Journey to the Sunnyside

It often looks like other people can drink without thinking about it. One drink. No drama. No second-guessing. In this episode, we look at why that comparison is so convincing—and why it usually breaks down on closer inspection. From the way alcohol shifts attention to the information you never actually see when watching others drink, this conversation explores how comparison quietly turns every decision into something you’re evaluating. Not to tell you how to drink, but to help you stop measuring yourself against an incomplete picture.

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Disclaimer: This podcast is not intended as medical advice, and the views of the guests may not represent the views of Sunnyside. If you’re concerned about your health or alcohol use, please consider seeking advice from a doctor.

Creators and Guests

Host
Mike Hardenbrook
#1 best-selling author of "No Willpower Required," neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert.

What is Journey to the Sunnyside?

Journey to the Sunnyside is a top 1% podcast, reaching over 500,000 listeners every week. It’s your guide to exploring mindful living with alcohol—whether you're cutting back, moderating, or thinking about quitting.

While Sunnyside helps you reduce your drinking, this podcast goes further, diving into topics like mindful drinking, sober curiosity, moderation, and full sobriety. Through real stories, expert insights, and science-backed strategies, we help you find what actually works for your journey.

Hosted by Mike Hardenbrook, a #1 best-selling author and neuroscience enthusiast, the show is dedicated to helping people transform their relationship with alcohol—without shame, judgment, or rigid rules.

This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the leading platform for mindful drinking. Want to take the next step in your journey? Head over to sunnyside.co for a free 15-day trial.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in our episodes do not necessarily represent those of Sunnyside. We’re committed to sharing diverse perspectives on health and wellness. If you’re concerned about your drinking, please consult a medical professional. Sunnyside, this podcast, and its guests are not necessarily medical providers and the content is not medical advice. We do not endorse drinking in any amount.

Speaker 1:

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another one of these ten minute Mondays. And I want to start with a scenario that a lot of people here might relate. So picture this. You're out with friends, drinks are around, and then at some point, you catch yourself watching how other people drink.

Speaker 1:

Maybe who's drinking, who's not, who grabbed a glass and hasn't put that single glass down and it's been over an hour? Why does it look so easy? And then suddenly the question isn't really around the alcohol anymore. It's, why do they make it look so easy? And more importantly, why does it feel so hard for me?

Speaker 1:

Now, when you're in these scenarios, you're not consciously comparing yourself. Sometimes it just kind of slips in. And once that question shows up, everything else that you're doing starts getting evaluated. Every drink, every pause, every decision. And a drink stops being a drink and starts being something that all of a sudden you're measuring more than you were before.

Speaker 1:

Now here's something that matters. Alcohol is confusing. What do I mean by that? Well, you don't get clear feedback. You don't wake up with this scoreboard that tells you how you did.

Speaker 1:

Some nights you feel fine, some nights you don't, and it's not always obvious why. So people naturally start looking around to see how they're supposed to be doing it. And that's why comparison comes in. Now here's where things start to break down. You're comparing yourself to internal experiences to other people's visible behavior.

Speaker 1:

So let me give you an example. Picture this. You're at a backyard barbecue. It's a Saturday afternoon. And maybe you decide, Hey, I'm not drinking today, and I'm going to feel really good about this.

Speaker 1:

I am resolute. This is what I'm doing. I'm going to bring my non alcoholic alternative. And then your friend, let's call her Sarah, she shows up. She's got a six pack in hand.

Speaker 1:

She sets it down. She grabs one. She starts chatting. She has beer over a couple hours. She looks relaxed.

Speaker 1:

She's laughing, and she's barely paying attention to it. And then suddenly, you're really not thinking about the barbecue anymore. You're thinking, Boy, she makes it look so easy. One beer, done. Why can't I do that?

Speaker 1:

And in the midst of all of that, during the afternoon, maybe a part of your brain was also tracking. It was saying, I wonder if she's going to grab another one. Is she even thinking about it? What makes her different than me? Now that's the visible behavior.

