Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center’s podcast dedicated to empowering parents and their kids as they navigate mental health challenges. Through insightful discussions, expert advice, and engaging storytelling, we provide the tools and support needed to foster resilience, self-discovery, and emotional well-being.
Each episode features two segments:
🦸♂️ For Parents – Practical strategies, expert insights, and real conversations to help caregivers support their child’s mental and emotional growth.
🌟 For Kids – Interactive storytelling and discussions centered around unlocking their inner hero, overcoming obstacles, and building confidence.
Together, we break stigmas, encourage open dialogue, and equip families with the knowledge to thrive. Because every hero’s journey starts with a conversation.
#CapesAndConversations #UnlockTheHeroWithin #MentalHealthMatters #ParentingSupport #BuildingFutures
Welcome to Capes and Conversations, Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center's podcast. I'm Adam Kotowski, Clinical Director. And I'm Megan Rose McMullen, MS. This podcast is a conversation about mental health and wellness.
00:00:07
So welcome back to episode six. We're going to be talking about the analogy that you have referenced several times in previous episodes about the ship only sinks if you let it, if you let the water in. Can you just tell us this analogy one more time? I can. Would you mind if I start with the actual story of how this happened? Absolutely. Perfect. Okay. So here I am in, you know, I've had ADHD and dyslexia my whole life. Um, I leave, I grew up in the North side of Chicago. I go to St. Monica parish,
00:00:39
which is now St. Monica Academy. And, you know, it was not uncommon for the tough priests and nuns. And, you know, back in that day, uh, as I approached 50 now, um, that when you went to parent teacher conferences, they were brutal. They told you things that were pretty direct. I mean, I was called. stupid right and they didn't have the diagnosis and the charts and the sel programs that we have today and so i get to fenwick high school in old park which is you know i call it like the harvard of.
00:01:10
the school private schools here in illinois, and i was a really good basketball player and baseball player i get to day one of algebra class with mr finnell, and we do this kind of pre-test where you have 25 questions and you kind of see how you do and i literally, get a zero out of 25 and i just remember that i just felt devastated because you know you're it's an all-boys school fenwick didn't go co-ed until you know.
00:01:43
93 my graduating year so you boys were brutal just absolutely brutal and i remember very competitive and i remember you know instead of mr finnell pulled me to the board the next day and he said adam go to the board i want you to do it, you know, do this equation. And it was something 3x equals 12. And you're, I'm in tears because I'm like, oh, these guys are making fun of me. And, you know, zero out of 25. And he just looked at me, he said, Adam, what times x equals 12? And I'm like, oh, four. He's like, put it on the board.
00:02:15
So I put the chalk down. He's like, I'm not done with you. And long story short, for 45, 50 minutes, whatever the class was, I was doing problems left and right. And, you know, he never said anything to the other guys. Like, don't make fun of him. Don't say anything. He never said any of that. Like, these guys were calling me names. It was brutal. Afterwards, I was like, can I see you, Mr. Kotowski? I said, sure. He said, Mr. Kotowski, do you have any idea how ships sink in the water? I didn't even know what 3x equals 12, right? You're asking me how ships sink in the.
00:02:45
water. He said, the only way a ship can sink in the water is if water gets inside of it. He said, you, Mr. Kotowski, have to realize that you can't let the opinions of others inside of you to sink you. Megan, that was the day. Thank you. got straight A's in his class, was exempt from his final in May. That was the day that I got promoted to honors classes in several different subjects. That was the day I became All-State in basketball. And all of that came from, for the first time in my life, not only did I believe in myself, but I took something that I'll.
00:03:18
never forget. That your opinion of me, the way you feel about me, is none of my business. And the only way I can sink is if I let that in. And kind of what I've told kids that I work with, too, over the years, and every kid I work with, we do this analogy. You look at those big military aircraft carriers, they're floating cities. I mean it's thousands of soldiers, equipment, everything you can think of, that's made of, you know, steel and concrete and stuff that just sinks. Well.
00:03:48
what makes it go and just sail the ocean forever is it displaces water, right? Well, that's what it is. You have to displace all the negativity, the beliefs of what, people are putting on you that their opinions even if you quote-unquote fail which is really a production of result you have to be willing to displace that to keep going so that's how it started and I just it's something that metaphorically I teach every parent every student student athlete because.
