Ep 6: Sports, Character, and Growing Up: A Father's Journey with His Son

When your teenager starts reflecting your own traits back at you, parenting gets real

Michael Guidotti shares his journey raising 13-year-old Donovan, a remarkable young man who chooses family time over friends and stands firm when his character gets attacked. From sports bonding and travel adventures to navigating split households and teenage development, Michael reveals how authentic parenting means paving your own path while staying open to feedback. This fatherhood podcast explores the beautiful complexity of watching your child develop their identity while seeing yourself reflected in their choices.

Key Takeaways: 

• Start becoming a parent before the baby arrives
• Kids mirror our behaviors more than we realize
• Character matters more than popularity to some teens
• Family-oriented values can emerge naturally in children
• Teenage identity development requires support, not control
• Sports create powerful bonding opportunities between fathers and sons
• Split households can still raise well-adjusted, family-focused kids
• Confidence in your parenting path is essential
• Mistakes are inevitable and valuable in the parenting journey
• Character attacks hurt deeply when integrity matters to your child

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Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Creators and Guests

Host

Tony Cooper

Tony Cooper is the founder of Playing the Game of Business, a business coach, father, and podcast host.

What is The Dad Manual?

The Dad Manual is a fatherhood podcast hosted by Tony Cooper, featuring honest conversations with dads about the real, unfiltered journey of parenthood. This parenting podcast for dads explores everything from the excitement of being a first time dad to navigating the teenage years. As one of the best podcasts for expecting dads and experienced fathers alike, we dive deep into what it actually means to be a modern dad—the struggles, the growth, the mistakes, and the moments that change you forever. Whether you're looking for a new dad podcast or seasoned parenting wisdom, this family podcast delivers the honest guidance you won't find in books.

[Michael Guidotti] (0:00 - 0:04)
You have to start becoming a parent before the day that the baby is actually born.

[Tony Cooper] (0:04 - 0:38)
I don't know if we've talked about this, but you know, I've broken out childhood. It's like there's three phases, three seven year cycles. Like the whole finish it, close the loop.

But you know, in business, we know we need to. It doesn't matter that you complete it. The other person needs to know about it.

Those are just lessons that they learn along the way. I am Tony Cooper, host of the Dad Manual podcast, and I'm here today with one of my favorite dads, Michael. You please introduce yourself.

[Michael Guidotti] (0:38 - 0:42)
My name is Michael Guidotti, and I'm a great dad, and I have some wisdom to share.

[Tony Cooper] (0:42 - 0:50)
Yeah, yes, you do. Why don't we get started? Why don't you tell me about this being who made you a dad?

[Michael Guidotti] (0:50 - 0:53)
Yeah, that would be my 13 year old son, Donovan.

[Tony Cooper] (0:54 - 0:56)
Yeah, so tell me about Donovan.

[Michael Guidotti] (0:56 - 1:38)
He is 13. He is a, I used to think he was a lot different than me, but as he's getting, he's getting into his teenage year now. I'm like, okay, like this is, he's definitely got a lot more in me, of me and him that I even, that I even thought before.

But he's a, no, he's awesome. He's a, you know, super into athletics, great student. Probably most impressive thing I'd say more recently that I've really noticed is his commitment to family at such an early age.

You know, especially with him being in, you know, a split household, right? And so just seeing him kind of grow and stuff that, yeah, it's pretty awesome.

[Tony Cooper] (1:39 - 1:43)
How's that show up? What are you seeing his commitment to family look like?

[Michael Guidotti] (1:43 - 2:35)
It's like we're, you know, he'll have, you know, friends that will stay the night, and then there'll be weekends where he's just like, hey, like, I just want it to be like me and you, or hey, I haven't went and saw my, because my grandmother is still alive, so his great grandmother, and he's like, I just want to go hang out with grandma and great grandma. And so to see a 13-year-old, you know, who is, you know, Mr. Popular and is super into sports and has this huge community of friends that are always over, like, you know, hitting the pause button so he can go and, you know, literally sit, you know, my grandma's not super mobile. So it's like, they're going to go to Applebee's with my mom, and they're going to go back and watch a movie.

And he's going to, you know, sit there and hang out and maybe play a game of like Skipbo or Uno. And so yeah, it's just really, it's really impressive to me.

[Tony Cooper] (2:35 - 2:41)
That's awesome. Is that like a strictly Donovan characteristic? Or where did that come from?

[Michael Guidotti] (2:41 - 3:20)
No, I mean, definitely family oriented as well. But I think, you know, just think sometimes you get busy with life, right? So sometimes not being fully intentional about it.

So definitely, I think it's a him thing, because it's something that I haven't been, you know, super great at outside of like time with him and stuff, but it's like, with the rest of the extended family and stuff. And so for him to be so like mindful, or even like it, you know, he's the one suggesting it. It's like, oh, wow, like, it just it's very impressive.

It's very mature for, I feel like for especially that age range.

[Tony Cooper] (3:20 - 3:24)
And Applebee's is like the perfect grandparent dinner situation.

[Michael Guidotti] (3:27 - 3:45)
That or Sizzler. And then it's so funny, because he's very, like, mindful now about like, you know, what he's putting into his body food wise and things. And so he'll even be like, Oh, yeah, we went to Sizzler.

