Mystery Maniacs

🎙️ Episode: https://share.transistor.fm/s/9e6c635e
📓 Show Notes: https://midsomermaniacs.transistor.fm/261

Mystery Maniacs Episode! In Podcast 261, does Todd finally snap? Who should be at the writers' retreat? All these questions are answered on Gina’s Busman’s Holiday. 

Show Notes
Mike’s Map

Social Media Post 

Mark's Mystery Novels: I'm launching two cozy mystery series this spring! Subscribe to my author newsletter at https://markbellauthor.substack.com/ to get free preview chapters in March before anyone else. Mystery Maniacs listeners get first access.

Thanks again for listening!
 
Mark & Sarah

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Upcoming Tentative  Schedule
  • March  23 - Brokenwood S10E04 - “Love You to Death”
  • March 30 - Brokenwood S10E05 - “The House of Screams”

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Creators and Guests

Host
Mark Bell
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs
Host
Sarah Smith-Robbins
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs

What is Mystery Maniacs?

Mystery Maniacs Podcast is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to British Mystery Television. Formerly, Midsomer Maniacs podcast.

Sarah:

It felt like drawing a little waves. I would have put some little sharks in it and sea monsters. Hey, Maniacs. Hey,

Mark:

Mystery Maniacs. Mystery Maniacs is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to Mystery TV. Each week, we dig into an episode of the show including the murders, the mayhem, the loonies, and everything else we love this week.

Sarah:

Season ten episode three of Brokenwood. Publish

Mark:

or be damned. Damned. But before I'm we big on the vocal stuff now Yeah. Because I got you know, some people said that my singing last week was pretty good. So And your desperado singing?

Mark:

My desperado singing.

Sarah:

People don't encourage him. He's got echo filters and all kinds of weirdness. He'll use them. Before we dive into the episode Yep. We have a correction.

Sarah:

Welcome to Mark's correction corner.

Mark:

Actually Is that what we call it? Yeah. Boy, did I screw up last week, and it got personal.

Sarah:

Really fast. Yeah. So But legitimately.

Mark:

I incorrectly attributed the writing of last week's episode to the woman who is has written episodes before who started an earlier episode when actually the woman who wrote last week's episode whose name is Tanya Clowens is the costume designer that we've spoke to before. Mhmm. And she's written

Sarah:

And she listens. Hi, Tanya.

Mark:

Hi, Tanya.

Sarah:

Sorry. He's a dork and got it wrong.

Mark:

I'm I'm terribly sorry. I'm

Sarah:

Thank you for

Mark:

letting That was us a rough day. Thank you for letting us know. She was spectacularly nice Nice about it. Yeah. And everything.

Mark:

But it was nice to hear from her about I asked her a couple of questions about the episode. She said that she had wanted to do something on that theme for a while.

Sarah:

The Day of the Dead.

Mark:

Yeah. Had been collecting stuff and she writes another episode in season eleven.

Sarah:

Remind me before we talk about it. Yes. Or maybe you don't because now I'm self conscious. Like, we make fun of the episodes and some plot holes and stuff that could be from editing or could be from the writing. And now I'm self conscious about I Not that it's a bad thing that that isn't explained.

Sarah:

It's okay.

Mark:

I reviewed the previous episode and found all the problems to be in the editing.

Sarah:

Exactly. I blame the editor Yeah.

Mark:

Who probably doesn't listen. Spectacular. Exactly.

Sarah:

Yes. I'm sure that she had a whole scene in there about where Hope gets that costume and explained it thoroughly, but it Is got

Mark:

it weird to you that we're disgust probably on this set?

Sarah:

That would be great.

Mark:

It is. It is great, but it's also a little weird. We have made that correction.

Sarah:

Correction issued. Sorry, Tanya. And You should see all the things he screws up on a regular basis that aren't recorded. It's amazing.

Mark:

Boy, do we have a new season of Traders to be enjoying. Traders UK.

Sarah:

It's really fun.

Mark:

Yep. It has it's the so Traders does celebrity episodes which are The US version of Traders. Mhmm. And then they do

Sarah:

The UK seasons which are regular people.

Mark:

Yeah. They're regular people and With Claudia. I find them much better.

Sarah:

I do too. And this one's been really fun so far.

Mark:

It's definitely been some twists and turns.

Sarah:

If you if you like reality elimination shows, you should check it out.

Mark:

Absolutely. It's

Sarah:

fun. Are you ready to talk about publish or be damned?

Mark:

I don't know. Like, okay. I wanna be clear and this is not a reflection on last week's mistake that I made. But Sure. The plotting of this episode is excellent.

Mark:

Mhmm. To the very last moment, you don't know who the killer is.

Sarah:

Right.

Mark:

And everyone has a lot of plausible reasons to do it and opportunity to do it. Mhmm. Like, there aren't like, sometimes

Sarah:

Is there a butt coming?

Mark:

No. Sometimes with these shows, people get eliminated really early and then you're left with three people and it's like, well, it's obviously that.

Sarah:

Oh, there's only three people who aren't regulars, so it has to be one of them.

