Building a Family Company Without Regret

This episode of The Twenty One Clear Podcast goes straight at a question many family business owners avoid: How do you build a great company with your family and not look back with regret?

Adam Hatcher is joined by Shane Arthur, executive coach and founder of Arthur Coaching, whose own story of turning down a corporate promotion grounds this conversation.

Together, they examine what regret looks like in real life, what gets lost when you chase company success, and how families can set priorities that help them be proud of their choices years later.

This is about choosing presence, naming tradeoffs, and planning for success that strengthens both company and family.

Key Highlights:
• Growth, liquidity, and control: why every family business has to choose two out of three when setting priorities, and what gets traded away.
• Shane’s decision to pause a rising corporate career, and the lasting impact of that call on his family and work.
• Where regret shows up for owners: the bite of missed moments as children grow, and how it becomes plain as kids prepare to leave home.
• How owners often devote their best creative energy to business, where progress can be quick, but at home, building trust and presence takes time and steady effort.
• The story of a viral marketing push: Shane describes missing three days with his kids at the beach, trading precious moments for online engagement.
• Strong planning questions for families: After you reach your business goals, what else must be true for you to be successful?

References:
• Shane Arthur’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachshanearthur/
• Shane Arthur's Coaching website: https://www.arthurcoaching.com/
• Post Adam references

21C Links
• Twenty One Clear website: www.21clear.com
• Adam Hatcher on LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/adamhatcher

Bumper Music
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by Nic D, Connor Price
(c) Lossless, 2023

Produced By
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Creators and Guests

Host

Adam Hatcher

Family Business Consultant

What is The Twenty One Clear Podcast?

The benefits of working with family include mutual trust, a shared long-term outlook, and quick decision making. However, your inner family business relationships can also cause chaos for the company and family.

What can you do?

Join us as we explore chaos proofing your family business so you can build a great company with a strong family around it.

21clear.com

Adam Hatcher: Hello and welcome to the
21 Clear Podcast where we talk about

anything to help you chaos, proof your
family business so you can build a great

company with a strong family around it.

I'm your host, Adam Hatcher, and
I am excited today to share a

conversation with you with Shane
Arthur, a phenomenal executive

coach from Raleigh, North Carolina.

And we're gonna talk with
Shane about the idea.

Of regret.

How do we build a great company
and not look back with regret?

I want to take a couple of minutes
and share an idea with you that

has helped me as I think about
setting goals as an owner, I.

But then we're gonna quickly pivot to
an interview with Shane where we expand

on that because families are in a unique
position to define success and broaden

it beyond just company financial results.

So let me share an idea and then we're
going to go to the interview with Shane.

We were at a conference, a
supplier conference for a

customer of the family's company.

One of the, one of the company's
executives got up and shared with the

suppliers, many of whom were family
businesses and family owned companies.

An idea that was new to me,
growth, liquidity, and control.

When you work in your family company,
you get to set the priorities.

The overall strategic priority, and you
can pick from those three, usually two

of them, growth, liquidity, and control.

So growth is expanding the company.

Liquidity is having money
outside of the company to.

Give to the owners to do things outside
of the business versus reinvesting it.

And then control is the degree to which
the family ownership group maintains

control of the company versus the bank,
or private equity or outside investment.

When you think about setting a big
strategic goal for your company,

a strategic foundation, you can
typically pick two of those three

and trade it off against the third.

Let me give you an example.

If you are a family owned company
that prioritizes growth and control,

what that means is you're seeking
to grow the business and because you

want to keep control, you're gonna
do it by reinvesting the profits.

You won't have as much to distribute
to the owners for them to do things

outside of the company because you
don't wanna bring in outside investment.

For the capital needs to grow.

You don't want to become over
leveraged to the bank, or if you do

take a loan out to the bank, you're
gonna pay it off pretty aggressively.

So you're offsetting liquidity owner
distributions, you're offsetting that or

trading it off to be growth and control.

We're recording this at the end of May.

You're probably starting to look back on
the first half of your year, look to the

second half, and even begin to think about
strategic planning for the next year.

If you've never thought about this
growth, liquidity, and control, and

sat down as a family and said, huh, I
wonder what we are, what are our two?

It could be one, but probably two.

What are our priorities?

It is a helpful framework for you,
but that's not the only way In family

owned companies we define success.

Shane Arthur, I.

Has a way.

He's our guest today and he has a way
of helping owners and executives, family

owned businesses or not look at what their
goals and priorities are, and then make

sure they don't look back in a few years
when they've accomplished them and regret

having missed out on something bigger.

