Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
It's called Luminous Life Force.
It's sacred. It's sexual. It's healing.
You’re here to be luminous. … To remember your magic.
We have the capacity to rise into our highest consciousness through intense times when we melt into a deeper version of love and acceptance, and follow the rules of nature.
I am the open door that no one can close, and I want to open doors that you never even knew existed. We will connect through meditation, spirituality and use our ancient sexual energy, to heal together.
Join me and let’s cultivate our most luminous life force together. ❤️
River Roaring co-organizes the Sacred Sexuality Austin Empowerment Circle Friday evening events, and facilitates weekend workshops and private muse-and-mentoring programs, all in-person in her temple in the beautiful city of Austin, Texas.
More information can be found here:
riverroaring.com
Hello, darling. This is River Roaring, celebrating the Luminous Life Force in us all. Hello, darling. This episode is the different ways we show our love. You know how some people in your life, maybe some people you love a lot, come across abrasive or needy or avoidant or anxious about the relationship or judgmental or pressury.
Speaker 1:So you know how some people you might love come across in all these different ways that maybe possibly make you feel a little bit uncomfortable or that you feel uncomfortable around. And I've been thinking a lot about that lately and realized something that I want to share with you. I see more now how different people show love in different ways. Different ways we show our love. So what happened to me in the last week or two is that I went over to visit my father, and he was saying some things about my sister who wasn't there that I've heard over years of time.
Speaker 1:And to me, in my ears, it sounded like a a judgment and a complaint. Really mostly a judgment and kind of like gossip about someone who wasn't there. And I'd heard this kind of a comment for years, and I feel uncomfortable about it in that conversation. And we visited for a couple hours. I was going through town, and then that night, I was visiting my sister in her home, and I was laying in bed.
Speaker 1:And I was just going over that that dynamic that's been in place so long where I hear my father make a comment, and I feel uncomfortable. And and all of a sudden, it's almost like a voice came into my head. It was just all of a sudden I realized, wait a minute, could that be the way he's showing love? Could that be his way of showing love and concern? Because he would say like, I just don't know how she does this thing blah blah blah.
Speaker 1:I don't know how. I just don't get it. I just don't get this. I don't know how she does this. She just doesn't seem like it it's the right thing to do.
Speaker 1:And when it hit me all of a sudden in bed there, is this his way of showing concern and love? I felt something, and I went back by his home a few days later, and we hang out and spent some time together. And I it wasn't easy. I didn't I wanted to ask him about it, and it wasn't easy. I wanted to not do it.
Speaker 1:So when I was, like, sitting there on the couch, like, don't wanna do this. Like, I don't know where this is gonna go, but I need to say it. And I just laid it out, like, hey. I've heard you say, I wanna I wanna find a way to be closer with you and share more with you. And over the years, I wanna share why I have not shared more with you.
Speaker 1:You know? And and I wanna share that. Do you want to hear that? You know? He said, yeah.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Very open. And I was able to say, I, for years, have heard you say these things. And this is not the only thing that was going on, but this is really the thing that broke it open. Like, I've heard this one pattern for years where you're speaking about my sister, and she's not here.
Speaker 1:And I've thought all these years it was a judgment of her and some gossip. He looked kind of upset, and then I was like, but I actually, a couple nights ago, realized maybe this is concern and love. And immediately he was like, Yes, that's what it is. It is a concern. I'm very concerned about her.
Speaker 1:I really wish I knew what to do to help. I talk about it because I'm concerned and out of love. I could feel the sincerity. And it really dawned on me, this has been years because the habit that I described about speaking about someone in a way that I interpreted as judging them has been something that I've been hearing from my parents for all my life. And I can remember this one incident when I was six years old that really set it in place.
Speaker 1:Know, it was actually at the first grade and we had dinner around the table every single night. So we were having dinner and I said, guess what? On the playground at recess this boy tried to kiss this little girl. And it wasn't a story about me at all, it what was I saw. And I do remember my dad somehow mocking or making fun of that situation in a way in that moment, somehow making fun of it.
Speaker 1:And what I as a six year old interpreted as shaming. And I remember as a six year old, I very distinctly remember I'm never telling them anything about boys for the rest of my life. Just made that vow when I was six years old and I held to it. So all these years later, you know, meant so this has been like fifty two years of a pattern of me not really fully opening my eyes and my heart to understand the way my fatherparents love, the way they show their love. And then my dad and I were talking about that more, and we had a very, very, very heart opening connection when we uncovered all of this in person and talked about it.
Speaker 1:He was like, Of course it's love! And I was like, You know, I'm sorry that all these years I have misinterpreted I apologize all these years I've misinterpreted the way that these things have been said, and they were you showing concern and love, and I didn't see that before now. And we talked. We had a very beautiful opening, a very beautiful heart opening. In the conversation that followed, I said I didn't know his mother, my grandmother.
