The Power of Connection: Self-Awareness in Coaching Ft Trevor Stevenson

In this conversation, Trevor Stevenson shares his journey from corporate life to becoming a coach focused on adventure and self-awareness. He discusses the importance of understanding triggers, the role of self-awareness in personal development, and how to navigate stress through healthy coping mechanisms.

coaching, self-awareness, triggers, stress relief, personal development, adventure coaching, neuroscience, leadership, emotional intelligence, men's coaching, stress management, emotional awareness, entrepreneurship, personal growth, relationships, communication, men's health, coaching, life balance, self-improvement

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Let's begin.

So Trevor, welcome to the show.

Thank you so much for taking the time.

Can you give us a top level view about what it is that you do right now and your journey
getting up to this point as well?

Beautiful.

Okay.

Thank you, Akhil.

Real happy to be here.

And it's neat you asked that question at this time and that it worked out that our
recordings to be at this time.

I am down in Nicaragua, Central America, where normally Homebase is in Canada.

And that's where all the Conscious Lead Business Fund happens.

But I have just hosted my first

coaching experience for men down in Central America here.

So I started what is called the adventure coaching experience and it's a dream come true,
decades of desire to be at this point.

I over, so a little bit about that history of what got me here was my education was really
around the world, traveling, finding myself, meeting people, understanding what made them

tick, why they're doing things that maybe they don't love, what

led them to that and then others who are doing exactly what they love and what led them to
that.

And that led into my coaching business that started 21 years ago.

And all that time, I knew my adventure travel and my guiding experiences from around the
world was an important and integral part of it.

But I, you know, I had the business suit on and I was walking into these offices and
boardrooms and working with executives and business owners and teams.

But, but I'm more and more stepping into my own style of it as my confidence grew as an
individual in this coaching realm.

so as I started coaching more and more and started working with more men and I got more
feedback about, geez, Trevor, you know, this, your coaching needs to happen on a mountain

bike or out in your garden or while you're traveling or whatever.

And so I finally developed the confidence and the whole process around.

the adventure coaching experience.

And it was this 10 day all inclusive around three different locations with all little out
shoots around the cities you were staying in or the little towns.

And every day would be adventure, know, climbing volcanoes, riding mountain bikes or women
or playing in the ocean.

And then every afternoon we'd have coaching circles and just the guys.

just loved it.

I got them into yoga every day and meditation and they built such a brotherhood and like
we are still, they're still just, you know, foot down on the gas, just trying to make it

all work even now that they're back home and feeling the old way creep back in.

So that's where I'm at now, a little bit about how we got here in Short Dancer.

Yeah, amazing.

sounds like such a cool journey and especially the work you do now, I think that's so
needed.

Having that brotherhood is so important and there's so much we can unpack there.

But I do want to kind of go back 21 years about that transition you made going from, you
know, maybe working into corporate and then starting your own business.

So what was that transition like for you?

Maybe what was the mindset shift you had to go through in order to make that leap to
starting your own business?

What was that like for you?

You know, it's interesting.

It wasn't a big leap.

I've always wanted to own my own business, which is interesting.

And I think it's more because I don't like following people's rules very much.

I like to there's such a freedom that lives within me and it, you know, that speaks to my
travel and the way that I flow.

And so I've wanted that and I was just kind of doing a nothing job.

And this opportunity came as well actually offered to my wife.

And she was more, her education was in more the health side of things and she thought, you
know, owning a business was like wear a suit and sell your soul kind of thing.

And so she paid it no mind.

And then I ended up speaking with the lady that had offered her a license that she had
owned of this international leadership development firm.

And I was like, what, what's that?

You just help people set their goals and then you help them achieve them and everybody has
a wonderful life.

What?

What is this thing called coaching?

You know?

Yeah.

And so we jumped right in and it was really fantastic.

We were the, were accepted.

had to go through, you know, all the qualifying assessments and such for, to be a
licensee.

It's one of the oldest and most founded leadership development firms in the world.

You know, and we were the youngest licensees in the world at that time.

And

And so we stayed with them, which was a great start, Akil, because everything was like
from a business perspective, it was kind of that business in a box mentality.

They supported us with all the business and facilitation and coaching, sales expertise and
all of those things.

And then all the materials were kind of done for you.

And so we really grew with them.

But only for about, you know, after a little while, we started to really dig deeper into
what is it about human behavior that

has us really show up when others are kind of there holding our feet to the fire.

And then the minute that's gone, we revert to our old ways and we started learning more
about the brain.

And that's when all the neuroscience around leadership was coming about David Rock's work
and all the research he was doing.

And so we designed Canada's first brain based leadership development programs, neuro
leadership.

And that took off, which was great.

So at that time, after six years, we left that

international firm, sold our license.

And we started this neuro leadership work.

And it was also great.

And people were excited by the neuroscience and everything.

And then that was everywhere.

And people kind of knew it.

And we then understood why we are triggered in the state, you know, the amygdala hijack
fight flight freeze, and how the prefrontal cortex isn't getting the glucose it needs kind

of thing in those moments.

so but there was still a thing about

our human behavior that is begging the question of like, but why am I being triggered?

You know, this isn't a life or death.

And so when my phone dings or when my boss asked me to come down and see her, what causes
that reaction?

And then how do I show up?

And so we just kept digging deeper.

