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How to stop doubting yourself and trust the f**k up - a podcast about unbecoming all the things you thought you needed to be. Here’s to loving all parts of you & leaving NONE of you behind.
📍 Hello. Hello. Welcome to, I saw the sign You Have Me today, Fallon. I am solo. And so I'm gonna take you on a little bit of a journey of. My experience with navigating a deep childhood. Pattern of wanting to be chosen. So I'm gonna be sharing a lot of personal tidbits today, um, along with the wisdom that I've gleaned from them.
Also, the ways in which we operate from our pat, our childhood patterns and how we can grow through them, but how they might still continually show up, but who you are in them will shift and change and heal when you actually have the courage to face them. And remember that they are. A story that we created when we were little, that subconscious brain took that instance or many instances and created a story from it.
And it might be for you similar of like maybe you have this desire to really be chosen and claimed by a man, or maybe it's career, maybe it's money, maybe it's health, maybe it's um, love. Wherever you feel in your life isn't quite like, I don't know, clicking or in the past it seems like it has worked a lot, but it, it also didn't, so the way that it showed up in my twenties was I would get really lost in, in this feeling of not being fully chosen.
So that could mean. Uh, they choose to go out. Their friends, like my first husband, well, he's my only husband, um, who's no longer with us, but, um, he, we got married and it seemed great, and then all of a sudden he would be going out all the time with his friends and I would be, he would just leave me at home.
And he was in the army. And so I was just in another state all alone. An army wife, new to the gig, new to all of it. And he would constantly be flirting with other women, women. He would constantly be out with his friends. He, he didn't really claim or choose me. Right? And so, um, and I have other themes of that with boyfriends before, before him being ghosted, being told, you know, uh, you're so beautiful.
You're so amazing. And then, Being laughed. And so what it created was this theme that like, I'm never pretty enough or it doesn't actually matter how pretty I am. Um, nobody wants to stay with me. I'm not really worth it. I can, it it, and it's funny that it comes to, looks right, like that there's, there's a real, and it's okay because it can seem like vanity.
But if, especially in the society, we learn as little girls how important our looks are in the world. And I mean, I think, I'm sure boys do too, but I can only speak to my own experience. So it was like, I'm not pretty enough or I'm not pretty enough to keep them to stay or I'm not. Um, it was never smart enough.
It was just like, I'm just. Who I am isn't enough for them to continually choose me. And so then it kind of led into this relationship where I was really love bombed and like, how could anybody ever treat you like that? You're incredible. You changed everybody's life for the positive. You're such a breath of fresh air.
Like a lot of love bombing, A lot of like everything I had ever longed to hear from a man along with the safety. You know, I'm quote unquote safety cuz it wasn't actually safe, but it felt. Like he is choosing me and he's choosing me loudly. He is like posting about me online, right? Like Facebook's big at this time.
And um, this was about 10, 10 years ago, not quite 9, 8, 9 years ago. And really being love bombed. And it was like, oh my gosh. And he wanted to be with me all the time. And it was like, oh yes, I'm finally chosen. I'm finally safe until the unraveling that I wasn't and the love bombing turned into. Other things that resulted in me walking on eggshells and really dimming my light and putting on weight to emotionally protect myself really is what it what it was.
But so this wound came up again, and so I've done so much healing. So much healing that. Last year I was in a, a relationship for about five months and it was the healthiest relating I had ever experienced. Very calm and steady man. Um, and yeah, it was just, it was like, oh, okay, this does exist. And it was evidence for me of like how far I have come in my healing journey to be able to receive a healthy masculine.
That is so self-aware, there's no toxic patterns. There's a willingness to work on himself. Right? So, um, but in that process and through, through the process of us deciding to not be together, uh, which was very aligned and it's still very sad and all those things at the time, right. Is this wound came up again of, oh my God, I am not chosen.
Um, And I really had to look at. I really got to look at my daddy issues in a deeper way, but this time it wasn't from being in trauma. So I want to share with you, a lot of times our wounds come up because we're re-traumatized with them. And so the ways that I related to this PA pattern in my twenties and even thirties when I'd get really lost in it, it, it felt like it was real.
