Sermon On The Mount | Anger | Jason Ballard

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Intro/Outro: 00:01

Welcome to Garden Church Podcast. We're taking a break from our Revelation series while our lead pastor, Darren Rounce, is on sabbatical. During this time, we're gonna continue to push into the Garden's mission of creating resilient disciples by working our way through the Sermon on the Mount. Over the next few weeks, we'll have some amazing pastors from all over the world coming to impart their wisdom and insight on what is the most influential and profound sermon ever given. Enjoy.

Jason Ballard: 00:31

What a joy to be with you again. This is a rare thing for me. Like, I am usually with my church weeks in a row, but anytime I visit, it's usually a one off. Like, usually, people just want one from me. So to be here 2 weeks in a row I mean, we've had the full garden experience.

Jason Ballard: 00:48

We did all 4 services last Sunday. We are with the youth group on Thursday. We're with the school of ministry, which I loved, by the way. It's so good to be with you guys, and then visiting with staff and enjoying this neighborhood and community. It's been such a gift and really, really, really thankful to be here to continue this series on the Sermon on the Mount.

Jason Ballard: 01:07

As a church community, you're moving through the Sermon on the Mount, which is an incredible, passage of scripture. If you were to read it in one sitting, it would take you somewhere between 10 20 minutes. I'm like a 20 minute kinda guy. I'm a slow reader. Where are my slow readers at?

Jason Ballard: 01:23

There's no shame in that. And, some of you are fast. You do it in 10, maybe even 7 minutes. But we're gonna spend months. And by we, I mean, you guys.

Jason Ballard: 01:31

I'm going home in a couple of days. But spend months going through this passage of scripture, which is a collection of Jesus teaching, and we have a reliable source in Matthew's gospel of the words that Jesus spoke. And the reason why we're moving through it at such a slow pace is because the material is so rich, so meaningful, so important that we cannot rush. The Sermon on the Mount is the kind of passage of scripture that you can be visiting it for decades and still find yourself walking away with new wisdom and treasures from God to shape your life. And there's another reason why I'm excited for your community to go through the Sermon on the Mount because my home church in Vancouver, just over a year ago, we went through the Sermon on the Mount at a similar pace.

Jason Ballard: 02:21

And the effect it had on individuals in the community was profound. As a pastor, it was the most clear way I saw how God will take his word and let it grab hold of the imaginations of individuals, households, and a community, and actually change them as a result. The language of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus will talk about the wide path, which represents all these different ways of living. And then he'll say, but there's a narrow path, and that's his path, his way of being in the world. The Sermon on the Mount is a whole other way of being in the world.

Jason Ballard: 02:55

And he says, this narrow path leads to life, leads to life. A couple years ago, Raich called me into the bathroom and said, look. And I looked up, and there was watermark on the roof. Like, you know that brown sort of concentric, circle y mark that shows up on the drywall that's evidence of a leak somewhere behind the scenes? And, like, that's not a good moment.

Jason Ballard: 03:24

Like, you're just it's like, shoot. Yeah. What do we do with that? Now it wasn't one of those moments where water was pouring in from everything. It was just like there's something that has gone on behind the drywall that we don't know.

Jason Ballard: 03:37

And on a scale of, like, useless to handy, I'm a 3.5. And so, you know, in in moments like that are extra intimidating for me, how much is this gonna cost? How much damage is there? And I'm a little embarrassed to say it, but there's a real part in that's like, well, it doesn't seem to be getting worse. So maybe we just, I don't know, paint it and do you know, just like we don't have to look at the the brown watermarks.

Jason Ballard: 04:04

And I didn't wanna peel back the drywall. I didn't wanna see worse things behind there. I don't wanna do all that work. I don't wanna pay for that work. And I think that sometimes when it comes to our lives, your life and my life, we do that similar or we have a similar instinct.

Jason Ballard: 04:19

Like, it can feel too exhausting or overwhelming to begin to go beneath the surface of our lives. And so we settle for, like, exterior behavior modifications. Like, you can see a relationship or part of your life not going as it ought to. But instead of looking deep, it's kinda like, well, maybe I just need to do a tweak. And here's the thing.