Speaker 1:

Right? We're filling in the gaps. But meanwhile, let's say, for example, Sarah goes home and she opens a bottle of wine. She has a couple more glasses. Maybe she even finishes the whole bottle watching TV.

Speaker 1:

She wakes up the next day. She feels like crap. She feels regret. She's even saying to herself, you know what? I'm gonna change today.

Speaker 1:

But you didn't see any of that. You saw somebody with a drink. You saw them laughing. You saw what looked like effortless moderation. What you didn't see was the mental negotiation.

Speaker 1:

Let's say she wanted to bring that six pack and she's telling herself all day long, I'm only going to have one. Or maybe how often she actually says no to have that one beer. And of course, you didn't see what cost her later. And maybe what she's already changed, maybe she's done a year of Sunnyside without actually talking about it. Your brain fills in those gaps, and it usually fills them in, in ways that don't help you.

Speaker 1:

It assumes there's ease. It assumes there's effortlessness. It assumes that you are the odd one out. Now, we do these comparisons all day long with all kinds of things. But when it comes to alcohol, it actually makes it worse.

Speaker 1:

So when you notice someone who seems to drink effortlessly, your brain treats it as something that's important. And it comes back to it, and it uses it as a reference point. And it's not because it's accurate. It's because it stands out, and that's its focus. And that's why comparison, especially around alcohol, tends to stick more than comparisons when it comes to other things and other habits.

Speaker 1:

Now there's one more thing worth mentioning. Alcohol, it doesn't feel the same for everyone. Some people get bigger reward from it and some get much less. When the reward is smaller, of course, that pull is going to be smaller. And that changes how easy, or maybe how difficult, moderation can feel based on the individual.

Speaker 1:

It's just how different nervous systems, they respond, especially to outside substances. And it's another reason why comparison, it falls apart so quickly here. Because this is where this idea of the effortless drinker comes from. That completely carefree, unaffected drinker is mostly a story that we tell ourselves or one that we'd made up because we saw him on beer commercials and liquor commercials. Now it's not because everyone else is struggling, but it's more around because effort and cost, they're often invisible.

Speaker 1:

So what looks like effortless usually means something else is happening. Maybe you see them with one drink. Well, maybe they really don't drink all that much together, and this is that rare occasion. Maybe they build guardrails around it, or maybe they use Sunnyside, and you don't see that. Maybe they're actually drinking more, and they pay for it later.

Speaker 1:

Or maybe alcohol physically just doesn't have the same pull that it does for you. What's important to understand is that effortless doesn't mean cost free. And it definitely doesn't mean that your experience is the wrong one. The real problem with comparison isn't how it makes you feel, It's what it pulls your attention away from. So instead of noticing what's actually working for you or what actually feels better in your body or what kind of relationship you want with alcohol, you end up stuck on a question that doesn't lead anywhere.

Speaker 1:

Why can't I be like that? In that question, it keeps you looking outward. And this is where people can stall out. They're making changes. They're learning.

Speaker 1:

They're adjusting. But they're still measuring themselves against an imagined standard the entire time. So even progress doesn't really feel like progress. And when comparison drops away, something else starts to shift. You might start noticing more patterns instead of judging outcomes based on comparison.

Speaker 1:

You might start making adjustments without turning them into verdicts based on how you perceive other people. So if there's one thing I'd like to leave you with, it's this: a lot of the pressure that people feel around alcohol, it doesn't come from the alcohol itself. It actually comes from this comparison that we're always running in the background. And once we see that clearly, we start to relieve some of this pressure to always benchmark ourselves because that measuring yourself against a story that was probably never even real, that's a lot to carry. So next time you catch yourself comparing, let's say at a party or maybe you're scrolling on social media or wherever it shows up, just notice it.

Speaker 1:

You don't have to fix it. You don't have to fight it. Just recognize what's happening. And your attention is now drifting outward, so you can catch yourself and bring it back in. That's usually where change starts anyways.

Speaker 1:

Okay. Thanks for hanging out with me today. If you got anything out of this episode, please rate and review. Of course, I'd love to hear from you. MikeSunnyside dot co.

Speaker 1:

And until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.