And honestly, Akhil, it was very much my wife's experience in mind through our life of the
business and working together as partners in that whole time.

and then having kids at that time that caused a real shift and a real need for us to
change the way that we were showing up.

And I'll give her a lot of credit for that, of kind of going first and dragging me along
with her.

But it's been a beautiful journey then this kind of last 15 years of coaching at this
depth of conscious leadership and really a moment to moment awareness of how we're being

reactive in

any kind of situation, whether at home or in the office and what that's attached to in our
history and not from a deep psychology perspective, but just from an awareness perspective

so that we can understand that, okay, that's great because it got me here.

It protected me.

It strengthened me, but it's not going to get me to where I need to go.

And so we like to just unravel some of that with people and find what else is there.

Yeah, definitely.

it's such an interesting thing about the triggers, because I've noticed this a lot in my
own life, right?

Is when certain things might happen and you feel that bit of anxiety or your body reacts
in a certain way and all these different things.

So what have you learned through, you know, the coaching that you've done around triggers
and maybe how to overcome them or if you can't overcome them fully, like how do you

transition how your reaction is to them?

Because I think that's such a...

a challenging thing for everyone, right?

Especially, you know, taking it down to say just habitual stuff, right?

If you're smoking, right?

And you're trying to quit, how do you overcome those triggers that you might have?

Because you might have been smoking for years.

So there's a lot to try and unpack and overcome.

So how do you navigate that with your clients and the people that you coach there?

Yeah, that's awesome.

And you know, if it were the platform, and I'm not sure it's not or that it is, but we
would dive right into a coaching column.

And then you and everyone would get to experience it.

But it in short, and we

as much as we can.

That's all good.

Yeah, well, let's do that.

I'll explain the overview first and then we'll see if there's something top of mind for
you, Akil, that'd be fun.

So really, self-awareness is the first step of knowing and that usually can come through
the support of a coach because we're not always there.

It's the fish swimming in the water.

You don't know that it's there kind of thing, right?

We're reactive in these ways that are just our way.

And then at some point, we start to notice the tension.

wife is kind enough to mirror that back to us or we're noticing turnover and we can't keep
blaming it on external things.

And at some point, we start to do a little bit of navel gazing and say, hey, what about me
is causing the ripple of what's going on around me?

Whether again, whether it's my connection with my children or that spat that I'm still in

with my sibling or the tension I can feel when I come together with my business partner
and we talk about whatever finances or something.

It's like that awareness, Akhil, of like there's something in me that is like there's a
tightness that I'm not quite sure how to get rid of and even though I notice it now, then

I don't know what to do with it.

And so,

To answer your question, the first step is really to notice it and then not push it away
and something, you know, I'll speak to the men part here because I've been, you know,

running fundamental for a year and in my own men group work for over 12 years and one of
the patterns of that is, there's an emotion, push it away.

You know, unless it's joy or anger, you know, we know how to express those really well.

But if it's fear,

or doubt or even love, then we're not always so great and we'll push them away when really
that's where all the wisdom is.

Our emotions are just data and if we ignore those data points then we're not really
understanding what's going on for us and if we can dive into those emotions and start to

unpack that and name the thing, then we can understand what the values or the needs are
beneath those things that are really driving the reactivity.

It's only because I have that need for support or this need for connection that I'm
reacting in this way.

And our tendency then, again, especially as men, will reach for the tool, right?

okay, I have to work harder.

I have to put a process in place.

I have to make them work harder.

I got to put policies, know, roles and responsibilities, whatever it is, or, you know,
disconnected from my wife.

Okay, we're doing a date night.

That's this night.

it's like, and it's not that those things aren't needed or aren't valuable.

But there's a connection piece and where that starts, the connection is always with self.

Because if I'm in a triggered state, then I'm out of disconnection with myself.

Okay, yeah, but we're back.

Sorry, it just disconnected for a second, but we can just get this back.

all good.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, so to be in that connected state with self is important before we can start building
connection with others.

And I just had a conversation with a restaurateur here in Nicaragua, who I'll be working
with and he's wanting this team development thing and we have just seen it for years,

right?

A business owner is

kind of scrambling because the business results aren't there and all he's seeing is these
issues and challenges between them and service and all of these things.

And so, hey, can you come in and work with the team?

And I stopped doing that after about year one in our business because what we always saw
is we can go in and we can give them all the tools and the processes, but if the

environment hasn't changed and if that senior leader hasn't changed in the way that
they're showing up, then they're not going to be inspired to continue the change, nor

will...

the impact that they're currently having shift in any way.

Yeah, so I'll be working with him one on one.

no, no, definitely.

And what you said there is, is so true, right?

Is where something happens and you go straight into, I guess, solution finding mode
straight away.

just like a natural response.

And I know this with my fiance now is, you know, if there's been times where maybe
something's happened, she's a little bit upset straight away.

I'm like, okay, this is the solution.

Let's do this.

And it's like, no, I don't want that right now.

And so like we've, we've adopted into like our relationship where

If someone's upset, like, you want solution or support?

And so we know kind of we can communicate that because for me, I'm just straight into the
solution mode all the time.

And I think that comes from obviously the work that I just do naturally within the
business is just find solutions for things.

But it's being able to take that time, maybe taking a step back, analyze it, figure out
what actually is needed here and then kind of moving forward as well.

it's like kind of circling back to these triggers as well.

