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Conversations With Thomas is a podcast where humor, heart, and a touch of sass collide. Hosted by Thomas Kevin Dolan, each episode explores raw, real topics like self-compassion, healing, and the delightful mess of being human. As the seventh of ten kids, Thomas didn’t always have a voice—now he’s sharing it with you, and trust us, you’ll want to hear this.
Expect vulnerability, laughs, and thought-provoking questions that dive into subjects most people avoid (because, let's face it, some topics just need to be tackled). With a mix of wit and wisdom, Thomas takes you on a journey where you might cry, you might laugh, and you’ll definitely feel a little more connected to yourself and the world.
New episodes drop every 2nd and 4th Monday. Tune in for a dose of honesty, heart, and just the right amount of quirky.
Hello and welcome. My name is Thomas. My pronouns are he and him James Naysmith
shares this wisdom our history begins before we were born We represent the hereditary
influences of our race and our ancestors virtually live in us We are a part of a
lineage. I am a part of a lineage. You are a part of a limit lineage, a stream
of intention and creation whose fountain springs literally from our ancestors. Their
lives have been lived and completed with a beginning, middle, end, and yet something
of them lives within each of us. I feel compelled to include my ancestors,
my badass ancestors, as subject matter for this podcast, and in doing so, I'm
inviting you to call your ancestors as well, call them forward to listen with you
today. Their forces have had a hand in shaping us. It's a beautiful idea to see
ourselves as a stream, as a lineage, and important to remember and honor those who
came before us. Growing up in a turbulent and violent family, where it seemed no
one was there to calm the storm or put out the fires, I often silently asked, as
best an elementary school -aged boy could, for my ancestors to protect me and my
four other young siblings. I remember two distinct times when it felt like a miracle
had happened. I'll share one of them here. My father was alcoholic and violent.
Oftentimes, Mom was his target, although my older brothers felt his wrath as well.
Part of my dad's routine was to play his records while drunk very loudly. It's one
of the reasons loud noises disturbed my soul to this day. One of his favorite Bing
Crosby albums had been badly scratched. I often think it was done on purpose to get
back at him. On this occasion, it's the late 1960s with only us kids at home and
no one to protect mom, when I watched dad stagger across the field towards home. I
had this foreboding feeling he'd want to place that scratched record album.
I thought he would want to play it. All hell would break loose if he played it
and discovered it was damaged. In a fit of terror now tucked into my bunk bed.
I began to ask my big sister. Her name was Dorothy, and she had lived only five
days as my parents' first child. I had heard stories, painful stories from both my
parents about their first daughter. All I can remember was asking Dorothy to please,
please, please make the record player not work. The record player was one of my
dad's prized possessions, and it always worked. His entrance into the house was loud.
I heard Mom asked him if he wanted coffee. He mumbled something, and all I heard
was the percolator beginning to burble. Perhaps tonight would be calm. With a loud
pronouncement, Dad felt our tiny house needed to be filled with music. My DNA can
still remember the fear that came over me as I heard him rummaging through his
stack of albums. My little voice again pleaded with my dead sister for help. The
house felt quiet.
As a way to protect myself, I think I fell asleep. My little eyes opened up in
the morning, which surprised me because dad's violence was often something that
awakened all of us kids. The living room weak to beer, mom was quietly putzing in
the kitchen. I noticed the lid on the record player was open, and an album laid
across its cover. A very unusual scene, given the care Dad had for his music.
We Dolan kids, the five little ones, never asked questions. And this occasion was no
different. All I do remember, since it was the first time I called on my sister,
my ancestor for help, Was mom saying something along the lines? That bastard tried
to play album after album last night. More fucking ding Crosby. And for some reason,
the record player wouldn't work. He got frustrated and passed out on the sofa. I
didn't flinch. But I do remember a huge surge of energy passed through me. There
was no one to tell the story to. So I said nothing. This is the first time I've
ever shared this story. So to bring the focus back to today, there is no doubt
about it. We are living in scary, unstable, and challenging times. The global
consciousness, and this isn't news to you, is steaming with fear, discomfort, pain,
suffering, and to juxtapose it, there's also hope and visions for the future.
