How Emotional Intelligence Can Transform Your Leadership (Part 3)

Show Notes

In this episode, Ralph Owens and Terry Baylor explore the transformative power of emotional intelligence in leadership, focusing on the importance of empathy. They discuss the differences between cognitive and emotional empathy, the significance of active listening, and the role of mindfulness in developing empathy. The conversation also covers how empathy can strengthen relationships and improve conflict resolution through effective communication strategies.

Key Takeaways

• Empathy is about understanding the other person's perspective.
• Cognitive empathy involves mentally placing yourself in someone else's shoes.
• Emotional empathy requires drawing from personal experiences.
• Active listening is crucial for developing empathy.
• Mindfulness helps in emotional regulation and connection.
• Building strong relationships is essential for effective leadership.
• Conflict resolution starts with acknowledging relationships over issues.
• Empathy can be shown by both leaders and team members.
• Finding common ground fosters better communication.
• Understanding feelings is key to moving forward together.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Empathy in Leadership

02:56 Cognitive vs. Emotional Empathy

05:53 Developing Empathy Through Active Listening

08:56 Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation

11:52 Building Strong Relationships with Empathy

15:05 Conflict Resolution and Communication Strategies

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I don't think there's a there
could be said enough about your

ability to listen right when you
really actively listen.

And to to your point, Terry,
you're not just waiting for

your, your, your moment to
respond, right?

When you actively listen, you
could ask very thoughtful

questions to acknowledge the
person that you're listening to.

And I think that's a basic need
that we all have is to be heard,

you know?
So when you take the time to

actively listening, you actually
satisfying a deep need that the

other person has across the
table from you, right?

So that helps to foster a even
deeper connection just by being

able to take the time to really
listen to what a person has to

say, see in their perspective.
To Leadership Sovereignty, the

podcast, I'm your host Terry
Baylor, along with Ralph Owens

on this third installment of
emotional intelligence, will dev

into empathy and how to build
stronger relationships.

Enjoy the show.
Hello and welcome to another

episode of Leadership
Sovereignty.

Terry, how you feeling this
morning?

Man, excited to be here with
everyone.

Thank you guys for the feedback
and hope you're getting

something that's helping.
Awesome, awesome.

Well, let's let's jump right
into it.

So we're in episode 3 of our
series on how emotional

intelligence can transform your
leadership.

So today we're going to talk
about building empathy and

connection.
So what, what is empathy?

What, what, what, what, what
comes to mind for you when you

hear that?
Terry?

What is empathy?
Basically, man, it's, it's

really kind of not just focusing
on yourself, right?

Seeing it from the other
person's perspective, even at

times feeling it from the other
person's perspective and really

drawing maybe from a life
experience that will help

connect the why.
I think that's really the, the

main thrust of empathy, right?
Understanding the why and moving

forward in a way that's
productive for both.

Yeah, yeah, I, I agree.
I agree.

It is really about the other
person and understanding them

better, right.
You know, so, so that you both

can move forward together.
So let's jump into it then.

Cognitive empathy versus
emotional empathy, right.

I think, I think you had read a
pretty good definition on that,

Terry.
You know, can you touch on that

a little bit?
Yeah, really, you know,

cognitive is really, you know,
cognitive is exactly what it

says, right?
Mentally putting yourself in

that person's place, right,
Trying to understand, right, the

logic, right?
That's, that's really, you know,

what that deals with.
And then in terms of, you know,

the emotional empathy, you know,
I believe we have a opportunity

to do that.
And I would say the easiest way

for us to do that is to draw
back on a previous emotion that

we had, right?
That was something rough.

We, we talked about this
morning.

And you know, how do we touch on
that in a way?

Because the emotional empathy
part can be pretty heavy, I'll

say, depending on what the
emotional issue is, right?

So just be, I'm be really candid
here.

Some things I don't want to
experience emotionally, right?

Because I'm not equipped to, you
know, facilitate that.

And I'll just give a quick
story, right.

In a previous life, you know, I
would deal with youth and there

were certain stories that I had
to deal with that were quite

heavy.
And when those things went

beyond my training, then I would
bring someone else into that

situation.
And, and that happened, you

know, you know, plenty of times
as you as you deal with youth

and, and then ultimately it
turns into, excuse me, it turns

into a lot of times a family,
you know, discussion.

And I had to bring someone in
because emotionally I wasn't at

a place where I could, I could
facilitate that.

So anyway, just want to kind of
lay that groundwork.