Something that's really top of mind for me this year.

is actually smoking.

So I started smoking when I was like 18 years old, on and off for very long time.

And the only times I was on were in periods of stress, essentially of like, like, think a
lot of things going on at once, and then it would just pick back up and then it'll stop.

And so that's what I was going for for a long time.

And then towards the end of last year, I kind of sat down, I was like, okay, this needs to
stop, right?

Because it started to pick up a lot more overall as the business started to really take
off.

Last year was like the best year we've had in like four years.

And so then I was like, okay, well, I need to, I need to, I need to figure this one out
for 2025.

I can't be, can't be bringing this in.

Um, and it's quite interesting because where our office is, there's like a corner shop.

So you've got to drive past the corner shop to, um, drive home.

And I always noticed that especially this year is whenever I'm working late.

So it's like 7 PM, right?

A long work day, super tired.

I'm driving past it.

I'll, I'll just naturally turn in to that corner shop to buy whatever it's going to be.

And like I found myself, I did that in the first like couple weeks of January.

was like, hang on, what's going on here?

Like, how did I get here?

like it was just an unconscious.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was just, it's just an unconscious action that was kind of happening.

but then as I become more consciously aware of it is I can kind of feel like, I'm feeling
whatever this feeling is, but I'm just going to drive straight on.

like trying to just avoid whatever, you know, that trigger let's say.

But then I've also found as well, was like, well, maybe let me substitute it.

like things like nicotine gum, for example.

Well, let me try that.

Let's see if that, you know, that can reduce it.

And yeah, it did reduce it.

But again, what I found myself doing is, you know, whenever I've had a stressful day or
whatever it is, I'll have more than one, right?

I'll have two, maybe three in the evening.

And so again, it's a supplementing the same type of action.

So that's what I'm trying to figure out this year is, you how can I figure out this
landscape of it?

Because obviously it trickles down into other things in the business as well.

you know, this type of style, because I feel like it's those micro actions you might take
which can ruin the momentum a little bit.

So for example, if I'm doing really well in my fitness for a week and then at the end of
the week, I, you know, have a cigarette or something, for example, then the next day I'm

kind of kicking myself and then that gets me into a negative frame of mind and maybe I
won't go to the gym or I won't work out as hard.

And that's how then you go down that negative trend, right?

And so these are the things that are like top of mind for me over the last few months,
especially.

trying to overcome some of these triggers and these habits that I've just been building up
for a few years now.

Oh, beautiful.

Thank you for sharing.

I love that.

Are you open to unpacking that a little bit?

Yeah, yeah, happy to.

Happy to.

cool.

So, the smoking is a strategy, right?

You talk about it, the things get stressful in the business, it's like fill the V, right?

And so, the smoking is a strategy that for you is linked to stress relief, right?

Just like sex for us guys is like, I feel so connected because we've just had sex, you
know?

But it's not the only way.

That's one strategy that we're used to.

And so, if you were to find any moment, so you can do it from either end of like, hey,
I've just reached for this cigarette, that must mean I'm stressed.

What else exists?

Or you can look at the other side and say, I'm feeling stress.

What do I need right now?

And let's start there.

We could start with like any one example of what...

precipitated distress, like what was going on?

Like did you look at the workload, the calendar the next day, the revenue line?

Like what's a trigger of stress for you?

Yeah, I think what it is is the to-do list is like never ending, right?

And so I get to the end of the day, I'm exhausted, had a long work day.

And before I leave, I check my to-do list.

I'm like, we've made a dent in this.

And so it's like, you know, there's always just something else that keeps kind of
compounding and adding onto it.

And then I think the other thing as well is it's kind of like a sense of relief a little
bit.

It's like, you know, I'm super tired.

just know, some people might come home and watch

TV right for like an hour because he needs to turn off.

think it's the same type of mentality, but with with this is the medium for it where it's
just a bit of relief for it.

or mentally I think it's going to give me relief.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

cause obviously it's, I was thinking about this, as well as like, whenever you kind of
smoke, you, you, you actually take time to pause.

You slow your breathing down.

You kind of physiologically, you change your, your state a little bit.

And I'm not saying

it's meditation, of course, but in a way it's a little bit meditative because you have
slowed yourself down from a long work day.

And so I think it's that relief, which is kind of what I'm probably pushing for in that
realm of things.

Exactly and the first thing is the stress relief that you're looking for and the smoking
is just a strategy and I think by and large now you have to be outside to do it which is

also such a therapeutic place to be in general, right?

So let's go back and slow the video down a bit and you go, you're at end of the day, you
just work your 14-hour day, you pick up your binder and you're like check, check, no, no,

no.

Check, nope, check, check, nope, nope.

Oh, whoa.

So even if you wanna close your eyes for a second, and maybe that was yesterday, maybe
that was the day before, maybe it was Friday, you know, where do you feel that in your

body?

Most of time it's just like in my chest.

So I'm not sure if kind of you've had it before, other people can relate to it, but it's
kind of where you need to take a deep breath in, right?

Where it's like, you just need to go, it's that type of like tightness.

going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you know what's funny again about what you just said, it's like feeling you need to
take a deep breath.

Well, yeah, we always supposed to be taking deep breaths, you know, but we don't, we
breathe about this deep.

