Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

When we truly listen, every conversation changes — including the one with ourselves.

Listening isn’t about waiting for your turn to speak — it’s about being present enough to truly hear. In a world full of noise, slowing down to listen can feel like a radical act. Yet it’s in those moments of stillness and attention that real understanding begins.

In this special Ask Matt Anything episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, we explore what it means to “listen up” — to engage with intention, empathy, and curiosity. Along the way, listener questions spark insights on how to slow down fast conversations, apply communication tools in real life, and navigate the nuances of culture and connection. Because better communication doesn’t start with what we say — it starts with what we hear.

To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium.

Episode Reference Links:

Connect:

Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (02:42) - The Three Ps That Block Good Listening
  • (03:39) - Ace Your Listening: Pace, Space, and Grace
  • (05:59) - Listening Beyond Words: Nonverbal Cues That Matter
  • (06:37) - Listening Through Paraphrasing
  • (08:13) - Practicing Better Listening
  • (09:30) - Choosing the Right Structure for Your Audience
  • (12:55) - Applying Communication Skills Effectively
  • (16:02) - Slowing Down Conversations
  • (20:32) - Practicing and Getting Feedback
  • (23:02) - What’s Next for Think Fast Talk Smart
  • (24:54) - Conclusion

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Creators and Guests

Host
Matt Abrahams
Lecturer Stanford University Graduate School of Business | Think Fast Talk Smart podcast host

What is Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques?

One of the most essential ingredients to success in business and life is effective communication.
Join Matt Abrahams, best-selling author and Strategic Communication lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he interviews experts to provide actionable insights that help you communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact. From handling impromptu questions to crafting compelling messages, Matt explores practical strategies for real-world communication challenges.

Whether you’re navigating a high-stakes presentation, perfecting your email tone, or speaking off the cuff, Think Fast, Talk Smart equips you with the tools, techniques, and best practices to express yourself effectively in any situation. Enhance your communication skills to elevate your career and build stronger professional relationships.

Tune in every Tuesday for new episodes. Subscribe now to unlock your potential as a thoughtful, impactful communicator. Learn more and sign up for our eNewsletter at fastersmarter.io.

Matt Abrahams: One of my greatest
pleasures is interacting with the

global Think Fast Talk Smart audience.

My name is Matt Abrahams and I
teach strategic communication at

Stanford Graduate School of Business.

Welcome to Think Fast
Talk Smart, the podcast.

Recently I had an opportunity
to speak with our community

at an AMA, Ask Matt Anything.

Let's listen in to see how it went.

Well, before we get started and talk
about your questions, I'd love to

start with a foundational communication
skill, and that is listening.

Today, I want to talk about
listening up so you can listen in

and really connect to your audience.

Listening is truly a critical
component of all of our communication.

It really helps us be successful.

Now the reality is most of us
are not great listeners, and I

have to give a big caveat here.

Whenever I teach listening skills, my wife
gets a little bit upset because she thinks

I need to work on those skills as well.

So we're all still learning
to be better listeners.

Listening is challenging.

Most of us listen just enough to get the
gist of what someone is saying, the high

level, and then we begin rehearsing,
planning, judging what it is that we

want to say and what others are saying.

And that gets in the way
of us listening well.

In fact, there's some very specific
barriers that get in the way

of our listening, and they all
start with the letter P. First,

there are physical barriers.

This has to do with just
the physical ambient noise.

Another barrier is physiological.

This is what's going on in our bodies.

Maybe we're tired.

Maybe we're nervous.

And then finally, there
are psychological barriers.

These are our predispositions,
our concerns, our hesitations.

All of this can get in the way and
prevent us from listening well.

These three Ps can be
very, very challenging.

So what do we do?

How can we listen better?

In my book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter,
I had the wonderful pleasure of

interviewing many listening experts.

One of them was Collins Dobbs.

Collins actually teaches with me
at Stanford's Graduate School of

Business, and he introduced me to
the ideas of pace, space, and grace.

I want to introduce you to ways
you can ace your listening.