I'm excited to share this
conversation with Shane with you.

Let's drop right into it.

Shane Arthur, welcome
to the 21 Clear Podcast.

How are things in Raleigh, North Carolina?

Shane Arthur: They're good, man.

They're really good.

Thanks for asking.

Adam Hatcher: Absolutely.

Uh, y'all, I am so excited to share
some time with Shane with you because

he is uniquely qualified to talk about
this idea of setting priorities and

being successful as a company, but
do it in a way that we don't look.

Back with regret, and Shane,
you won't talk about yourself.

So I will In June of 2019, Ja Shane
took a step out and started Arthur

Coaching and told me a while ago, he
woke up in the morning wanting to make

sure that owners and executives did not
look back in five years with regret.

How could he help them take steps today?

To not look back with regret.

And this approach, Shane, I mean,
you'd been in business for less than

two and a half years, and December
of 2021, influenced Digest named

Shane, one of the top 20 executive
coaches in Raleigh, North Carolina.

And you hadn't been in business that long.

And now here we are
almost six years later.

Uh, actually six years
later the next month.

So congratulations to you.

Shane Arthur: Thanks.

Adam Hatcher: So I just
wanna jump right in.

I.

You are really good at helping
people that are successful.

Think about regret, like what
is it about that that interests

you with successful people?

Shane Arthur: Thanks, Adam.

One of the things about about that
leaving story was, I had a good career

and as they put the next promotion on
the table, it was a third of the country.

Uh, and at that moment we had a six
month old and a 2-year-old, and life

was already stretched pretty thin, and
I could see where I could keep enjoying

my career, but it was clear quickly
that there would be real regret from

all that I would've missed at home.

And so it was a part of my story, um,
and I found working more and more with

business owners and CEOs that it's
a regular conversation with folks.

Adam Hatcher: And is it a conversation
that when people come to you, is it a

conversation they've been having or is
it something that getting a breath with

you, it allows 'em to start talking about.

Shane Arthur: It is usually an itch
that's in their head that they're

not really talking to people about.

Um, but it's not a new
idea that I'm introducing.

It's, it's there.

They've, they've created some kind
of, um, or reach some kind of plateau

in the professional lives and there.

They're thinking about
a pivot of some sort.

but with that, they're recognizing
the cost that they've just paid in

the last season and they're trying
to imagine what, what are they gonna

do differently, uh, in this next five
years that makes 'em look back proud

with the decisions that they made.

Adam Hatcher: Is there a particular age?

'cause you said they've gotten
to a point at the end of a phase.

Is there a particular age when you find.

People start soul searching.

Is it their forties, their fifties, or
can it kind of come in at any point?

Shane Arthur: Yeah.

I, I hope we're always dreaming
about what's next and how life

could be a little bit better.

I know that when I started this business,
I was working with older folks who

were, who were in their fifties, and
more and more of them were saying

things like, I've only got one more
year left with my daughter at home.

Helped me make the most of it.

And now as my, as my have spread out
a little bit more demographically,

I'm, I'm hearing more from people
who have small kids at home.

And are obviously very
different conversations.

but it, it's, it's noticeable to me that
there is typically much more regret in

the life of a business owner, uh, as
their kids are transitioning out of the

house, uh, whereas when their children
are still small, there is uh, really

just a deep sense of physical tiredness.

Adam Hatcher: So if you're talking
to a business owner who's getting to

that second, third, fourth, that final
son or daughter getting to the end of

high school and they're starting to
deal with looking back and thinking,

oh no, I might have missed something.

How do you help 'em with that?

Shane Arthur: It is just a catalyst.

You know, I love, I love looking

Adam Hatcher: Hmm.

Shane Arthur: but only because of how
it, it makes us change our behavior.

Uh, I, I, I'm not interested
in people feeling guilt or

shame for their past decisions.

We know those things are not
good long-term motivators for

anything, but they do open our eyes.

And so what we wished had been true
and, and my job as a coach is to get

a little sense of what they had wished
was true then make a very fast pivot

towards, well, what can be true tomorrow?

Adam Hatcher: Think about an
owner then who been successful.

They've realized they wanna make
a pivot before their next act.

What are some of, what are some
decisions you have to help them with

or some things they have to let go?

Shane Arthur: You know, we strategize
so much about our businesses

and, and think about what's next.

I love helping people think about how to
turn that strategy a little bit towards

Adam Hatcher: I.