But I was I was really good. You know, I had a salad. I'm like, Oh, you went to Sizzler and you had a salad?

[Tony Cooper] (3:48 - 3:51)
I had steak on it, dad. Don't worry about it. Yeah.

[Michael Guidotti] (3:51 - 3:54)
Yeah. I was like, Oh, my goodness. Yeah, it's pretty funny.

[Tony Cooper] (3:54 - 4:14)
Yeah. Well, it's interesting, the observation that, that it seems that the older he gets, the more you see either you in him or him and you or what, what was that change? What did you what was he like?

And what are you seeing now? And also, what do you think contributed to that coming out?

[Michael Guidotti] (4:14 - 5:59)
Yeah. So I mean, I think it's probably just the more I think it's maybe more paying attention as they, you know, as he becomes older. And it's like, it's a different level.

Like, it's like, okay, like, as a kid, you know, that's cute. It's a baby. It's like the, you know, the baby talk, but it's like, then as they're getting older, and he's, he's maturing, and then his vernacular is changing.

And I hear him talk, you know, talk like me, but still himself, but just, you know, some mannerisms. And, you know, then it's like, it's just funny, because I've always seen him. So I'll tell you where one of the one of the switches came from with me was, he had a bunch of friends over, and I had a friend over, and we were sitting there talking.

And it's a friend that I grew up with since like high school. And I was like, Oh, like, I'm, you know, I'm glad that he didn't really get like my switch, like my temper, like, you know, things. I'm like, I'm really like thankful.

And he's outside with some of the other friends. And he has one friend that's sitting on the couch that's on his phone. And he puts the phone down and looks up.

He's like, who ain't got a switch? Donnie? And we sit there, we look at like, what are you talking about?

And then that kid calls his brother in. And he was like, he's like, Hey, does Donovan have a switch? He's like, Oh, yeah, he does.

And I was sitting there like, Oh, my goodness. Like, and then they start. And then those two start just like sharing stories.

And I was like, Oh, wow. Okay, like, you know, there's stuff that I don't see. And none of it was like bad, right?

But it was just like, they're like, Oh, no, like, you can tell like, when he's like, not in the mood. And like, he'd get like, hit you with like the eye. And I'm like, Oh, that's good that he's never attempted to hit me with the eye.

[Tony Cooper] (6:00 - 6:20)
Yeah, well, there, you know, there's this idea that, you know, we're teaching our kids all the time, especially, especially when we're not trying to teach them anything. And so it's interesting to think, like, you know, did you teach him that? Like, did that come from you?

Or is that just in him? You know, nature versus nurture? What, you know, what do you think that's?

[Michael Guidotti] (6:20 - 7:26)
Yeah, it's so interesting. I go back and forth on it. Because then there's also the piece of like, you hear stories and stuff.

So it's like, Oh, like, you might not have, like, seen it. But then it's like, Oh, you hearing stories about things that your parents did, or whatever, does that have an impact to you? So I, you know, the nature versus nurture is an interesting one, because I talked to my dad, you know, a relatively good amount, you know, growing up, but you know, he lived in in the east coast in DC, and then I was out here.

So, you know, never spent a ton of physical time around each other. But then even as I like, like family members on that side, now that we've gotten closer, and, you know, go to more, you know, regular things are like, Oh, my gosh, like, you guys do like the same things. And it's like, so then there's that point where I'm like, okay, maybe it is.

But then, yeah, so I don't know, I don't know if it's nature versus nurture. But I do think that there's something about just being around, you know, all the time, and to get picking up on those mannerisms, right, and, you know, picking up on those things, which I think are, which I definitely think has an impact for sure.

[Tony Cooper] (7:26 - 7:49)
Yeah, and it's probably subconscious in a lot of the ways that behavior is just, you know, I'll see it on my kids, and be like, Oh, my God, I do that exact same fucking thing. Like, oh, my. And I'm like, Wait, did they get that from me?

Did I get that from them? It's, I mean, they're, they're mirrors. I mean, like, there's nothing else you've ever done in your life where you had yourself mirrored back to you quite as much as having, you know, having a kid.

[Michael Guidotti] (7:49 - 7:51)
Yeah, 100%. 100% agree with that.

[Tony Cooper] (7:51 - 8:10)
All right, so I'm curious, before you became a dad, like, what was that process of becoming a dad? When you were you somebody who always thought you wanted to be one? Did it come to later?

And then, and then in that process, like what shaped your ideas about being a dad?

[Michael Guidotti] (8:11 - 9:43)
Yeah, so I for sure, wanted. Yeah, I was 24 and 24 when he was, when he was born. So I had had a few years before, you know, not definitely not old, but not, you know, straight out of high school, like, you know, like a lot of people.

So I went through, you know, the ability to get out there, you know, have roommates did the party and thing like that whole, you know, piece of it. So I felt like it was one of those things for me. You know, I always kind of viewed that I was going to have an army of kids.

You know, so a lot of people are surprised. They're like, you really only have one? I'm like, yeah, I know.

But, you know, it is a, it was definitely something that I, that I wanted and was excited for definitely, you know, a lot of shifting happens, you know, psychologically as you prep to get ready for that. Right. It's like the stuff that I didn't think about before it was like, okay, like, what do I, you know, what do I need to be ready for?