00:04:19
it's to me the secret right so and you're talking about displacement of these things because we can't lie that when someone says something mean about it it hurts right it hurts our feelings whether we believe it or not because people if it's a continuous thing that keeps coming up a sore spot a wound right when someone pokes it it's gonna hurt so how how would you recommend.
00:04:49
displacing these things that are coming at us so I always tell again every kid I work with and every student student-athlete it's very very simple you, You displace the behavior, the emotion, and you take the intention. You take the message. Now, behind every behavior is a positive intention, I feel. When you can displace, you know, so for instance, go back to one I always call stupid, literally.
00:05:23
You'd be at parent-teacher conferences, and Adam's stupid. He just, he can't figure it out. Well, how you displace that is you take away the anger, the frustration that people have because they don't understand me. And you say, here's the positive intention. He can do better. Boom. Okay. I can live with that. I can understand that. So I displace the negativity. I displace what they're, you know, saying from their behavioral or maybe their limited capacity in thinking.
00:05:54
And I just take the message. You can do better. All right. Perfect. And you can do better. Those times is when I learned to work harder. All my friends from high school are attorneys, doctors, and just bigwigs in corporate America. And that's okay because that's their journey, that's their path. They were quick to study, they were quick to learn. For me, I had to work harder. Okay, well, that's on me. Like, I'm not going to go to my teachers and my professors and say, make me work harder. No, I had to work harder to get it. Okay, so that's what I do. So instead of going out on the weekends and socializing and partying like everybody else did, it required me to write.
00:06:30
To read. To study more. Tutor, yeah. Tutor. To get with more tutors. To say, I need help. Like, to say it's okay to get help from tutors and those services that are out there. So you displace the exterior message to take the internal message, which I always feel is a positive intention. The kernel of truth. Thank you, kernel of truth. That's what I always say. Like, if someone's saying something at you and it brings up emotions, you can always say, I need help.
00:07:00
take the part that is coming at you the thing that is might be true which is you did you were failing school so as a perceived perceiving that that would look stupid right but if you were really to look from a higher perspective the truth is is that the way you were being taught wasn't really great for how your brain works and so you needed a little bit extra help or like whatever and so the truth is is that yeah you could have done better in school but you also.
00:07:30
needed to do more work and more effort and so I think like taking that kernel of truth and like running with it but then the other stuff of like okay well it wasn't really communicated well or you know whatever so but we don't have to take that personally right well I mean you know another example that I mean is you know I work with a lot of student athletes and this kid called me not too long ago and he was really struggling because the coach was really on him and I said well what's the benefit of a coach yelling at you he never thought of it like that you know to take that, a kernel of truth. What is the benefit? And when we worked out, he said, well, he cares.
00:08:04
Bingo. If he's not on you, then he wouldn't care about you. Now you have to displace anything that you feel is offensive or just bothersome to you. And you've got to take the kernel of truth, that positive intention to say, all right, this coach cares about me. So you know what? I'm going to work harder. I'm going to work more effectively. And that means I maybe got to pay attention more. Get off your social media, get off your phone, focus on what the coach is trying to teach you. Because if they're yelling at you, that means they care. And this is good for the parents to understand is you want to be able to communicate.
00:08:38
effectively with your child. But at the same time, they have to understand, which is my role too, and I teach them that, that you care about them. Because if you weren't hard on them, if you didn't show them discipline, if you didn't hold them accountable, do you care? It's the truth. You can't let them get away with everything and not correct. That's a good point. Right. Period. I have a couple things, too. The first one is, you had the word failure, and you had said something about how that.
00:09:10
is the, something about success, it's the perspective of it, what do you say about failure? Well, there's no such thing as failure, there's no such thing as failure, there's only feedback. So we produce a result. And if you look at, I always say this to people, that if you, all you gotta do is go in the backyard and see a kid with a superhero t-shirt, and they don't fail, they just do it again. No matter what it is, I don't care if it's building something, if it's digging something up, it doesn't matter, they'll create a ramp in which they can ride their bike on.