Shane Arthur: outside of their business.

was on a call recently with a gentleman
who's, who's probably approaching a

pivot, and, and he and I were talking
about the summer coming up and kids

being outta school and what that meant.

And this is a guy who's,
who's not overworking.

He has, he has good boundaries, but
you know, he owns a wildly successful

business and, and so there's a
lot of responsibilities there.

He and I just talked about what
does it mean during this summer to

create surprise with your children?

What would that look like for you
to surprise them with your presence?

In a couple different ways this summer.

Just a way to start him dreaming about how
to use that strategic genius that he has,

but instead of towards new clients, back
towards these kids that he loves so much.

Adam Hatcher: Think about him
or about someone like that.

I'm sure someone's listening to this
as, as we get into June, into July,

and Shane, you may have just said
that, and they thought, Ooh, I would

love to surprise my kids with my
presence, and I don't even know that.

Like what does it even look
like to wrestle with that?

What would you tell, what would
you tell a person who's dealing

with that feeling right now?

Shane Arthur: I took one of my kids
to the dentist the other day, right

in the middle of the school day,
and simple, straightforward, pick

up, dentist, drop off, big hug.

It's good to see him during the day.

And as I walked him into school,
he said, dad, next time can we

just go to Chick-fil-A together?

And I thought.

Yeah, we, we could do that.

That's a real option for us to do that.

It's just outside of the, the ordinary.

Adam Hatcher: Mm-hmm.

Shane Arthur: so that, that's
what I'm thinking about is what

are opportunities that we have.

It's, it's part of the, you know, I
appreciated what you said earlier about

the, the three quadrants of your triangle.

One of the things that business
owners, uh, there always gonna be

holding onto control a little bit.

Right?

Like it's, it's their thing.

Uh, I, I don't find business
owners that aren't interested in

control to some degree, right?

That's why we don't work for other people.

I like how people use that.

I like how people own that.

They have a lot of freedom.

It's one of the reasons why I really
enjoy working with business owners is

whenever there's a, there's a word,
like, can't I get to pause them and

let them, and let them answer that?

Use a little different word for that.

Because we don't work for other people.

Right.

Like that.

That's just a different reality.

Adam Hatcher: Don't work for other people.

I am all but certain though, you've had to
help owners wrestle with something there.

Refusing to let go of in order to get
the thing that they, as you help 'em

see what they want to get, that there's
something, they're like, what are the,

if you're talking to somebody who's
having trouble letting go, what are

some of the things they just, you see
executives struggle to let go with?

Shane Arthur: Yeah.

I'm sure our audience have
some overlap in values.

nine times out of 10, it is responsibility
for people that they care about.

Uh, they have, they have built a
world, a business where they are just

responsible for almost every person
they interact with during a given day.

And so they might be willing to
sacrifice lots of things, uh, for

themselves, but what they're not
gonna do is not take care of people.

Uh, and I find that, that, um,
we're not paying attention.

We can treat that as a binary thing.

it's not binary, right?

Like there's always limits.

we just, we just like to, we always like
to do a little bit more for our employees

or a little bit more for our clients.

Uh, that that bar never is high enough.

And so I like to help folks
recognize what's going on there.

Adam Hatcher: So if it's not binary, I.

How do you help them realize that
it's more malleable than that?

Yeah.

Shane Arthur: So one of the biggest
gifts I have in my life is a 79-year-old

mentor who's got professional success
beyond my imagination, and somehow I get

to have lunch with him every other week.

And one of the things he says is
that the older and older you get.

The less problems you're solving.

We do more of that when we're
younger, when we're building

something, but as we get older,
we're managing tensions much more.

Uh, and I think that's the
conversation we're having right now.

You, you teed it up really well
as you talked about the three

tr edges of your triangle.

Um, this is real life, right?

Like this is business, family
health, wealth, church involvement,

philanthropic interests, like.

is tension between how we spend our
resources on all of these things.

like to tell people, just look
at their allocations, look

at what's getting their time.

Often what's getting their
best energy is a better

conversation with business owners.

Um, you know, most of the people I work
with and, and I, I think that you work

with, we're not talking about people
that are radically overworking, right?

We're talking about people
with decent boundaries that

try to make it home for dinner.

Um, but their energy, their creative and
strategic energy is almost always going

far more towards their business pursuits.

Uh, even though you and I both
know, they don't, they don't value

their business more than they
value their kids and their family.

Right.

I.

Adam Hatcher: But their business
is getting the majority.

Of their creative time.

That's a, that is a fascinating
way to frame that, Shane.

Not just your time, but where are
you getting your, your creative time?