Mark:

Yes. And the the characterization and the motivations are all complex and interesting. The characters themselves, I think, are a bit boring.

Sarah:

Yeah. That's my problem with it. Yeah. It's well plotted. Yeah.

Sarah:

But I don't care. Yeah. Because I don't like any of these people. I'm not sorry that Audrey's dead. She's awful.

Mark:

I I was like, oh, it's ginger doctor. And then I'm like, I wish they gave her more.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

And they tried. It's sorta interesting, but

Sarah:

Just sad.

Mark:

It's kinda sad too. By the way,

Sarah:

we're gonna spoil it. It's a spoiler podcast. If you've never listened before, we're gonna give it away. We're gonna tell you who did it right about now. Lloyd.

Mark:

Lloyd. This episode This episode was originally aired on the 05/13/2024 and directed by Anoui Simichpine. I hope I said that right. And written by Roy Ward and Laura Hill.

Sarah:

The the problem with this episode is that there's very little fun to be had in it. Everybody's awful and dislikable or just Gus the swimmer is just dumb.

Mark:

It's kind of like

Sarah:

He's super dumb. I don't how he ties his shoes.

Mark:

Okay. Yeah. He's super. And also, no Olympic swimmer looks like that. Like, if he had said he was a shot putter

Sarah:

He's too hairy to be an Olympic swimmer.

Mark:

I was like, that doesn't really work, dude.

Sarah:

That's my least concern.

Mark:

So first of all, we have the trope that is absolutely there's two tropes that we have to deal with right away. The first trope being all authors have anything to do with Brokenwood are big fat jerks.

Sarah:

Yes. And Self centered, egotistical

Mark:

jerks. Like, why do these people hate authors?

Sarah:

It's funny that writers write stories about how awful writers are.

Mark:

Indeed. Indeed. It's really so amazing. Audrey is horrible. Like, okay.

Mark:

Just just the sins off the top. She has no idea how to give feedback.

Sarah:

No. She's not gonna have a long lived writer's retreat if that's how she treats people who come to learn how to write.

Mark:

Second of all, she has written three books. One of which was helped by her friend. Mhmm. How does she afford that multi million dollar estate?

Sarah:

Her house is the best part of the episode. I want it.

Mark:

It's so beautiful. Kitchen.

Sarah:

Oh. She has a kitchen you can walk around in. I'm jealous.

Mark:

Yes. Our kitchen is the

Sarah:

Armpit of our house.

Mark:

Choke point. I was gonna say choke point, but

Sarah:

It's the choking armpit of our house. So that's one trope. What's the second trope?

Mark:

The second trope is yurts.

Sarah:

Yes. Where there are yurts, there are death. If you glamp, you die.

Mark:

Now, I don't know. I think I mentioned this after I did it, but I looked into us going to a retreat last summer that involved yurts.

Sarah:

I don't remember you saying that.

Mark:

So I heard about this

Sarah:

retreat still be holding this against you, I think. I remember that you said that. I don't remember.

Mark:

Clearly. Now

Sarah:

You know me well enough that you did not suggest this as an actual thing that we do.

Mark:

Oh, no. You you'll get to the reason why in a second. Mhmm. So, I I saw this retreat, I thought that would be fun for us to go to. And it was a three day retreat.

Mark:

It was an Upper New York State. I thought, this would be fun. This is this is something we're interested in. It has people we're interested in and we would get to stay in a yurt, so likely we would either see or be murdered. Mhmm.

Mark:

So, this retreat was run by a person named Stephen Page. Do you do you know who that is?

Sarah:

Bare Naked Ladies lead singer. Right?

Mark:

Yes. So this was really a number of Canadian and late eighties happy song people.

Sarah:

Wait a minute. What's in this for me?

Mark:

Like, Stephen Page was gonna be there, people from Sloan were gonna be there. Well, they were there.

Sarah:

Uh-huh.

Mark:

Some other bands that we like were going to be there. Uh-huh. So it was kind of a musical fun retreat.

Sarah:

It's work camp.

Mark:

It wasn't it wasn't a musician camp. You it was a hobnob with these rock stars camp.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

But then I looked into the price. And now this is the price for the luxury cottages. So, I'm not going to tell you the price because of course they don't tell you the price but

Sarah:

I If they don't tell you it's too expensive.

Mark:

I can estimate the price was in the 5 figure range each for three days. We

Sarah:

do get big YouTube money now. We make like $5 a month on YouTube.

Mark:

So We do get the big big YouTube YouTube money, but I don't think we get that much big YouTube money. But if we had have gone, there would have been a murder.

Sarah:

God, I hope so. That would have made it kinda worth it.

Mark:

I thought you would have fun.

Sarah:

Yeah. Okay. I never want to stay in a yurt. Can I just say that?

Mark:

I didn't look at the yurts. There were yurts. Okay? I looked at the luxury cottage.

Sarah:

Gina is staying staying in a yurt, and they're nice. They've got beds in them and like furniture and stuff. Not quite like the glamping that happens in midsummer with Father Brown in the hot tub. That was a bit more rough, I think.

