me, it's like,
Alvia: imagine you have an ovary and it's
Alvia: like an asteroid cloud.
Rem: Asteroid cloud? Wait.
Alvia: There's like bits on the side.
Rem: I will imagine. Wait. I don't know what
Rem: an asteroid cloud is.
Alvia: You don't know how an ovary looks and an asteroid
Alvia: cloud.
Rem: No, I don't know what an asteroid cloud is
Alvia: It's like, there's clouds. I don't know.
Alvia: There's something. When you ultrasound
Alvia: your ovary, there's something that's
Alvia: wrapping it.
Alvia: So basically, it's different in severity
Alvia: and different in women. But basically,
Alvia: it wacks up your hormones.
Alvia: So for me, thankfully, it's mild. But it's
Alvia: both ovaries. So it's very common. Like
Alvia: 80 plus percent of women have it to some
Alvia: degree.
Alvia: So for others, the extreme cases, it's
Alvia: like they have their periods only twice a year.
Alvia: It's like that. For me, it's just
Alvia: irregular. I thought I was just getting
Alvia: older.
Alvia: Because it's my first time having dysmenorrhea.
Alvia: Which never happened to me before.
Rem: Men are like huh?
Alvia: Yeah. The stomach hurts. It hurts a lot.
Alvia: And then you get acne breakouts. There's
Alvia: weird stuff in your body.
Alvia: But anyway, that's the thing. I'm not a
Alvia: doctor.
Rem: But if 80 percent of women have it...
Alvia: Have it to some degree.
Rem: Like, it's actually the norm. It's not
Rem: abnormal.
Alvia: To sidebar, the reason I discovered I had PCOS
Alvia: I accompanied our "only friend" to get
Alvia: checked up.
Rem: She should've been here with us.
Alvia: Yeah, because she has PCOS.
Alvia: And I got checked up too.
Alvia: Our friendship is amazing, guys. We went
Alvia: together to the OB-GYNE.
Rem: That's how they date.
Alvia: That's how our friendship is.
Rem: OB Date.
Alvia: It's not common to get checked up
Alvia: because it's a different process. It's
Alvia: not like an APE.
Alvia: You need to get an ultrasound for your
Alvia: ovaries. It's not comfortable.
Alvia: But anyway, that's the thing.
Alvia: For me, it's not very extreme. But they
Alvia: also said that I really need to adjust
Alvia: my lifestyle, be active.
Alvia: And PCOS is prone to diabetes, so you'll get
Alvia: checked up for prediabetes.
Alvia: So I'm not prediabetic.
Alvia: But almost. I'm just there when I'm at
Alvia: the level where I'm already very near the
Alvia: threshold.
Alvia: I'm almost there.
Rem: You're almost there.
Alvia: So anyway, what was the question?
Alvia: The one about the biographical...
Rem: Biographical child.
Alvia: Biological child.
Rem: Is that okay?
Alvia: I'm stupid. So anyway, one of my
Alvia: siblings is adopted.
Rem: That's your youngest, right?
Alvia: I don't love her any different than my
Alvia: other siblings.
Alvia: So I won't say anything about the
Alvia: sibling favoritism ranking because they
Alvia: all know.
Rem: They know who's the favorite.
Alvia: They all know. So I don't love
Alvia: her any different. I don't treat her any
Alvia: different.
Alvia: So I thought, if there is a chance that
Alvia: somewhere down the road, let's have a...
Alvia: There is a child who needs a home and we're
Alvia: the ones who are fit to care for that
Alvia: child.
Alvia: Why not? Because she's already there. We just
Alvia: don't want to put a new life into this
Alvia: world as much as possible.
Alvia: But she's already here.
Alvia: But I hope she's not too baby.
Rem: We can't handle a baby.
Alvia: What if we're already 50 and we're still
Alvia: going to have a potty train?
Rem: So for me, it's the same. I don't know
Rem: why I'm a weirdo kid.
Rem: But I've thought about it. If ever,
Rem: maybe I should adopt instead.
Rem: If I have the capacity to raise a child,
Rem: and I feel like I'm ready.
Rem: Why not instead of having my own child
Rem: coming from my own blood.
Rem: I almost said something bad.
Alvia: I thought so.
Rem: I dodged a bullet there.
Alvia: Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
Rem: The demon and the angel are talking.
Rem: "Say it."
Alvia: I read it in your eyes.
Rem: "Say it."
Alvia: "Go."
Rem: "Go."
Rem: Look what's going to happen.
Rem: The angel won.
Alvia: Couldn't help but laugh.
Alvia: I knew what you were going to say.
Alvia: But anyway.
Rem: This podcast is already R18.
Rem: It's ok to slip.
Alvia: Don't do it. Let's keep it PG.
Rem: I'm lost.
Rem: Instead of coming from me,
Rem: I'm still laughing.
Alvia: I think they get it.