It felt like. I had no awareness that there was actually just some, a wound that was hit that was like I was spinning out. I would spin the fuck out. And for me, that looked like getting hyper emotional. And I don't wanna make that bad because I'm also a very emotional and very sensitive person. But it was, there was no.
There was no awareness or container to it that was like, Hey, we're in a trauma response right now. So the emotions are really big. The wound was hit. It was just like, that was my reality. My world was crumbling. Holy fuck, what am I gonna do now? This is happening again. How come he never chooses me? He's always coming.
Right? It was like I would spin out, and so this time when this wound was hit, it was this awareness. And so I wanna remind you too, when we're healing on the healing journey, we spiral up. So my twenties, I'm at the bottom of a spiral, right? And I'm, I'm cir and I'm getting lost in the wound as if it is the only reality that exists.
And then now through all the work that I've done and will continue to do, the thing is the wound's not gonna go away. But the way that I am able to hold the wound, Move with it, let it move through me without it defining me, wi reminding myself that what it feels like isn't true. That is different. That is liberation because we think that when we heal, the wound totally goes away.
It doesn't, we just relate to it differently. So now the wound came up and woo, I was in it. I was in it. It was like, how? Right. It was just, it was a lot. But with the awareness that I was in it, with the awareness that like, I don't need to spin out about this, but I'm certainly going to embody the sacred anger that I have to my dad of like, if you would've just fucking chosen me once, how could I have saved myself from all this pain?
Right? Like that was real. But also with the awareness behind the emotion that like it's also mine, not mine, in a heavy way, not mine, because I have to do this alone, not mine, because I'm the O, because I fucked up somehow. But mine, because it lives within me, it doesn't live within anybody else. And so, so I, you know, I've spiraled up from my, from my twenties on this healing journey.
And so I'm able to access the wound actually at deeper layers than I ever have because I'm so safe, and I know, and I feel in my nervous system on my body, I'm so safe to go deeper into it because I know I won't get lost in it. So a lot of times we feel like we're gonna get lost in this shit, and now when the shit comes up, I'm like, Ooh, I've been saying this for years, since like 20 16, 20 17, I'm being fertilized again.
At this new level. And so also I'm the, the emotions around the wound only hung out for a couple days. They didn't hang out for weeks. I didn't, I didn't lose sleep over them in the sense of like trying to solve them in my head. And that's the beautiful thing about when you actually go into the wound, into the pattern.
You then are really seeing yourself, you're, you have courage to see yourself, and that seeing yourself might end up, meaning that you're on the floor in fetal position, crying, bawling your eyes out because it hurts so bad to feel this. And if you're not ready for that, hire somebody to walk you through that.
Don't do that alone if you're unsure, if you're not, if you're not yet able to trust yourself in those spaces. I, I can, I've, I've done this, this work so much that I can take myself really deep and trust me to go there because I know that I'll come back out and won't run from the pain, but also won't let it define and hold me under because it doesn't have to.
So, um,
re I wanna remind you too that we, we attract what we actually feel. And familiar in. And so as I'm ch you know, as I was choosing men or desiring to be chosen, there was always this feeling of, I just wanna be wanted. And I say that because it wasn't a conscious. Thought. It wasn't like I was out there like I just wanna be wanted, so let's you know where they at it.
It was very subtle and, and the subconscious brain works in subtleties like that. You can pick up on the patterns. It's not totally in the darkness, but it's very subtle. It's very subtle energy. It's very sneaky energy. And not sneaky because it's bad. Sneaky because it's scared. It's scared that if it's found out it won't work anymore.
And that's actually the truth is it won't. So, I have also since partner, since separating from my last partner, the real healthy relationship. I've also not dated and the reason I haven't, and it took me a little bit to identify why and because I was really unattached to finding why, but it was, um, I had the intuition just, it's not time, it's not time to date, don't get on the dating apps.
It's not, it's not time. It's not time. It's like, okay. But I was like, ah, why? Like, it would also kind of be nice to just be taken out. Like I don't wanna, you know, I'm very clear. Like I don't want a relationship. I don't want that focus. Which was actually a big reason why my last partnership ended was, was I just didn't wanna put in the work in a relationship yet.