First and foremost, we need to take the
time to slow down so we can be present.

So, perhaps that means
scheduling a particular time

to have a deep conversation.

Maybe it means moving to a different
location where it's quieter.

Taking the time to slow down will
help you listen and be present.

So pace is first.

We also have to make sure that the
space is appropriate, where we sit,

how we're situated, how the room is
arranged, or the virtual environment

can really make a difference.

But I'm also talking about mental space.

We need to make sure that we give
ourselves the space to focus.

You need to remind yourself, I need to be
here, now, for this interaction because

if I'm not, it's not going to go as well.

I'm likely not to hear and understand.

And then finally, we have to
give ourselves a little grace.

We have to give ourselves permission
to listen well, and to listen not just

for what is said, but how it is said,
when it is said, where it is said.

We have an intuition that
we need to listen to.

I'm gonna give you an example where
I failed to give myself some grace.

I had a colleague, we were
coming out of a meeting.

My colleague turned to me and
said, how do you think it went?

I immediately heard feedback and
itemized all the things that we did

wrong, that we could have done better.

But in fact, had I actually slowed
down, had I noticed our environment,

and given myself permission to listen
beyond the words that my colleague

said, I would've realized that he was
not interested in feedback at all.

What he really wanted was support, but
I wasn't present and I wasn't listening.

And unfortunately because I just
itemized all the things that went

wrong, I did him a disservice.

So it's important that
we ace our listening.

Pace, space, and grace.

Now beyond that, we have to focus
on what we do with our bodies.

Non-verbally, when we listen,
we need to approach the person

or people we're listening to.

We need to orient our
shoulders towards them.

If we're speaking virtually, we need
to look at the camera because it

looks like we are looking at them.

We want to have an open posture,
pulling our shoulder blades down.

Again, eye contact is critical.

As the person is speaking,
we're looking and nodding.

We want to make sure our eyes aren't
darting and we're looking away.

These are called back channels that we
deliver to signal that we are listening.

So these are things that we can do
with our bodies to help communicate.

In terms of what we actually say, a
wonderful technique that I really like

is to listen through paraphrasing.

When we listen, we signal that listening
through what we say and how we say it.

I believe paraphrasing is
an amazing way to listen.

Paraphrasing is where we take what the
person has said and we distill it down

to its essential essence, the gist.

We make it shorter, and then
we highlight the key ideas.

So when I go to speak, I make sure
that I listen to what they say and then

I speak the paraphrase, the essence.

I don't have to say everything.

Instead, we are simply highlighting the
key through stating what it is you've

heard, you not only increase fidelity,
the accuracy, because if my paraphrase

is inaccurate, the person can correct
me, but also I signal that I listen.

Many of you are familiar with
the work of Alison Wood Brooks.

Alison is a good friend of mine.

She teaches at Harvard's Business School.

She has done research that shows when you
actually paraphrase, it actually deepens

the connection you have with the person.

So paraphrasing not only
increases fidelity and deepens

the relationship, when you listen
to paraphrase, you listen better.

So my challenge to everyone is,
as you listen, ace your listening.

Pace, space, grace, and
listen to paraphrase.

One great way to do this is to
take the time in your interpersonal

relationships when you are not actively
participating, let's say you're in a

meeting and someone else is speaking,
be thinking to yourself, what's the

bottom line of what they're saying?

By focusing on that bottom line, you're
training your brain to paraphrase.

When you listen to one of our
episodes at the end, paraphrase,

what's the key takeaway for me?

In so doing much like an athlete,
you're doing a drill that will

prepare you to better listen and
connect when you really need to.

So with that, it's clear
that listening is critical.

We have to listen up to listen in
so that we can connect with our

audiences and we can make sure that
the information has high fidelity.

I'd like now to switch and
do some listening from you.

I'd like to hear your questions and
the first two questions are going

to come from premium participants.

These are folks who've signed up
for our premium offering, and I

thank all of you who have taken
the time to be part of our premium.

I'd love to bring Guillermo front
and center, Guillermo from Michigan.

