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Balancing Act: Life and Struggles of a Teenage Girl is a down-to-earth mental health and wellness podcast created for teens, by a teen.
Hosted by Moorea, a teenage girl, the show features open and unfiltered conversations with guests, sharing relatable stories and expert advice that validate your experiences while offering practical tips for navigating the (often) treacherous seas of teen girl life.
Moorea is committed to asking the tough questions on teen life we’re all thinking but are too scared to voice. On this podcast, Moorea also shares her journey with mental health and teen life to destigmatize and normalize the experiences that come with being a teenage girl.
Tune in to Balancing Act: Life and Struggles of a Teenage Girl to learn how to better navigate your:
- Friendships
- Mental Health
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Body image
- Eating Disorders
- Romantic Relationships
- Crushes
- Menstrual Cycle
- Social Media
- Nutrition
- Exercise
- Sexuality
- Parental Relationships
- And so much more!
Hello and welcome to Balancing Act,
life and struggles of a teenage girl.
A mental health and wellness
and semi unfiltered podcast
made for teens by a teen.
I'm your host, Moraya, a 16
year old girl from New York.
And here on Balancing Act, I bring you
weekly episodes featuring relatable
conversations, personal stories, and
practical insights to help you life's
balancing act and related challenges.
And to remind you that you are not alone.
So.
If you're like me.
Me and you went through middle
school or high school or maybe
elementary school during COVID.
Your social stuff was kind of
like, oh, we're for a little while.
Right?
It's hard to talk to people and
especially coming out of COVID
like I was so socially awkward.
And I was like living my life on my phone.
My phone was my only
connection to anything.
And so this idea of like social
media and phone usage and
everything, it just such like a
pressing issue and the modern world.
And.
All of our parents are
like, get off of your phone.
And you're like, but it's like my life,
you know, like, this is how I communicate.
This is what I do.
And so this was just such an
important conversation to have.
So in this episode of balancing
act, I am so excited to be
joined by kiersten McCormick.
. She is a super awesome person.
And in addition to being a mom
of five, which is like a job.
In of itself.
She's the founder of teen connect
adventure camps, where teens go to
like unplug into actually interact
with each other in the real world.
And then in addition to
running those camps and.
Activities and her local community.
She's a thought leader who
works to help parents and teens.
Navigate the difficult balance
between technology and real life
connections and experiences.
Because balancing these things is really
a challenge for anyone who lives in 2025.
And so this conversation was just
so meaningful to have we talk a lot
about like dynamics around phone
usage, and also about like the
meaning and the value of unplugging.
And I know this may seem like a
conversation that like you'd have
with your parent about like, you
got to get off your phone and Stop
scrolling so much, blah, blah, blah.
But like, this was such a meaningful
conversation to have, and it
did not feel like that at all.
And she really understands
teenager's perspectives.
And how we work.
And I just felt so heard and.
This episode offers some really great
insights into how to better navigate.
navigate.
phone.
phone.
usage with like your parents and
then just also finding that power
within yourself to make a change.
So, yeah, let's dive into it.
, Moorea: I'm so excited to
have you on the podcast.
Kirsten: Thank you so much for having me.
I really, really
appreciate the invitation.
Moorea: Of course.
by now we've all heard adults in our
lives tell us that we need to get off
of our phones, go outside, touch some
grass, and that social media is going
to like result in the end of humanity
or just something along those lines.
So what do you believe the role of social
media and technology is in our lives?
Kirsten: I think that technology
and social media are tools.
I think that if we say that they're
all bad and if we demonize them, then
we don't give them the place that they
deserve, which is they're powerful tools.
For instance, you are
able to use technology.
To share your message and to reach a
lot of people that might be outside
of your normal social circle.
But I think we have to be reminded
sometimes that they are tools and
like any tool they have to be used
for good and that if they're not
being used for good, They have the
potential to be addictive or disruptive.
And there's a lot of studies that have
been shown that they do contribute
towards anxiety and depression and stress.
And it can be a difficult
balance to navigate.
How do we use these amazing tools but
not suffer harmful effects that many
scientific studies have shown that,
especially teen girls when it comes to
social media seem to experience the most
anxiety and depression because of it.