Mark:

Mhmm.

Sarah:

Though there was a sauna thing, wasn't there? So it could be worse. But where there is glamping, there will be death. I'm convinced of that.

Mark:

And even though we do make the YouTube money, we don't have a room in our house dedicated to a floating pool

Sarah:

thing. Flotation tank?

Mark:

Yes. Would would you How many of those are sold in New Zealand? In Brokenwood. Yeah. In Little Brokenwood.

Mark:

And like

Sarah:

If everybody had one, he wouldn't have enough to keep in business.

Mark:

So this is a business, Brokenwood Floatation.

Sarah:

Vinny.

Mark:

Vinny runs it. But they spent thousands of dollars on the promo for this. They made flyers.

Sarah:

For all of his sales materials.

Mark:

They covered his his truck. There are two banners and posters in the shop. Yeah. Plus there's a flotation tank. Did they buy that just for the episode?

Sarah:

You could have rented it. I'm sure you can rent them.

Mark:

I guess.

Sarah:

It's gotta be like having a hot tub in your house though. You need to have like ample ventilation and stuff. Otherwise, you've just got a mold room.

Mark:

He's as stupid as Vinny, so they belong together.

Sarah:

His name is Vinny.

Mark:

No. He's as stupid as the swimmer. Gus?

Sarah:

Yes. So we've got amongst the unlikable people who have attended this writing retreat. We've got Gus the dumb swimmer.

Mark:

I swim in the water.

Sarah:

Sienna the lying influencer.

Mark:

Yeah. This is kind of mean spirited like, okay, influencers are like normal people. There are lots of horrible ones and there are some that are great. But this is certainly a mean spirited representation.

Sarah:

The stereotype in these shows is that they're awful. They're awful fake people. We've got Doctor. Carlton, her dad, who she's estranged from for good reason.

Mark:

Well, he's a killer.

Sarah:

Blair Donnelly, the widower Yep. Who's still grieving way too much to be writing about it, and Todd.

Mark:

Yeah. What's Todd gonna write about?

Sarah:

All of his jobs? Maybe? A memoir about all of his jobs?

Mark:

These

Sarah:

And how are he finds bodies at all of his jobs?

Mark:

These are the bodies I found with Frodo.

Sarah:

Why I can't hold down a job because of the dead by Todd. My part time job is a body discoverer with Frodo. Frodo could write the foreword.

Mark:

Yes. Now they do a great thing. The part with Todd and Blair is the highlight of the episode.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah. It's genuine. It's sweet. It's kind of a red herring for about thirty seconds.

Sarah:

Sort of. Because they have a discussion about putting human remains into the water and he's just talking about his wife's ashes, not Audrey's body.

Mark:

See, what we have is we have Trudy hangover. Because Trudy killed a person

Sarah:

and And went to jail strung him up like a scarecrow.

Mark:

We're like, maybe Todd could snap. Yeah. Maybe Frodo could snap.

Sarah:

Are they are they the joists of Brokenwood? Frodo and and Todd actually commit all of the murders and frame everybody else. There's actually secretly super minds. I all I know is that, well, number one, Audrey's writing, if she didn't die when she held the first one, Audrey's writing retreat is not gonna be long lived because word's gonna get around that she's mean to everybody who shows up.

Mark:

She's so mean.

Sarah:

So nobody's gonna wanna go there. And somehow, she only attracts assholes and idiots.

Mark:

Yeah. And there are there are a spectacular amount of those type of people in Brokenwood that she could have attracted that would have added to this.

Sarah:

But like Gina is she lives in town. Why is she staying in a yurt? Would you want to sleep in a yurt when you could just go home at the end of the day?

Mark:

Well, and plus okay. Remember Gina's night is she goes to write, she goes to bed, she gets called into the lab. She's up all night. She's up all night in the lab.

Sarah:

And then she finds a body.

Mark:

And then like she's not having a good time.

Sarah:

No. That is a good time for Gina.

Mark:

Well, I guess.

Sarah:

There's corpses all the time.

Mark:

Okay. She is having a rough a time that is contrary to writing.

Sarah:

She's having a busman's holiday Yes. Which she seems to enjoy

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Because she loves the corpses.

Mark:

She loves the corpses.

Sarah:

But these are kind of not everybody is an asshole. Alright? So Gus is just really stupid. Yes. So he's not a bad person.

Sarah:

He's just really dumb. Doctor Carlton is not a bad person. Her dad is, but she's not.

Mark:

And she she becomes, like, incredibly tragic. Yeah. She's going to lose her father to an illness and jail.

Sarah:

And she had totally legitimate reasons for not wanting to be around him in the first place.

Mark:

And when she found out that he had slept with Audrey, she must have been like, I'm leaving here and not her If coming

Sarah:

you don't remember, if you haven't watched the episode recently, doctor Carlton is the one doctor at the Brokenwood Hospital that we always see. Ginger doctor. Her dad shows up who she's estranged from. She's estranged from him because when she was a child, he left her mother for another woman, and her mother took her own life afterwards. And instead of her dad coming back, he just didn't.