Can you join us please?

Guillermo: Hi Matt.

Hi everyone.

Matt Abrahams: Excellent.

You have a question for us, Guillermo?

Guillermo: I do, but before I ask my
question, Matt, I wanna say thank you.

Your work has helped me communicate
effectively with my family, my

friends at work, and even inside
my own mind, so thank you.

Matt Abrahams: Thank you
very much, Guillermo.

Guillermo: My question is, when we
are preparing for a presentation

or a speech, how can we choose the
right structure, the tools and the

techniques based on the audience
that we're gonna communicate with?

For example, when we're preparing
for a customer presentation, it

might be different, we're gonna
speak in front of our employees.

Matt Abrahams: Excellent.

So the question is how do we
prepare and how do we pick the

right tools and frameworks to use?

It boils down to what you know about your
audience and what their expectations are.

That's where we start.

So we have to do that reconnaissance,
reflection, and research in

advance about who our audience
is and what's important to them.

Then we have to decide what is
our true goal in this moment.

And if you've heard me teach
or speak before, you know, I

believe a goal has three parts,
information, emotion, and action.

And when you have those two together,
then you can make some decisions.

And those decisions impact the structures
that you use, the wording that you

choose, and the actions that you request.

So for example, let's say I am
pitching a product at a team meeting.

I might know that this is a group
of very technical people and they

are very concerned about how we are
going to actually craft this product.

So I might define what I am setting
up as a problem that we need to solve

because I know this team of very
technical people likes to solve problems.

People who are into technology,
into science, deeply financial,

tend to like problems.

So I might say, in our offering,
we have one area that's missing.

This is a problem that
leads to these results.

By framing it that way, I get more
engagement and likely more support.

Now if I wanted that same product to
be implemented into our solution, and

I'm talking to people who might be
in sales or marketing, they perhaps

might not be as interested in problems
as they are opportunities, and an

opportunity is where something's
not wrong, but could be better.

So I could take exactly the same desire,
bringing this particular product to

our offerings, but frame it differently
based on what I know about my audience.

So the knowledge of your audience,
the goal that you have, guide you to

picking the particular frameworks,
wording, and approach that you take to

ultimately get to the ask that you have.

So Guillermo, it's really about
doing that homework upfront.

And then, in addition, you can do
a little bit of reflection about

what has worked in the past for
you when doing something similar.

So by combining a reflection with what
you know about your audience and your

goal, you can actually deliver a message
that is much more likely to hit the spot.

Guillermo, thank you for that question.

I really appreciate it.

I appreciate you listening, and
I'm so glad that you have found

value from what it is we all do
here at Think Fast Talk Smart.

Let's bring in our second premium user.

This is Maurice.

And Maurice, you're calling from
Amsterdam in the Netherlands.

Thank you.

Maurice: My question is about
how can we help people to develop

in a targeted manner to properly
apply the right communication?

You, you explained like, for
instance, the pace, space, grace.

Now we know it, but what matters most
is practice, is learning to apply

it and through learning intervention
or simply applying it in practice.

So what's a good method to learn
to apply all this communication

knowledge for the level of proficiency?

Matt Abrahams: So it's one thing
to learn these skills, it's

another thing to apply them.

I've been teaching communication skills
for over twenty-five years and have

really tried to help people, not just gain
the insights, but actually apply them.

And there are several
things that can help.

First, we have to make sure that
we understand the concept clearly

and completely, which means we
have to do some thinking about it.

One of the big mistakes my students
make is they think they get it,

and then they start, and then they
get disappointed because it doesn't

go the way that they had expected.

So the first step, I believe, is to
really take some time to reflect.

Reflection is key.

What is it that I'm trying to learn?

So if you're learning a new framework,
many of you know I'm a big fan

of the framework structure, what?

So what?

Now what?

If you're learning that you really
need to take a moment to say, do I

appreciate and understand each of the
different components in that, what?

So what?

And now what?

Once I have reflected, I then need
to think about ways in which I can

apply it that are meaningful to me.

