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In this episode of 'Fuck Fear with Christine Spratley,' Christine opens up about a challenging experience and emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and rest. She shares her journey from leaving a decades-long corporate career to starting her own business, and how she copes with life's ups and downs. Christine discusses a stressful week culminating in a powerful coaching session with a colleague, Grace, who helps her realize the value of taking breaks and celebrating her accomplishments. This episode is a candid look at managing stress, acknowledging personal growth, and granting oneself permission to rest.
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:47 Personal Tattletale: A Story of Self-Reflection
01:23 Career Journey: From Corporate to Entrepreneurship
02:17 Facing Emotional Challenges
04:08 The Importance of Rest and Self-Care
07:12 Coaching Session with Grace
12:26 Realizations and Taking a Break
Creators and Guests
What is F*ck Fear with Christine Spratley: Living Like a Head Bitch In Charge ?
This podcast is for anyone who wants to live like an HBIC—or lives with, works with, marries, dates, or is raising one. Let’s be real: being a Head Bitch in Charge is messy, bold, and unapologetically badass. This is not a guidebook—it’s a pantry.
My guests and I will share the ingredients that we use—what’s worked and what’s failed—as we say “fuck fear” and take action to live a fulfilled life. We cover real-life hacks and deep philosophical pillars to navigate the chaos of everyday life—where some days, my only accomplishment is having a bra on and my teeth brushed.
We’re tackling the daily shit women navigate, from workplace politics to relationships, raising kids, and building careers, all with humor, audacity, and zero filters.
So, tune in—tell your friends, and even your enemies. This isn’t about aging with grace—it’s about aging with mischief, audacity, and a damn good story to tell.
14 F Fear
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Default_2025-03-11_2: [00:00:00] Hello, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between. Welcome to Fuck Fear with Christine Spratley, living like a head bitch in charge. And, today is, um, today is called Tattletale Day. It's be a tattletale on yourself. So I, [00:01:00] I am going to tell you today, I am gonna tell on myself. Um, I'm gonna tattle on myself to about a event situation, whatever you wanna call it, that happened last Friday.
Um, and it's about being willing to be who you are, where you are, no matter what that looks like. And, um, I, as you know, I've started this podcast. I left a, a business . Um, a career. I spent about 29 and a half years or so in corporate and in in businesses, um, 13 or so in big four and same industry land development.
Started as a runner. Worked all my way up. Um, did all sorts of different things, corporate negotiations for site selection and all that, um, type of stuff. And did. All of it. And then left at 53 to start my own [00:02:00] company. And um, that was last year. July 2nd was my last day in Big Four. And since then I have also, um, left a relationship, my marriage.
And so it's been kind of a whirlwind of things. Um, not particularly was in my business plan, um, but . As you know, for me, I'm, I'm pretty much of a, a move forward. Keep going, keep going, keep going, go going. Um, I, I like that. You know, just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. I say that a lot. Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming. And there's some things that I don't do when I just keep swimming. I don't like to acknowledge. I'll acknowledge my fear, um, and I take action. But I don't like to take action that is rest. I don't, I have a hard time [00:03:00] looking at my, what I've accomplished because part of it is, is the way I was raised, um, in, in a farm.
On a farm, you don't get credit. You just got work to do. . Like, I remember telling my dad, you know, we're walking beans and if anybody hasn't walked beans, I think every kid should have to walk beans, deas of corn, bell hay and pitch shit. I just think it should be a rule. Every kid should have to do that two summers in a row.
And, um, and, and, and you learn. You learn to work hard, but you learn that you gotta just keep doing it. You gotta get it done. Just gotta get figured out. You may, some people may call it, pick yourself up by your bootstraps, you know, quit. You know, there's, I'm sure there's a hundred phrases out there, Joe. Um, you know, quit being a pussy.
Do it, you know, whatever. But I, I tend to get into that mode, um, because I wanna [00:04:00] get going. I wanna get over, I wanna get through this, I wanna go through this. I wanna get on the other side of that shit. Um, and . Last Friday I woke up and there's this saying, halt, hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Um, I wasn't hungry, although I hadn't eaten till about 11.
I had my, my tea. That's, you know, enough for me in the morning. Sometimes I was angry. Um, I could feel it. I wasn't lonely in the sense of, oh, I missed this, or I missed that, or, you know, my friends were checking in. I, but I just felt separate. I just felt a little not connected. Um, and I was definitely tired, and that was because I was up earlier that week.
Um, I, I get to do, I don't have to, I get to do, and I'm choosing to do [00:05:00] this, um, . , I belong to National Speakers Association and they're having a last story, standing contest. And of course it's this week. Um, and I had not done it. Um, I, you know, I'm, I'm one of those people that has to get it, you know, like it has to feel it in my bones for it to come out and give birth to it.
And, um, I stayed up that. A couple nights up until like three or four in the morning just working on it and things like that. So I knew I was tired, so I was, I could have eaten, probably should have. So I was hungry. I was definitely angry. Got got shit going on with not happy. Um, lonely. Wasn't feeling connected and tired, you know, hungry, angry, lonely and tired.
So I knew that and I got up and I. Went and did some meetings. I had a business, had breakfast, got some meetings. Still was angry and still wasn't feeling [00:06:00] very connected. Had talked to my friends, had some people checking in back and forth. Sent out my mugshot crews. That was probably, it'd be interesting to look and see what, what mugshot I sent out that morning.
I bet it was something sarcastic . Um, but . I, I came back and I was tired and I had one more meeting and it was a big meeting. Um, and it was about it was, it involved money and money's very stressful for me. And it was about committing to, to money and, and back and forth with this, this company that I, I'm trying to work with.
And so there was just a lot of stuff on the outside. I'd say a lot of my buttons were on the outside. Um, I think a lot of people have been tired 'cause of daylight savings time. Fall back. Yeah. Yeah. And also I think we've been tired just 'cause there's a lot of shit going on. Emotionally tired emotionally in the US a lot of stuff up in [00:07:00] the air.
Up in the air, up in the air up. Something . Um, anyway, so . I came back to my house. I got done with my meeting, had a great meeting. Felt good. Still just didn't feel, and I had on my calendar, um, I'll pull it up and I'll tell you what it's called. I think it was just called, and I have, I'll tell you about her in a second, but it just, it was,
it was a coaching call. Just said, Christine Grace coaching call. It was from one 30 to two 30. And I'm gonna tell you a little bit about grace. Grace is, um, a badass, that worked at my old firm. And, um, she worked in a, a different division and we got to know each other a two ways, actually. One, as I was trying to find coaching, um, a friend,
Who's now a friend of mine, Ellen [00:08:00] referred me to her and said, Hey, she's doing coaching. You should connect with her. You know, she's doing it, you know, in Deloitte, and she can kind of, you know, she, I think you'd be good connection. I call it the good fella connection. Hey, they're a good fella. You're gonna, you know, you're gonna bond.
Um, and the hope you bury the bodies. But Grace . So Grace and I got connected and then they had, um, it was when I was getting my hours for coaching. So I had to do reciprocal coaching to get hours to sit for my exam, to get certified by the International Coaching Federation. And so we signed up together and we got paired together.
And so we were just newbies kind of bumping around. Um, and trying out coaching and learning what coaching was, and Grace has this amazing ability, um, and great business mind. She doesn't acknowledge that, that she has one, but she does, and she [00:09:00] also has this way. And I don't know if you have ever been around somebody that can just seem to pull shit outta you and, and they just do.
I don't know if it's the way she looks. I don't know if it's her tone of voice. I don't. I don't know what it is. So I've got this call on the schedule. Part of me wants to cancel it because I know she can pull some shit outta me and I don't really want to let it go, and I just got off. The podcast taping of if you've, if you haven't listened to it, listen to it.
Um, about you're only as sick as your secrets, which is for me, sometimes the secrets I don't, I keep from other people, um, are the lies that I tell myself. And so I knew she was gonna pull some of these, this what's going on in my head out of me, and, and she doesn't even have to try. That's, that's the thing that bothers me.
I mean, it doesn't bother me, but it's great. But it's also like, ah, so there's part of me that wanted to cancel and move it. Make up a good [00:10:00] excuse. I'm busy. I didn't have anything on my schedule, by the way, um, after our call with her. And, but I didn't, I kept it and we started and we caught up and, and it wasn't, we don't really do a coaching session, like coaching, coaching.
Um, we do, but we don't. It's kind of like, um, I guess how doctors would talk when they get together. , you know, they don't really diagnose each other, but they kind of do. Right. And they, you know, because yeah, you probably all know the same thing. I mean, it's not like you're discovering new truth with each other.
We aren't, but we also are like pull, end up having conversations that pull things out of each other, but it's not a coaching call. Um, so anyway, it is, but it's not. So I get on the phone and we're, we're starting out and we, we catch up and I'm debating in my head. All right. How much, how much info do I wanna give her?
How much do I want to redress this? Because I've had the platform, like I, this is my time, Christine, and [00:11:00] this is where I get to make choices about how much of the good stuff I want, but I really don't wanna tell her, and I really don't wanna go there because I really am tired. And so we start talking, and finally I just start crying and I start and she starts pulling things outta me, and I start crying.
And I'm telling her, and what it was, was I was just tired. I was just tired. Tired of swimming, tired of going. I know I've got the list to do. I know I've got, and I know I can do it, but I'm just tired and frankly I don't want to, today. I don't want to. And Grace says to me, she says, well, can you quit swimming for five minutes?
and this is the wisdom of a coach. If, if Grace had started out saying, well, why don't you just quit, you know, shut down for the day. Yeah. I'd been like, hell no. That's the what's weird. That's the most common [00:12:00] response. 'cause I go through seasons where I get really busy and then I get crabby and then somebody will say like, why don't you take a day off?
And you're like, well, that's the problem. That's the problem. That's gonna make it worse. Yeah. Because I'm not caught up because I'm not caught up. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm sinking here. I can't quit bailing out the water. But ultimately they're correct. And , well, let me tell you how she started. She started with five minutes and I was like, yeah, I, I can do that.
And she said, will you do it? I said, yeah, okay. I'll do it. And then we talked a little bit more. And one of the things that she did as we were talking a little bit more is she went through and she made me listen to all the things that I had been doing in this last six months. 'cause I started my company, um, July 2nd was my last day at Deloitte.
And I started my company, um, officially, you know, that day. And I . I didn't realize all the change. I mean, I knew all the change. I mean, shit, I'm living it. I know it. Um, [00:13:00] but I didn't realize that it was down to, I live in a different house. I've lived in my same house in my Sheldon chair, that swivels Okay, perfect vision view of the tv.
Perfect. Otto. Right? I was wonder if you're talking about Big Bang Theory, that's a , you know, all of that stuff. I mean, I. I mean, I, I don't have my knives that I used to cut stuff and I love to cook. And so I mean like little things that you would get comfort from. It sounds really silly, but it's little things that, that you just found comfort in that remind you, God, this is hard.
Was tired of it being hard and she, she was telling me all this stuff, but what she was telling me is. You're doing this and you're doing this and you're doing this, and you're showing up here, and God, I don't even know how the hell you do this, this, and this and this. And I didn't [00:14:00] see it that way. And that was like the first time that I had sat down and I'd gone, wow, this load is heavy and I will swim, but this load is fucking heavy.
And. I'm doing really well and I'll continue to do really well, but I need to set this down. And so as she was doing this now, she was telling me it was, it was really interesting to kind of sit back, 'cause I did. I sat back afterwards and I was like, how'd she do this? She told me these things that I did and it was almost like she was stacking them on.
And, but in a positive way of saying, look at this. You're carrying and you're doing this and you're doing and you're doing this and by, and, and you're showing up over here, like, how did you do this? Like you said you were gonna do it, and you went and fucking did that. Like, like you put in a business plan together in January, 2024, and you started a [00:15:00] company in July.
Like, wait a minute. And then you went, and then you went speaking and, and then you, you know. Had maneuvers with, with your company and then you went and you, and you separated from your husband of, and and, and you went through that and you made it through Christmas and you and all of these things. And it was funny 'cause every once in a while she would throw in, could you quit?
Could you quit swimming for an hour? You know? 'cause you quit swimming for an hour and a half And, um. We got to the point at the end of it, of, well, you know, what are you gonna, what are you gonna quit? How long are you gonna quit swimming? You know, can you quit swimming for the rest of the day? You know, look at your calendar.
What do you got on it? I didn't have anything on it. I can't, you know, by that time you're in the truth modes, you can't lie. 'cause you just can't. Um, anyway, I can't not when I'm in the truth mode. Um, there's too much [00:16:00] Catholic guilt that comes over me when I start lying, when I'm in the truth mode. And so I was like, okay, I, I, I will, I, I, I can, I can quit swimming for the rest of the day and just breathe.
And now the part of the truth is I quit swimming for like three hours. . I went and I laid down and cozied up turned, I didn't turn my phone off. Um, but that's what I had. So tell her I'd do is I'd quit, quit swimming for the rest of the day and I'd turn my phone off and I didn't. I quit swimming for about two and a half hours, three hours, and then I got up and went about my business, but I told her myself, I told somebody, Hey.
This is what I really want. I really want to stop. Not forever. I just want [00:17:00] to take this fucking load off. And it wasn't because I felt defeated, and it wasn't because
I felt I couldn't do it. And it wasn't because I felt I couldn't do it in the moment. You know? Like it wasn't like I, oh my God, my legs broke. I can't move. Wasn't that, it was almost harder because I knew I could keep going, which is really,
uh uh, I don't know if it's an oxymoron or what you wanna call it, but it's a really weird emotion. To know that you can go do something and, and, and give yourself permission. I hate saying that, but literally do it and say, even though I can do that, I'm gonna [00:18:00] rest.
I think for me, that comes back to fulfillment because fulfillment is about. What I really need and what I really want, and why is it so hard for me to give me what I really need and what I [00:19:00] really want. And if I don't voice that, if I don't tattle on somebody myself and tell somebody what I really need and what I really want.
Default_2025-03-11_2: I don't usually get it or give it to myself.
So I encourage you to, when you, when you don't wanna tell somebody something
to tell them, and I'm not tell talking about everybody and everything. , but it get you a tribe, get you a couple people, okay? That really listen and have your back that are gonna, you know, walk you through, Hey, this is what I'm seeing, layer after layer after layer, and they're gonna build you up to show you.
And it's not even building you up. They're showing you what you've built. [00:20:00] I mean, she didn't lie about anything. They're putting it in your face going, no, you're this good and you're tired and you deserve a break. So knock it off, like do it. And then they get you to commit to taking care of yourself. Give yourself the gift of those people, and then give yourself the gift of using them, of letting them love you, of letting them guide you.
I think sometimes for me. The hardest thing that I have to do is to accept the hand that's reached out to me, because usually I'm running a thousand miles a minute, okay? And I'm reaching out and I'm grabbing everybody and going, you know, come on, let's go. And sometimes the hand that reaches out to me, [00:21:00] even if it's in front of me.
Is walking when I'm running and they're slowing me down and they're making me look and they're making me stop and breathe and take in the day or take in whatever. So what Grace gave me was, and this is, this is I got in my bed, put on my PJs 'cause I have my great PJs. Um, they're real soft and they breathe.
And when you're in menopause, you need PJs that breathe. Okay. I got him my bread and I had, and of course my Finn comes up and lays on me. He's my, um, board doodle and 'cause he's that way. And then Abby, Abby is my, um, Bernie, Bernie Doodle, and she's kind of, um, she's just Abby. She's just happy, kooky, crazy.
She's fiddling. And so I pick up. I have a blanket that goes on [00:22:00] top over my quilt and I pick up, or my comforter and I pick it up and she gets underneath it and we both get underneath it. And so I'm there with Abby and she's looking at me, and then I take my head out and I just leave the blanket on top of her.
And she did this. She spun in a circle, Joe, and she wrapped herself up in this little cocoon and then laid down. And then she just laid there and hung out. But she was all wrapped up and it was the three of us. And then I got wrapped up in my, and I thought that's a great way. So I got all cozied in there and we all just laid there for a couple hours.
So I needed to tell on myself, and I'm telling you to let you know, I don't know what you think about who I am. From these podcasts, you may not think about me at all, but typically what I do when I listen to [00:23:00] people's podcast or they say something that I agree with or wow, an insight, I drudge my insides by their outsides.
Okay? Don't do that with me, okay? I am flawed. I am tired. I am Friday. I am hungry and lonely and tired. I'm still a head bitch in charge, even when I'm those things. So I get everything just like everybody else, and that is what is so amazing about this journey is that when I tell on myself to someone and I show someone me,
I connect with them and I have. It's the true experience of life. I have what matters. I have connected with somebody and had that moment, [00:24:00] and that's why I tell myself, because otherwise I'm just walking around with everything inside of me and I'm not connected.
So ladies and gentlemen, and everyone in between,
what can you tell on yourself about who can you tell it to?
How can you let them love you through that or support you or kick you in the ass or whatever?
If you don't have someone that you really know deep down you can do that with. Find them. They're out there. They're out there. [00:25:00] But we've gotta go get those people and put them in our lives. And like I said in one of my earlier podcasts, we've gotta plan our own garden so we can decorate our own souls.
So today, tomorrow, the next day, I don't know, pick a date, say, I'm gonna tell on myself. Whatever happens that day, I'm gonna tell on myself to somebody
and give yourself that gift. Thank you so much and until next time, tubs.
[00:26:00]