That was another big thing that I brought to the guys on the adventure coaching experience
was like deep, deep breathing and just the relief that that can bring itself.

so...

So let's go back there now and you had named that stress earlier.

So the observation is I look at my to-do list and it's, you know, I've only put a dent in
it today, although I've just worked X number of hours.

And in that moment, you know, what's interesting is you were talking, there's a funny
video, I don't know, when you were talking earlier, I was thinking about it.

It's not about the nail, have you seen that?

Where the guy goes, his wife is just stressing about this thing and so he jumps in to try
and fix it.

and she starts fighting him back about, it's so good.

But that's an important aspect for us as well to recognize it's not the thing, it's not
the list itself, it's our reflection of it.

So what was the thought bubble that came up for Akil when he looked at the list of checked
and unchecked items?

think it's case of this exhaustion that I'm feeling right now, where I'm super tired, like
worked all day, whatever that's gonna be.

It's gonna be the same tomorrow.

It's gonna be the same the next day.

It's like, where is the end for this, right?

It's like extrapolating it into the future and the future is just unknown for it, It's how
long do I need to this for?

I think that's probably the process that's going down.

Right, so it's not the list, right?

In the check, the unchecked.

If I came in and I looked at your list, I was like, holy shit, Kiel, you got so much done
today, that's awesome, man.

Congratulations.

Well, you look at it and it's like, my god, there's so much left undone.

How many more days of this?

How long do I have to do this?

And so, we use our mind to create a stressed state that we don't want to be in, obviously,
right?

And so, that's where our mind can start playing against us and even

you were talking earlier had me thinking of Stephen Cartman's drama channel, the hero
villain victim.

And so we go into in that moment, you might have been in victim mode.

Why do I have to keep working so hard?

And then in another second, it might have been like, villain mode of like, Akil, come on,
man, you're young, you can do this.

You know, pick it up, get it done.

And so

Our thinking about the thing is what creates the emotion for us most times.

And that is where we have all the control.

You don't necessarily have all the control of getting all the things done and getting all
the people to act in our lives the way we'd love them to act.

We can influence those things.

But we do have control over our thoughts and our thoughts create our emotions.

And our emotions influence our choices in the way that we act and the way that we act
creates our results.

Yeah.

let's go back to you in that moment and you're sitting there and you feel that energy in
your chest and you take a deep breath, which is probably signaling like, okay, holy cow, I

know I'm stressed and yet I need to push back and walk away.

And maybe that walk away then is like right past the corner store because now you
recognize you're stressed, right?

And so you jump to a habit, an ingrained pattern of yours, which is

deeply wired in your synapse like this firing together, it's like stress, smoke, quick,
right?

And as you said, there's a meditative effect to that but we know it's not good in the long
run.

Yeah.

And so, the cool opportunity, like I said, that's one strategy and what you realized is I
look at my list, a whole bunch of thoughts go off, I feel stress and I have a need for

relief.

what you just said.

So now that I know I have a need for relief, so now if Akhil walks into the buffet there
in London and one of the big bunker tables says, relief, what are all the things on your

buffet list of choices that will offer you relief in any moment?

What are the things that you can do for yourself?

So, I mean, one of the biggest things that does give me relief, I would say, is something
around fitness itself.

Again, it's not like an instant thing, right?

Because it's the showing up, right?

Which is then a mental battle sometimes you have to go through.

But I do know like once I'm there, then I'm loving it, right?

I'm enjoying it.

But then obviously that you have that barrier of, well, if you're already tired from that
day and you don't wanna,

go out and do whatever, and then you've got to go to the gym.

It's just so many friction points to even show up there.

But I if I can even just get there, then it will be fine, if that makes sense.

That's probably the biggest one that would change the physiological state I'm currently in
to kind of relieve that tension.

I love that and there's a dozen more at your disposal.

What are another two?

In a moment and you mentioned one earlier, I'm not going to say it again, see if it comes
up for you again, but in a moment because now maybe you're in a business meeting and you

get that same stress or worry.

What can you do if you need relief?

Probably even just like breath work of some nature, to be honest.

Yeah.

Cause that's kind of what I'm also doing at the same time if I'm going out and doing
whatever.

so breath work, right?

It's stepping outside, taking a few deep breaths in, control that breathing, changing that
state.

and those can be one and the same or two different, right?

You're in that board meeting, we're on a call right now and you're about to close a big
deal or something and you're like nervous and your mind is still like, oh, you know, I got

imposter syndrome and stuff.

You're not just gonna say, oh, I gotta go outside for a minute, I'll be back, right?

But the breath is there, right?

Nobody knows that I'm like taking a 10 second breath from the bottom and building up and
then even when I think I'm done, then I'm like half done and so I...

I'm more and more and more and then I just I'm filled and I sit up straighter I feel more
confident and the calm and then a slow exhale and I've just done that for myself.

I brought myself relief and then you mentioned the other one.

Go outside because like you said, I might not have that hour for the gym.

It's over there and then I got to get sweaty and I got to shower, blah, blah.

But and you know, maybe I want to walk by myself.

Maybe I want to walk with my fiance, walk around the park.

walk around the block once before I get in my car, you know.

And so now I'm now that I'm clear on what my need is, I don't have to go to the one
habitual pattern that I have, or what I didn't even know.

A lot of people don't know what it's bringing them.

You had said it already.