00:09:43
They might fall off 15 times, but they'll get back up to 16th, and it's like, again, I'm gonna do it again. Why? Because they just never feel it's failure. They just feel, okay, I produced a result, I'm gonna learn from it. We lose that when it comes to adulthood. We lose that particularly in teenage years. Where it's like, We just create this self-image of, oh, I failed, and oh my gosh, victim mentality, and oh, I'm not that good, and this is horrible. Instead of just having that mentality of this, you don't fail, you just produce feedback. Right.
00:10:14
I actually had read the book, Growth Mindset, the psychology of growing or something like that. It actually talks about these studies that happen in kids where you go in and they say, this is going to be a hard test. Some of you are going to fail, some of you are going to succeed, and some of you are going to probably average, but just know that this is a hard test. They take it, and the people who literally believe that they're not good enough fail.
00:10:50
There's always those ones that push through and get A's. It's because they use that as motivation. You can't tell me what to do, right? And then they go into another classroom and they say, this test, you guys have worked so hard on it. You guys are going to know the material. You guys are going to know, like, because you've been working on it. You've been doing it, right? And then they take the test and the people that they thought would have failed actually did way better. And they're showing that, like, when we have a fixed mindset, which is this is all that it can be.
00:11:25
Like, nothing is a skill. Nothing is ability. You just are born with it and that's it. You either have it or you're done. You're either smart or you're dumb. That's it. Those people have a tendency to just stay at that level without actually growing. And it becomes a lot harder because then they don't want to explore. They don't want to do something that might challenge them. They might not want to fall down and have to get back up. And this is different from the growth mindset, which means that, like, they're going to try to expand something and be challenged and be okay if they mess up with it.
00:11:56
Like, you see these kids who have, like, this attachment. They're really smart and they've been told they're smart all their life, but they won't go to AP classes or they won't do something like, Creative because they they will mess up and they're not creative They just believe that they're because they don't they have this fixed mindset. Like I was born smart and that's it I'm not gonna push myself and then you have these other kids who are struggling and Believe that they are you know one way stupid or whatever and then they accept that and then you have these other kids that you.
00:12:26
Can't use that as a catalyst of like no I can grow and I can change Which then brings up me to the second topic that had which is resilience, right? What what's the dip? What's the difference in these kids? It's the resilience It's saying I'm looking at this obstacle and I'm not gonna let it stop me. I'm gonna figure out a way to do it, How do you feel about resilience? To me, I don't want to say it's everything but I think it's close to everything because you look at you know My story is very similar.
00:12:56
You so I go I get through my freshman year, So I'm promoted to three honors classes. So I'm in honors geometry. Now, that wasn't easy. Looking back, I probably should have done regular geometry, but here I am. All my buddies and all my teammates are all in the honors classes. And by the way, I think I got, I want to say I got like an 18 on my ACT. So me and Sam and I just did not get along. So my coach wanted me to go to Princeton, and I would have loved to go to Princeton,
00:13:27
but yeah, it wasn't happening. Not when you get an 18 on your ACT and probably like a 700 on your SAT. I don't know what it was, but I just couldn't. My way of thinking, dotting the I's and crossing the T's, just wasn't there. It wasn't standardized thinking. However, resilience is what kept me in honors classes. Resilience is what, you know, my first three years of basketball in high school, we had losing records. We were terrible. But my senior year, it was like, all right, I'm all in.
00:13:58
What's the legacy I want to make? behind. And I became Allstate. We had a phenomenal year. And I worked harder that summer than I ever had because I was like, all right, it's my turn to lead. I'm the captain. What's the memories I want to leave here? So resilience is everything. And if you look at anything in life, that's the thing that comes internally. You can't teach it. But where can they model it from the parents? When they see the parents struggling financially, but yet they still get up and go to work every.
00:14:29
day to make ends meet. Boom. That's resilience, right? Do you have to put a word to it? Like you have to show that? Or do you think that kids just catch on? No, that's the beauty of it. You just model it. You know, I always saw my dad. I learned that from my dad. He worked probably 70, 80 hours a week. I never really saw my dad. I think I was formally introduced to my dad when I was 18. But he worked so much. But what you do model from him is that work ethic. Like there was.