Moorea: Yeah, technology is so powerful.
It's a tool and it
allows people to connect.
Then I've discussed social media on
other episodes with people who've written
dissertations on it and the effects
that it's had, and it really shows.
The terrible effects that social
media can have on people, but
then it's just so hard to balance.
So do you have any tips for how
teenagers can balance technology and
also navigate like the relationship with
their parents and the people who are
trying to get them off of technology?
Kirsten: Sure.
So I think when it comes to technology and
their own relationship with technology,
I think each of us as human beings, no
matter what our age, we need to decide
like how we want to spend our life because
we get to choose how we spend every single
day and It may not seem like 30 minutes
or an hour or two hours is very much time
the average teenager according to
surveys, spends seven hours a day
online outside of school time.
but let's just say it's only two
hours over the course of a year.
That's over 600 hours that we're spending
not hanging out with friends, not doing
awesome things like recording podcasts.
Not laughing, not reading, not
writing, not engaging in our hobbies,
like whatever those hobbies are
that's time that we basically lost.
And so as individuals, we each have to
decide like what our priorities are when
we look back at our life, what do we
want to remember doing and how do we want
to spend our time and then make really
conscious decisions about what we want
to spend our time because ultimately
our parents aren't going to be able.
Like to control us forever.
We get to choose right now what
our habits are going to be.
You get to decide right now what
kind of life you want to live
and what habits you want to form.
And our parents each have an idea of
what they think that should look like,
but ultimately they don't control it.
We do, individuals, whether
we're teenagers or adults.
And I think that a conversation that can
be had with our parents is, I believe,
that one of the most powerful gifts
that we can give ourselves or any other
people we're in a relationship with,
whether that's a parent, a boyfriend
or girlfriend, a best friend is the
gift of being truly present with them.
Because we all know what it's like to be
hanging out with someone and they pull out
their phone and you're like telling them
something deep and important, they pull
out their phone and they start checking a
message or scrolling or something and that
feels very oh, okay I'll just stuff my
heart back in my chest and hold on to that
a minute while you check your messages.
You like it.
It feels safe.
It feels dishonoring in a way that's a
very like serious word to use, but it
just feels like you're not being respected
when someone you're sharing something
with someone or having a conversation
and they pull out their phone.
And so when we're talking to our
parents, I think that we have the right
to ask for the same thing from them.
if parents would like their kids.
to be present, to put away their phone
to be spending less time on screens.
I think the teenagers have the right to
ask the same thing, because ultimately,
we want and deserve to be present with
the other human beings in our life.
And parents don't have the right
to ask their teenagers to put
away their cell phones if they're
not going to do the same thing.
There has to be mutual accountability.
Moorea: Yeah, definitely.
but then a lot of parents also bring up
the fact like, if I didn't have to be
on my phone, I wouldn't be on my phone,
and I'm only doing it for work purposes.
And that way, like being on their
phones is something that's necessary.
And they're telling us that, if we have
the choice to not be on our phones,
then we should not be on our phones.
Kirsten: I get that because I probably
said the exact same thing to my teenage
daughter but earlier this year, I just
realized the hypocrisy in that and that.
Yes, I do have work I can do on my
phone, but anybody who is letting their
work interrupt their family dinner or
interrupt a conversation with their
child who should be the most important
person in their life or one of the
most important people in their life is
not modeling good work life balance.
Say you're having a, serious conversation
with your partner, you pull out
your phone, it's the same thing
with your child or with your parent.
Like we all as human beings
deserve the respect and presence
of the people we're with.
And I think that while teenagers
can't control their parents behavior,
I think that they can call them
out on it in a respectful way.
If you scream that at them, they're
obviously not going to receive
it as well as like, you What I
want most from you, mom, is that
you just can be present with me.
is there any way that we can have
mutual respect that at dinnertime, if
you don't mean have my phone out at
dinner can you save your work messages
or whatever it is you're doing?
Can you save that and do it when we're
not being present with each other?
And I think if it said like respectfully
that will actually really get parents.
In a way that they're like, Oh yeah.
Okay.
those are some of the things that a
teenager can say to their parents,
that the parents are reminded like,
wow, my kid's actually very wise.