I guess it brings me relief.

A lot of people don't even know they just do right and they reach for that strategy that
meets a need for them, you know, again, whether it's alcohol or work or

porn addiction or whatever it is, right?

It's meeting a need for them, but it's not necessarily a healthy end result.

And so now the moment you feel this at the end of your day, I hope my words are ringing in
your ear that first of all, I'm creating the stress myself.

The list isn't doing it, right?

Because I've got a lot of different ways that I can approach that, which is another next
level thing now, right?

How I organize my work, where I delegate

eliminate, simplify, all that stuff.

That's another whole intentionality piece.

But now, if I feel the stress, and that's why I wanted you to go inside, because that's
kind of the canary in the coal mine.

When my chest gets tight, stress, it's the stress.

And not be like, put it away, you're an idiot.

You just had this call, you should know better.

No, it's like, ah, awesome, the wisdom is there.

The wisdom is in the emotion and it's like, okay, that's telling me I have a need right
now and what could I do?

Four o'clock and my workday is not done.

Would I be willing to go around the block once, even though it's drizzly and gray?

Like, would I be willing to do that for my wellness, my stress relief in this moment?

And then you get to answer that question for yourself, right?

It's like, hell yeah.

it's so interesting how you've managed to break that down, right?

It's essentially just knowing what else you can do, which will essentially bring you that
same relief and having some of those things in your back pocket.

So identifying whatever it is that you're trying to, you know, not do, figure out, okay,
what else can we do, which will essentially act the same way, which you can just do what

you have in your back pocket.

And I think that's probably the biggest thing is people, you know, know they're going to
get relief from this one negative thing, which they're doing, but haven't taken the time

to think about.

Okay, what are other things we could do which are actually positive, which can achieve the
same result of what you're actually looking for.

So it's interesting how you manage to kind of break that down and just having those things
in your back pocket, right, which you can just pull out whenever you need them.

Yeah, and you can get as creative as you want with that.

also, brought my push-up bars on this adventure coaching experience and we would just drop
down anytime and people would be all the, our chef was doing push-ups, she was the

powerhouse.

But now, you know, while we were there, three of the guys ordered their push-up bars and
now they're sending photos of them doing their push-ups and stuff.

And that's another one, you have those right in your office with you, you're feeling
stressed.

Do your 10 push-ups, tell me how you feel after that, right?

Do five burpees, you know, phone a friend.

put on an awesome tune and dance.

There's so many strategies once you know what the need is that you're trying to meet.

that's where with this coaching journey, we can help people no matter what's coming up for
them.

We can continue to break it down in the same process where they just see this light and
it's like, holy cow, first of all, I'm creating the stress myself.

Yeah, my life's busy.

Yeah, that doesn't, especially when it's between people, there's still, have to go outside
myself once I've healed myself.

over and over and over over again.

But there's still the work to be done with that person but it's a lot easier now that I'm
not in a triggered state and I'm not in a place of blame or resentment or something like

that.

Yeah, I'd love to get your opinion on, because I think for men, obviously I can only speak
to men for anyone listening, because obviously I'm a man, so I can only speak to men in

this regard.

But I know for me and a lot of my friends, being young entrepreneurs and having all these
goals and things like that, is a lot of the kind of mental health stress and anxiety me

and my friends go through, a lot of the time is from self-inflicted...

goals that we've set on ourselves.

It's like we want to achieve these amazing things, whatever it is, so we're going to hold
ourselves to that standard.

But of course, in the day to day, you know, as you kind of mentioned before, is, when I'm
feeling a bit stressed, it's like, oh, just, you know, get on with it, like whatever it's

going to be, like to pay no attention to it type of thing.

Yeah, exactly.

And it's a little bit, it's difficult to balance it, I think, because it's like, well,
this is what's going to be the cost to kind of get to where we want to get to.

And it's just difficult to manage that because again,

I was thinking about this kind of end of last year.

was like, do you know, again, as you said, all this stress is self-inflicted, right?

Is I have these goals that I want to do.

I've set out the lifestyle that I have right now.

And if I'm getting stressed because of it, it's because it's self-inflicted.

So, I mean, what do you think about that, you know, setting those goals and everything,
but how do you keep it kind of at arm's length, I guess you would say, to not let it

impact you on that state on daily basis?

I love that question.

And it's so important, so important.

And I imagine you've read a lot of from all these startup dudes and ladies who've come
before you, right, who have done that, gone all in, but at great cost to their health, to

their families.

And there's so many advocates now in that startup world and those who have killed it,
right?

but they're saying it wasn't worth it to do it in that way.

There's a statement that I really enjoy about how am I being while I'm doing?

And so yes, I have to do all these things while I don't have to do them all.

I'm choosing, if I know that I'm choosing to do these things, how am I being with those
things?

Am I doing them from a stress state?

Am I doing them from a disconnect state?

Am I doing them from a have to mindset?

because it's not going to bring that same energy.

And so my sort of sense of urgency around your question, Akhil, is to really have these
young entrepreneurs understand that they can go after these things, just that there is a,

we all have a, I wouldn't even say it's not a breaking point, it's just a diminishing
returns and where it

If I look at my life value versus my business value, and I've just seen so much of this
where people give up on their other relationships.