But if you have a life
experience that you can tie to,

I think that's very helpful.
And in the emotional space, what

do you think?
Now that you spot on, I mean,

that's helped me many, many,
many times it just in life in

general, right?
Just being able to take a step

back and say, OK, what are they
feeling, right?

You know, in my mind, let me put
myself in your shoes.

And instead of it being you
against me across the table, let

me come around to the other side
of the table and get on your

side and try to understand, you
know, mentally why you feel the

way that you do.
And then to your point, you

know, once you tap into that,
you know, can you dig deep

enough to find or remember a
situation in which you felt the

same way, right?
You know, because by connecting

with that, you can connect with
that person better, right,

instead of, you know, only
looking at your own perspective

on right.
And you know that, and that kind

of goes to the benefits of
empathy and relationships.

You just get better connection,
man.

You connect with people so much
better when you understand where

they're coming from and what's
driving them so that you don't

have to be in opposition, you
know, with each other.

I think that is the, the, the
main benefit overall of, of

empathy.
I mean, what, what do you think

about that here?
Yeah, here's the thing, right?

When you're not on an island,
right?

Because the person you're
talking to could feel on an

island, right?
But if you guys are on that

island together now, you know,
we've heard it said many times,

2 heads are better than one,
right?

So, you know, Ralph, I was
speaking with someone this week

and they were, you know, dealing
with some challenges.

And I said, you know what, I'm
going to share something with

you that one of my best friends,
we've been in a lot of scenarios

together.
And when we're in these

scenarios where we have to
figure out, find a resolution,

we start with one premise.
And that premise is there is an

answer.
There is an answer yes when.

You can agree on that.
If you can get someone to agree

that there is an answer, I
believe that's a great bridge to

empathy, right?
I believe that's a great bris.

You know, I haven't had haven't
necessarily used it in that form

or in that in that scenario,
right?

Typically we've used it when
we're troubleshooting, right?

And some we just don't know what
in the world is going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Say there is an answer, and

here's the thing that that does.
When you come to that agreement

within yourself and then you
come into that agreement with

the person you're working with,
that automatically builds a

connection and a common path
forward that you guys are

agreeing that the end is going
to be an outcome that's

favorable.
That's right.

That's right.
Absolutely, absolutely,

absolutely.
So so how do you develop

empathy?
One of the ways you do that is

through active listening and
perspective taking, right?

Being willing to not be the one
that's talking and be the one

that's listening.
I heard somebody say, and I, I

believe it's my wife who was
previous educator for 25 years.

She would say that the person
who's talking the most is

learning the least, right?
It's the person who is listening

the most who's learning the
most, right?

So to develop empathy, sometimes
the first thing you have to do

is be willing to not be the one
talk and to be the one listening

and, and, and asking questions
so that you can get a better

perspective on exactly where the
other person is.

Because again, once you
understand their perspective,

then you can kind of understand
why they're doing what they're

doing, which, which builds that
connection.

But but what what comes to to to
mind for you Terry when you we

talk about how to develop
empathy?

Man, I, I love that saying,
right?

The person who's listening as
learning, wow, that is a pretty

amazing concept.
And if you know, I remember

being at A at an event and I was
speaking with a gentleman.

It was a technology event and
for the first time, man, I had

actually saw listening as an
action.

This guy was listening so intent
to what I was saying and so

engaged.
I thought to myself, I need to

start practicing listening, like
really being engaged.

And you know, from that moment
forth, that was one of the, you

know, personal growth areas that
I even today I continue to work

on, right?
I want to actively listen,

meaning that I'm not listening
to give a response.

I'm not listening to, you know,
I'm not listening, dissecting

what you're saying, right,
right.

I'm, I'm listening to absorb,
right, to, to take it in.

And, and I believe it's a, it's
a skill that you have to

practice.
And so it's not just how he was

listening, but it, it was what
he said after, you know, I, I

finished speaking because it
was, it wasn't a response,

right?
But it was really an

acknowledgement, I guess is the
is the best way I could say it.

And yeah, that it was a
conversation that changed my

life because of how intently he
was listening.

It was, it was a, you know,
pretty impactful moment for me

in life.
That's actually that's, that's a

fantastic point.
I don't think there's a, there

could be said enough about your
ability to listen, right?

When you really actively listen
and to, to your point, Terry,

you're not just waiting for
your, your, your moment to

respond, right?
When you actively listen, you

could ask very thoughtful
questions to acknowledge the

person that you're listening to.
And I think that's a basic need

that we all have is to be heard,
right?