Rem: There's already someone here
Rem: who needs help.
Rem: There's a child here
Rem: who's been abandoned.
Rem: Either abandoned or
Rem: what do you call it?
Rem: The one whose parents left them?
Rem: Whatever
Rem: Orphaned.
Rem: What's wrong...?
Alvia: J-Riz of podcasts.
Rem: What's wrong with me?
Alvia: We just went on vacation and you lost
Alvia: your vocabulary.
Alvia: English, Tagalog.
Rem: They say "New Year...
Rem: ...New Me." This is the new me.
Rem: I have no words.
Rem: Literally.
Alvia: It all goes down from here.
Rem: But this one who needs help...
Rem: If I have the capacity to help this
Rem: child,
Rem: I have that opportunity to change the
Rem: course of their life.
Alvia: What if you don't make the child's
Alvia: life better after you adopt them?
Rem: That's my fault.
Alvia: So you didn't really help?
Rem: If I ever feel like I can do it, I will.
Rem: In the Philippines,
Rem: is there a strict assessment
Rem: for those who want to adopt children?
Alvia: We're like...
Alvia: I'm going to say it again.
Alvia: DepEd.
Alvia: I'm so stupid.
Alvia: So annoying.
Rem: It's the third episode.
Alvia: We're smart.
Alvia: Is it DPWH?
Rem: What?
Alvia: DSWD!
Alvia: So stupid!
Alvia: Are we going to adopt a highway?!
Alvia: So senseless.
Alvia: Let's stop this.
Alvia: Let's sleep.
Alvia: DSWD!
Alvia: So stupid.
Alvia: I don't want to do podcasts anymore.
Rem: Wait, guys.
Rem: My tummy is hurting from laughing.
Alvia: Going to adopt a highway!
Alvia: So senseless.
Rem: Going to build a flyover.
Alvia: You also didn't know!
Alvia: You were looking at me when I said,
Alvia: "DPWH." You were agreeing.
Rem: No.
Alvia: I'm crying.
Rem: I said, "Did I hear that right?"
Alvia: I'm crying.
Rem: This episode is so messy.
Alvia: We're running out of time.
Alvia: Anyway, DSWD!
Alvia: So, DSWD came to us.
Alvia: They interviewed all the members of the
Alvia: family.
Alvia: Get over it. We won't adopt
Alvia: a highway.
Alvia: They'll assess your financial and
Alvia: emotional capacity.
Alvia: We were all interviewed.
Alvia: They'll check your house.
Alvia: If it's livable.
Alvia: Of course everyone should
Alvia: all agree.
Alvia: That's how it was.
Rem: Has to be unanimous?
Alvia: I was in college.
Alvia: I have younger siblings.
Alvia: They're in high school.
Alvia: They were also interviewed.
Alvia: Get over it!
Alvia: Move on. We're running out of
Alvia: time.
Alvia: That's the process I know.
Alvia: I don't know if it changed
Alvia: or if the circumstances in my family
Alvia: were different.
Alvia: That's what I know.
Alvia: I know in our case...
Alvia: I won't dive into it.
Alvia: Usually, they match you up with an orphan.
Alvia: They choose.
Rem: You can't choose.
Rem: It's not like in the movies.
Alvia: We fostered first.
Alvia: We fostered before we adopted.
Rem: What's the difference between fostering
Rem: and adoption?
Alvia: In my understanding...
Alvia: Fostering is temporary.
Alvia: It's for a limited time.
Rem: What's the purpose of that?
Alvia: I don't know for sure.
Alvia: I'm not a psychologist or a community
Alvia: worker.
Alvia: I don't know about kids, but I know
Alvia: in the case of dogs,
Alvia: they do it that way too.
Alvia: For example, the dog was just taken off the street.
Alvia: Some has to take care of it temporarily
Alvia: until it gets better.
Alvia: Or until it adjusts to a home
Alvia: environment.
Alvia: It's like that.
Rem: Don't you think it's confusing for kids?
Alvia: I'm not sure.
Rem: Well we're not experts.
Rem: I hope we can talk to them.
Alvia: I even said mistakenly it's DPWH is the one
Alvia: who talked to us.
Rem: Don't listen to us.
Rem: We're so wrong.
Alvia: We're so worthless.
Alvia: I know it's not the norm for people.
Alvia: Of course, there's stigma around it, but
Alvia: that's their belief.
Rem: Let's dive into the stigma.
Rem: My mother always urged me to have kids.
Rem: Even before I got married.
Rem: I was really set on being single for the
Rem: rest of my life.
Rem: But that's what happened.
Rem: I am so handsome.
Rem: I'm sorry.
Rem: I feel bad for the people who are
Rem: listening to this.
Rem: No, actully, they're lucky they don't see
Rem: what's happening.
Rem: But she urged me.
Rem: I told her, "why would I want to have my own kids,
Rem: I can always adopt."
