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Join Rem and Alvia as they navigate the joys and perils of adulthood as a married millennial DINK couple in the Philippines, while also trying to break the stigma against the DINK lifestyle or being childless by choice. We tackle challenges like facing adult responsibilities, managing finances, growing careers, breaking generational traumas, generating social impact, cultivating relationships, and determining who should be washing the dishes.
DINKWAP stands for Dual-Income No Kids with a Podcast!
Are you a DINK, SINK, or DINK-curious? Join us at DINK Lifestyle Philippines.
The DINKWAP Show
Rem: It's true, even heterosexual couples
Rem: are being told that they're not
Rem: complete or not a family
Rem: just because they don't have children.
Alvia: It's a good thing we got married
Alvia: so the questions are less now.
The DINKWAP Show
Rem: We want to clarify this, even this early.
Rem: Being a DINK is not an attack
Rem: on other couples' decision to have
Rem: children.
Rem: That's not it.
Rem: That's not what we're trying to point
Rem: out here.
Alvia: And we're not saying that that decision
Alvia: is better than others.
The DINKWAP Show
Dual Income
No Kids
With a Podcast
Rem: Hi guys and welcome to another episode
Rem: of The DINKWAP Show.
Rem: I'm Rem.
Alvia: I'm Alvia.
Rem: And the last episode, we talked about
Rem: adoption.
Rem: But before I go there,
Rem: we almost forgot a few more types of DINKs.
Rem: Because what we talked about in the past
Rem: few episodes is
Rem: DINKs who chose not to have
Rem: children.
Rem: So I think there's a couple more types
Rem: of DINKs
Rem: that we can talk about in this episode.
Rem: So the first one is
Rem: what about couples
Rem: who really want to have children but can't
Rem: have children?
Alvia: Yeah, that's it.
Alvia: So the most common, I would say, would
Alvia: be
Alvia: a married couple like us.
Alvia: Man, woman.
Alvia: And they try for a few years, sometimes
Alvia: more.
Alvia: I think now there are options.
Alvia: Science has helped, but it's expensive.
Alvia: And they're not 100% sure that they'll
Alvia: have children.
Alvia: So some have a few tries about it.
Alvia: And sometimes, they just don't succeed.
Alvia: We feel bad for those couples
Alvia: honestly.
Alvia: Especially since it's the common in the
Alvia: Philippines
Alvia: If you've been married for a long time,
Alvia: you're always asked, "When are you going
Alvia: to have children?"
Alvia: They're even going to comment
Alvia: on your couple photo,
Alvia: "only a child is missing"
Alvia: For us, it's a bit annoying
Alvia: because we choose not to.
Alvia: But if you've been trying and wanting a
Alvia: child
Alvia: and it doesn't happen for whatever
Alvia: reason,
Alvia: it's really painful.
Rem: We know people like that.
Rem: We know couples who've been through that.
Rem: Guys, it's heartbreaking.
Rem: They really want to have children.
Rem: But they don't get to.
Alvia: They're not given children.
Rem: Then they receive comments
Rem: on Facebook, with their family.
Rem: In person.
Rem: It's really insensitive.
Alvia: So don't be that toxic uncle or auntie.
Rem: Don't be like that.
Rem: Just...
Rem: I don't know.
Rem: Just let them be.
Rem: I don't know. Maybe it's their way of...
Rem: small talk?
Alvia: Find a different topic.
Rem: It's the same thing every time.
Rem: Every reunion.
Rem: It's reunion season in the past
Rem: holidays.
Rem: There's a lot of people who probably got hurt.
Rem: A lot of people fighting over family's estates.
Alvia: What was that again?
Alvia: Dividing property.
Rem: Yeah.
Rem: To those who watched Wicked.
Alvia: That's the Filipino version.
Rem: Filipino version of...
Rem: Defying Gravity.
Alvia: We're really smart. We can do this.
Rem: So...
Rem: The delivery was bad, but okay.
Alvia: I'm sorry.
Alvia: We butchered it.
Rem: We can't do stand-up.
Rem: But...
Rem: There's another one.
Alvia: Even less common.
Rem: Less common is...