You know, So when you take the
time to actively listening, you

actually satisfying a deep need
that the other person has across

the table from you, right?
So that helps to foster a even

deeper connection just by being
able to take the time to really

listen to what a person has to
say, see in their perspective,

right?
And moving forward from there.

Another way to develop empathy
is just having practicing

mindfulness and meditation for
emotional regulation, right?

You know, going into situations
already prepared with your mind

already in a certain state can
help you, you know, be more

empathetic into to make a deeper
connection.

But Terry, what comes to mind
for you for that?

Yeah, I, I agree, right.
Being balanced yourself, right.

You know, we've all been in
situations where you got to go

in the next day, right?
And there's carryover or you

have something going on in your
in your personal life, right?

And so at the end of the day, we
all have an emotional bucket.

And how are we managing that
bucket, right?

Is it near the brim, right?
How, how do you get to a place

of self regulation in your
emotions, right?

And it's been, it's been, it's
been.

And I remember listening to an
NPR episode a few years back,

and they were talking about the
power of prayer.

And in this scenario, they were,
you know, they went through all

different, you know, there
wasn't any particular religion

that they were focusing and on,
but they went through and talked

to many of the people who were
in disciplines where meditation

or prayer was highly utilized.
And it was, you know, basically

the study said that man, though
those persons were able to

really navigate life and, and
keep things, you know, in

perspective, right, Because they
were able to, you know, look

inner inside, right, and, and
kind of, you know, see where

they were.
And then also too, they were

relying on a, you know, there
was a spiritual element to their

lives, right?
And Ralph, we've talked about

this, right?
There are four elements that we

have to manage in order to
behold, right?

There's physical, emotional,
relational and spiritual, right?

You know, we are spirit beings.
You know, I know there's, you

know, again, there, there could
be some different, you know,

beliefs out there around that,
but we are designed to want to

connect.
And that part of us that wants

to connect is that is that soul
spirit area of, of who we are.

And if we're doing things to
help manage that area, right,

Meditation, you know, going out
on a walk and just being quiet

and still, right?
And just, you know, being, you

know, taking deep breaths,
right, taking a moment to, you

know, not take in right, with
all the things that we have at

our disposal, right, all the
media, all the, you know,

connectedness from a digital
standpoint, right?

So that's, that's kind of what
comes to mind for me.

That's.
Great.

That's great.
That's great.

And then the, the, the, the last
point is building strong

relationships, you know, with
empathy.

So we can use emotional
intelligence to also build our

interpersonal skills, right?
Because once you become more

aware of your emotions and
you're building empathy with the

other person, you're going to by
default build a stronger

connection and have better
interpersonal relationships,

right?
With people.

I think another one is conflict
resolution and communication

strategies, right?
You know, I remember reading a

book on conflict resolution
years ago and it talks about

when you have a conflict and you
want to deal with, there's a

couple things you want to do.
You first want to acknowledge

the relationship that you have
with the other person.

That's empathy, right?
You start off with who you are

and what you mean to me.
I'm going to put aside what our

what our conflict is 1st and I'm
just going to acknowledge the

relationship and that that
relationship is more important

than this situation, right?
And then I'm going to sit back

and I'm going to listen to your
side.

Everything we just talked about.
Have empathy, right?

And try to see from your
perspective what I'm not seeing.

And then I'm going to find a
place of agreement so that we

can move forward together.
Right.

You know, all of this is tied
into empathy and emotional

intelligence.
And it could be a very, very

good tool for a conflict
resolution.

Any any thoughts on that too?
Yeah, Rafael, I love the the the

point that you brought out about
this relationships means more to

me than the actual issue.
And, you know, I believe that is

something that could be better
communicated or more often

communicated.
You know, I don't believe

outside of my personal
relationships, I don't believe

I've really ever heard that
communicated, right.

Can you imagine what that would
sound like or feel like or what

kind of productivity that would
bring if in the workplace, a

leader?
Well, you know, provided that

kind of feedback, look, First
off, the value that you have to

this organization is more
important than the scenario that

we're having to talk through
today.

Yeah, right.
I've, I've used it.

I used it multiple times.
I'm sorry.

Go ahead.
No, go ahead.

No, no, no.
Go ahead, please.

I've used it multiple times in,
in, in, in my career in that,

you know, sometimes when you
have a conflict, you, you, you

lose sight of the fact that you
both want the same thing, right?

You know, so, so let's establish
that we both want the same thing

for the organization.
We want things to move forward

and our customers to be happy.
There's a very powerful thing.

And this goes back to your point
area of establishing agreement,

because when you establish
agreement, you got to put some

of your Shields down, right, in
order to hold hands, right?