It's like, okay, like, is this, is this expense really needed? Like, you know, we're going to have daycare. There's going to be these other things.

So it definitely starts to re-evaluate your priorities even prior to, you know, officially becoming, you're like, you're, you're, you have to start becoming a parent before the day that the baby is actually born. And so I think that that's, you know, that, that shift, it's not necessarily easy. But it's also not, some of it is just like subconsciously, I feel like it almost started to just like rewire just certain things.

[Tony Cooper] (9:43 - 10:13)
It's a good way of saying it. Cause one of the things I, I definitely have observed is, and I've said a lot to new parents is you just have to accept the fact that life as you know, it is over, right? Your life will never be the same.

And you can take that a number of different ways. I don't mean it negatively. I mean, obviously being a dad is amazing, but, but it shifts, it changes.

And I'm just curious. So when you became a dad, what did that mean to you? And then what did change in your life as a result?

[Michael Guidotti] (10:13 - 10:54)
Yeah. I think something for me that the, the way that I looked at it, or I think very quickly began to look at is like, no, I was old enough that I'd seen so many people from all different, you know, ages and stuff that had become parents. And it's like, okay, people with money that completely struggled people that, you know, were married that were quickly divorced.

So it's like, I looked at it as like, there's no such thing as being ready. Like you're never going to be ready. It sounded like the getting ready to get ready.

Like you can be more well, better positioned from a financial, from a work life, but like you can be better positioned, but nobody's ever ready because how do you get ready for something that you don't know what it's going to be?

[Tony Cooper] (10:54 - 11:05)
That's a great, that's a great distinction, Michael. Like you're never going to be ready, but you could be better positioned. There's a lot to that for sure.

[Michael Guidotti] (11:05 - 12:18)
Cause you know, I heard all of the things it's like, well, get ready to not sleep through the night. Well, like Mike, like Donovan slept through the night almost like always and still does like, and now he sleeps through his fricking alarm. It's like, it's like a lot of these things that are thrown out there as like, whether it's, whether it's educational, whether it's tongue in cheek or whether it's really like barriers to like, oh, you should really rethink this because this it's like, I just got really, I think lucky in the sense that like, a, whether it was partly the mindset going into it or just then the outcome of like what was actually, you know, happening, it was, you know, it really was, you know, I won't say that it was easy, especially when, you know, then you deal with separation, you deal with split household, those types of things.

But from a, just like being a dad with him, it was, I mean, it was way, way different experience. It's kind of even hard to describe the, the bond that I think he and I have like out of the gate, but it wasn't, it wasn't honestly a difficult shift for me because I think I was just so excited about, you know, about having him.

[Tony Cooper] (12:18 - 12:26)
And so what else about your mindset was it that you brought into it? Because you, I know you're a big mindset guy and I know you're very intentional.

[Michael Guidotti] (12:26 - 12:26)
Yeah, big mindset.

[Tony Cooper] (12:26 - 12:27)
What was that like?

[Michael Guidotti] (12:28 - 13:20)
The, the, the ready versus, you know, better situation, like that, that was a huge thing for me. And I think it was also just like, like, I just have this like thing of really manifesting, you know, things. And it's like, I'm not going to fail at this.

Like, I'm not going to fail at anything that I put my, my mind to. So, you know, I'm going to be a good dad. I'm going to be there for him.

I'm going to, you know, work my ass off to provide the things that, that, you know, he wants and needs. And so I think for me, it was really just like, you know, the grind change. Like I always, you know, had, had multiple jobs and things like that.

And I actually still did right after he was, he was born, but it was also like, okay, like I'm going to grind now. I'm going to, you know, make sure that I'm in a better situation, not needing these two jobs by the time he gets to an age that he can, you know, remember it.

[Tony Cooper] (13:21 - 13:22)
What would you say that age is?

[Michael Guidotti] (13:22 - 14:04)
Uh, you know, for me, for me, it was like, you know, four or five. Like, I think, you know, for me, that's kind of what I was, I was targeted because it was like, okay, then he's going to be into sports and then there's going to be additional, you know, things that are going to be, you know, coming up. And then, you know, the day his day almost starts to mirror my day at that point too, because then he's in school, he's not just in daycare.

So it's like, he's at school most of the day that I'm going to work during that period of time. So I think for me, that was that kind of target age. But I, you know, there's not a right or wrong age for it.

But that's kind of what I, in my mind was like, all right, like I'm going to really, really grind it out and, you know, get in a better position by this point.

[Tony Cooper] (14:04 - 14:32)
You definitely sound like you had your head on your shoulders pretty clear about this. So what was the impact of like your relationship with your dad or, you know, or parents that, you know, that you either admired and wanted to emulate or, you know, didn't and wanted to avoid? You know, what did you bring into it intentionally from your childhood, you know, passing it forward?

[Michael Guidotti] (14:32 - 16:11)
Yeah, I think it was, you know, my mom's struggled, worked multiple jobs, but I always was in, you know, I was always in sports. I was always, you know, able to still kind of be able to do to an extent. You know, with some limitations, but it was like, no, I think on the surface, not many would have known the struggle that she went through and just, you know, the paycheck to paycheck and, you know, after she got out of the military and, you know, that piece of it.