Sarah:

And she had to she was raised by an aunt.

Mark:

By an aunt.

Sarah:

So he's the worst worst. And now he's back because he's dying and because he needs money. Yeah. And he's a killer.

Mark:

And like, okay.

Sarah:

He's a bad person.

Mark:

That aunt did a great job. You don't become a doctor unless you have parents who help you.

Sarah:

Who support you and believe in you and encourage you. Incredibly rare. But if if you're Audrey Yeah. And you really want to have a writer's retreat for assholes.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

There's a few missing that would have made it more interesting.

Mark:

Oh, you have some names?

Sarah:

Brokenwood folks who would have contributed some spice. Okay. So that it wouldn't be quite so we hate all these people. This is boring.

Mark:

The The the problem I find is they are unlikable and not they're not characters. No. Do you have characters?

Sarah:

Well, like Frodo's dad.

Mark:

Oh, Papa Oates.

Sarah:

If Papa Oates shows up.

Mark:

Oh, he could write like, okay, my life with my wife, stepsister aunt. Yes. And our children.

Sarah:

Can just imagine

Mark:

Called digging my own grave. Remember, he's a grave digger.

Sarah:

I mean, just imagine him reading his draft, and it's just all about him having sex with various women. And people like, stop. Or, you know, Doug has a good story to tell.

Mark:

If you My ex wife, the murderer.

Sarah:

Yeah. Like, he's got a good angle there.

Mark:

I'm scared of scarecrows.

Sarah:

I'm scared of my ex wife and scarecrows.

Mark:

Can you imagine pop curmudgeon could

Sarah:

be added to the mix.

Mark:

If Papa Oates started reading that and Todd was there, he would be like texting Frodo. Your dad's talking about your aunt mother, sister

Sarah:

Again. In law. Naked. Step. Your step aunt mom.

Sarah:

They should have writing assignments that people who are jerks would like. Like, 500 words on why you're always right.

Mark:

Or why why everyone in your workplace is wrong.

Sarah:

Yeah. Exactly. Or a short essay on all the ways you've been wronged in your life. That's the kind of thing that these people would write.

Mark:

What about Dennis Buchanan? Could he show up and write something?

Sarah:

He would have added some smiliness to it. Yeah. He's a nice guy.

Mark:

He he's he's a lawyer, but

Sarah:

he's in it. Stories to tell.

Mark:

He would definitely have some stories to tell.

Sarah:

Instead, you've got Blair who talks about farm animals instead of his grief over his wife dying.

Mark:

Okay. Blair is not ready to share with people. No. Okay? No.

Mark:

His wife has died of a terminal illness. Yeah. It it takes some time. There's no wrong way

Sarah:

to Apparently, he fills that gap by talking about sticking his arm up the back end of a cow.

Mark:

No wrong way to grieve, this might be it.

Sarah:

What I want is a I want Gina's draft and Blair's draft to get thrown in the air and mixed up so you get the, I love the smell of corpses, and my arm was in the cow. Oh.

Mark:

A minute. Wait.

Sarah:

You got your farm in my autopsy. You got your autopsy

Mark:

in my farm.

Sarah:

Yeah. But without those characters, it's just kind of like a group of people that you just kind of don't like. Yeah. And Audrey ends up dead in the waterfall. But she's got saltwater in her lungs.

Sarah:

Now she was in a flotation tank.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

The salt that's in a flotation tank really isn't salt. It's Epsom salts, which is magnesium sulfate, which is not salt.

Mark:

Yes. It's not Actually,

Sarah:

magnesium sulfate isn't salt.

Mark:

Gina would not

Sarah:

It's not sodium. Would know what it was. You can't you shouldn't eat Epsom salts. No. Do you know why they're called Epsom salts?

Sarah:

No. Because they were discovered in a little village in Surrey, England called Apsom. Oh. They are naturally occurring. They were in a spring.

Sarah:

Yes. And this farmer said, Oh, my cows don't like that spring. Why don't they drink that? That's a really bad accent. Yes.

Sarah:

Lo and behold, it's because the water from that spring had

Mark:

Full of Epsom salt.

Sarah:

Magnesium sulfate in it. Yep. Which was great to make money off of when they opened baths there. Yes. But not so good for, you know, cows to be drinking.

Mark:

I remember putting it in water for feet and stuff like that.

Sarah:

Yeah. To like soak your feet. Yeah. My experience with magnesium sulfate is in an IV. Yes.

Sarah:

To hold off premature labor. Yes. It's unpleasant. Yes. But yeah, that's why they're called Epsom salts.

Sarah:

So this flotation tank that she's in would have that in it. But though she drowns there, she's found in the waterfall, which is fresh water.

Mark:

Okay. So she is drowned in that tank

Sarah:

After drinking whiskey with oxycodone in it. Bad mix. Don't do that.

Mark:

No. She's weak, but she's not dead, which to me makes her friend sort of culpable, but not. But then she moves the body with the father.

Sarah:

Well, Dulce is the one who puts the oxycodone in the whiskey Yes. Instead of just giving her the pill if that's what she wants. Yeah. So she's kind of drugging, she is, drugging her friend in a way that could be deadly. I think if Audrey wasn't drugged, Boyd couldn't have drowned her.