Moorea: Yeah.
And I think it also
means a lot to parents.
I mean, I can't really speak from the
perspective of parent cause I'm not a
parent, but would you say that if your
child was like, can you be more present
with me because I want to be present
with you and I value our time together?
Isn't that something that a lot of
parents would actually really appreciate?
Kirsten: Yeah, I think parents
are going to hear it way more.
if you're my teenage daughter, and I
say to you like, Get off your phone.
You're always on your phone.
It's not healthy for you.
You should take advantage of the
fact that you don't have to work.
I screamed that at you.
Then the response that you're probably
going to want to get back is you're
always on your phone and it's not fair.
And why can't I be on my phone?
And it starts a very aggressive
tone in the conversation.
Whereas if either one of those
parties says I just really
want to be present with you.
I just want us to be able to really talk.
It's going to be received
way better on either side.
If it said, because I care about you,
because I love you, it's, and that's
the only way to like really make it.
And that also is modeling I think
parents model for their teenagers
what healthy relationships look like.
if I'm with my daughter and I'm
on my phone the whole time, I'm
basically teaching her that the
important relationships, it's okay
for people to treat her like that.
It's okay if her friends or her
boyfriend or other people that she
cares about dismiss her and treat
her like she's less important.
That's the message I'm sending.
Moorea: it's so complicated with phones
and like the way that we use them
and the message that it gives other
people when we use the phone in front
of them and just showing somebody
their value by being fully present and
how much that can mean to somebody.
But the thing is it's ultimately like
our decision as individuals, how we're
going to use our phone and we have
to make the decision for ourselves.
Like you're saying, like.
How are we going to use the phone as
a tool in our lives and not let it
become this other dangerous thing.
We have the autonomy to choose that.
And so, I'm just wondering, can we
do to disconnect from our phones?
How can we make the decision for us as
individuals to choose to do something else
instead of, Spending so much time online.
Kirsten: So I think the first step as
individuals is to Decide what things we
do value what things we do want to be
spending time on and then Look at the
opposite side what things are taking me
away from that our phones will even tell
us in like the weekly screen time reports
like where we spent The majority of our
time so if we look at that weekly screen
time report and it's like oh wow, I spent
Four hours a day this week on Instagram.
And we're like, I would have really liked
to, finish that homework project that was
due, or maybe someone's really into art.
Maybe they have an art project and
they'd love to spend more time on
art, but they just never really
give it the time it deserves.
But they see they're spending
four hours a day on Instagram.
I think that.
different personalities
need different things.
Some people prefer to go cold turkey on
things and just I'm going to delete it.
I personally don't think
that is sustainable.
I think that's being like,
I'll never eat chocolate again.
I think that learning to have self control
and develop better habits is healthier.
And so I think we can do things that
will help us regulate and have self
control around these things where some
people it might be deleting the app
but still giving themselves access
to logging in through a web browser.
For instance, I've had some teenagers
tell me that having to go through that
extra step because it's so automatic.
We'll pick up our phone, get on
an app and be scrolling and not
even realize that we did it.
Whereas if there's an extra step even
just taking it off of their homepage so
they have to search for it having to
go through an extra step if someone's
working on making a change can be enough
to trigger their brain to be like, Oh,
Do I want to get on social media right
now, or do I want to do something else?
I know that , if their phones
are connected to their teenagers
accounts, parents also can
put in some security controls.
Most teenagers don't want their parents
to be the ones deciding that for them.
So that's why I think that being
proactive about choosing for themselves
how much time each of us can decide
for ourselves, like, how much time
do I want to spend on social media?
If someone were to ask you that, would
you be like, I want to spend four
hours a day or seven hours a day?
Most people probably wouldn't say that's
how much time I want to spend, but they
also don't want someone else limiting it.
They want to decide for
themselves and be autonomous.
So I think we have to, as
individuals, take whatever
steps are going to work for us.
For some people, they, Only get on
like after they, they set themselves
like a to do list okay, I really
want to work on my art project.
So I'm not going to get on social
media until I have done, worked on my
art project for like an hour each day.