And so there was definitely the hard work and my dad worked hard too, but it's like being around my mom every day and seeing, you know, what she did while also still helping take care of my grandma. And, you know, my cousins had a lot of challenges. And so, you know, we oftentimes would be helping take care of them.

And so just seeing like, OK, she had barely anything and was still willing to give so much to so many people. But I never felt left out, you know, in that piece of it. And then, you know, with my dad being across the across the US, you know, it was it was a different relationship.

We still had a relationship. You know, we still talked on a regular basis, you know, with a couple little things here and there. But most of our always talked on a regular basis.

He would try to come out, you know, if not once a year, then, you know, every other year. And so we still have that relationship. But it wasn't the, you know, every day or the typical kind of like, you know, I don't know what typical is anymore these days, but it wasn't me.

You know, you know, this week I'm at dad's this week and I'm at mom's. It wasn't you know, it wasn't that like I didn't go out to the East Coast to visit him until I think I was like 12 or 13. And so, you know, it was just it was just a different kind of structure.

[Tony Cooper] (16:11 - 16:17)
How old were you when they split? I was before I was born. Oh, really?

So yeah, so they were never with your dad.

[Michael Guidotti] (16:17 - 16:43)
No. So they were both in the military. So we were stationed in in Germany in Frankfurt.

And so he had gotten out of the military, went back to the East Coast where he's from. And then my mom stayed in the military for a few more years after that. And then my grandma actually moved out to Germany to help take care of me while my mom was stationed there.

And then we ended up we ended up coming back when she got out. So.

[Tony Cooper] (16:43 - 16:46)
So you mostly grow up without a dad.

[Michael Guidotti] (16:46 - 16:54)
Yeah, without without like the daily, right? Daily, you know, the daily, you know, interaction. So, yeah.

[Tony Cooper] (16:54 - 16:58)
And what what impact did that have on you in becoming a dad?

[Michael Guidotti] (16:58 - 17:41)
Yeah, I think it was just the like, I'm, you know, I'm always going to be like, I'm going to be in the picture daily. Right. And I mean, not necessarily that.

And it was not a fault or an abandonment or anything like that, that, you know, happened in my situation. But it was like for me, it's like, shit, I don't even know what him, you know, him and my mom fully like went through. But like, I can't I wouldn't be able to deal with that of like not seeing my kid on a super, super regular basis.

And sometimes it's situations that impact that sometimes it's choices. And so it's like not not really judgment anywhere, but it was more like that was going to be too difficult for me. So like, I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that that's not what happens here.

[Tony Cooper] (17:41 - 17:46)
When did you and Donovan's mom, when did when did you guys split? How old was he?

[Michael Guidotti] (17:46 - 17:48)
Like six, like five, six months.

[Tony Cooper] (17:49 - 17:51)
Okay, so same similar, like really early.

[Michael Guidotti] (17:52 - 18:51)
Yeah, really early. And I think it was one of those like, I think we I think we both like knew. And I think in hindsight, like my one of the things that I'm most appreciative about is that it was that early.

Right. And so, you know, I know some of the the traumas that my friends have have dealt with and seen, and whether it's them as parents or them as, you know, kids experiencing it. And, you know, for both me and and Donovan, I'm sure that there's subsequent things that have impacts that, you know, are are not good in that situation.

But at least in my mindset, it's like, okay, he never knows, you know, he never experienced those challenges or arguments or those types of things. Like, all he ever knew was going to mom's house, going to dad's house, and we were, you know, 5050. And so it's like, this is just his normal from kind of day one.

So he didn't have to necessarily readjust or, you know, those types of things.

[Tony Cooper] (18:51 - 20:26)
It seems that there's the that there's that instinct to for a lot of people to go, let's just stay together for the kids. Let's stay together for the kids. And I always look at that going, man, I mean, no judgment.

But, you know, all you're doing is projecting onto them or or modeling that it's okay to be in a relationship where you don't like each other. And I think the idea that you stay mutually committed to the development and raising of your child is is so important. And that's the message.

But man, when people just don't like each other and the kids know that, I mean, we really make an impact on our kids in the ways that we're not even aware of, but in our beingness, not even like the way we do things. So I really appreciate it. Also, like when when when a family gets divorced, the the kid, especially if they're conscious, if they're awake post, you know, six or four or five, six, something like that.

I mean, their whole world is based on like these two entities, mom and dad together. Like that is the origin of their entire world. So when they go apart, like really what's happening is their whole world falls apart and then they have to rebuild it.

So I really, you know, appreciate it. Like, hey, if you know it's not going to work, just don't even create that reality for them. And so that, you know, he grew up knowing that you had, you know, he had two parents that didn't live together.

So what did you guys do in terms of making sure that he felt loved, that you weren't pitting each other off each other? Like, how did you approach that?

[Michael Guidotti] (20:26 - 22:07)
Yeah, I think I think a lot of it comes with, right, just the age that he was right there was, you know, like like every, you know, your relationship that comes to an end. Right. There's definitely that period where, you know, not going to pretend that everything was all hunky dory.