00:14:59
days where I was like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. I'm going, you could tell he was sick. He'd get up and he'd be leaving the house at 6, 7 a.m. and I'd always get up early because I wanted to study more. You'd see him and you knew he was struggling, but he went anyway because he was it. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. My dad worked. The resilience came from modeling that. He didn't talk about it. I didn't have a discussion with him. Just to hear I love you from my dad was a big deal. Just to hear it in conversation with him was a big deal. But what you saw is his behaviors. So resilience yes, it is modeled, and to me, women. There is nobody better to model resiliency from.
00:15:38
than women. Everything that they are, just so much. Multitaskers, compassion, love. A woman who is struggling with breast cancer will literally find ways to cook for her kids and just continue to work. It's beyond anything I've ever seen. Resilience is modeled, long answer, short, and it's modeled from behaviors and actions consistently. People see it, particularly kids, and that's what they model.
00:16:10
Yeah. I actually think that, I was thinking I was saying this to you earlier today, that we are always told that consistency is key, but I think resilience is key. Resilience includes consistency, but it does it in spite of. Resilience that says, I'm scared about this, but I'm going to try it anyway. I'm really sad about this, but I'm going to keep loving. I'm going to miss you, and I know that I'm going to have more gratitude.
00:16:41
And whatever the feeling may be, if you do it in spite of those things, you build resilience. And then this goes into the next part, which is self-worth, self-trust, self-acceptance. Like all of that. All of these things build our self-esteem because once we have self-esteem, we build self-esteem. self-esteem, we have a better job of having emotional boundaries where when people throw, things at us, obstacles, we move out of the way and we don't sink our own ship with it, right?
00:17:13
Well, it's, what is fear? It's when you do it anyway. I mean, that's, you're afraid of something, but you go anyway, you know, that's courage. And, and I love when you say anyways, because to me, that's, that's an ugly word. Again, is when you want to overcome something in any way, is when you want to, those would be two A words, right? Again, anyway. So persistence and, inconsistence will follow from those two philosophies. Like when you're afraid to do.
00:17:45
something, you go anyway. Trust me, I was, I was afraid to try to keep up with a lot of the people I was with in high school and college because it wasn't easy. Also, too, if you were to perceive that your SAT score was low and that all these people are doctors and lawyers, in a very narrow-minded sense of it, you're less than, right? But resiliency is saying, I just am not taking the same path.
00:18:19
My scores look different. Now look at me. Now I've made myself to the place where I'm supposed to be. And that I showed up every single day, and I did it in spite of what it looked like or what it felt like, and I just kept going at it because I knew that it was worth it. It was hard, but we did it anyway. Yep. And, you know, Albert Einstein had a quote one time. He said, everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish's ability to climb a tree, it's going to think it's stupid its whole life.
00:18:50
And there's so much truth to that. It's funny, but at the same time, it's absolutely true. It's true. I wasn't on the path to be a doctor or an attorney. As a matter of fact, I'd be a whore. attorney because I can't argue. I don't like to argue. It's just like, yep, you win, and I walk away. But that's what, to me, I really think my mission and my journey really started because, although I was frustrated that I couldn't keep up with these people that could just read a book in a day and maintain everything, good for them. You know what I mean? That's why they're doctors.
00:19:23
That's why they're attorneys. But it doesn't make me less of a person. And that's what I had to come to realize, and that's where comparison comes in, which we've talked about before. But persistence is what allowed me to do what I continue to do. And I really do feel that that is modeling even my kids. They won't admit it because they're kids, but I really think that a lot of the reasons I stuck with it and did everything I've done in life is what pushes them forward academically and athletically and why they've accomplished what they have is that plays a factor. You get to see.
00:19:55
that. I can't remember who the gymnast was. But there was a, gymnast I she I think she was a US gymnast and I wish I could remember her name but she said when she was a young kid she would she was working really hard and she would come home on days where she was just like spent and she would say I'm quitting and her mom would like listen to all her venting and then she's like okay I get that can you just give it one more day one more and she would go and she would do it and then she'd start being better at it or.