Mark:

I agree.

Sarah:

So I think she's an accessory before and after the fact. Yes. But, yeah, they load her body into poor flotation tank Vinny's van and drive her down to the edge of the falls and put her in the water.

Mark:

I also don't understand. Okay.

Sarah:

Which I would have liked to have seen in the moonlight. Two old people carrying a body.

Mark:

Which

Sarah:

is kind of funny.

Mark:

Like we said, this is plotted very well. The only the big plot problem I have is Audrey who is horrible throughout this episode is like, oh no Vinny, you can't drive drunk.

Sarah:

That was the one redeeming thing she did.

Mark:

Yeah. You have to stay here.

Sarah:

And you can there's a yurt for you. You can stay there. Yeah. You don't like have to sleep in the grass or something.

Mark:

Yeah. Or use the tradesman's entrance or

Sarah:

What are they trying to say about influencers with Sienna? Because she is way over the top. She's like, maybe I don't have to pay for this because like I could write about you and put a post up and you'd sell so many books. And Audrey's like, what? Yes.

Sarah:

Like she's clearly successful as an author.

Mark:

Yes. Well, okay. And then

Sarah:

we find out that Sienna's lying about traveling the world and going all these places. Her photoshop skills are not that great.

Mark:

No. At least Sienna has a take on things. Like, she's at least trying to be like like

Sarah:

My fake travels? That's her take?

Mark:

It no. But if you're going to be an influencer, you should use your influence to try to get things. It's kind of the gig.

Sarah:

Okay. She sits at home on her butt, pretends to be traveling, and makes money from that.

Mark:

So that That's her take. That is a problem.

Sarah:

That's her take.

Mark:

And then she's try then she only posts one thing in the entire time that she's here.

Sarah:

Because she had her phone taken away. And she supposed to be writing.

Mark:

Yep. And then there's the whole thing about her Audrey saying her writing was good. Do you think Audrey actually meant it?

Sarah:

No.

Mark:

I think it she wasn't understanding sarcasm.

Sarah:

Yeah. See my impression was this is more of a photo essay than an actual essay. You didn't write much. And did you see the draft that she handed back to her? Yeah.

Sarah:

It had quite a bit of scribbling all over it

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

From Audrey. And I have read and marked up a lot of papers in my time. That many comments on the first page? Yeah. Not a good sign.

Mark:

Not a good sign. And then they go to the Brokenwood Mystery Maniacs, which is the Brokenwood Mystery Maniacs.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

They stay in the same room that everybody stays in.

Sarah:

Yep. That's the Brokenwood room.

Mark:

It's the Brokenwood.

Sarah:

Yeah. I do like when Mike calls into the into the station and Chalmers says, Kristen's making coffee. And Mike says, I'm sorry to hear that. Kristen What is she doing with the plunger?

Mark:

I don't know what she's doing with the plunger.

Sarah:

Is that what missus m told her taught her to do? Maybe. Like jiggle it around and sploo shit a little bit?

Mark:

And the influencer does an excellent job of tasting the coffee and going, that's not coffee. No.

Sarah:

Which is what everybody does. Yeah. But she she'd rather have like a smoothie or like a kombucha or something. Yes. I want to hit her when she says that.

Mark:

It was another excellent episode in which Kristen ends up with all the fish and chips at the end. Looks so good. It looks so good.

Sarah:

And you don't even like fish?

Mark:

I don't like fish, but those chips look so good.

Sarah:

I like that, though I don't understand why Kristen and Chalmers go to the Frog And Panther to get coffee. Yeah. It's not a coffee joint. You don't get coffee at a bar.

Mark:

And why did they not go to Frodo's?

Sarah:

I'm guessing because Frodo's was closed because only Frodo works at Frodo's and Frodo's was bringing beans to the bar. Yes. So he must have been closed.

Mark:

Must have been closed.

Sarah:

I don't know why they act guilty about it when he confronts him. No. When he looks all sad puppy. Aw. They'd be like, well, how can we get coffee from your place?

Sarah:

You're obviously not open. You're here. Yeah. That would have

Mark:

showed up. And they have like like they have their regulars and everything there at Frodo's.

Sarah:

Frodo roasts his own beans? You trust Frodo to roast beans?

Mark:

I'm Okay. Frodo constantly, like our children, surprises us. And I think he is a more than competent coffee cart running person.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

Because he's done it for years.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

There's usually a lot of people there even in the middle of the day and also I

Sarah:

think he's

Mark:

when he found the coffee cart because we know he had trouble.

Sarah:

He's the only coffee cart in Brokenwood. Yep. It did get stolen once. It did get stolen. By a woman who just carried it off apparently.

Mark:

I'm her back. Yeah. So I think he's probably decent at running the coffee cart in that he couldn't have been in business this long if he was failing as bad as we True. Think he So and when else is he gonna deliver the coffee beans?