Very clear on that. I want to put the work on my work in the world, my dreams and my daughter and, you know, all of. No one's not more than the other. It's all, uh, motherhood's highest priority of my life. But also so is my life and my dreams as well. I'm not gonna put those on the back burner because I'm a mother.
So it's a lot of, you know, creating harmony, a k a balance and all of it. And what came through as I was going deeper into my wound this past few weeks, um, was. The reason I'm not, my intuition said it's not time to date yet is because I would still be operating from the subtle energy of I want to be wanted.
I want to remember that men find me attractive. I want to remember that I'm sexy. I want to remember that I'm charming and witty and funny, and people find me those things. And it was like, oh, so always trusting the wisdom of the body, even when you don't know why is so important because. There's, there's always gonna be the wisdom of the body and then the subconscious patterns of the body.
And you can feel the difference cuz one will feel a little bit like you're forcing through and one will feel like this doesn't make sense, but it actually just feels true. So if I would've started to date, it wouldn't have been bad or wrong. You can't fuck this up. So don't make yourself bad or wrong if you win against your intuition.
I would've just been forcing something from an old pattern and the universe, God loves me so much that it probably he would've given me an opportunity to fucking. The same thing again, right? And so we always get the opportunity to see who we are, to see the world in which we're co-creating. Through our deeper belief systems.
So I, I could have dated and I could have either gotten the validation of like, oh, yep, men do still want me, and they still think I'm pretty and charming and funny and intelligent and all the things. But it would've ended up being very similar probably to my last. Relationship, like it would've been healthier than any of my other ones.
Sure, because I'm no longer, my energy is actually no longer available for toxicity. I have moved so far from that that that can't even come into my field or when, and if it does, I'm able to see it. And really move it and out, out of my field. Um, it's like somebody equated the same thing when you heal these patterns.
It's like when you're on a really healthy diet and then you go and you eat a cheeseburger and french fries, the greasiest kind, your stomach is like, oh God, why do we do that? It's the same thing when you're healing these, these childhood patterns and how they're showing up in relationships and they might be showing up.
In lack of relationships, you're your subconscious belief that you're not worthy of a relationship, um, or a good man or money of abundance and overflow of, you know, so they're showing up in all kinds of ways, uh, and you can see how they're showing up by what is in your. Reality, your field as I call it, and what is not in your reality in your field, what is here and what is not yet here that you've been like, I'd really fucking love to have that.
I'd like to experience that. Um, so,
so moving through, I recognize like, ooh, if I started to date, I would want, it was coming from wanting to be wanted. And, and so right here is where. I put my hand on myself, just an area of my body. I'm like, oh, of course we do, because ultimately that feeling is that little Fallon is that little you. It's like, I just wanna be loved.
I just wanna be wanted, I wanna be, I wanna feel, right, like, insert whatever feeling you're searching for and you pause and breathe into that. That is how we start to disrupt the pattern, is by actually going into seeing it, going into feeling it, going into touching it. It's like, of course, of course Little Fallon.
Of course, of fucking course. I wanna be wanted, but I already am because God wants me or I wouldn't be here. Or I, I mean, I don't mean like on earth, I just mean this awareness of my existence and I want me, nobody else really needs, there's really anybody else that does or doesn't want me. Is about who they are, their beliefs, their projections, their expectations.
It's not really about me anyways. And so as this wound came up and it came up from kind of a, just a reconciliate, not even a reconciliation, but just like my last relationship, we, uh, we met up Mr. B, he was in my stories. If you guys followed me on Instagram, Mr. B, um, we met up for lunch and we talked and.
It, uh, was really beautiful and great, and just, you know, really navigating a friendship from here and what does that look like and feel like. And, um, but it was in that conversation that I, that it brought, it brought everything up that I, I left and I was like, fuck, this sucks. Um, but also it's really beautiful because what I wanna remind you too is the stuff that other people activate in you, and you'll also hear the other word trigger.
The other, when your nervous system has a response to somebody, it is actually not about them. So everything that I was experiencing from having lunch with Mr. B was not about Mr. B even a little bit. It was about me. Um, it was about my staff that needed tender, tenderness and more love. But what was so beautiful about it that I wanna leave you with in this conversation, and I'm sure I'm not done cause.