Speaker 1:I didn't know her that well. I did know her a little bit. And in a way I was kind of afraid of her. She was kind of stern. And I don't recall having hugs with her.
Speaker 1:I don't recall being hugged by her. I never knew my other grandparents on my mom's side. Basically I said to Dad, from everything I know about your mother, that's how she would show her love to you. So I'm imagining that's how you learned to show love. And then he got to tell the story that his mother grew up in La Chihuahua, which I did not know what that meant.
Speaker 1:La Chihuahua. Maybe somebody hearing this might know what it means, I don't know. But I know that it is a Mexican term for a barrio of barios, basically the ghetto of the ghettos. He said his mother, my grandmother, grew up in the Chihuahua, the barrio of the body of the the So it was tough. It was a lot of crime, it was tough, and she grew up learning how to love by being really tough.
Speaker 1:She had to be tough. And then my dad went on to say how grandmother intervened in a number of people's lives, and he started naming them off, and there were like five or six people right there that she intervened in their life with tough love, kind of like drill sergeant style, and he said to greatly improve their lives because they had no discipline. They were going more into sort of like life of crime, you know, just like going downhill in their lives, and that through her very tough, strict, stern way, she helped them bring some discipline into their lives, you know, successful in life, and have a life they were proud of. That's how my dad remembers it. The point being, his mother would have shown her love through basically a drill sergeant technique, and that is how she was loving.
Speaker 1:She was doing all she could in the environment she grew up in to serve others and to survive. Survive and serve others. And then I started thinking about someone else I know who showing love by shutting out, showing love by saying, Look, it's painful when we're together, so to show my love for you, I don't want to be around you anymore. That's the way I'm going to love you by shutting you out. And to me, I feel uncomfortable about that.
Speaker 1:And I don't interpret it as love. I interpret it as something else. I feel uncomfortable and interpret it as something. And now that I come back and look at it, that is this person's way of showing love, is to say, there is pain when we're together, at least sometimes, and therefore to love you, I'm going to remove myself from your presence. It may not be how I would love, but it's actually how they love.
Speaker 1:It's actually how they're showing their love. Isn't that wild how one person can be so uncomfortable and also not just uncomfortable but actually feel that the conduct is wrong and bad in some way, all the while the person doing the conduct is literally loving the way they know how to love. I can think of my mom. One aspect was wanted me to be Christian, and I was not willing to say that Jesus was the only Savior in the world. So we had that going on, and so my mom would try to save me in the Jesus sense of saving, in the religious Jesus sense.
Speaker 1:And for me, I always interpret that as, Oh, she believes my soul is damned. So I was like, That's pretty judgment. I was like, That's a lot of judgment that I am damned. And then I think my mother would be glad to say, I wasn't judging you. I was trying to help you and love you.
Speaker 1:I wanted you to be a part of this beautiful spiritual belief I have. And so I'm loving you when I try to save you into my religion. And to me, I was very, very uncomfortable all the time that was happening, which was decades. And I was always feeling like, she's basically just saying I'm damned to hell for eternity. Wasn't feeling that as an act of love very well.
Speaker 1:But it was. It was her way. And when I look at how I love, I think sometimes I start planning the future. I want to be like, oh, we could do these things together in the future. I'm not saying any of these are good or bad.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying like, I think that's one thing I do, like, Oh, I'm showing my love by saying I want to spend time with you in the future, so let's talk about what we could do and stuff like that. And for some people, they're uncomfortable with that. Know, it's like, why can't you be in the present? Why can't you let what's happening right now be enough? And my answer would be, oh, I was just trying to love you.
Speaker 1:And I remember my partner and I were in this was months ago, and I don't remember the subject we were talking about. But we were in some type of a sort of like challenge and tension between us. There was a lot of tension. I wish I could remember the exact subject we were talking about, but I was like inside myself, I remember thinking, oh, I was just trying to love you, or like, why won't you let me love you? But inside me was a feeling of neediness at the time, at the moment.
Speaker 1:And I don't remember any words that were said actually, but I know inside myself I was like, Oh, wow. I was just now wanting this other person to feel my love and wishing they'd feel my love, and then when I look at what it is I am feeling and putting out there, it's not actually very loving, it's kind of this needy thing. That's not love, but out of me was like, Oh, this is how I love, and then yeah, I do look at that, you know, is this how I want to love? Do I want to love by focusing on the future? Do I want to love in a way that doesn't feel that feels this or feels that?
Speaker 1:I'm not here on this podcast to say what's the best way to love. I'm pointing out there are so many differences in how we love. Some people love by like over caretaking, right? So I will love you by solving all of your problems and making sure you never have any problems. That's how I'm gonna love you.
