Adhere

Fish Fridays have never been the same. Not since the Cod Piece Murderer began ravaging the city. Each victim with a fish finger wedged in one of their orifices. Sickening. With another body hitting the floor, Dick turns to an old friend, Adhere, for some help in these fishy murders. Will the Irishman have some answers, or just more questions to add to the count? Only time could tell, and she was a fickle thing who flaunted her talents over dying grandmothers and high school students taking exams. She could make a minute feel like eternity and eternity feel like nothing at all.

What is Dick Clever?

It's a classic tale. A lone detective, a dark town, and a victim with a cod piece stuck in their ear. It's the sort of murder that could turn one to drink, to shun society and start a jazz band in his mother's basement. But not Dick. A man who's not quite Poirot, Sherlock, or Jake Peralta, but a man whose very much...well, Dick. Accompanied by a pallet of colourful characters, sharp tongues, wit and humour, we follow Dick and co on a bizarre journey to find truth, justice, and just how long a telephone cord really is.

(Dick Clever, Episode Three, Adhere)

THEME / JAZZ HORN UNDERNEATH

DICK: Fish Friday’s never been the same. Not since the Cod Piece Murderer
began ravaging the city. Each victim with a fish finger wedged in one
of their orifices. Sickening. Those golden crumbed goods used as
weapons as calling cards…their crisp outside, their fleshy inside…mmm…yes…
sickening….scarily salivating at the thought of dinner I went to see the
Doc about the latest victim found in an alley just off sixth and seven-eighths streets.

SLIDING DOORS.

DOC: Dick.

DICK: Doc. What can you tell me?

DOC: It's the same person. The modus operandi is the same.

DICK: I met a girl with a modus operandi and it scared the…

DOC: No, Dick…

DICK: That, Doc, was the problem.

DOC: No. Stop and listen. Dick, the methodology was the same. The
victim had a fish finger inserted here.

MENACING CHORD.

DICK: In her left ear, eh?

DOC: Yes, at first I thought it was a herring aid.

PIN DROPPING.

DICK: Don't ever do that again.

DOC: Sorry Dick, it was irresistible. What do you make of the new Captain Hickory?

DICK: Sounds like he has ears everywhere.

DOC: And eyes. He told me that he didn't like our relationship and that he
would review my position if it persisted.

DICK: Eh, don't be too worried.

DOC: Really?

DICK: I think it is Hickory Trickery Doc.

PIN DROPPING.

DOC: Don't ever do that again.

DICK: Can't guarantee it, Doc.

DOC: Anyway, whilst you are here, how about a nice cup of coffee?

DICK: Sounds great. What's on his arm?

DOC: I think he was suffering from an infection to a prior wound. It really is
quite infected, note the swelling, the colouring, the texture…

SQUIRT OF SAUCE BOTTLE.

DICK: I see.

DOC: Now, with the coffee, how about some lovely custard tarts?

DICK: Excellent!

JAZZ HORN PLAYS UNDERNEATH:

I finished the Doc's excellent custard tart and headed over to the
crime scene. An old friend was on duty. He’d been on the force a long
time and never made it past Constable. Despite his faults, Constable
Adhere was a good old stick.

ADHERE: Top of de morning to yer Dick.

DICK: It's night, Adhere.

ADHERE: So it is. I'll amend my report, presently.

DICK: What seems to have happened?

ADHERE: Well it seems that this fellow was walking down the street like this.

HIGH HEELS ON CONCRETE.

And he saw the body of the deceased victim being in a state of
lifelessness right there where his mortal remains were laid out,
inanimate like, to rest in peace in a corpse like manner.

DICK: Was he dead?

ADHERE: Slightly.

DICK: And what did he do when he found the body?

ADHERE: He riffled through the pockets for money and then made an
anonymous phone call to the police on a prepaid phone using a pen
name.

DICK: Which was?

ADHERE: Biro.

DICK: And you know where he is now?

ADHERE: No. Shortly after making the phone call on his mobile using that
phone booth over there, he ran out.

DICK: So Biro ran out. Can you trace his mobile?

ADHERE: No sir, I failed art at school.

DICK: Right.

ADHERE: We dusted the phone booth for prints.

DICK: And?

ADHERE: As soon as we dusted, throngs of people descended on us with straws
and sniffed it up. But we did get one print.

DICK: Really?

ADHERE: Yes, it was of the Mona Lisa. Oh and Dick there was a phone number
of a girl written in the phone booth.

DICK: Now we’re getting somewhere. What was her name?

ADHERE: Let me see I have it written down here.

PAPER BEING TURNED IN A NOTEBOOK.

ADHERE: Ah yes, it was Flora.

DICK: And the surname?

ADHERE: Ring.

DICK: Really?

ADHERE: Yes Dick, its Flora Goodtime Ring.

(PAUSE)

DICK: That's fine, thank you Adhere.

THEME SONG PLAYS UNDER:

It was at this point that I knew why he never made it past Constable.

THEME OUT.

END

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones