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Welcome to The Activate Change Podcast, where transformation is just a conversation away. Join Gabrielli LaChiara, renowned healer and creator of the LaChiara Method, as she guides individuals through powerful healing sessions. Alongside her, Chloë Faith Urban breaks down the frameworks and tools Gabrielli uses to bring deeper understanding to the profound process of healing. Each episode offers an intimate front-row seat to authentic, raw, and real personal breakthroughs, spiritual healing, and emotional support, allowing you to see yourself in the journeys of others. Experience the power and magic of the LaChiara Method, learn practical tools for self-growth, and unlock your potential to activate change in your own life. Whether you're seeking healing, inspiration, or a deeper understanding of yourself, this podcast is your gateway to a more rooted, resilient and radiant YOU.
To experience or learn more about the method go to: https://lachiaramethod.com
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Hello, this is Chloe Faith Urban. I'm the co -director of the Lakiara Method and -host of this podcast. And I just wanted to invite you to our free gift offering. It's called Transform Your Life in Three Minutes a Day or Less with these eight simple questions. And this is an eight -day mini course that comes straight to your inbox with a daily question, a short meditation,
and it has been very transformational for many people. If you are interested in this free gift, you can go to lachiaramethod .com slash podcast dash gift.
Ad On Free Gift - Chloe Introduces Herself (00:41)
can also find that link in the show notes to this episode.
Ad On Free Gift - Chloe Introduces Herself (00:45)
Without further ado, here is the Activate Change podcast.
Chloe (00:55)
Welcome to the Activate Change podcast, where transformation is just a conversation away. Each episode, join renowned healer and founder of the La Quijara Method, Gabriele La Quijara, as she offers an intimate front row seat to an authentic and unscripted personal healing session. Each session features a new person exploring their genuine struggles
their longings and their deepest desires in their lives. As you listen, we invite you to receive as well, feeling into where the healing and insights that transpire might spark transformation in your own life. And stay tuned until the end because I, Chloe Faith Urban, will discuss the session and share a tool or framework that Gabrielle used, which you can apply to your own personal healing.
This podcast does contain adult language and content, so if you have little ones around you, you may want to use headphones.
Gabrielli LaChiara (02:01)
you
Ad On Free Gift - Chloe Introduces Herself (02:11)
In this episode, Gabriele has a session with Julie Anne, who recently completed her Radical Life Coach certification with us and has quite a bit of experience with the work. She explores her struggle with being swayed by others' opinions and how that can lead to her abandoning herself. Listen as she clears out other people's fear from her body and steps more into her power and potency. Let's dive in.
Gabrielli LaChiara (02:43)
Hello.
Julianne Fraser (02:45)
Hello.
Gabrielli LaChiara (02:47)
Welcome to your podcast session.
Julianne Fraser (02:49)
Thank you. I'm excited to be here.
Gabrielli LaChiara (02:52)
I'm so curious how I can help you today. Like what's your intention?
Julianne Fraser (02:59)
Hmm. Let's see. I've been feeling like...
like that there's like an awareness around of like what like I need to do with my life, just a small thing. But like, and that like other sort of like that the feeling of being swayed by others opinions of like, this is.
Gabrielli LaChiara (03:33)
Mm.
Julianne Fraser (03:36)
like shoulds or shouldn'ts and so trying to minimize that into like sort of a bite -sized piece would but this sense of like how do I continue to act in my own integrity maybe around that does that make sense
Gabrielli LaChiara (03:39)
Mm -hmm.
I'm sorry.
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah, I heard you reaching to feel in and play with who you are in the world, who you are in your work, and aware, already aware. And it sounds like you're already noticing and aware of where other people's opinions can come in and sway you off center, maybe, and change your perspective of who you are.
who you are, what you need, or where you're going. Did I get that right? I know I added some to it, but yeah. Yeah. Good.
Julianne Fraser (04:21)
Yes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I got shivers on that way you added that sense of, yeah, knowing where I am, or my sense of being swayed off my own and changing my perspective. Yeah, yeah, that feels really true.
Gabrielli LaChiara (04:38)
Right. Right. I feel so much vulnerability in that. Like how often do many of us, you know, we're like, I got it and I'm moving in this direction. And it doesn't take a lot for someone to have a strong opinion or strong energy or for multiple people even to have things that then all of a sudden we're resetting and reorganizing what we thought we wanted, even though a minute ago we thought we knew and both what's right about that and what's also hard about that. You know, like, you know, we,
We don't want to get so tunnel focused that we don't take consideration to what other people might be perceiving. And at the same time, we don't necessarily want to have be bumped around. Like we're just a little feather in the river bed, just swaying in every direction and kind of losing track of our roots and who we are. So, yeah. I'm feeling like we could dive right into discovery. Like it's...
Julianne Fraser (05:17)
Mm -hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (05:30)
It's present, I'm feeling the question in my belly wanting to rise up and is there anything else you want to say before we jump in?
Julianne Fraser (05:40)
No, that feels, yeah, that feels complete around.
Gabrielli LaChiara (05:44)
Mm -hmm. Good. I heard the words integrity, center, related to work, contribution is what I might hear too, being you, knowing you. And so let me just see what arises in the question and we'll go from there.
It's like, how many godzillions of lifetimes and or how many times in this lifetime did you?
I almost had this feeling of like, you knew, you so knew exactly what you needed to know and then second guessed it and then ended up someplace totally different. And then later on was like, wait, I knew, you know, I knew and I can't get back. And so there's something about both getting swayed off, but then also not knowing how to get back to some sense of knowing and that experience, is that familiar?
Julianne Fraser (06:34)
and
Yes. Yeah, exactly.
Gabrielli LaChiara (06:47)
Yeah. And where in your own body, your own psyche, where do you hold the fear, that like real, even fright, you know, of being thrown off track and not being able to find your way back?
Julianne Fraser (07:06)
you
that feels like gut, like solar plexus, kind of like clenching, holding, like needing, right, right, as if like...
Gabrielli LaChiara (07:13)
Yeah. Yeah.
Julianne Fraser (07:26)
as if by sheer will I could hold it in place somehow, like, I got this. And yeah. But like at the same time, it's like, that constricted place isn't, you know, like, isn't open and expansive. It's like, Like if I move, right, if the wind blows, it's the right way, you know, if the
Gabrielli LaChiara (07:33)
Hmm.
Hmm. Yum.
Julianne Fraser (07:56)
if the tide changes, then I'm going to go with it somehow.
Gabrielli LaChiara (08:00)
Yeah, I because we wonder what did you is there some experiences you've had or had before that you're like, I don't ever want to experience that again. And that causes some of that gripping. Like, what would you say is the thing that you're trying not to experience?
Julianne Fraser (08:25)
Hmm... Yeah, I... I think the thing I'm trying not to experience is...
allowing someone else's opinions to.
change my mind?
and
Gabrielli LaChiara (08:51)
You're gonna tell me a little bit more so someone else's opinions can change my mind. And I'm really not wanting that to happen. Tell me more about that.
Julianne Fraser (08:56)
Yeah, yeah. Right, it's like, it seems like it's backwards, like how can that be a thing that would, like, that changing my own mind would be my choice, but, I...
Gabrielli LaChiara (09:13)
that's an interesting awareness. You already had the like, but wait, I'm already saying something. I'm already saying something in a maybe in a victim mode of like, someone came in and changed my mind, like they can go to my brain and change my mind, tell me to think things I don't want to think. And yet, it feels like real experiences real, can somebody brain brainwash and can we be brainwashed? Or where am I changing my mind? And for what reason?
Julianne Fraser (09:29)
Right.
Right. Right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (09:41)
if that person comes in with an opinion or those people. And then I changed my mind and then I, you know, somehow fault the other people for, you know, it's like there's something I can feel what's distorted in it.
Julianne Fraser (09:55)
Well
Gabrielli LaChiara (09:58)
often that just feels like not that you're distorted, but that there's like maybe trauma in that because it feels wounded, like it's confused about where is my power, where is not my power, what is my brain, what's not my brain, who can tell me what to do. And maybe there are times people can tell us what to do or think, right?
Julianne Fraser (10:14)
Right. Well, I mean, I guess like sort of the thing that's like coming to mind and has and like came has come up, like came up last week on retreat in a conversation with someone was this. It was like 20 years ago and I had been accepted into a program like a master's in fine arts program.
with like a full scholarship and teaching assistantship and then I found out I was pregnant. And yeah, and like my husband at the time was like, no, I'm not gonna go with you. Not that he didn't say I couldn't go, but the answer was that like, wasn't.
he wouldn't go with me to do this thing. But in thinking about it, it's sort of the one thing that I'm like, I just want to get back to that sense of that. I had such certainty of I was going to be a writer and I'm a bilingual writer and I felt confident I could.
raised my daughter with the supports that were going to be available. And then I was like, but I'm going to change my, right. And then there is even the awareness of like, well, I'm going to change my mind to match this, to match what this person wants instead. And I think it's like, it's kind of come up because there really haven't been a whole lot of things in my life that I'm like, I totally regret that. And like, but that's something that I think to myself, that was like,
Gabrielli LaChiara (11:56)
Mm -hmm.
Right.
Julianne Fraser (12:09)
some kind of like sliding door, you know, this like what would be if? Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (12:12)
Right. Yeah, I think it's really powerful for us to feel into the regret. Like, you really have a regret. And you've probably heard me say this before, but like the Dalai Lama one time I heard speaking on...
their life and people were asking all kinds of questions about forgiveness and this and that. And the Dalai Lama was expressing a regret that even they had, you know, and I was like, wow, even this high holiness, you know, has regrets. We're human and how we hold regrets. And maybe that's the thing you never want to experience again, having such a regret that lives with you. Maybe it's not so much about I could have done this or that or this person, you know, but I'm wondering if it's the regret in that moment of letting, letting yourself be led.
Julianne Fraser (12:57)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (13:07)
Like choosing that relationship over yourself. You know, and what you knew, what you really deeply knew was your path in that moment or could have been. Yeah.
Julianne Fraser (13:20)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's that sounds like you definitely named it there. That's like, right. That's the thing I'm clenching for. It feels like I'm holding for is like to write to not to not do that again, like to not be in a place where I'm like, no, I'm really like here. Here is a sort of a shift, you know, and a place where I could go and I am not wanting and wanting to make sure that I'm really staying in my own integrity and my own knowing and not.
yeah, not allowing.
Like not being swayed by others opinions. But yeah, I think it feels like coming back to my own integrity.
Gabrielli LaChiara (13:57)
Mm -hmm.
And is it true that you don't want to be swayed by it? I mean, is it true that you don't want to be affected by other people's opinions? Is that even possible? I mean, aren't we all affected by other people's opinions? You know, on some level, that's pretty normal, right? It feels like something else, like beyond that. It's not that other people's opinions won't come in and have an impact.
Julianne Fraser (14:16)
Yeah, that's true. As I was saying, I was like, wait, is that even right? Like, how can we not? How can we? Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (14:35)
that you'll have to sort and filter. There feels like a different thing in the like, where does it go from that to I abandoned myself on behalf of someone else, you know?
Julianne Fraser (14:48)
Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (14:53)
And I hear, I hear more of us wanting to like pay attention to like, when do I then abandon myself? Not just adjust, listen, pay attention, feel, even become more convicted because you have an opinion that helps me to anchor my own, you know, even if I say no to yours. But if there's something about not being able to say no or not giving yourself permission to say no or not knowing to say no in that earlier experience, like where's, where's like losing yourself to whatever.
Julianne Fraser (15:11)
Mm.
Mm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (15:22)
storyline felt more important or something or we're just being powered into and you're in yourself, given your power over somewhere like something in there feels like we're what we're looking at or aiming to look at here.
Julianne Fraser (15:36)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, like, I think the abandoning, yeah, that, like, that felt, that felt really true, that, like, abandoning, abandoning my, to not abandon myself, and feels like power over, allowing, allowing there to be, yeah, like, power over me, or
like subverting almost is the like okay i'm just gonna yeah i think there is something around
Gabrielli LaChiara (16:05)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Julianne Fraser (16:16)
not saying no or not trusting, then I can say no.
or that if I say no, then...
I'll be rejected or cast out or I don't cast out from what but like yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (16:32)
Yeah, it's like, it's no, but it's kind of a, I think not a no, but a no, but yes, but there is a, there is something in that with the abandonment on either side is it, is it like, there's a, like you've already decided abandonment is going to happen in those moments. So it's like, either I abandoned myself and go with it and I get to keep this person or they might abandon me and then what happens, you know? And, and it's like, if I don't, if I, sometimes we choose a side, that's all. And those interactions where.
Julianne Fraser (16:36)
Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (17:02)
we decided it's easier to ditch ourselves than to deal with the loss of other and the repercussions or conflict that might come with that or, you know, whatever storyline might be in there.
And, and it made me think about like stepping just back a second to like, I was wondering, what's your relationship to authority being told yes or no being given authority, having people take authority over you. Like what's your own relationship to authority? Because in the yeses and nos to what we choose, there's a real proclamation of authority inside. it's like a trusting ourselves too. Like I can know it's worth what I'm about to lose. If I lose something.
Julianne Fraser (17:34)
Mm.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah. I think my relationship to authority has been that.
It usually feels like I get injured somehow in it.
Gabrielli LaChiara (17:55)
Mm -hmm.
Julianne Fraser (18:01)
Yeah, that like it feels like a painful place to be. So it almost feels like there's a sense of not.
Maybe almost not wanting to have like to be in that place. Well, like I don't want to be in a person who a place of authority because like that's that's a terrible place to be. Even though it's authority over myself. Yeah. That there's this sort of this lumped assumption that authority is bad, that all authority is bad and will and will hurt. Yeah. And ultimately cause pain.
Gabrielli LaChiara (18:33)
Right, that all authority is, but yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's feel that authority is all bad and will ultimately cause pain. Can you say that three times? That piece of the story that lives there?
Julianne Fraser (18:48)
Yeah, yeah that authority is bad and will ultimately cause pain.
Gabrielli LaChiara (18:58)
Hmm. Hmm.
Julianne Fraser (19:00)
Phew.
And authority is bad and will ultimately cause pain.
Gabrielli LaChiara (19:11)
Yeah.
Let yourself fear where does that live in you and then say it again. Where is that coming from?
Julianne Fraser (19:20)
Hmm.
I dunno. Yeah, like...
like heart center, it was like behind the heart.
Gabrielli LaChiara (19:34)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Julianne Fraser (19:39)
All authority is bad and will ultimately cause pain.
Yeah, it just feels like super tight that inside, inside my chest, behind my heart.
Gabrielli LaChiara (19:52)
Yeah, yeah, let's go in there. I can really feel the broken heart in it. When did you learn that authority can be bad and actually might cause harm? How old were you when you realized that people abuse authority and therefore cause harm?
Julianne Fraser (19:57)
Mm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (20:12)
Mm.
Julianne Fraser (20:13)
Hmm.
Now, like, three.
Gabrielli LaChiara (20:19)
Yeah, right. That makes so much sense. Three -year -olds are reaching for autonomy. They're in the me do it myself moment, you know, where they're trying to proclaim authority. And if we're parenting them well, we let them get it wrong, right? That's a part of it where they can try out things and try out their yeses and nos. And sometimes we give in, sometimes we don't, but we help them learn authority. And so what did your three -year -old learn about authority that you're today?
get to hear and understand so that you can unpack it and see what's true and what's not true now. What did the three -year -old learn about authority? Where is that in you?
Julianne Fraser (21:11)
Yeah, it's like...
sort of get this image of like.
like mistreated or like taken advantage of. And I'm not sure if it was like maybe it was something that I witnessed happening among my parents or, but this.
Gabrielli LaChiara (21:37)
Mm -hmm.
Julianne Fraser (21:49)
Yeah, like, okay, that's not, that's not safe, that's not, can't go there.
Gabrielli LaChiara (21:54)
Right. Right. So everything that three -year -old learned that became fixated that said, whoa, not just authority is bad or could cause harm, but it does cause harm. And wherever the three -year -old either watched voices be diminished or taken over or controlled or, you know, that the patterns, whatever patterns that that three -year -old witnessed enough times that they're still here. That wasn't just a one -time
or two time incidents, something that three year old digested by three already that was like, whoa, I should be really afraid of authority because it causes harm. And whether that's because someone stood in their authority and they got hurt or all the various possibilities, right? So we wanna honor that it's true. Authority can cause harm. And sometimes it is bad. And sometimes people use it in all kinds of twisted abusive ways.
Julianne Fraser (22:41)
Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (22:54)
and the three -year -old's not wrong, that that's a true part of existence in humanity, that authority can be incredibly harmful. And it can be incredibly scary and dangerous to stand up for yourself and have a voice and take authority. Sometimes it can be, right? So let's massage the three -year -old's fear by acknowledging and validating that yes, we see that too. You're not wrong. But sometimes authority is really, really, really bad.
that people get injured and we injure others with it and we take it and it's the wrong move and it can cause real harm not just a little but a lot.
Hmm. Right. Just so the three year old knows, no, you're not really wrong. Those things you perceived and experienced are real. And they might've been real to your body even, but they're real no matter what happened. Humanity does happen. And what else does that three year old need to know today in order to show up in you, with you, in this adult version of this moment of your life? What else can that three year old learn today?
Julianne Fraser (23:47)
Hehehe.
Gabrielli LaChiara (24:12)
about authority.
Julianne Fraser (24:20)
that it can be safe.
Gabrielli LaChiara (24:23)
Hmm, yeah. Activate change and generate healing immediately. And is it even possible that sometimes it's safer to take your own authority to stand in it? Yeah, sometimes it's actually the safer choice that is not always safe to just give your power over. It's not an always or never. And so are you willing in this month and year to come to retrain?
Julianne Fraser (24:33)
Mm. Mm. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (24:50)
the three -year -old parts of yourself to learn all kinds of other things about authority and where you've already learned them to start to massage those awake and shake them open and instigate more than one storyline about being you and about you specifically in relation to coming into your power related to work and choices related to working, being you and the world contributing. Yeah.
Julianne Fraser (25:16)
Yeah. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (25:20)
What does that bring up in you to?
Julianne Fraser (25:24)
I like the sense I got was like safety and then also was like community. Like, yeah, this sense of, of.
safety in numbers somehow or that sense of like, you had once mentioned this like linking together kind of, so it feels like that, that like, this is how.
Gabrielli LaChiara (25:46)
Mm -hmm.
Julianne Fraser (25:53)
authority can be safe.
Gabrielli LaChiara (25:55)
Right. So one way to make authority safe could be to have accountability. Other people, other people that you trust maybe, people that are doing authority in ways that you want to, visions that are clear. Right? Like I can see that, like looking for where are the safe places to share in the learning on what it means to have authority and power in ourselves and in our work, but in ourselves, right? Yeah. I love that.
Julianne Fraser (26:01)
Mm hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (26:08)
Yeah.
Julianne Fraser (26:09)
Yeah.
Mm -hmm. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (26:24)
I love that it's like part of your mission statement, you know, cause we have the, we have the visions of our work and then we have like, what is the internal mission statement we could write? That's like, here's what I'm agreeing to. That's going to help me to do my work in a way that feels that I really do show up for myself and others. And you know, that I debunk some of the things I'm afraid of and that are real in our society really is true that authority is abused, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Julianne Fraser (26:50)
Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. Yeah, I like that.
Gabrielli LaChiara (26:54)
activate change and generate healing immediately. Yeah, go ahead.
Julianne Fraser (26:58)
I've always kind of been aware one of my values is really for justice, for things to be just and right and equitable. If this person doesn't have, there's this sort of like wanting to make it even somehow, or not even but equitable. So it's just kind of felt a little zing around that, like, yeah, this coming to terms with
Gabrielli LaChiara (27:13)
Mm.
Julianne Fraser (27:28)
what authority, like how authority can be healthy and necessary seems to kind of like flow in that same sense of like, yeah, that's like, but I already know about what's just and right and wanting to have that be something that is important.
Yeah, that like everyone gets a voice too. So that makes a lot of sense. That it would be like, right, in order to do that, I have to be able to find my own voice and that, and my own sense of like power in speaking.
Gabrielli LaChiara (27:56)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Right, and the three -year -old needs some places to push off of because three -year -olds, if they're left to their own devices, maybe some would make perfect choices. I don't know, I think my three -year -old would have probably ate the whole candy jar. It's like, whatever. I don't know how long I would have done that if you let me do it every day. But there's something in here about how to grow and learn and to know that this, in particular, our relationship to authority is forever.
Julianne Fraser (28:16)
Hehehe
Yeah.
Right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (28:34)
It's not a one -time deal. It's not like you're going to figure it out and get the answer right and then move on. And I think when we have incidents like you had that were so big where you made a big decision for your life and have a huge regret around that, I'm calling it huge, but it's huge enough that it's still here 20 years later, right? Like I think we can get really frozen into feeling like it's a one time, every one time moment where I have to make a big choice is a make it or break it moment.
Julianne Fraser (28:49)
Mm -hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (28:59)
versus like, if I have this as part of my structure, then maybe I'm catching myself before the big choice has to happen. Because there's like 18 million micro choices that go on between the moment of like, here I am now and here I have to make this huge decision and how to build that structure in between to say, this is going to be an ongoing relationship in my life. And it's almost like a beautiful way to use the wound.
Julianne Fraser (29:04)
and
Okay.
Gabrielli LaChiara (29:23)
to say, it drives me to have a commitment to myself to be looking at my relationship to authority more consistently, and not to wait until I have to make a huge decision before I look at it and put all the weight on that one decision to do it right or wrong, right? Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Julianne Fraser (29:29)
Mmm.
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah, it does. Right. Yeah, but it's not all or nothing. And it doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense.
Gabrielli LaChiara (29:46)
Yeah, and so I hear the invitation to think about a lifestyle that includes, if not only around your work, but just in part of your lifestyle, that includes some community accountability, peer mentorship and supports that are like, how can we have this conversation enough so that I kind of can feel and have something to push back on to know my place in relation to my authority and choices that I'm making, right? Yeah, yeah. And I love the idea of like,
Julianne Fraser (30:11)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (30:15)
writing down when it feels right, when it's like, I did it. I made this choice. It was like small. I did this instead of that, you know, and that felt amazing. And it went against what someone wanted me to do. And that was a perfect time to do that. Or, I went right with them and that was so good. I'm so glad I gave my power over in that moment because they did know something I wanted to experience, you know, and like really playing and learning yourself and what is, what feelings you want to have in relation to your inner authority.
because those feelings and sensations eventually guide you in the bigger decisions. What does it feel like to be you when your inner authority is in integrity and what was the word you used? Equity with others, equitable with others and is with people to be safe and equitable with and activate change and generate healing immediately. Do you have any sense of what that might feel like or what it does feel like?
Julianne Fraser (30:46)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
and
Hmm.
Hmm, yeah. Yeah, it feels like really warm and light and like powerful, like, yeah, like, I think the word is like the impetus that like that distance that, yeah, that it would be necessary, be be like required.
Gabrielli LaChiara (31:15)
Yeah.
Mm. Mm. I love that. I love that. It's invoking Can Proclaim and Pronounce it. You get to learn more about that. How coming into an equitable or integrist relationship to authority could lead to a feeling of power in a way that's healthy and vibrant and maybe even harmonious. Not as in power over, but as empowered inside and this lightness and sense of knowingness that you're in choice in a way that feels integrist to you.
Julianne Fraser (31:40)
Hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (32:04)
and activate chain to generate healing immediately. So many shivers. I love that. Is there anything else in there?
Julianne Fraser (32:09)
Hmm. Hmm.
Mmm.
Hmm.
It feels just, yeah, it feels really spacious.
Hmm. Funny as I said that, there was just this one little twinge of like, eee, right in my esophagus, sort of, like, so. Hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (32:42)
Mm -hmm.
Let's go there. Let's see what's talking. So what is that in your esophagus, that twinge? What is that?
Julianne Fraser (33:00)
Hmm.
Hmm. The word that's coming up is fear.
Gabrielli LaChiara (33:07)
And is that fear yours?
Julianne Fraser (33:16)
Hmm.
No.
Gabrielli LaChiara (33:20)
Is that true?
Julianne Fraser (33:32)
on.
Yeah, yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (33:37)
It's not yours, good. Activate chain to generate healing immediately. So is it required to hold that twinge of fear in your esophagus that doesn't belong to you?
No. And how is it serving you to have it there?
Julianne Fraser (34:00)
No.
Gabrielli LaChiara (34:00)
What did you, it's not, what was it serving?
Julianne Fraser (34:09)
It feels like that was the, that's sort of the, almost like the physical sense of what I was describing emotionally with this sense of like, here I go out on this thing, big launch, like, and then like little, but, but what if, so there's like, I think it was serving in, it feels like it was serving in keeping me safe.
Gabrielli LaChiara (34:25)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.
Brice.
Mm -hmm. Right.
Julianne Fraser (34:39)
from being injured by others.
Gabrielli LaChiara (34:44)
Right, and if that was somebody else's fear and could have led to, if the storyline of even the three -year -old in there is like, I'm feeling somebody's scared, and maybe even part of the service is to go take care of their fear by not doing the thing you wanted to do, right? But maybe also I'm feeling that somebody's scared, and what if fear leads to a misuse of authority? And were there times in your life where it was actually fear that stimulated a misuse or an abuse of authority?
Julianne Fraser (35:12)
Yeah. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (35:13)
where people got harmed, right? So the whole pattern could go together. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm. Mm. Mm. So let's command your body and being to release the parts that are not yours and invoke that it's okay that you have an awareness of other people's fear. It's important to know that, I'm scaring somebody. I want to step back and see what that is as an aware step, right? So that I can find integrity, so that I can ask myself, how will I move with that? You know, what choices am I going to make?
Julianne Fraser (35:17)
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Mm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (35:42)
But what we're clearing is the unconscious way in which other people's fear controls your choices, right? That their fear may turn into harm or where you might be afraid of their fear that you could be afraid as a three -year -old that if you feel that, that means that there's something harmful coming, right? So clearing all, something dangerous. Thank you, that's the word I was looking for. So let's command your body and being to release the fear that's not required, especially any old fear.
Julianne Fraser (36:00)
Right, right, dangerous.
Gabrielli LaChiara (36:10)
from circumstances that aren't even in your current realities, right? Commanding your body and being to release fear and any fear implanted in your throat or stuck there from any times that you acquiesced your power to serve it and activate change and generate healing immediately and let's gift that to the vibrational source of consciousness. That part of you that knows where to put it, that knows how to release it and that knows that by releasing the fear, you aren't saying you're gonna go,
numb to it or that you're not that you're gonna not see it anymore, but that you can see it from With more space right if other people's fear enters your realm. Are you willing to see it before it's inside your body? If possible right when possible right maybe we want to be able to wonder wonder if we can be like that's fear that's what that is. I'm feeling let me check to see if I'm safe I wonder if there's danger coming with that let me step back and see am I making a safe decision am I safe are they safe what's happening?
Julianne Fraser (36:52)
Mm, yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (37:09)
versus like all of a sudden it's in me and it's closed off my voice and twinged me back and I've gone like, the fear becomes my fear. And I say, you must be right. Let me give it to you. And I'm gonna go with your power over mine because clearly I must be wrong, right? And any version of that. I'm commanding your body being again to release anything that's not yours and to gift it to the vibrational source of consciousness. Activate change and generate healing. Immediately. Ooh.
Julianne Fraser (37:22)
Mm -hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (37:38)
commanding your body and being one more time to release anything here that's not yours. That's no longer required to be in your body, in your psyche. And we thank it for all the teaching and all the medicine and all the ways in which you may have done everything you needed to do to make yourself safe. And any and all ways in which you can now lens what is safe now in this present time in the body you are with the choices you're making today and activate change and generate healing. I am medium.
Julianne Fraser (38:07)
Hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (38:09)
Hmm.
Julianne Fraser (38:13)
Mmm. Mmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (38:15)
Yeah, what are you noticing?
Julianne Fraser (38:17)
Yeah, it feels a lot better. Yeah, I'm just like, wow, I'm so amazing that I am just amazed at the things our body can tell us that like just a little twinge in the middle of the spaciousness would be, what's that? Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (38:28)
it.
It would be so easy for you to skip over it and to want to just keep, I just appreciate that you didn't skip over it. Cause it would have been easy to just be like, everything else is good enough. Let me just not worry about that. You know? And yet that little time.
Julianne Fraser (38:41)
Mm.
Yeah, right, there was a point I felt that to be like, it's fine. I was like, no, but there's, but there, is it fine? Yeah, thank you. yay.
Gabrielli LaChiara (38:54)
Talk about not abandoning yourself in present time. Because you could have assumed I wanted you to let it go too, and I really appreciate the way you hold on to yourself and stay in your integrity to your process, and that's what I really want. You know, I don't want to be right. I don't want to lead somebody away from their bodily sensations, but into them. And so you really took the call to go in and stay present and stay connected and again, not abandon your voice and your needs. And how powerful is that? I love it.
Julianne Fraser (39:22)
Thank you.
Gabrielli LaChiara (39:24)
Thank you. Let's invoke in Camp O 'Clam and pronounce that you can have a lot more of that. And knowing your needs and that your body does talk and you are listening and this is part of your soul speak journey to understand your relationship to self, voice, power, work, all the things. And activate change, generate healing. Let's see if there's anything else for today you might wanna share.