And it's not without thought, I think, at times, but it's often without the long view of
like, how important are these formative years as my children are growing up?

they want their dad always

away so that we can drive that Porsche or whatever it is.

And in my marriage, you know, how many of those end up failing or disconnected and not
bringing the joy that is possible.

Like I was saying earlier about the journey with Dale and I in our business and life
together, that's what was missing.

was the joy because we were our business had just kind of imploded just with a big shift
there at 2008.

The financial crisis that everyone had gone through.

And my only thing that I knew how to do as growing up as a farmer was work harder.

Just go hard, go head down.

And when Dale was feeling more and more and more disconnected from me, I'm like, what can
I do?

What can I do?

How can I like

I, you know, I'm up all night with the kids, I'll do whatever I need to do.

I'll work harder.

And there was a point like I can't work harder, but I didn't know how to do anything else.

And this is where she was kind of like holding up for me.

I don't know, like, it's you that needs to shift the way how you're being while you're
doing, because that is creating tension for everyone around you.

And so when you talk about your lists and the people around you who

who love you and then also and then all your network of people who are sort of doing a
similar thing, I think it's important to have that step back and look at, okay, what is

the ripple effect of the way that I'm showing up in the world?

If I'm coming home exhausted every day, how's that building towards my marriage?

What is the foundation?

Because you looked at the foundation of the, know,

think you're describing the business life that you want and the quality of life.

You know, I can earn this much money and that means we can live in this place and drive
this car and have these trips and save for kids, universities and colleges and things like

that.

But it's just, you know, my Instagram handle is fun road to freedom.

And it's something that I think we often forget about is that we're here to have fun too.

We're here to experience joy and love and freedom and flow.

and not just always be in the hustle.

It's a good reminder of being down here in Central America and just seeing that
decompression everyone has, you know, that the hustle doesn't have to be there and people

have good lives and they're connected and they swing in their hammocks together and chat,
you know.

Yeah, no, definitely.

And that was one of the biggest lessons I had from my first year in entrepreneurship.

So that first year I'd actually, you know, moved away to a different city.

so a lot of my friends that were based kind of, you know, where I'm at right now, like I
wasn't, I wasn't seeing them or with them.

and so those relationships started to really break down and it wasn't until I kind of, you
know, moved back to where I was now.

And I was like, like I need to actually make time for these things and be more intentional
about.

like especially relationships, right?

Because like material things are one thing, you can always get them back, but
relationships are one of those things where once you kind of lost it, you didn't always

get it back.

And so you need to be very careful to make time and manage those relationships.

And it's so funny, like end of the year, you know, last year sitting down and I'd watched
a video by Jesse, it's Jesse, it's it's love, it's love, something like that.

And he was talking about like how he plans his year and he's really big on family
relationships and that type of thing.

And what he was saying was,

Well, every, you know, six weeks or every eight weeks with your partner or your friends,
whatever, is plan a mini adventure.

So what that is, it's something in the diary, which you've already booked beginning of the
year, where a couple of days or whatever that looks like, you're going to go and do

something completely different that you would never have done.

And like adding that on the diary at the beginning of the year means, well, it's on the
diary now.

Like you can't just move it or whatever.

It's booked, it's paid for, it's done.

And so like we sat down and we did that exact same thing.

So like for the rest of the year, we've got this whole

spread of different activities we're going to be doing, just to have something to look
forward to, right?

It's like, I think it's easy to, as we were talking about, as you you're growing a
business and you're working all the time, it's easy to push those things out and, you

know, be like, oh yeah, we'll do that, you know, next month or next year or next, you
know, a couple of years time.

But it's like, well, why not just do it now, right?

Just plan it for somewhere where you can look forward to it.

And then when you're working hard, you can keep that in mind.

It's like, do you know what?

Yes, I am tired now.

or, you know, I'm a little bit fatigued right now, but we've got this thing in the diary,
right, where we're gonna just go do something completely different.

And it seemed like such a very small, you know, thing that I learned from that, but, you
know, we've already done like our first kind of mini adventure and it's great.

It's something completely different that we've never done before, you know, and so I think
having those things in diary has definitely helped us.

And it's gonna be interesting to see what other things we figure out, you know, as we go
through this journey of just life in general, you know, what other things are we gonna

be...

adding onto that diary to kind of do and what other things are we going to be able to do
to stay connected as you rightly said before.

Absolutely, absolutely and that's so fun.

And one of the things I noticed as well Akhil is that a lot of us we can put off feeling
well for a certain date, know, summer holidays, you know, that mini adventure that's

coming up, retirement, whatever.

And so, my word of encouragement there as well is to really

Like notice the stress points in your day, in your relationship, your closest
relationships.

What are those stress points?

And work them out now because that will start to bring more of what you want in a moment.

So it's like not waiting, okay, six weeks, honey, know, six weeks from now, let's talk
about that thing that's going on.

You know, it's like, how do I, and that create that, that there's a lot of courage that I
have found required to stay some of these things, especially in our most intimate

relationships.

because I think as men we fear that it's going to make it worse or we'll lose something or
whatever it is.

That has never ever been the case when I've been able to summon the courage to start that
conversation.

so there's that aspect which is kind of where we kick things off earlier is about moment
to moment what's coming up for me and how do I address that now so that I'm not like,

okay, I'm exhausted every day for the next six weeks and then

I get those three days and they're going to Switzerland or something.