Or for some people it's, instead of
charging their phone by their bed.
It's going and charging it like on
the other side of the room so that
they can't automatically reach for it.
And that if that is their particular
place where like when they're feeling
tired and lazy they tend to reach for it.
But ultimately no one else can
say for you, this is gonna work.
Each individual person has to know
what are my sort of like weak spots?
When am I, Most likely to choose that
over something that I know is going to
nourish my soul and make me feel happier
in the long run, because in the long run,
social media doesn't make anyone happy.
Moorea: Yeah, we all know social
media doesn't make you happy.
I always feel bad after I'm scrolling.
At one point for did I?
I deleted, I went cold turkey on
like social media for a while.
I deleted Instagram, that didn't work,
I redownloaded it about the next day.
I had about three different
screen time blockers on Instagram.
So like the Apple one, and then
two other apps to block my screen.
But then I end up just like going through
it and being like that's not working.
And so I just feel like the more that I
try to regulate Instagram and make it like
this thing that you can't have, it just
makes your brain want it more, I guess.
Kirsten: yeah.
I think that, instead of going
cold turkey, like choosing healthy
limits is a healthier approach.
Like some people will have one
day a week, that they'll go screen
free where they just won't use
their screens that one day a week.
And I think something like that.
is healthier or having a certain amount
of time each day where then after that
they don't, or getting certain things.
And I think that's healthy because
then you're not saying, Oh, I
can't, I can never be on it again.
You're like, really, I can't
wait till tomorrow, or I can't
wait till after 7pm or whatever.
Like you, it's in baby steps.
I think self control is a muscle
and that when we never use it, we
lose the ability to self regulate.
But whereas if we can do it in.
Small increments, then we build our
self control muscle of no, actually I,
I have a self control, like one girl
I knew was like, in order to just not
mindlessly scroll, she like wouldn't
take her phone in the bathroom with her,
which seemed like a little thing, but
she's like, I ended up being like in
the bathroom for like 30 minutes when
obviously , I don't need to be in there
that long for the things I need to do.
And I was like, that's a
really interesting idea.
That was just her way of being
like, I have control over myself.
Even if it didn't over affect
her overall usage that much.
It was her way of exerting her own power
over herself and not just being controlled
by her desire to be on her phone.
Moorea: Yeah.
Totally agree with that.
I need to stop bringing my phone to
the bathroom because then I spent
half an hour or two just like in the
bathroom on my phone and it's not good.
And then in addition to doing a lot
of work around helping people manage
their relationships with their screens,
you also do a lot in terms of what
happens when we get off our screens,
helping people get off their screens
with your Team Connect Adventure Camps.
And so, I'm just wondering, can
you share a little bit about what
these camps are and the value that
you've seen of disconnecting from
screen and learning skills in person?
Kirsten: Yeah, so that's
actually my preference.
I tend to believe that all things
in life, you can't just eliminate
something that might be harmful.
You have to replace it
with something good.
That's basically a universal human
fact with any kind of habits.
. We don't want to have a void.
In our lives.
So if we eliminate something
bad or if we're trying to change
a habit, it's way healthier to
replace it with something good.
And so I find that for teenagers
ultimately would rather be
hanging out with their friends.
They would rather be developing skills.
They would rather be contributing
something good to the world, whether
that is art or music or learning
how to make things or building
different kinds of projects.
But.
As human beings, we tend to take
the path of least resistance.
And sometimes it's just
easier to grab our phones.
And so what I do is I create programming.
For teens in my community where
on a weekly basis, they have
access to different kinds of fun
experiences that they can do with
their friends different kinds of
educational and social experiences.
And then I create Teen adventure camps
where teens from all over can come
together and we go out and we go hiking
and boating and camping and we jump
into waterfalls and we do rappelling
and do lots of other different kinds of
physical outdoor adventure experiences.
And I find that it's only like
the first day that teenagers
even mention missing their phone.
But because they're with a bunch of
other teenagers who are also missing
their phone, and then they're being
so like emotionally connected to
the people around them and to the
fun things that they're doing, that
they end up not even missing it.
And usually at the end of a week
or two, they're like, I love it.
I feel so much more happier and alive.
