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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest into the lives of others. Find out more at youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You can mentor. What up, mentors?
Speaker 1:Today on the pod, I've got Ben Bevis, the executive director of Encircled, a nonprofit ministry dedicated to establishing mentoring circles around youth to support their faith, purpose, and growth. Ben holds training and credentials in therapy and coaching. He's a licensed marriage and family therapist and a certified life coach. In addition to that, my man Ben is a science of safety trainer helping communities apply frameworks that promote safety and supportive systems. Ben's work with Encircle builds on his background with youth, families, and helping systems.
Speaker 1:He has used his therapeutic and coaching skills to help youth and families identify vision, gifts, and supportive networks. Ben has been working with youth for over thirty years. On a personal level, Ben is married to his wife, Sarah, and they have three kids. They live in Minnesota, and he is all about community, mentorship, and helping youth cast vision for their lives, particularly integrating faith, relationships, and life purposes. You guys check out this pod.
Speaker 1:Share it with a mentoring friend. Find out more about encircled at encircled.org. It really is cool. I hope you all enjoy it. And remember, you can mentor.
Speaker 1:Alright. Welcome to the You Can Mentor podcast. This is your tallest mentoring friend, Zach, and I'm here with my friend, Ben. Ben, say hello.
Speaker 2:Hey. Hello. How's it going, Zach?
Speaker 1:Alright. Mister Ben Bevis, you, my friend, are on the podcast, and I'm super excited to hear about encircled and what you guys got going on. So I met Ben. Man, Ben, how did we meet?
Speaker 2:You you I think you saw me on LinkedIn and saw there was a bunch of shared relationships through 10 by 10, I believe. And then you reached out to me, and I'm like, sweet. I would love to connect with you, Zach.
Speaker 1:Yes. I stalked you. I
Speaker 2:Yeah. You did. Up mentor stalked. Beautiful sort of way. I I love that type of stalking.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's great. Okay. So Ben is doing something really, really cool with encircled. And so his mission is connecting the next generation to God and others through these things called mentor circles. And so, Ben, I'm super excited to get to hear more about these circles.
Speaker 1:And I I really do think that mentor circles surrounding your mentee with as many positive people as possible is just a absolutely tremendous idea. So I'm excited to hear from you, bud. Yeah. Of course. Okay.
Speaker 1:So first and foremost, Ben, tell us tell us about you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I have been doing some type of youth ministry for thirty one years. It makes me feel pretty old. And God put in my heart to really walk alongside teenagers for these last years. And through the years, I learned I needed some more schooling, I went back and got a master's in marriage and family therapy.
Speaker 2:So I've done some work in the therapy realm with with at risk teens. Also done a ton of mentoring with some different nonprofits doing mentoring, Christian based mentoring. And, I've also had opportunities to work with really hard, difficult family situations in the child protection field. Yeah. Lots of experience just walking alongside families.
Speaker 2:And six years ago, I decided to start my own nonprofit because I saw a need. I saw a hole in ministry around mentorship because so many of us that are doing mentorship or that our youth workers or youth pastors are trying to do it alone. And so this idea of getting mentor circles around students that really need to know that they're not alone, that there's a community around them because certain you know, kids that are really challenging, sometimes you need a circle. You need a group of people that are sharing the load of walking with students, and so that's why a big part of reason why I started Encircled. And so we create cutting edge resources that are very practical to equip parents, grandparents, mentors.
Speaker 2:All those people that, right, that are intentionally speaking into our students can have some tangible resources to to better get mentor circles around students. So that that's a little bit about what, yeah, what what I've been about, and I'm also a dad of three of my own. I have a 19 year old daughter who's in college. I have a 17 year old son who's in high school and then a eighth grader, son, and I'm married been married for almost twenty two years. So that's, in a snapshot, that's me.
Speaker 1:Man, Bin, that's so awesome. What's it like having a daughter in college?