00:20:27
whatever and then she'd have a day she'd come home and I'm quitting this is it I'm done it's your mom would say the same thing can you okay I get it can we give one more day and I and I feel like this is actually the same mentality of like people who run marathons you don't think about the twenty six point two miles that you have to run you think about one more mile like just get one more mile just do one your body is sore your feet hurt just one more mile you get to a mile marker and they're like six more miles and you're gonna you're gonna feel that it's gonna be heavy but you just like one step just.
00:20:59
you, Next step, just one more mile. And if you can't do it by mile, do it by minute. Like, just one more minute, just give it a little bit more time. And that creates this thing. And then when you finish the thing, you're like, oh wow, I did that. I did that even though it was really hard. And I think that the big thing is huge in self-worth and self-esteem. And we all are gonna have days where we just don't feel like going on and moving on, but we just give it one more day. And I think though, the big part about this.
00:21:31
is how do you create emotional boundaries, when your self-worth is low or your self-esteem is low? Cause you got, cause it's hard. If you haven't built up that resilience yet, if you haven't built up that muscle, how do we get that when people are like bullying you or when people are trying to tell you and they're shutting down or their kids, you know, they're trying to get their kids to be motivated. Well, how do we do that? Well, it's first and foremost, it's never easy and anybody who tells you that is. I wouldn't necessarily believe because it is not easy, but it's worth it, right?
00:22:06
Number one, I go back to what I said before, which is you and I, this is what I work on both myself and with everybody I work with, is how to displace, displace and filter. Take the nuggets, take the kernel of knowledge, take the positive intention and filter that and then displace everything else. But second thing is you have to really be on the side of doubt, know your own worth. So go back to my example with high school. I didn't feel I was less worthy. Now, was it frustrating because like all your buddies out of college are making oodles of.
00:22:37
money and doing great things and get on boards and all this other stuff because of, you know, their education background? Of course, you know, I mean, anybody who doesn't have a bit of jealousy, there has to be because it means you care, right? But I also knew my worth. I knew what my gifts were. I knew what I was capable of and that's where I put all my focus. And when you stop comparison to other people, really. That piece, which we've already talked about in other podcasts, but you have to displace, filter, and then you have to know your worth. Now, that is not easy because that takes time.
00:23:09
You have to know who you are, why you're here, what your value is, what you bring, and how you do it. Great example, I have a family member who owns an old restaurant, their own restaurant, and they serve, not just food, but they serve to the community. They've been in business for 25 plus years. Everybody goes there, everybody. Why? Because they get that home feeling of service, and everybody's welcome, and it's just incredible food, incredible environment. Now, is that person a failure because they didn't become a doctor or an attorney?
00:23:40
No, they're not. You have to know your worth, what your value, what you bring to the table, and you stick with that. And then others will pick up on that. And the old saying, the hand that gives gathers. Because you are fulfilling your mission and doing what you came here to do, and knowing your worth, people will be attracted to that and will be appreciated. That's a good part of it. Yeah. But what do you have to say? So what I'm hearing then is if you are struggling with self-worth or self-esteem or don't have the motivation because you don't feel that worth, that maybe the step is self-exploration or discovery of like, what do you like? What can like almost, I would say over the parents, maybe like play like, okay, well, your kid might be bad, bad, quote unquote, at math or science, but maybe they're really good at like creating ideas or writing.
00:24:29
Or art or something like that. And maybe building it from that point, like that point. Yeah. So that they can trust themselves. And so they can build up like, oh, I am good at this. And this does take practice, right? Like, rather than, because I think, to be honest, that there's quite a bit of people that are starting at like a no self-worth or less than that. Absolutely. No, it hands down. But the one thing I will tell you is you can't.
00:25:00
cannot teach anyone self-worth. You can make them feel worthy by compliments, by noticing things about them, and that does play a factor. So we can talk about that. It is important as a parent, as a teacher, as an adult in general, find them, catch them doing things right, because that does play an impact. When you do catch them doing things right or compliments, it is pegged in the emotional memory bank, for sure.
00:25:30
Yet, you cannot give them self-worth. That must come as a result of your compliments, as a result of you believing in them, as a result of you seeing them for more than what they are now, because so many times we see people for what they are and they actually make them worse. So what you can do is overestimate them. You can really feel that they can become much more. It's that vibration, it's that energy you give them, and then you can possibly promote them to who they can be. And that's a major. your difference. Self-worth, however, that starts with you. You can't pour from an empty cup. You.