Speaker 1:For some other people that makes them very uncomfortable and possibly lose the skills of life actually because they're not solving their own problems. So it's like that might not be the highest benefit of the other person. It might not help the other person feel comfortable to say like, Hey, I'm just going to over care take you. I'm just going to be solving all your problems, so keep me up to date on what's bothering you and I will go to work immediately solving that problem for you. But that's how some people love, I think, because we're all loving in what I can tell how we were taught to, plus the information we've come across since then.
Speaker 1:Going back to the story when I spoke to my father, he was shocked that I did not know that was love. And I had been interpreting that as something other than love for a good old fifty years. But he was like, What? You didn't realize that was love? Know?
Speaker 1:And I see why, because he was raised in another generation, so especially when we're intergenerational. I was talking to my sister about this herself, and then she reflected on a conversation we had, she and I and her daughter at lunch one day, and her daughter became uncomfortable with how she and I were talking about some things. And she goes, I wonder if the way we were talking, which we know was about from love was creating discomfort in the next generation, her daughter, who seemed to be a little bit shut down around the conversation. So especially intergenerationally, after like twenty five, thirty years, society changes, and the way that is being learned by society of how to show love is going to be different than the people who learned it twenty five or thirty years ago, the other generation, forward or backwards. So we're all out there doing all of this wild and woolly conduct between what may sound like judging, gossiping, nitpicking, correcting, giving advice, shutting out and walking away, someone trying to heal save you or solve all your problems or get the future all nailed down.
Speaker 1:All of these behaviors are probably ways that we're just trying to show love to one another. So what would happen? This is something you can do today. This is something you can do today. Let's help each other out.
Speaker 1:Let's see if we can perceive love underneath whatever else might be happening in that moment. So something you can do today is take a second to stop and give yourself some space. The more space you give yourself, the deeper and further this is gonna go. So it's up to you. If you really wanna give yourself some space, it'll go deeper.
Speaker 1:And ask yourself, how do my loved ones, my closest loved ones, how do my loved ones show their love? Maybe it's in a way that you didn't see before as love. And the second question for your enjoyment, how do you show your love to others? Not how you wish you did, not how it would be nice to, how you actually act and speak. How is it that you are showing your love to your closest loved ones now?
Speaker 1:Maybe in ways that some others might even not understand as love. Is that how you want to show your love? Thing to sit with. How am I showing my love to other people? All the behaviors I do with my loved ones.
Speaker 1:Be curious. Just be curious, and above all, be compassionate in this inquiry. That's what really all of this is about, being compassionate like, Oh, oh my god, dad. All this time I thought you were judging others or mocking or shaming. That wasn't what was behind any of it.
Speaker 1:And it's not a logical argument. It's not like, Yes it was. No it wasn't. Yes it was. No!
Speaker 1:I'm not proposing any type of logic right here. I'm proposing way deeper than that. Feel the heart. Even when my mother was coming down with some harsh criticism of me, I can feel that in her heart she was trying to love. Can we open more to one another in this way?
Speaker 1:I see how you're showing your love. Maybe nothing in my experience would actually interpret that as love. Maybe that's the last thing I would have thought was happening based on who I am and my own value system and the way I act. Maybe it didn't look like love or feel like love in the moment, but when I really open my heart to you, I know you were loving me there. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Can you feel the love in the moment? Every moment with everybody, can you feel the love they're wanting to show, that they're wanting to connect, that deep underneath the words and the other dynamics that may seem like they're on top is a desire to connect with you, connect in love with you, and be loving. Can you feel the love in the moment? You know how much I want to hear from you my darling. If you're on the socials, feel free to leave a comment.
Speaker 1:I'm not the best at social comments yet. You can always get to me through email at my website riverroaring dot com. Shoot me an email and you can do it through Let's Connect and then Let's Talk River, and it gets an email to me. There's also a little suggestion button at the bottom of the website that gets an email to me. Shoot me an email and let me know how this podcast hit you.
Speaker 1:How do people around you show love? Are you having trouble seeing the love behind what someone else is doing? Because all the things I'm naming aren't the kind of things most people would think are love, but maybe it really is underneath a bid for connection and love. Can you feel the love in the moment? Because my darling, I am on earth to support everyone who's called to bring maximum love and light into your lives, liberating self expression in all of the realms, bridging the worlds between today and tomorrow, where all is sacred, connecting with you to create a cosmic web of love and light throughout the realms.
Speaker 1:You know, just because you're hearing this podcast, we have a connection of love and light. So I'm gonna take a moment, and I'm gonna send love from my heart right now out to every single listener. See if you can feel it. Now take a moment to take a nice deep breath if you feel like it and send, if you feel like it, a nice big heart connection back to me in this moment and out to every other listener. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I feel it. It's a miracle. It's a miracle, a multidimensional miracle. Quantum, baby. We are creating a cosmic web of love and light throughout the realms, and we're not bound by time.
Speaker 1:Together, we can step into a more harmonious vibration. We can fly higher, shifting human consciousness forever, my darlings, for the highest good of all beings. So may the love be with you, and may the love be with us all.