Speaker 2:It's crazy. It is crazy. Yeah. It I feel yeah. It's all the feels.
Speaker 2:It's all the feels of both of I'm at work excited for our daughter, but also it's been really hard walking by her room at night when her door's open and no one's in there. We really miss her, and especially my wife not having a female in the home anymore is is hard. She's outnumbered by us males. So but we're thankful that she's connected. She's got a circle of people up there in college and here that are cheering her on, so we're thankful for that.
Speaker 1:And I think that really is been just kinda the whole heart behind these mentor circles. Right? It is whether it's you're a parent or a teacher or a mentor or just in your own personal life, you know that it really does take a village and that you can have a mentor. That's great. But so, so often in our stories, it's not just one person, but it's maybe one person for a season.
Speaker 1:And then it's a teacher here. It's a coach there. It's a youth pastor here. It's it's another mentor. Right?
Speaker 1:And so I know in my in my own personal story, I mean, I've been so fortunate to have, you know, six, seven, eight, nine men invest into me. And each of them showed me a different aspect of what it means to, you know, fulfill my my potential, to be a man of God. And so God God really does tend to use not just one person, but many. And that is what these circles are all about. It's surrounding your mentees, surrounding your kid with not just one, not just two, but three, four, five people who can stand in the gap.
Speaker 1:One, so one person doesn't carry that load. But two, so that mentee, that child has multiple people who can speak into their life, multiple people to learn from. So it's a it's it's a simple concept then, but in some ways, it is, kinda profound. And and and what I love about it is it removes the weight from the mentor. And so yeah.
Speaker 1:So can you just kinda can you just kinda speak to any of that?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So the reality is, yeah, some of the some of the harder kids that I've worked with, right, that are that are challenging, push back and kinda scare a lot of their possible mentors away. I don't know if you've experienced that. But I was one that was really drawn to those hard kids, and I saw it as, like, I am not giving up on this kid. And so I pursued them.
Speaker 2:I found out what what makes them tick, what gets them out of bed in the morning. And so I was one that there was there was a a bunch of kids that I would mentor that saw me as their guy. Right? I wasn't trying to be their guy. I wasn't trying to be their father figure, but that's what I became.
Speaker 2:But the more that I was doing that with 10 to 15 hard kids, I realized I need to get other people around me because I can't sustain being a mentor on my own to this many kids with this many behaviors or challenges. So I think intuitively, I just learned I'm gonna get burnt out of this if I don't start to get other people around this kid and around me. And so that's what it started out before I created encircled was how do we start to get other people in the community through the YMCA, through a church, through other mentor groups, through family, and start to kind of form these circles around them. And I just saw huge value both for me to sustain ministry for the longer haul. And now I get to the point, and I'm sure you've done this, I'm being asked to perform weddings of young men that I've mentored, and what a blast that is to see them get to the point where they have a job, they found a spouse, They're trying to pursue Jesus in their in their realm.
Speaker 2:But there were some hard years that that that had to go through, but I needed to get a circle around them, not just I couldn't do it on my own.
Speaker 1:So not only is it beneficial for the kid. Right? Not not only are you surrounding them with multiple positive people who can speak into their life, who can encourage, who can show up to their games and so on, But it's also, dare I say, essential for the mentor as well. It's if you want to especially if you're, you know, especially if you lack kinda some bandwidth or maybe you aren't you don't have a lot of experience working with, kids who have experienced some some of, some of the things that our kids have. It is essential to surround yourself with people who can help out, with people who can make it to where it is manageable, to where it's not such a heavy load, but that when you hang out with your mentee, it's it's actually life giving, and it and it it adds joy so that you can mentor for the long haul, so you don't get burned out.
Speaker 1:Is that right? Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. That's correct. That's correct. And I would just piggyback on what you shared earlier.