I'm a talker. Is that through the entire conversation with him? My heart was entirely open, and it wasn't because I forced it to be open. It was because it just was. And it's because I'm, I'm able to keep my heart open without having to think or try. And I was, and maybe not all day, every day, but that day it really was because I'm so safe within myself to experience whatever the fuck comes up.
And so as he's telling me things and as we're talking, I'm experiencing, right? So, um, you might have, have had this experience. You're having a conversation with somebody in person, but then there's also this internal dialogue that's happening. Right. And it's being aware of the in internal dialogue is that, is that is the who you are being, that is where the beliefs are coming up to get your attention.
So every time that would come up of like, oh, see, again, he's not choosing you. Oh, see, see, when he, when in the relationship when he did this. Yep. And now, now he fixed it. Now he healed it. And like, It's like I, I wrapped it in love and I dropped it into my womb. Dropped it into my pussy. Or you can give it, like Abby says too, and I've done this too, is you drop it into Mother Earth, wrap the energy and drop it.
Not dropping it because you don't care, but dropping it because it gets to be alchemized in the moment. It gets to be held and seen in the moment. It doesn't have to take over your thoughts and your body so that you can't be present to the conversation. And the thing about keeping your heart open, Is that you get to experience the full spectrum of life.
And I'll tell you, it is colorful when you keep your heart open. Colors are brighter and it doesn't protect you from the pain, but it also. Lets you experience more of the joy and the fulfillment and the satisfaction and the magic and the delight that life has to offer. And so I, the, the tangible ways in which I kept my heart open were, I was very transparent.
Uh, you know, normally if you're meeting with an ex lover, You are going to protect and shield and guard and pretend that like you're not as affected as you are or whatever. Right? And so I was just very honest. I was like, I've missed you. You know, there were some things that happened in the last couple months that I really, I wanted to call you and I wanted to reach out and be held right.
And, um, so I. I wasn't guarding. And, and so in our conversation, he is in a new relationship, which is amazing and great. And also, of course there's a part of me that's like, fuck, right? Like out. Um, and actually there was other threads in that that were far more painful than him moving on. But I share that because you get to move that energy, you get to drop.
In a way that's remind it. It's just reminding you that it's not, has nothing to do with you. None of this had anything to do with me. I just got to see my wounds in real time, but keeping my heart open to it. As I said, I was just transparent in the conversation. I didn't guard myself. I didn't pretend that I wasn't feeling what I was feeling.
I didn't. Let my ego go first and be like, I don't fucking care. Like, you know, like there was no pretending that I didn't care and then shoving that down. It was just being really present to it all. And not that I, you know, um, shared all of my internal dialogue with him, but I didn't make him bad or wrong for.
Maybe not showing up in the relationship in ways that would've felt great and supportive and loving and, and him ultimately choosing me. Because what I also learned in it is that I associate with, I associate being chosen with somebody doing their work. So if a man is doing their inner work, I feel chosen.
And if he is not, I don't, so that is up to me to unravel. And there's also some truth to that. I mean, there is, because when we're doing our inner work, we're actually choosing ourself. And when we're choosing ourself, we're able to choose others. So while there's a pure truth in it, there was also a wounded truth in it.
And so through this process, we get to see when we're operating from the wounded, We're the pure truth. Is this coming from my wounds and my beliefs about what those, the, the beliefs that came from those wounds? Or is this actually the pure truth that feels like, you know, God presence or universal presence moving through me, source moving through me, moving in my body, being in my body, and a lot of times the pure truth.
Doesn't feel easy. What's going to feel easy is the familiar and the familiar is in the patterns. Your brain, your, your subconscious brain, your brain in general just likes patterns. It likes to move with that. It likes to move with what's familiar. So it's always gonna be putting you in positions to choose the familiar.
And in order to sh to to shift things, you've gotta choose the unfamiliar, the unfamiliar thought, um, that you can get behind. And so, I wanna remind you too, that anytime you're moving with a pattern, right, like wanting to be chosen, I just wanna be loved, I wanna be chosen, I wanna be claimed I, right?