Right. There was a long period where there was very limited, you know, communication outside of text or email and things like that. But I think the difference is, is because I think that we went through all of that so early before he was even, you know, verbal.

Then by the time that he really did get to some of those key kind of cognitive years, like we were already kind of past past all of that. Right. Most of the animosity, you know, both in, you know, different relationships, it kind of just, you know, went about our lives.

And so then as he's getting older, right, we're both at the different, you know, school plays, we're both at practices and, you know, basketball games. And and it's not even just us, but like his family support system as a whole, you know, from, you know, my mom, my partner, my you know, my friends like, you know, his mom's family, her partner, like it just very much, you know, he's always had a community. And so, you know, we're not always sitting on the same bench together or anything like that.

But it's also, you know, it's walked by. Hey, how's it going? You know, you know, the acknowledgement, you know, if it's his mom's weekend taking him, you know, we all huddle around at the end, say our goodbyes.

And then, you know, he goes with her, vice versa. So I think it just it the healing began early enough on that that he didn't, you know, it's just a unique situation in the sense that he doesn't remember any of that.

[Tony Cooper] (22:08 - 22:22)
Yeah, I like I like that, too, that there's a bit of a like a ritualistic thing to it that you do. Is there are there other rituals that you've established with him over the years that you do like that are your thing that your family thing?

[Michael Guidotti] (22:23 - 24:10)
Oh, goodness. We have a bunch. So we we actually recently we haven't been doing it quite as much, but we did do it last week for a while there, like every morning we would we would go out into the hot tub.

And that was just like our thing in the morning. You know, the way that the way that electricity and bills work, that starts to that starts to pile up a little bit. But yeah, for a while there, you know, he and I would go in the hot tub in the morning with just it.

What are you excited about for today? And it was just like that 10 and it was probably no more than 10 to 15 minutes. Yeah, just that was kind of like our little time to, you know, just sit there and kind of connect and, you know, not on phones, not on, you know, electronics.

And it's just, you know, that piece of it. Obviously, we have a we have a very big connection around sports. So, you know, oftentimes we'll just watch, you know, watch a game together or, you know, or after his games driving home, it's like, OK, like, what did you think about today?

And, you know, and now even with his relationship with like my dad, you know, they'll be texting or he'll call him after the game, you know, and so that that's definitely something that that, you know, we know that we share, you know, holidays, you know, it's always watching all that, you know, the holidays, like Home Alone probably gets watched, you know, between 30 and 40 times, you know, in this this month and a half window that we're in. Almost on repeat between one and two.

And I'll try to get them to watch like all the subsequent like crappy ones that got made that weren't with the main characters. Yeah. So stuff, you know, stuff like that is pretty, you know, is some of the key examples, I could say.

[Tony Cooper] (24:10 - 24:31)
And those are the moments. So, you know, it's not about the hot tub. It's not about the sports.

It's not about the movie. There's something in that that connection, that time, the intimacy or something that gets established in it that, you know, could you speak to that? What do you what have you noticed as a result of of being committed to those things?

[Michael Guidotti] (24:31 - 26:16)
I think it's just the connection. I think it's just the regardless of any of the other stuff that's happened when you have the those moments, right? Because there's there's still the challenging moments right there.

So when you come home and, you know, great isn't where it's supposed to be. And, you know, and I know that I can be very I know what he's capable of. And so I sometimes always expect him to be at that standard.

And I think that, you know, the challenge that I have at times is like, he's going to have a drop here. He's going to have something that, you know, slips through and and but I also know what he's capable of. And so I think that those moments allow it's like.

We have those, regardless of whether something bad happened or not, you know, or something, you know, challenging. And so I think that that's where he. I'm going to speak on his behalf, but it's like he wouldn't he always knows how much I love him.

And and I think that that to me is like the most important thing. And it's like, even when there are those moments where we have to have a tough conversation or, you know, I am frustrated with him on something like we always will come back after. And it's like, you know, I love you, right?

He's like, yeah, I know. I'm like, OK, and you know why, you know, and whether we agree or not, can you at least understand why? And I'm big.

I'm very big on that, I would say. And I've always told him, like, you don't need people to agree with you and you don't need to agree with people. You know, there's a time and place, especially based on authority level.

Like, you don't need to tell your teacher that you don't agree with them all the time. But if you can at least understand where somebody is coming from. Yeah, that's like that's that to me is like the Holy Grail.

[Tony Cooper] (26:16 - 26:18)
Yeah, I know your audience, too.

[Michael Guidotti] (26:19 - 26:20)
And know your audience.

[Tony Cooper] (26:21 - 26:56)
Yeah, so that's really good, because I love that where you when you said, I know what he's capable of. And so another way of saying that is like you you're intimate with his greatness. You know who he is.

And I think the frustration as a parent is when they're just not showing up that way, when they're not when they're when they're not stepping into their own greatness. And so I think that's what you were saying is how you reflect back to him that like, I see I hold you up here. I see you here, but I see you showing up here.

Is that kind of the nature of how that communication goes?

[Michael Guidotti] (26:56 - 27:45)
Yeah, and the beauty is, is it's normally in such short windows, right? Where that where that does happen, but it would be something that, you know, like a grade, for instance, and like he's in, you know, of his six classes, four of them are honors classes. And, you know, and it's like, like, that's amazing.