All of it's a step in the right direction though, so yeah, kudos.

as you said on the, on the day to day as well, right?

Is yes, you got this thing booked, but at the same time, you still need to manage what
you're going to be doing today and how you're showing up today.

Um, and, and all those different things.

Um, cause it's, it's quite interesting.

Like last year, we, we essentially created this, this unspoken rule between us where it's
like, we just won't go to bed angry.

So if one person's done something, which we just haven't communicated or whatever is we
just make sure we, we get it communicated as soon as possible.

Um,

essentially is like our game.

So like at the end of the day, it's like we're, we've always worked through whatever
that's going to be.

So for me, it's a case of, you know, or for her, it's a case of, you've, know, the last
two days I've barely seen you.

And so she needs to communicate that kind of as soon as she's feeling that feeling and
that emotion.

So I can then put into practice what I need to do to kind of move forward from that.

But yeah, I think you're completely right.

Right.

It's yes, in the future, but also, also the day to day as well.

Yeah, and moment to moment, right?

So, I love that you're doing that with your fiance.

That's a great thing.

We've attempted that in the past as well to practice that.

I mean, we don't, it's much less necessary now because we're much more in the practice of
open communication around all this stuff.

But that can lead to some late nights sitting up.

Can we just go to bed now?

I promise I'll be better tomorrow.

But I think within that as well,

Akhil, knowing that your awareness of what your partner is experiencing comes through
building your own awareness of emotions in general.

Again, I'm just going to generalize and say our emotional IQ is not as high as our female
counterparts and there's a whole societal and neurological reasoning behind that but

regardless, it's us practicing this for ourselves.

Like when you walk through that and you said it's like I was feeling stressed and it's
coming from these thoughts, to start to be able to recognize those and the people around

us and inspire that conversation as well.

Like you seem a little tense, what's up?

know, versus like she thinks a little tense, you know, I'm just going to be over here.

But the courage to enter into that knowing that it

likely has something to do with me in the way that I'm showing up, right, which means
change, which means more work, which means, my gosh.

And then when people do open up to us with that, clarity around because where your partner
is saying as well is like speaking to your strategy and not her need.

While you're working so much, never see you, but there will be snippets of what she
actually needs in there.

And so asking for that clarity and communicating around that, it sounds like you just have
a need for connection, right?

Like, yeah, me too.

And so what would that look like to you?

What would make you feel good?

Jesus, I don't know.

I just want to see more.

Yeah, me too.

And so getting to the specificity.

like, and then you can start to throw out ideas.

Do want to go for a walk after dinner every night?

Do want to do this?

Do want to wake up and do that?

You know, do you want to meditate together, do yoga, whatever, date night, Thursdays, you
know, whatever that is, getting clarity on on what those action needs are for her.

And then ask yourself if you're as well willing to help her meet those needs.

Yeah, amazing.

No, thanks for that.

so just switching gears quickly, because I do want to dive into the kind of brotherhood
stuff that you're doing right now as well and how you're kind of organizing these groups

and everything.

I mean, talk to me a little bit about your trip.

So what was the, I guess, the motivation behind that?

And what have you seen from that experience, conversations, and what are your biggest
lessons or takeaways, I guess, from the whole event?

Yeah, oh my gosh.

Like really it was a dream come true and like exactly as I planned it and promoted it like
it was also from the heart just that guide, you know, I've guided around the world and

I've traveled around the world and it's such a I'm just in such a flow state and you know
what that's like when you're doing the thing that you're meant to be doing and mine is

just traveling.

I'm like, okay, how do I make money at just traveling the world as a

hippie backpacker, you know, kind of thing.

But then, you know, 20 years of a coaching business afterwards and seeing the value that
can be brought from this work that we're practicing here today, like just that the Genesis

was like, I need to bring these things together in my two great loves.

And one of my superpowers is just planning trips.

And so I dove into that and I had done a little recon last year and

visited some of the places and experienced a little bit of what I knew I wanted to bring
to guys and I know as men, need to move.

We need to do things.

We need adrenaline burning.

We need to be active and we need to have fun and play.

I think the fun and play is a big part of what guys tell me they're finding missing.

They're getting to, you know, I'm working with guys who are kind of like 40 to 55.

And we're at that midlife stage and it's like, gosh, you know, I've done so much for so
many and I need some time for myself or like, is this all there is?

I've got the great job, the great car, the great wife, the kids and the coach, know, the
off-the-team and I need to focus on how I'm feeling because I haven't felt that since I

was in my 20s or something, you know.

And so I wanted to bring all of that knowing that the with the men's group, how like the
guys keep showing up on our calls, our weekly calls, because it is just kind of like we're

doing here, Akhil, just sharing openly about what's going on for us.

And then I get to coach them through and everybody learns and wins, you know, when because
when we one of us rise up, we all rise up kind of thing.

And so and I knew I've been practicing yoga every day for four years, almost every day.

four years now and gotten more into my own meditation and breath work.

And there's a lot of daily habits that I track that I do for myself now that I'm like, I
know how valuable these have been to me.

Let me roll this into one all-inclusive package, not have to worry, like have an awesome
chef, have a driver and we just play, but then we dive into deep conversations and the

guys were just yearning for that, those convos.

so, know, guys are having their most amazing epiphanies.

walking with just another dude going up the volcano.

You know, I'm not even there.