Speaker 2:When students have a group of people that are intentional, that hopefully have a shared faith, like we're talking about shared faith in Jesus, following Jesus, I see the way the Holy Spirit creatively works through each of them in unique ways, right? So they one mentor has a unique perspective around a career idea or a vocation, or one is really passionate about getting to the word or helping build spiritual formation practices in that student. Maybe one is very passionate about finance, and they really wanna walk with that student to help them learn how to save money and have a budget. Because not all of us are wired to do all of those things really well, and that's something that that I see as the benefit to getting a circle of unique people that the student picks. Right?
Speaker 2:So we we see we don't create fine mentors for the students, but we create resources to help that student pick and almost drive the bus on this process of who do they already feel connected to, who are the people that show up to their games, or they feel loved on at church or at at school in the hallways. So they get a pick, and they get a pick who they wanna have. But like I was saying, it's amazing to see how the Holy Spirit shows up through those unique mentors in ways that only they could cocreate this mentor relationship.
Speaker 1:Which, Ben, is so cool because you're doing a number of things. One, you're putting the onus on them. You're teaching them how to be responsible. You're giving them control of their life, and you're not pairing them with just some average Joe Schmo. You're you're letting them choose who are the people that you wanna be encouraged by, who are the people who have say in your life, who are the people that you wanna extend your life to?
Speaker 1:And so that is that is such a cool deal that it is actually the kid who picks out this circle. And so, Bidman, just why don't you just walk me through, how how this happens? So I'm assuming that you find a kid and then
Speaker 2:So what we actually do is we create, key resources for the mentor or the parent that, sees a need for getting a mentor circle around the kid. Right? And we'll train them and equip that guide to utilize our resources. We have an app, that helps really start a mentor circle plan, and then that guide or parent or mentor would reach out to their student that they have this relationship with and say, hey. Have this great idea, this resource that I wanna walk through with you that's gonna bring some structure to our mentor relationship.
Speaker 2:Right? And so, then that that guide or mentor will walk through our key steps. So at encircled, if you go to encircled.org and look at our free resources, it will show you, what our app does. And so we have some key components of that student and mentor will walk through the identity exercise. So it's a way for them to press into what is their god given identity versus what is the identity that the world tells them to have.
Speaker 2:Right? So it grounds them in who god says they are, and then it's a conversation that that that mentor can have with that student about what does that mean to you, and what's what's meaningful about knowing your core identity is being loved by God or a child of God, right, or forgiven. Okay? So that's the identity exercise. Then the mentor gets to walk through helping them discover their God giving gifts.
Speaker 2:We all have God giving gifts. Some students, it seems easier to find than others, but we all have character strengths, and so it's really grounded in this idea of our character strengths versus our abilities on this earth of you're really fast at, you know, running, or you're the best on the football team, or you get straight a's. Most of the students I worked with didn't get straight a's. They were often in the principal's office because they were in trouble. Right?
Speaker 2:And some did pretty good at sports, but so it's this leveling this playing field of how do we help them discover their god given gifts as far as their character. Right? And then the third step that the mentor gets to do with that student is help them create a vision for how to live those gifts out in the world. Right? So goals and creating a vision is so important.
Speaker 2:I know for me, as a dad now, probably I wouldn't have thought of that as a 17 year old boy back in the day, but there's something super meaningful about helping our mentees create what they want. What do you want in life? What do you wanna work towards around faith, around career, around relationships? Maybe it's around sports or even video games. Like, there's some kids that just love video games, and so we wanna honor and let them set goals for the things that they're excited about.
Speaker 2:And then this all culminates in the mentor gets to work with their student to help them think about who is who are their circle members? Who are the people that show up in their lives already? Right? And what do they do? And so then they get to invite through the app experience who their mentor circle is.