Sarah:

And you know, if nothing else, his coffee is better than Kristen's. It's drinkable. People voluntarily drink it and pay for it. So Indeed. He must have something going on.

Mark:

Mike makes a map.

Sarah:

On the dry erase board.

Mark:

I really wish we got more look at this map.

Sarah:

He draws the little yurts Yep. And the path, and then he draws water. Yeah. So Water and more water? Water water?

Mark:

So there's a couple of shots of it, but there's so there's a waterfall in a natural river.

Sarah:

I dare you to try to pronounce it.

Mark:

Oh, I I've had such problems with pronunciation lately. I don't want to.

Sarah:

I'm gonna say it's Nakinawaii.

Mark:

Sounds good. I did search for it and there's no falls like that. No. So there's a shore and a place where the estate is and the yurts. Mhmm.

Mark:

Right?

Sarah:

The water is a 15 walk from the yurts. That's what the sign says.

Mark:

Yes. But Mike has covered the board from top to bottom with about a foot or more wide of little blue Waves.

Sarah:

Waves. It would have taken a while. I'm guessing, you know, if you're in New Zealand, you're never that far away from the ocean. So maybe that's the ocean? No.

Sarah:

Maybe he was just bored, so he did some doodling and just felt like drawing a little waves. I would have put some little sharks in it and sea monsters and

Mark:

It's a lot. Like, I'll put the picture in the show notes, but there are a lot of suspects on the page.

Sarah:

I just don't think his map actually helps because I don't think so. No. Where the yurts are to know who to solve the murder. No. Because it happened in the house.

Mark:

And like why didn't you fill in all that water?

Sarah:

You know sometimes you start drawing something and you realize you've misplaced it on the page and you've just got to like make do, do your best.

Mark:

There's a sign on the other side of the murder board that is the Brokenwood Local Rugby League. No. And has a big ram on the picture. Rugby's rough. And You think Chalmers plays rugby?

Sarah:

I bet he does.

Mark:

Bet he does. It's green and black. It's green lantern colors.

Sarah:

Todd could play rugby. Frodo should not play rugby.

Mark:

Todd could play. He he would.

Sarah:

Frodo would get broken.

Mark:

But Chalmers should definitely play rugby. It's kind

Sarah:

of like the mud wrestling. Yeah. Chalmers versus all of Brokenwood. They want Lloyd to be sort of tragic. Right?

Sarah:

Yes. He he wants to make up with his daughter. He's sorry for what he's done. He's writing a memoir that admits that he was wrong. He's obviously made quite the effort to find his daughter and come to this writing retreat.

Sarah:

But then he says he's sick and he wants money from Audrey and he kills Audrey. Dylis doesn't know that. She comes in and feels like, oh my gosh. I I killed her because I gave her the oxycodone and the whiskey, and she drowned. And he's perfectly happy to let her believe that and says, I'll help you with the body for half of the inheritance.

Sarah:

Like, there's no depth that you won't go to.

Mark:

He is the worst. He's the staness of this episode. On top of that, he's the writing he does is calculated to make Audrey feel bad for him and his daughter to feel bad

Sarah:

for Oh, absolutely.

Mark:

He is manipulative. He is horrific. He's a little weasel.

Sarah:

Yep. I think that doctor Carlton is probably lucky that she wasn't raised by him.

Mark:

Yes. And when he looks at Dilis and is like half. Yeah. Like, you're like, woah.

Sarah:

Wow. Bottom of the barrel, dude. Not only are you letting somebody else feel guilty for killing somebody that you killed, but now you're demanding half of the inheritance.

Mark:

I have a mystery in this episode that I need your help with, Sarah.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

When the influencer

Sarah:

Sienna.

Mark:

Publishes about Gus.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

She publishes a picture of him. Mhmm. Now Gus doesn't want people to know where he is.

Sarah:

No. Because he's lied about his fake injury Yeah. Why he's not at practice.

Mark:

Yes. And he says she says in her post which is on the generic social medias Mhmm. Mystery project with this guy.

Sarah:

Okay? Okay.

Mark:

So the idea is that some they're going to be doing something together. Uh-huh. But then there's three emojis.

Sarah:

Okay.

Mark:

Do you remember what they are? No. Book monkey star.

Sarah:

What does that mean? Okay. Well, I can explain that.

Mark:

Okay. So Okay. Book Monkey Star.

Sarah:

The book Yeah. Is writing a book.

Mark:

Yeah. They're gonna write a book.

Sarah:

Okay. I get that one. Right? I'm just going through the Okay.

Mark:

Time. Okay.

Sarah:

The monkey is Gus because he's dumb.

Mark:

But monkeys aren't dumb. That's monkey est.

Sarah:

True. Monkeys might be smarter than Gus.

Mark:

Are monkeys smarter than Gus?

Sarah:

Which is why she's put a star there because he's a swimming star. That's my best guess. Or maybe it's writing a book, sex like monkeys, swimming star. Because though they met the day before

Mark:

They don't

Sarah:

they're already in

Mark:

a room. Very much into each other.

Sarah:

They follow each other around.

Mark:

I guess.

Sarah:

They get coffee together and then she lets him stay in her hotel room in a towel.