Jason Ballard: 04:42

Like, for us to ignore that watermark would be irresponsible. I mean, we'd be solving a short term problem and creating a future problem for ourselves. That would be much worse. Like, it wouldn't solve anything at all. So what do you do?

Jason Ballard: 04:56

You call an expert. Some of you are an expert. I'm a 3.5. So it's like, I'm calling someone. And, he had a buddy that came over, and he'd been on the roof, actually.

Jason Ballard: 05:06

He let me come on the roof, not to help, but just to watch. And, he found that it was in the duct on the roof. And so it's all sorted, and we're thankful. But the teaching today from Jesus that we'll look at, it's going beneath the surface. It's a little unsettling and confronting, if I'm honest.

Jason Ballard: 05:25

But this is why it matters, because Jesus is an expert on the human soul, and he's an expert on all of humanity. And he teaches the way he does. Like, Jesus says the words he does and teaches the way he does on the Sermon on the Mount because he loves you. He really cares about your well-being. He cares about your soul.

Jason Ballard: 05:52

And because he loves you so much and he knows you so well, he never has never seemed interested in surface renovation. Like, we'll see in the passage today and in future weeks that it even addresses some of the messier stuff beneath the surface. But here's the very, very good news about the preacher on the mount, Jesus, is that not only does he have the wisdom and insight to point at the deeper problem, he has the power and willingness to transform the deeper problem. So let's jump into the text. We'll go to Matthew chapter 5.

Jason Ballard: 06:33

We'll read from verses 21 through to 26. Matthew chapter 5 verses 21 through to 26 says this, you have heard that it was said to people long ago, you shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment. But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, Raca, is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, you fool, will be in danger of the fire of hell.

Jason Ballard: 07:13

Therefore, if you're offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. 1st, go and be reconciled to them, then come and offer your gift. Settle matters quickly with your adversary who's taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. Truly, I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.

Jason Ballard: 07:47

I want to invite us to consider 3 things as we step deeper into Jesus' teaching on the Sermon on the Mount. 1st, I want us to consider the depth of anger. 2nd, the effects of anger. And 3rd, the possibility of healing, the possibility of healing. So first, the depth of anger.

Jason Ballard: 08:16

Six times in the Sermon on the Mount, this is the first time. So 5 more times after this text, you're gonna hear it read probably in the context of sermon or if you go and read the full of the Sermon on the Mount, you'll hear this phrasing. You've heard it said, dot dot dot, but I say to you, in the coming weeks and following passages, he'll do that with adultery and lust, with divorce, with oaths, and love for enemies. And in this particular passage, he says, you have heard it was said long ago, you shall not murder. Here, he's working with the 10 Commandments, specifically, the 6th command.

Jason Ballard: 08:57

And if you want to read that yourself, you can go to Exodus chapter 20 or Deuteronomy chapter 5, where the 10 Commandments are recorded. And so here's the scene. People are gathered around Jesus hearing his teaching, and they're listening. They He they you know, they've given him their full attention. He says, you've heard it was said long ago, you shall not murder and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.

Jason Ballard: 09:18

And they're nodding at this point. They've heard this. They understand that. They appreciate that. And as they're nodding saying, yeah, we've heard that Jesus says, but I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.

Jason Ballard: 09:35

And you see the movement. Right? He's moving from murder to anger. And as he does this, this is important, he's not dismissing or undermining the law that Moses gave or God gave through Moses to the people. Because just a few verses earlier in verse 17 in chapter 5, if you got your Bible in front of you, you can see it.

Jason Ballard: 09:55

Go up to 17. He says, this is Jesus saying, do not think that I've come to abolish the law or the prophets. I've not come to abolish them, but to fulfill them. So Jesus teaching here and the whole of His life and ministry, including His death and resurrection is fulfilling, is completing something that the law had started. So if Jesus is not changing or correcting that teaching, what's he doing?