Speaker 2:And after that, this is where the magic happens. They get to gather their circle, hopefully, in an in person gathering to allow the student to share out the things they learned about their identity gifts vision, and then to give the opportunity to these mentors to encourage them about what they see, how they got see God using them already, maybe sharing some wisdom because us adults like to download wisdom on the students that we mentor. Right? And the students usually like to listen to our wisdom, but my kids always don't always wanna do that with me. But and then to really make commitments for how those mentors are gonna walk with that student, Because so many mentees, as you probably experienced, when they go to church or are involved in a program, they don't always feel like the adults in their lives are care much about how they're doing.
Speaker 2:Right? And so we wanna reverse that, and we really wanna show this tangible commitment for how those mentors are gonna take small little steps to walk with them and to make tangible steps around faith, around, hey, I'm gonna help you fill out a resume, or I wanna help you, you know, find a job, or maybe try to make an create an application to get into college, right? So those are tangible commitments, and then it closes in a time of blessing. So in this app experience, all of these things get inputted into this app, and the student and the mentors then have a plan for how everyone is gonna engage in this mentor relationship with this student, and it's pretty sweet. So we're just trying to make it as easy as possible for this to happen, and, we've really seen some some exciting impact already.
Speaker 1:Man, so what I'm hearing is this. Okay? If you're a mentor, first and foremost, go get the app. Okay? And then you are a guide, and this is actually what you call your mentors.
Speaker 1:You actually call them guides. And then you engage your mentee and you say, hey, I've got this app. I've got this idea. I've got something that I want us to do together. And we assume that they say yes.
Speaker 1:You help them identify their identity. You help them identify their gifts. You help them create a vision. You help them identify who they wanna surround themselves with. You all get together.
Speaker 1:You talk about it. Hey. Tell us how we can help you. Tell us what you hope to accomplish, and then you all bless them. And, Ben, what I love about this and why I wanted to have you on our podcast is because this kind of framework that you have laid out, that you have given mentors access to is exactly how God transformed my life in an organic way.
Speaker 1:You know, I was fortunate enough to go through a discipleship school. And there was this guy there, this this, older man named Steve. And Steve helped me identify my identity. He helped speak life into my gifts. He helped me create a vision.
Speaker 1:He introduced me to all of his friends. And then together, they said, hey, Zach. You tell us what you want. And I said, well, I wanna become this, this, this, this. And they said, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, all of us are we will all commit to working together to help you achieve God's call on your life. And so they obviously didn't know it, but they were creating a mentor circle for me. And they were empowering me, and they were speaking life over me. And to encourage is to open up someone's chest and insert courage. And those those people who surrounded me, well, that's why I am here today.
Speaker 1:So it's a big deal. It's very, very powerful.
Speaker 2:That's powerful.
Speaker 1:Ah, it's awesome. Man, Ben, do, you have, like, a personal story of a, mentor circle, or maybe tell us first, how did you come up with this? Like, what happened? There had to be a kid. There had to be a story, that kinda got your creative kinda juices flowing?
Speaker 2:I would say the the one young man that that stands out to me that was the origin story for this was a young man named Drory. And I mentored him for a while, and he ended up graduating, and we lost touch a little bit, but then he would call me here and there, and it was about two years later that he, I found out he overdosed on heroin, and I performed his funeral, and I remember standing up in front of all his peers and family, and I felt God say, Ben, you need to do something about this problem of young people kind of living a purposeful life, purposeless life. Right? And so that was the impetus for me saying, I need to now go create this. I already kinda knew the structure.
Speaker 2:So I wanna talk talk to you about Bill, who's a young man that went through encircled, his teacher noticed that Bill was a different kid. He was engaged in school. He was asking questions. He just seemed to have more life to him. And his mom was blown away, and she said, oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:He's going through this encircled thing. And so about two weeks later, we brought his gathering of his mentor circle around him, and Bill was able to highlight his gifts of music and playing guitar, and his circle was blown away at this kid that was normally pretty quiet and reserved playing these crazy guitar riffs, and they then made commitments for how they're gonna walk with him around music, around faith, around working towards getting a degree. And I asked Bill, what was the impact of going through this encircled experience? And he said, I think God wants me to use my gift of music to bring others closer to him. That was his takeaway.