The big question, at least one of them, where do we focus our attention and
intentions? Will we allow ourselves to be dragged down? Or will we rise up and
overcome? When I feel weak or fearful, especially about current events,
I think about my own ancestors, who overcame great challenges, oppressive regimes,
world wars, the Great Depression, as well as their own personal challenges.
My ancestors came to Canada from Scotland and Ireland, oceans away. They dreamed of
a new life and opportunities in a far off land. They held those visions,
trusting they could make it. They believed that once they arrived, they would find
work, make a new life, and raise their families. Today, not unlike our ancestors,
we find ourselves on the precipice of great and awe -inspiring change, epic upheaval,
the likes we have not seen in a long time. The Peruvian shamans call it pachakute,
a great overturning, a reset. Remember the pandemic? That one left none of us
untouched. Climate change threatens the existence of our life. Society and political
or societal and political division. Injustice, racism, homophobia,
transphobia, discriminatory actions, white supremacy. Each of these issues individually
is serious enough. Together, they create a perfect storm. Although I can be
challenged to remember. We are one. Therefore, what affects all of us?
Therefore, what affects one of us affects all of us. We must challenge all of the
systems and structures that have been in place for eons. On some level, they are no
longer working and have not worked for all of the people and all life on earth for
a very long time. All is combined can feel overwhelming. Hell, it is overwhelming.
Due to past trauma, many of us feel overwhelmed with emotions and adversity, causing
us to freeze and feel helpless or powerless. I can certainly feel that way at
times. Fear literally lowers my energetic vibration. It reduces my immune system in
order to help myself and my community. I must rise up to the higher vibrations of
joy peace harmony love and perhaps hope Sometimes I think I have to do this all by
myself and the load feels heavy But then I remember I'm not alone There was always
help both in the physical and the spiritual realms my small inner circle is there
to help me It reminds me I'm not alone And then I remember we're not being asked
to do anything more challenging. I remember I'm not being asked to do anything more
challenging or more difficult than my lineage than my ancestors did. This is why
commitment to spiritual practices, prayer, meditation, or a host of other spiritually
motivated practices are so important and powerful. Shaman's not only pray to great
spirit, they also call upon the ancestors and the spirits to assist them in the
present. They know the ancestors are willing to help. They know that is true.
And of course, what do they do? They ask.
We live in a free will zone. So we must ask for help from our ancestors or anyone
we want to access. In writing my memoir, I called on my ancestors to support me.
I could feel them with every page I completed. Because, of course, I wanted their
help because the times I was writing about,
many of them had more information than I had.
With every page I completed, I could feel their presence.
And through asking,
it allowed me the ability to tap into the power, the fortitude, the grit,
determination, and the vision that they actually possessed at one point in time. And
I remember and I remind you, our ancestors love us. They are our people.
They are your people. They share your DNA, they share my DNA, I share their DNA.
And we have a direct connection to them. In fact, they are the reason you're you're
here. They walked this earth and they can help you on your life journey.
Here's how I tap into my ancestral strength.
I take a moment to open what I call a sacred space. I begin to call on an energy
from the universe, the divine God, whatever you want to call it. I call on guides.
I have no idea who they are. I call on guardians, I have no idea who they are. I
call on angels. And then I call forth. I ask my ancestors,
those strong, formidable souls who crossed oceans on faith of fighting a new life in
a new world. I call on them to support me. I call on them to help me.
I call on them to give me information. And reminded, They didn't have anything to
go on. They did not have the resources or technology. I have today Yet they stepped
forward in faith and made it happen And isn't this true?
I am you are Proof of that. I am and you are a walking We're walking talking
proofs of their faith and determination of their formidable will Included in my
prayers of gratitude for the help I get from my ancestors, I also am so aware that
this ancestral support, this lineage of support that I constantly call upon is there
for me. My job is to ask. I've asked my ancestors, "What is the next best thing
for me to do, both in my personal life and about the things that concern me?" More
specifically, I asked ancestors whether I took a football scholarship when I was
younger. I asked ancestors if the relationship that I had created in 2009 with my
now husband, I asked them in a really playful way, "Is this the man for me?" I've
asked my ancestors about movement in my life regarding my career. I've asked
ancestors for some strength when I'm screwed up. I pray. I ask for help,
I ask for guidance, I ask for what I need, and of course I do this daily.