And then it's like, I'll see like the beginning of the semester, it's all A's, all A's, then it'd be a slip in. And then we get to the end. And it was like, did like have this like, how do you have a C going into like the final thing?

And then and then when I go through the stuff, it's like stupid shit, like homework that's sitting in your backpack that you freaking did, and you didn't turn it right. And I'm like, and that's like the shit where I'm just like, what you're freaking capable of. Like, that's, that's even a bad example, because the capability is turning in the fucking paper.

Right, right.

[Tony Cooper] (27:46 - 28:15)
That's such a kid thing, though. Like, that's a good thing, you know, to focus on, like, that is such a kid thing to do the work, and then just forget. I don't know how you forget to turn it in, because I'm sure you go into class and class like, alright, everybody, give me your homework.

But you must be one totally forget to be completely zoned out because I'm checking her out, or I'm talking with my homie or whatever, like, but that's, it's a good learning thing, right? Because it does, it's, it's, it's painless in general, right? It's stupid.

[Michael Guidotti] (28:15 - 28:15)
Yeah.

[Tony Cooper] (28:15 - 28:22)
But doesn't mean long term impact. But how do you turn that into a real lesson so they can learn from it?

[Michael Guidotti] (28:22 - 28:25)
You know, we'll see the next, we'll see the next progress.

[Tony Cooper] (28:26 - 28:27)
I'll let you know.

[Michael Guidotti] (28:29 - 28:59)
You know, I, it's just the repetition of it, because that's literally like what I walk them through. I'm like, okay, so they sent they sent this to you on Monday, right? Yeah, you spent Tuesday and Wednesday doing it.

But yeah, I literally saw you for an hour working on it. Or you were working on a year after school program, because he goes to like the bridges after school program, like, so you spent two, three hours working on this thing. But you didn't take the final five seconds to literally pull it out and then hand it close loop.

[Tony Cooper] (28:59 - 28:59)
Yeah.

[Michael Guidotti] (29:00 - 29:12)
I'm like, and to your point, it's like, and I know this isn't something that was completely on you. Like they probably said, turn in your paper. So like, were you talking to people?

They're like, what, like, how do you know? I don't know.

[Tony Cooper] (29:12 - 29:43)
I don't know. And when people say like, I get parents get frustrated and the kid goes, I don't know. I don't know.

Like, they're not lying to you. Like they really don't know because it wasn't on their radar. It was like, you know, it makes sense.

Like I got a homework assignment. I did the homework assignment. I'm done.

Like the whole finish it, close the loop. What, you know, in business, we know we need to, it doesn't matter that you complete it. The other person needs to know about it.

Those are just lessons, you know, that they learn along the way. And also just, you know, it's good to remember that their brains are not fully developed.

[Michael Guidotti] (29:44 - 29:55)
Yeah. And that's like, and that, I don't know where I can get some of them. Like, oh no, you actually do know, but that one's like, yeah, I agree.

Like you really must not know. Cause you spent all this time and effort actually doing the project.

[Tony Cooper] (29:55 - 29:58)
To shoot yourself in the foot right at the end. Yeah.

[Michael Guidotti] (29:58 - 30:51)
Yeah. And so, and, and I think with him too, cause he's got a goal of, you know, sports and, and, you know, to, to, you know, really pursue that. So just getting the, like, okay, dude, you're going to need a scholarship though.

And guess what? Like that ties into the grades and, you know, unless you're the LeBron or the, you know, this person, like, you're not gonna be able to have certain grades and then still get the offers and still get the, you know, those opportunities. And so, you know, now when you're 13, you're in eighth grade, you can get away with that.

But like high school is like literally from your first year on, that is your GPA. That is your, like, that's your tryout. That's your tryout for colleges.

So like every report card, every game, every whatever, like you're on the big stage.

[Tony Cooper] (30:51 - 31:27)
Yeah. That's your academic fingerprint. That is for sure.

I like what you said though. I mean, I think it's a good lesson. It's, it's repetition.

It's layering. It's the same message over and over. And, you know, I think it's different.

Those of us that grew up when, you know, messages were typically delivered in a yelling sort of way, it's a lot harder for the kid to hear it. Right. Because they're introducing shame and I'm like, I, how do I make this stop?

But, you know, that repetition, which is, we talked about this, here it is again. We talked, I mean, I want them to get tired of the conversation. So they're like, fine, I'll do something about it.

[Michael Guidotti] (31:28 - 31:52)
A hundred percent. And he, what's funny with him too, is like now, and again, it doesn't happen very often with him. So that's like where the other piece, but like, he even knows, like something happens.

He'll call me and be like, all right. He calls me Popeye's. He's like, all right, Popeye's.

You might not be totally happy about this, but, but, or he'll be like, do you want the good news or the bad news first? And I'm like, you're not supposed to be hitting me with that.

[Tony Cooper] (31:53 - 31:55)
And I'm definitely, definitely your kid, homie.

[Michael Guidotti] (31:57 - 32:04)
I'm like, which one do you think? I'm like, just tell me.

[Tony Cooper] (32:05 - 32:13)
And that he- That man, as parenting, that we just like that constant one-upmanship. You think you know my game, I'll give you my next level. Yeah.