Jason Ballard: 10:23

He's taking us deeper into it. There were many in the time of Jesus' day strict Jewish religious people who observe the law with, like, diligence, trying to obey every single aspect of not just the 10 Commandments, but the whole of the law. You know, grabbing hold of it, making sure not to misstep, and in the most literal way, keeping every part of it. But, and Jesus confronts this a number of times you'll see in the gospel, He confronts this idea that you can be diligently keeping each rule of the law in the most diligent way, but still missing the very heart of the law. Like the command, do not murder, is a bold and beautiful affirmation of the dignity and worth and value of every single human being.

Jason Ballard: 11:21

But there's no one qualified to pass a kind of judgment to take away someone's life like that. Every single person has inherent value, worth, and beauty because they're made of in the image of God. And this law is a profound affirmation of that reality. And it's possible to keep that law though. Like, it's possible for you and I and people of GSA to not murder, but still not live into the heart and intent of the command.

Jason Ballard: 11:54

So Jesus is taking, in his teaching, his listeners deeper into the heart of the command, but he's also taking the heart of the command and pressing it deeper into the hearts of the listener. Like he's moving from external behavior to internal emotion. Like, he's moving from the external act of murder to the internal world of the person where emotions like anger and contempt live. And this is going on in the whole of the Sermon on the Mount. Like, he's going, but I wanna go to the heart.

Jason Ballard: 12:32

I wanna go deeper to the heart. I wanna go to the heart. And this is why Christianity is not just about rule keeping or idea memorization. Christianity is about whole person including heart transformation. Now this is not to say that God is not concerned with our behavior.

Jason Ballard: 12:57

He loves us way too much to not be concerned with our anger. He's very concerned with that. But he doesn't wanna just change surface behaviors or actions. He wants to heal and transform you in the subterranean parts of yourself from which all of your thoughts and actions flow. Now, at this point, I think it's really important that we do a little bit of work on anger because Jesus is not making a prohibition or calling any and every form of anger sinful or anything like that.

Jason Ballard: 13:35

He's speaking about a very particular kind of anger. And he's not saying that anger, generally speaking, is always sin. You know, think about Jesus' example. We see anger in his life appropriately measured, controlled, godly, righteous anger demonstrated, for example, in the turning of the tables in the temple, seeing his father's house turned into a business exploiting those on the margins. In Ephesians, Paul will, I think, working with Jesus' teaching on the Sermon on the Mount, say, in your anger, do not sin.

Jason Ballard: 14:17

What I love about that is it presses into a very, very important piece of wisdom for all of us is that when you're angry, it's very easy to sin. Like, when we're angry, we should be on guard. So Paul says, in your anger, do not sin. But he's saying it's possible to be angry and not sin. The word here is a specific kind of anger.

Jason Ballard: 14:42

In the new testament, there's multiple different words used in the original language that are translated in English as anger. This particular word, which comes from the root wordorge and in the particular tense that it's in, is speaking to a particular kind of anger. Here's how the New Testament scholar William Barclay describes the anger Jesus is talking about. Jesus is talking about long lived anger, the anger of the person who nurses their wrath to keep it warm. This is not a moment of frustration.

Jason Ballard: 15:20

This is not an anger that comes then goes. This is an anger that remains alive in us. It grows. It calcifies. It even festers.

Jason Ballard: 15:29

This is how my friend Daryl Johnson explains it. He says, Jesus is speaking about anger that is allowed to stew. He's talking about anger that morphs into holding a grudge. He's talking about anger that soon wants to see the other, to see the one with whom we are angry somehow hurt. And this is a sneaky kinda anger.

Jason Ballard: 15:52

It's a dangerous kinda anger. It's not a holy kinda anger. It's this enduring, bitter, resentment infused anger that Jesus is addressing. Over a year ago, I was having dinner with a dear friend. He's someone I look up to, and he's a friend.