Rem: She told me, "It's still different if the child is yours."
Rem: There's another one.
Alvia: She's not from your blood.
Rem: "It's different if.."
Rem: No, not like that.
Rem: It's a bit harsh...
Rem: "You don't know where the child came from."
Rem: And all the connotations around it.
Rem: "The child might grow up as a bad person."
Rem: "It might harm you."
Rem: I mean, that's a child.
Alvia: No matter where it came from, that's
Alvia: still a child.
Rem: That's a child!
Rem: Why are you judging the child that way?
Alvia: It's because of the TV dramas.
Alvia: And the movies.
Alvia: They watched those.
Rem: We should do an episode about it.
Rem: Although we've talked about it before.
Rem: About nature and nurture.
Rem: For me, what's the difference?
Rem: First, is your spouse a blood relative?
Rem: You loved him, but he's not your blood.
Rem: What's the difference with a child?
Rem: Right?
Rem: What's the difference with a child?
Rem: And it was a beautiful thing for me.
Rem: Because your family, you had an adopted
Rem: sister.
Rem: So now, when people tell me that,
Rem: "it's still different".
Rem: Why?
Rem: Is Alvia's adopted sister different?
Rem: Right?
Rem: That shuts them up.
Alvia: Because it's more concrete.
Rem: This is the real deal.
Rem: Because there's actually a family member
Rem: here
Rem: that we all love.
Alvia: And she looks like us.
Alvia: It's not obvious.
Rem: So when I first came to your house,
Rem: I didn't notice that she was adopted.
Alvia: Just the age gap.
Rem: And it's okay that the child knows.
Alvia: Yes, she knows.
Alvia: And we don't treat her differently.
Rem: There's nothing.
Alvia: There's nothing.
Alvia: In fairness, even in our extended family,
Alvia: when we decided to adopt,
Alvia: she was already 4 years old.
Alvia: She was already old enough.
Alvia: And they really welcomed her.
Alvia: She has gifts for Christmas.
Alvia: So she's not treated any different
Alvia: than any other family member.
Alvia: She's also not treated more special.
Alvia: Because sometimes,
Alvia: it's also damaging.
Alvia: We treat her just enough.
Alvia: Like a normal sister.
Rem: Like a real sister.
Rem: Bullied like the others...
Alvia: Ordered to fetch water.
Rem: Right?
Rem: However you treat your child...
Alvia: It's hard.
Alvia: Because if you don't know,
Alvia: for people who don't know,
Alvia: haven't experienced it,
Alvia: what's their basis?
Rem: That's why.
Alvia: Let's say.
Rem: Like they say,
Rem: we saw on TikTok before.
Rem: It's like,
Rem: she was being teased.
Alvia: That she's adopted.
Rem: "Your just adopted!"
Rem: But she had a good comeback.
Rem: She said,
Rem: "I, you,
Rem: oh, it's me."
Rem: Let's start over.
Alvia: So we can make a soundbite.
Rem: Yes.
Alvia: Okay, let's do it again.
Alvia: Okay, back to start.
Rem: "I, was chosen by my mom.
Rem: You,
Rem: she had no choice."
Alvia: "You could be an accident."
Rem: Something like that.
Rem: So, right?
Rem: So, I feel,
Rem: I believe that
Rem: the love that you choose,
Rem: in spite of you not being blood related,
Rem: for me, that's the purest form of love.
Rem: You don't have any obligation
Rem: to love that person.
Rem: But you choose to.
Alvia: Isn't that the video before,
Alvia: Jimmy Alapag and his wife?
Rem: Yes.
Alvia: Their story is beautiful.
Alvia: But they also felt,
Alvia: their eldest is adopted,
Alvia: they felt,
Alvia: when they saw the child in the orphanage,
Alvia: they felt he was their son.
Alvia: Something like that.
Rem: So,
Alvia: maybe there's something like that.
Rem: Yeah.
Rem: So guys,
Rem: I hope,
Rem: to the viewers,
Rem: you get a different view on adoption.
Rem: And if ever,
Rem: you have the capacity to,
Rem: actually,
Rem: adopt another person,
Rem: another, a child.
Alvia: Another person.
Rem: Another person.
Alvia: 20 years old.
Rem: I'm so confused.
Rem: I have so many things to say.
Alvia: It's annoying.
Alvia: You know,
Alvia: if you have the chance to
Alvia: open up your home,
Alvia: open up your heart,
Alvia: to a child,
Alvia: who needs a family,
Alvia: who needs parents,
Alvia: maybe it's something you can think about.
Rem: Especially to the,
Rem: let's continue this in the next episode.
Rem: Because we're running out of time.
Rem: Anyway,
Rem: thank you again for tuning in
Rem: to the DINKWAP show.
Rem: And we'll see you on the next episode.
Alvia: Bye.
You were listening to the Dinkwap show.
[outro music]