Mark:

Yeah. He's also not that attractive.

Sarah:

And his name is Giz. He seems kind.

Mark:

So yeah. And and he's

Sarah:

got a new gig because he's gonna be the celebrity endorser for Vinny's flotation tanks.

Mark:

In this post, Boffins at Nigel and the Boffins at the cop shop have found audio in the background.

Sarah:

Now They didn't find it in the video she posted. They found it in the video that she filmed. Yes. That she edited on her computer and then posted.

Mark:

Now it has Todd and Blair. Blair arguing in And they're speaking Maori. They're speaking Maori. And Chalmers translates it that they're arguing about putting a dead body

Sarah:

Human remains into water. Into water. Yeah. Which is a no no.

Mark:

So this is what leads us into the best part of the episode, the Todd Blair. Blair.

Sarah:

Montage where they bury his wife's ashes.

Mark:

Yes. And

Sarah:

In a little ceremony

Mark:

Uncle Walter.

Sarah:

And put their foreheads together.

Mark:

It's nice. We get a return visit to uncle Walter twice and the I did notice. So at the exact point where you think you go, oh, yeah, that's uncle Walter. Didn't he have Parkinson's? He says, the Parkinson's medicine has been working.

Mark:

I was like, are you reading my mind?

Sarah:

I was really confused at the beginning of the episode when so Todd and Blair are not at the camp anymore. They're gone, and there's, like, this kind of mystery about where they are. Blair is at home, and Todd is in Blair's house, but he's kind of hiding. Yes. And Blair doesn't seem to know that he's there.

Sarah:

And you're like, what? Why why did Todd follow Blair home?

Mark:

And makes sense Then when you know the

Sarah:

you find out they're very close friends, and Blair says, Todd's welcome at my house anytime.

Mark:

And I think Blair has had some tough nights.

Sarah:

But until that point, you're like, Todd, are you being creepy? What are

Mark:

you doing? Yeah. Why is Todd there?

Sarah:

Because you don't even know that they know each other. No. But then it all comes out.

Mark:

Yes. So they're excused. The influencer and the swimmer excused. The doctor, of course, is excused. Gina is excused.

Mark:

That leaves us only with the dad.

Sarah:

Yeah. And Dilis. And Dilis. I wanna read Chalmers's essay that he wrote at school about what he did over the summer Yes. On the Death Star.

Sarah:

Because you know how little kids write. They write this that happened, and then that happened, and then and then I shot Darth Vader, and then I fought a star trooper, a stormtrooper, and then I took over the death star of the end of my summer.

Mark:

Did you ever have to write those? No. No. It's it's I I always loved the thought of writing those because I could get to write, but our teacher never gave us that assignment.

Sarah:

Because your teacher didn't care what you did over the summer. Your teacher was still thinking, why has school started already?

Mark:

I don't want to read any more of that Bell kid's writing. He can't spell his way out of a paper bag.

Sarah:

Just lies about what he did. Well, yeah, you drove a truck.

Mark:

I'm sure you Dead star.

Sarah:

Dead star storm troopers. Well

Mark:

Meanwhile, Kristen's like, I went to Mexico and got a tattoo. Yeah.

Sarah:

And you can't see it. Let's talk about the title of the episode Publisher Be Damned. Is there

Mark:

a No. No, it doesn't.

Sarah:

Like, if those are your choices, all of these people are damned. Yes. Because none of them are getting published. Audrey was, but but she dies.

Mark:

Yes. The influencer is not getting published.

Sarah:

Unless you're not publishing on Instagram or whatever.

Mark:

Yeah. Strangely enough, Gus is probably the best chance of getting published.

Sarah:

If he gets a ghostwriter.

Mark:

If he gets a ghostwriter. Now, he didn't really work hard on it. Maybe if he worked a little harder, it would be a little better.

Sarah:

Maybe if he got, like, a smart infusion or something.

Mark:

Todd, we've already went over Todd's opuses.

Sarah:

Yeah. Doctor Carlton's would be, how awful is my dad? And Lloyd's would be how awful am I?

Mark:

Do you think the doctor and Gina could come up with a decent book?

Sarah:

No. Because I don't think they could be in the same room together for five minutes.

Mark:

Yeah. They don't really like each other.

Sarah:

They'd make each other crazy. They would. Gina's memoir I would read. It would be about riding bears naked or something.

Mark:

It would be. And then I went to pathologist school. What? Yeah. And I decided New Zealand.

Sarah:

I love the smell of antiseptic.

Mark:

How did she end up in New Zealand?

Sarah:

And I love Mike. Let me tell you about Mike.

Mark:

Mike is just fantastic. And her prose at the end is a little purple but it's not horrible. No. It's certainly the best prose that got read.

Sarah:

Yeah. So that is publish or be damned. It's not my favorite episode. It's a good mystery, but it's not a good Brokenwood episode. No.

Sarah:

It doesn't have the fun of Brokenwood.

Mark:

It doesn't. I think I think that, you know, you you have your points that you spread apart apart. We've had this theory before that you have, you know, a certain number of points and you can do this well and this not so well. This again If

Sarah:

you're good at plotting, you're maybe not good at the whimsy.