Jason Ballard: 16:15

And, we were catching up. Like, he was sharing about life. And as he was sharing about his his life, he asked me, how are how are you doing? And he intentionally asked about a very specific circumstance or set of circumstances in Rachel and I's life. And not to confuse the timelines, but something that happened well over a year before left me feeling so deeply betrayed, so deeply hurt, and so deeply angry at a person.

Jason Ballard: 16:51

And, he says he asked about it, and I guess he could hear in the way I was speaking about it that there was still unforgiveness in my heart, bitterness. Like, he could detect signs of the simmering beneath the surface anger still hiding out in the dark corners of my heart. And he looked at me and he said, brother, this will destroy you. Like, this bitterness will destroy you. And he was not being uncompassionate.

Jason Ballard: 17:31

And I didn't feel at all that he was denying the legitimate betrayal. He was actually very compassionate. It was very loving. He cares enough about me to wanna protect me from bitterness and its effects. Because here's the thing, this kinda anger that Jesus is talking about, it is corrosive on the human soul, and it affects the whole life of the host.

Jason Ballard: 17:57

Like, it can suck the joy out of your life. It casts a dark shadow on even the beautiful places. It distorts our vision. And almost worst of all, it infuses all kinds of toxins into our life, like entitlement, deadly stuff, hate, cynicism, stuff that none of you struggle with, but I I do. And Jesus is addressing this anger, and he warns us of it.

Jason Ballard: 18:29

And he calls us to a kinda action about it because this kinda anger hurts you, and it hurts relationships as well. And now we're in the realm of talking about the effects of anger. Let's go back to the text for a little bit. We'll go back to verse 22. It says this, and a bit of this is recap.

Jason Ballard: 18:47

Anyone who's angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. And then he says, anyone who says to a brother or sister, Raca, is answerable to the court. And then anyone who says, you fool, will be in danger of hell. Now this word, Raqqa, means empty headed. It's a term of contempt, and it's an attack on someone's intellect.

Jason Ballard: 19:10

The term translated as you fool, it's also an expression of contempt, but it cuts a little bit deeper because it's not just an attack on someone's intellect. It's also an attack on their character. And as the listener to Jesus' teaching then and now, we're meant to see a bit of a progression. There's almost a spiraling of severity, and we see that because the associating, like, judgment on each seems to be getting progressively worse. Like those who are angry, subject to judgment, raca, answerable to the court, you fool, danger of hell.

Jason Ballard: 19:49

So there's this, like, the severity is getting worse, and we're meant to see that these insults are getting worse and worse. And what Jesus is showing, among other things, is that though we think that this beneath the surface anger that maybe is imperceptible to self or others, though we think it might be contained, it will leak out. Like, it will find its way out in our actions and our words. This is why Paul says, in your anger, do not sin. This morning, John told me that on his way to church, he witnessed some intense road rage.

Jason Ballard: 20:27

He said it wasn't his road rage and that the the one who was waging road rage or experiencing road rage, it wasn't towards him either. He was just a witness. That's what he says. And and, here's what we all know about somebody who gets cut off and then explodes over it. This isn't about getting cut off.

Jason Ballard: 20:48

Right? Are you with me? Like, there's something else going on with that guy.

Intro/Outro: 20:52

You know

Jason Ballard: 20:52

what I mean? And it might be something that happened earlier in his home. Quite likely, it's something that happened a long, long time ago or some things, and there's just patterns, not always, but maybe anger, bitterness calcified beneath the surface so that something small triggers a disproportionate response. Now a little more close to home for you and I, maybe in your household reacting to your children or your spouse, a sharp word, a sharp look, the shrapnel of those things go off. Or at work responding to someone who is late or cut over you in a meeting or seem not to value your idea.

Jason Ballard: 21:34

And all of a sudden, what comes out disproportionate to what happened. And oftentimes, the words we speak, whether it's to our kids or spouse or coworker, whoever it might be, these words might be flowing from a reservoir of unresolved anger in our hearts. And now it's leaking out like acid on others. And, sadly, the people we end up sinning against the most are those closest to us often. And so this is why Jesus says in his text, like, deal with it.