00:26:06
have to know your own self-worth and they will model that too. So that plays a factor. Know what your value is. Know what you bring to the table. Know what you are in spite of whatever society can't see because that's going to show the world and everybody around you, particularly the ones that are modeling you most, which is your kids and loved ones, they're going to see that. They're going to feel that you know your own self-worth. And the question I have too is like how do we know if we're letting in the water? What if we're not doing a great job of displacing? How do we.
00:26:38
know? What are some signs or things that might happen if we're starting to let it sink in? Sure. We're overwhelmed. We're fatigued. We question our value. We show signs of depressive thinking. And then you actually just show, you know, also signs of depression. You know, also signs of you know. Am I worth it? Questioning your value, your worth, and your identity, and the fact that should I even be here type of deal,
00:27:09
which is to me tragic because I really know deep down in my heart that everybody has their own mission to fulfill, and only they can fulfill it. So when you get somebody to that point, that's very heartbreaking for me because we've allowed the water to come in and fill us up, and we're taking on too many other people's beliefs. We're taking on other people's missions. We're comparing ourselves to other people, and we're just getting completely worn down and weighted down. Yeah. I think, too, if you're comparing yourself, I think, as most people know the quote,
00:27:40
like comparison is the thief of joy. Yeah. So maybe when you feel yourself comparing, you go out and you find some joy somewhere. You play. Someone said to me this weekend, I thought this was really interesting, there's several different areas of our life, right? We've got mental, emotional, physical. Spiritual financial occupational we have all these different areas and when we're struggling right she was like Oh, yeah, I told this person like I was struggling mentally I had so much to do and it just like seemed so overwhelming and then she was like, okay.
00:28:14
Well, what do you think the solution is and she's like, I don't know making it to do this She's like why if your mental load is so high, what would you do something more mental? You need to do something and she goes I need to go walk my dog because I absolutely love being outside and walking my dog and that's like a Physical thing that she gets to be out in nature. It's a little spiritual and she's like, yeah so I think I think, Reminding ourselves when we're feeling that depressive state or we're feeling that comparison or lashing out and feeling anger, right? Maybe there's a way to in another cup.
00:28:45
We might be able to go fill up from because if it's the emotional cup is too low And we we can't do more emotional things, right? We need to go do it fill from a different part of our area of our life so that we can kind of, like, create more space for that. Well it's interesting you bring that up because I remember this past last week I recorded the mental health minute on CBS and that exact thing I said was because she asked me how and that's what she kept asking me before I even recorded was well how do you do.
00:29:17
this I said listen what it comes down to is being first of all and foremost always being in the present moment secondly is you find simple tasks to complete and I know that seems like, it's too simple but it really is just be in the person present moment you focus on simple tasks that you complete and by doing those tasks all of a sudden you start to develop more purpose and meaning and in doing that then you start to transform the limitations and the expectations of other people and then you just start to fill up like you just start to feel full because you.
00:29:50
start to recognize well this is who I am this is why I'm here this is what I'm here to create and people always get this but yeah, I have this idea of you gotta be a, state senator, you have to be this big deal on TV to be successful. No, absolutely not. You have to fulfill your mission, and your mission could be serving at a restaurant, and you impact people, because you never know how many people you impact because you're there. We get so caught up in titles, and fame, and fortune, and no.
00:30:21
Viral. Yes. What it comes down to is doing simple tasks, which leads to completion of those tasks, which leads to you finding your purpose in joyful fill-ups, feeling fulfilled, and, then it's like you lose what people are trying to make you, and you become what you're capable of becoming. It's a beautiful process, and there's no way to it. You just start doing it. Yeah. It's almost like pushing through. If you're thinking about the analogy of a seed pushing through the dark times, it's such a small thing, and it has to move through.
00:30:56
the dirt. Yes. You're pounded on it, right? push through and as it goes through it's it finally makes its way and then it blooms and it just naturally has the process when we push through resilience in those dark times them and the hard things and the scary things and the sad things and we don't let it consume us we can then bloom into exactly what we're supposed to be doing I also like the what has been coming up which is other people's opinions right so I think it goes back to originally what we're.