Rem: the same-sex couples.
Rem: Of course...
Rem: Especially if...
Rem: they're both men.
Rem: Of course...
Rem: how can they have kids?
Rem: At least a woman can still conceive.
Alvia: The child can still be biological.
Rem: But...
Alvia: Men can also have surrogacy.
Rem: There's that option?
Alvia: Not here.
Alvia: The problem in the Philippines is...
Alvia: First, gay marriage is not legal yet.
Alvia: And I know that surrogacy is not legal
Alvia: yet.
Alvia: Something like that.
Alvia: Even if they want to adapt as a couple,
Alvia: I don't think it's possible because they
Alvia: don't recognize you.
Rem: Oh, I see.
Alvia: I don't know. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Rem: I hope it's possible.
Alvia: Maybe just for one. But if you're two, I don't
Alvia: think it's possible.
Rem: What do you mean just one?
Alvia: I mean, you can't be both the father.
Alvia: It can't be put in the birth certificate.
Alvia: Maybe. Again, I'm not a lawyer. I'm not
Alvia: from DPWH.
Rem: DPWH.
Alvia: But I know that. I mean, that makes
Alvia: sense because you can't...
Alvia: There's no space there. It's just Mother
Alvia: and Father in the birth certificate.
Rem: Just because the form can't be changed.
Alvia: I don't know. Again, I don't know. So I
Alvia: just feel like that.
Rem: I really feel like that's the reason.
Rem: They don't want to reprint.
Alvia: But I feel like that.
Rem: What should we do with this form?
Alvia: If marriage between two is not allowed,
Alvia: why would they allow it to be parents?
Rem: It's sad, right?
Alvia: Unless it's allowed. I don't know.
Alvia: Enlighten me.
Rem: If we have friends who watch this, they
Rem: know more about it.
Rem: There's a chance.
Alvia: I hope so.
Rem: But that's what I want to point out.
Rem: For example, we don't want to impose,
Rem: of course.
Rem: But if you're trying and it seems to be
Rem: impossible,
Rem: you could look into adoption.
Rem: We talked about that last episode.
Rem: Now, you said that same-sex couples who
Rem: are not legal here, it's a bit difficult.
Rem: I hope that even if it's not marriage,
Rem: they'll allow it.
Alvia: I know. For example, if you're a guy,
Alvia: you won't be recognized as family.
Alvia: Even if you've been together for a long
Alvia: time.
Alvia: That's what I know.
Rem: So sad.
Alvia: If we weren't married, we can be common
Alvia: law.
Alvia: You'll be a common law
Alvia: spouses.
Alvia: It's just sad.
Alvia: I hope that eventually.
Rem: Even if, like heterosexual couples, they're
Rem: still being told that they're not complete
Rem: or family,
Rem: when they don't have a child.
Alvia: It's good that we're married.
Alvia: So there are less questions now.
Rem: We got married because...
Rem: By law, there are things that...
Alvia: Oh, okay.
Alvia: Easier.
Rem: It's easier.
Rem: For example, if something happens to me,
Rem: they can easily transfer the properties to
Rem: you.
Alvia: And if you're in an emergency room, you
Alvia: won't be allowed in unless you're
Alvia: family.
Rem: Those practical things.
Alvia: It's weird.
Rem: It's so weird.
Rem: It hurts. You won't be allowed in
Rem: just because you're not married.
Rem: That's hard.
Alvia: So this episode turned sad.
Rem: The last episode was fun. Sorry, guys.
Alvia: So anyway, what else do we have?
Rem: Maybe, having said all these in the past
Rem: few episodes,
Rem: this will be the primer of DINKWAP Show.
Rem: That will be the theme of the whole
Rem: podcast.
Rem: And aside from this, of course, there
Rem: will be times that we will have life
Rem: updates.
Alvia: Friends.
Rem: Friends. Yes.
Rem: We will actually invite our friends over.
Rem: The ones who decided to be DINKs.
Alvia: Or just some friends.
Rem: Yes. And also just our friends.
Rem: We just have a common theme.
Rem: And of course, sometimes, there are
Rem: things that are not related to being a DINK.