My job is to listen. My job is to notice the signs that may come from my
ancestors and always give gratitude for their nudges, which come in dreams through
information from other people, clues, hints related to how I actually move in the
world. My job is to become a watcher, a listener, a feeler once I make those
requests for my ancestors. Long ago, well in university, I remember wondering how
best to support my dad. We had been estranged and I remember asking my grandma in
thought, maybe prayer, how I could best help him, her son. I woke up crying the
next morning. My grandmother had appeared in a dream and very clearly told me to
call my dad. I remember saying, "He needs to hear from his son." I eventually
reached my dad and said, "Hi dad, sorry for not being in touch.
How are you?" My dad hesitated and for some reason I felt compelled to tell him
that grandma appeared in my dream and told me to call him So, I could actually
take him out for lunch. I continued to yammer on nervous, because there was some
dead air that I felt I needed to fill. And I said, "I haven't seen Grandma for a
bit, and love that she was in my dream. I'm looking forward to seeing her soon."
Dad quickly interjected, "Son, Grandma died last night.
I'm actually just heading to the funeral.
How do Ancestors guide us we're
calling an ancestor's character can help you ask them What would you do in this
situation? I'm facing The answers may give insight and comfort again your job is to
listen Ancestors that you know of who didn't act well or exhibited destructive
behavior in their lifetimes may give you a sense of what not to do when dealing
with life's challenges. The lesson of their life experience is so valuable because it
provides knowledge of the consequences of bad decision -making. The references of both
types of behavior can assist you in making good decisions. And finally, the use of
information from your ancestors is good, but you must be the navigator of your
life's directions. The traits they exhibited are with adopting, so their goodness will
continue to transcend time.
I think we're being given a great opportunity, as the Shaman say, to dream our
world into being, to clear out all that has not worked and create what will work
for us for the greater good. I'll Closed by sharing a story from my memoir,
Little Fag, a story of self -acceptance and healing, I went to see dad, a spiritual
medium. Excuse me, I went to see David who was a spiritual medium so I could
better understand my family and myself. I asked David if I could bring along some
pictures of some folks that were important to me and he actually said, Thomas, I
really wanted to ask you to bring them with you. One of them was my grandma, my
dad's mom. She had died years prior to this meeting. Partway through our 75 -minute
session, Luke, the name of the spiritual entity my friend David channeled, welcomed
who he called an elderly woman into our space.
Luke said, "This woman has been praying for you for your lifetime." She When asked
Luke, "Please ask Tommy if he remembers seeing me through the screen door." I felt
a chill run through my body. As a child, I was banned from seeing my dad's side
of the family, then included my grandmother. On a few occasions, I would sneak to
see my grandma despite my mom's orders. One day I knocked and knocked on grandma's
front door. It took a long time for her to answer. I could see her through the
screen door and then she said, "I'm so sorry, dear. I can't see you today." With
that, she disappeared into her living room. I was devastated. It was the last time
I saw her alive. I turned back to Luke and said, "That's my grandma." And of
course, I started to cry.
That image of seeing her, the screen door, hearing her lover voice, hearing her
loving voice has never left me. Luke gently grasped my arm and shared, your grandma
wants you to know, she'll continue praying for you and loves you very much. I
turned my eyes overflowing with tears and began to say, "Please tell her." Luke
interrupted and gently said, she's gone. My grandmother adored me.
We had a special connection. I always felt she knew I was gay, and she spent her
life and beyond praying for me.
She has been my most powerful ancestral connection. The gratitude I have for her
overwhelms my heart.
I continue to call on her for support. Certainly there are other ancestors that I
call on for support. But this one, as you can tell by the stories I've shared, and
the fact that I wrote this one in my book, they're very, very powerful indicators
of what's available for me and ultimately in your life for those ancestors that had
some kind of impact on your life. And ultimately, for those that you'll never meet
in your lifetime, by the sheer fact that you have what you have, you are who you
are, you're challenged by the ways you're challenged, they've been where you are.
Your job is simply to ask them for some support and I want to encourage you to do
that. And may I share the gentlest of reminders. One day will all be the ancestors.
I so appreciate the time you've spent with me. Thank you.