Scarcity is a pattern. Like all of that. Don't make yourself bad or wrong in how you feel. Really honor it. Respect it by breathing into it, going in and taking time to cry, to grieve, to sacred rage, if that's what resonates or dance or. Go on a walk I something that to let yourself embody the emotion in your journal.
Maybe you write a fuck you letter. I have my clients do that all the time. You pull out your journal and you write fuck you, letter to somebody. All the ugly things that you can never imagine yourself saying out loud. Say them in a letter or go into an empty room by yourself or in your car. Turn up the music and say it.
Fuck you, dad. For never choosing me, and now I fucking chose all these goddamn toxic men, right? To prove to myself that I was still never gonna be chosen. Right? Like, it's like you've got to get in this sacred rage and move the energy, but with the consciousness is that's what you're doing. It's not because it's real or it's really a fuck you letter, because you wanna say those things to that person, but it's what's living inside of you.
So giving. And reverence to that. So then it doesn't have to keep living inside of you, right? It's living in your body. It's an actual energy living in your body. So moving with it, and this is what I specialize in with my clients. This is what we move through. And when we move through what's living in our body, that feels dense, we create space for the new to come in, the lightness, the health.
We go from dise to ease. We go from scarcity into abundance. We go from believing that love may never find us, or believing that money and abundance and success will never find us into actually experiencing the journey in which it's here. And it was here all along. We just may not. Have been able to be open to receive it because we were holding onto the density because we were so afraid to go into the wound to let it open up and bleed and let it air out.
Cuz the airing out process, we don't know how long it's gonna take for this wound to air out. But I promise you, you are safe in that. And if you don't feel safe, work with me. Work with somebody that can guide you through how to really anchor in safety in the nervous system, safety in the body to feel your stuff and not also receive more of what you desire, what you want, what you feel, what your dreams are.
And I also wanna remind you that you're not a victim of your beliefs. You are not a victim either. You're not bad or wrong in how you feel, but you are not a victim of what you develop. In your head and in your body? As a young girl not being chosen, my dad abandoning me. I'm also not a victim of that.
Does it feel like shit? Yeah. Sometimes bigger than others. Does it activate me as much now? No. Like I said, now I'm able to talk to my dad and we text and we catch up and I sent him pictures and I can do that. With an open heart and no expectations of who I need him to be. For me. I don't need him to be anybody other than who he is now.
And can I tell you, if I could go back, Ooh, man, I'm experiencing emotion with this. If I could go back and tell 25 year old Fallon, there's gonna come a day when you're not gonna need what you think you need from your. Can I, can I tell you what a gift that is? To feel that lightness, that like what I think I need from him to feel whole, to feel chosen, to feel loved, to feel claimed, to feel safe in the masculine what I thought I needed.
I no longer need, and not because I don't need things or because needing is bad, but because I'm not relating to the wound. I'm able to tend to the wound. Um, so while it is hurtful that that happened, sure. And that hurt, I will probably often revisit. And when I'm in another relationship and my king comes along, he's gonna activate all this stuff again.
But you know what? I am safe with myself. I am safe with God to feel it and go into it and then spiral up even. And see the wisdom, and glean the wisdom in that and choosing to not operate from the pattern of I'm gonna date so I can remember that I'm wanted. No, I'm actually gonna stand for myself. I'm going to stand for myself because I wanna share with you too, personally as I'm closing this out.
Another pattern of mine, very subconsciously now, it's way more conscious in the last two years, is I tend to attract men who are in relationship so, It's funny cuz I, I can feel like bits of shame come up when I'm telling you this. They're very small. They're like little morsels of like, you should, you shouldn't even be admitting this to anybody.
Um, and it's not that like I men cheat or anything, like, and I would never, that's not something that I'm, I'm even open to, but men will come into my inbox who might be in relationship and. Start to flirt a little bit or slowly over time amplify their comments to my pictures or my posts or things that I say.
Right? And so, um, and it doesn't happen a lot, but it has happened and, and I really had to look at this pattern of like, okay, why am I now attracting men who are in relat. Right. And it's like, it's kind of alleviating this wanting to be wanted, but not so much that it really crosses any lines. But also that's kind of blurry, right?