And they're just opening up about something that they have come to realize over the years.

so all of it was really sweet.

And I think the one thing, you know, there's realization on my side of just creating more
structure because my natural state is just flow and ease and, you know, if the coaching

doesn't happen at this exact time, which is like, or it doesn't happen today in that way,
that's fine, you know.

I just want to make sure because the guys, and that was feedback.

It was a real great sort of beta version this trip.

And that was some feedback as well of like, they loved every minute of it.

The feedback, like it just fills my soul how these guys experienced this and the bond
that's been created.

And some feedback they did give me though is like, this is really valuable, this work, and
let's make sure that we do it.

you know, because as much as we can ingrain habits around this stuff, that's what I want
to take away.

Yeah, no, no, I think that's great.

It sounds like such an incredible experience.

And I was actually invited on essentially like this.

So there's this guy that I kind of know from London.

He's got a business partner in South Africa.

And so he works like doing all the safaris and like, you know, the wildlife and things
like that.

And so they're like, you how can we marry these two things up?

Right.

So they essentially planned a week and this was again, a beta test for them last year.

where they had planned this whole trip where essentially they're be camping under the
stars, like going to find rhinos, doing all the wildlife stuff, but at same time having

like those coaching kind of things in between as well.

And it something that I really wanted to go to, but for me, there's too many conflicts in
the diary, know, going back to the business stuff, it's like, oh, I've got this stuff to

do.

And so that was a lesson for me after I saw kind of what they did and I was like, that
looks insane.

So I mean for you, are you gonna be doing a lot more of these events and things like that
later on?

Because I mean, I'll definitely love to learn more about it and I'm sure the audience
would as well.

Oh yeah, absolutely and first of all, think, you know, put that on your bucket list at
least sort of in, you know, maybe within a two-year time span that you do go on one.

I'm doing another one in November.

I'm like, I'm to do it back here in Nicaragua.

There's so many more people that need to come and experience this and I've developed the
whole sort of, so the other thing that was a little, was sort of a little shooting from

the hip as I love to travel.

But that created a bit of like, are we going to get on this ferry today or not?

But these guys were still in flow and so easy.

It was cool.

But now I'm going to run another one here in November in Nicaragua.

And then I want to take it to all the beautiful places that I want people to experience.

I was guiding in South Africa, Southern Africa.

was guiding those overland tours and stuff.

That's one of the things.

So yeah, so my wife and I are going to go back.

We're going in August to run a conscious blossoming retreat.

I can tell you more about that another time, but it's really about using nature as part of
our therapy and then combining it with all this conscious leadership work.

We have good friend there who does nature therapy work.

And so we're heading there as well, but I'd love to hear who your friends are and what
they're up to.

That sounds awesome.

Yeah, definitely.

So one of the final questions we always ask guests on the show is if you can go back to
your 18 year old self and you can only take three lessons with you, whether it's some

mindset things or some philosophical things or just some technical knowledge, what would
those three lessons be and why would it be those things?

beautiful.

I think number one would be to trust your superpowers, your gifts, your real skills and
qualities.

And because if we can be doing that every day, you know, something to create a life for
ourselves using those, it's that old, you you'll never work a day in your life kind of

thing.

Mm.

Yeah.

the nonprofit that I had started was really about that helping kids like youth life by
design.

And then the other one would be around this emotional awareness piece.

Like two of these things both go right back to the education system.

We're not setting young people up to create a meaningful life for themselves.

We're setting them up to work and produce.

And then the other side of it, we're also not educating them on emotions and how to
recognize them and what to do with them when they are present, because they're always

present.

And I think that's a huge miss.

It creates such a disconnect and it creates all the wars and everything that we're
experiencing because we don't know how to communicate effectively.

And then the third one, which I think we've talked a bunch about here today, is how

How am I being while I'm doing?

Like how do I bring the fun to the moments knowing that what I'm doing, I mean, I always
have choice and that's a huge thing, right?

Whether someone's got a gun on my head and it's asking for my wallet or I've got the to-do
list that I'm gonna push through, we always have choice and if I'm so choosing to do these

things, then how do I want to be while I'm doing that thing?

Amazing, no, very powerful lessons there, I think.

So, I mean, where can people find you if they wanna just connect with you or learn more
about the work you do, like your LinkedIn or Instagram or website as well?

Yeah, thank you.

Trevor Bryce Stevenson, think on LinkedIn.

Can't miss me.

I think there's only a couple of us there, but Trevor Stevenson's.

And Instagram is at FunRoadtoFreedom.

And so those work.

That's easy.

ConsciousLead.life is our website.

And so that's easy as well.

You can get hold of me and everyone's following you, Akil.

Hopefully, we'll get this show out to the world as well.

Definitely, definitely.

Amazing, I mean, thank you so much for taking the time.

It's been an amazing session for me.

I've learned a lot about myself and some of the things that you're working on is really
cool as well.

So yeah, thanks for taking the time.

I've loved this conversation.

Me as well.

And thank you.

Like, I mean, you are doing something really, really special.

And I want to commend you for that because you're doing it with such authenticity and
you're you're curious to speak honestly, you know, about these things.

It's just a it's such you're such a representation of what we're all going through.

And you're bringing that to the world in a way that's really helping a lot of people.

So thank

Appreciate that, thank you very much.

Awesome.