That's great.

[Michael Guidotti] (32:14 - 32:37)
And he knows, like, and so now it's like, and again, it just happens so infrequently, but now it's like, he's like, all right, so am I going to have no friends or am I going to lose my phone? Or like, it's like, all right, he just kind of walks up. He's like, all right, like here, here's like, I know, I know, I know the token for entry.

So I already sent the text out to everyone. I might not have my phone for the night.

[Tony Cooper] (32:40 - 32:44)
So you're a consequence guy?

[Michael Guidotti] (32:47 - 34:35)
I think I've taken his phone for a night or two, like twice since he's had it in three, two or three years. And I would say that's the other thing that like with his mom and I, like, it's very much I mean, he never wants her to have to call me because it's more of the, like, and that should be like, yo, do you, do I need to call you that? He's like, no, or like her and I'd be talking about something.

She's like, yeah, we were arguing the other day. I'm like, what do you mean arguing? And she's like, oh, like Donna, what is this arguing?

He's like, no, you weren't supposed to say that. And I'm like, yeah, dude, like you, you're lucky that you, she didn't tell me until today. I was like, cause I literally want to take your phone and like pull you out of this game before it started.

But, but, you know, we're pretty good about like, you know, a couple of times when something small has happened, it's like, Hey, like this, you know, I'm not going to have him have TV or, you know, friends over here. And she's like, okay, same thing over here then. And so it was, you know, just cause he is very, and our, our schedule is a little bit different too, because we really did not.

Um, I don't think either of us really wanted to go a week. You know, some, some families do the week on week off. I just know that wouldn't have worked for, I don't think it would have worked for her.

It definitely wouldn't have worked for me. And so we do like two on two off and three on. So like, I'll have a Monday, Tuesday, she'll have a Wednesday, Thursday, then I have them that weekend.

And then she'll have the following Monday, Tuesday. And it's worked well. Cause then you never go more than three days really don't even go that long.

He's in so many sports that he's always got a game on Friday or Saturday. So, you know, it's rarely, it's rare that either of us are going more than two, you know, two days, unless there's travel for work or something out of the usual. But, um, you know, so it's worked out very well.

They just have kind of that consistency.

[Tony Cooper] (34:35 - 34:53)
Yeah. So, so Donovan sports guy, Michael sports guy, right. So, and you were talking about before just that opportunity for connection through it.

So how have you leveraged sports to create connection with him? What's your involvement been? Like, how's that played out?

[Michael Guidotti] (34:53 - 35:49)
It's everything. It's, uh, everything except for coaching it. And he's, he still is like, I want before my, like before I'm done, I want you to coach my schedule.

It makes it difficult, especially to be the head coach. Um, and so that's something I've kind of looked into, but I mean, from, you know, play together. So like, we'll go in the front yard, shoot hoops together.

Um, you know, he, I'm in a men's basketball league. He'll go to my games. So now what started happening is cause I'd always be like, you know, you know, he'd be like, Oh, do you see those three threes I made?

And I'm like, yeah. And I saw that turnover and the two fouls that you had. And it'll be like, and so, but so now what's funny because he's a little smart ass.

Cause he's my son, he'll be leaving my game. He'll be like Popeye's. He's like, do you see those two turnovers?

And I'm like, he was like, and you missed two free throws and you missed a layup. And I'm like, all right.

[Tony Cooper] (35:49 - 35:56)
Like little shit, but they are fricking mirrors. It's so crazy. Yeah.

[Michael Guidotti] (35:56 - 37:30)
So it's, you know, it's that it's always, you know, being in his games, it's always, you know, we play Madden, you know, that's the other thing is like, we'll play Madden together. So it's just a lot. I mean, a lot is around, um, sports just cause I've always been a big, you know, sports and he, he really is as well.

And, and not only is he's doing like the school basketball, but he's also on a AU team. So then we're traveling. And so then there's, you know, there's times where, you know, a lot of weekends we're driving to the Bay area or we're driving to Fairfield or we're, you know, we've had trips down to Palm Springs.

And so it's like, we, you know, there's a lot that's around it. So a lot of conversations are just talking about things like, you know, as it relates to the team, even the team dynamics, the chemistry between, you know, issues that happened between the boys on the team and, you know, people that they were maybe more friends with or the other, but it's like, Hey, I want these three guys from the team to come and stay the night this weekend, but we don't want this person to.

And so it's just that whole, you know, it's that whole thing of like, they are their own. I mean, they're their own little community. They're their own, you know, it's just so it's awesome to see though.

And it's awesome to see those relationships build up with other kids and other, and then the way that you see then the interactions with other families as well. Right. Because then on some of these things, like we're staying in Airbnb with, you know, three other dads and their kids.

And so you just see how the dynamics of just everybody is so different, but it all still stems from a place of like love.

[Tony Cooper] (37:30 - 38:03)
Yeah. I mean, I've, I don't know if we've talked about this, but you know, I've broken out childhood with like, there's three phases, three, seven year cycles. And like, you know, he's definitely, he's transitioning out of, sounds like already out of the second cycle into the third.