Jason Ballard: 22:07

Don't be casual. You know, one of the main messages this morning really is just if there's that kind of simmering, nurtured, ongoing anger, resentment. Don't leave it unaddressed. The way he speaks to that's really interesting. In the text, the first few verses are easier to follow.

Jason Ballard: 22:29

But then what he does is he gives 2 quick parables. And we could spend a lot of time mining the depth of those parables. I wanna draw out one particular application from them, but there's lots more there. The first parable goes like this. He says, therefore, if you're offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.

Jason Ballard: 22:50

1st, go and be reconciled them with them, then come and offer your gift. So this is a religious metaphor, and it's looking at people within a religious community. And you have an offense with a brother or sister, and Jesus is saying, so imagine you're at the altar, and you're like, oh, yeah. I've sinned against them or there's a rift in our relationship. Leave the offering.

Jason Ballard: 23:13

Go to that person, sort that out, then come back and finish that. Like, Jesus is intentionally being like, don't wait any longer. Like, don't be casual about this. Get to work on it. The second parable is not from the religious space.

Jason Ballard: 23:28

It's from the secular space, and he tells this parable about being taken to court. And the first line that he says in verse 25 is settle matters quickly quickly. Take action. Like, notice the urgency, the significance he places on this. Settle matters quickly.

Jason Ballard: 23:53

Don't be casual about this kind of anger. And I don't think Jesus is saying hurry up and get over it. It doesn't map over the way Jesus approached people. And he's not saying and and we all know, like, you can't just get over this kind of anger. It's not a switch.

Jason Ballard: 24:14

And he's definitely not saying ignore it. It's the opposite. He's saying, let's get to work on it. And he's saying, don't let it fester. He loves you too much to leave it.

Jason Ballard: 24:24

And he wants to help you heal it. And so what do we do? What do we do? 1st, one thing we can do, and this might sound more simple than it really is, is one thing we can do is name it. Like, just the courage to name it.

Jason Ballard: 24:41

I'm angry. I'm angry at. I'm really it's really common for me to be like, oh, I just found it really annoying when, but what's actually going on is actually I feel quite angry. Because once you can name it, you might be able to identify that's like, oh, yeah. This isn't about that thing that happened.

Jason Ballard: 24:59

There's something deeper. If we just keep calling it being annoyed at a coworker or annoyed, you might miss the opportunity to be honest with self and then honest before God. So first is to name it. I'm angry. I'm bitter.

Jason Ballard: 25:10

And this can be hard also because, generally speaking, we're not very good at looking into our interior world and seeing what is there. And we live in a climate that's so fast paced. There's so much activity that it's really easy for us even this morning to acknowledge theoretically. Of course, there's some anger and bitterness in my heart, but to not have the toolkit or intentionality to actually mind the the depth and and name it for where it actually is, to notice it, to name it. So one thing you can do is name it, and nothing you can do is pray it.

Jason Ballard: 25:45

You can pray it. And here's what I mean. Like, I'm not talking about receiving prayer about it, though I think you should do that. This morning, I hope lots of people receive prayer about strained relationships, about anger. Maybe you've experienced anger of others in your own life.

Jason Ballard: 25:58

You can receive prayer, and that's important. But I'm actually talking about something slightly different, praying your anger. Like, we can learn to pray and the real words and feelings and emotions happening in our heart to a kind and loving God. And the reason why we know we can do this is because of the Psalms. So the Psalms is a a large book in the Old Testament, the middle of the Old Testament, and there's over a 100, songs and poems that are prayers.

Jason Ballard: 26:28

It's the prayer book of the people of God all throughout the centuries. It's a prayer book, and the Psalms give vocabulary to the people of God through the centuries on prayer. And there are some days I I've, taken on the practice from the recommendation of mentors and friends of a daily time in the Psalms. And not just to read 1 Psalm a day, but to try to read, reflect, and pray a Psalm each day. And some days, I'm like, wow, This is amazing, just what I'm experiencing the Psalm is giving language to.