Like if I was the other woman, I don't know that I would want that to be happening. Um, and acknowledging that, right? So what I recognized as I sat with myself and watched. And really took responsibility cuz it's not just happening by accident. This is not an accident. This is happening. Was that in a fucked up way?
God bless myself. I was being chosen, but I was not being chosen so much that they could actually leave me. So if a man comes into my field that is in relationship. Right. Has a girlfriend and is kind of flirting with me on a weird level. He's choosing me over another woman. Cuz going back to the pattern, my dad has also been married nine times.
He chose women over me constantly. He never actually chose his daughter. He chose his, his multiple wives, many women over me. And so, So I played this out too with like, okay, I'm kind of being chosen over another woman, right? If, if these men are coming in that are taken, but I'm also safe because they can actually never leave me.
If they're in a partnership and they're kind of flirting with me, they're kind of choosing me, but it's also not enough to cross any lines to where I would feel like. Oh my gosh, he's cheating. Or now I'm in a relationship. It's never gets to that point. It's just like, like little flirtatious conversations, but it's also, he can't actually leave me, and so this is where we have to stand for ourselves.
Meaning when these patterns come up, you have got to choose consciously of like, am I going to operate in it again or not? And I will tell you it's gonna be harder not to. You're going to have to work to acknowledge like, oh, I'm trying to subtly reach out here to pull energy from somebody to get a temporary hit, essentially of dopamine or oxytocin, to feel like I'm valid and worthy and deserving of love, of recognition, of whatever it is.
And you also gotta stand for yourself. So for me, I stand for myself that no longer will I engage in any kind of conversation that is beyond just cordial friendship. If a man comes into my field as in a relationship or even a situation ship that I know about that he doesn't actually get to access to any of my energy anymore, that I no longer.
Am the woman who on some subtle level, still wants to know that she's desired. So I'll engage in weird, like little sneaky ways, right? Sneaky being not conscious, not sneaky, because I'm bad, sneaky because it was a part of me that I couldn't see until now, until you know, the last few weeks. So standing for myself looks like pulling my energy.
Because I honor me because if a man is going to come into my field, he is going to have space for me to be in his, because he's already anticipating room for his queen, right? And that is what I'm gonna stand for. And that is going to, and I'm probably going to be tested over and over and over, potentially.
Um, but it's really honoring that like my energy is valuable. My magic. I'm often told that I'm intoxicating, but that is mine and I will share it with you when you're worthy of receiving it, when you're right, when you, when you have proven that you are a man that can hold it also. Cause that is a whole other conversation.
So stand for yourself. So where do you need to stand for yourself? What is coming up for you Now, maybe it's also like another place that I'm standing for myself is I'm standing for my. I'm opted. I'm opting out of dating because I wanna pu push, not even push, but I want my energy focus to be in building my dreams.
I've built two men's careers and businesses. I'm now blessed my sweet self. I'm now building my own all on my own. And not because I need to be hyper independent at all. It has nothing to do with this hyper independence. I'm actually very much in my feminine and trusting that as well. But it's also because I deserve it and I finally feel worthy of it.
And I'm really excited to see what it yields, um, as it's already yielding so much, just moving my energy. And so, um, so that's where I'm standing for myself and standing for myself too. Being my soft, sensitive self and that that gets to be okay and loved and honored and all of that. So when you feel your feelings, it is not backward movement.
It might feel like you're moving backwards when a wound comes up and you decide to actually sit with it and hold it differently. And I want you to picture holding it like a baby because that's what it is. Your wound is an internal space and energy of what was really once a little version of you. And so holding it and, um, get support.
Have someone walk you through it that's been through it. Guide, like have a guide, have a coach, have a healer, hire a therapist, somebody, have somebody also somatics, like doing somatic work, which is the actual feeling and movement of the body, not just talking about it, but uh, giving you tools to move the energy in a different way and create new belief systems that you can actually feel that's true in your body.
Um, and then the last thing I wanna leave you with too is that when this stuff comes up, you are safe to feel duality. So the one thing that I kept saying was like, why is this coming up now? I have been feeling so good. Life has been so magical. I've been feeling so good. I'm, and then I was reminded in myself as I was in embodiment work was that, I get to still feel good and keep the wound open.