To practice something that doesn't
feel useful, or you have an

understanding of how to deploy
it, can make it more challenging.

And then finally, we actually have to
do the practice in a low stakes manner.

So if I'm trying to practice what, so
what, now what, I might at the end of

each Think Fast Talk Smart episode think
to myself, what was that episode about?

Why is it important and how
can I use that information?

But it's not just enough to
reflect, to understand how to

deploy it, and then to practice.

You actually have to do another
round of reflection at the end.

What worked?

What didn't work?

What was hard?

What was easy?

You know there's that definition,
Maurice, of insanity that says,

doing the same thing over and over
again, expecting different results.

That's how many of us go into learning new
skills, especially around communication.

We just do it and then we move on.

We don't take the time to reflect.

Now, this process takes time and
effort, but if you do, you can truly

internalize it and it can really help you.

So again, to summarize, you start
by reflecting what really is the

communication skill I'm working on.

Maybe it's just body posture.

It's, I wanna make sure that I look
big and balanced, so I pull my shoulder

blades down, and then we have to
think about where and when and the

value it brings, how we can deploy it,
and then we reflect after the fact.

By going through these activities,
both mental and physical, you will be

able to take on these new communication
skills and make them part of your

toolkit, part of your regular practice
so you don't have to think about it.

I really appreciate both
Guillermo and Maurice's questions.

I appreciate them being premium
members and I so appreciate that

they derive value from our show.

Now it's time to hear from all of you.

I'd love to hear from those
of you who have questions.

If you type in your questions, we
have a team of people behind the

scenes who are queuing them up.

I can't promise that I'll get to
every question, but I certainly

want to get to as many as I can.

I see we have a question about
how to intentionally slow down.

This is from Shelby.

How do I intentionally
slow down a conversation?

Maybe it's an emotional conversation where
it feels like we're ignoring the other

person if we don't speak back immediately.

Thank you, Shelby.

The pace of conversations can feel
really demanding, but in fact,

we have control over the pace.

I can imagine an emotional conversation
that we're having where somebody is

sharing information, maybe they're
even upset with me or the situation

and they're speaking quickly.

It is very easy to get caught
up in that and feel like we

have to respond right away.

Instead, we might benefit, and I think
we can all think of situations where

it would've been better had we slowed
down just a little bit, where taking a

little pause to slow down would help.

And there are a few ways to do this.

One is just giving yourself permission.

Again, it goes back to that idea of grace.

We have to give ourselves a little bit of
grace to be present in that circumstance.

Maybe we are emotional, maybe we're
confused or concerned, and that can

cause a lot of jumbled thoughts.

So to take time to slow down can help.

Several ways to do it.

One, ask for it.

Simply say, gimme a moment to process
that, or, let me think about that.

It's okay to do it.

In fact, in many cases people see
that as your attempt to really

connect and provide a response that's
appropriate, accurate, and useful.

Another way is to ask
some clarifying questions.

You can clarify when somebody says
something, you can ask a question,

and that question buys you a little
bit of time to think about your

answers, and it might help specify
what it is that you need to say.

And finally, we talked about paraphrasing
when I was giving my brief talk.

Paraphrasing is a great way to buy
yourself time because as you're

paraphrasing, you can actually be
thinking about how you want to respond.

Slowing things down for yourself.

Paraphrasing is what we call
a lower order cognitive skill.

That's just a fancy academic way for
saying that we can actually think and

do the paraphrase at the same time.

So there are ways that you can
slow down a conversation to

help you respond appropriately.

Now, there are times where it's not
about you slowing down, it's about

getting the other person to slow down.

They're getting wound up because
they're excited, they're nervous,

they're emotional by taking a step back
and acknowledging what's happening.

So simply saying, I hear you
have a lot of passion here, or it

sounds like this issue has lots of
different components and facets.

By taking the time to just call
out what's happening in the

moment can often slow people down.

People can get wound up and keep
going, and by taking a step back and

saying, wow, there's a lot of emotion
going on, or this topic is really

complex that can slow others down.