Jason Ballard: 27:01

And then there's other days where I'm like, whatever David was going through is very different to what I'm going through. And sometimes, it's borderline uncomfortable. I'm like, I don't know if I can pray this stuff because David has such real enemies going after his life. The things that he says to God Like, he says stuff like, God, you've given up on me. He said, hold up.

Jason Ballard: 27:21

Is that true? Well, no, no. Sunday school answers like, that's that's not true. God never gives up. But we can pray that?

Jason Ballard: 27:29

He prays about hate against his enemies, anger, wanting things to happen to them that a good Christian should not want to have happened to anyone. If it wasn't in there, I wouldn't know I could pray it. And so in particular about the journey I described earlier that I've been on, one of the things I've been trying to do is, and it's really helped, is just be honest with God. Like, God, if I'm honest, I'm really angry. And it's like, I'm almost uncomfortable saying this aloud, but, like, god, I hate this person.

Jason Ballard: 28:08

And you know what's crazy? I might feel some shame in front of you. I don't feel any shame in front of God. He knows my heart. And, when you pray your anger to God in a posture of humility before the living God, it creates space for him to meet us and begin to heal and transform us.

Jason Ballard: 28:37

Like, you can bear your let downs before God, the things you thought he was gonna do but didn't, the way others have hurt you, and you can bring them before God. And it creates space for him to meet us and transform us, and it it's not usually instant. It's a slow journey, but he begins to heal it over time. Like, it's like every time we go to God in humble prayer in this area, a bit of the poison of bitterness is removed. A little bit of the poison.

Jason Ballard: 29:11

And when we approach God in honest prayer, we're also saying and this is the posture. We're saying, god, I'm handing over judgment to you. I'm in the judgment seat, and I don't even know how to get off of it. But I wanna hand over the judgment to you. And I'm inviting your spirit to minister to me, and I need you to help me see in a way that I'm not currently seeing.

Jason Ballard: 29:38

And I have found that even naming it and praying it is something I need help with from others. And so part of the journey is sharing it with others. Not a ton of others, but 1 or 2 mature, godly others. Like, I've I need help. I needed somebody across the table for me just to say, this is gonna hurt you, man.

Jason Ballard: 30:05

Like, don't stop bringing this to God. Don't stop. And to process it with a loving friend and sometimes that's just a mature peer. It could be a counselor. It could be a pastor.

Jason Ballard: 30:16

I mean, it's part of it. It's naming it, praying it, sharing it with someone else. And at some point in the journey, this step might be a move towards the other, towards a reconciling relationship or reconciled relationship. Number of years ago, I was at a men's retreat, and, me and some friends were hosting it for the church that, you know, came from before we planted the way. And I knew enough about 2 guys' stories that over a couple years, a rift in their relationship happened.

Jason Ballard: 30:55

And I don't know if either of them remembers the first thing, but they're the the amount of things were stacking, and the distance was growing, and there was no effort or probably imagination for restored friendship. And after some preaching and some worship, we the environment was a lot like the environment after the end of the services here where as music plays, some people are receiving prayer. The space is open for people to connect with God. Some people are reflecting. Some people are chatting.

Jason Ballard: 31:26

Some people are praying. Some people are singing. And I was at the front, sitting on this a low stage like this, and I saw out of the corner of my eye, one of the guys step up, walk across the room, and approach his old friend. And I remember watching him get really low and coming as his friend was seated, and I couldn't hear what they're saying, but I watched as as best I understand, he appealed to him and says, I I, I I don't I want I want a friendship. And, I watched as there was tears and then an embrace and then prayer together.

Jason Ballard: 32:10

And when you see that happen, it's like we go on these this boat between Vancouver and Vancouver Island. And once every, like, 1,000 trips, you see an orca

Intro/Outro: 32:20

whale.

Jason Ballard: 32:22

And it feels like a miracle, and it kinda is. And when you see brothers and sisters in the church, in families reconcile, it's a sign and a wonder. It's rare, and it is a stunner. And I think one of the main things I'm supposed to say this morning is that it's possible. Like, healing from deep anger is possible, and reconciliation, possible.