Shane Arthur: Yeah, I, I didn't, I
didn't realize until I started working

with more and more business owners,
but I don't think, I don't think

strategic and creative work is, um,
I don't think it's just for business.

I just think that we've, we've been,
we've trained our minds to go there.

Um, and the reality is in, in a, in
a profit driven world, we usually

can see success there much faster.

So whenever I'm inviting

a wife or a husband to think about, um,
how they're engaging with their partner

or how they're engaging with their
children, and I realize it's a leap

that I'm asking for, I'm asking them
to take a risk somehow with these most

significant relationships in their lives.

I remind them it's gonna take longer.

Than it is when you lead a great meeting,
um, and see results very quickly.

sometimes we get impatient.

I think, I think often business owners
are impatient and, and I can get results

faster professionally than I can in my own
house, uh, almost every day of the week.

Adam Hatcher: How do you help
somebody get ready for that?

I mean, if.

If you're listening to the
podcast, um, not watching this,

you can't see me cracking up
'cause I've done the same thing.

And Shane, you know, I have, uh, one
of my sons has had a medical condition

over the last couple of years that has
taken using every bit of the strategic

creativity I used in partnering
in a family to scale a company.

It's taken every bit of that focused
on just the, that child's needs.

Shane Arthur: Mm-hmm.

Adam Hatcher: It was easier
to scale the company.

How do, how do you help
people get ready for both?

Letting go of some of their
redirecting, some of their strategic

energy and preparing for it not
being or seeming as effective?

Shane Arthur: Yeah.

I mean, we're back to
talking about regret, right?

Adam Hatcher: Yeah.

Shane Arthur: people like to say
on our deathbeds, nobody regrets

their lack of professional success.

They're always talking about their family.

I think that's unhelpful.

Uh, I actually think a lot of
people regret, uh, a lot of, uh,

Adam Hatcher: Hmm.

Shane Arthur: They didn't chase a little
bit harder, a little bit differently.

Adam Hatcher: Hmm.

Shane Arthur: with the fact that deeper
regrets usually do have to do with family.

Uh, I, I think that's true.

Again, I think this is a, this is
a tension that we're dealing with

and so I am often asking people
to fast forward a little bit.

Um, you know, with most of my
clients, I'm talking actively

about the next five years.

I think that is a great unit of time
to look at as we think about change.

Um, but, but even then,
asking them to look ahead.

Like when, when there are, you
know, when there's a, when your

kids are five, seven, and nine and
you're in that age and stage age,

you are going to have
an empty house, right?

It's going to happen.

And, and that is
unfathomable to me, right?

Like our kids are seven and nine.

I hope that is a long time away.

I want more and more time with
my kids in our house, it's coming

and can already fast forward.

Imagine that day with a low help.

And think back to this season,
what, what will I wish was true,

uh, for me about this summer, right?

Our kids get outta school in two weeks.

will I wish was true about this summer?

When my autopilot is to have more and
more powerful conversations with really

interesting people, That's my autopilot.

I think about, okay, let's do
that again instead of, yeah,

let's take my son to Chick-fil-A.

Adam Hatcher: When you say that, the
image I get, uh, last night I was

looking at my phone and it popped up.

If you've got an iPhone, it likes to feed
you memory videos, which are a great way

to sit and cry by yourself, but it was
of, it was of my wife and I looked back

at pictures from two years ago, from
2023 of places we had been together.

And realize that none of those
were in an office or on a call.

As much as I love this chase of
chaos, proofing a family business

and it is important, like you talking
with people and helping them not

look back with regret is important.

Practically, I think none of those
would've made it in that photo stream.

Um, and what I love to have had two or
three more intentional pictures in there.

There was one from a getaway we did.

We went to visit.

Her nephew, our nephew, um, in Scotland,
and I love that that was there and

it was really hard to do, but that's
one of those five years from now.

I'll be glad when that memory pops back up
that we carved out the time and did that.

Shane Arthur: That's right.

That's right.

when you're making those choices,
we wanna make sure you're present.

Right.

Uh, 'cause I find that many business
owners, once they've achieved a certain

level of success, they actually get really
good about booking really nice vacations.

And we end up talking about how do
you make sure you're present there?

I.

What in the world are you giving
away in the week before you leave to

make sure you don't need your phone?

Adam Hatcher: You told a
pretty honest story recently.

I'm curious if I could bait
you into telling it here about

what may have been the most.

To set this up, Shane has a
fantastic LinkedIn profile.