And their mental and emotional health.
They all report being way better.
Then before they started.
And so that brings me a lot of joy
and a lot of the teenagers that
go through these experiences, then
report that they, their motivation to
make changes in their everyday life.
To keep their mental and emotional health
at a good high level is much higher than
when it's done out of like guilt of I
probably shouldn't be scrolling so much
like motivation to do something because
we probably shouldn't or I need to change
or like, I want to do more with my life.
Those are negative motivations
and as human beings, we're not
motivated negatively long term.
Those things aren't sustainable, but when
we find something that we're passionate
about doing or connecting with other
people, those things are sustainable.
So I think that the teenagers that
tend to have the best mental emotional
health are one to find activities
that they can do usually socially
with friends, whether that's, hiking
or sports or arts or music theater
makers clubs, doing hands on things.
Those are the kids, the teenagers that
are the happiest and end up reporting
the best mental health is ones who are
actually physically getting out and using.
Their bodies and their minds
and their social skills.
Moorea: Yeah, no, I so agree with that.
You can't just like say
somebody stop using your phone.
It's bad for you.
And then expect them to just sit
there and do nothing because as
teenagers, and especially cause
we use social media so much, we're
so used to being like stimulated.
so if we just stop using our
phones now what are we going to do?
So we have to find something else to like,
fill that void that is created when we.
Take away social media because social
media is not just, it's mindless scrolling
for a lot of people as a way of like
entertainment, really fast dopamine,
quick dopamine, And then also it's
like a form of connection, so how do
we find those things in the real world?
So that we won't also be feeling
the negative effects of social
media and actually be able to
connect with people in real life.
Kirsten: Yeah, and I think,
that real life connection is
also way more deeply satisfying.
The kinds of connection that we have
on social media are way shallower
and constantly depending on likes
and follows and, how people are
interacting with whatever content
we may be putting out there.
there's anxiety to constantly be producing
something that people will accept rather
than showing up in person and simply being
with other people, which, allows us to
form connections that are not so fickle.
Moorea: Yeah,
Kirsten: I totally agree.
Like on
Moorea: social media, if you want a
lot of likes, then you have to try to
be everything to everyone, but there's
no way that you could be that while
still being your authentic self, if
you're trying to conform to what other
people want, but if it's like in person
and you have like a few close friends
and you can be completely yourself.
And they love you for who you are.
And you feel happy and fulfilled
and being the authentic you.
That can be so much more meaningful,
Kirsten: so much more meaningful.
That reminds me, one of my favorite
authors Brittany Brown, she talks
about the difference between fitting
in and belonging, and she's like
fitting in is changing ourselves to
be what other people want us to be.
And showing up in a way that they can
accept, whereas belonging is just being
like totally and authentically ourselves,
no matter how weird or wacky or different
or unique we are and being completely
loved and accepted exactly the way we are.
And in a way, fitting in and belonging
are opposites and social media
requires us to fit in, whereas being
in person with our real friends.
If they are truly our
friends, that's belonging.
Moorea: I totally agree with that.
The best experience that I've had in
my life, like in my freshman year of
high school, two years ago, I went
on a backpacking trip to Utah and we
didn't have our phones, there was like
no cell service, even if we wanted to
use our phones and then we all were
just like goofing around and having a
really great fun time exploring canyons.
And it was just such
an amazing experience.
And so can you tell us a little bit about
what motivated you to start this camp?
Were there any personal experiences
that you had that showed you the
value of in person connection?
Kirsten: Yeah.
So during the pandemic, I really saw
my teenagers Spending a lot more time
online because there was no other way to
connect with people, all of us, adults
and teenagers alike, all basically,
online was the only way to connect with
other human beings, and After the first
year of that, I really saw their mental
and emotional health just taking a hit.
They just weren't themselves.
It was like their caves were
these dark rooms where they
stared at glowing boxes all day.
And I was like, this is not healthy.
These aren't like the active,
like vibrant people that I know.
And so, I decided that we
needed to get out in person.
And so in 2021, I formed a group in
our community called team connect.
