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In this episode, Dani updates y'all on how their current habits have been going recently, and how it's affected their mindfulness.
For links & recommendations, see full episode notes.
Dani is honest and refreshing in her takes on the world and society. Listen as she explains how she’s come to understand the world through kindness, both towards ourselves and everything else.
Podcast Intro:
[0:00] Hello friends! Welcome to Understanding Kindness, a podcast hosted by me, Dani! I’m someone who approaches life by learning from everyone around me, and I’ve decided to write it all down and talk about it here with you. I’ve learned that in order to create change in this world, we need to understand ourselves and the world around us, all while infusing kindness into everything we do. If I can do it, you can do it, and we can do it together. Welcome to Understanding Kindness.
Episode Intro:
[0:30] Hey buds! I’ve got some more reflections for you today. I wanna talk about habits, specifically exercising and my meditation practice as of late and discuss how it’s been impacting my Life. Along with this, I’ll also fill you in on how my mindfulness has been affected. If you listened to the previous episode, you’ll be all filled in on what’s going on in my Life generally which will help give you some context as to why and how my habits and mindfulness have been affected. So, if ya haven’t listened yet, pause this, go take 15 minutes to listen to that real quick, and I’ll wait here to start. Alright, all ready? Let’s get into it!
Native Segment:
[1:11] Okay, for our Native segment today I’d like to highlight Autumn Harry, also known as @numu_wanderer on instagram. Autumn is a Numu and Dine Indigenous Geographer and Land and Water Defender. They use their instagram account to educate People on respectful traditions and practices for visiting their Homelands.
[1:31] I first came across Autumn Harry’s instagram though their sibling, Jolie Varela’s account, @IndigenousWomenHike, which I’ve mentioned in a previous Native segment. Jolie does similar work to help support their Community via their instagram page. They both help to educate non-Natives and non-tribal members of the cultural practices and traditions of their Peoples and on their Homelands. One of the ways that they both do this is by engaging with People who have posted pictures of themselves on Autumn’s and/or Jolie’s Homelands while partaking in disrespectful behavior.
[2:00] Both Autumn and Jolie are aware that not many People know about their Tribes’ practices and culture, so they approach their advocacy with this in mind. On Autumn’s account, they highlight some specific instances when they’ve found photos of People from their Homelands doing something inappropriate and comment on how it is disrespectful and the importance of not promoting this kind of behavior. The best part of this highlighting is that they show reactions of the Individuals.
[2:24] This is incredibly important to highlight because it’s all too common that we get defensive when someone points out something we’ve done wrong. In a comment where someone did take responsibility for their actions, they mention how they did not know about these guidelines and how they can do better in the future. Additionally, this Individual financially compensated Jolie for educating them about these practices. This is incredibly important for us to do in the so-called united states as we live in racial capitalism, and on stolen Land. The least we can do for the Natives who are educating us is to give them our money; and also listen to them.
[2:58] Autumn Harry is doing amazing educational work for her Community and Land and Water. Educating white People about how they’re being disrespectful is a difficult job, I’m sure. If it weren’t for People like them and their sibling, Jolie, it’s hard to imagine how their Homelands would be preserved and respected while colonizers continue to squat on their Territory. I’d highly recommend following both @numu_wanderer and @IndigneousWomenHike on instagram to get some education on owning up to your mistakes and how to be respectful on their specific Homelands. Don’t forget to send some money their way as well, if you’re able! I’ll link both of their accounts in the show notes.
Shout-Outs:
[3:35] YooooooOOooOoOo! It’s Patron time! Hey, hey Patrons! Thank y’all very much for your support. You know it means the world to me.
If you’d like to support the show, visit patreon for monthly donations or paypal for one-time and recurring donations. They’ll be links for both in the episode notes.
Main Topic:
[3:54] Okie dokie. Let’s get into the main topic. As you heard from the last episode, I’m in a new relationship and if you’ve been there before you’ll know how it can sometimes throw a wrench into your habits and routines. This has been the case for me. Mozel and I moved very quickly with our relationship and it was difficult to keep up with my habits while all I wanted was to be with this new Person most of the time. Early on I found myself not exercising as regularly.