Jason Ballard: 33:05

I think it's like praying for the sick. Not everyone's always healed. Reconciliation, there's 2 p like, there's just but Christians keep praying for the sick because they've caught a glimpse of a future kingdom that's in breaking into the now. And Christians hold out ground for the possibility of reconciliation and then even take steps towards it, not knowing the outcome. It's possible.

Jason Ballard: 33:39

In the kingdom of Jesus, miracles happen. Blind eyes are opened. Joy and hope in the midst of tremendous loss is possible. Freedom from addiction, decades long addiction, it's possible in the kingdom of Jesus, and so is reconciliation, and so is healing from deep, deep anger. It's not simple.

Jason Ballard: 34:07

It's not always instant, but it's possible. I wanna tell you a story as we come towards the end, a true story. I've met this man. His name is Shane Taylor. We can throw his image on the screen.

Jason Ballard: 34:20

I met Shane, at an Alpha conference in London. Alpha is a resource that I know the gardens used and many churches use to create a space usually around a meal or some food for people to hear more about the base Christian faith and then discuss it openly. And it's being used in all sorts of cool context from high schools to cafes to homes, churches, prisons, all those different ways. And I met Shane because he works for Alpha in prisons. And, I got to hear his story.

Jason Ballard: 34:52

And if you'd like to hear his whole story from his whole his own mouth, if you just Google Shane Taylor Alpha, there's a TEDx he did in a prison that's about 15 minutes long, and I highly recommend it. But let me tell you a bit of his story. I'll do the best I can. At one point in Shane's life, he was on the list of the most dangerous men in the UK prison system. So he was notorious in the UK prison system, in segregation fed through a latch in the door at one point.

Jason Ballard: 35:28

Though he was in a prison with murderers and terrorists, he was segregated from them because he was so violent. His life of crime and violence started when he was really young. He described how as a kid he was picked on and bullied. He never felt that he belonged. So somewhere along the line, he just resolved that he would be a bigger bully.

Jason Ballard: 35:48

And so fueled by this hurt and looking for a place to belong, he got caught up in absolutely the wrong kind of crowd, and then a fully immersed his life in crime. And then over time, it wasn't just crime like robbery robbery. It became crime and, and and violence as well. So much anger, so much rage, violence. And he ultimately ended up in prison because of the violence.

Jason Ballard: 36:14

And forgive for some of this is a bit more gruesome. I'll be I'll try my best not to I'm not trying to be overindulgent for its own sake. But he tried to kill someone, and wasn't quite successful, but it was bad enough that that got him to prison for a long time. And then all of his rage and anger towards others just got channeled towards, like, prison guards in the system and the authority. And, he so hated the prison guards, and he caused all kinds of trouble.

Jason Ballard: 36:42

And one time, he set up a scenario that enabled him to have a glass bottle that he broke and stabbed 2 prison guards. And that's what put him in segregation and all this massive precaution was around him. So in this process, he was transferred to a new prison. In this new prison, he meets another inmate who's a Christian, and this guy starts telling him about Jesus. Shane will

Intro/Outro: 37:06

explains that he wanted nothing to do with this guy.

Jason Ballard: 37:06

He thought he was a total idiot. Explains that he wanted nothing to do with this guy. He thought he was a total idiot. You know? But he does remember one thing this guy said to him that stuck with him.

Jason Ballard: 37:19

He's this guy said, I've been in prison for years years, and I'm never getting out again, but I'm free. And so through a series of events, Shane ends up attending Alpha in prison, not because he wants to, but because of some really random series of events that he ends up at alpha, and they're serving, like, biscuits and food. So he's like, well, I'll keep going because he liked the dessert and coffee they served. And he'll explain that every week he went, he just argued. And then at one time after the alpha day, he talked about receiving prayer and doing nothing.

Jason Ballard: 37:55

But the chaplain said, hey. Can we meet up to pray? And for one reason or another, Shane said yes. And now this is Shane's words. I'll read his words.