Alvia: Just anything.
Rem: More about us. More about other people.
Rem: Maybe about business. The businessmen we
Rem: know.
Rem: How they started. We will interview them.
Rem: Because they have a lot of stories to
Rem: tell.
Rem: And these stories are very, very
Rem: valuable.
Rem: We learn from them.
Rem: And we really believe that those stories,
Rem: they should get recorded.
Rem: In one way or another.
Rem: Even if it's just here in our shenanigans.
Alvia: And we can share to our 10 listeners.
Rem: It would be a waste. Because when we talk to
Rem: them, it's nice to talk to them.
Rem: So that will be the content of our
Rem: podcast.
Rem: And really watch out for, especially for
Rem: DINK-curious.
Rem: There's a term for it.
Alvia: I just laughed at the term. I know. I
Alvia: just laughed.
Rem: You're judging me again.
Rem: That's how we are as a married couple.
Rem: We judge each other.
Alvia: Instead of pulling each other up
Rem: That's us. We're the couple that's
Rem: pulling each other down.
Rem: We're the epitome of the Philippine
Rem: society.
Alvia: Microcosm.
Alvia: Wow! Microcosm!
Alvia: Comeback!
Rem: When there's no more bearing.
Alvia: I want to share that.
Rem: But that's where I was surprised.
Rem: We realized that when we're building the
Rem: notion that we're DINKs, that's what it's
Rem: called.
Rem: Then we realized that we're not alone in
Rem: our circle.
Rem: And we want to clarify this.
Rem: Being a DINK is not an attack on other
Rem: couples' decision to have children.
Rem: That's not what we're trying to say here.
Alvia: And we're not saying that that decision
Alvia: is better than others.
Alvia: This lifestyle is not for everyone.
Rem: Yes.
Alvia: Maybe someday we change our minds.
Rem: Everything is still possible.
Rem: Maybe we'll regret everything we say here.
Alvia: We can delete this from the internet.
Rem: But we just want the stigmas around
Rem: being DINKs, adoption, and things like
Rem: that to go away.
Rem: We need to normalize that you have that
Rem: choice to actually have children or to
Rem: not have children.
Rem: That's on you as the couple.
Rem: Those who aren't involved in your relationship
Rem: shouldn't influence you.
Rem: You're having children because your
Rem: friends pressured you.
Alvia: Does that happen?
Alvia: I was about to say
Alvia: your aunt or your parents.
Rem: Or your aunts who only come home every
Rem: Christmas and pressure you.
Alvia: You're not even close.
Rem: They don't even give you presents.
Alvia: They give you chocolate and questions.
Rem: It should be normal.
Alvia: I read something online.
Alvia: It reached a point where she doesn't
Alvia: show up at social gatherings anymore.
Alvia: Because she's always being interrogated.
Alvia: They're finding it hard to have a baby.
Rem: Others choose to be snarky.
Rem: "Are you the one who'll pay for the child's education?"
Rem: "If you're going to pay for its education, I'll
Rem: have a baby."
Rem: Life is hard.
Alvia: Your brother told your mom, "We don't
Alvia: have a house yet."
Alvia: And then she tried to find them a house.
Rem: She really wants to have a grandchild.
Alvia: She found a way.
Rem: Actually, that nephew of mine is their
Rem: first grandchild.
Rem: They won't get any from us. Sorry,
Rem: guys.
Alvia: I used the reverse uno card with her.
Alvia: I told her, "your son is really hard to take care of."
Alvia: Reverse uno card.
Rem: Because I'm forever a baby.
Alvia: He's the only one.
Alvia: More than enough.
Alvia: Ehhhhhh.
Alvia: Annoying.
Rem: Anyway.
Alvia: What a senseless ending.
Rem: Let's end this.
Rem: Thank you for watching another episode
Rem: of the DINKWAP Show.
Alvia: Let's do this.
Rem: See you on the next episode.
Alvia: This is for the thumbnail.
Rem: Is it this one?
Alvia: Thank you!
Rem: I hope we have a guest on the next
Rem: episode.
Rem: Alright, bye!
You were listening to the DINKWAP Show.