00:31:27
talking about with tribes right if someone's opinion is getting to you you have to ask yourself well is their opinion about do I value their opinion right if it's a coach that I like or a teacher that I like or my mom or my dad and there and I value their approval and I want like and that hurts because it hurts to hear what we're not doing well in then yeah we can take that and flip that like you said in the beginning but refocus it what's the truth what's the kernel of truth in this okay I could probably.
00:31:58
practice more and put more effort, and not be distracted at practice. Or I can maybe, I'm not doing well in school. That's the truth. Okay, now I need to ask for help because obviously I can't do it on my own. I need a tutor or I need to talk to my teacher because it hasn't clicked and that's okay. So like making sure that if it's somebody who's not in your circle that you value, don't take their opinion, leave it. It's not important because if they're not in your circle, they don't know who you are.
00:32:28
They don't know what you have. They don't know anything about you. They're just literally shouting at you through the void and you're just need to like ignore it because it's not within your tribe. Absolutely, and you bring up a great point when it comes to plants. I always tell everybody I work with that there's no plant you see outside that window that has ever grown without tension or friction. You don't grow without tension or friction. I mean, the seeds must go into the ground and when they do, they have to break through the seed then they got to break through the earth. It is not easy. They think the process is easy, it is not.
00:33:00
But that's when the strongest planes grow because it's no different from the cocoon You go in the caterpillar you come out the butterfly, but the thing is, You cannot go and open You can't take a knife or a razor and open up that cocoon because if you do you're giving the biggest disservice To that butterfly because the necessary oxygen that it needs to fly for thousands of miles It comes from them breaking through that cocoon. So you have to let them struggle.
00:33:30
So it's the same thing with our kids We have to be okay with them having tension and friction to grow and struggling because that's where the growth is, right? I feel like this is the same thing with like, Like we see it with working out analogy where you'll work out and you'll be sore And that pain hurts But it's like a good pain like it's a necessary pain. It's like what is needed, for like health and and wellness and well-being and mental stability and being able to take things.
00:34:06
in stride but when we don't have that we have the pain of the other the other pain right like the other pain of like not being able to you know I heard a teacher recently like kids don't have the muscle to hold pens anymore for a really long time like they literally can't fit finish tests because they're there don't have that muscle and it's just like you know we have to let them have that pain to grow that muscle you have to build that and I feel like more in life is more muscles to whether it's patience resilience consistency you have to build those muscles it has to be on.
00:34:42
repeat consistently in order to gain those things absolutely that's how you build muscle that's how you build muscle in your brain and in your heart is through that yeah so the last thing I have is how do we protect our mental space what's a good way to do that what's a good way to do that is a good way of, practice, practical strategies to protect our mental space? Well, there's no one way, but I would say getting in nature is a big thing. I really feel that we are owned by electronics these days in many, many ways.
00:35:16
And there's a lot of great doing electronics. I'm not going to sit here and hear a lot of people who are like, oh, throw them away. No, no. There's a lot of great connection. You know, when I can FaceTime a colleague of mine in California and we have a great conversation, there's a lot of benefit to technology. But when you need that time, walk in nature, go in for a walk with your pet, working out, some sort of what I call centering, meditation, prayer, whatever it might be, that too.
00:35:49
And then obviously I'm not a nutritionist, so I can't tell you what to eat, but nutrients, you know, research what is good for you, talk to your physicians. Healthy, regimented eating and nutrition can play major factors, water obviously. I think those are great ways. All that does, Megan, is it gets back to what I said, it displaces everything that's not meant for you, so that you can filter in only what is meant for you. So I think those are some ways.
00:36:19
Yeah, I like that. I also think when you do those things, whether it's nature, working out, food, whatever, it's easier, it's quicker when someone that you don't care about that isn't in your tribe says something to you, you're like, eh. It just rolls off you because you know what's right, you know what's real, you're centered, you're grounded in truth. And so when someone throws something at you that isn't true, that isn't true for you, it's easier to let it go than it is to absorb it. So I always think that if something is getting to you, if it's getting to you and you're.