And I just put the word out and I was
like, any teenagers that want to come,
we're going to do outdoors, socially
distanced activities and games and
get togethers and all of the teams
that came, it was interesting because
it was like, for a lot of people, it
was like their Social activity where
they're actually doing stuff in person
and not just, meeting up online.
And so there was some nervousness, but
also you could just see how much everyone
craved being in each other's presence,
just like being face to face with people.
And so we just started meeting
once a week and watching.
Each of these individual teams just
transform with just getting to have
that in person connection was a really
beautiful thing and it really made
me realize how important that was.
It wasn't just like, Oh, wouldn't
it be nice to hang out with friends?
It was like, no, teenagers need for
their social and emotional development.
They need to be with each other.
They need to be around
people in real life.
. So we continued doing these activities
and over the course of the year, things
became more and more normal and we were
able to do a lot more things and what
I realized, even as school opened back
up and people were doing everything
in person again, is that we'd formed
a really valuable community based on.
Doing things in person.
And so, the group evolved and changed
and we started doing other things.
We started doing activities that maybe
they wouldn't try out on their own.
Let's go rock climbing.
Let's go ice skating.
Let's take a photography class.
We just started offering different kinds
of experiences so that teens could try out
different interests and gifts and skills.
And I just watched the more teenagers
do things in person, The more they
try out things that maybe they haven't
tried before, maybe things that they
might fail at, like the risk of having
to try things that, that there's a
possibility of failure, I think is
very confidence building, and that's
exactly what teenagers should be doing.
And if they're getting
that in school, great.
But I just wanted to offer it to go
beyond what they're getting in the
classroom and give them as many real
world in person experience as possible.
And the camps are just
an extension of that.
rather than doing one activity, it takes
it on steroids for a couple of weeks.
Let's get out and completely get you
out of your comfort zone, but with your
friends, and give you a lot of chances to
build confidence in your sense of self.
Moorea: That sounds like so
much fun and so meaningful.
And honestly, amazing, but the fact
is not everyone has the opportunity to
join like an amazing group like this.
So do you have any tips for a teenager
who's maybe listening to this episode
and is like, wow, that sounds amazing.
I want to go out in the real world.
I want to do real things.
I want to interact with other
teenagers, but then they don't have
access to like camps like this.
What can they do in their
lives today to start?
Finding other ways to fulfill, their
need for social connections and in
person skill building if they just
don't have access to a ton of these
Kirsten: resources.
I think that a lot of times teenagers
will wait for resources to come to them.
But if they realize that it's in
their power, their responsibility,
there are quite a lot of resources
for teenagers to be able to plug in.
I think That starting with the
resources provided, there's so many
resources provided through their
schools and then through local programs,
through sports library programs,
there's even local adventure clubs,
hiking clubs, things like that.
And a lot of times it's a matter of.
Asking and seeking it out because
sometimes things aren't right in
front of our face, but as soon as you
start looking for it, you can find it.
And I think a lot of teenagers
wait, I think we mentioned before,
talking about taking the path of
least resistance, and we as human
beings tend to do that, but with a
little bit of, effort just to search.
And teenagers are really good
at using the internet to search
for what kind of volunteer
opportunities are in my community.
What kind of outdoor adventure sports
opportunities are available to me?
Because they do exist.
There's a lot of really awesome
things happening in communities
across the United States.
Moorea: Yeah, and I know that at least for
me as a teenager like all these activities
sound really fun and volunteering sounds
really fun But sometimes it's so scary
to like go into a new space where you
know Absolutely nobody and so what
have you seen in terms of I guess at
your own camps where teenagers come in?
And they don't know anybody.
How does that tend to go?
Do they feel like really left out or I Do
people start to form bonds pretty fast?
Kirsten: In the case of the
camps, everybody starts on
the same playing field, right?
Like everybody's coming
and not knowing anyone.
And so in that case, it's a
little bit different because.
People tend to be able to bond
quickly because it's not like
they're entering in a place where
there's pre existing cliques.
But a better example would be I do a
lot of programming for teenagers locally.
And every month or two we have new
teens that move here or find out
about the group and decide to join.
And I think.
One of the things , that I've watched
is that , it's going to be awkward.
Anytime you start something
new, it's going to be awkward.