I don't have to try to hurry, bandage up the wound to feel better. I can actually heal and let this wound air out as I get myself dressed and I put on makeup and I'm, I go be social. Because when you can do it from a conscious energy space of, I'm not out running myself, I'm not abandoning myself, but I also feel there's a part of me that does still feel excited by life or not excited, but I wanna go be social.
You don't ha you can bring the wound with you. You get to hold the duality. You are capable. You do it every day, whether you realize it or not. Now we're just doing it consciously. So when this wound was, was really heightened recently, I. Was in it, and I bawled my eyes out and I cried and I screamed and I was mad.
And, and all of that with the conscious space of like, Ooh, I am healing this at the deep, deepest level that I probably ever have. And you know what? I also have this event today. Have an appointment today. And so I just sat and I told the wound, the little me stay open. You get to breathe like, right, like when we actually have a cut.
Sometimes trying to bande it up actually makes it potentially get infected with the moisture and like trying to cover it. Sometimes we've gotta just let it open and let it breathe and let it bleed, and I'm responsible for my bleeding, right? Like I'm not taking it out and bleeding all over everybody, but I'm letting it do what it needs to do while also holding.
The other side that it feels good to go see my friends, even if I don't talk about what I'm experiencing, even if I don't talk about my wound, cuz it might be that I'm in a friend group that like they don't know me like that. It might be more of an acquaintance group that I can hold myself in both. And you can hold yourself in both.
You can put on the sexiest outfit what, even if that means not sweatpants at the time. Cuz sometimes we can feel sexy as fucking sweatpants and I can go out, but I don't have to close up the. To show up for my life, either it gets to be there with me, but also it doesn't mean it always has to be the leading energy.
So sometimes what you might need to do is love on it, keep the wound open and tuck it in the car seat and buckle it up and be like, you're coming with me and I love you and I got you, but Mom was driving and let the woman in you. Let the woman in you who is healing or has healed a lot and is the, the, the woman is the wisdom, right?
The woman is the power. The woman is the, the, the oracle, the one that has faith, even when she can't see the steps ahead because she's, she knows she's got herself. You let the woman drive. The wound does not need to drive anymore. We're not driving, like the wounds are not driving the car. And that's also the difference from my twenties through my thirties and my forties, is that the wound used to drive the car and man, we used to run into all kinds of shit and it was like bumper cars out there and now the woman drives the car and it is this beautiful scenic highway with water.
On the side and butterflies and beautiful cardinals that float by as I drive and a perfect temperature and the sun warming my skin, but I'm not too hot. And sure the patterns are there, but they are not driving. And life is beautiful when I'm writing all of it in this way and learning that it's okay to have your heart open.
You do not have to do it from a guarded space. And so I wanna leave you with something that I wrote and it's in, it's on my Instagram and uh, Facebook as well. But come back to your body. Hold yourself not from being too guarded, but from honest reverence for who the fuck you are as a gorgeous temple of divine nectar for all who get to be in your field.
And my loves really let that land that you can keep your heart open. You can come back to your body. You can come back and hold yourself, have the boundaries, but not from being so guarded that you don't enjoy the full spectrum of life, the full color of life from an open heart. And remembering that you really are a gorgeous temple.
You hold divine nectar. You hold divine goodness. You hold divine intelligence, you hold divine love, you hold divine purity, and let that be your guiding light. Let that be the guide. Let that be your nourishment, and let that nourish your life. I love you. Leave none of you behind. I'm also going to leave in the show notes one of.
My powerful, it's a two day course, but it's all somatic work, so I'll leave the link there if you wanna check it out. It's called, um, what is it called? Soaked. Oh my gosh, that's so funny. I just forgot the name. It'll be in the show notes, but it's two short classes. You do them back to back, so day one and day two.
But I guide you through the movements you need to release and then receive, uh, soaked and secure. That's what it's called. I love you, please. If you haven't taken the time yet to rate the show, review the show for Abby and I, this is how we get it in front of more people. This is how the work in the world gets seen, and if it's really resonated with you, this is how you also gift it to the world to really become safe in your and their 📍 authenticity, which is all we ever want from people in ourselves.
So I love you. I'll see you next week.