[4:19] I’ve been doing physical therapy exercises for my knees for a few years now and I do them almost daily. I have chronic knee pain and find that when I neglect my PT exercises, my knees will start hurting within the same day. Because of this, I’ve created a habit really over the past year or so of doing my exercises just about every morning. This helps keep the pain at bay and helps my body feel better throughout the day generally. This habit that I’d formed and ingrained into my Life helped me out a lot during this funky, thrilling past few months that I’ve had being in a new relationship.
[4:52] I began making excuses for not doing my exercise everyday though. “I can just do them tomorrow” or “It’ll be fine, I’ll do them later”. Sometimes “later” came, sometimes it did not. Sometimes I’d do them the next day, sometimes not. For a bit, I was probably only doing them about 3 times a week, and only because I didn’t want to experience more pain than I already was from not doing the exercises in the first place. I did find that this time while I was doing my exercises was a good chunk of alone time for me, which I love. It was really nice to take that time away for myself and to help my body feel good. It was great, and it helped me recognize where I was neglecting my habits in other ways.
[5:34] Since I had tied my meditation practice to my exercise routine, when I wasn’t exercising, I wasn’t meditating either for the most part. I still use meditation to fall back on when in overwhelming or difficult situations; I just wasn’t keeping up with it daily like I had been over the past few years. So, when I stopped doing it as a preventative measure and was really only doing it to cope with whatever was going on in my day-to-day, my mood and ability to cope with things began taking a turn.
[6:01] I found myself in my head a lot. I would be thinking thinking thinking and get anxiety over situations and disagreements. I’d start spiraling and find myself trapped in my mind, unable to communicate. This was really weird for me. Usually I’m blabbing about all of my thoughts and feelings (obviously, I’ve got a podcast), but I was not able to get words to come out of my mouth. These are times when I’d turn to meditation as a coping mechanism, and it helped a lot in these situations. Even if I wasn’t able to articulate what I wanted, meditating helped get me out of my head and into the present, which pretty much eliminated my anxiety completely.
[6:40] I’m sure that the effectiveness of this coping meditation is due to my consistent and long-term practice that I had developed over the years, so that showed me how effective the meditation practice can be. It didn’t take too long for me to realize this, I mean if you consider about 2 months and a dozen or so bouts of anxiety as “not too long”. For me, considering I was in a shiny new relationship and juggling moving and meeting new People, 2 months was a pretty short period of time for me to get hip to the reality that I needed to continue with my daily meditation practice.
[7:12] And I didn’t just need to do this for myself. I saw how it was affecting my relationship and those around me. I was seeing how my anxiety was rubbing off on those closest to me and causing them anxiety and distress as well. So, yeah, I wanted to get back into my meditation practice for myself, and also for those around me. It wasn’t fair that I was neglecting this part of my health for the sole purpose of spending more time with my new partner. It wouldn’t be enjoyable, quality time with them if I was in my head and worrying about my words and actions.
[7:44] Neglecting my meditation practice was rubbing off in my daily Life. I had difficulty focusing on what or who was right in front of me. I found myself pulled out of moments or lost in thought because I was worrying worrying worrying. I really didn’t realize how helpful and effective my daily meditation practice actually was until I went without it for an extended period of time.
[8:05] I wasn’t able to really be mindful about what I was doing or saying. I wasn’t able to be mindful and intentional with the People I was with. And I’m not meaning that I felt like this all of the time. This mostly came up when in uncomfortable situations or during disagreements. I had an inability to cope in those moments and would find myself trapped in my head. See, with my anxiety, I usually just ruminate over things that have occurred and what I believe the motivations of the other Person are or what they’re thinking about or how what I’ve done or said may have affected them. They’re all assumptive conclusions that I think through and that seem perfectly logical in my mind, but very rarely are close to the truth or how anyone else actually feels.
[8:48] So I’d just get trapped in this thinking and after a while of not meditating regularly, I had forgotten how meditating helped allow me to be mindful and not trapped in my head. Luckily, I had still understood how meditating could help me when I was already in this spot. It took me a little while to realize that I could just meditate to help ground me back into the present when I was experiencing this anxiety, but I got there in the end most times. And it was not too long after I began utilizing meditation when I was in the thick of it, that I realized I needed to get back to meditating regularly as a preventative measure.