When you establish agreement,
you know, you make progress in

the right direction.
But as long as there is only

conflict and there is no
agreement, right?

So you got to find somewhere
where you can agree.

And we both agree that we're
trying to go in the in the same

direction, right?
You know, So let's establish

that we both have the same
interest in mind.

Now let me step take the step
back and listen to you so I can

understand your perspective,
right?

I heard this guy say this, He
was talking about marriage and

and marriage issues, but I think
it still applies.

And I love this, this, this,
this saying, he said.

He said sometimes one of you
have to have enough grace up for

the both of you.
Yes, I know who you're talking

about.
Oh, Jimmy.

I mean, just, oh man, you know,
and, and what are you saying is

you can both be at war with each
other, but one of you has to

have enough emotional
intelligence to have enough

grace for the both of you to
move you forward.

Because at the end of the day,
you both want to move forward,

right?
So it's, it's important.

And then you know that last
thing is that assertive

communication and avoiding
passive aggressive behavior,

right?
Once I think once you, once you

truly have empathy with
emotional intelligence and you

understand the other person's
point of view, right?

You've, you've connected with
the emotional feeling that

they're feeling.
You can have good, precise

assertive communication.
What I mean by that is we all

know what it's like to be
passive aggressive.

I ain't saying nothing to them.
I'm not going to do what I would

normally do.
But you don't have to do that

because now you understand how
they feel and you can have

assertive communication that
actually talks to the issue,

right, in order to be able to
resolve the conflict in the

movie forward.
But I mean, any thoughts on that

too?
Yeah, I mean, you know, as they

say, man, you gotta get out of
your feelings.

Yeah, but here's the.
Deal right?

That is a, that is not a small,
it's not a small task, right?

And you know when you when you
do come to a place of agreement,

right, Ralph?
This is another thing that we

would say it's hard to argue
with somebody disagreeing with

you.
Oh, absolutely.

That's a good one, you know.
It is hard to argue with

someone.
So let's say that the person on

the other side of the table is
not there yet, right?

And Ralph, we've talked about
this technique.

Well, you know what, let's give
a concession, right?

Because in any scenario, right,
I would say that there's,

there's always some give and
take, right?

There's something that I could
have done differently.

There's something the other
person could have done

differently that has impacted
the situation.

So find an area where you can
say, you know what, I agree with

you there.
I agree with you.

I, I believe there is some room
for improvement there or I

believe that there can have been
a different outcome as a result,

right?
Find that place of agreement and

start building from there.
Because here's the deal.

Sometimes you're going to have
to manage up to get to that

place because the man, the
person leading you may not have

the emotional intelligence that
you have, right?

They're not listening to
leadership sovereignty, right?

Not that we are the be all end
all, our whole goal.

Is to give you a reference point
and then you take it from there,

right?
We just want to see the idea,

right?
We, you know, Ralph and I are

huge fans of Inception.
You're going to be like, where

did I get that idea?
Where did that come from?

Yeah.
Yeah, Yeah, yeah, we.

Just want to plant the idea,
man, and then let you see where

it lands, you know, in your life
and and you, you're the one who,

you know, who's measuring,
right, who has a measuring stick

to say, hey, yeah, there's some
room for me there, so.

I, I think another point too, I
just want to add is that in that

conflict resolution, just like
you said, Terry, you know,

acknowledge the pieces that you,
that you can agree on that you

could have did better, but you
also have to acknowledge the way

that they feel, right?
I understand why you feel that.

Way that's good.
I could see why you feel that

way based on what I did.
Yeah.

Empathy, Right?
I'm on the other side of the

table now.
I'm sitting next.

I'm not sitting across from you.
Yes.

They, you know, validate their
feelings, right?

Because they feel it a certain
way.

Because something happened that
also builds a stronger

connection and helps to come
together in Unity so that you

can move forward.
But.

Yeah, yeah, Ralph, I think, I
think that's a great point.

That's a great point.
And I just want to add this last

little piece to it, right.
A lot of times when we're

thinking about showing empathy,
we're thinking about the person

who is the leader, right?
The person who has on sort on,

you know, so to speak, the upper
hand empathy can be shown

whether you're the leader or
whether you're the person being

LED right in order to get to
that place of agreement.

So Ralph, I think that's a
great, that's an excellent

point.
Awesome.

Awesome, awesome, awesome.
This has been a great show.

We're looking forward to the
next show next week.

So hope that you tune in then
and then till then, have a great

week and we'll talk to you next
time.

God bless.
Thank you for listening to the

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