Julianne Fraser (39:49)
Mm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (39:53)
Is there anything else you feel like you need?
Julianne Fraser (40:00)
Hmm. Now that feels, that feels complete. Yeah, feels good.
Gabrielli LaChiara (40:06)
Yeah, so powerful. I suspect there'll be more annual layers that you play with and I also just want to celebrate all the layers you've already done in the work you've done to be you that make you available for this kind of a moment right now. So I'm just appreciating your healing process. Thank you for sharing it with me.
Julianne Fraser (40:23)
Hmm.
Thank you for such a beautiful space that feels like safe and like right, that I can like go right out to the edges of it and know that there'll be, yeah, it feels like held. So thank you for that. And that always feel that space with you.
Gabrielli LaChiara (40:45)
Thank you.
Hmm, let's just love you up with the blessing. I want to activate. I'm just going to actually invoke. I don't know. I'm going to make one up. I'm just going to, I'm going to activate that divinity in the cells and particles of you. And by that, I just mean that the aliveness of who you are, your essence, the you -ness and activating that you do get to look through all the lenses of your life and.
Julianne Fraser (40:52)
Yes.
Hehehehehe
Gabrielli LaChiara (41:16)
and decide how to use every experience, the ones you liked or didn't like or the choices you made or wished you didn't made, to currently and present time develop who you are. Step into more of what you believe in, more of what you're here to offer, and more of who you be.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart and activate change and generate healing immediately.
Julianne Fraser (41:43)
Thank you Gabrielle. Yeah, this is so wonderful this time. Thank you.
Gabrielli LaChiara (41:45)
Appreciate you.
Welcome.
Chloe's Commentary On Julianne's Episode (41:57)
Mm, what a session. I know I say that every time, but each time I get to listen in on these, these sessions and these personal processes that people are having, it's just such a profound gift to our lives, to my life, to be able to really hear, feel myself in each of these sessions. I don't know about you, but that's been really, really powerful.
and such a gift for me.
there was so much in this session. It felt like there was awareness popping throughout the entire thing. And there's so many different places I could go and hone into and talk about. And just so appreciating, you know, the topic of like, wow, how do I
how do I show up in this life and make decisions and choices and not like completely discount what people's opinions are, but also not have them completely overtake my own knowing, you know, and actually sway the decisions that I'm making in my own life, especially, you know, big ones, like what am I, how am I showing up in this world in my work or what program am I gonna take, you know, she talks about not actually
doing a art degree even though she got in with a full ride scholarship because someone else had an opinion about if she should do that or not or if they'd stick around. So all, I mean, my goodness, every single part, I was like, yes, wow, amazing, yes, this makes so much sense. But I wanted to hone in to actually, it's more towards the end of the session.
And Gabriele asks if there's anything else. And she's like, actually there's a twinge in my esophagus. It's a small twinge, but it's there. And Gabriele, as we use somatic attunement a lot, actually says, OK, let's go in. Like, what is that? And then they go in to discover that it's fear. And Gabriele then.
asks a question that we tend to ask a lot because it's a pretty powerful question to ask, which is, is that yours? And can be a little confrontational, not in a bad way, but just to like, whoa, right, wait, is that mine? Is it not? we talk a lot.
about being empathic in this work and what is and isn't ours. And it's a bigger conversation than just like, I empathically took on someone's sadness or whatever, because we're living in a society where, yes, it's empathically I've taken on or sponged up other people's emotions or feelings or thoughts or fear.
And it can also be like, my goodness, we're living in, you know, we're drinking in, we're living in the soup pot of societal opinions and doctrinations, shoulds and shouldn'ts and rights and wrongs and judgments and perceived judgments. And there is so much going on and the power dynamics and fitting in and belonging and
Am I gonna be liked? Am I gonna be loved? Am I safe? All these things are happening all the time around us. And what we might actually internalize as us, as ours, there's a lot that isn't. And so we find this question to be incredibly powerful in this framework of being empathic and processing things that aren't ours.
is actually a huge, huge piece of this work. And so when she asked, is that fear yours? And Julianne felt in and was like, actually, no. Then she even asked, is that true? Is that really true? Because sometimes we need that extra questioning to really feel and drop in to really feeling if it's true. And she said, yeah, no, it's not mine.
And then Gabriele asks, how has it served you to hold fear that's not yours in your throat, in your esophagus? And Julianne says, well, it didn't serve me. And then Gabriele says, well, how did it serve you in another time? Like at another time, how did it serve you? And this questioning, this line of curiosity is actually something that you can use in your own life.
where it's like, wow, I'm feeling really, really sad or really, really tired or I'm struggling or feeling confused or exhausted or whatever it is. And that question of like, wow, is this mine? Huh, is this really mine? That in and of itself is a huge question. And some people process things that aren't theirs as like racing thoughts as some of the things I just named, fear.
grief, all those sorts of things. It can also show up as pain in the body and that was something I used to, well and still do sometimes, process through pain in my body and I was like, my goodness, now I have a raging headache or my knee really hurts or this, that or the other thing is super loud in pain. And that question of like, wow, wait, is that mine? Actually started to open up a whole new realm, a whole new world of possibility and
As we work with that in people's sessions, it can be a profound shift, profound shift to realize, holy moly, wait, did I inherit that fear? Did I inherit that grief or that pain? Did I absorb it from society around me, that belief? Or did I absorb it, sponge it up from those around me and the ones that I love, or even just walking down the street?