And just acknowledging that and
recognizing like, okay, it's going
to be awkward till it's not awkward.
And so we'll even joke about that
when we're doing the introductions.
I remind the teens that are here and
already part of the group, like, hey,
remember your first time, how it was
awkward till it wasn't awkward anymore.
, and I say that to the new teens as I'm
welcoming them, like, it's probably
going to feel a little awkward.
You probably feel like everybody
knows each other, but everybody
here had their first time to come.
Everybody had their first day or their
first couple of weeks and I said just
stick with it because it's worth it
to get over that hump of being awkward
and you're not the only one that
feels that way or has felt that way.
Like everybody has to go through . That
sort of like, what feels like a
hazing phase of the awkwardness and
that's just part of being human.
And it just, it's worth it.
It's so worth it to find that fun
activity or fun group or a sense of
belonging on the other side of the
awkward, but we have to be willing to
push through the awkward to get there.
Moorea: I totally agree.
And I, I myself definitely have
experiences where I've had to like
push through that awkward phase to
like really connect with the group.
So when.
Like, these teenagers come
into a group and they connect.
Are there any stories that have
really, like, stood out to you, of
how teenagers have changed through
connecting in person with other teenagers?
Kirsten: Yeah one of my favorite
examples is, there was a young lady
who who started coming to some of
our activities when she was 15.
And when she first came super, super,
super shy, super awkward, I remember
she, This is not a criticism on her
style, but the way she dressed looked
like she didn't want to be seen.
Like she dressed in a way
that was, super baggy clothes.
She wore her hair shaggy over her
face, which she didn't look bad.
It wasn't that, but it was almost like
her energy was giving off a, like,
I'm here, I don't want to be seen.
Don't notice me.
And she came and I was really
happy to have her there.
And.
What I found with her is that
she did better if she had, like,
something she could help with.
Or Like a job, like she had a naturally
like very kind and giving spirit.
And so as a facilitator, I noticed
that and I like got her involved.
Anytime we needed help, like running
registration at the door or organizing
things behind the scene or cleaning up
afterwards, like giving her little jobs
to do, gave her a sense of importance.
And it's been really beautiful
to watch over the last few
years as she's kept coming.
She's really matured
a lot and transformed.
And she especially, she's very artistic.
And so any of the activities for her
that involved arts, crafting, anything
creative, she really thrived at.
And so when I knew there was going to be
activities like that, I always made sure
I was like, You need to come to this.
This is going to be your thing.
And so she just kept showing up and that's
what I think I'm most proud of her for is
that she just kept showing up probably
for like , the first four or five months,
she didn't talk to anyone, but she just
kept showing up kind of sitting in the
corner, being a wallflower and then bit
by bit, she started to find her people.
It started off with just, sitting with
the other wallflowers . But she found
her people, she made friends, and now
she's 19, and one of the group leaders.
She has really found her place, she
shows up, she helps with organizing
things, she very frequently is running
the registration table, she's welcoming
the new younger kids, and she can
relate to them better than anyone else.
So when she sees someone new who's
shy or awkward or just like, ah,
I don't know where I'm supposed to
stand or who I'm supposed to talk to.
She's so like, gentle
and warm and welcoming.
She hasn't, when I say she's transformed,
I don't mean she's become an extrovert
because she hasn't, but I've watched her
really blossom and now she can see those
other shy, nervous, introverted kids
and she knows just how to like, Go sit
next to them and ask them questions and
make them feel really comfortable and I
think that's a really cool part about
teens learning leadership is that you
don't have to be a natural born leader.
It's taking your own experiences and
then using that to see other people
like you and be able to be empathic and
be like, I know what that feels like.
And how can I.
use my experience to help
make the experience somewhat
easier for someone else.
And so that's, that to me
is what leadership is about.
It's not being naturally like,
ha, I'm here to be in charge.
I'm here to boss people around.
It's about being empathic and
being like, how can I help?
How can I use my experience to serve?
Moorea: I totally agree with that.
And that story is so beautiful.
I just came back from like
a conference in Denver.
It was like a student leadership.
Diversity inclusion conference and what
I learned the most from it was like
the importance of just helping other
people to feel like they belong and
like you're saying leadership is really
having empathy for people going out
there and really connecting with them.