So there are things you can do to slow
yourself down and to slow the other

person or people down that can help
the conversation be more manageable.

Shelby, thank you for that
question and I hope some of what

I've said there can be helpful.

John asks the question, what are some good
online resources to practice applying our

communication skills and getting feedback?

Somebody who teaches communication
skills is certainly going to say

that coursework and classes are
absolutely wonderful opportunities.

Another avenue is through
organizations like Toastmasters.

I am a huge supporter of Toastmasters.

It is an organization designed to
help people practice their skills.

Toastmasters exists all over the world.

In fact, I was recently at their
international convention, and

Toastmasters, just like a class, are
all about giving you opportunities

to speak and opportunities to get
useful, constructive feedback.

Now, you don't have to go to that
extent where you have to sign up for

something and show up for something.

You can also just reflect on your own.

So for example, you can, at the end of
the day, at the end of a meeting, think to

yourself, what worked, what didn't work?

That reflection helps.

And my students will tell you.

Digitally recording yourself is
an amazing way to get the practice

and to see what's going on.

We are not the best judges
of our communication.

One of my former co-instructors,
Kristin Hansen, likes to talk about the

perception gap, our perception of our
communication versus what others see.

Recording yourself, while painful,
can actually be incredibly helpful.

I like to joke with my students that
digitally recording yourself and

watching it is like going to the dentist.

Many of us don't enjoy
going to the dentist, but we

sure are glad that we went.

When you digitally record yourself,
I encourage you to watch and

listen in a particular way.

After you've recorded yourself listen,
only, don't watch, just listen.

So if you did it on your
phone, turn it around and just

listen to what you sound like.

And then second, watch without
listening, turn the volume down and

then finally watch and listen together.

You will see so many different things
in each mode that you pay attention.

So John, there's lots you
can do to build your skills.

You can rely on organizations like
Toastmasters or educational opportunities.

You can digitally record yourself,
you can do personal reflection.

Whatever you do, keep learning and
working on your communication skills.

It is foundational to success in our
personal and our professional lives.

Thank you for those questions.

A special thanks to our premium members,
Guillermo and Maurice, and the other

premium members who ask questions.

I'd like to share some specifics
about things we have upcoming.

I am thrilled about some really exciting
opportunities we are bringing to

the Think Fast Talk Smart community.

Available today, in addition to our
normal premium offering, we have

brought the podcast to Apple Premium.

Many of you listen to
our podcast on Apple.

You can now do so in a premium
fashion if you so choose.

We are bringing an AI coach where
you will be able to interact with

me directly through spoken word and
get feedback on your communication.

And finally, we are building out a
learning hub, a community hub where

you can join not only to get actual
coursework from me but to meet other

like-minded, Think Fast Talk Smart
listeners and coordinate and collaborate.

We'll be bringing book clubs and
you'll even have the chance to

get feedback from me on specific
communication situations that you have.

So while Apple Premium is available
today, the AI coach and the learning

hub are coming very soon, and
I end not only by saying thank

you, but I have a favor to ask.

I would love for each of you to take
just a moment to give us a five star

rating on whatever tool you use to listen
to us, be it Spotify, Apple, Amazon,

whatever, and writing a positive review.

This actually helps extend the
reach of the podcast and our whole

goal is to help people around the
world improve their communication.

So give us a five star rating,
give us a positive review.

It's a great way of showing your
gratitude for Think Fast Talk Smart.

And then please share the show with your
friends, your family, your colleagues.

That's how we've grown
over all these years.

So with that, I will simply
say thank you for joining us.

We will do another AMA in the future.

It is a true pleasure to do this work.

Thank you and all the best.

Thank you for listening to this special
AMA, Ask Matt Anything episode of

Think Fast Talk Smart, the podcast.

To hear more answers to your
questions, check out episode 17.

For more on listening, tune in to
episode 114 with Julian Treasure.

This episode was produced by
Katherine Reed, Shelby Merryweather,

Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams.

Our music is from Floyd Wonder.

With special thanks to
Podium Podcast Company.

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