Mark:

The plot is great, the whimsy is not good. Yeah.

Sarah:

You got a recommendation for this week?

Mark:

I do indeed and it is a hard to pronounce recommendation but I'm gonna tell you about it and I think you're gonna love it. So, Ardal O'Hanlon, which he freely admits is a weird name, is a comedian. You've seen him on a bunch of stuff.

Sarah:

He was the really dumb priest on Father Ted.

Mark:

Yes. And he was also in

Sarah:

How to get to heaven from Dublin. He was the hotel From Belfast. From Belfast.

Mark:

Yep. So he is a a well known British comedian. He's very funny. He's incredibly funny, but he has a new book out. It comes out in April.

Mark:

So I haven't read this book yet but just from the synopsis alone, I'm thinking our listeners will read this. So first of all, it's called A Plot to Die For Small Town Ireland Big Town Murder. Oh. And it's part of the A Blooming Murder series.

Sarah:

He has a series?

Mark:

This is the first book in So the so when I read this, you can hear his voice in the writing of this, which is impressive. So when beloved celebrity gardener, Finn O'Leary, returns home to a hometown of Aberford in in Ireland In what hometown? Aberford.

Sarah:

Aberford? Okay.

Mark:

To care for his aging mother, he is naturally roped into the Tidy Towns Committee.

Sarah:

Of course, he is.

Mark:

The Tidy Towns is a competition fanatically fought over by every town and village in the land and his best friend's sister, Aoife, a o I f e Mhmm. Is a competition she's determined to win. When everyone's favorite gardener is on board, she's sure that this year's Abbeyford will take home the prize, but Murder. Finn's not back long when the alto baritone in his mother's choir practice drops dead during the rendition of what the world needs now. With more at stake than winning Tidy Towns, Finn soon finds himself trying to solve a murder or two from one of his many qualities is that people tend to confide in him.

Mark:

With his mother, her career, and Alfie in tow, Finn sets to discover just who brought murder to Abbiford.

Sarah:

It sounds like a fun book. It sounds right up our alley.

Mark:

Sounds I'm

Sarah:

sure it'll be

Mark:

So right up our alley.

Sarah:

A mini series in no time.

Mark:

Yeah. I

Sarah:

Right along with the Thursday Murder Club. He's getting in on it.

Mark:

He basically wrote a book for a series that he should star in.

Sarah:

Yeah. Pretty much. That sounds fun.

Mark:

It does. It does. So I thought that we would enjoy

Sarah:

What's it called again?

Mark:

A plot to die for. You can preorder it now. I already preordered it because I'm like, yeah. I'm gonna wanna read that. And he's so fun.

Mark:

Like, To put comedy in writing is so hard and and I think I could learn some stuff from his book and his voice. Yeah. So

Sarah:

My recommendation is very different. It is the March. And if you live in the Northern Hemisphere, spring is coming.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And I recommend I recommend that you take a moment to look for signs of spring.

Mark:

Oh, that's a good one. Because I noticed the other day when I walked the dog, it was very foggy here the other morning and I walked the dog in the foggy fog and there were there were already

Sarah:

Like crocuses are starting to come up and

Mark:

starting to come up.

Sarah:

Tulips are starting to come up. There's little buds on the trees. Yep. It just makes me feel hopeful when I see those things. Yes.

Sarah:

Especially when it's been raining for four days. Yeah. And it seems like it's never going to stop.

Mark:

It seems to be that Bloomington is the city of extreme weather in the last six weeks. Yeah. Because it has rained four days straight.

Sarah:

Yeah. Constantly. So if you have a moment or make a moment Yes. Just look for little signs of spring because it might make you happy, make you optimistic. It's good.

Mark:

Yes. So

Sarah:

All else fails, eat some peeps. There's Easter candy

Mark:

at the grocery store.

Sarah:

You only get them one time a year.

Mark:

Yep. March 23 is when we will return with Love You To Death, which is a dentist episode with a Jules Fehee returns.

Sarah:

Jules. It's

Mark:

another murder around Jules. It's another murder of a man that she's in love with. How does she get money? It's all fantastic.

Sarah:

Nobody should wanna date Jules at this point. To date her is to die.

Mark:

No. So we'll be skipping next week because we'll be going to see Sarah's dad in Michigan who is doing much better. Thank you again for all your love and support.

Sarah:

And We'll see you in two weeks. Bye, Maniacs.

Mark:

Bye, Maniacs. Thanks for joining us on Mystery Maniacs Podcast. If you enjoyed our crazy podcast today, don't miss out on future episodes. Follow us on social media for updates, beyond the scenes content, and exclusive sneak beats. Subscribe, like, and share to spread the word.

Mark:

Bye, Maniacs. For the Midsummer Rugby League. You mean Brokenwood Rugby? Yep. Sorry.

Sarah:

Because if it says Midsummer

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

We need a shot of that. Okay. They're making references to Midsummer now in Brokenwood.

Mark:

That's our outtake.