Jason Ballard: 38:03

This is what Shane said, the pastor. I remember he came to me, and he said, right. I'm gonna say a few scriptures first before we pray. And one of them was no one's righteous, not one. We all fall short of the glory of God.

Jason Ballard: 38:19

And then he said the verses about Jesus and explained a bit why he died on the cross for sinners and stuff. And then he said, pray. So I started praying, and I said, god, if you're real, come into my life because I hate who I've become. And as we prayed, I felt an energy in my stomach and then in my chest and all through my body, and I uncontrollably sobbed and sobbed. And the first thing I said to the pastor was, don't you dare tell anyone I was crying.

Jason Ballard: 38:49

He says that moment totally changed his life. He describes a moment, I don't know if it was the same day or multiple days later, where he saw a prison officer. And prison officer used to him being pretty so he he kind of bobs towards these prison officers, and they kind of, like, go into defensive mode. And Shane says, it's real, to which the prison officer says, what's real? Shane's response, Jesus Christ is real.

Jason Ballard: 39:11

So Shane went from being one of the most dangerous men in the prison system to being released a year and a half later. Within a year of being released from prison, he was invited to come back to the prison where he has had assaulted the officers, and he met the prison officer who he stabbed. And Shane describes this moment. He said, I held out my hand and said to the officer, will you forgive me? And he held out his hand and grabbed mine and said, I forgive you.

Jason Ballard: 39:45

It's possible. It's a sign. It's a wonder. It's like seeing a whale, but it's possible. I think it's more possible than we even know.

Jason Ballard: 39:59

And more often or not, this miracle doesn't take place in a short amount of time. It's a slow process. Like, I've experienced this miracle in my life and the lives of people I love and know playing out over months or even years. James Houston says that spiritual formation is the slowest of human movements. And often the journey of dealing with the deep stuff in our lives, the deep fears, the deep wounds, the deep anger, stuff that God's very interested in.

Jason Ballard: 40:30

It can feel like a slow work of transformation. But God's so, so faithful. He's very patient with us. He's patiently pressing his love deeper and deeper, taking his healing deeper and deeper into our hearts. And we can't dictate the pace, but what we can do is we can keep bringing our hearts before God.

Jason Ballard: 40:54

And as we do, every time we come before him, in worship, in community, in private moments of prayer, every time we say yes to his way and no to the ways this world, every time we say yes to the narrow path that leads to life, every time we bring before ourselves before him with our honest heart, he is surely making us more like Jesus. In just a moment, John's gonna lead us in prayer response. And we've just been talking all morning as we've been praying and talking, like, there's just so many ways to respond. And, and so I just would encourage you, to take a step, and the lord might be pressing on one particular thing, and John will lead us in a moment. I just wanted to offer one more way to respond, and it's what's really helped me.

Jason Ballard: 41:44

And it's been in light of where there's anger or even a person that I'm angry at, looking with them in my periphery or in my just in the midst of my focus towards Jesus on the cross and just seeing my sin on his shoulders and their sin on his shoulders, like seeing the cross and remembering his great love for us that brought him there, his great love for you, great love for others. And, like, when you see that and you take it in, it doesn't work on your heart. You know? Like, his great love gives us power to forgive others. It also gives us power to receive forgiveness from others because his great grace, it kills our entitlement and pride, which is at the heart of all of this.

Jason Ballard: 42:47

And when we see the great length that Jesus was willing to go to reconcile me and you and them to his father, it opens up in our hearts the possibility of reconciliation. So, god, we're so, so thankful for your presence amongst us. We're so, so thankful for your great love. And, god, we thank you for that you love us so much. You you seek to heal us in the deepest parts.

Jason Ballard: 43:20

And so spirit of the living God, I pray that in these moments of response and into the weeks months, I pray that you would make us more like you. Take out the poison, fill us with your love In Jesus' name.

Intro/Outro: 43:42

Thank you for listening. For more information, please visit us at garden.church.