Uh, we're gonna link it in the
show notes, gets a lot of reactions

and maybe your most, if not one
of your most successful posts.

I remember you put it up as you went
on vacation with your family and it

wasn't that post that was interesting.

Do you mind sharing about the one
after it where you looked back with

regret on having been successful?

Because I remember you saying I
was on my phone the whole time.

I, I did it as someone on LinkedIn
with a social media presence.

You did what people wanna do it, it
went viral and it cost you a vacation.

Shane Arthur: Yeah.

Adam Hatcher: Yeah.

Shane Arthur: it was a, it was a great,
simple family vacation and, and I'm

a little too prolific on LinkedIn.

Just try to toss something on there every
day that encourages folks or ask folks to

ask some deeper questions of themselves.

And just tossed one up.

I think it was probably a repost of one
that had done well before, and I put it

up, I don't know, walking to the beach,
going out to the car for something.

And when I checked it an
hour later, it had exploded.

It's one of my four largest posts
ever in the history of LinkedIn.

And I spent the next three
days a post go viral.

Trying to respond to comments, right?

Once it starts going,
you don't wanna stop it.

And so a little bit of gas on it.

Three days of a vacation that my attention
was more on a viral LinkedIn post

instead of my kids sitting
there on the beach, like we were

literally building sandcastles.

And I was trying to think about when
was the next time I could sneak my

phone off and see what was going on.

Adam Hatcher: And it may sound,

it may sound trivial or silly to someone
outside of the coaching world, but.

Uh, getting attention on LinkedIn
and keeping your presence out there

is a, is a big part of building
your brand and building coaching.

It's similar if you're in a larger
company, if you're checking Slack

and teams and email or text messages.

It's the same as LinkedIn.

It's just, it's a different
app that pulls you away.

We've got people listening
who are coming in.

Shane, lemme ask you this
as a, as a final question.

They're coming into the strategic
planning part of the year.

You know, I love that.

And,

Shane Arthur: that.

Adam Hatcher: and my hope is, my hope is,
uh, in listening through this podcast that

if they've never asked that question, are
we growth, control, liquidity, control,

growth, liquidity, which of the, which
two of the three are we, uh, particularly

if our customers are in a particular,
going in a particular direction, if they.

Clearly pick two and then
start to build plans around

that, having set that priority.

You've talked about being in the room.

If you were in the room and asking
them, Hey, you're doing that, but

how are you gonna do it in a way
that you're not gonna look back in

five years and wish it was different?

Give me, I'm curious when you.

When you're talking to people who are
setting these audacious business goals,

'cause those are good, what's one
other thing you have them think about

or challenge 'em with or encourage 'em
in that you would tell our listeners

as they go in the rest of their year.

Shane Arthur: Yeah, it's
actually really simple.

Um,

whenever the big goal is established
and it's set, and they talk me

through it, I say very clearly, now,
let's assume that it's gonna work.

Let's just assume it's done.

What else needs to be true for
you to be happy about hitting it?

We set those big goals and then
we worry that we won't hit them.

The reality is we hit them right.

It It might take a little extra time.

It may cost us a little bit more
cash, but we usually hit our big

professional goals at some point.

Uh, I like to help people think about
what else, else should be true for us to

look back with a big smile on our face.

Adam Hatcher: And if you're in a family
owned company, if you're working together,

if you own the business together,
answering that question together is scary.

It's powerful, it's vulnerable,
but it will build something great.

It's those kind of questions, Shane,
that are so foundational, uh, to building

a great company with a strong family.

And I love how you said it before,
not losing yourself along the way

and looking back without regret.

Shane, thank you.

Yeah, it is.

Well, Shane, thank you so much.

Um.

I'll just say you are the
first guest on the 21 Clear

Podcast, which means two things.

Uh, you are the best and it
will only get better from here.

Shane Arthur: Mm-hmm.

A

Adam Hatcher: Thank you
so much for being here.

Yeah.

Well, so if you look at the,
if you look at the show notes.

Shane's LinkedIn profile is there.

He also recently launched a great
website for Arthur Coaching, uh, those

that's in the show notes as well.

How you can help us at 21 Clear is by
subscribing or following this podcast

once a month we are gonna have a
guest like Shane or some of our own

observations all around how you chaos,
proof of family business to build a

great company with a strong family.

I am deeply thankful, uh,
to you for listening today.

I hope as you think about success
and regret, you take a couple of

things that can help you get better,
your family and your company, uh,

and so we will see you next time,
as my grandfather would've said.

Thank you so very, very
much for listening.