And the third cycle is where they just really start developing their identity with the world out in the world, like with his friends on his team, all that stuff. And it's, uh, how are you, what are you doing to support his development in claiming that like the self that he's becoming in the world?

[Michael Guidotti] (38:03 - 39:11)
Yeah. I think it's just, you know, when we do have, you know, when we do have conversations about things, it's like, you know, it's okay to express yourself like, right. It's like, you know, and I, I think a lot of it is even more like he sees me like people, you know, I'm, I wear my heart on my sleeves.

Like people know where they stand with me, you know, I'm, you know, respectful, but also too, like I would take the clothes off my back to help a friend and, and I get a lot of that from my mom. Right. And see, you know, again, I'm blessed that, you know, I've already went through a lot of those, those struggles that she went earlier on, but, you know, being in the position to help people, you should help people.

Um, and, and that's where, you know, I see him do that and just his manners. And so I think it's when I see him not doing that, you know, it's, it's those simple reminders. So it's things like, you know, opening the door for people or, you know, just like carrying, you know, your grandma's carrying groceries and like, dude, like you keep talking about how you need to work out, like I can work out, like carry that dog food with all the canned goods in it.

[Tony Cooper] (39:11 - 39:11)
Yeah.

[Michael Guidotti] (39:12 - 40:12)
Yeah. And so I think it's, you know, it's just those things, but you know, it, even when you say that, it's hard because I don't have that many situations where I have to do that because his, like his identity, when, and I think to me, it's not his identity with me. Cause it's like, there's an expectation with, with me or when he's at home, but it's like, when I see when he goes and stays a night at a friend's house or when I've got his friends, mom's coming up to me at games and they're just like, dude, can you take our kids?

Because like, wait, and I've literally will tell him like, that's him. Like he was the easiest kid that I've ever heard of. Like when I hear just people talk about all their stuff, like I didn't have the terrible twos with them.

I didn't like, he is just, he's, he's freaking amazing. And, and I would say that's actually what scares me about the thought of additional kids. Cause it's like, did I get the unicorn?

You know, this is a nature versus nurture. I'm going to chalk this one up to like a lot of nature and a little bit of nurture. And it's like, ah, I might've got the unicorn bro.

[Tony Cooper] (40:13 - 40:34)
Oh my God. That's so funny. Yeah.

You'll name your second kid second place. Tell me about a, like an unexpected moment, like a gut punch moment where it just like, you just got impacted by something in Donovan growing up or something that he did or didn't do or whatever.

[Michael Guidotti] (40:34 - 42:17)
Yeah. There was one time. And I think it was the first time that I really saw like him, like have like a, like there was something that had happened and he got accused of being a part of it.

And he was like trying to plead his case. Like I would like what they saw or what they think they saw isn't exactly like what happened. It was like kids on their phone sending like a video of like something that happened at school.

And the teacher said not, and it was like, it was a convoluted story anyway, but the teacher called me and I, so obviously like I'm coming in red and, and then like I get there and we're walking out and the teacher tries to say something to him and he just keeps walking. And I was like, I remember just going into like a sweat because I was like, oh my goodness, like this did not just happen. And like, it like gutted me because I was like, oh my God, he just showed his ass in front of a teacher in front of me.

And then you start going down the spiral of like, is this how you're acting when I'm not like around or like, you know, whatever. And, but after, you know, I definitely, you know, lost my cool on him, like definitely yelled at him. And I'm like, yo, you're never going to disrespect an adult in front of me.

But then I think the gut punch came walking back at not even walking back to the car after we get home and then, you know, cool down. He, and I believe him wasn't involved in it and his character got attacked and he couldn't stand to look at, and again, not an excuse because the teacher is still the adult and it's still the, but it was like, he couldn't sit there any longer with somebody that attacked his character because he holds that so high.

[Tony Cooper] (42:18 - 42:19)
Yeah. I love that.

[Michael Guidotti] (42:19 - 42:29)
And that was like one of those where I was like, wow, like it, it was a down moment, but it was also one of those where I was like, you care.

[Tony Cooper] (42:30 - 42:46)
Right. Well, yeah, that's not in a book anywhere. Yeah.

You definitely. Wow. All right, man.

I feel like you and I can talk forever. This is, this is amazing. I do want to finish up with you offering some advice to a brand new father.

[Michael Guidotti] (42:46 - 43:45)
Oh my goodness. That's a loaded question, man. You know, I think here's what I would say is I think it is be confident in paving your own path while taking in the signs that you see along the road.

Right. It's like, you know, everybody is going to tell you what you should do or what you shouldn't do. And it's like, but nobody knows your inside.

Nobody knows how you're feeling in the different moments and stuff. So I think it's very much just, you know, make your mistakes, be really just confident in paving your own path and knowing that you're going to fuck up along the way here and there. But also to be open to the signs, be open to the feedback, but take it for what it is.

It is just feedback. It is just advice based on other people's experiences. And I think for me, that's, that's the best piece of advice that I could give anybody is just, you know, you know, be confident in paving your own, your own path.

[Tony Cooper] (43:47 - 44:30)
It's beautiful. I love you, brother. Thank you so much for this.

This is incredible. All right. Until next time.

All right. Have a good one. Until next time.

I'm Tony Cooper. And this is the Dad Manual Podcast.