00:36:54
sad and you're mad and you're hurting, the first thing you should do is, well, am I centered in my ground? Do I need some, like, self-care, which you've already talked about as well, through food, nutrition, whatever, working out. And I think that that's super important because it's one of the quickest and easiest, most simple, I think. Because sometimes unpacking what's in our invisible suitcase isn't as easy as, like, going for a walk. No. And once you get in that habit on a physical level, it becomes that much easier to be like,
00:37:27
oh, I'm starting to feel this anxiety, boom, go for a walk, feeling better. And it becomes more of an instinct, like, oh, yeah. And, like, so you'll do it on a regular basis and create this habit more naturally than if you say, oh, I don't want to go for a walk, I just don't feel like it, I'm sad, do it anyway. Yeah, well, and to end with that is, it goes back to what we talked about with persistence and consistence, and that's the habit. You can work out in one day for nine hours, and you know what you're going to be sore.
00:37:58
But you're not going to see. any difference. You're not going to go to a mirror and say, wow, I look great. No. You might work out for two weeks straight, and you might not see results. But something, what happens is over the consistency of it, weeks, months later, then you start to show results. And that's what, I don't care if that's with muscle, I don't care if that's with weight loss, getting in whatever shape you want. Feeling better? Feeling better, whatever it might be. You have to be persistent about it, even when you don't want to do it. It goes back to what we started talking about in this podcast.
00:38:31
You don't just work out for one week and say, I'm not showing any results, I'm done. Because for everybody's body is different. For results of any kind, it might be weeks, months, or even a year. When I reprogrammed myself after my nervous breakdown, it took me 18 months, 18 long months, but I never failed with it. I just, all right, I'm going to keep getting, I'm going to keep with this because I know this is going to work. And in 18 months, boom, gone. No symptoms. Nothing.
00:39:01
Anxiety, all gone. So I tell people all the time, you've got to stick to the plan and you've got to be persistent in doing so. That's what our youth, that's what they model us. They see why. They did it anyway. Yeah. Talking about that too. Mine was six years. I didn't see results for at least six years. I mean, I saw results cause like every time I was, and I, but I also didn't like put a hundred percent of my effort into it. I was, you know, a little bit here, a little bit there. So over six years now I see the results of it.
00:39:32
People notice the results of it. I'm into it. Um, I do it on a regular basis. It's now a routine, um, and I feel more grounded whole all the time, even when life is hard with losses or breakups or jobs or whatever stress that may happen. I can take that in stride and feel more myself always instead of getting lost in it. And consumed in it. So I think. that is like a really big thing for resilience.
00:40:03
Is there anything else that you think that someone might now wanna know about resilience, emotional boundaries? Well, I always go back to this and it's something I learned long ago is if someone offers you a gift and you don't accept the gift, it's not your gift that sticks. That goes for comments and perspectives and beliefs too. So if somebody gives you their belief, their way of thinking, their map of reality for you to accept and you don't accept it, you displace it, it's theirs, it's not yours.
00:40:33
And it's not rude, it's not ignorant, it's just, okay, thanks. You don't have to let it in. You can acknowledge the conversation, somebody while meeting trying to tell you, hey, Adam, you should do this. I'll give that a whirl. But I can displace it easily now. And displace it and then I just take the communication for what I want and then that's it. I don't have to accept their gift, whatever it may be. That's to me what everything rolls up into things. 100%. and everything we've talked about is just just don't take their gift you know find out you focus on who you are what you're about why you're here that.
00:41:09
is your navigational system that's when you go through the sea in the ocean and travel you can't take out other people's ideals it's there it's for them and there's a little I think that is a good place to stop with which is you are the captain of your own ship and it's not gonna sink unless you allow it to and so you need to move forward be the hero and your own journey and if you can't do it alone find your tribe and until next time. Thank you for listening to Grundy Eunoia wellness center's, Capes and conversations. We are a not-for-profit 501c3. All donations and sponsorships will be utilized to serve those who may need it and our services through collaborative care with our psychiatric nurse practitioner and or our clinical social workers, yet are unable to afford it. If you would like to sponsor these services, donation links are in the show notes on our website and on our social media outlets. If you have any topics of conversation or questions that we should talk about, please contact us, and if you choose, you will remain anonymous.