So I just think that's so beautiful
and it really shows like the importance
of also in person connections, right?
Because there's no way that you could
develop a relationship like that.
online or at least it'd be very hard to.
Kirsten: Yeah it's hard online because
you can't read people's body language.
even when you can see people's faces or
hear them talk, that is something that
is usually either planned or scripted
or edited in a way that, It's not, I'm
not saying it's not authentic, but it's
not real and live and in the moment.
And that's different than seeing someone
across the room and being able to read
their body language and to be like,
okay, they feel uncomfortable or they
feel shy or they feel embarrassed.
And then being able to use our
empathy to react and respond to that.
Moorea: Completely agree.
There's such a human connection that's
formed when you do things in person.
So I love that so much.
So if people want to reach out to
you or learn more about the work
that you do, where can they go?
Kirsten: We have a website
it's teenconnectadventures.
com or we're on Instagram, TikTok,
and Facebook at teenconnectadventures.
Moorea: That's amazing.
And then there's just one question
that I like to ask everyone who comes
on the podcast Which is if you had
one piece of advice for your teenage
self, what do you think that would be?
Kirsten: Ooh One piece of advice for
my teenage self Just to be kind, have
grace with myself because I think
especially those of us who are hard
workers and ambitious, we tend to
judge ourselves really harshly and
hold ourselves to high standards, which
can be good and make us work harder,
but it also can make us really beat
ourselves up when we make mistakes.
And I think that's just having
grace and being kind to ourselves
because that allows us to also have
grace and be kind to other people.
Moorea: I completely agree,
and I love that so much.
Thank you so much for
coming on the podcast today.
This has been really great.
Kirsten: Thank you.
I really appreciate the opportunity.
Of
Thank you so much for making it's the
end of this episode of balancing act.
So here are my key takeaways because
this was just such a meaningful
conversation to be having.
First of all, we need to define our
relationship with technology autonomously.
Like we got to do it by ourselves.
Our parents can't do it for us because
the reality is like, We're just
looking, not going to listen to them.
Sorry, parents, if you're listening,
but no, it has to come from us.
We're teenagers funding
our own way in the world.
And we have to be the ones to figure
out how we're going to use our phones.
If there's going to be
any long-term change.
And teenagers.
We've got to find our
own ways to regulate.
And something that I've done is on apple.
Now you can like choose to
hide apps and have to open them
with like face ID and whatever.
And I've done that.
And like, I don't know if it's because,
you know, I just haven't really been
on my phone as much for the past
few days, but I haven't seen like
Instagram, like it's still on my phone.
Right.
But then it's not, I don't like
see it when I'm in my phone.
And so I don't use it.
So like quick switches, like
click on the app and then like,
Quickly, face ID and then hide.
And then it hides the app and it, it
works really well for me, at least.
And the second thing, which
I didn't really think about
what made a lot of sense.
Was about.
Just dynamics around phones and
screens and what it means when
you're using a screen, instead of
being present with other people.
And then.
Realizing that being present
with other people is one of the
greatest gifts that you can.
Give somebody.
And so just putting your phone
away and really just being with
other people in the moment.
Can be so valuable.
And then kind of adding onto
that real life connection
is the most important thing.
And it's really what we
want and need as humans.
And when you're in person, you
can be so much more authentic
because online you have to be
everything to everyone all at once.
But when you're in person, it's so
much easier just to be you when you're
around a smaller group of people.
And then when it comes to actively putting
yourself in these situations, you got to.
Actively pursued these things and it
can be hard and it can be awkward,
but you just got to push through it,
like fake it till you make it put
on a smile, act confident because.
What I've noticed is that a lot of the
times people around you feel just as
awkward and weird as you do when it
comes to like new social situations.
And so just.
Put yourself out.
Out there.
There and realize that you're not the
only one who feels awkward and that it
can be so rewarding when you push through.
And just start.
To have fun with the people
around you in your life.
And so, yeah.
Thanks for tuning into this episode.
I'd go out there into the real world.
Call your friend, ask them
to hang out in person.
And I'll see you next week.
..
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