Speaker 2:And so he started to play in bands and play at church more, and it was just this amazing opportunity that I saw God show up through these mentors in a special way. And there's this big impact on both Bill, on his parents, and on these mentors because they got to be a part of this beautiful experience. So that's my one story that stands out right now.
Speaker 1:That's so good. You know, I'm I'm sitting here staring at a bunch of statistics on mentoring. Right? Oh, yeah. And, yes, one stable, caring relationship is the number one factor in resilience in kids.
Speaker 1:That was from the center of developing child at Harvard. But then there's a couple more that just shows exactly what it is that you're talking about, and that is that children with consistent access to trusted adults, adults being more than one, report higher resilience and better long term health. That comes from, the BMC Psychology magazine. Next is the Kauai longitudinal study, and that shows that mentorship really does change outcomes. They followed 698 kids for forty years.
Speaker 1:And these researchers, doctor Werner and Smith, they found that kids facing multiple risk factors who had a bond with multiple caring adults often grew into competent, caring, successful adults. Youth with five or more strong adult connections outside their family are far more likely to thrive academically, socially, and emotionally. That's from the SEARCH Institute, and that's called the developmental research or the developmental relationships framework of 2017. There's also from the CDC Kaiser ACE study from Harvard. It says access to a consistent mentor or adult figures mitigates the effects of adverse childhood experiences, reducing the long term risks of mental illness, substance abuse, and poor health.
Speaker 1:So mentoring really does matter. One mentor is amazing. Two is even better. Four, five, that's a complete game changer. So, Ben, man, I'm I'm just so thankful for your, wisdom.
Speaker 1:I'm thankful for your experiences. I'm thankful. And and guys like Ben Ben, I think this is our third or fourth time to talk to him. Man, you really do have the heart of a father. You have the heart of a pastor.
Speaker 1:And what I think the fact that you wanna surround these kids, not just with one person, but with four and five, I think that just shows to, your heart and how much you not only care about mentoring, but how how much you've seen the power of mentoring. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. No. Thanks. Thanks, Zach, for just, yeah, being invited to be a part of this community of others that are passionate about this idea of of getting relational relational discipleship around this next generation because that's what we need to do is walk with students. We don't have to be perfect as mentors.
Speaker 2:Sometimes we think we gotta be the perfect mentor. I don't think there is one. But to be able to be open and transparent and prayerful and consistent is such a a key part, right, from from how I look at it. So thanks for letting me be a part of this.
Speaker 1:Of course, man. Ben, if, there's only one thing that you had to leave us mentors with, tell us what that would be.
Speaker 2:I would say this next generation wasn't meant to do life on their own, but in community. So they need a community around them. That's what I would say.
Speaker 1:It's good, Ben. Man, tell people how to find you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So reach out at encircle.org or shoot me an email at info@encircle.org. Check out our resources, and we have just some exciting opportunities for you as a mentor or as a parent to be able to use what we have. It's free. We're not expecting anything in return other other than just use what we have and reach out.
Speaker 2:Would love to get on a chat and chat more about what you're doing in the world of mentorship because I'm always learning. I'm learning as I go here. So, that's what I would say. It's awesome.
Speaker 1:Thanks a lot, Ben, man. I just love love this concept of mentor circles, and I'm very thankful for you. Mentors, if you didn't take anything away from this podcast, well, I honestly don't know what's wrong with you. But always remember this, You Can Mentor.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Our vision is to raise up and invest in mentoring leaders who will launch and grow thriving mentoring ministries. We do that by equipping and encouraging faith based leaders through relational connection, Christ centered resources and collaborative gatherings. Check out our books, come to the National Christian Mentoring Gathering and engage with our network and cohorts. You can find all this at youcanmentor.com or on social media.
Speaker 1:Please share this episode with a mentoring friend and leave us that five star review. Thank you. You Can Mentor.