And so that was such a powerful moment to me because it was like, not only was it like, wow, that fear isn't mine, but like, why might I be holding that fear? And wait a minute, if there was fear around me in the space about what I might do, and then I take that fear in as mine, like, of course it's going to sway my knowings or thoughts of what I should or shouldn't do. And if when I was a child at three years old,
I took on someone else's fear because it was a dangerous situation and I did need to know what was actually safe and not safe and being really confused about what was safe and not safe as a child. That would make sense that we might take on others' fear and have that actually influence or sway the choices that we're making. And as a three -year -old, that would make a lot of sense. As someone who's an adult,
it might be behoove us to really feel into like, whoa, wait, is that person's fear important for me to hold into my body? Can I actually clear it out and see when fear is coming close and actually assess for myself? Is this danger, is there danger or is there not? Am I safe? Am I not? Is this fear someone is having for me?
important to listen to? Well, maybe yes, it might help me find my own knowing, but it doesn't need to be lodged in my body and actually controlling and or influencing the choices or decisions I'm making, right? So there's a lot here and there's so many, you know, I'm sure over the time of the podcast, we'll talk about this in all different ways and how we take on things that aren't ours. But I wanted to
to talk about it because it feels so important to really begin to, if you haven't already, start to think about, like, whoa, what am I processing that's not mine? And might I be doing that all the damn time? And if I'm doing that all the damn time, why might I be doing that? Why might I be holding energy that's not mine? What is under there? How does it serve me to sponge up a bunch of stuff that might actually
you know, allow me to hide behind or not be in my full integrity or knowing or not be in my own authority or power like Julienne was speaking about. So I really invite you to be in that curiosity like, wow, is that mine? And if it's not, how is it serving me to hold it there? And why might I be holding it there? And as you get curious, I also want to just offer the activation. We call it activate healer, release victim.
because so many times people are like, my gosh, someone dumped this on me or I'm victimized by the fear I'm holding or I'm a total victim to the world. And instead it's like, wow, we all have the healer in us that knows how to discern and to clear, to move, to shift, to shape energy. We get a cut, our body naturally knows how to heal. It's a natural.
to natural capacity that the body has. And so if we activate that healer in us, it helps to sift, sort, filter, clear, shift, move energy to the place where it needs to go in order for us to be the most healthy, vital, strong, capable. And so this activation, which Gabriele has spoken about, but is a string of words.
almost like a mantra that helps to move, clear, shift energy. Not to clear, like run away from, get away from, I'm scared and so let me just clear obsessively because I don't want to look at what's actually going on. But clear to clear to shift to move energy to where it needs to go energetically in my sphere so that I can see what's actually going on underneath.
so I can see more clearly and even take responsibility for what is mine. So I can see what's underneath what is mine and what is important for me to look at, to know is there, to take that next step in and being able to see more clearly what's actually happening. And so this particular activation is to do that, to clear out what is not yours.
and to gift it to that vibrational source of consciousness, part of you that's connected into divinity that knows where this energy needs to go in your infinite energy field so that you can be most vital and healthy so that it's not getting in the way.
And so let's, if you want to receive the activation, let's command your body and your being to release anything that is not yours and gift it to the vibrational source of consciousness. Activate change and generate healing immediately. And breathing in.
if that feels good and releasing.
and let's command your body and your being to release absolutely everything that is not yours, that does not belong to you and gift it to the vibrational source of consciousness. Activate change and generate healing immediately. And a nice cleansing breath if that feels good.
Beautiful. There's more information on activations on our YouTube station if you want more and to understand the languaging better. It's just at the Lakiara method handle on YouTube. And I hope that this is helpful and might give you a little bit insight into
being empathic. And it really is our belief that everyone's empathic. We're formed, shaped in, inside of other. We're constantly feeling and assessing and absorbing and clearing and moving energies that might not belong to us. And it can show up in all different ways for different people. And you'll start to probably begin to notice and you might already know.
what some of those symptoms are for you that might be a sign that you're holding energy that isn't yours. And is an amazing question to just keep in your back pocket even all the time like, whoa, is that thought mine? Is that belief mine? Is that pain mine? What's going on here? So really offering this as a gift to you and hoping that it's helpful as you.
get curious about what you're holding that might not be yours.
Chloe's Convo About Jake's Episode (56:08)
saying a huge thank you to Allie Halpert, who's the amazing musician who wrote the songs that you hear in this podcast. We have had the privilege to be able to sing some of Allie's songs in our retreats and workshops, and they've been really powerful additions to our work with people. You can hear more of Allie's music and check out more about Allie on Allie's website, Allie Halpert.
That's A -L -Y -H -A -L -P -E -R -T dot com.