[9:23] Interesting how sometimes we really only appreciate something or someone in their absence. It wasn’t until I stopped meditating regularly that I realized how much it helps me in my day-to-day Life. It’s actually kind of difficult to explain exactly how it helps me. I’m not usually conscience of the ways in which it affects my Life. It’s usually only in retrospect that I realize how meditating has helped me be mindful throughout the day.
[9:49] So, I really started to see the difference once I realized that I needed to keep up with my habits. When I started exercising and meditating daily again, I began to see how I was able to better control my actions and words; how I was better able to handle uncomfortable situations or disagreements. Keeping up with my exercises not only helps my body, it also helps clear my mind. When I exercise I try to be intentional with my breath. Meditation actually has helped me be able to do that. It all works together to help me feel calmer and more able to focus.
Conclusion:
[10:22] If it weren’t for these habits I don’t know where I’d be right now, a it’s extremely helpful for me to remember that. Creating these habits was a challenge, and keeping them can be even more challenging sometimes. It’s lots of work to start a habit. Getting your body physically moving towards the habit is a whole thing that has a mental element to it because we’ve got to literally get our bodies moving in that direction in order for us to begin the habit, so it’s both a mental and a physical battle. One great thing about habits is that they do become easier and more automatic when we’ve established them.
[10:58] That’s the first hurtle to climb over: establishing the habit. Consistency is important here. Keeping up with a habit, whether it’s for the exact same amount of time every time or just starting on it daily, helps ingratiate it into our daily Lives. This is the foundation it’s helpful to establish to keep a habit a habit; and that will help you out during times when you stray from it.
[11:21] Once it becomes a habit, or even just when you start doing it more regularly, you’ll begin to notice feeling differently when you do stray from it. It’s motivating to recognize when you feel differently when not doing habits; at least that’s what I’ve experienced personally with my exercising and meditation habits. I feel more in-tuned with my body and mind when I do these habits, so being aware of how I feel differently is actually easier because I’ve created these specific habits.
[11:50] These are all things that are helpful to keep in mind, always. It’s helpful for me to remember that it all works together and helps each other when I’m doing well and keeping up with my habits. It’s also helpful to keep in mind that habits are challenging when I’m struggling with forming a habit, or even keeping up with it. Most things that are challenging are worth it and things that are worth it are challenging. It’s always helpful for me to keep this in mind, especially when I’m struggling.
Recommendations:
[12:18] BOOM! It’s recommendation time! I’ve got one recommendation that I didn’t mention in the actual episode, but it helped me form my habits, so I want to share it with you. That’s the book “Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones” by James Clear. I mean, pretty straight forward with this one from the title: it’s a guide to forming habits that’ll stick. If you’re struggling with creating habits, this book could help you figure out what works for you.
[12:47] In our Native segment, I highlighted @numu-wanderer, and their sibling @IndigenousWomenHike, on instagram for their methods of educating People on respectful practices and guidelines on their Homelands. To learn how to move forward when you’ve made mistakes and how to engage respectfully on Autumn’s and Jolie’s specific Homelands, follow their instagram pages. I’ll link these all up in the show notes.
Plugs:
[13:12] If you enjoyed this episode, help support the podcast! All this content is free and I’d love to make it my job one day, so if you’re financially able join our patreon or send a one-time or recurring donation through paypal! You can also share an episode with family or friends, and give UK a kind rating and review!
Check out UnderstandingKindness.com for all episodes, transcripts, and blog posts. And why not take a listen to my other podcast, Better When Awkward, co-hosted by my childhood best friend Jasmine!
Get in touch with me by emailing UnderstandingKindness@protonmail.com, or through social media. You can find all links in the episode notes.
For now, be kind, be compassionate, be understanding, and question everything. I’ll be here. Thank you for listening to this episode of Understanding Kindness.
Bloopers:
[14:00] Along with this, I’ll also fill you in on how my mindfulness has been affected…No, Charlie…Charlie!…{meow!} Well, I’m just trying to record…Come on. Get out, Charlie. Charlie. Go, go, go, go. Go, go, go…Aye, yai, yai. [End transcript]